Honeymoon Registry--Oh My!

Cristin343 · August 2013

My FH and I set up a traditional wedding registry at a store where people can purchase gifts for us if they wish (plates, towels, homegoods etc.).

However, a few of my girlfriends have registered for a Honeymoon Registry. I looked on honeyfund.com and had a lot of fun putting together ideas of things that we could do, along with the prices. It seemed like a really fun idea, people could buy you a sunset cruise or a dinner out at a nearby restaurant when you are away. It actually got me very excited about our Honeymoon!

After I put this website together, my mom took one look and was horrified to see what I had done. I asked my aunt (her sister) and they both recommended that we took it down, "It makes you sound poor!"

I did not realize this was considered such poor etiquette. Could this be this a generational thing? Or is it really just distasteful to have a link to this under our registries from our wedding website?

Of course I would never include something like this in our invitations... Currently I have removed the link from our wedding website as I do not want to wind up on Mrs. Manners' s*** list!

Signed,

Rude Girl

MayDay513 · August 2013

No, Honeymoon Registries are considered rude. I get your girlfriends did it, but that doesn't make it ok. The wedding industry likes to make as much money as possible and don't care if you are being rude.

If you would like help funding your honeymoon, then you can always say "Oh we didn't registry we are just saving for a honeymoon" people will get the hint. Or a small registry and saving for HM will do.

I'm glad it's not on your invite.

MayDay513 · August 2013

Cristin343 said:

My FH and I set up a traditional wedding registry at a store where people can purchase gifts for us if they wish (plates, towels, homegoods etc.).

However, a few of my girlfriends have registered for a Honeymoon Registry. I looked on honeyfund.com and had a lot of fun putting together ideas of things that we could do, along with the prices. It seemed like a really fun idea, people could buy you a sunset cruise or a dinner out at a nearby restaurant when you are away. It actually got me very excited about our Honeymoon!

After I put this website together, my mom took one look and was horrified to see what I had done. I asked my aunt (her sister) and they both recommended that we took it down, "It makes you sound poor!"

I did not realize this was considered such poor etiquette. Could this be this a generational thing? Or is it really just distasteful to have a link to this under our registries from our wedding website?

Of course I would never include something like this in our invitations... Currently I have removed the link from our wedding website as I do not want to wind up on Mrs. Manners' s*** list!

Signed,

Rude Girl

grumbledore · August 2013

It doesn't just make you look poor. It makes you look rude and tasteless. They are right, delete it asap. If you want cash, just don't register or register for very little and people will get the hint. Most people give cash these days anyway.

Dreamergirl8812 · August 2013

I understand why asking for money is rude, but it always confuses me when people say to tell your loved ones that you don't have a registry because you're saving up for whatever.

You're still asking for money. Registries in general are strange. Asking for a toaster is legit but roundabout asking for money is ok, but asking for honeymoon money is rude...

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

Yup - your mom and your aunt are correct. It's rude. Also places like honeyfund take a big cut of the guests' money (10%) as a service fee. It'd be better to just get the money directly and spend it on a sunset cruise.

MayDay513 · August 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

I understand why asking for money is rude, but it always confuses me when people say to tell your loved ones that you don't have a registry because you're saving up for whatever.

You're still asking for money. Registries in general are strange. Asking for a toaster is legit but roundabout asking for money is ok, but asking for honeymoon money is rude...

You only tell if you are asked. You don't run around spouting it to the whole fricking world. If you don't want to register then don't, people want to bring gifts, in theory it would be nice if they got you what you wanted. Like if you are having a shower, do you really want to waste time having to return 3 of the 4 george foreman grills you received because you didn't have a registry.

Pepper6 · August 2013

We had a very small one because some of our friends & family specifically requested it...no joke. It was weird because we used the honeyfund option where they just print out a coupon sort of thing that says what they want you to use the money for, but then write you a check anyways (that way they don't get any percentage of the money). I still have no idea why they wanted us to make one when they just wrote a check, but whatever...we only gave the website info to those who specifically asked for our HM registry, but I wouldn't have done one otherwise.

Simply Fated · August 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:
I understand why asking for money is rude, but it always confuses me when people say to tell your loved ones that you don't have a registry because you're saving up for whatever.

You're still asking for money. Registries in general are strange. Asking for a toaster is legit but roundabout asking for money is ok, but asking for honeymoon money is rude...

