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mommy2KittyKate · February 2010

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bablingbrooke · February 2010

Oh for Pete's sake, it's a 20 second walk! Get over it. They are not disrespecting your marriage, they are pairing up the BM and MOH like 99.9% of couples do. Sheesh.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-pairing-spouses-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:51113e32-cd57-44bb-9e89-24c7ad433463Post:318f2ffb-614d-4ca7-8027-dfdf6b3de4b2">NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi all, So, my brother-in-law is getting married. My husband and I are BOTH in the wedding party. My husband is the best man, I am a regular bridesmaid. Just found out that my BIL is planning on pairing my husband up with the MOH to walk down the isle. They are being sticklers about the best man/MOH pair up. I just don't freeking get it. We DID NOT pair up best man/MOH in our wedding because it just wasn't SPECIAL for us to do it that way, and instead had MY brother a groomsman, walked down with HIS sister the MOH. My husband and I are feeling like my BIL and his fiancee are DISRESPECTING OUR MARRIAGE by making us walk down the isle with COMPLETE STRANGERS instead of EACHOTHER. It's a WEDDING, you are celebrating MARRIAGE, why wouldn't you want to honor a HAPPILY MARRIED COUPLE by letting them walk down the isle together at your wedding if you have the chance to do so??? I feel like they have no respect for marriage whatsoever and they're being immature. We're not backing down on the issue. Yea, it is THEIR wedding, but just because it's YOUR wedding doesn't mean you can't make OTHER PEOPLE feel SPECIAL and IMPORTANT. We want to be there for them and stand up for them at their ceremony, but if their not going to celebrate OUR marriage then we don't see the point in celebrating theirs. Anyone else involved in a situation exactly like this is welcome to comment, whether you agree with me or not. Just looking for some opinions. Thanks!
Posted by mommy2KittyKate[/QUOTE]

banana468 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-pairing-spouses-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:51113e32-cd57-44bb-9e89-24c7ad433463Post:318f2ffb-614d-4ca7-8027-dfdf6b3de4b2">NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi all, So, my brother-in-law is getting married. My husband and I are BOTH in the wedding party. My husband is the best man, I am a regular bridesmaid. Just found out that my BIL is planning on pairing my husband up with the MOH to walk down the isle. They are being sticklers about the best man/MOH pair up. I just don't freeking get it. We DID NOT pair up best man/MOH in our wedding because it just wasn't SPECIAL for us to do it that way, and instead had MY brother a groomsman, walked down with HIS sister the MOH. My husband and I are feeling like my BIL and his fiancee are DISRESPECTING OUR MARRIAGE by making us walk down the isle with COMPLETE STRANGERS instead of EACHOTHER. It's a WEDDING, you are celebrating MARRIAGE, why wouldn't you want to honor a HAPPILY MARRIED COUPLE by letting them walk down the isle together at your wedding if you have the chance to do so??? I feel like they have no respect for marriage whatsoever and they're being immature. We're not backing down on the issue. Yea, it is THEIR wedding, but just because it's YOUR wedding doesn't mean you can't make OTHER PEOPLE feel SPECIAL and IMPORTANT. We want to be there for them and stand up for them at their ceremony, but if their not going to celebrate OUR marriage then we don't see the point in celebrating theirs. Anyone else involved in a situation exactly like this is welcome to comment, whether you agree with me or not. Just looking for some opinions. Thanks!
Posted by mommy2KittyKate[/QUOTE]

I was in this EXACT. same situation five months ago at BIL and SIL's wedding. DH was a co-BM and I was a BM. I wasn't paired with him as we walked down the aisle or into the reception.

But you know what? It just wasn't a big deal. I walked in with a friend of the groom and I walked out with him as well. It was just easier that way.

As long as they're not asking you to do more than walk with him, I really don't see why you're making a big deal out of this. Walking with another person is not insulting your marriage. It's just walking with another person. If they asked you to kiss the guy I'd understand why you might be upset but I think you really need to be the bigger person here and let this go.

