Unpopular Opinions?

squirrly · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f430863b-09d0-40eb-ac0a-aa71ff5037d7Post:f37a5221-3afc-47d8-917e-7e8febbf8ff0">Re: Unpopular Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unpopular Opinions? : That's a great point. Except that it's not a requirement. It's just a reasoning some women use, or think about. What I'm saying is that if those things ARE important to you, it's good to think about. If they're aren't, it's not a problem. Are they to me? A little. Hence my UO. Edit: in the past there actually were legal limitations. When Lucy Stone went up to the Massachusetts courts in 1885 (I think) and said there was no law requiring she had to take her husband's last name they... passed a law. Also, I kept my last name, but it wasn't entirely for this issue, it's just something I've been thinking about lately. It was definitely for personal reasons. (Although the whole, "why should *I* change if he doesn't have to?" thing came into play.)
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Mery, it's important to me that women (and men) have those choices. Not important that they all make use of them. Thus the definition of CHOICE. That's where I think you and I are missing in the middle.

Unless you mean that by not making those choices that I feel are important to have available I'm not really supportive of said choices. In which case, please see my "remove me from FB" comment on page. . . 6?

NuggetBrain · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f430863b-09d0-40eb-ac0a-aa71ff5037d7Post:de991aaf-9b40-499c-b911-88b554bf400a">Re: Unpopular Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]I hate Bret Favre. Not because of anything football, but his name. I can't wrap my brain around how it can be pronounced "Farve" and spelt "Fav-re"
Posted by 1ofThoseDays[/QUOTE]

He can't be counted on to decide if he's going to play football the next year or not. I'm not surprised that his name can't decide if it should sound like it looks or not.

mica178 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f430863b-09d0-40eb-ac0a-aa71ff5037d7Post:838a43de-820d-4173-882a-f90d7a74fc8a">Re: Unpopular Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unpopular Opinions? : . I think it will be interesting to see how the women's lib thing plays out in 20-30 years. 20 years ago, MORE women kept their last names. But like I said earlier, today it's like everyone is just over that.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>I think everything is doomed but not because of last names. I just can't see a rosy future where there are people who are famous for being famous, where high school students write essays in text-talk, and where we've sold our debt (and therefore are beholden) to China (great story in building an economy, but crappy crappy human rights example for the world).</div>

NuggetBrain · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f430863b-09d0-40eb-ac0a-aa71ff5037d7Post:50167169-87c8-4a4d-8eda-c1a4a75e1ed8">Re: Unpopular Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unpopular Opinions? : Neither do I and I give a major eyeroll at anyone who does think that. <strong>I didn't take my husband's last name because I'm subservient to him</strong>. I took it because it will be easier for our someday-child and also because I like his last name better than my maiden name.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

Wait, wait, wait....so I DON'T have to rub his feet every night and refer to him as "My Lord and Master Noodle" because I'm his Mrs now? Seriously??? Damn, I missed<em> that</em> memo...

salt78 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f430863b-09d0-40eb-ac0a-aa71ff5037d7Post:bde75087-6d01-4a7e-8878-e9d7eaf72671">Re: Unpopular Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unpopular Opinions? : Wait, wait, wait....so I DON'T have to rub his feet every night and refer to him as <strong>"My Lord and Master Noodle"</strong> because I'm his Mrs now? Seriously??? Damn, I missed that memo...
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

<div>DED.</div>

wadingmoose · December 2010

I didn't change my name to my husband's.

I also don't care what people call me. For the most part, personally, people call me by his last name. I'm ok with that. At work? I have a coworker from Nigeria who tries ALL THE TIME to remember H's last name and call me that. I ignore him because he's a jerk, not because I care one way or the other what he calls me.

For me, my name is a non-issue. I don't make it who I am. I don't make it a platform that I need to stand on for myself or other women.

Although, that's a lie. I didn't want to change my name because I did when I got married the first time and I hated it SO much. I did feel like I'd lost me and it sucked. I changed it back as soon as I could after the divorce. I didn't see the point of changing it again.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f430863b-09d0-40eb-ac0a-aa71ff5037d7Post:afa7d0ec-1d22-4f44-906c-203aea1fe6e2">Re: Unpopular Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unpopular Opinions? : Mery, it's important to me that women (and men) have those choices. Not important that they all make use of them. Thus the definition of CHOICE. That's where I think you and I are missing in the middle. Unless you mean that by not making those choices that I feel are important to have available I'm not really supportive of said choices. In which case, please see my "remove me from FB" comment on page. . . 6?
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

