Changing your last name?

photokitty · August 2013

I'm waiting to decide, since there isn't a deadline and once you change it you can't change it easily without a court order. I'm not sure I will change mine ever...

I get called "Mrs." and then they ask what my last name is...I say it's still the same. It's like this big thing with people - shockingly mostly women - that I might not change my last name. My one friend kept hounding me on FB, and never got the hint when I kept deleting her rude posts. I've had my name for what will be at least a third of what will be my lifespan and I'm not willing to give it up yet. Maybe when we have a kid I'll change it to make life easier, but for now I'm legally my maiden name and will use my husband's as my alias.

I just don't like that idea that who I was, at least in name, suddenly ceases to exist just because i got married. That and I love my last name :-)

RedJacks25 · August 2013

I'm fully changing mine. It's never at all been of interest to me to keep it the same. I actually feel honored to be able to take his name.

fre3doms · August 2013

I look forward to changing my last name. I feel it will be a unity to our relationship and I never thought to keep my maiden name.

I tease my fiance though because his Hispanic last name is hard to pronounce/spell. It goes along with my first name that so many people spell the male way. At least I have 28 years practice gently correcting people and their spelling skills.

+misslisa · August 2013

I married fairly young and it was easy taking my ex's last name. Going back to my maiden name as an adult with accounts, debts, and a whole life was miserable. This time around, it's hyphenation all the way! Not going through a full name change again, not even for a happy reason.

Beads921 · August 2013

After months of agonizing over this, I've decided I'm taking DH's name. It was a hard decision, and I'm still only 98% OK with it, but I know in my heart that it is what I want. We tossed around all the options - him taking my name, me hyphenating (he was really not OK with this), me taking his name, or no change at all. I always imagined I'd take my husband's name; I really think that part of being a family is sharing a name and our children will have DH's name, so that's what it came down to. Changing it so far has been a pain, but I know it'll be worth it in the end, as sad as I am to give up my maiden name entirely (the family line ends with my Dad since there are no sons after his generation).

KeptInStitches · August 2013

@Beads921, if it still bothers you and you're sad about your dad's name ending, could you drop your middle name, move you maiden name to your middle name, and take your DH's name?

doeydo · August 2013

Personally, I am not attached to my last name at all. In fact, I would like it changed anyways since I have it because it is my father's last name, of whom, by my choice, I have no relationship with. So I am going to change it to my FI's last name when we get married. But, if that wasn't the case, I don't know if I would change my name because it is very sexist in my opinion that the woman should change her last name as if she is being handed off from being her father's property to her husband's. But then the whole hyphenating thing is kind of odd for when you have kids too. What if you hyphenate your child's name and then they grow up and want to marry someone who also has a hyphenated name? Then that sort of eliminates the choice of them hyphenating their names/their kinds' names.

MissMolly · August 2013

I've hyphenated, which makes for a hella long surname (maiden is 11 letters; his is 9), but I'm really not traditional, and after 35 years of being with my family name, I couldn't imagine changing it completely. Thankfully, my husband is a-okay with this, as I felt pretty strongly about hyphenating.

emilygardensname · August 2013

I remember when I got married I changed my first name too. We both go new names. I especially like that my wife's name was unisex. We both had unisex names, and we both had last names too! It was a good time. It was just, just it was just awful. The good kind of awful. My hubby was such a son of a bus driver; he would always say "Let my people go" and I would be like "What are you talking about?". Lol you have to have fun in marriage. I would get calls and she would say "Is John ther?" and I'd say "Who?" and she would say "Is John there?" and I'd say "Who??" and he would say "Is John there?" and I would say "OOOH!2 Do you mean Johnathan?" I laughed so finely. You have to have fun around the household I'd always tell myself. Sometime, oh actualyl the other day, I could totally tell taht I was wearing tooo much jewelry. This was. Because I was wearing it. It was too much jewelry. It was loud too. Has that happened to anyone yet? It will, I'm sure you girls know that. IT WILL!!!

