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Etiquette

Worst Wedding You've Ever Been To?

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Re: Worst Wedding You've Ever Been To?

  • syoun1nj said:
    I was invited to a wedding, alone. I had a serious boyfriend, but we had not beene dating when the guest list was probably made, so I tried not to be offended, and we weren't super close, so I didn't ask to bring him. The ceremony was near my house, the black tie reception about an hour away.
    I RSVPed yes. I went to the ceremony, where I knew no one, and another guest told me the reception wasn't for 6 more hours (the invites said reception to follow) and was really just for couples. I already had a headache, so I just went home and skipped the reception. So I was a jerk here too, for being a no show. Totally admit it. But no thanks.

    Otherwise every other wedding has been lovely. There was one where it was 110 degrees and we were outside and miserable...but that was only sort of the B&G's fault, for choosing an outdoor reception site in July. The food and wine was delish. We were just miserable with the heat...cake was melting...pregnant guests had to leave early...etc.
    Whaaaa...?  A reception just for couples?  That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
  • Vaguely related to the groom who hooked up with bride 2. He came to his senses and filed for divorce and full custody before she had the kids. He's had them since about day 2. So I randomly heard about her insanity for a while. Since she's buddy buddy with my BSC sister, until BSC sister was estranged - she says shunned, I say I didn't kill her so I'm nice - we heard about what a tool groom was, she never saw the kids blah blah blah.

    Cash bars do not stop three 21 yo and one 22 yo who all are working in at least reasonably paying jobs. We had money, it was worth the price if only for the hilarity. And really, if I had to pay $3 for water, frack that. I'm buying the $10 alcohol and getting hammered for the amusement factor.

    3 wasn't bad at all to me. It was very late, had we not been laughing, probably would have gone with it figuring the majority of elderly aunts and so left, we could party more then. But MOB had to start which just made everything worse. We see the couple pretty often, we have solemn events on a regular basis.
  • I went to one last month in which: the ceremony started an hour late; the officiant announced the couple had already been legally married for a year and that this was, in fact, their first anniversary; and the couple had us, the guests, arrange the tables and chairs for the reception.
  • Oh one last bad wedding, I didn't think about it until I came here and I was overjoyed my long time buddy was getting married.

    It was an all outdoor wedding in July and was 95+ degrees. Everyone was sweating because it wasn't temp controlled. The groom made it clear during the reception that he just wanted to go on their honeymoon. The food was served by well meaning church goers and had obviously been prepared by them as well (there was no choice of dish) i was invited via the phone and after the ceremony we were told to drag our chairs to the reception site...Overall not terrible but still rather annoying...
  • Oh and no thank you note for the gift :/
  • Well, I don't know if this counts, since I didn't technically attend the wedding, but, well, read on. 

    Last year when FI and I were still dating, he was in a friend's wedding party. I started wondering allowed what I should wear to the wedding, and my FI sort of gave me a look. I felt very sheepish, and said, "oh, I'm not invited?" And he shook his head.

    When he got to the wedding, the groom asked him where I was. They had a place set and everything. I guess since FI was in the wedding party, no invitation was needed? WTF? I was really bummed.

    Also, when FI came home, he and the rest of the wedding party had gotten a glass mug that probably cost about 5 bucks that was engraved with the bride and groom's names and the date of their wedding. Tacky.

    Anyway, NO WHERE near as bad as some of the weddings I've read about in this thread, but damnit my FI looked SOOOOOOOOOOO good in that tux, and how often do people rent a tux anyway? I felt sort of cheated out of an evening with him, lol.
    perdonami
  • I was dating my now ex-bf four years at the time his cousins were married. He was in the wedding and I wasn't invited. My ex approached them about me not being invited and even though we had spent plenty of time together (the four of us) I wasn't allowed to come because we weren't engaged. They had "to determine where to make cuts and smgold6 was one of those".  They had an old church packed to the brim (no AC in the middle of midwest summer). There was a three hour gap inbetween ceremony and reception and had a cash bar. Their registries were listed in the invite and also asked for cash. TACKY.
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    CrazyCatLady3
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    1 -

    ...