FWIW, I also don't think making a big stink is going to cause ANYTHING to go well. This is your husband's brother I assume and if you yourself start to get in this argument, it can create quite a lot of hostility within the family beyond the wedding date.

Please move on and let this go.

saxy414 · February 2010

I would definitely relax. If there were other married members of the WP whose husband/wife was not a part of the party, would you expect the bride and groom to let them walk with their spouse who was not in the wedding? It's a short walk, and as long as you are able to sit with/spend time with your husband at the reception, I see no reason to create drama. Edit: actually, I see no reason to CREATE drama. But I don't see a reason to be upset at all if you're able to be with your husband at the reception.

mommy2KittyKate · February 2010

Why is their more importance put behind a BM/MOH pair up than a married couple who are both in the wedding party?????????? I don't get it!

bablingbrooke · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-pairing-spouses-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:51113e32-cd57-44bb-9e89-24c7ad433463Post:5bb1bbce-9af4-44be-9ec3-e8a318e6f38f">Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Why is their more importance put behind a BM/MOH pair up than a married couple who are both in the wedding party?????????? I don't get it!
Posted by mommy2KittyKate[/QUOTE]

<div>Maybe because this is not about your marriage but theirs?</div>

gottahavashorti · February 2010

You're way overreacting. Your BIL and his FI are probably under the impression that you and yours husband are mature enough to quietly walk down the aisle with a groomsman and the MOH, respectively, and thought that they'd honor you by asking you to be a bridesmaid.

If the separation applied to seating, that would be an issue. Would it have been a huge issue if only your husband was in the WP, or would it have been okay with you then that he was walking with the MOH?

banana468 · February 2010

mommy2kittykate, it's about logistics AND what the couple wants.

The ceremony is really where the couple get to decide how things will be. As a wedding party member, that's the one time that you are doing things FOR them and that they get to call the shots.

Maybe it's just as easy to walk with your husband.

But isn't it also just as easy to pick and choose your battles?

You really seem fired up about this but I really don't see why this is worth any fuss at all. Remember, if you do make the fuss, the eyes will be on how YOU created the argument. Do you really want to be that way and do that to your husband and his family over what's going to amount to maybe 60 seconds?? Is it really worth it? Really?

gottahavashorti · February 2010

[QUOTE]Why is their more importance put behind a BM/MOH pair up than a married couple who are both in the wedding party?????????? I don't get it!
Posted by mommy2KittyKate[/QUOTE]
For one, the logistics of it are easier, especially if some WP members miss the rehearsal.

mommy2KittyKate · February 2010

Maybe because this is not about your marriage but theirs?
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

That wasn't my question, my question was whats the importance of pairing up two COMPLETE STRANGERS who have NEVER MET instead of pairing his brother with his own WIFE. If I wasn't in the wedding party I wouldn't care, but I AM. Just because it's their wedding doesn't mean everyone should go along with every single thing they say. I really hate when people act that way. Yea, it is your wedding, but you don't need to step on your family members toes during the process of it!!!!

JHS16 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-pairing-spouses-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:51113e32-cd57-44bb-9e89-24c7ad433463Post:5bb1bbce-9af4-44be-9ec3-e8a318e6f38f">Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Why is their more importance put behind a BM/MOH pair up than a married couple who are both in the wedding party?????????? I don't get it!
Posted by mommy2KittyKate[/QUOTE]
<div>If this upsets you so much, the best thing to do would probably be to decline to be in their wedding party at all. You don't HAVE to be in it. If you won't be able to sleep because of the escort situation, just tell them you would rather attend their wedding as a guest, and then you may sit with whomever you wish. </div>

mbcdefg · February 2010

Calm down ... have some dip.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

Well, you're turning something completely innocuous into a big deal. If you say anything, you will create drama and look nuts to everyone else. Frankly you're coming across as a bit nuts right now. Be mad for a day if you really want to then suck it up.

saxy414 · February 2010

Look at it as an opportunity to get to know someone new, especially if they're family in some way. Maybe it's not the ideal situation for you, but when you get up to the altar, you won't be standing next to the BM anyway, you'll be on the side with the bridesmaids, and I would think that standing/sitting through the ceremony would be much longer than the walk up the aisle, and is that a problem in your opinion?

banana468 · February 2010

I completely agree that being in a WP does not mean going along with everything the bride and groom want.

