Wedding Etiquette Forum

Scheduling

So I'll trying to make a long story short with a timeline...

February 2010 - J&M get engaged - FI's friends, one of whom will be GM in our wedding
August 2010 - J&K get engaged - my FI and me
August 2010 - J&K set date for May 18, 2012, making sure NUMEROUS times that J&M have no set anything, etc.
November 2010 - J&M set date for May 26, 2012

I'm not sure what to make of this!  On one hand J&J have been good friends for a long time and J is even going to be a GM in our wedding - not sure in my FI will be in the other wedding as J&M have large families.  However, we planned our wedding WAY before they did and they were well aware of our date (they even called the day before they booked it to double check the date of our wedding with us).  I don't think that I should have to plan my honeymoon around another person!  They had 7 months to tell us that they wanted May 26th, I would NOT by any means have picked May 18th knowing that we'd be on our honeymoon for their wedding.  I'm very upset that someone would do this, as I would never ever ever put someone else in this situation.  The best, or worst depending on how you look at it, part of this whole thing is that they are our only other set of friends who are currently engaged.  They had 50 other weekends to pick from and have been wishy-washy about their date from the start so we really had nothing to go by and weren't about to wait for them to book their wedding since it'd been so long we didn't know if it would even ever happen.  What are your thoughts??
«1345

Re: Scheduling

  • You sound a little selfish.

    You shouldn't have to plan your honeymoon around their wedding? How about they shouldn't have to plan their wedding around your honeymoon?
  • Why do you have to plan your honeymoon around them? Just go on it for crying out loud. They're entitled to get married on any day they want to just as you're entitled to not attend so you can be on your honeymoon.

    If it bothers you so much, just say congratulations on setting a date and apologise for being unable to attend at that time because of your honeymoon. Maybe they'll reschedule, it's like eighteen months away, no sense in getting all bent out of shape about it.
  • If the boys weren't so close it wouldn't be an issue.  And I'm not selfish SHE is!  As I said, I'm very very considerate to other people and would NEVER have done that to her.  Some people just don't take 5 minutes to think things through.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_scheduling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1c4803-3d1b-4ca8-b68d-bdb7c3a988aaPost:c8bfb206-15bd-4c7d-a58d-a7b08c81f38e">Scheduling</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I'll trying to make a long story short with a timeline... February 2010 - J&M get engaged - FI's friends, one of whom will be GM in our wedding August 2010 - J&K get engaged - my FI and me August 2010 - J&K set date for May 18, 2012, making sure NUMEROUS times that J&M have no set anything, etc. November 2010 - J&M set date for May 26, 2012 I'm not sure what to make of this!  On one hand J&J have been good friends for a long time and J is even going to be a GM in our wedding - not sure in my FI will be in the other wedding as J&M have large families.  However, we planned our wedding WAY before they did and they were well aware of our date (they even called the day before they booked it to double check the date of our wedding with us). <strong> I don't think that I should have to plan my honeymoon around another person!</strong>  They had 7 months to tell us that they wanted May 26th, I would NOT by any means have picked May 18th knowing that we'd be on our honeymoon for their wedding.  I'm very upset that someone would do this, as I would never ever ever put someone else in this situation.  The best, or worst depending on how you look at it, part of this whole thing is that they are our only other set of friends who are currently engaged.  They had 50 other weekends to pick from and have been wishy-washy about their date from the start so we really had nothing to go by and weren't about to wait for them to book their wedding since it'd been so long we didn't know if it would even ever happen.  What are your thoughts??
    Posted by FutureMrsW9[/QUOTE]

    Then don't.  I don't understand why you're getting yourself so worked up.  This is when the decided to get married.   Just like you don't want to plan your honeymoon around someone's else's life, they don't want to plan their wedding around your life.  If you don't want to push your honeymoon back simply decline the invite when you get one. 
  • You should talk her into having a destination wedding at your honeymoon location.

    Problem solved.