No! I agree about the choices too. But I think it's also natural that one would feel protective and defensive of one's own choice, which is where I think you and I are going, too.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f430863b-09d0-40eb-ac0a-aa71ff5037d7Post:4980bc07-7652-4201-a5af-0968f3c4d453">Re: Unpopular Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unpopular Opinions? : I think everything is doomed but not because of last names. I just can't see a rosy future where there are people who are famous for being famous, where high school students write essays in text-talk, and where we've sold our debt (and therefore are beholden) to China (great story in building an economy, but crappy crappy human rights example for the world).
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

*thumbs up*

Moose, I'm going to start telling people I didn't change my last name because I'm lazy. Because, really, NOT standing in line at the DMV and SS office and NOT calling my bank/credit card/utility companies to notify them is the easiest thing I ever did.

mica178 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f430863b-09d0-40eb-ac0a-aa71ff5037d7Post:5489b3ea-5a5c-451c-b2e9-27fa536d468b">Re: Unpopular Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unpopular Opinions? : *thumbs up* Moose, I'm going to start telling people I didn't change my last name because I'm lazy. Because, really, NOT standing in line at the DMV and SS office and NOT calling my bank/credit card/utility companies to notify them is the easiest thing I ever did.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>You know, from a sheer laziness standpoint, there were definitely times when I regretted my decision to take H's last name. I'm still faxing different companies copies of the marriage certificate and my SS card. It's a pain, although it's a temporary pain (I hope).</div>

squirrly · December 2010

Mery, I'm not really defensive of the choices I made, just the right to make them. You didn't change your name. Cool. I did. Cool. I don't value one over the other. I just think peeps like tenofcups who don't respect me because I didn't make the same choice she did are fools and hypocrites. Not because we made different choices. But because she's disrespectful, close-minded, and doing more to hurt her own cause by her behaviors than to help it. And frankly, I don't want anything to do with people like that.

And I don't actually think that's unpopular at all.

Beachy730 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f430863b-09d0-40eb-ac0a-aa71ff5037d7Post:87c49123-abbc-474e-80d1-4f753b7cd19c">Re: Unpopular Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]Mery, I'm not really defensive of the choices I made, just the right to make them. You didn't change your name. Cool. I did. Cool. I don't value one over the other. I just think peeps like tenofcups who don't respect me because I didn't make the same choice she did are fools and hypocrites. Not because we made different choices. But because she's disrespectful, close-minded, and doing more to hurt her own cause by her behaviors than to help it. And frankly, I don't want anything to do with people like that. And I don't actually think that's unpopular at all. :D
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

This is exactly how I feel on all of it.

wadingmoose · December 2010

It was that obvious that it was sheer laziness?

Add indecisiveness to that and you've got a winner.

Birdie1483 · December 2010

I'm excited to take FI's last name because maybe for once people will actually spell my name right.

wadingmoose · December 2010

Also, funny story - about 2 minutes ago, my coworker walks by and once again tries to call me by my married name which he can't remember how to pronounce.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f430863b-09d0-40eb-ac0a-aa71ff5037d7Post:87c49123-abbc-474e-80d1-4f753b7cd19c">Re: Unpopular Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]Mery, I'm not really defensive of the choices I made, just the right to make them. You didn't change your name. Cool. I did. Cool. I don't value one over the other. I just think peeps like tenofcups who don't respect me because I didn't make the same choice she did are fools and hypocrites. Not because we made different choices. But because she's disrespectful, close-minded, and doing more to hurt her own cause by her behaviors than to help it. And frankly, I don't want anything to do with people like that. And I don't actually think that's unpopular at all. :D
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

Agreed! I respect you. I respect everyone's choices, too!

I've just been thinking about it because... well, I LIKE my choice and I wouldn't want people's perceptions of Ten being BSC to lump us all into being... BSC feminzis. Cause I'm not. I love choice! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

salt78 · December 2010

My mother and I had different last names also. I would have rather had hers.

Birdie1483 · December 2010

Mery, I think the difference is that you're accepting of other people's choices on the subject, where Ten didn't seem to be. She basically said she judged those who didn't think the same way she did.

Slightly related,
I grew up with a mom and aunt who were right in the thick of the feminist movement and I find myself struggling with decisions like to be a SAHM or not. I know they would question why I chose to stay home instead of working in a field that was previously dominated by men because women their age fought so hard to give me the right to do so.

However, I feel like the older I get, the more my opinion on the decision changes. I used to be like "No way, i'm going to work just like the men do! Women who stay at home are continuing the gender stereotypes!" Now that I'm closer to having children myself, I'm finding that there are a lot more reasons to stay home than because my grandmother did and that's just what "women do." I just don't want to be judged by the choices I make.

