Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)

pinkshorts27

JenLee217 said:

@southernbelle0915‌. No I don't want the big wedding. He does. I have a huge family and didn't want to have to do the big thing. I prefer the small.

So instead of working it out as a couple and compromising, you decided to do both.

JenLee217

@pinkshorts27‌ that was the compromise I get my small one and we would renew and do big one I was hoping for something next year or the following year. But since his grandma is ill we moved it up for this year.

southernbelle0915

JenLee217 said:

@southernbelle0915‌. No I don't want the big wedding. He does. I have a huge family and didn't want to have to do the big thing. I prefer the small.

If this is something you don't want, don't do it. You're already married. This may be a big lesson in newlywed compromise - he doesn't always get everything he wants. There are ways to have a big shindig without getting into etiquette no-no PPD territory:

- be clear that it's not a wedding because nobody is getting married

- skip the fake ceremony (no one is getting married, so this is 100% pretend)

- skip the "bride" "groom" "BM" "GM" titles... no one is a bride, no one is a groom and therefore no one is a BM or GM (you are a wife, he is a husband and attendants are guests - maybe give them a nice guest of honor table)

- skip the "firsts" (first dance, father/daughter dance, mother/son dance, cake cutting - as these are all wedding traditions... not vow renewal traditions)

- have a party - get it catered, have a DJ, rent a venue, have centerpieces, etc.

People have parties/celebrations all the time. What you want to avoid is basically pretending that the event is something that it's not.

ETA: I should also add that your husband forfeited the big wedding he GOT MARRIED at the JOP. Unless yall get divorced and get married again, there are no more weddings between the two of you. 

pinkshorts27

JenLee217 said:

@pinkshorts27‌ that was the compromise I get my small one and we would renew and do big one I was hoping for something next year or the following year. But since his grandma is ill we moved it up for this year.

How do you compromise on house size or number of children or how much to put in retirement? Doing both isn't reasonable.

NYCBruin

flantastic said:

That is an absurd compromise.

I wouldn't call it an absurd compromise...because it's not a compromise....

I wonder how the "let's each do what we want" strategy will work if they have children?

LDay2014

JenLee217 said:

@pinkshorts27‌ that was the compromise I get my small one and we would renew and do big one I was hoping for something next year or the following year. But since his grandma is ill we moved it up for this year.

So grandma's wish is to watch her grandson reenact something that happened a year ago?

Vow renewal after a year...I'd seriously side eye this

NYCBruin

LDay2014 said:

@pinkshorts27‌ that was the compromise I get my small one and we would renew and do big one I was hoping for something next year or the following year. But since his grandma is ill we moved it up for this year.

So grandma's wish is to watch her grandson reenact something that happened a year ago? Vow renewal after a year...I'd seriously side eye this

I would too.  Although I do give her credit for not lying to her guests.  At least people can make an informed decision on whether to attend.

perdonami

The most awful aspect of PPDs has been avoided in this situation as she is being honest with everyone and herself that she is married and has been since Nov. 1st, 2013. Which I assume is when they will be celebrating their anniversary.

OP, you don't have to make this event a PPD. Instead have a tasteful celebration of your marriage. I wouldn't call it a vow renewal but more of a "come celebrate our love!" event.

Have yummy food, a delicious cake, music with dancing, and all the floral decorations you want! Hell, you could probably still get a way with wearing a fabulous dress (I would avoid white and pouf though). But, please don't disrespect your union or the institution of marriage as a whole by hosting a fake wedding. All those traditions will be meaningless and are unecessary to be wed anyway.