    You're welcome.

    image
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_scheduling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1c4803-3d1b-4ca8-b68d-bdb7c3a988aaPost:c8bfb206-15bd-4c7d-a58d-a7b08c81f38e">Scheduling</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I'll trying to make a long story short with a timeline... February 2010 - J&M get engaged - FI's friends, one of whom will be GM in our wedding August 2010 - J&K get engaged - my FI and me August 2010 - J&K set date for May 18, 2012, making sure NUMEROUS times that J&M have no set anything, etc. November 2010 - J&M set date for May 26, 2012 I'm not sure what to make of this!  On one hand J&J have been good friends for a long time and J is even going to be a GM in our wedding - not sure in my FI will be in the other wedding as J&M have large families.  However, we planned our wedding WAY before they did and they were well aware of our date (they even called the day before they booked it to double check the date of our wedding with us).  I don't think that I should have to plan my honeymoon around another person!  They had 7 months to tell us that they wanted May 26th, I would NOT by any means have picked May 18th knowing that we'd be on our honeymoon for their wedding.  I'm very upset that someone would do this, as I would never ever ever put someone else in this situation.  The best, or worst depending on how you look at it, part of this whole thing is that they are our only other set of friends who are currently engaged.  They had 50 other weekends to pick from and have been wishy-washy about their date from the start so we really had nothing to go by and weren't about to wait for them to book their wedding since it'd been so long we didn't know if it would even ever happen.  What are your thoughts??
    Posted by FutureMrsW9[/QUOTE]
    Holy Crap. We survived the first year!
    http://tidetravel.weebly.com/index.html
    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • Your first mistake was asking someone to be in your wedding party over 2 years in advance. Now you see why.

    Plan your own wedding, and let them plan theirs, and if you can make it to theirs, great! If not, no worries. An invitation is just that, an invitation, not a subpoena. 

    Maybe that date worked best for everyone else in their lives BUT you. Ever think of that? 
  • Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it to much.  Have your wedding, go on your honeymoon and enjoy it.  They shouldn't have to plan their wedding around you...I'm sure they had to talk to family, etc. to set their date and that was what worked for them.  If it was your FI's brother it might be a little different, but even then, they are still entitled to have their wedding on what ever day works for them.
  • Yes you are being selfish. You think that this other bride needs to plan her wedding around your honeymoon. 

    Go on the honeymoon or don't  but since you say your FI and this guy are good friends you would think you would want your FI to attend his friend's wedding. You do realize you don't have to take your honeymoon right after your wedding right?
  • It's frustrating, but you have options.

    1. Take a honeymoon right after your wedding. Get back in time for your friends' wedding.
    2. Take your good sweet time on your honeymoon and skip your friends' wedding.
    3. Take a honeymoon later.

    If it were me, I'd pick 3. You get to take the trip you want, and you get to enjoy it. You can go out of town for a day or two right after your wedding if you want, but in all honestly what you'll need after your big day is SLEEP. I wish we had waited to take a honeymoon. We spent the first few days of ours pretty much zonked out.
  • tidetraveltidetravel member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments
    edited November 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_scheduling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1c4803-3d1b-4ca8-b68d-bdb7c3a988aaPost:b5c5ee9f-a6a0-4724-8274-e6edf4697d97">Re: Scheduling</a>:
    [QUOTE]If the boys weren't so close it wouldn't be an issue.  And I'm not selfish SHE is!  As I said, I'm very very considerate to other people and would NEVER have done that to her.  Some people just don't take 5 minutes to think things through.
    Posted by FutureMrsW9[/QUOTE]

    What are you, 12?  Get the fuuck over yourself.  I'm sure she wasn't trying to sabotage your wedding by picking the date that she did.  Everyone has their own reasons for picking the dates that they do.  Maybe that was the only date that important members of their family could come.  Maybe that was the only date that their venue had open.  They are in NO WAY wrong for "not considering" your wedding date.  

