Wedding Etiquette Forum

Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place

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Re: Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place

  • I am so disappointed that I missed all of this over the last few days. 

    @knotporscha @knotcarly @knotirene there is some serious TOS violations in this thread that still need to be addressed. 
    Where are the secret mods when we neeeed them, lol.  (Is that still a thing?)
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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  • arrippaarrippa member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2013

    After catching up on this threadimage

     

     

  • edited December 2013

    If your fiance is concerned about  being "stuck" in Mexico. I am confused why you are still going to that country.  What if he has some kind of accident? That does happen to people on vacation.

    So having to get medical care in Mexico must not really be a problem.

    ........
    I'm sorry you all feel offended by someone random on the internet who never sought out your advice for this in the first place.  But I'm not sorry we are doing what is best for us.  I read some of the comments in the PPD thread on here, and they boggle my mind.  A few of you are even putting yourselves and/or your loved ones at financial and health risk just to say you are legally wed on the same day as your ceremony and I just can't get behind that.  I would never risk my or my S/O's financial & personal health in such a fashion.  You can think I'm "making up" reasons for what we have decided to do and that's fine.  It's still the best decision for us and that is what matters at the end of the day when I pay my bills and lay my head down on my pillow at night.


    I'd love to see what was posted that made you draw that conclusion. It has been stated repeatedly that you need to make a choice- if you truly need that insurance or other benefit then you get married sooner rather than later and thank your lucky stars you live in a country that allows (most) of it's people to get married anytime they want and receive such benefits. Of course, if you do choose this route then you forgo the big poufy wedding. Your wedding is the day you got married, whether it be at the courthouse or a small gathering at the park with immediate family. You don't get a re-do later on because that wasn't good enough or pretty enough or not enough people got to see you dolled up.

    Not one person has said that you can't get married because you desperately need health insurance or similar. Not one person has said that you must wait until the original wedding date if something terrible comes up and insurance, etc, is a must have. What was said, however, was that you either forgo the original wedding plans and get married right away or you get married now and hold a kick ass party on the original date. Most everyone likes a party. Very few likes to see someone pretend to get married when they already are.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • PolarBearFitzPolarBearFitz member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited January 2014
    jaimkirk said:
    Aurora - you sound like such an enormous douchebag.
    Doesn't this kind of insulting violate the TOS? @knotporscha

    This thread has gotten really ridiculous.
  • @aefitz29 yes, thank you for paging me. I've sent her a warning.
  • Seriously, who doesn't like money?  If you tell me you don't care about money, you're a big fat liar. 

    And I didn't say it was the reason for our DW.  It's the reason we legally married so early. 

    Boooooooooooooo

    I live in NYC and I'm on FI's medical insurance (as domestic partners). Don't talk to me about rent and tax hits. No excuse for a fake wedding. Grow a pair and be adults.
  • Sunshinejenn and mrseverhart are the same person, no?
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  • I agree with Pengwinn, I am hoping not to get rude... or "harsh" responses just wanting to state my opinion.  I am at the age where all of our friends are getting married.. I am not offended when there is not an open bar nor do I expect it to be open.  To be honest, I have not been to a fully open wedding yet.  I am sure I might get referred back to the original post regarding how that is rude.  My FI and I have not yet decided what we are doing.  However, if we do not have an open bar for our whole wedding we would not feel rude.  I do feel etiquette changes with time (yes I read the original post and realize many of you disagree).  For instance, it used to be proper etiquette to invite ALL out of town guest to the rehearsal dinner, which I have not heard of people doing anymore.  SO if you are a bride thinking of doing a cash bar - or some portion of it - then go for it.  I personally would not be offended.  

    Thank you for respecting my opinion.
  • Most of the venues I have looked at have not allowed an open bar for the entire event. The majority said that they must switch to cash for the last hour of the event or they completely stop selling alcohol for the last hour.  What I gathered from our discussions was that it was due to liability.  They told me that should someone leave the event and get into an accident (and I know everyone is going to say something about maturity and responsible drinking, but lets be honest there is always at least one person who drinks too much), the person who bought the last drink would be liable. So in the case of the open bar, the hosts.  Most venues have a 1mil or more insurance policy so taking on the liability is much easier for them than for you.  Not sure if this is the law in my state or if this is just the general trend for venues in my area, but honestly if there was an open bar for 4/5 hours I wouldn't be offended that it was cash for the last hour.   
  • kflynn589 said:

    I agree with Pengwinn, I am hoping not to get rude... or "harsh" responses just wanting to state my opinion.  I am at the age where all of our friends are getting married.. I am not offended when there is not an open bar nor do I expect it to be open.  To be honest, I have not been to a fully open wedding yet.  I am sure I might get referred back to the original post regarding how that is rude.  My FI and I have not yet decided what we are doing.  However, if we do not have an open bar for our whole wedding we would not feel rude.  I do feel etiquette changes with time (yes I read the original post and realize many of you disagree).  For instance, it used to be proper etiquette to invite ALL out of town guest to the rehearsal dinner, which I have not heard of people doing anymore.  SO if you are a bride thinking of doing a cash bar - or some portion of it - then go for it.  I personally would not be offended.  