dragonavicious

I agree that people should think before they get married. If they want a nice traditional wedding where everyone celebrates them as a couple then fine, but that takes planning and sacrifice. If someone wants to celebrate their marriage after the fact with a reception of sorts then that's fine too. If people want to give them gifts then fine, but that doesn't mean they should register. I once knew a girl who almost won this free wedding competition when it turned out she had already been married for a year and a half. (The second woman was dying of cancer and she didn't concede. She seriously left kicking and screaming). That is a perfect example of someone who just wants the attention and the 'fame' and presents. However, I can not presume to know every single person out there. Nor can I judge every single extenuating circumstance. Some people do not feel it is a marriage until it is in a church. Some people don't feel it is a real marriage until the papers are signed. What would you say to a couple who had the church wedding first then signed the papers a few weeks later? I know another woman who was having a destination wedding, everything was all set but the country she was getting married in had very difficult laws. Essentially, the paper work would be very expensive and it would take weeks after the wedding for them to be legally married. She didn't find this out until a few weeks before the date so she and her fiancee had a legal marriage so everything would be fine once they got there. That is a totally different situation then a person who got married for the insurance two years ago and now wants everyone to give her presents and take her picture. So instead of insulting people and making them feel defensive, try to guide them in examining themselves and their reasoning behind it. Because, in my life experience, it is the selfish relationships that don't last very long. Help people grow, don't tear them down.

Jells2dot0

dragonavicious said:

I agree that people should think before they get married. If they want a nice traditional wedding where everyone celebrates them as a couple then fine, but that takes planning and sacrifice. If someone wants to celebrate their marriage after the fact with a reception of sorts then that's fine too. If people want to give them gifts then fine, but that doesn't mean they should register. I once knew a girl who almost won this free wedding competition when it turned out she had already been married for a year and a half. (The second woman was dying of cancer and she didn't concede. She seriously left kicking and screaming). That is a perfect example of someone who just wants the attention and the 'fame' and presents. However, I can not presume to know every single person out there. Nor can I judge every single extenuating circumstance. Some people do not feel it is a marriage until it is in a church. Some people don't feel it is a real marriage until the papers are signed. What would you say to a couple who had the church wedding first then signed the papers a few weeks later? I know another woman who was having a destination wedding, everything was all set but the country she was getting married in had very difficult laws. Essentially, the paper work would be very expensive and it would take weeks after the wedding for them to be legally married. She didn't find this out until a few weeks before the date so she and her fiancee had a legal marriage so everything would be fine once they got there. That is a totally different situation then a person who got married for the insurance two years ago and now wants everyone to give her presents and take her picture. So instead of insulting people and making them feel defensive, try to guide them in examining themselves and their reasoning behind it. Because, in my life experience, it is the selfish relationships that don't last very long. Help people grow, don't tear them down.

I can't highlight since i'm on my phone, but I call bullshit on the DW story. Why would a couple, or any good celebrant, wait until a few weeks before to start paperwork? It's pretty much common sense when you decide to get married in a different country that their laws will be different. You also wouldn't wait until the last minute to hire a celebrant, because without them, you won't have a marriage ceremony. If this couple got married at a resort, then the resort would have provided the guidelines up front and requested the paperwork to get started. In my case, I worked with my celebrant a year in advance to get the paperwork approved and then choose my vows. Or, on the other hand, the couple could have had their DW ceremony and made it legal in the US upon their return. So, at least the guests were seeing the couple exchange vows and rings as an engaged couple rather than husband and wife.

APDSS22

dragonavicious said:

I agree that people should think before they get married. If they want a nice traditional wedding where everyone celebrates them as a couple then fine, but that takes planning and sacrifice.


If someone wants to celebrate their marriage after the fact with a reception of sorts then that's fine too. If people want to give them gifts then fine, but that doesn't mean they should register.


I once knew a girl who almost won this free wedding competition when it turned out she had already been married for a year and a half. (The second woman was dying of cancer and she didn't concede. She seriously left kicking and screaming). That is a perfect example of someone who just wants the attention and the 'fame' and presents.


However, I can not presume to know every single person out there. Nor can I judge every single extenuating circumstance. Some people do not feel it is a marriage until it is in a church. Some people don't feel it is a real marriage until the papers are signed. What would you say to a couple who had the church wedding first then signed the papers a few weeks later?


I know another woman who was having a destination wedding, everything was all set but the country she was getting married in had very difficult laws. Essentially, the paper work would be very expensive and it would take weeks after the wedding for them to be legally married. She didn't find this out until a few weeks before the date so she and her fiancee had a legal marriage so everything would be fine once they got there.


That is a totally different situation then a person who got married for the insurance two years ago and now wants everyone to give her presents and take her picture.


