FFIL is driving me crazy!!!!!

salt78 · August 2009

My favorite part of this whole thread is still when Calypso said "ho". FWIW - I think your bio reads better now, Piper. It really struck a nerve when I read it earlier, although I'm sure you didn't mean to start any crap with it.

wadingmoose · August 2009

And Vogt, I think you and I view dating relationships differently. I see them as pretty open ended and not committed. A time for figuring out if you want the commitment with that person at which point it progresses to something more with both parties agreement.But it's definitely not a situation where I'd be upset if someone broke up with me because he found someone he was attracted to more. That's life.

missamory · August 2009

i think most people try to present themselves as a little too perfect and their relationship as the same. "oh fi leaves towels everywhere/ rant over"really that is what is going on in your relationship that you need to rant about?this is the internet i know, but people are supposedly talking about their "lives" and i think too many times they try to paint too pretty of a picture.life it is different for everybody and it is complicated.the op did nothing wrong, or did i miss something? did the poor ex gf torch herself? i am sure it is ok.op, good luck with supporting fi and ffil. i hope things get better.

wadingmoose · August 2009

missamory, I think the OP must've torched the ex-girlfriend the way people attacked.

PiperS · August 2009

now salt is being nice to me? is my initiation over? BTW i really did word that "how we met" section wrong at first. i am obviously not the best with creating a profile, but i thought you would all think i was fake if i didn't have one.

sarah0725 · August 2009

missamory, I think the OP must've torched the ex-girlfriend the way people attacked.You mean you missed that line in her bio? I think she had a whole section on DIY ex-torching, with pictures of the end result.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt · August 2009

Piper - they're all right. I am really sorry that this thread spun out of control like it did when your OP had NOTHING to do with this topic. Wading - we do have totally different ideas. The thing is, I don't call those things "relationships." What I call a relationship, I'd been in like 3 or 4 (more likely 3). One was my high school/college sweetheart, and the other two I've been engaged to. All three of those started off relatively quick, and we were in serious committed relationships. The rest of my dating was just that - a good time, without commitment. But I wouldn't call those guys my boyfriend either. Either way, it doesn't really matter because it doesn't concern me. So I'm sorry I got involved Piper. I don't judge you (honestly, I don't) - I just see things from a different point of view. I'm glad you're happy with your FI.

missamory · August 2009

i knew i missed something.there had to be some reason for a 4 page thread.besides that she met her fi when he was in a relationship.

salt78 · August 2009

[i]now salt is being nice to me? is my initiation over? BTW i really did word that "how we met" section wrong at first. i am obviously not the best with creating a profile, but i thought you would all think i was fake if i didn't have one.[/i] Pfft whatever. I can still continue to be mean if you really want me to. :-) It made more sense after you explained it. I still don't 100% agree with the other side, but it's not worth arguing over. And we think people that have profiles are fake sometimes too.

pumpkinpumpkin · August 2009

but i thought you would all think i was fake if i didn't have oneI have 2 comments: 1. lots of fakes have bios 2. I'm still not convinced that you're not an AE. The 4 different posts with how to post your bio kinda gave me that impression, and now this. It's going to take more to convince me that you're "real" that it will to convince me that you're an AE.

polichik · August 2009

This has gotten a wee bit ridiculous.By these standards, I'd also be a bad person. I met FI when I was dating somebody (we had been together for two days when I met FI). Unbelievable chemistry with FI, felt all those ridiculously cliche, life-altering feelings that you never think you'll actually feel. Did we do anything? No. Did I want to? Yes. I was visiting my friend out of state when I met FI, so we didn't really talk for six months. Btw, my boyfriend cheated on me within two weeks.During those six months, FI and I both traveled abroad to different countries. He was with his on-again, off-again girlfriend during that time. He read my blog when I was in India every day without telling me, and during this time thought about how I was the kind of girl he wanted to be with, not her. He broke up with her a few months before I came home and came to visit me when I got back. We've been together since.Basically, life consists of shades of grey. Things work out the way they do. I've found that judging people helps nobody whatsoever.

saschaduran · August 2009

I didn't read every post but I am with nugget and wading on this. Polichiks story above is a perfect example. In my life I always had either a boyfriend or someone I was casually dating. I had a LD ex that I was technically still dating when I met my husband. Although we both knew it was over...he dated other girls, I dated other guys, we had not had sex in almost a year. I couldn't end it with him though unless I was ending it for a guy I knew was going to be inmy life a long long time. When I met my husband I knew it was time to end it and devote myself to someone who was much better for me. I truly believe my ex was relieved because he knew it was over but didn't want to end it either.

saschaduran · August 2009

And piper, I understand. As for you situation, I would encourage your FI to start to set boundaries. He is being codependent by continuing to meet all of his needs. Everyone falls on hard times and needs help, but after 10 years they need to pull themselves together. Especially if he is health and ale to work. It is not helping him to grow by constantly taking care of him. Tough situation. I have had many family memberslike that and I was very resentful that they were not doing enough to help themselves. Because other people can only help so much if they are not willing to change.

[Deleted User] · August 2009

I agree with Sascha- sett boundaries and resort to tough love if you have to. FI and I have been working on this w/ his mom. It's so hard being in the position you are because you can't control others' actions but you can clearly see they are enabling her! That's my biggest frustration lately.

FFIL is driving me crazy!!!!!

Re: FFIL is driving me crazy!!!!!

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