AlmostMrsStrong · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f430863b-09d0-40eb-ac0a-aa71ff5037d7Post:6e30ed79-5e4b-47aa-8678-247862bb8c59">Re: Unpopular Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unpopular Opinions? : I'm a born and raised Pats fan so I know I'm not supposed to like him but he comes off kinda lovable and nice.
Posted by L-Bride[/QUOTE]

I liked him for a long time, because I'm from New Orleans. However, he's been acting kind of like a punk lately, and so I'm very upset with him at the moment.

[QUOTE]I haven't liked Eli Manning since he was at Ole Miss and cried after he got his ass whooped by LSU. I don't like crying football players.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.

I'm for gay marriage.

I liked the first two Focker movies.

I have no intention to ever see the Godfather movies.

I'm taking FI's last name.

Brett is a traitor.

I'm indifferent to the Steelers, but I kind of love Troy Polomalu ( though I don't think that's an unpopular opinion).

I can't drink beer. I think it tastes like horse piss.

I also don't like red wine, even though everyone in my maternal family does.

I hate Applebee's. I used to love Chili's, but I've been severely disappointed the last couple of times I've been.

I hatehatehateHATE coffee.

I hate college football. I dunno if that's a UO on the boards, but I know it is where I'm from and amongst my friends.

I dislike the vast majority of Apple products, but I am a big fan of their clicky wheel.

[QUOTE]I find the Salvation Army bellringers to be completely obnoxious. I went grocery shopping at Wal-Mart yesterday and the bell ringer was caroling in addition to clanging that damn bell.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

I would prefer this to the effing kids around here who are sort of shaking the bell with one hand and texting with the other. Not even a Santa hat. Not okay.

I don't do organized religion, but I'm not offended if someone wishes me a Merry Christmas. Happy Hannukah. Or whatever.

I don't like Tim Tebow. I think he's overrated.

I hate Taylor Swift. I think she's overrated.

I have a hard time reading Katy's posts. Pretty sure this isn't an UO though.

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unpopular Opinions? : I think she was against America. I really don't know. ETA- When reading this, please imagine that I'm a man with a gruff voice and I actually somewhat shouted this, pronouncing "America" as "Merica!" because that's how it went in my head.
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

I have a girl crush on Mel. This is not an UO, just a statement of fact.

And I can't believe I read through all 11 pages of this thread.

(I also can't believe I wrote 'red' instead of 'read' and didn't correct it before hitting 'submit'.)

aplatanada · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f430863b-09d0-40eb-ac0a-aa71ff5037d7Post:13045a6b-33f8-4f29-a975-112203d3b8b9">Re: Unpopular Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unpopular Opinions? : If you're refering to Malcolm X, among others, I'm going to give this a big ol' eyeroll. It has nothing to do with being Muslim, thankyouverymuch. The X is in place of his birth name, which he decided to shed as many African Americans today have last names that were derived from their white masters under slavery - demonstrating ownership . And so it comes full circle. His Islamic name was actually El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz. The X has nothing to do with relgion, k thanks.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

^^This. Nation of Islam sooo not indicative of "American Muslims."

wadingmoose · December 2010

I don't find it offensive. Probably because he intends it to be and I just can't be bothered to care what he thinks for the most part. And honestly? Getting defensive and arguing with him over it does nothing. So I tell him how to pronounce it properly, make a joke about it and go on with my day.

I really do not care what people call me. I don't find it offensive that my family call me by my husband's name. I married him, I'm not opposed to his name. I'm partial to my name, but in the end it doesn't matter and placing that importance on it seems a waste of energy to me.

Then again, my boss frequently calls me by my last name (is also used as a first name) and I don't care about that either.

salt78 · December 2010

TheCranberry · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f430863b-09d0-40eb-ac0a-aa71ff5037d7Post:09c63dbb-a7b9-4ac7-b598-f09dd83d2dfc">Re: Unpopular Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't find it offensive. Probably because he intends it to be and I just can't be bothered to care what he thinks for the most part. And honestly? Getting defensive and arguing with him over it does nothing. So I tell him how to pronounce it properly, make a joke about it and go on with my day. I really do not care what people call me. I don't find it offensive that my family call me by my husband's name. I married him, I'm not opposed to his name. I'm partial to my name, but in the end it doesn't matter and placing that importance on it seems a waste of energy to me. Then again, my boss frequently calls me by my last name (is also used as a first name) and I don't care about that either.
Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

That's a good attitude to have. I think I would be so annoyed that someone was purposely being such an asshole.