So instead of insulting people and making them feel defensive, try to guide them in examining themselves and their reasoning behind it. Because, in my life experience, it is the selfish relationships that don't last very long. Help people grow, don't tear them down.

For the church wedding, if they live in a country like the US or Canada where you can get legally married by your religious officiant then they should have gotten the paperwork together to do both at the same time. If you want legal marriage status, you have to apply for a license like everyone else.

For the destination wedding with tricky and expensive laws, this is why doing your homework is necessary. If this person didn't think to look into the legal aspects of the marriage before committing to the location that is a lack of foresight on her part. I can't think of a single place that you can book stuff for that you can't find online.

Lack of planning on someone else's part doesn't constitute an emergency on my part. That being said, if a couple runs into problems as a last resort maybe they do the legal paperwork to get actually married or plan to do it after they get back but TELL the guests that the wedding they are invited to is not where the business with the legal aspects is going to take place. At the very least don't lie about it.

LadyMillil

APDSS22 said:

I agree that people should think before they get married. If they want a nice traditional wedding where everyone celebrates them as a couple then fine, but that takes planning and sacrifice. If someone wants to celebrate their marriage after the fact with a reception of sorts then that's fine too. If people want to give them gifts then fine, but that doesn't mean they should register. I once knew a girl who almost won this free wedding competition when it turned out she had already been married for a year and a half. (The second woman was dying of cancer and she didn't concede. She seriously left kicking and screaming). That is a perfect example of someone who just wants the attention and the 'fame' and presents. However, I can not presume to know every single person out there. Nor can I judge every single extenuating circumstance. Some people do not feel it is a marriage until it is in a church. Some people don't feel it is a real marriage until the papers are signed. What would you say to a couple who had the church wedding first then signed the papers a few weeks later? I know another woman who was having a destination wedding, everything was all set but the country she was getting married in had very difficult laws. Essentially, the paper work would be very expensive and it would take weeks after the wedding for them to be legally married. She didn't find this out until a few weeks before the date so she and her fiancee had a legal marriage so everything would be fine once they got there. That is a totally different situation then a person who got married for the insurance two years ago and now wants everyone to give her presents and take her picture. So instead of insulting people and making them feel defensive, try to guide them in examining themselves and their reasoning behind it. Because, in my life experience, it is the selfish relationships that don't last very long. Help people grow, don't tear them down.

For the church wedding, if they live in a country like the US or Canada where you can get legally married by your religious officiant then they should have gotten the paperwork together to do both at the same time. 

SITB

My minister would NOT participate in our wedding ceremony if we did not have the paperwork to sign during the ceremony to make it legal.

APDSS22

LadyMillil said:

APDSS22 said:

I agree that people should think before they get married. If they want a nice traditional wedding where everyone celebrates them as a couple then fine, but that takes planning and sacrifice. If someone wants to celebrate their marriage after the fact with a reception of sorts then that's fine too. If people want to give them gifts then fine, but that doesn't mean they should register. I once knew a girl who almost won this free wedding competition when it turned out she had already been married for a year and a half. (The second woman was dying of cancer and she didn't concede. She seriously left kicking and screaming). That is a perfect example of someone who just wants the attention and the 'fame' and presents. However, I can not presume to know every single person out there. Nor can I judge every single extenuating circumstance. Some people do not feel it is a marriage until it is in a church. Some people don't feel it is a real marriage until the papers are signed. What would you say to a couple who had the church wedding first then signed the papers a few weeks later? I know another woman who was having a destination wedding, everything was all set but the country she was getting married in had very difficult laws. Essentially, the paper work would be very expensive and it would take weeks after the wedding for them to be legally married. She didn't find this out until a few weeks before the date so she and her fiancee had a legal marriage so everything would be fine once they got there. That is a totally different situation then a person who got married for the insurance two years ago and now wants everyone to give her presents and take her picture. So instead of insulting people and making them feel defensive, try to guide them in examining themselves and their reasoning behind it. Because, in my life experience, it is the selfish relationships that don't last very long. Help people grow, don't tear them down.