This is walking.

For SECONDS.

This isn't worth a fight at all.

I also don't know how you can argue that you wouldn't find it an insult to your marriage if you weren't in the WP. Then your DH would be walking with a random stranger still. How is it different that you're in the WP? The same pairing rules apply.

Yes, it's nicer to the couple if you walk together. Would I have preferred to walk with DH? Sure.

But it was certainly not up to me to start making a big stink. It wasn't my wedding.

Beyond that, this is your husband's brother. Unless your husband is so equally upset over this (why I'd have no idea) then you really should keep quiet over it. It can be VERY dicey when the daughter in law creates an argument. That has a tendency to not go well AT ALL. That's just a friendly lesson in in-law politics.

gottahavashorti · February 2010

The importance is the logistics. Wedding party logistics are pretty simple, unless you're playing connect the dots in order to pair couples within the WP.

This isn't a board that tends to say "it's your day, do what you want" but you're not being paired with an ex or someone you know and hate so it really isn't that big of a deal. If it is that big of a deal to you, decline the offer to be in the WP. Just don't start drama over it.

megk8oz · February 2010

I've never been to or heard of a wedding where there was a Best Man and a MOH, and the 2 were not paired up for walking up and down the aisle.

Well, except in the cases where the couple did a "weave" and nobody walked with anybody.

Look, unless they're asking you to dance with or sit next to these other people and banning you from even looking at each other the entire day, just get over it. It's a 20 second walk. Frankly, there's a lot of families where the ILs aren't in the WP at all, so you should be feeling honored that they wanted to include you ... although I seriously have to wonder if they only asked you to try and avoid you throwing some sort of hissy fit for being left out.

mommy2KittyKate · February 2010

In my whole life I've never seen anyone have married couples in their wedding party NOT walk down the isle together. Like I said, if one of us weren't in the WP there wouldn't be an issue. On my side of the family it is seen as something you just plain don't do. Period. And to bablingbrooke, you can go babble somewhere else. I didn't ask for name calling, I asked for opinions. You already gave yours so get off my thread. You're the nut.

gottahavashorti · February 2010

Apparently in your FI and his FSIL's families, its not something that you just don't do. It will be okay. Promise.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

I didn't call you names. I gave you my opinion (the one, incidentally, that is shared by everyone else). I said it would be nuts to say this to them, and that you aren't coming across as terribly reasonable right now. Sorry if you took that as an insult.

Let's say for the sake of argument that it was bad form to not pair up a married couple. It would be equally bad form to point it out to them.

But just because your wedding did things one way does not mean you are entitled to expect other people to do it the same way.

banana468 · February 2010

Mommy2kittykate, this isn't actually "your" thread. You posted on a community message board so anyone can post. You can't tell people not to post on it even if you don't like the advice stated. Just ignore it if you don't like it.

But do remember that name calling isn't OK. Babblingbrooke said that in this thread, you're coming across as a bit nuts and then you called her a nut. Call a truce.

Perhaps this isn't done in your family - but you still never answered my question. How would your DH walking with a stranger for the wedding be OK only if you weren't in it? I really don't get that at all.

You seem really angry right now so my other advice is to takek time away from this. Don't think about it for a week or two at all and just let it settle.

But think about this too: If a group of random strangers are all telling you that this isn't worth being upset over, it's rather standard, and it's a bit silly to make this into a federal case, why do you think there's no merit to that advice?

