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Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)

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Re: Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)

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    delujm0delujm0 member
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    edited July 2014
    You are not narcissistic because you want to pledge your love in front of your family and friends. You are narcissistic for two reasons: first, you made the decision to get married without your friends and family already and you think you are owed a second wedding; and second, you think that local vendors would feel that it is a reasonable investment to print their name on the napkins at a reception that you want to have but can't even afford. You cannot possibly think you are that important. That "honor" is generally reserved for D-list and lower celebrities whose wedding pictures will be published in a national periodical or well known website, not every person off the street. Complete strangers do not care about the wedding that you think you deserve even though you are already married. It blows my mind that anyone would think that it would be completely reasonable for wedding sponsors to drop into their lives and pay for their wedding. FWIW, i was unemployed for 6 months years ago, and unemployment covered my COBRA expenses. Even if it didn't, H and i wouldn't have gotten secretly legally married to save some cash because it was important to us to ACTUALLY GET MARRIED in front of our friends and family. Your decision was completely understandable - but now it's time to own it and just have a vow renewal this year.
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    manateehuggermanateehugger member
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    AddieCake said:
    I really need to get on this sponsors and investors for my life's activities bandwagon. There's all kinds of stuff I want to have and do. I can't believe I've been trying to pay for my own stuff and activities all this time!
    Right?! I always thought I had to come up with a sob story to get sponsored. Who knew I just had to be super dramatic about everyday life struggles that thousands of other people have to get attention and handouts?
    image
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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
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    Ideas for sponsored cakes @nadeen&darren: 

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    bunnyprincess2014bunnyprincess2014 member
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    Cookie Pusher said:
    I wish I had thought of this for my wedding - then I wouldn't have needed to save so long for it!

    image
    What girl doesn't want the classy Smirnoff Ice logo adorning her wedding gown on her big special day!
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    syoun1njsyoun1nj member
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    Oh to be the company receiving this request for wedding sponsorship....
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    mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    MobKaz said:
    Jells2dot0 said:
    STBMrsEverhart said:
    artbyallie, I believe everyone should have the right to marry whomever they want and am 100% for gay marriage. I was trying to make a point....why should any random person have the right to tell anyone else how to celebrate their love and commitment to another and not give them the opportunity to get married how they want? Even though our WEDDING will not be the traditional wedding and may not be approved by the closed minded fools on this forum, in our hearts this will be the wedding day we remember most- celebrating with all of our loved ones. If the company my husband works for had coverage for domestic partnership we wouldn't have had the civil ceremony.

    MobKaz how could you make an assumption on what my options are when you know nothing about our situation? Yes, we could've gotten medicaid but is that the best decision to make? Let everyone's tax dollars pay for our health care rather than be added to my husbands policy? Or pay $300 a month for a policy offered through Obamacare which also has a $5,000 deductible, when I'm struggling to pay the bills that I already have? I am fully aware of what my options are....I've worked in the medical field for the past 10 years as a RN. For the record, we are not planning on spending money frivolously. Since we cannot afford a reception, we are looking into other options..... wedding investors- something I heard about once years ago. Didn't really want to bring that up because of all the negativity on this blog. I'm sure I just opened another can of worms. Not that I need to explain my personal life to anyone..... but thanks for your concern.

    ohannabelle OMG do I really have to explain this to you? It will be our first anniversary PER THE LAW. So it's not our golden anniversary...big deal. The wedding will be a celebration of our marriage and love. Our family and friends are the most important aspect of our "reproduction wedding" as you so nicely call it. We are entitled to our own opinions the same as you and for us it's not official until we pledge our love for each other in front of our loved ones rather than a perfect stranger. That's what matters to us most. It's not about the "fluff and frills" even though I choose to wear a gown....I'm sure I'm not the first person to renew their vows in a beautiful dress. We are not lying to anyone so I'm not quite sure why everyone is getting so bent out of shape or why anyone would care what the word wedding means to us. 


    Wait. Dufuq did I just read? OP, you're killing me. I'd go off all day defending your right to get married however you please. But wedding investors?!?!?! No. You are entitled to spend YOUR money how you choose. No one else's. Unless it's gifted. Patrons are limited to a few cultures and unless that's a legit thing in yours, start saving.
    YES!!!
    I would not get quite that excited yet, @Jells2dot0.  There is yet another subtlety between the lines.  Mrs.E says the OP can spend HER money anyway she wants, but draws the line when OP spends the money of others.  I would argue that Mrs.E is spending the money of her guests since the reality of this event is undisclosed. 

