Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you

Megbo2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_listen-up-newbie-brides-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f60ca394-2eb6-44b5-9038-18979976f324Post:b68874d3-2efe-4ef4-a0e5-c71e4d39a062">Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you : I have to say I completely disagree with this. I just started going through the posts on the first page and I was going to post some links here, but then I had 10 so I erased them. There are a bunch of posts on the first page where the very first response is a rude comment, followed by other rude comments/advice following that. Those responses were not caused by the OP coming back to complain, since they were immediate rude responses. They were caused because the person/people responding either didn't like the question, thought it was dumb, felt like being rude, or whatever other reasons. This is exactly what I am talking about. I know that the rude comments come when the bride gets upset about the idea not being validated. That is not what I'm referring to here - they are two different things.<strong> Just because the regulars here enjoy being blunt and don't care how other people i interpret that, doesn't mean that the rest of the girls on TK should have to lurk here before posting a question. </strong>That is the most absurd thing I've ever heard. And again, if people are going to be giving advice on etiquette, then the excuse that "we are blunt" should not be used.
Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

<div>The same questions are asking a million times, with similar "special" situations.  Thus lurking these threads would prevent even more of the exact same question.  This thread started how many do, "I have a question about etiquette rule X.  I know about rule X but I'd like to break rule X.  How do I do that?"  It's kind of ridiculous. </div>

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_listen-up-newbie-brides-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f60ca394-2eb6-44b5-9038-18979976f324Post:6de1810d-bd11-44ec-846c-8de2cc9173f9">Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you</a>:
[QUOTE]Habs, do you have celiac or a wheat intolerance? I'm just being nosy.
Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

I'm just trying to avoid it for health.  That's all. 

Megbo2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_listen-up-newbie-brides-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f60ca394-2eb6-44b5-9038-18979976f324Post:84db8f01-488b-4d95-8544-bb7d08d2643c">Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, then Cindy, if you don't like it around here, don't play. And keep your terrible, rude advice out of the threads as well.<strong> You're a total hypocrite.  You're the one telling an OP who can't afford to do apps that if you hadn't been able to do 23 apps than you would have just eloped.</strong>
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

<div>Nono, you are merely misinterpreting what she meant by that!!</div><div>
</div><div>Oh wait....</div><div>
</div><div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_listen-up-newbie-brides-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f60ca394-2eb6-44b5-9038-18979976f324Post:f46f1a07-20f4-4e8c-a9df-1f23b4c68a0c">Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you</a>:
[QUOTE]I know many of you will say that you can say whatever you want - it is the bride misinterpreting the "tone" of your posts, etc, but I really don't think that is the case most times. I've seen it happen SO many times, that is simply cannot only be due to that.
Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]
</div></div>

midgetthemighty

TK is eating posts again! Basically I said what Muni said about the apps.

kwilliams111012

Hahaha Megbo - love it.

Habs2Hart

Holy shiit... Did Cindy just post telling us that we are rude and not helpful? 

Is it the end of the world? 

I think I may just pass out.


And for the chicky who said I have a cop out, it's true, not all women PMS, but I do.  I was commenting on myself, not others. 

annakb8

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_listen-up-newbie-brides-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f60ca394-2eb6-44b5-9038-18979976f324Post:3b61bdbd-4435-4b73-99c3-e05f54713a65">Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you : I'm just trying to avoid it for health.  That's all. 
Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>OK, I avoid gluten too. But I guess I also wouldn't eat rice flour or whatever else for basically the same reasons (I avoid all grains) so I was curious. </div><div>
</div>

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_listen-up-newbie-brides-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f60ca394-2eb6-44b5-9038-18979976f324Post:5e8ede2a-ebb9-4640-b60f-c316db08d30d">Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you : OK, I avoid gluten too. But I guess I also wouldn't eat rice flour or whatever else for basically the same reasons (I avoid all grains) so I was curious. 
Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

I actually don't really ever use flour, in anything.  I just avoid making anything that requires it, so it's really a non-issue.  I just have seen it in that aisle and have seen it listed in gluten free recipes before. 

