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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Cristin343
member
Honeymoon Registry--Oh My!
My FH and I set up a traditional wedding registry at a store where people can purchase gifts for us if they wish (plates, towels, homegoods etc.).
However, a few of my girlfriends have registered for a Honeymoon Registry. I looked on honeyfund.com and had a lot of fun putting together ideas of things that we could do, along with the prices. It seemed like a really fun idea, people could buy you a sunset cruise or a dinner out at a nearby restaurant when you are away. It actually got me very excited about our Honeymoon!
After I put this website together, my mom took one look and was horrified to see what I had done. I asked my aunt (her sister) and they both recommended that we took it down, "It makes you sound poor!"
I did not realize this was considered such poor etiquette. Could this be this a generational thing? Or is it really just distasteful to have a link to this under our registries from our wedding website?
Of course I would never include something like this in our invitations... Currently I have removed the link from our wedding website as I do not want to wind up on Mrs. Manners' s*** list!
Signed,
Rude Girl
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Honeymoon Registry--Oh My!
If you would like help funding your honeymoon, then you can always say "Oh we didn't registry we are just saving for a honeymoon" people will get the hint. Or a small registry and saving for HM will do.
I'm glad it's not on your invite.
You're still asking for money. Registries in general are strange. Asking for a toaster is legit but roundabout asking for money is ok, but asking for honeymoon money is rude...
The same goes for ANY gifts, not just cash.
Furthermore, registries are guidelines as to what a couple would like to start out the new chapter in their lives together. These are things for their home. Vacations are not for the home.
OP, the guests won't actually be giving you the items you registered for on Honeyfund. You'll just be getting the money. There are some things you can't know exactly how much they'll cost, anyway.
As couples these days start out living together before marrying, more and more couples insist they don't NEED anything. That's fine. If you (general you) thinks you don't thing you need anything, then don't register for anything. Skip the bridal shower. Easy peasy.
If someone asks, you can tell them where you have a registry, but you're also saving for a fantastic honeymoon. Then your guest can choose for themselves if they want to get you a physical gift, or help fund the trip.
Honeyfund and other websites are also deceptive, in that they tell the guest they are purchasing something specific, but then all the couple gets is a check for the amount the guest sent minus a processing fee. So, they think they're giving you a $100 couples massage, but you get a check for $90. And, what happens if you don't get everything paid for? You're stuck coming up with the rest of the money for the trip yourself, or telling guests who contributed that they wasted their money. Not a good thing.
on the other hand, if my mother wasn't ok with it, i probably wouldnt do it. my mom likes the idea, but if your mom is hard-core against it, you should probably respect her opinion.
You say you're planning on doing this, so you don't even know for sure that it's going to pay off yet.
This. When I think honeymoon I typically picture a weeklong trip to somewhere tropical or touristy (though that's not what a honeymoon only is I know). This could easily be $3000 or more. Do you really expect to get even close to that?
Don't plan anything without cash in hand. That goes for anything in life, not just weddings and honeymoons.
After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!
I agree asking for money is a bit tasteless. I actually went to a wedding recently where they put that in the invitation. Some cleaver little poem that suggested money instead of a gift. But making a site for people to contribute to your honeymoon sounds good to me. Go head girl!
I came on TK last year asking which site was best, and got my head bitten off. I initially was annoyed because I am a pretty smart and rational person and didn't think I was wrong. But when 20 people are telling me the same thing I figured it was worth questioning whether I was right. I asked a few of my friends and familiy members, googled it a little, and I was horrified to realize that they were right. It *IS* entirely rude. It *IS* asking for money.
Over the past year, I have been invited to 4 weddings. 2 of them had a honeymoon registry and while some some guests didn't think anything of it, others were disgusted. The worst offender was one who had a shower without being registered for goods. I chose not to attend. What was I going to do, stick a picture of a spa treatment in the envelope for her to hold up? The event ended up being cancelled and changed to a girl's night with a few people because no one felt it was appropriate. People talked about both of these in the office, at tables at the wedding, in Facebook chats... No one's telling the couple because they are more polite.
We didn't register anywhere. We are not having a shower. We did as suggested and are telling people that "We really tried to think of things to register for but we really have all those things that we need. We've been saving for our honeymoon, flooring, a new heating system...etc... Can't really register for flooring!"
We have gotten resistance. My family is fine. My mom gives the line and people are like "oh, we'll just give her money then". FI's parents are divorced. His mother is okay, but she's pissed we didn't register because she thinks we are entitled to more gifts and wishes that we did a honeymoon registry because her family wouldn't find this tacky (this is true) and now she's going around telling people they should give us extra cash because we aren't having a shower to make sure we get all that we are "owed" (I am furious and have asked her NOT to).
FFIL is really upset that we didn't register for anything. He agrees a honeymoon registry is trashy but wanted us to go do a traditional registry. We tried, we ended up saying "There's just nothing we need and we're not going to register for the sake of registering. We should be ok, registries are typically for a shower which we aren't having"
The bottom line is that they are rude. I know your intention is not to be rude. These are well advertised and are passing for the "norm" because of that advertising. HoneyFund is going to tell you it's not rude because they want you to use their service. Some guests are going to welcome them, and some are going be offended. You're going to have some people talk about you in their homes, at work, at the tables...etc.... It's not okay to be rude to your guests even if some of them are okay with it.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.