Hope this helps your decision. Gotta run gals. Love my girls.

rel1988 · August 2013

NerdyLucy · August 2013

doeydo said:

What if you hyphenate your child's name and then they grow up and want to marry someone who also has a hyphenated name? Then that sort of eliminates the choice of them hyphenating their names/their kinds' names.

There are certain European countries that do this and it works. A child has a hyphenated name, they grow up, they drop part of their hyphenated name (not sure which-- if dad's or mom's), add on their spouse's name to make a new hyphenated name, then their children get that name, and so on.

They don't just add name on name on name.

TotalGlamBride · August 2013

The royal family gets to choose their children's first, middle, & last names.

If my FI wanted me to change my last name, he wouldn't be my FI.

fre3doms · August 2013

Scandinavians used to give their children the father's name and 'son' or 'daughter' at the end. Like if the dad was Anders the boys would have the last name Anderson and the girls Andersdaughter. My mom is big into genealogy so I learned all sorts of things about family names.

My 4 times great grandfather was Abraham Abrahamson.

Some of the recent comments in this thread made me think of that.

davisse3 · August 2013

I don't feel like I need to change my last name but I am going to do it anyway... though I think I am one of the few people excited to go to a less common and harder to pronounce name. I have a really common first and last name. Even my middle name is commonly paired with my first name. In college, I used to get emails and facebook messages on a semi regular basis meant for other people at my school with the same name.

I'm pretty excited to be going to a less common name, even if it gets mispronounced more.

amakayeb · August 2013

As an elementary school teacher, the only thing that would have made me consider NOT taking my FI's last name was if it was one that could easily be made into a 'pun' or otherwise sound funny. Thankfully, it's not.

Beads921 · August 2013

@KeptinStitches I'm not really that sad about it. It's hard to explain I guess. I'm really excited about it for a bunch of reasons, but still sad at the same time for other reasons. I must admit, I've never understood the point of making your maiden name into a middle name. To me, middle names are kind of pointless. I think it's kind of a regional thing - I don't know anyone who's moved their maiden name to their middle name, but I see it on here all the time.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

i love my last name. absolutely love it. its easy, not common and everyone can spell it! my fiance's last name is harder to say and difficult to spell.

all this aside, i cannot see myself having a different last name then my future children and i don't think my fiance would be comfortable if he changed his last name, his family wouldn't approve either. so i'm just taking his last name. in the end i want to share a last name.

FiancB · August 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I'm changing mine. I just always assumed I would, because it's what my mother and grandmothers did. I'll drop my current middle name, move my maiden name to my middle name, and take FI's last name.

I'm doing the same thing, and then I'd like for our kids to also have my maiden name for their middle names. So it's kind of like hyphenating, but not as long. Luckily my last name makes a good middle name, and I don't really like my middle name anyway. I'll be going from Bonnie Amanda Lane to Bonnie Lane Filipkowski.

What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that's long and hard? A name. Zing! Yeah, not hyphenating that beast, but I don't want to totally lose my name either because it's dying with me.

kaesuze · August 2013

I have a child from a previous relationship (never married), and she and I share my maiden last name, so FI agreed to hyphenate both our names, so we all win. So we will be Mr. and Mrs. my surname-his surname. Future kids will have his surname. I think it's cool that he respected my wishes to keep that link to my (his future step-) daughter.

binzy · August 2013

I'm keeping my name. And all our kids will have my last name as their middle name, lest somebody get confused about who the kid's parents are.

Also, since this is the snarky bride forum, the changing names convention kind of annoys me. Nobody asks a man if he's taking his bride's last name. I am a grown woman with rights and bank accounts and my own identity, so why would I change my name from what is written on my degrees? Of course it all comes down to each woman's choice, but it harkens back to the whole women-as-chattel-being-handed-from-one-man-to-another, in my humble opinion.

Lucky for me, FH doesn't seem to mind my feminist rants...

3ringnecklace · August 2013

I plan on taking his last name. I have a difficult last name that very few people can pronounce and spell, so it'll make my life a LOT easier.