    Either plan your honeymoon over that week and miss their wedding or postpone your honeymoon until after so that you can attend.  You have choices - many of them don't even involve you acting like a spoiled child. 
    Holy Crap. We survived the first year!
    http://tidetravel.weebly.com/index.html
    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_scheduling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1c4803-3d1b-4ca8-b68d-bdb7c3a988aaPost:b5c5ee9f-a6a0-4724-8274-e6edf4697d97">Re: Scheduling</a>:
    [QUOTE]If the boys weren't so close it wouldn't be an issue.  And I'm not selfish SHE is!  As I said, I'm very very considerate to other people and would NEVER have done that to her.  Some people just don't take 5 minutes to think things through.
    Posted by FutureMrsW9[/QUOTE]
    "SHE" is?  I'd figure THEY chose their wedding date together.  How is this HER fault?
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • Did she hold a gun to his head and force him to book that date?  If not, then HE made the same decision, not just his fiancee.  Sheesh. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_scheduling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1c4803-3d1b-4ca8-b68d-bdb7c3a988aaPost:b5c5ee9f-a6a0-4724-8274-e6edf4697d97">Re: Scheduling</a>:
    [QUOTE]If the boys weren't so close it wouldn't be an issue.  And I'm not selfish SHE is!  As I said, I'm very very considerate to other people and would NEVER have done that to her.  Some people just don't take 5 minutes to think things through.
    Posted by FutureMrsW9[/QUOTE]

    She is not on here complaining about how you guys need to plan around them. You, however, are saying that you expected them to plan around you, when plenty of people don't even take the HM right away or don't take a full week.

    I agree it's not ideal planning, and I personally wouldn't have done it. It's fine to be annoyed by it, even. What's not fine is expecting that they should have based their plans on a vacation you haven't booked yet. If you/your FI really want to go to their wedding, delay your HM by a week. If going right away is more important, miss their wedding. Or go for 6 days instead of 7. It's not like you don't have options here.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_scheduling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1c4803-3d1b-4ca8-b68d-bdb7c3a988aaPost:67948cc3-6bb0-411a-8f4c-247361e42258">Re: Scheduling</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Scheduling : I don't understand why you're getting yourself so worked up.  Posted by angiebear11[/QUOTE]


    Who said I'm getting worked up?  I'm simply stating what's happened and asking for opinions.  You all need to put yourselves in my shoes and understand where I'm coming from.  And it more than just being about a wedding.  If the tables were turned I would think, "oh J&M are getting married may 18th, we should plan ours far enough away from that so there's no conflicts with schedules and honeymoons..."  But again, I'm a considerate person who thinks things through and tries to make everyone as happy as possible.  I guess everyone is not as nice and thoughtful as I am.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_scheduling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1c4803-3d1b-4ca8-b68d-bdb7c3a988aaPost:b5c5ee9f-a6a0-4724-8274-e6edf4697d97">Re: Scheduling</a>:
    [QUOTE]If the boys weren't so close it wouldn't be an issue.  And I'm not selfish SHE is!  As I said, I'm very very considerate to other people and would NEVER have done that to her.  Some people just don't take 5 minutes to think things through.
    Posted by FutureMrsW9[/QUOTE]

    Maybe you should  take five minutes then, and consider that planning these things aren't easy, and that maybe there are factors you don't know about. Maybe that really was the only day they could get the venue they wanted. Maybe that's the only time one of them could take off from work. Maybe they needed to plan around family members with tight schedules.

    I know you made your plans first, but it's not all about you. They picked a date that worked for them. They didn't choose it to be inconvenient for you.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_scheduling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1c4803-3d1b-4ca8-b68d-bdb7c3a988aaPost:e462f3d6-0669-459d-b2ee-466585d85fbf">Re: Scheduling</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Scheduling : Who said I'm getting worked up?  I'm simply stating what's happened and asking for opinions.  You all need to put yourselves in my shoes and understand where I'm coming from.  And it more than just being about a wedding.  If the tables were turned I would think, "oh J&M are getting married may 18th, we should plan ours far enough away from that so there's no conflicts with schedules and honeymoons..."  But again, I'm a considerate person who thinks things through and tries to make everyone as happy as possible.  I guess everyone is not as nice and thoughtful as I am.
    Posted by FutureMrsW9[/QUOTE]
    <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />
    Holy Crap. We survived the first year!
    http://tidetravel.weebly.com/index.html
    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • ogrady88ogrady88 member
    1000 Comments
    edited November 2010
    Seriously, they may have thought about it, but then maybe there are family timelines, etc. that are more important to them than your timeline.  It happens.  I understand that you are frustrated and need to vent, but we're just saying, don't worry about it so much, there will be plenty of other things to worry about in the next year and a half.
  • I understand why you might be bummed at the prospect of not being able to go to their wedding, but there may have been more involved in choosing their date than you realize.  For FI and I, we literally ended up with one weekend out of the entire year that presented the best case scenario for us to book our wedding.  It sounds crazy, I know, but a lot of factors went into choosing our date (FI coaches two sports and most of his Saturdays are booked, plus other issues). 