For the church wedding, if they live in a country like the US or Canada where you can get legally married by your religious officiant then they should have gotten the paperwork together to do both at the same time. 

SITB

My minister would NOT participate in our wedding ceremony if we did not have the paperwork to sign during the ceremony to make it legal.

Mine was the same.  I think it would be a pretty shady officiant that wouldn't ask for the legal paperwork in advance of the ceremony.  Obviously, if the religious ceremony would not be recognized as a legitimate legal ceremony as they have to be separate in some countries that would be different.  But in most of those cases it is recognized that the two must be separate for legal reasons not because the couple didn't bother to get their legal ducks in a row.

syoun1nj

When we first spoke with our officiant, we mentioned we had considered having a friend do it before we realized our state didnt allow that. She said it was an option, in that she would attend the ceremony, have our friend say some stuff, and then privately marry us legally real quick "back stage."

That felt inauthentic to us. We didnt do it. She married us legally in front of our friends/family. It was awesome. 

Knottie04135568

I really think this whole thread smacks of what I dislike most about TheKnot.com. The judgmental attitude most users have about weddings and how things should be done. Just calling this PPD, or Pretty Princess Day is very hurtful. Isn't that what all of our wedding's are in reality? ANYWAY....

The other night I was thinking about some post or other on here and how hurtful, or in your words honest, you all are about different wedding topics. A few decades ago, all the rules were different, right? And a few decades before than, different again. My point is, who decided all of these rules of etiquette? Who decided what was considered rude to a guest? Miss Manners, some other writer? Why? What/who decided that their rules were the right ones?

I guess in the end, we all decide for ourselves. I just really find this kind of judgmental behavior appalling. I've never experienced this exact event, although I don't think I'd be that pissed about it.  I try to be a positive person.  I've experienced several things that according to you gals, would be rude behavior, but I didn't see it that way at all. Why is it necessary to be so rude, oh you say honest, about what someone from a different perspective would want to do? Just don't do it. Why the need to create an acronym for it, and a whole post listing all the reasons you find it wrong? I guess, that is the whole point of a forum. To say whatever we want, and to that end I am glad I get to bring my very differing opinion to this site.

All this negativity just makes me sad. We should be supporting each other as women celebrating finding someone to live our lives with, not berating each other for how we choose to do that. Thanks for reading this.

MobKaz

Knottie04135568 said:

I really think this whole thread smacks of what I dislike most about TheKnot.com. The judgmental attitude most users have about weddings and how things should be done. Just calling this PPD, or Pretty Princess Day is very hurtful. Isn't that what all of our wedding's are in reality? ANYWAY....

The other night I was thinking about some post or other on here and how hurtful, or in your words honest, you all are about different wedding topics. A few decades ago, all the rules were different, right? And a few decades before than, different again. My point is, who decided all of these rules of etiquette? Who decided what was considered rude to a guest? Miss Manners, some other writer? Why? What/who decided that their rules were the right ones?

I guess in the end, we all decide for ourselves. I just really find this kind of judgmental behavior appalling. I've never experienced this exact event, although I don't think I'd be that pissed about it.  I try to be a positive person.  I've experienced several things that according to you gals, would be rude behavior, but I didn't see it that way at all. Why is it necessary to be so rude, oh you say honest, about what someone from a different perspective would want to do? Just don't do it. Why the need to create an acronym for it, and a whole post listing all the reasons you find it wrong? I guess, that is the whole point of a forum. To say whatever we want, and to that end I am glad I get to bring my very differing opinion to this site.

All this negativity just makes me sad. We should be supporting each other as women celebrating finding someone to live our lives with, not berating each other for how we choose to do that. Thanks for reading this.

I will not rehash 44 pages of a thread.  I will simply state that the crux of the PPD issue is when lying to friends and family is involved.  I am fairly certain that lying is universally rude and appalling behavior, and not exclusive to The Knot.  If negativity makes you sad, how do you think you would feel if you spent a few thousand dollars to attend a staged event?

Jells2dot0

MobKaz said:

Knottie04135568 said:

I really think this whole thread smacks of what I dislike most about TheKnot.com. The judgmental attitude most users have about weddings and how things should be done. Just calling this PPD, or Pretty Princess Day is very hurtful. Isn't that what all of our wedding's are in reality? ANYWAY....