Dreamergirl8812 · August 2013

binzy said:

I'm keeping my name. And all our kids will have my last name as their middle name, lest somebody get confused about who the kid's parents are.

Also, since this is the snarky bride forum, the changing names convention kind of annoys me. Nobody asks a man if he's taking his bride's last name. I am a grown woman with rights and bank accounts and my own identity, so why would I change my name from what is written on my degrees? Of course it all comes down to each woman's choice, but it harkens back to the whole women-as-chattel-being-handed-from-one-man-to-another, in my humble opinion.

Lucky for me, FH doesn't seem to mind my feminist rants...

Unless your mom didn't take a man's name or you made up your own name, you are choosing between your father's name and your husband's (2 men). If you have your mom's maiden name, she probably has her dad's, so again you are choosing between 2 names that came from men.

Neither choice is feminist.

kaesuze · August 2013

I respectfully disagree, Dreamergirl. Being a feminist is about choosing for yourself and not doing what society expects of you based on your gender. I'm a stay at home mom and I consider myself a feminist. I made the choice to stay at home because I choose to, not because I feel it's what is expected of me. I have a 4 year degree and left a job that I really enjoyed because I wanted to spend time raising my daughter while I could, and my FI salary allows for that (and he is supportive too).

I think perhaps what Binzy was saying is that it was a feminist choice because she wasn't doing what was expected of her. You can't choose the name you are born with, and if everyone already knows your last name, maybe it's silly just to change it on principle. I think it's great that Binzy has a supportive FI.

To each her own.

JillAdamsIII · August 2013

I'm changing my name. It's too long to hyphenate!

[Deleted User] · August 2013

Keeping mine. Primarily because after 31 years of being me, I don't want to be anyone else. I also have a professional reputation and don't want to confuse my colleagues. No way would I hyphenate either. Our names are really similar (example: Johnson/Johnston). He was sad in the beginning but he loves me and respects my decision. And for everyone who is worried about the kids having a different last name than mom, I can assure you, in my experience I never had any problems. I am actually really proud of her. My awesome mom kept her name waaaayyy back in the 70's and it never really was an issue. That being said- it's all a matter of personal preference.

Dreamergirl8812 · September 2013

kaesuze said:

I respectfully disagree, Dreamergirl. Being a feminist is about choosing for yourself and not doing what society expects of you based on your gender. I'm a stay at home mom and I consider myself a feminist. I made the choice to stay at home because I choose to, not because I feel it's what is expected of me. I have a 4 year degree and left a job that I really enjoyed because I wanted to spend time raising my daughter while I could, and my FI salary allows for that (and he is supportive too).

I think perhaps what Binzy was saying is that it was a feminist choice because she wasn't doing what was expected of her. You can't choose the name you are born with, and if everyone already knows your last name, maybe it's silly just to change it on principle. I think it's great that Binzy has a supportive FI.

To each her own.

I agree with you 100%. I just meant that taking your FI's name doesn't mean you aren't a feminist.

Jscraze · September 2013

I'm not changing my last name... my fiance said he would never want to change his name so why should I?

And when I brought up how I would be a little sad to not have the same name as our kids he told me that if it matters that much to me since I'm the one carrying the kids for nine months and I'm the one that will most likely be putting my career on hold to care for them when they're little why shouldn't they have my last name too.

alanachloe28 · September 2013

I'm planning to keep my name legally and professionally, but am happy to adopt his name socially, especially when we have kids so we are all known by the same name. Does this make sense to anyone else?

wtlink · September 2013

I'm changing my last name. I'm mostly doing this for our future kids' sake. I don't want them to have a different last name than me or have a hyphenated last name. If I knew for sure that we wouldn't eventually try to have kids, I might keep my last name. I don't know that my one and only brother will get married or have kids, and it's sad to see my last name disappear, but what can you do?

Ashlyegan · September 2013

I'd always imagined that I would hyphenate my last name but now that I work in the medical field I see all the problems that come with doing so as far as medical records and such. I'm debating now making my maiden name my middle name and taking my fiancées last name only.

Changing your last name?

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