    Bride 2 sent this 7 page rant on how I ruined everything. Her guests couldn't eat, no one saw her mad dance skillz and we missed the most important announcement. But I heard it later on the video she sent as a Christmas pout so I could see how sad all 7 guests were. She was pregnant, and since new hubby was so extra big (exact measurements were stated) she was having twins and labor would be so easy because he stretches her out. Which was made so much more hilarious as she'd those babies by the time I got the video, and everything was how horrible birth was, one got stuck, she had torn, etc...

    Eesh. #2 just really chaps me.

    --------------

    @AllOnOneDay Wait a minute, so she sent this video including new hubby's measurements and how this would affect pregnancy out as a Christmas video?! How many people saw this?!?! Please don't tell me this was sent out with/as a Christmas letter to all the nearest and dearest family and friends!

    Amyzen83
  • I don't understand crack heads, but I think the video was supposed to be how awful I made her reception. Since I was the ringleader of the bar entertainment, clearly it's all my fault. Only thing I did was refuse to cook, then let people know of her rules. There's two bars in that town, I'm in a 1/8th Swedish, 3/8th Russian and 1/2 German family, and my family lives up to the drinking skills "all" people from those countries have. Duh we found a bar.

    Erm, I burned the video. Ugh. I weirded out at comments apparently. Other than my roommate who was home - either not many saw it or they've poured bleach into their eyes. I try to blank the memories.
  • Up until now I have been a lurker, but I just have to post to say I have spent the better part of last night and today reading this post, and am still only halfway done. But I have to keep reading, and hopefully will not have anything at my wedding that makes people talk behind my back! I can't believ some of these really happened!

    Youre a champ if you can get through all these pages lol!
    grumbledoreCrazyCatLady3lkristenjbnwright0721
  • I only mention the food if there a) wasn't enough of it or b) it was cold when it was supposed to be hot.  I've luckily never been invited to a potluck wedding, but I would certainly complain about that.  Not having an option that I like?  Not complaint-worthy.

    Most of those kind of comments on this thread though are in addition to massive etiquette fails.  Once a host has completely screwed the pooch on being polite, all bets are off re: complaints, especially anonymous internet complaints.

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    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]pinkshorts27Amyzen83
  • Well, sure, you do have to take cultural differences into account. Over here in the UK, cash bars are fairly customary and not usually a pearl-clutching breach of wedding etiquette. Unusually, we had an open bar but then not a lot of our wedding was conventional.

    For me, it's not so much what's on offer but HOW it is offered that makes the difference between a good wedding and a train wreck. I don't care if I have received silver service catering if it is grudgingly given and I'm clearly made to feel grateful for it.

    Likewise, I can deal with a gap between ceremony and reception. What I find less than tolerable is hours of hanging around at an out of town wedding while the bridal party swan off on an extended photo-shoot (or worse, to some sort of sub-reception of their own) leaving the rest of their guests without any sort of hospitality or arrangements to chill out elsewhere during the interval. That's just rude and dismissive of the comfort of your guests.

    I don't judge an event by how much money has been thrown at it and without doubt, I'd be happier at a backyard BBQ where all the guests feel that their company really is a pleasure than I would at a more splendid do where the guests are treated like an inconvenience. 

    So yes, cultural differences are relevant. But poor and grudging hospitality is poor and grudging hospitality wherever in the world the wedding takes place.
    RebeccaB88Vivandiere8

  • Likewise, I can deal with a gap between ceremony and reception. What I find less than tolerable is hours of hanging around at an out of town wedding while the bridal party swan off on an extended photo-shoot (or worse, to some sort of sub-reception of their own) leaving the rest of their guests without any sort of hospitality or arrangements to chill out elsewhere during the interval. That's just rude and dismissive of the comfort of your guests.

    What other reason would there be?  That's pretty much the only kind of gap I've ever seen.