There is a difference between outright telling people you want cash... and waiting for them to ask you what you want.
The same goes for ANY gifts, not just cash.

Furthermore, registries are guidelines as to what a couple would like to start out the new chapter in their lives together. These are things for their home. Vacations are not for the home.

OP, the guests won't actually be giving you the items you registered for on Honeyfund. You'll just be getting the money. There are some things you can't know exactly how much they'll cost, anyway.

As couples these days start out living together before marrying, more and more couples insist they don't NEED anything. That's fine. If you (general you) thinks you don't thing you need anything, then don't register for anything. Skip the bridal shower. Easy peasy.

RebeccaB88 · August 2013

You should listen to your mom. It's not generational. It's just that some people don't understand when they're being rude, or when someone is being rude to them.

If someone asks, you can tell them where you have a registry, but you're also saving for a fantastic honeymoon. Then your guest can choose for themselves if they want to get you a physical gift, or help fund the trip.

Honeyfund and other websites are also deceptive, in that they tell the guest they are purchasing something specific, but then all the couple gets is a check for the amount the guest sent minus a processing fee. So, they think they're giving you a $100 couples massage, but you get a check for $90. And, what happens if you don't get everything paid for? You're stuck coming up with the rest of the money for the trip yourself, or telling guests who contributed that they wasted their money. Not a good thing.

cruffino · August 2013

we considered doing one but when we thought about the fact that there's a service charge and guests don't actually buy you the gifts they think they do (you only get the cash, not and actual boat cruise or whatever), we decided against it.

it's just tacky. but i don' think it makes you look poor. i don't even know what that means. so a person isn't poor when they register for household items but definitely poor to register for a honeymoon? nah.........

drummerbonbon · August 2013

Cristin343 said:

My FH and I set up a traditional wedding registry at a store where people can purchase gifts for us if they wish (plates, towels, homegoods etc.).

However, a few of my girlfriends have registered for a Honeymoon Registry. I looked on honeyfund.com and had a lot of fun putting together ideas of things that we could do, along with the prices. It seemed like a really fun idea, people could buy you a sunset cruise or a dinner out at a nearby restaurant when you are away. It actually got me very excited about our Honeymoon!

After I put this website together, my mom took one look and was horrified to see what I had done. I asked my aunt (her sister) and they both recommended that we took it down, "It makes you sound poor!"

I did not realize this was considered such poor etiquette. Could this be this a generational thing? Or is it really just distasteful to have a link to this under our registries from our wedding website?

Of course I would never include something like this in our invitations... Currently I have removed the link from our wedding website as I do not want to wind up on Mrs. Manners' s*** list!

Signed,

Rude Girl

You should be excited about your honeymoon for many different reasons than getting to "choose" the activities you want your friends to pay for.

Please listen to PP and don't do this.

drummerbonbon · August 2013

scribe95 said:

You do know that you aren't actually getting those activities that you picked out right?

This, too. I forgot this part.

KayyCarlos · August 2013

I think its fine. My fiance and I are planning on registering at a couple stores and then having a honeymoon registry. I don't know how we'd be able to go on a honeymoon otherwise. He's in school full time and I just finished. I heard people are doing honeymoon registries and thought it was a really great ideas for ppl who either dont need physical gifts or dont have the money for a honeymoon.

on the other hand, if my mother wasn't ok with it, i probably wouldnt do it. my mom likes the idea, but if your mom is hard-core against it, you should probably respect her opinion.

Simply Fated · August 2013

KayyCarlos said:

I think its fine. My fiance and I are planning on registering at a couple stores and then having a honeymoon registry. I don't know how we'd be able to go on a honeymoon otherwise. He's in school full time and I just finished. I heard people are doing honeymoon registries and thought it was a really great ideas for ppl who either dont need physical gifts or dont have the money for a honeymoon.

on the other hand, if my mother wasn't ok with it, i probably wouldnt do it. my mom likes the idea, but if your mom is hard-core against it, you should probably respect her opinion.

I have a good question. What if you register for a bunch of things and you don't manage to raise enough money for the honeymoon you planned? What is your back-up plan to get the rest of the money?