I don't care if someone calls me Mrs. HisLastName in error or addresses something to me that way. I'll still answer to it. Some of my friends/family do it now, and they know I'm not changing my name. They're doing it for fun since we've been together so long. This type of thing that your coworker is doing is just so obnoxious. I'd probably suggest he start taking ginseng (or is it ginko biloba?) to help with his obviously failing memory.

tenofcups4me · December 2010

Wow. I guess my ears should have been burning all day today.

So let me see if I follow this right? Once a week or so, we can have pages and pages of "I judge" where people trot out everything big and small they judge other people about. But if you happen to judge something that clearly a majority of posters on this board do, you'll be labeled judgmental and people will talk about it for weeks. Ok, got it.

Rosie109 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f430863b-09d0-40eb-ac0a-aa71ff5037d7Post:8a6653c2-a67c-4260-a09d-0f30d8f3f458">Re: Unpopular Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

<div>As the owner of this UO thread I hereby deem this opinion... NOT UNPOPULAR!!!!</div>

Beachy730 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f430863b-09d0-40eb-ac0a-aa71ff5037d7Post:8cafc1f0-2030-4728-bfe0-7741cc7738ac">Re: Unpopular Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow. I guess my ears should have been burning all day today. So let me see if I follow this right? Once a week or so, we can have pages and pages of "I judge" where people trot out everything big and small they judge other people about. But if you happen to judge something that clearly a majority of posters on this board do, you'll be labeled judgmental and people will talk about it for weeks. Ok, got it.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

You can judge all you want. But you said you don't respect those of us who change our names. There's a difference.

Birdie1483 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f430863b-09d0-40eb-ac0a-aa71ff5037d7Post:8cafc1f0-2030-4728-bfe0-7741cc7738ac">Re: Unpopular Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow. I guess my ears should have been burning all day today. So let me see if I follow this right? Once a week or so, we can have pages and pages of "I judge" where people trot out everything big and small they judge other people about. <strong>But if you happen to judge something that clearly a majority of posters on this board do</strong>, you'll be labeled judgmental and people will talk about it for weeks. Ok, got it.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

The problem with this statement is clearly the majority of posters DON'T judge women for changing their name. They may not choose the same thing for themselves, but they don't judge those of us who are making a different choice.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f430863b-09d0-40eb-ac0a-aa71ff5037d7Post:09c63dbb-a7b9-4ac7-b598-f09dd83d2dfc">Re: Unpopular Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't find it offensive. Probably because he intends it to be and I just can't be bothered to care what he thinks for the most part. And honestly? Getting defensive and arguing with him over it does nothing. So I tell him how to pronounce it properly, make a joke about it and go on with my day. I really do not care what people call me. I don't find it offensive that my family call me by my husband's name. I married him, I'm not opposed to his name. I'm partial to my name, but in the end it doesn't matter and placing that importance on it seems a waste of energy to me. Then again, my boss frequently calls me by my last name (is also used as a first name) and I don't care about that either.
Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

Ten would disagree with you. I remember having this conversation once about how I wouldn't care if my kid's friend called me "Mrs. Husband'sname" and she didn't get why I wouldn't necessarily correct people or be put-off by that.

wadingmoose · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f430863b-09d0-40eb-ac0a-aa71ff5037d7Post:a33c00d2-0c30-4a7b-b8ab-7fc1968e3612">Re: Unpopular Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unpopular Opinions? : Ten would disagree with you. I remember having this conversation once about how I wouldn't care if my kid's friend called me "Mrs. Husband'sname" and she didn't get why I wouldn't necessarily correct people or be put-off by that.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Maybe I got my Dad's "I don't care what you call me, just don't call me late for dinner!" attitude.

squirrly · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinions-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f430863b-09d0-40eb-ac0a-aa71ff5037d7Post:8cafc1f0-2030-4728-bfe0-7741cc7738ac">Re: Unpopular Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow. I guess my ears should have been burning all day today. So let me see if I follow this right? Once a week or so, we can have pages and pages of "I judge" where people trot out everything big and small they judge other people about. But if you happen to judge something that clearly a majority of posters on this board do, you'll be labeled judgmental and people will talk about it for weeks. Ok, got it.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

I don't care if you don't AGREE with my decision. But not respecting me as a human, a woman, etc. because I changed my last name after getting married is foolish, hypocritical, and judgeworthy to me. You've been around long enough to know that when you do something inflamatory, and stand by it, it's going to stick with you.

You claim to be a feminist. But all you want to do is take AWAY the choices I've been given over time and force me into a new set of absolutes. You don't support choice at all. You just support YOUR choice. If that's not feminazi and obnoxious, I don't know what is.

wadingmoose · December 2010

Ash, your sig totally reminds me of my dog. He LOVES the snow so much it's insane.

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