The other night I was thinking about some post or other on here and how hurtful, or in your words honest, you all are about different wedding topics. A few decades ago, all the rules were different, right? And a few decades before than, different again. My point is, who decided all of these rules of etiquette? Who decided what was considered rude to a guest? Miss Manners, some other writer? Why? What/who decided that their rules were the right ones?

I guess in the end, we all decide for ourselves. I just really find this kind of judgmental behavior appalling. I've never experienced this exact event, although I don't think I'd be that pissed about it.  I try to be a positive person.  I've experienced several things that according to you gals, would be rude behavior, but I didn't see it that way at all. Why is it necessary to be so rude, oh you say honest, about what someone from a different perspective would want to do? Just don't do it. Why the need to create an acronym for it, and a whole post listing all the reasons you find it wrong? I guess, that is the whole point of a forum. To say whatever we want, and to that end I am glad I get to bring my very differing opinion to this site.

All this negativity just makes me sad. We should be supporting each other as women celebrating finding someone to live our lives with, not berating each other for how we choose to do that. Thanks for reading this.

I will not rehash 44 pages of a thread.  I will simply state that the crux of the PPD issue is when lying to friends and family is involved.  I am fairly certain that lying is universally rude and appalling behavior, and not exclusive to The Knot.  If negativity makes you sad, how do you think you would feel if you spent a few thousand dollars to attend a staged event?



This. It's also an entitlement issue. There are lots of couples on The Knot that are extremely fortunate to have the wedding of their dreams, but even then, most of them had to make some sacrifices along the way. Most PPDs are lies because the couple felt their legal wedding was not good enough or not real because it wasn't "the dream." So, the many couples on here who had to scale back or never wanted the big event didn't have a real wedding? Whatever happened to the dream of marrying the love of your life? It's sad that weddings have become more about the show and the party than the marriage.

chibiyui

Knottie04135568 said:

I really think this whole thread smacks of what I dislike most about TheKnot.com. The judgmental attitude most users have about weddings and how things should be done. Just calling this PPD, or Pretty Princess Day is very hurtful. Isn't that what all of our wedding's are in reality? ANYWAY....

The other night I was thinking about some post or other on here and how hurtful, or in your words honest, you all are about different wedding topics. A few decades ago, all the rules were different, right? And a few decades before than, different again. My point is, who decided all of these rules of etiquette? Who decided what was considered rude to a guest? Miss Manners, some other writer? Why? What/who decided that their rules were the right ones?

I guess in the end, we all decide for ourselves. I just really find this kind of judgmental behavior appalling. I've never experienced this exact event, although I don't think I'd be that pissed about it.  I try to be a positive person.  I've experienced several things that according to you gals, would be rude behavior, but I didn't see it that way at all. Why is it necessary to be so rude, oh you say honest, about what someone from a different perspective would want to do? Just don't do it. Why the need to create an acronym for it, and a whole post listing all the reasons you find it wrong? I guess, that is the whole point of a forum. To say whatever we want, and to that end I am glad I get to bring my very differing opinion to this site.

All this negativity just makes me sad. We should be supporting each other as women celebrating finding someone to live our lives with, not berating each other for how we choose to do that. Thanks for reading this.

I will worry about supporting random women embrace their tackiest dreams when every woman has easy, affordable access to reproductive health care, without any old white dudes interfering. I will worry about supporting PPD s when every lady cab marry the lady of her her dreams if she so chooses. Until then, this doesn't register on my give a fuck list.

ohannabelle

chibiyui said:

I really think this whole thread smacks of what I dislike most about TheKnot.com. The judgmental attitude most users have about weddings and how things should be done. Just calling this PPD, or Pretty Princess Day is very hurtful. Isn't that what all of our wedding's are in reality? ANYWAY....

The other night I was thinking about some post or other on here and how hurtful, or in your words honest, you all are about different wedding topics. A few decades ago, all the rules were different, right? And a few decades before than, different again. My point is, who decided all of these rules of etiquette? Who decided what was considered rude to a guest? Miss Manners, some other writer? Why? What/who decided that their rules were the right ones?

