telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding

Stackeye210 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:cdc11cdd-11fc-4d1d-9ac7-be3ec4ffe735">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Your whole crew sounds very mature. Will there be fist pumping at your reception?
Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]

HEY HEY NOW.........Once again, even classy people fist pump - I'll post again to prove it. (and to make this thread a little bit happier)

<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/3/12/837bfd8b-549b-4899-bcc4-4a5299779521.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '837bfd8b-549b-4899-bcc4-4a5299779521', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/3/12/837bfd8b-549b-4899-bcc4-4a5299779521.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

kikibaby · August 2010

I like being called a hag. It means 'wizened old woman', which I am. Thanks.

MattsPenguin · August 2010

Stacks - bringing your hubby into a thread (bonus pictures) always makes things better!

crfische · August 2010

Drooooool, Mr. Stacks.

georgia_bride09 · August 2010

Well, yeah, Mr. Stacks looks cool doing it because he's blaahck (pronounced like the beginning of "I Like Big Butts").

georgia_bride09 · August 2010

I'm only a hag for my GBF.

laladypoet · August 2010

I would just like to say that I would stick up for my friend too. I draw the line at yelling match though.
but I don't see why everyone's being so hard on the op?

laladypoet · August 2010

this whole thread deserves an "ackrite!"

ARod22 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:fead3adc-b0d0-4e2e-85f8-cf1d2497fcea">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]You can't not invite her. She's his wife, so they're considered a social unit. I know you don't like her, but take the high road and invite her. If the two of you really don't get along, she'll likely decline the invitation. Even if she's there, you'll probably be off on a cloud of newly-wedded bliss and not notice her.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

I would normally say this exact same thing, but given this woman's lack of restraint and apparently psychopathic behavior, I would say that the OP isn't necessarily wrong in uninviting the woman. It is completely inappropriate and abnormal to yell that kind of obscenity at another person in any public arena, let alone somebody's wedding. I can't blame OP for being nervous about what this person might do at HER wedding, given she's made known that she hates her and isn't afraid to show it. Her husband will no longer be a groomsman, which is sad and sucky, but that's just how it will have to be, I think.

It may not have been the best etiquette to uninvite her, but I probably would have done the same thing. You have to do what 's in your best interest.

Good luck OP.. that situation is really crap.

aral2003 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:5b4c471e-2ca0-4a00-975a-75d80520a8ad">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just like to say that I would stick up for my friend too. I draw the line at yelling match though. but I don't see why everyone's being so hard on the op?
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]

Thank you!!!! Great question!!!

wadingmoose · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:5b4c471e-2ca0-4a00-975a-75d80520a8ad">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just like to say that I would stick up for my friend too. I draw the line at yelling match though. but I don't see why everyone's being so hard on the op?
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]

Sowwy. I was caught up in the moment.

aral2003 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:a60df846-5161-4ff9-85da-ccb29f3c1cfe">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding : I would normally say this exact same thing, but given this woman's lack of restraint and apparently psychopathic behavior, I would say that the OP isn't necessarily wrong in uninviting the woman. It is completely inappropriate and abnormal to yell that kind of obscenity at another person in any public arena, let alone somebody's wedding. I can't blame OP for being nervous about what this person might do at HER wedding, given she's made known that she hates her and isn't afraid to show it. Her husband will no longer be a groomsman, which is sad and sucky, but that's just how it will have to be, I think. It may not have been the best etiquette to uninvite her, but I probably would have done the same thing. You have to do what 's in your best interest. Good luck OP.. that situation is really crap.
Posted by ARod22[/QUOTE]

THANK YOU!!!! My thoughts exactly. If she would act like that at her friend's wedding, just think of what she would do at mine. Even after she yelled that at me I did the classy, mature thing and walked away~!!!!!!

smokeybailey · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:08dd300d-7dc9-4d70-83bc-752cc880d5bf">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding : THANK YOU!!!! My thoughts exactly. If she would act like that at her friend's wedding, just think of what she would do at mine. Even after she yelled that at me I did the classy, mature thing and walked away~!!!!!!
Posted by aral2003[/QUOTE]

Methinks your overuse of exclamation points belies your own level of maturity.

laladypoet · August 2010

don't worry, aral. there's some knee-jerk reactions around here, and usually when someone asks a question like this they're just being bitchy. in your case, I understand why you wouldn't want to invite her. but of course, her H won't be there, he's always going to side with his wife.

wadingmoose · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:08dd300d-7dc9-4d70-83bc-752cc880d5bf">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding : THANK YOU!!!! My thoughts exactly. If she would act like that at her friend's wedding, just think of what she would do at mine. Even after she yelled that at me I did the classy, mature thing and walked away~!!!!!!
Posted by aral2003[/QUOTE]

Toot toot.

aral2003 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:41a5a3d4-9b27-4de9-9d08-1dbbe0a2c287">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding : Methinks your overuse of exclamation points belies your own level of maturity.
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

since when is using a couple exclamation points a sign of immaturity??? whoops... does using three question marks do that same?

aral2003 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:e0ada563-88b4-4bcb-9014-bafc4a1c0e10">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]don't worry, aral. there's some knee-jerk reactions around here, and usually when someone asks a question like this they're just being bitchy. in your case, I understand why you wouldn't want to invite her. but of course, her H won't be there, he's always going to side with his wife.
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]

we assumed that he would definitely step down from being in the WP. however, i know if i pulled that same stunt my fiance would be pretty pissed about my actions.

laladypoet · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:41a5a3d4-9b27-4de9-9d08-1dbbe0a2c287">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding : Methinks your overuse of exclamation points belies your own level of maturity.
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]
that and the yelling match. but hell. I bet there was alcohol involved.

sometimes I catch myself in a ridiculous high school-type social situation and I can't believe it's my life. I'm in a drama situation right now actually. so I guess I shouldn't throw stones.

NuggetBrain · August 2010

I wouldn't invite someone to the wedding who called me a c*nt. I would probably punch them in the face. But I also wouldn't be throwing around how my wedding was the superest classy and elegant place in NY EVAR, and how much per plate it was either. I know how to ackrite. I ACT LIKE A LADY.

laladypoet · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:3f0beba1-ad55-4654-9f69-84c6a31b508d">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding : we assumed that he would definitely step down from being in the WP. however, i know if i pulled that same stunt my fiance would be pretty pissed about my actions.
Posted by aral2003[/QUOTE]
how do you know he's not? no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

wadingmoose · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:3f0beba1-ad55-4654-9f69-84c6a31b508d">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding : we assumed that he would definitely step down from being in the WP. however, i know if i pulled that same stunt my fiance would be pretty pissed about my actions.
Posted by aral2003[/QUOTE]

My only point from the start has been that you're NOT acknowledging what you've done to create this situation. She ain't the only biitch in the woodpile.

laladypoet · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:647955c6-da0e-4841-9a60-3adc3c5967c4">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE] I ACT LIKE A LADY.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

me too.

::belch::

also, I kinda forgot about the op bragging about the her wedding being classy. it's kinda like people who brag about their sex life when they really have a shitty one? if you have a good thing, you don't have to prove it to anyone.

emilyinchile · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:5b4c471e-2ca0-4a00-975a-75d80520a8ad">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just like to say that I would stick up for my friend too. I draw the line at yelling match though. but I don't see why everyone's being so hard on the op?
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]

I can only speak for myself, but the comments about how amaaaaaazingly elegant and class-tastic her wedding is going to be bugged me. A lot of the initial responses weren't that harsh, either along the lines of "well duh, he's her wife" or "story please, this doesn't just come out of nowhere" until OP said that this actually all started because she stuck her nose in someone else's business.

aral2003 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:40aa6b00-b88e-43d2-b859-406857c2447e">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding : how do you know he's not? no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]

well, when my fiance talked to him apparently this "woman" claimed to have never said that, even though my fiance and i both heard it. the former GM told my fiance "she said she never said anything and I have no reason not to believe her." hmmm.... weird he trusts her now because when my fiance and I first got together those two were living apart b/c he caught her having an affair!!!!

ARod22 · August 2010

Etiquette is not always black and white. Yes, it's true that it is horrible etiquette, 99.9% of the time, to uninvite someone who already knows that they are coming. but, extenuating and very, very awkward situations DO happen, and sometimes a person has to make a final judgment call. I'm not saying that this is polite, but sometimes it's the reasonable choice. The OP and her FI made that judgment call and I think it's irreversible at this point.. any attempt to reinvite this couple would only flare up this problem all over again.

I honestly cannot say that I wouldn't have done the same thing. Of course I would have felt bad about this woman's husband not coming.. but c'mon, what was she supposed to do?

aral2003 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:c9a1bd87-6312-4e31-9511-ad18ea609fed">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding : My only point from the start has been that you're NOT acknowledging what you've done to create this situation. She ain't the only biitch in the woodpile.
Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

ok can the circular conversation stop... i told everyone what started this. i didnt think what her sister said to my friend was appropriate and i told her this. that is it!

laladypoet · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:a52c1ba7-1657-49cb-b747-b39f624bc486">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding : well, when my fiance talked to him apparently this "woman" claimed to have never said that, even though my fiance and i both heard it. the former GM told my fiance "she said she never said anything and I have no reason not to believe her." hmmm.... weird he trusts her now because when my fiance and I first got together those two were living apart b/c he caught her having an affair!!!!
Posted by aral2003[/QUOTE]
shark = jumped.

emily, I only read the first couple pages, and there were enough eyebrow-raising responses for me to notice.

wadingmoose · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:a52c1ba7-1657-49cb-b747-b39f624bc486">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding : well, when my fiance talked to him apparently this "woman" claimed to have never said that, even though my fiance and i both heard it. the former GM told my fiance "she said she never said anything and I have no reason not to believe her." hmmm.... weird he trusts her now because when my fiance and I first got together those two were living apart b/c he caught her having an affair!!!!
Posted by aral2003[/QUOTE]

He's MARRIED to her.

MARRIED.

MARRIED.

Huh.

aral2003 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:14a46413-ca7c-460d-a793-455bfc99a94c">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding : me too. ::belch:: also, I kinda forgot about the op bragging about the her wedding being classy. it's kinda like people who brag about their sex life when they really have a shitty one? if you have a good thing, you don't have to prove it to anyone.
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]

i guess what i said was intepreted as bragging. my point was i am having a very classy wedding and i dont want somone throwing around trashiny words like the c-word. i am happy with my planned wedding, and to me that is all that matters.

NuggetBrain · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_telling-groomsman-his-wife-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3c4ed31-7b33-4350-b5f5-e31e428a9188Post:a52c1ba7-1657-49cb-b747-b39f624bc486">Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: telling a groomsman his wife is not invited to the wedding : well, when my fiance talked to him apparently this "woman" claimed to have never said that, even though my fiance and i both heard it. the former GM told my fiance "she said she never said anything and I have no reason not to believe her." <strong>hmmm.... weird he trusts her now because when my fiance and I first got together those two were living apart b/c he caught her having an affair!!!!</strong>
Posted by aral2003[/QUOTE]

See, there you go again. That is none of your business. If she f*cked the entire Yankees team, it's none of your business what is going on in their relationship. The fact that she had an affair has NO BEARING on the fact that you seem to like getting all up in other people's bidness.

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