I think in this case, listening to the advice will make for a smoother wedding AND for smoother relations with your in-laws.

mommy2KittyKate · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-pairing-spouses-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:51113e32-cd57-44bb-9e89-24c7ad433463Post:098d1956-88c5-4df4-a749-592baac6b9c8">Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never been to or heard of a wedding where there was a Best Man and a MOH, and the 2 were not paired up for walking up and down the aisle. Well, except in the cases where the couple did a "weave" and nobody walked with anybody. Look, unless they're asking you to dance with or sit next to these other people and banning you from even looking at each other the entire day, just get over it. It's a 20 second walk. Frankly, there's a lot of families where the ILs aren't in the WP at all, so you should be feeling honored that they wanted to include you ... although I seriously have to wonder if they only asked you to try and avoid you throwing some sort of hissy fit for being left out.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

Why would I throw a hissy fit if they hadn't asked me to be in the WP? I'm a grown adult woman with children and a life of my own, not an immature teenager. I could care less either way if I'm in the WP or not, and actually my HUSBAND was the one who got fired up in the first place about the situation because there are two other married couples in the party who WILL be walking together, and they are disreguarding our feelings. Just because I'm the sister "IN LAW" doesn't mean I need to walk on eggshells and "be glad they even asked me to be a part of it". Just because you are the "IN LAW" doesn't make you any less important or your opinions any less important.

jeanna85 · February 2010

my friend did that at her wedding. her sister walked down the aisle with a complete stranger even though her husband was in the wedding party because of the same MOH/BM deal. what was weirder is that they werent paired off even in the pictures. honestly its not that big of a deal. its not your wedding so i would just go with the flow. no one is disrespecting your marriage.

banana468 · February 2010

Just because you're the in law does not mean that your opinions are less important.

However, because you're an in-law, this can be a tricky situation. Where do you fight it? With your DH's mother so she's forced to choose between two sons? To your BIL so he fights you and his brother? To your FIL? It's not smart - trust me. I'm an in-law myself but I know the way to play familiy politics.

You also never answered my questions.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

I'm starting to suspect there are larger problems w/ the ILs going on here and that's why OP is taking this so personally.

JHS16 · February 2010

Mommy, why don't you just decline to be in the wedding party? You obviously don't want to be a part of it, or their plan.

AmoroAgain · February 2010

Wow. Someone needs to relax. If you were that comfortable and happily married, you wouldn't be so upset that your H is walking with someone else for a few seconds.

Someone needs to get a life. Fast.

(Pssst. That's you, OP, in case you didn't notice.)

kat112 · February 2010

It sounds like you have some issues with your in-laws unrelated to this situation. You sound really really angry for something that really, in the grand scheme of things, isn't that big of a deal.

mommy2KittyKate · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-pairing-spouses-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:51113e32-cd57-44bb-9e89-24c7ad433463Post:e2353400-260e-42e0-86f3-7cb095e9f193">Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Just because you're the in law does not mean that your opinions are less important. However, because you're an in-law, this can be a tricky situation. Where do you fight it? With your DH's mother so she's forced to choose between two sons? To your BIL so he fights you and his brother? To your FIL? It's not smart - trust me. I'm an in-law myself but I know the way to play familiy politics. You also never answered my questions.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

<font color="#800080">To answer your question, it would not be an issue if I weren't in the WP because of just that- I wouldn't be in the wedding party. But I AM in the wedding party, and it IS possible for my husband and I to walk down together, so that's why it's an issue. Because we're BOTH in the WP and it's POSSIBLE for us to walk down together. Obviously if one of us weren't in the WP, which has happened before, then it's not POSSIBLE for us to walk together, so it's not a big deal. I am not some jealous teenager for God's sake, give me a break.</font>

JHS16 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-pairing-spouses-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:51113e32-cd57-44bb-9e89-24c7ad433463Post:995a93ab-c06d-4ee3-8a03-9759fa23189c">Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NOT pairing SPOUSES in WEDDING PARTY!!! DRAMA!! : To answer your question, it would not be an issue if I weren't in the WP because of just that- I wouldn't be in the wedding party. But I AM in the wedding party, and it IS possible for my husband and I to walk down together, so that's why it's an issue. Because we're BOTH in the WP and it's POSSIBLE for us to walk down together. Obviously if one of us weren't in the WP, which has happened before, then it's not POSSIBLE for us to walk together, so it's not a big deal. I am not some jealous teenager for God's sake, give me a break.
Posted by mommy2KittyKate[/QUOTE]

<div>SOLUTION: Get out of the wedding party already. </div>

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