I find my joints seem healthier since I've cut back on gluten. 

amys325

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_listen-up-newbie-brides-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f60ca394-2eb6-44b5-9038-18979976f324Post:5e8ede2a-ebb9-4640-b60f-c316db08d30d">Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you : OK, I avoid gluten too. But I guess I also wouldn't eat rice flour or whatever else for basically the same reasons (I avoid all grains) so I was curious. 
Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

Have you ever tried to use Coconut Flour?  I've only used it to bake Pupcakes, but you technically can use it in regular baking as well.

Rosie109

For now on it will never been known as "pulling a kalpi" it will now be "pulling a cindy"

You can GBCK now Cindy.

annakb8

Amy, I don't really like baked goods that much anyway, so I just don't use any flour. If I do want a cookie for some reason I just have one, I wouldn't seek out a grain free one. I can eat gluten so it isn't a big deal. Luckily for me I don't really ever want cookies. 

Habs, I feel much better without grains also. I think I used to be bloated all the time without even noticing it, now I notice the absence of bloating. 

amys325

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_listen-up-newbie-brides-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f60ca394-2eb6-44b5-9038-18979976f324Post:78b5994d-b879-432b-b4f3-bb44e0800aa9">Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you</a>:
[QUOTE]Amy, I don't really like baked goods that much anyway, so I just don't use any flour. If I do want a cookie for some reason I just have one, I wouldn't seek out a grain free one. I can  eat gluten so it isn't a big deal. Luckily for me I don't really ever want cookies.  Habs, I feel much better without grains also. I think I used to be bloated all the time without even noticing it, now I notice the absence of bloating. 
Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I don't eat many baked goods either, I just figured I'd let you know about it since it's a flour not made out of grain.  (The only time I've used my KA Mixer is when I make dog cakes/cookies.  Ridiculous.)

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_listen-up-newbie-brides-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f60ca394-2eb6-44b5-9038-18979976f324Post:78b5994d-b879-432b-b4f3-bb44e0800aa9">Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you</a>:
[QUOTE]Amy, I don't really like baked goods that much anyway, so I just don't use any flour. If I do want a cookie for some reason I just have one, I wouldn't seek out a grain free one. I can  eat gluten so it isn't a big deal. Luckily for me I don't really ever want cookies.  Habs, I feel much better without grains also. I think I used to be bloated all the time without even noticing it, now I notice the absence of bloating. 
Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

I'm the same way.  I can have gluten and dairy, so while I avoid it in things that I do and can make decisions on, I'm not going to be picky when served at someone's house (or if I want a cookie).  I may be horribly uncomfortable, bloated and my stomach will be chatting with you all night long, but I'll eat it.  I have a savoury tooth, not a sweet tooth, so that helps a lot!

Another thing I've done for bloating is not mix my fruits with anything else I eat.  I eat fruits (and juice) by itself.  I guess they decompose a lot faster and the gas it creates is a lot because it's essentially rotting in your stomach, so it's better and passes faster if it's not mixed with other foods.  It actually works well for me.  I typically eat it at least 30 minutes before I eat anything else. 

soontobemrsep

I believe lurking is a beautiful thing... I wasn't sure if I wanted to join TK and create a profile and all that, but my friend said I'd get a lot of great ideas and advice, so she had me go on under her account. I must admit at first I was utterly confused and took every blunt response being given as an attack on that person and I was petrified and determined not join... Then I kept lurking and slowly realized that it IS annoying to see the same questions get posted time and time again. So I created my own account, and I love it. I find it utterly refreshing to get HONEST feedback that isn't sugarcoated so feelings aren't hurt.

Okay, there's my contribuition.

annakb8

Yeah, Habs, I've heard that you should always eat fruit first so it's digested quickly and doesn't just sit on top of everything else so I always eat fruit first too. And I've completely stopped drinking fruit juice so that isn't a problem for me.

Habs2Hart

ya, we go a juicer for the wedding and I'm slightly obsessed with it.  I can't stand store bought concentrated sugar crap. 

mari0225

KWill your puppies are so cute! Love their names too! Your sig pic is adorable! I so wish my FI would smile in pics.

cindyn9178

A couple points:

There is a difference between giving what you may consider bad advice, and giving advice in a rude way (good or bad). Maybe my advice has been bad in the past, but that doesn't equal giving RUDE advice with an attitude problem.