    I think once you think about it for a couple days, you will realize this is not that big of a deal.  I know that I sometimes tend to blow things out of proportion right away, but it's amazing what a couple of days can do to your perspective.  With something like a wedding that requires so much planning, you're going to make sacrifices and concessions, but it will all work out in the end.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Puppy Love
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_scheduling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1c4803-3d1b-4ca8-b68d-bdb7c3a988aaPost:5d79520d-24d7-45e9-9320-f82648e33587">Re: Scheduling</a>:
    [QUOTE]You do realize you don't have to take your honeymoon right after your wedding right?
    Posted by DodgersBride[/QUOTE]

    I do understand that, but I think it's dumb.  What are we gonna do...get married, go back to work for a week, then take two weeks off???  Oh joy...sounds like a nice relaxing newly wed experience to me....*sarcasm*
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_scheduling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1c4803-3d1b-4ca8-b68d-bdb7c3a988aaPost:e462f3d6-0669-459d-b2ee-466585d85fbf">Re: Scheduling</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Scheduling : Who said I'm getting worked up?  I'm simply stating what's happened and asking for opinions.  You all need to put yourselves in my shoes and understand where I'm coming from.  And it more than just being about a wedding.  If the tables were turned I would think, "oh J&M are getting married may 18th, we should plan ours far enough away from that so there's no conflicts with schedules and honeymoons..."  But again, I'm a considerate person who thinks things through and tries to make everyone as happy as possible.  I guess everyone is not as<strong> nice and thoughtful as I am.
    </strong>Posted by FutureMrsW9[/QUOTE]

    How can you sit there and call yourself nice?! When here you are on a public message board talking about how selfish your or FI's friends are. If you were nice and thoughtful like you claim to be then you would be happy and overjoyed for friends about their upcoming wedding.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_scheduling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1c4803-3d1b-4ca8-b68d-bdb7c3a988aaPost:e462f3d6-0669-459d-b2ee-466585d85fbf">Re: Scheduling</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Scheduling : Who said I'm getting worked up?  I'm simply stating what's happened and asking for opinions.  You all need to put yourselves in my shoes and understand where I'm coming from.  And it more than just being about a wedding.  If the tables were turned I would think, "oh J&M are getting married may 18th, we should plan ours far enough away from that so there's no conflicts with schedules and honeymoons..."  <strong>But again, I'm a considerate person who thinks things through and tries to make everyone as happy as possible.  I guess everyone is not as nice and thoughtful as I am.
    </strong>Posted by FutureMrsW9[/QUOTE]

    See, there you go getting all worked up again...
    image
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Being good at planning ahead =/= nice and thoughtful

    You can be the latter and suck at the former.

    Also, have you considered that you and your FI are not the most important people in this couple's universe, and maybe they knew exactly what they were doing with regard to your HM but this was the date that worked best for them, their families and closest friends?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_scheduling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1c4803-3d1b-4ca8-b68d-bdb7c3a988aaPost:b5c5ee9f-a6a0-4724-8274-e6edf4697d97">Re: Scheduling</a>:
    [QUOTE]And I'm not selfish SHE is!  
    Posted by FutureMrsW9[/QUOTE]

    <div>Wedding > Honeymoon.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_scheduling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1c4803-3d1b-4ca8-b68d-bdb7c3a988aaPost:4210d6f1-743a-44d6-8149-c15ebbd9235e">Re: Scheduling</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Scheduling : I do understand that, but I think it's dumb.  What are we gonna do...get married, go back to work for a week, then take two weeks off???  Oh joy...sounds like a nice relaxing newly wed experience to me....*sarcasm*
    Posted by FutureMrsW9[/QUOTE]

    Actually, that's what a lot of people do, for various reasons, including having other family/friend commitments close to their wedding date.  I don't know what type of "newlywed" experience you're looking for, but unless you're a virgin, nothing really changes in your relationship, post wedding.