OliveOilsMom · August 2013

KayyCarlos said:

I think its fine. My fiance and I are planning on registering at a couple stores and then having a honeymoon registry. I don't know how we'd be able to go on a honeymoon otherwise. He's in school full time and I just finished. I heard people are doing honeymoon registries and thought it was a really great ideas for ppl who either dont need physical gifts or dont have the money for a honeymoon.

on the other hand, if my mother wasn't ok with it, i probably wouldnt do it. my mom likes the idea, but if your mom is hard-core against it, you should probably respect her opinion.

You do know that if you either do not register or create really small registries, your families will probably just gift you cash anyway. And the cash your families give you won't have a percentage taken out of it, like will happen with honeymoon registries. Your family and WP can also spread by word of mouth that you don't need much, but you are saving for a honeymoon or a downpayment on a house, etc.

JellyBean52513 · August 2013

KayyCarlos said: I think its fine. My fiance and I are planning on registering at a couple stores and then having a honeymoon registry. I don't know how we'd be able to go on a honeymoon otherwise.
You say you're planning on doing this, so you don't even know for sure that it's going to pay off yet.

Also, a honeymoon isn't necessary and it certainly doesn't have to be a week-long trip at an all-inclusive tropical location, or whatever other luxury you can't afford on your own but you're ok with pushing onto the people you invite. A honeymoon can be any length at any location... at any price-point. Check Groupon for travel deals and book your own honeymoon that you can afford, or wait until you two can save up enough money to take a vacation together.

T1990 · August 2013

We didn't do a honeymoon fund on any website but when people asked me what we wanted we told them we would like money to go toward the honeymoon adventures. But that is because we already have everything we NEED. We did register for stuff at some stores because you do have people that would rather give you gifts.

crunchymamaof2 · August 2013

Simply Fated said:

KayyCarlos said:

I think its fine. My fiance and I are planning on registering at a couple stores and then having a honeymoon registry. I don't know how we'd be able to go on a honeymoon otherwise. He's in school full time and I just finished. I heard people are doing honeymoon registries and thought it was a really great ideas for ppl who either dont need physical gifts or dont have the money for a honeymoon.

on the other hand, if my mother wasn't ok with it, i probably wouldnt do it. my mom likes the idea, but if your mom is hard-core against it, you should probably respect her opinion.

I have a good question. What if you register for a bunch of things and you don't manage to raise enough money for the honeymoon you planned? What is your back-up plan to get the rest of the money?

This. When I think honeymoon I typically picture a weeklong trip to somewhere tropical or touristy (though that's not what a honeymoon only is I know). This could easily be $3000 or more. Do you really expect to get even close to that?

Don't plan anything without cash in hand. That goes for anything in life, not just weddings and honeymoons.

Cindy9714 · August 2013

I think a honeymoon registry is fantastic! In fact we are going that route - on honeyfund. For us it only makes sense. We live on a boat (love the lifestyle) the only draw back is not having the space for all the BB&B gadgets and accessories. We don't need it and don't want it. But there will be those guest who insist on a gift. And for those people their gift can be towards our honeymoon. I don't see a thing wrong with the idea. Lots of people are getting into it. Now so many people live together before marriage or have lived on their own that they don't really need anything for the home.

I agree asking for money is a bit tasteless. I actually went to a wedding recently where they put that in the invitation. Some cleaver little poem that suggested money instead of a gift. But making a site for people to contribute to your honeymoon sounds good to me. Go head girl!

KeptInStitches · August 2013

@Cindy9714, you know that you won't get all the money your guests give, right? Honeyfund takes a cut. Maybe instead you could make a very small registry and put the word out that you're saving money to go on a honeymoon.

WinstonsGirl · August 2013

Cindy9714 said:

I think a honeymoon registry is fantastic! In fact we are going that route - on honeyfund. For us it only makes sense. We live on a boat (love the lifestyle) the only draw back is not having the space for all the BB&B gadgets and accessories. We don't need it and don't want it. But there will be those guest who insist on a gift. And for those people their gift can be towards our honeymoon. I don't see a thing wrong with the idea. Lots of people are getting into it. Now so many people live together before marriage or have lived on their own that they don't really need anything for the home. I agree asking for money is a bit tasteless. I actually went to a wedding recently where they put that in the invitation. Some cleaver little poem that suggested money instead of a gift. But making a site for people to contribute to your honeymoon sounds good to me. Go head girl!

My best friend also lives on a boat and doesn't have space for anything. They requested no gifts on their wedding website. I chose to give them cash instead. If they had a honeymoon registry, I would have given a card.