I guess in the end, we all decide for ourselves. I just really find this kind of judgmental behavior appalling. I've never experienced this exact event, although I don't think I'd be that pissed about it.  I try to be a positive person.  I've experienced several things that according to you gals, would be rude behavior, but I didn't see it that way at all. Why is it necessary to be so rude, oh you say honest, about what someone from a different perspective would want to do? Just don't do it. Why the need to create an acronym for it, and a whole post listing all the reasons you find it wrong? I guess, that is the whole point of a forum. To say whatever we want, and to that end I am glad I get to bring my very differing opinion to this site.

All this negativity just makes me sad. We should be supporting each other as women celebrating finding someone to live our lives with, not berating each other for how we choose to do that. Thanks for reading this.

I will worry about supporting random women embrace their tackiest dreams when every woman has easy, affordable access to reproductive health care, without any old white dudes interfering. I will worry about supporting PPD s when every lady cab marry the lady of her her dreams if she so chooses. Until then, this doesn't register on my give a fuck list.

Soooooo much exactly what chibiyui said. I do support other women. I'll support your civil rights, your reproductive rights, your constitutional rights, your human rights.

Getting dressed up and playing bride because you feel you have "the right" to a fluffy dress and presents and a fancy cake? Nope. 

All adults judge, I hope. It's called exercising judgement. My judgement is that a false reenactment of something that has already happened is false behavior and pretense. I do not support your right to be indulged in attention craving false behavior, and the expectation that your guests should play pretend along with that falseness. 

holyguacamole79

Knottie04135568 said:

I really think this whole thread smacks of what I dislike most about TheKnot.com. The judgmental attitude most users have about weddings and how things should be done. Just calling this PPD, or Pretty Princess Day is very hurtful. Isn't that what all of our wedding's are in reality? ANYWAY....

The other night I was thinking about some post or other on here and how hurtful, or in your words honest, you all are about different wedding topics. A few decades ago, all the rules were different, right? And a few decades before than, different again. My point is, who decided all of these rules of etiquette? Who decided what was considered rude to a guest? Miss Manners, some other writer? Why? What/who decided that their rules were the right ones?

I guess in the end, we all decide for ourselves. I just really find this kind of judgmental behavior appalling. I've never experienced this exact event, although I don't think I'd be that pissed about it.  I try to be a positive person.  I've experienced several things that according to you gals, would be rude behavior, but I didn't see it that way at all. Why is it necessary to be so rude, oh you say honest, about what someone from a different perspective would want to do? Just don't do it. Why the need to create an acronym for it, and a whole post listing all the reasons you find it wrong? I guess, that is the whole point of a forum. To say whatever we want, and to that end I am glad I get to bring my very differing opinion to this site.

All this negativity just makes me sad. We should be supporting each other as women celebrating finding someone to live our lives with, not berating each other for how we choose to do that. Thanks for reading this.

I honestly find it kind of refreshing. We live in a world of entitlement. I deserve this, I deserve that. Sometimes people should be called out for this crap.m nobody is judging to the point of saying she is a bad person or is going to have a shitty marriage. It's just a reality check that it is an asinine idea that often involves lying to people who are supposedly near & dear to you.

mrsmagicgeek

I agree, @sarahbear31. Before I even posted here I read find of threads (including this one). I'm pretty clueless socially, and I knew what I needed was a group of ppl that would call me on my crap if I needed it. If I was simply looking for affirmation I'd go to WW or call my mom. (Actual she might call me on my crap too so maybe not lol)

nadene&darren

I am offended by the "advice" given in the original post! My husband and I got married 6/26/14. I found an ordained minister online and she was able to meet us with only a days notice. My son and I needed insurance immediately. I got laid off and could not afford our own policy. This was the best option for our family. My boyfriend and I knew we wanted to get married next year but could NOT afford a wedding now, so we had a civil ceremony ONLY to make it legal for me to be covered by his insurance policy. I have a huge family and the guest list is around 250-300 people! Just because our civil ceremony was NOT meaningful to us does not mean we believe ALL civil ceremonies are meaningless. Yes, it was the day we LEGALLY got married, but to US, it's just a piece of paper! To my husband and I, a wedding is the day when you celebrate your love and commitment to each other in front of your family and friends. We will be renewing our vows on 6/26/15. I'll be wearing a beautiful wedding gown at our ceremony and will dance the night away at our fabulous reception!

nadene&darren

Clarification.... OUR wedding is the day when we will celebrate our love and commitment to each other in front of our family and friends.