About lurking - there is a difference between lurking before jumping into a conversation with a bunch of people you don't know, and lurking on the board before asking your own question in a new thread.
 If a bride has been on the TK for awhile, maybe her local board or other boards, she may feel used to TK and would never automatically assume she needed to lurk here before asking her question so she can understand that the people here are blunt and give advice with an attitude
On the other hand, the E board is probably the only board I know of with a reputation of being rude to everyone, so if someone has been on the TK long enough, they either avoid it, or are already prepared for the rudeness.
Then, there are the majority of the other girls who have no idea what the people are like on the E board, and innocently come here to ask a question, and then receive the rude comments.

Yes, questions may get asked many times over and over, but that happens on almost every board. It isn't an excuse for being rude to people. On my local board and other boards I've seen the same questions asked a billion times, but the responses are seldom rude. If you are annoyed by the same question then simply ignore it and don't respond at all. Giving a negative or rude response to a question you've answered before isn't going to help the person asking the question. Just because they are a newbie and might not know how things "work" around here, doesn't make it ok for the regulars to be rude to them.

Here is a perfect example of someone asking a question and getting rude responses:
Someone asked "Must social units both be invited" and "roomates have two addresses, which do I sent the invite to?"
The first response:
Please for the love of god, go to the invitations board. If I read one more post title about invitations, I might scratch my eyes out.

Here is another example, many of the immediate responses to this question are rude:
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sent-out-save-dates-college-friends-now-dont-want-invitehelp

I just really feel like many girls like to hide behind their computer screens and take advantage of being anonymous... I don't believe many of you would actually say the things you say here to someone's face. I can't imagine someone actually saying some of these things to a person's face.

salexion

Soontobemrsep- I agree! I've posted a little here and there but have done a good deal of lurking. I'm glad I did! If not, I probably would have posted a question/idea or two that wasn't going with ettiquette.

Reading you guys' responses has been really helpful and insightful, and honestly, I actually enjoy a little bit of the "rudeness" because it's in line with my sense of humor. I'm a huge proponent of bluntness

adamar15

OK Cindy, so how is it not rude to suggest to a bride that she needs to add alcohol after she specifically stated that she was not having alcohol at her wedding?  Pot, meet kettle, little lady.

cindyn9178

Sorry, hit post before I was done.
In my job, I am asked the same questions over and over again by people. It is part of the job working in a helpdesk environment. Yes, maybe they could've read the instructions, or figured it out on their own or whatever. However, that doesn't make it ok for me to be rude to someone who asks me the question I've been asked many times before. I am still polite to them, and answer their question as best as I can.

 I feel this should apply here as well. If you are going to actively participate in giving advice on this board (or any board), then you should expect to see the same questions asked many times (after all, how many different questions about wedding etiquette are  there?), and you should be prepared to give advice in a polite manner.  I just don't understand how you can participate on a message board like this, but then get upset when the same questions are asked over and over again.

 I just don't feel that is an excuse for being rude to someone.

midgetthemighty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_listen-up-newbie-brides-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f60ca394-2eb6-44b5-9038-18979976f324Post:5fdf66a8-200b-468a-905e-58898d91a4c2">Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you</a>:
[QUOTE]A couple points: There is a difference between giving what you may consider bad advice, and giving advice in a rude way (good or bad). Maybe my advice has been bad in the past, but that doesn't equal giving RUDE advice with an attitude problem. Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

I find it extremely rude to tell someone you would have just eloped if you wouldn't have been able to afford 3405729378957834 appetizers with waiters to walk them around.

cindyn9178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_listen-up-newbie-brides-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f60ca394-2eb6-44b5-9038-18979976f324Post:41cc49d7-1287-4f4a-8693-98bebdd3495a">Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you</a>:
[QUOTE]OK Cindy, so how is it not rude to suggest to a bride that she needs to add alcohol after she specifically stated that she was not having alcohol at her wedding?  Pot, meet kettle, little lady.
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]
As I responded in that thread, it was a simple joke, and I apologize if it was taken as being rude. If I had been serious about that comment, I would've explained further than just saying that.