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    PrettyGirlLostperdonami
  • But there are gaps and gaps. I'm talking about the sort of HOURS AND HOURS long gap where the guests are just left kicking their heels, unrefreshed and out of town. It's not difficult, surely, to take pictures and consider the comfort of your guests, is it? Like isn't that what cocktail hour exists for?


  • But there are gaps and gaps. I'm talking about the sort of HOURS AND HOURS long gap where the guests are just left kicking their heels, unrefreshed and out of town. It's not difficult, surely, to take pictures and consider the comfort of your guests, is it? Like isn't that what cocktail hour exists for?
    A gap is a gap. It doesn't matter how long it is. If there is a break in time between the end of the ceremony and the beginning of the cocktail hour/reception, the hosts are being rude.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Agree. Which is why the cocktail hours (or equivalent) exists. Any gaps beyond that are just plain rude. Especially when sprung on unsuspecting guests who are then faced with the "Like it or Lump It" option.
  • But there are gaps and gaps. I'm talking about the sort of HOURS AND HOURS long gap where the guests are just left kicking their heels, unrefreshed and out of town. It's not difficult, surely, to take pictures and consider the comfort of your guests, is it? Like isn't that what cocktail hour exists for?


    A cocktail hour isn't a gap.  A gap is a period of time longer than one hour between the ceremony and reception, not including travel time.  And frankly I don't care whether it's hosted or not - I don't want to spend all day waiting for someone's wedding reception to start.  It's rude.

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    PrettyGirlLost
  • Fair enough. 
  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    mlle33 said:
    Others on this board may not agree with me, but I feel the need to weigh in here.

    Etiquette is not an across the board "rude" or "not rude" determination (although there are obviously some things that just about anybody will consider rude). Etiquette is determined by culture. Different places have different cultural norms and practices, and thus, proper etiquette can be different in different places. For example, there are cultures where a "thumbs up" (which most of us in North America consider to be encouraging to others) is an extremely rude gesture; or where direct eye contact is considered rude - or where not giving direct eye contact is considered rude. Local culture (be it ethnically or socially influenced) determines appropriate and expected behaviour.

    The cash bar gets an etiquette beating in a lot of places - and that's fine in those places. In smaller towns and less well off communities, or just because of different norms in some places, providing alcohol for your guests may not be financially feasible (or not expected) for a lot of people. Alcohol is not a necessity in life, it is a luxury - and most of us are lucky enough to have enough disposable income to enjoy it, but plenty of people in the world don't. To say that people who can't afford a cash bar don't care enough about their guests is not only rude, it shows an ignorance of the wealth many of us have - and it is also extremely classist.

    There are things that are universally unacceptable - like uninviting people, ignoring a guest's name when it has been given, asking people to be present over the dinner hour and not feeding them, not providing enough food for everyone, requiring/expecting a gift (or worse, a particular gift), not sending a handwritten and personal thank you ... I don't know anyone who would consider those things good manners. That's what etiquette is supposed to be about. 

    When it comes to things like being served food you don't like or don't want to eat - well, from an etiquette perspective, the polite thing to do is eat what your host has made/provided for you, whether or not you would have chosen it for yourself. Even a traditional Catholic who is fasting from meat and sweets during Lent would be expected to put etiquette first, and eat what their host has taken time and energy to provide for them (ask a priest, it's true).

    When it comes to how an invitation is extended - mail or email shouldn't matter, if you get a formal invitation with all the important details. In Canada, it now costs $1 to mail a letter to anywhere else in Canada. When you factor in save the dates, invitations, and thank you cards, that adds up quickly. I have 85 invitations to send, so that's $255 just in postage. If someone decides they can't afford for that much of their budget to go to postage, I quite frankly don't blame them (and shame on Canada Post for putting us all in this position). It would be ridiculous to cut a guest list to avoid that much postage, because email or an evite isn't "good enough."