Viczaesar

nadene&darren said:

I am offended by the "advice" given in the original post! My husband and I got married 6/26/14. I found an ordained minister online and she was able to meet us with only a days notice. My son and I needed insurance immediately. I got laid off and could not afford our own policy. This was the best option for our family. My boyfriend and I knew we wanted to get married next year but could NOT afford a wedding now, so we had a civil ceremony ONLY to make it legal for me to be covered by his insurance policy. I have a huge family and the guest list is around 250-300 people! Just because our civil ceremony was NOT meaningful to us does not mean we believe ALL civil ceremonies are meaningless. Yes, it was the day we LEGALLY got married, but to US, it's just a piece of paper! To my husband and I, a wedding is the day when you celebrate your love and commitment to each other in front of your family and friends. We will be renewing our vows on 6/26/15. I'll be wearing a beautiful wedding gown at our ceremony and will dance the night away at our fabulous reception!

Vow renewal =/= wedding. 

ohannabelle

nadene&darren said:

I am offended by the "advice" given in the original post! My husband and I got married 6/26/14. I found an ordained minister online and she was able to meet us with only a days notice. My son and I needed insurance immediately. I got laid off and could not afford our own policy. This was the best option for our family. My boyfriend and I knew we wanted to get married next year but could NOT afford a wedding now, so we had a civil ceremony ONLY to make it legal for me to be covered by his insurance policy. I have a huge family and the guest list is around 250-300 people! Just because our civil ceremony was NOT meaningful to us does not mean we believe ALL civil ceremonies are meaningless. Yes, it was the day we LEGALLY got married, but to US, it's just a piece of paper! To my husband and I, a wedding is the day when you celebrate your love and commitment to each other in front of your family and friends. We will be renewing our vows on 6/26/15. I'll be wearing a beautiful wedding gown at our ceremony and will dance the night away at our fabulous reception!

Yes. You'll be renewing your vows. That part was correct. 

That's not a wedding. A wedding happens the day you're wed. See that? Wed. Wedding. It means getting married. Which you did, legally and with a minister. That was a wedding. 

Nice of you to redefine the English language and reality, but "wedding" does not mean big ass public show of getting married with guests present while you wear a pretty dress. Wedding means getting married. You had a wedding. You just want a different kind of wedding, now. 

It's not just a piece of paper. It's a piece of paper that entitles you to certain rights and benefits, as a wife- as you know. You get those benefits when you are.....what's the word? Yep, married. 

Have fun in your bride costume at your theatrical reenactment. I hope you didn't lie to your audience, because people really care to know if they're at an actual wedding rather than a show.

nadene&darren

6/26/15 will be OUR wedding day. Viczaesar, you missed the point. I used the words "renewing our vows" for all of the negative a**holes who resent others for having a second ceremony. FYI, grammar is the way words are used in conjunction with each other and punctuation properly. Grammar has nothing to do with the definitions of words. For future reference, it's proper grammar to write out "does not equal" instead of using "=/=".

ohannabelle, thank you for proving my point. Apparently you didn't look past the first definition of marriage in your dictionary. Check out Merriam-Webster which states the following: "a wedding anniversary or its celebration".  You're not invited, I don't even know you.... why do you even care what I do? 