    If it's important to your FI to be there for his friends wedding, I suggest you figure out how to get that chip off your shoulder. 
    Holy Crap. We survived the first year!
    http://tidetravel.weebly.com/index.html
    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_scheduling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1c4803-3d1b-4ca8-b68d-bdb7c3a988aaPost:4210d6f1-743a-44d6-8149-c15ebbd9235e">Re: Scheduling</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Scheduling : I do understand that, but I think it's dumb.  What are we gonna do...get married, go back to work for a week, then take two weeks off???  Oh joy...sounds like a nice relaxing newly wed experience to me....*sarcasm*
    Posted by FutureMrsW9[/QUOTE]

    <div>Um. A lot of people take their honeymoons later. Just sayin'.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_scheduling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1c4803-3d1b-4ca8-b68d-bdb7c3a988aaPost:4210d6f1-743a-44d6-8149-c15ebbd9235e">Re: Scheduling</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Scheduling : I do understand that, but I think it's dumb.  What are we gonna do...get married, go back to work for a week, then take two weeks off???  Oh joy...sounds like a nice relaxing newly wed experience to me....*sarcasm*
    Posted by FutureMrsW9[/QUOTE]
    LOTS of people delay their honeymoons for all sorts of reasons - work schedules, vacation schedules, where in the world they want to go vs. weather in that location...  Some just take a weekend, some take 3 weeks.<div>
    </div><div>So expecting them to plan around a vacation you haven't booked is INANE.  How on earth could you expect them to be psychic and know you're planning to leave immediately after the weekend for two weeks?  Seriously?  What if they planned their wedding for a month later and you had to delay your honeymoon for some reason and it still conflicted?  Would you still be so insanely irate about it?</div><div>
    </div><div>And you still haven't owned up to the fact that your FI's best man is just as much to blame as the chick is.</div>
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_scheduling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1c4803-3d1b-4ca8-b68d-bdb7c3a988aaPost:4210d6f1-743a-44d6-8149-c15ebbd9235e">Re: Scheduling</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Scheduling : I do understand that, but I think it's dumb.  What are we gonna do...get married, go back to work for a week, then take two weeks off???  Oh joy...sounds like a nice relaxing newly wed experience to me....*sarcasm*
    Posted by FutureMrsW9[/QUOTE]

    You actually may enjoy getting everything back in order before you leave. I know I got home from my honeymoon to a house full of gifts I had to open and put away. It took us 2 whole days to get our lives back to normal. It would be so much more relaxing during your HM knowing that stuff was already done.
  • Delay your honeymoon.  You'll enjoy it more and won't have to miss out on your H's friend's wedding.

    We took our HM two weeks after our wedding.  Right after our wedding, we slept in, then took an extra day off to go wine tasting.  Then we went back to work and recovered from the big wedding planning while starting HM trip preparation.  Our HM was a great adventure, not a time to recover from the stress of a huge family event.

    Oh, and chill.  Believe it or not, none of this is a big deal, and you'll laugh about it someday.  Hopefully that "someday" will be sooner rather than later.
  • DodgersBrideDodgersBride member
    1000 Comments
    edited November 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_scheduling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1c4803-3d1b-4ca8-b68d-bdb7c3a988aaPost:4210d6f1-743a-44d6-8149-c15ebbd9235e">Re: Scheduling</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Scheduling : I do understand that, but I think it's dumb.  <strong>What are we gonna do</strong>...get married, go back to work for a week, then take two weeks off???  Oh joy...sounds like a nice relaxing newly wed experience to me....*sarcasm*
    Posted by FutureMrsW9[/QUOTE]

    You could you know be the thoughtful and nice person you say you are and go and celebrate with your friends at their wedding!

    You know that you have the "newlywed experience"(idk what she means by this) even if you don't go on a honeymoon. You could also like pp said take a two day trip some where and come back for friend wedding and the go on your honeymoon.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards