FFIL is driving me crazy!!!!!

sarah0725 · August 2009

Sure I'm glad it ended, but I would have much preferred that it ended without the guy in question going off to bone another girl 5 seconds later. I'm guessing you've never been cheated on. Actually, in my case, this did happen, and it really upset me at the time, but now I am so glad that it did. Stupid illiterate hillbilly (my ex). If our breakup had happened any other way, I might have thought there was a hope of getting back together, but cauterizing the wound was good. My only regret in that whole situation is that when he told me, I started screaming and kicking the curb where he was sitting. I should have kicked him instead.

NuggetBrain · August 2009

Sure I'm glad it ended, but I would have much preferred that it ended without the guy in question going off to bone another girl 5 seconds later. I'm guessing you've never been cheated on. See, this is the attitude that I don't get. I don't need to be cheated on to empathize with someone who's been cheated on. What happened to you sucks, like I said. I don't blame you for thinking your ex is a jerk. He very well might have been. But your ex is not everybody's ex. Situations are different. Reasons are different. You can't just plug what happened to you into a situation and not take into account that their experiences might have been different than yours.And for the record, my dad cheated on my mom. He married the woman he cheated on her with. They've been married for almost 20 years. It tore my mom up. But my dad was actually f*cking the other woman, not just having drinks with a bunch of coworkers and working next to each other during the day. So there's that.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt · August 2009

Nuggs, you know I love you, but you're making a leap to say that because we see things from one side, we're projecting.I know how I felt in that situation. I don't know how the ex gf felt. The facts are these though: he did not respect his relationship with his gf at the time. At the very least, all human beings deserve some respect. FROM EVERYONE. I think the level of respect deserved is heightened when you're in a relationship with that person.He could break up with her and go bone the world for all I would have cared. But the reality is, he got himself into something before he ended it with his ex, and that action, at it's very core, is disrespectful.

atobias1 · August 2009

I'd not saying her experience will be like everyone else's. I think the point was that she should be aware that it's a possibility.before I respond gkb please don't feel like I am singling you out or picking a fight with you or anything. Not my inention. However, I think that everyone is aware of the fact that ya its possible our S/O may cheat. Its possible. Doesn't mean she should walk around in a constant state of worry that. omg it may happen again. It could happen to anyone. Worrying won't do anything. I think she like everyone else just needs to be aware of thier relationship. She doesn't need to worry about red flags until they are actually there.

wadingmoose · August 2009

I'm amused as all hell that some of the same people in here who thought it was great for a married woman to repeatedly text her male coworker while on vacation saw nothing wrong with this but are attacking piper for her story.Funny that.Could it be some people just like being biitchy for no reason?

salt78 · August 2009

[i]But your ex is not everybody's ex. Situations are different. Reasons are different.[/i] And I never said that he was going to go out and cheat on her either (the one post I made on the previous page was sarcastic). But I do think that it's unfair to assume that the other girl in this situation was totally hunky dory about the whole thing after it happened. What happened to her SUCKS. Regardless if she saw it coming. And then I'm sure she realized he was with this new girl like the next day and that might not have been very easy for her either.

NuggetBrain · August 2009

I'd not saying her experience will be like everyone else's. I think the point was that she should be aware that it's a possibility.Of course it's a possibility. There's a possibility anybody can cheat. All you need is 0.000001% and that's a possibility. There's a possiblity I could choke on a peanut while eating my lunch and die. That doesn't mean I'm going to make sure that everybody who eats peanuts is aware that they could choke on it and die, nor that I'm going to live my life in fear of peanuts. If you were aware of every possibility of everything that could go wrong at every time and worried about it, your head would explode.

PiperS · August 2009

the thing is that FI never cheated. some of you were cheated on previously and so was i, but that also doesn't mean that those guys will necessarily cheat on every woman they are ever with for the rest of their lives. my FI has never cheated on anyone. I have though, but it was in H.S.. I would never do that now.

tidetravel · August 2009

But my dad was actually f*cking the other woman, not just having drinks with a bunch of coworkers and working next to each other during the day. So there's that. See, but you're projecting too. Just in a different way. Everyone's opinions are based on their life experiences. Of course it doesn't mean that what happened to me will happen to someone else. In my case, though, I was the other woman in a situation almost exactly like OPs. I never said that her FI was a bad person; my ex wasn't, but going what I went through, and hearing how OP explained what she went through, I can almost guarantee that I know what "went down."

wadingmoose · August 2009

For the record, when I was married the first time, I had many very successful relationships with people I was attracted to. I didn't have affairs. I hung out and had friendships. It isn't that hard to get past the attraction and just be friends.Most of those friendships ended when I changed jobs and were long over by the time I divorced. You know, before you all start accusing me of being a cheater pants.

NuggetBrain · August 2009

Vogt, I'm not demeaning what happened to you. Getting cheated on sucks balls. Big, sweaty, fat donkey balls. But I think by making Piper out to be some homewrecker, or a bad person, or her FI some cheating jerkoff is doing a disservice when people don't really know anything about the situation.

SarahSmile23 · August 2009

it just seemed tacky that OP was bragging that her FI left his ex for her. i don't think it means he will cheat on her. it was just a weird thing to have as your "how we met" story. period.

gkb0910 · August 2009

Of course anyone's FI or DH could cheat. It just sounded to me like Piper thought it wasn't a possibility at all. Also, I totally agree with Vogt's last post.

bbyckes · August 2009

Team Nugget and Sarah here as well.