    This brings me back to the cash bar - weddings are supposed to be about celebrating a marriage, a union, a merging of families. Cutting important people from the guest list, because getting a drink is more important than sharing your very special, once in a lifetime, milestone day with those who are most important to you and have supported and shaped you into who you are - well, where I'm from, making something as trivial as alcohol more important than people is about the rudest thing you could do - about the same as deciding to cut the guest list so you don't have to buy as many stamps. So if it comes down to a budget problem, and you have to choose between including everyone and providing an open bar, the people should be the priority. Not everyone is in a financial position, even if they put off their wedding a bit longer to save more money, to ever be able to spend the amount of money it would take to provide an open bar. That's how people think where I am from, and they are not wrong to think that way just because people in other places don't share that line of thinking. 

    As an aside, those who are able to provide an open bar, are very fortunate to be able to do so (no matter where you live). I don't mean to be preachy, but the average amount spent on a wedding (just over $29,000 according to the Knot) is more than the minimum wage income for a year where I live. If you can spend anywhere near the average, you are very fortunate indeed - but if you can't, you shouldn't be made to feel that you are being discourteous or that you are selfish or that you don't care enough.

    On top of that, I don't know who made the rule that a party must have alcohol, but it's just not true. Food - yes. Food is a necessity in life. Alcohol is at best a nice extra, at worst, some people's path to destruction. 

    This post ended up being longer than I meant it to be, so I apologize for that. I just felt it had to be said.
    What I disagree with about your post is that you seem to think there is no other option available to a wedding couple than "cash bar" or "open bar".  There are limited open bars of just beer and/or wine which might include a signature cocktail that the couple pay for so the guests don't have to.  Or a having a dry wedding is completely acceptable.  If the hosts provide some sort of libation which their guests don't have to pay for, it does not have to contain alcohol at all.  I actually think a cash bar is incredibly classist.  Some guests will have money to pay for the premium liquor and others will have to sit around and watch them drink it because they didn't bring money/don't have the extra money to pay for alcohol at a wedding.

    I personally would not care if someone sent me an e-mail invitation for their wedding, provided that it wasn't indicative of a B-list situation (where I am less important than the people who received "real invitations" and was invited just to fill an empty seat), didn't tell me to spend money on gifts and/or tell me what to wear.  I find that behavior rude no matter how one sends the invitations to the guests.  Sure, it's a little less formal than a paper invitation, but people have less than black tie formal weddings all the time and for those weddings it would be appropriate. 

    The only reason my post on this thread included food was because it was cold and disgusting when it was finally served to our table.  What should've been a perfectly acceptable piece of chicken and mashed potatoes with green beans was just a cold mess.  This indicates a lack of proper hosting because no guest should be served cold food.  Especially as chicken, when served under improper conditions, can make people sick.  If the food had arrived at proper temperature and was merely bland in taste, you can bet I would've sucked it up and eaten it because that's polite.  If they had handled their wedding properly to begin with, I might not have posted on this thread at all since the food was the least of their problems.

    luckysnorkelAmyzen83casey8784adverb1129
  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 Deep in the Heart of Texas member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    @Ashley8918 - I just threw up in my mouth a little. I don't know if I would have made it through that whole thing.

    image   image   image

    Amyzen83PrettyGirlLost
  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    @Ashley8918 - I just threw up in my mouth a little. I don't know if I would have made it through that whole thing.
    It was so horrible! She is a very good friend, so i felt a little bit bad for being so judgemental, but COME ON.

    Amyzen83PrettyGirlLost
  • @Ashley8918

    I can't. That can't be real. You win.
    Amyzen83PrettyGirlLost
  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    @cruffino

    I WISH I was kidding. I'll have to see if I can dig up some super classy pictures.
    offthemarket915Amyzen83PrettyGirlLost
  • cruffino said:
    @Ashley8918 I can't. That can't be real. You win.
    Oh come on, the one where the bride sent out a video to people telling them about her husband's huge dick definitely wins.  

    But this one sounds pretty freaking awful.

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    Amyzen83
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