So fortunate to have loving family and friends who can't wait to celebrate with us! People that understand there isn't just ONE definition for the word wedding. People that realize a wedding is something personal which can be celebrated in many different ways. People that have an open mind and realize that marriages/weddings are changing with the times? I bet you are against gay marriages too right? Since traditionally, a marriage is between a man and a woman?

artbyallie

nadene&darren said:

6/26/15 will be OUR wedding day. Viczaesar, you missed the point. I used the words "renewing our vows" for all of the negative a**holes who resent others for having a second ceremony. FYI, grammar is the way words are used in conjunction with each other and punctuation properly. Grammar has nothing to do with the definitions of words. For future reference, it's proper grammar to write out "does not equal" instead of using "=/=".

ohannabelle, thank you for proving my point. Apparently you didn't look past the first definition of marriage in your dictionary. Check out Merriam-Webster which states the following: "a wedding anniversary or its celebration".  You're not invited, I don't even know you.... why do you even care what I do? 

So fortunate to have loving family and friends who can't wait to celebrate with us! People that understand there isn't just ONE definition for the word wedding. People that realize a wedding is something personal which can be celebrated in many different ways. People that have an open mind and realize that marriages/weddings are changing with the times? I bet you are against gay marriages too right? Since traditionally, a marriage is between a man and a woman?

This is especially fucking heartless of you to say since there are so many couples who would give anything to have that 'piece of paper' you don't give a shit about and they cannot get.

mrsmagicgeek

Sorry, Princess, your wedding day is the day you got married. Turn in your veil.

MobKaz

nadene&darren said:

I am offended by the "advice" given in the original post! My husband and I got married 6/26/14. I found an ordained minister online and she was able to meet us with only a days notice. My son and I needed insurance immediately. I got laid off and could not afford our own policy. This was the best option for our family. My boyfriend and I knew we wanted to get married next year but could NOT afford a wedding now, so we had a civil ceremony ONLY to make it legal for me to be covered by his insurance policy. I have a huge family and the guest list is around 250-300 people! Just because our civil ceremony was NOT meaningful to us does not mean we believe ALL civil ceremonies are meaningless. Yes, it was the day we LEGALLY got married, but to US, it's just a piece of paper! To my husband and I, a wedding is the day when you celebrate your love and commitment to each other in front of your family and friends. We will be renewing our vows on 6/26/15. I'll be wearing a beautiful wedding gown at our ceremony and will dance the night away at our fabulous reception!

Option.  You had OPTIONS.  You CHOSE to marry.  You are also choosing to spend money frivolously on a wedding for 250-300 people rather than spend it responsibly and pay for your own insurance. 

ohannabelle

You need ( not surprisingly ) to learn to use a dictionary. The usage example you're partially citing refers in full to the terms "wedding anniversary," "golden wedding" or "silver wedding," which mean what? An anniversary. 

The dictionary is telling you that the word wedding is/was used in referring to "wedding anniversaries," not that anniversaries are an actual wedding.

(The online Merriam Webster is not the best reference. It is sparse, lacks citations and full usage examples and dates, and is edited to the very simplest form.) 

It's not a usage regularly used anymore in the US but if you read books or diaries from the 1940s or earlier, you'll see it. Things like this: "We went out to dinner with friends for our fifth wedding....." 

Or still used in the UK, which you can read in Bridget Jones Diary, when her mother asks her if she's going to Una and Geoffery's "golden wedding." 

Or, most recently, heard from my sister in law, in reference to her daughter: "The way they're fighting, they won't make it to their first wedding. The bloody fecking numptys." Translation: They'll divorce before their first anniversary, the fucking idiots.

None of the previous involve an actual reproduction wedding. 

Why do I care? About you personally, I don't. About society in general, I care deeply. I care that we live in a society that finds deception and false behavior acceptable, and that the definition of a wedding is increasingly used to refer to all the things that don't really matter ( dresses and flowers and look at me extravaganzas.) So yes, I care that human beings are becoming increasingly shallow and self serving, and have no problems lying to and deceiving other human beings. Truth. Ethics. Those things I care about. 

Go ahead. Have fun playing make pretend bride.  It's a shame that the vows and ceremony you originally made meant so little to you that you feel unfulfilled without the fluff and frills, but it's no skin off my nose. Call it whatever you want. But the reality is, you aren't "getting married," and you aren't "a bride."  

(I'm planning a sweet sixteen party for myself. I really didn't like the way the first one turned out, and I want a big fancy one like the ones on TV, so I'm having another. After all, my birth certificate and driver's license are just pieces of paper.)