    Thank you for respecting my opinion.
    You have been misinformed on correct etiquette. It was NEVER considered the rule to invite all OOT guests to the RD.

    You can disagree with etiquette rules but understand that not everyone will find the rudeness to be OK.
  • The bar closing the last hour to 1/2 hour is actually very common. And not breaking etiquette. Switching to cash at any time is breaking etiquette. If a venue was that worried about people driving drunk they would only allow the bar to be closed and not have the cash option. Money talks.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • kflynn589 said:
    I agree with Pengwinn, I am hoping not to get rude... or "harsh" responses just wanting to state my opinion.  I am at the age where all of our friends are getting married.. I am not offended when there is not an open bar nor do I expect it to be open.  To be honest, I have not been to a fully open wedding yet.  I am sure I might get referred back to the original post regarding how that is rude.  My FI and I have not yet decided what we are doing.  However, if we do not have an open bar for our whole wedding we would not feel rude.  I do feel etiquette changes with time (yes I read the original post and realize many of you disagree).  For instance, it used to be proper etiquette to invite ALL out of town guest to the rehearsal dinner, which I have not heard of people doing anymore.  SO if you are a bride thinking of doing a cash bar - or some portion of it - then go for it.  I personally would not be offended.  

    Thank you for respecting my opinion.
    this.
    I think if having a cash bar is the norm in your circle and you want one then just do it, even though it's "not proper etiquette". If the people you're inviting to your wedding have never been to a wedding with a cash bar and neither have you, then I would probably advise against it since you'd be breaking etiquette rules within your circle.
    I don't know anyone who has been to a wedding with an open bar and I didn't know about this huge etiquette faux pas until I joined TK. Therefore I'll most likely be doing open bar just for beer, wine, soda and water and if you want something else you can pay for it. I don't really care if most people here think that's rude. 
     




  • leese19 said:
    kflynn589 said:
    I agree with Pengwinn, I am hoping not to get rude... or "harsh" responses just wanting to state my opinion.  I am at the age where all of our friends are getting married.. I am not offended when there is not an open bar nor do I expect it to be open.  To be honest, I have not been to a fully open wedding yet.  I am sure I might get referred back to the original post regarding how that is rude.  My FI and I have not yet decided what we are doing.  However, if we do not have an open bar for our whole wedding we would not feel rude.  I do feel etiquette changes with time (yes I read the original post and realize many of you disagree).  For instance, it used to be proper etiquette to invite ALL out of town guest to the rehearsal dinner, which I have not heard of people doing anymore.  SO if you are a bride thinking of doing a cash bar - or some portion of it - then go for it.  I personally would not be offended.  

    Thank you for respecting my opinion.
    this.
    I think if having a cash bar is the norm in your circle and you want one then just do it, even though it's "not proper etiquette". If the people you're inviting to your wedding have never been to a wedding with a cash bar and neither have you, then I would probably advise against it since you'd be breaking etiquette rules within your circle.
    I don't know anyone who has been to a wedding with an open bar and I didn't know about this huge etiquette faux pas until I joined TK. Therefore I'll most likely be doing open bar just for beer, wine, soda and water and if you want something else you can pay for it. I don't really care if most people here think that's rude. 
    Posters here understand that we're all adults and are going to make our choices regardless of what people on an internet forum say.  You clearly have made yours (although I would ask - what's wrong with just offering the beer, wine and NA beverages and just not having anything else available?).  What isn't condoned is people giving poor etiquette advice on an etiquette forum.  Etiquette isn't opinion, regardless of whose it is and how many people in a given demographic may share it..  
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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  • I've come to accept that my opinion on the matter is not what most other peoples' here is.
    The thing with just having beer and wine- a lot of people like to drink cocktails. I actually dislike both beer and wine and would be pretty upset if I wasn't even allowed to purchase my own cocktail. Most people at my wedding would be pretty put off by this too if they don't like beer or wine. I get it's not proper etiquette but most people I know have terrible etiquette then.
     




  • leese19 said:
    I've come to accept that my opinion on the matter is not what most other peoples' here is.
    The thing with just having beer and wine- a lot of people like to drink cocktails. I actually dislike both beer and wine and would be pretty upset if I wasn't even allowed to purchase my own cocktail. Most people at my wedding would be pretty put off by this too if they don't like beer or wine. I get it's not proper etiquette but most people I know have terrible etiquette then.
    Which then begs the question.......why would you post "advice" that completely goes against etiquette....on an etiquette board.  Other posters, much like yourself, offer suggestions/advice/comments on the etiquette board which are contrary to proper etiquette. When we (the general "we") point out that your advice is mistaken, typically the bully/attack/mean girls card is played.  Please refrain from offering bad advice on an etiquette board.
  • I'm just trying to say if it was someone like me that is used to cash bars then they shouldn't feel bad about it. But you're right- if they have no idea and they're asking for advice then obviously they should probably not be doing a cash bar if it's not the norm in their circle.
     