    I hope today is a good day for you.
    You could argue it until you're blue in the face, but the fact is, our guests are spending their money on a vacation. We are footing the bill for our wedding and reception, and all that that entails. There's a big ol' difference. 

    Although, now that I know about these investors I'm really wondering if we've done the right thing....... I'm sure I'd look ravishing with my dress adorned with company logo patches! Mr. E, too! He could don an awesome ball cap with a logo, and maybe one across his butt a la Juicy Couture several years backs. This, of course, is sarcasm. 
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    mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    flantastic said:
    STBMrsEverhart said:
    MobKaz said:

    I would not get quite that excited yet, @Jells2dot0.  There is yet another subtlety between the lines.  Mrs.E says the OP can spend HER money anyway she wants, but draws the line when OP spends the money of others.  I would argue that Mrs.E is spending the money of her guests since the reality of this event is undisclosed. 

    I hope today is a good day for you.
    You could argue it until you're blue in the face, but the fact is, our guests are spending their money on a vacation. We are footing the bill for our wedding and reception, and all that that entails. There's a big ol' difference. 

    Although, now that I know about these investors I'm really wondering if we've done the right thing....... I'm sure I'd look ravishing with my dress adorned with company logo patches! Mr. E, too! He could don an awesome ball cap with a logo, and maybe one across his butt a la Juicy Couture several years backs. This, of course, is sarcasm. 
    I have money that I set aside for vacations, and sometimes I choose to spend that money on wedding trips instead. I am willing to spend that money to have my vacation time taken up by various wedding events because it is important to me that I see the couple get actually married.

    Your guests could have gone on a vacation with this money and time off, one where they are in charge of their own agenda, but instead they are choosing to go see you get married. Except they're not seeing you get married, and so you've wasted the time and money where they could have gone on an actual vacation.
    To the first blue - I'm not mandating anyone's agenda. Other than a few hours one day where we will be buying everyone dinner and drinks, and providing cake and dancing, they are free to come and go as they please. I'm not the entertainment director.

    To the second - regardless of what we're doing it's still an actual vacation for those that decided they'd like to come. 

    This is absolutely what people who are going want to be doing with their weekend. How do I know? Simple math. We invited 48 people. Only 18 are coming. The rest said, nah, we'll just come to your AHR instead, thanks, we have other vacations we'd prefer to take. To which we said, cool, see you at the local thing. No one pussy-footed around what they thought of traveling. Reactions ranged from: "Don't threaten me with a good time" to "Oh, I hear Mexico is dangerous, I don't think I'll be going." We were never going to get upset if people wanted to spend their vacations elsewhere. So I'd say it's a pretty safe argument on my part to say that people are putting out money to vacation first, witness a wedding secondly, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
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    perdonamiperdonami member
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    edited July 2014
    STBMrsEverhart said:
    OP, the best any of us will ever do is what's right for our own families and situations. The only place I've ever heard this type of thing being a big deal is on this site, which in reality is a very small cross section of society. Just this past Saturday I had not one but two people tell me they were going to the JOP to get married in the next few weeks but they'd still be doing the big, planned wedding next year. One because her Mom is terminally ill and not expected to make it through the year, the other because he wants to make it official before his GF delivers their twins. Both people still want the dress, the cake and all that. All I could do is offer my heartfelt congratulations and realize whatever anyone wants to call it, it's all good. The times are changing and I think in this instance for the better. Of all the things people feel entitled about I think their own matrimony and how they spend their money is fair game. Congrats and good luck with your planning!
    Is that why you are lying to them?
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    Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
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    Just leaving this here...

    image
    ~*~*~*~*~

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    mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    perdonami said:


    STBMrsEverhart said:



    OP, the best any of us will ever do is what's right for our own families and situations    .

    The only place I've ever heard this type of thing being a big deal is on this site, which in reality is a very small cross section of society.

    Just this past Saturday I had not one but two people tell me they were going to the JOP to get married in the next few weeks but they'd still be doing the big, planned wedding next year. One because her Mom is terminally ill and not expected to make it through the year, the other because he wants to make it official before his GF delivers their twins. Both people still want the dress, the cake and all that. All I could do is offer my heartfelt congratulations and realize whatever anyone wants to call it, it's all good.