PiperS · August 2009

sarah-- i wasn't bragging. i made that profile in like ten minutes and i just put exactly how we met. i changed it now it really wasn't necessary to have in there. actually in kinda ruined this whole post and the original point of it!

wadingmoose · August 2009

They were friends before he ended the relationship. They didn't HAVE anything. WTF people.Never start dating a friend before? I have. prior to actually exploring the relationship we were...friends. It's not like we were having mad sex like bunnies then decided we should date.

NuggetBrain · August 2009

See, but you're projecting too. Just in a different way. Everyone's opinions are based on their life experiences. Of course it doesn't mean that what happened to me will happen to someone else. Yeah, but I'm also open to the possibility that I'm completely wrong about the situtation. I take my life experiences, what she's said and form an opinion. When someone says "there's nothing you can say to change my mind", you're not willing to accept situations that might be different than yours. If this dude's ex came on here and said that she had no idea their relationship was messed up, that he was boning five other girls and that she was completely and utterly devestated by the breakup I'd probably be more inclined to think he's a douchenozzle. But since she hasn't, all we can do is go off of what we're presented with, and if you refuse to think that Piper's telling the truth because the other girl must have been as devestated/upset/pissed off as you were when it happened to you, that's projecting a bit too much.Ripping into her for something that would have happened regardless of her involvement is crappy.

pumpkinpumpkin · August 2009

To the person who asked if she changed the story in her bio - yes, she did.

tidetravel · August 2009

Never start dating a friend before? I have. prior to actually exploring the relationship we were...friendsSure, but when I was just friends with someone, we were just friends. I wasn't "in love" with him prior to the end of his relationship, as OP admitted she was.

Calypso1977 · August 2009

If I just told you that, you'd think I was horrible, right? But the whole story involves the fact that I was 17 at the time, the fact that FI's friend was cheating on me (school girlfriend) and his other GF (home girlfriend) and every knew but the two of us, the fact that we lost touch for years and reconnected, etc. Oh, and the fact that this happened eight years ago, and FI and his best friend are still friends and we see them socially.even wtih teh whole story, i still think you are horrible for kissing a guy when you were dating someone else, regardless of whehter he was cheating on you.

PiperS · August 2009

Andress--- somehow i missed your post. how do you deal with FMIL?? it is driving me crazy. i am trying to understand and be compassionate, but its hard. its like FFIL thinks he is entitled to FI's money and that FI has a responsibility to dirve him around, buy his groceries, and take care of him. he borrows money with no intention of paying it back and he has never apologized or thanked me even though that money is half mine!

salt78 · August 2009

No one is ever going to "win" this. I think some of us just need to agree to disagree.

NuggetBrain · August 2009

even wtih teh whole story, i still think you are horrible for kissing a guy when you were dating someone else, regardless of whehter he was cheating on you. Of course you do, because you can't look beyond your own experiences. So if I'm 14 and I go kiss a guy when I'm dating someone else, I'm a horrible person? Really?

wadingmoose · August 2009

Why would you start dating someone you aren't attracted to?

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt · August 2009

Nugget, I didn't call her any of those things. Do I think she broke up the relationship? Nope, sounds like it was on it's way out anyway. I do think she contributed to the timing of it happening (she said so herself that he broke up with the gf that very night). I also think she consciously allowed her feelings to develop for someone who was in a relationship, which is wrong in my opinion. Wading, it's different when you have feelings and get over them. OP clearly didn't get over her feelings. I will again go back to the point that this situation is DISRESPECTFUL. OP disrespected her FI's relationship at the time by developing feelings for someone in a relationship and continuing to persue any kind of relationship with him while still having feelings (friendship included). FI disrespected his former girlfriend by developing feelings while still in a relationship. He also disrespected OP by putting her in a situation where she had to be "the other woman" and not completely removing himself from a current relationship before starting a new one. OP disrespected herself by getting involved with someone who would do this to a girlfriend. How a person reacts to being disrespect is a very individual thing. Like Sarah said, for her, it was better that way. I'm sure some people would be hurt, some angry, some would just move on. But that doesn't take away from the fact that the act itself is disrespectful. And that's my point. Not how anyone in this story actually FELT, but that the way they behaved was disrespectful on several levels.

wadingmoose · August 2009

even wtih teh whole story, i still think you are horrible for kissing a guy when you were dating someone else, regardless of whehter he was cheating on you.And Calypso never did anything stupid when she was 17.Imagine that.

NuggetBrain · August 2009

Why would you start dating someone you aren't attracted to?I have an ex-friend who used to only date rich dudes, regardless of her attraction to them. I kind of wanted to kick her in the vag.

julezlee · August 2009

Yes, Nugget. Obviously some little thing you did when you were still a kid makes you a horrible person.

julezlee · August 2009

Why would you start dating someone you aren't attracted to?When I started dating my FI I wasn't attracted to him. Now, I think he's the cutest thing ever.

NuggetBrain · August 2009

And that's my point. Not how anyone in this story actually FELT, but that the way they behaved was disrespectful on several levels.I didn't mean to imply that you were hinting at or saying those things about her. And I can't disagree that it was disrepectful. You definately have a point there.

FFIL is driving me crazy!!!!!

Re: FFIL is driving me crazy!!!!!

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