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I was invited to a wedding, alone. I had a serious boyfriend, but we had not beene dating when the guest list was probably made, so I tried not to be offended, and we weren't super close, so I didn't ask to bring him. The ceremony was near my house, the black tie reception about an hour away.I RSVPed yes. I went to the ceremony, where I knew no one, and another guest told me the reception wasn't for 6 more hours (the invites said reception to follow) and was really just for couples. I already had a headache, so I just went home and skipped the reception. So I was a jerk here too, for being a no show. Totally admit it. But no thanks.Otherwise every other wedding has been lovely. There was one where it was 110 degrees and we were outside and miserable...but that was only sort of the B&G's fault, for choosing an outdoor reception site in July. The food and wine was delish. We were just miserable with the heat...cake was melting...pregnant guests had to leave early...etc.
AllOnOneDay said:1 - ...Bride 2 sent this 7 page rant on how I ruined everything. Her guests couldn't eat, no one saw her mad dance skillz and we missed the most important announcement. But I heard it later on the video she sent as a Christmas pout so I could see how sad all 7 guests were. She was pregnant, and since new hubby was so extra big (exact measurements were stated) she was having twins and labor would be so easy because he stretches her out. Which was made so much more hilarious as she'd those babies by the time I got the video, and everything was how horrible birth was, one got stuck, she had torn, etc...Eesh. #2 just really chaps me.
1 - ...Bride 2 sent this 7 page rant on how I ruined everything. Her guests couldn't eat, no one saw her mad dance skillz and we missed the most important announcement. But I heard it later on the video she sent as a Christmas pout so I could see how sad all 7 guests were. She was pregnant, and since new hubby was so extra big (exact measurements were stated) she was having twins and labor would be so easy because he stretches her out. Which was made so much more hilarious as she'd those babies by the time I got the video, and everything was how horrible birth was, one got stuck, she had torn, etc...Eesh. #2 just really chaps me.
Up until now I have been a lurker, but I just have to post to say I have spent the better part of last night and today reading this post, and am still only halfway done. But I have to keep reading, and hopefully will not have anything at my wedding that makes people talk behind my back! I can't believ some of these really happened!
priceisright07 said:Up until now I have been a lurker, but I just have to post to say I have spent the better part of last night and today reading this post, and am still only halfway done. But I have to keep reading, and hopefully will not have anything at my wedding that makes people talk behind my back! I can't believ some of these really happened!
Others on this board may not agree with me, but I feel the need to weigh in here.Etiquette is not an across the board "rude" or "not rude" determination (although there are obviously some things that just about anybody will consider rude). Etiquette is determined by culture. Different places have different cultural norms and practices, and thus, proper etiquette can be different in different places. For example, there are cultures where a "thumbs up" (which most of us in North America consider to be encouraging to others) is an extremely rude gesture; or where direct eye contact is considered rude - or where not giving direct eye contact is considered rude. Local culture (be it ethnically or socially influenced) determines appropriate and expected behaviour.The cash bar gets an etiquette beating in a lot of places - and that's fine in those places. In smaller towns and less well off communities, or just because of different norms in some places, providing alcohol for your guests may not be financially feasible (or not expected) for a lot of people. Alcohol is not a necessity in life, it is a luxury - and most of us are lucky enough to have enough disposable income to enjoy it, but plenty of people in the world don't. To say that people who can't afford a cash bar don't care enough about their guests is not only rude, it shows an ignorance of the wealth many of us have - and it is also extremely classist.There are things that are universally unacceptable - like uninviting people, ignoring a guest's name when it has been given, asking people to be present over the dinner hour and not feeding them, not providing enough food for everyone, requiring/expecting a gift (or worse, a particular gift), not sending a handwritten and personal thank you ... I don't know anyone who would consider those things good manners. That's what etiquette is supposed to be about. When it comes to things like being served food you don't like or don't want to eat - well, from an etiquette perspective, the polite thing to do is eat what your host has made/provided for you, whether or not you would have chosen it for yourself. Even a traditional Catholic who is fasting from meat and sweets during Lent would be expected to put etiquette first, and eat what their host has taken time and energy to provide for them (ask a priest, it's true).When it comes to how an invitation is extended - mail or email shouldn't matter, if you get a formal invitation with all the important details. In Canada, it now costs $1 to mail a letter to anywhere else in Canada. When you factor in save the dates, invitations, and thank you cards, that adds up quickly. I have 85 invitations to send, so that's $255 just in postage. If someone decides they can't afford for that much of their budget to go to postage, I quite frankly don't blame them (and shame on Canada Post for putting us all in this position). It would be ridiculous to cut a guest list to avoid that much postage, because email or an evite isn't "good enough."This brings me back to the cash bar - weddings are supposed to be about celebrating a marriage, a union, a merging of families. Cutting important people from the guest list, because getting a drink is more important than sharing your very special, once in a lifetime, milestone day with those who are most important to you and have supported and shaped you into who you are - well, where I'm from, making something as trivial as alcohol more important than people is about the rudest thing you could do - about the same as deciding to cut the guest list so you don't have to buy as many stamps. So if it comes down to a budget problem, and you have to choose between including everyone and providing an open bar, the people should be the priority. Not everyone is in a financial position, even if they put off their wedding a bit longer to save more money, to ever be able to spend the amount of money it would take to provide an open bar. That's how people think where I am from, and they are not wrong to think that way just because people in other places don't share that line of thinking. As an aside, those who are able to provide an open bar, are very fortunate to be able to do so (no matter where you live). I don't mean to be preachy, but the average amount spent on a wedding (just over $29,000 according to the Knot) is more than the minimum wage income for a year where I live. If you can spend anywhere near the average, you are very fortunate indeed - but if you can't, you shouldn't be made to feel that you are being discourteous or that you are selfish or that you don't care enough.On top of that, I don't know who made the rule that a party must have alcohol, but it's just not true. Food - yes. Food is a necessity in life. Alcohol is at best a nice extra, at worst, some people's path to destruction. This post ended up being longer than I meant it to be, so I apologize for that. I just felt it had to be said.
Likewise, I can deal with a gap between ceremony and reception. What I find less than tolerable is hours of hanging around at an out of town wedding while the bridal party swan off on an extended photo-shoot (or worse, to some sort of sub-reception of their own) leaving the rest of their guests without any sort of hospitality or arrangements to chill out elsewhere during the interval. That's just rude and dismissive of the comfort of your guests.
But there are gaps and gaps. I'm talking about the sort of HOURS AND HOURS long gap where the guests are just left kicking their heels, unrefreshed and out of town. It's not difficult, surely, to take pictures and consider the comfort of your guests, is it? Like isn't that what cocktail hour exists for?
@Ashley8918 - I just threw up in my mouth a little. I don't know if I would have made it through that whole thing.
I can't. That can't be real. You win.