    The times are changing and I think in this instance for the better. Of all the things people feel entitled about I think their own matrimony and how they spend their money is fair game.

    Congrats and good luck with your planning!


    Is that why you are lying to them?


    I don't think I can come up with another way to say "we don't consider what we're doing lying." So I'll just have to leave it at that for what feels like the 100th time.

    To the bolded - yes, we did what was best for us, or, our family as it were. We have no regrets about that. Nor should we.

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    mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    flantastic said:


    STBMrsEverhart said:

    perdonami said:


    STBMrsEverhart said:



    OP, the best any of us will ever do is what's right for our own families and situations    .

    The only place I've ever heard this type of thing being a big deal is on this site, which in reality is a very small cross section of society.

    Just this past Saturday I had not one but two people tell me they were going to the JOP to get married in the next few weeks but they'd still be doing the big, planned wedding next year. One because her Mom is terminally ill and not expected to make it through the year, the other because he wants to make it official before his GF delivers their twins. Both people still want the dress, the cake and all that. All I could do is offer my heartfelt congratulations and realize whatever anyone wants to call it, it's all good.

    The times are changing and I think in this instance for the better. Of all the things people feel entitled about I think their own matrimony and how they spend their money is fair game.

    Congrats and good luck with your planning!


    Is that why you are lying to them?

    I don't think I can come up with another way to say "we don't consider what we're doing lying." So I'll just have to leave it at that for what feels like the 100th time.

    To the bolded - yes, we did what was best for us, or, our family as it were. We have no regrets about that. Nor should we.


    Except in the world of reality, you are lying, and just because you don't have regrets
    doesn't mean you shouldn't.

    Dealing in regrets is time wasted. Just remember also, it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do. But I'm pretty methodical in my thinking and planning and if I thought we were doing anything wrong, we most likely wouldn't have done it.

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    mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    grumbledore said:

    This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends...

    What exactly did you think was going to happen when you created this ridiculous, unnecessary sticky?

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    STBMrsEverhart said:
    This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends... What exactly did you think was going to happen when you created this ridiculous, unnecessary sticky?
    The actual original post was not ridiculous nor unnecessary, but all the banter back and forth for the past 45 (or is it 46) pages is ridiculous and unnecessary.

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    STBMrsEverhart said:
    This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends... What exactly did you think was going to happen when you created this ridiculous, unnecessary sticky?
    Except it is completely necessary.
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    mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    crabbylucy said:


    STBMrsEverhart said:

    grumbledore said:

    This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends...

    What exactly did you think was going to happen when you created this ridiculous, unnecessary sticky?


    Except it is completely necessary.


    Then I guess we have two vastly different ideas about what is and is not necessary.

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    MobKazMobKaz member
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    STBMrsEverhart said:
    STBMrsEverhart said:
    This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends... What exactly did you think was going to happen when you created this ridiculous, unnecessary sticky?
    Except it is completely necessary.
    Then I guess we have two vastly different ideas about what is and is not necessary.
    ....and what is, and is not, honesty.
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    mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    MobKaz said:


    STBMrsEverhart said:

    crabbylucy said:


    STBMrsEverhart said:

    grumbledore said:

    This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends...

    What exactly did you think was going to happen when you created this ridiculous, unnecessary sticky?


    Except it is completely necessary.
    Then I guess we have two vastly different ideas about what is and is not necessary.


    ....and what is, and is not, honesty.


    I think it was Bill Clinton who was confused about the definition of is.

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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    I don't know why you guys keep engaging Mrs. E about this. She has made her position clear. She has made it clear she doesn't care what anyone thinks about her plans. What is the point of continuing to engage?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    I can understand that, Maggie. I just get frustrated seeing everyone repeating themselves with this particular brick wall.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    AddieCake said:

    I don't know why you guys keep engaging Mrs. E about this. She has made her position clear. She has made it clear she doesn't care what anyone thinks about her plans. What is the point of continuing to engage?


    Hallelujah! It's just as annoying for me, if not more!
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    LDay2014LDay2014 member
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    STBMrsEverhart said:
    STBMrsEverhart said:
    This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends... What exactly did you think was going to happen when you created this ridiculous, unnecessary sticky?
    Except it is completely necessary.
    Then I guess we have two vastly different ideas about what is and is not necessary.
    You know what's not necessary?  Lying.
    As you yourself said - they wouldn't care if they DID know you were already married, yet you insist on lying to them.  
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