GypsyWife_ · August 2013

Liatris2010 said:
Don't do a honeymoon registry for several reasons:
1. They are asking for cash, which is rude, you should never ask people for money,
2.
They are deceptive. Guests think they are buying you a snorkeling trip,
but you get a check for the amount the snorkel trip costs.
3. They are a scam. You or your guests must may a service fee to do something you can do without a fee, which is write a check.

Don't do it. As a guest, I don't want to be directed to a website of vacation activities that I can't actually buy (waste of my time) and then told to just write a check instead. No thanks.

I love this! You convinced me! I was all for honey fund before I read this thread.

ashleyep · August 2013

Liatris2010 said:

Don't do a honeymoon registry for several reasons:
1. They are asking for cash, which is rude, you should never ask people for money,
2. They are deceptive. Guests think they are buying you a snorkeling trip, but you get a check for the amount the snorkel trip costs.
3. They are a scam. You or your guests must may a service fee to do something you can do without a fee, which is write a check.

Don't do it. As a guest, I don't want to be directed to a website of vacation activities that I can't actually buy (waste of my time) and then told to just write a check instead. No thanks.

Can we add another point to that and copy/paste all of this every time this comes up?

4. Traditional registries exist to tell guests what type of china/toaster/whatever you want, they are a convenience for them. Honeymoon registries are a convenience to no one but you, no one needs to be told cash is an acceptable gift.

vainemerald · August 2013

Unless you are related to a bunch of pretentious jerks I think the honeymoon registry is fine. No one in my circle for friends or family would consider this rude. My FH and I have been together for close to 6 years. The majority of our guests have been to our house and realize we don't need a bunch of material items. The idea of gift giving for a wedding is to buy the newly weds something they would enjoy. We will enjoy spending our first moments together as husband and wife on a honeymoon which is why we did a honeymoon registry. After spending 10K+ on a wedding/party to celebrate our nuptials I think this kind of registry would be perceived as something fun. Listed on our invite a link to our wedding website with all kinds of information on it, including the registry. This board is so full of holier than thou naysayers it's ridiculous. To each their own. If your family is poo-pooing the idea then don't do it. At the end of the day you have to do what you are comfortable with. As far as the negative comments go I wouldn't think too much of it.

KeptInStitches · August 2013

If the honeymoon registry is fine, then why isn't it fine to just not make a registry and put out the word that you're saving up for a honeymoon? If nothing else, it's good to know that your guests would be giving you exactly what they thought they were (e.g., Honeyfund takes a cut of the money).

Maggie0829 · August 2013

H and I were together 9 years before getting married and lived together for 2.5 of those years. Yeah we had all the stuff we needed but did we want to upgrade to better pots and pans and sheets and towels and all that fun stuff? You bet ya.

@ heathershaw4785 Also, since you probably did read the cons of having a HM registry let me ask you this. Would you rather have Aunt Mildred give you a check for $100 or "buy" a massage off your HM registry for a $100 and you then get cut a check minus the registry website fee for $92 and still have to book your own massage? That to me doesn't sound like fun because I will still have to book everything and I would be getting less money out of the deal.

vainemerald · August 2013

@Maggie0829 I would ultimately prefer Aunt Mildred to show up empty handed for a fun time. Sadly I know that won't be the case as a lot of my family is out of state and coming to southern California might as well be Europe. I thought the honeymoon registry was a good idea because then my Aunt knew where the money was going. Then we can provide a picture of us at the spa where the massage took place with our thank you note and it adds that personal touch. The fee that you are referring to is only for people who pay online and it is a convenience fee for that service. The website gets no money other than the fee I paid to set up the site as I wanted more than the free site that was offered. You are right it would be nice to upgrade some stuff and I know not everyone is cool with the honeymoon registry which is why we registered with Amazon too.

ashleyep · August 2013

scribe95 said:

If you don't register, most - not all - people will give you cash. With no service fees or charges taken out. That you can use on your honeymoon.

That's not necessarily true. In some regions giving cash is rude, it's like saying "here, I know you're hurting from cash."

That being said, those people aren't very likely to contribute to a honeymoon fund either since it's basically the same thing.