  • leese19 said:

    I've come to accept that my opinion on the matter is not what most other peoples' here is.

    The thing with just having beer and wine- a lot of people like to drink cocktails. I actually dislike both beer and wine and would be pretty upset if I wasn't even allowed to purchase my own cocktail. Most people at my wedding would be pretty put off by this too if they don't like beer or wine. I get it's not proper etiquette but most people I know have terrible etiquette then.
    That's pretty unreasonable to get upset about. Do you also get upset if you're invited to a dinner party and the host only serves wine? When you're a guest at an event, it's rude to expect anything other than what the hosts are offering.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • leese19 said:

    I'm just trying to say if it was someone like me that is used to cash bars then they shouldn't feel bad about it. But you're right- if they have no idea and they're asking for advice then obviously they should probably not be doing a cash bar if it's not the norm in their circle.

    Just because something is common, "normal" or what you're used to doesn't make it less rude. Nor does it mean that people aren't offended. Just because no one says anything about an etiquette breach (which would also be an etiquette breach) doesn't mean they weren't offended.

    Example: Cutting in line is super common. Most of the time when it happens, no one says anything to the offender. Doesn't mean people aren't annoyed or that jumping the line isn't rude.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • i get it. You think it's wrong. A lot of people do. Everyone I know has cash bars- no one where I'm from thinks it's rude because that's just what people do- like I have said- most people I know have not even been to an open bar- does that make every wedding I have been to tacky? NO. This argument could go on forever. 
     




  • leese19 said:
    i get it. You think it's wrong. A lot of people do. Everyone I know has cash bars- no one where I'm from thinks it's rude because that's just what people do- like I have said- most people I know have not even been to an open bar- does that make every wedding I have been to tacky? NO. This argument could go on forever. 
    It might not have made it seem tacky to you, but you were improperly hosted for alcohol at every wedding you've been to if you have only been to weddings with a cash bar at the reception.  It is not proper etiquette to make your guests pay for anything at the reception, which is their thank you for attending your wedding ceremony.  Your personal opinion might be that you didn't mind paying for drinks, but it is still against proper etiquette.  Etiquette doesn't change with personal opinion.  The reason people keep correcting you is because you are stating your opinion which is against etiquette on an Etiquette forum and most of the new brides who have questions here don't read the whole thread so it's for their information. 

    Even if one person, or even a group of people care more about having their favorite alcohol at a wedding reception than being properly hosted, what is proper etiquette does not change.  This is because etiquette is about hosting your guests properly and trying to prevent their discomfort first and foremost.  You can sit through a reception without your alcoholic drink of choice, you shouldn't have to sit through it without a chair (for example.)
  • I don't like beer and I'm not a huge wine drinker, but that doesn't mean that at Christmas this year I demanded a mixed drink instead of drinking the wine my parents put on the table.  No one is entitled to their drink of choice everywhere they go.  Just because I like Mountain Dew as a soft drink doesn't mean I throw a fit or get up in arms if I go somewhere with Coke products being served.

    I may not be a fan of beer or wine, but I dislike having to pay for drinks at a "hosted" event even more.  This would leave a sour taste in my mouth even more than if they were unavailable.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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  • My question for those who ARE in favor of cash bars: When you have a party are your place/house/apartment do you charge your guests for drinks in your home?
  • Lindzxxo said:
    My question for those who ARE in favor of cash bars: When you have a party are your place/house/apartment do you charge your guests for drinks in your home?

    No but most of my friends will bring their own drinks if there is something specific they want. I'm sure we've all been to a BYOB party.
  • jdluvr06 said:
    Lindzxxo said:
    My question for those who ARE in favor of cash bars: When you have a party are your place/house/apartment do you charge your guests for drinks in your home?

    No but most of my friends will bring their own drinks if there is something specific they want. I'm sure we've all been to a BYOB party.
    But a wedding is not an informal BYOB party where the invitation is via Facebook events.  A wedding is a hosted affair, thus everything provided should be paid for by the hosts not the guests.


  • jdluvr06 said:
    Lindzxxo said:
    My question for those who ARE in favor of cash bars: When you have a party are your place/house/apartment do you charge your guests for drinks in your home?

    No but most of my friends will bring their own drinks if there is something specific they want. I'm sure we've all been to a BYOB party.



    *urgh stuck in box*

     The point is you don't CHARGE them for hijacking a soda or drink from your fridge. It should be the same for any hosted event such as a wedding.

    Also, I've never been to a BYOB but I usually host and I've never been much of a going out to party type girl.

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