And again for the record  - "bad" advice does not neccessarily equal rude

Habs2Hart

Well, you give both bad advice and in a rude manner, so if you hate it so much on E, then leave, because we're just fine without you here. 

cindyn9178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_listen-up-newbie-brides-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f60ca394-2eb6-44b5-9038-18979976f324Post:e98bf45a-f818-4724-a4b6-fcf3ab28ffbc">Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you : I find it extremely rude to tell someone you would have just eloped if you wouldn't have been able to afford 3405729378957834 appetizers with waiters to walk them around.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]
And I've already addressed that multiple times.
I did not tell the OP that she should elope if she couldn't provide a lavish cocktail hour. I further explained in that thread that if I wasn't able to provide what MY FAMILY AND I felt was appropriate, then I would have eloped. That is my personal opinion and had nothing to do with my advice that I gave the OP.
 My advice to her was: You should serve some kind of food at your cocktail hour.
-which was the same advice that everybody else in the thread gave.

MattsPenguin

Isn't it rude to point out people's rudeness?  Oh wait, is that what we do over here?

Isn't it then more rude to point out that we are being rude responding to other peole's rudeness?

THEY DON'T KNOW WE KNOW THEY KNOW WE KNOW!!

cindyn9178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_listen-up-newbie-brides-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f60ca394-2eb6-44b5-9038-18979976f324Post:e97d0c24-dd93-4f06-ac9c-6149a868f1aa">Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you</a>:
[QUOTE]I LOVE ADAMAR. Cindy, I thought it was balls out rude of you to tell that chick she needed alcohol.  It was also rude to make the OP in the apps thread feel small because she's trying to figure out how she can afford something at cocktail on a super small budget and you swanned in with your 23 hors d'oeuvres and suckling pig.  That is rude. 
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]
Did the OP ever say I made her felt small?
As I recall, that was all of you assuming that I made her feel that way, because all of you didn't like what I said.
I also recall someone in that thread calling my family a bunch of pigs because of all the food we had. If that isn't rude, then I don't know what is - because that is a flat out insult.

Megbo2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_listen-up-newbie-brides-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f60ca394-2eb6-44b5-9038-18979976f324Post:163b4069-abcf-4b0f-a551-d97ba55de031">Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you : As I responded in that thread, it was a simple joke, and I apologize if it was taken as being rude. If I had been serious about that comment, I would've explained further than just saying that. And again for the record  - "bad" advice does not neccessarily equal rude
Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

<div>It's easy for your to say, sorry if I seemed rude! You misinterpreted me!</div><div>
</div><div>After you JUST said "E" always says they were misinterpreted as being rude.  </div><div>
</div><div>You are in dee Nile.  You were rude to tell OP about your FANTASTIC cocktail hour.  It wasn't even advice, so I don't think it could be considered bad advice.  Your advice generally seems bad, and rude.  No, they are not mutually exclusive, but with you, they seem to be.</div><div>
</div><div>And I would say this all to your face. I don't care. </div>

cindyn9178

And now everybody will go on ignoring my comments about being rude to someone who asks a question that has been asked many times before.... I feel that is a very valid point..
You all don't like when girls don't like when their idea isn't validated, but when I point out how you are wrong in some of your ways, you tell me to leave. Denial?

Have fun here ladies, with your rude attitudes.

adamar15

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_listen-up-newbie-brides-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f60ca394-2eb6-44b5-9038-18979976f324Post:d16e5f93-5039-4fae-9b16-2e2348b66334">Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Listen Up Newbie Brides - This one is for you : And I've already addressed that multiple times. I did not tell the OP that she should elope if she couldn't provide a lavish cocktail hour. I further explained in that thread that if I wasn't able to provide what MY FAMILY AND I felt was appropriate, then I would have eloped. That is my personal opinion and <strong>had nothing to do with my advice that I gave the OP. </strong> My advice to her was: You should serve some kind of food at your cocktail hour. -which was the same advice that everybody else in the thread gave.
Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

Exactly.  It was unnecessary information and it made you look like an arrogant asshole.