NYCBruin · August 2013

heathershaw4785 said:

Unless you are related to a bunch of pretentious jerks I think the honeymoon registry is fine. No one in my circle for friends or family would consider this rude. My FH and I have been together for close to 6 years. The majority of our guests have been to our house and realize we don't need a bunch of material items. The idea of gift giving for a wedding is to buy the newly weds something they would enjoy. We will enjoy spending our first moments together as husband and wife on a honeymoon which is why we did a honeymoon registry. After spending 10K+ on a wedding/party to celebrate our nuptials I think this kind of registry would be perceived as something fun. Listed on our invite a link to our wedding website with all kinds of information on it, including the registry. This board is so full of holier than thou naysayers it's ridiculous. To each their own. If your family is poo-pooing the idea then don't do it. At the end of the day you have to do what you are comfortable with. As far as the negative comments go I wouldn't think too much of it.

OMG how did you get your mind-reading powers?! Do you use them for anything cool or just to convince yourself that your ideas are awesome?

Fact is you have no way of knowing for sure whether your friends or family would be horrified by this. I find honeymoon registries revolting. I would never tell the couple that I thought they were tacky and rude if they had one, I would just buy them a physical gift that cost less than the cash gift I would have given otherwise. I'm not the only person who would do this.

And your friends and family might have said they think this is a great idea because they don't understand what it is. Last week I was having lunch with my FMIL and she brought up this "cool new thing where you can buy honeymoon experiences for the couple" and how excited she was about having recently purchased a nice beach dinner for a friend's daughter's wedding gift. I then explained what honeymoon registries actually are (just a cash collecting service not a travel-agency that actually books the activities for the couple) and she looked HORRIFIED for about thirty-seconds and then was PISSED.

If you don't want physical gifts, don't register. If people ask, say that you have everything you need but you're saving up money for X, Y or Z. They'll get the hint that you want cash without you doing the cash-grab of a honeymoon registry.

Oh and if people really want to buy you gifts to use on your honeymoon, they can do that without a honeymoon registry. My father's favorite wedding gift to give is the plane tickets for the couple's honeymoon. He's been doing this for more than 30 years. Without the "help" of a honeymoon registry.

MuppetOverlord · August 2013

Alright, here's my take. My mom suggested I do a honeyfund. Sounded like a good idea to me, we don't need ANYTHING for our house that we can register for. The only things we need are like flooring and power tools.

I came on TK last year asking which site was best, and got my head bitten off. I initially was annoyed because I am a pretty smart and rational person and didn't think I was wrong. But when 20 people are telling me the same thing I figured it was worth questioning whether I was right. I asked a few of my friends and familiy members, googled it a little, and I was horrified to realize that they were right. It *IS* entirely rude. It *IS* asking for money.

Over the past year, I have been invited to 4 weddings. 2 of them had a honeymoon registry and while some some guests didn't think anything of it, others were disgusted. The worst offender was one who had a shower without being registered for goods. I chose not to attend. What was I going to do, stick a picture of a spa treatment in the envelope for her to hold up? The event ended up being cancelled and changed to a girl's night with a few people because no one felt it was appropriate. People talked about both of these in the office, at tables at the wedding, in Facebook chats... No one's telling the couple because they are more polite.

We didn't register anywhere. We are not having a shower. We did as suggested and are telling people that "We really tried to think of things to register for but we really have all those things that we need. We've been saving for our honeymoon, flooring, a new heating system...etc... Can't really register for flooring!"

We have gotten resistance. My family is fine. My mom gives the line and people are like "oh, we'll just give her money then". FI's parents are divorced. His mother is okay, but she's pissed we didn't register because she thinks we are entitled to more gifts and wishes that we did a honeymoon registry because her family wouldn't find this tacky (this is true) and now she's going around telling people they should give us extra cash because we aren't having a shower to make sure we get all that we are "owed" (I am furious and have asked her NOT to).

FFIL is really upset that we didn't register for anything. He agrees a honeymoon registry is trashy but wanted us to go do a traditional registry. We tried, we ended up saying "There's just nothing we need and we're not going to register for the sake of registering. We should be ok, registries are typically for a shower which we aren't having"

The bottom line is that they are rude. I know your intention is not to be rude. These are well advertised and are passing for the "norm" because of that advertising. HoneyFund is going to tell you it's not rude because they want you to use their service. Some guests are going to welcome them, and some are going be offended. You're going to have some people talk about you in their homes, at work, at the tables...etc.... It's not okay to be rude to your guests even if some of them are okay with it.

Honeymoon Registry--Oh My!

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