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Snarky Brides

Changing your last name?

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Re: Changing your last name?

  • Cathy1712 said:
    I was insistent that I have an identity of my own, not just someone's wife.   Originally I was Mary Jones (names not real)  When I got married I went by Mary Jones Smith.  This was espcially important because beople in the business world recognized the previous name.  Over time I shorten it as well as signing documents as Mary J Smith.   That way my family is always with me.   My older sister did the same.

    I had two friends who just used her maiden names at work for professional recognition and their husbands and children's last name  for social purposes.   Don't know what you have to do to do this legally or you just due it socially and it becomes known.

    BTW, we were having this type of conversation 30-40 years ago.  Times change -- but not that much.
    Times don't need to change that much.  It is great that people have so many choices: both partners keeping their name, one changing their name, hyphenating, or choosing an entirely new name.  The only thing I hope will change is that people stop judging others for their decision. 

    There's no way to legally have two different names.  If you want to use one professionally and one socially, one is your legal name and one is what people in the other circle call you.  Most of my friends that do this have their professional name as their legal name, and their friends and family just use their other name socially.
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  • My last name is really long and hard to spell.  My fiancé's last name is short but unique, and I love it, so I will be taking his last name.  If I didn't like his name/how it sounded with mine, I would have a much more difficult time making the decision to change it.
  • I'm probably just going to hyphenate my name, but if we have kids, they'll have his last name. 
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  • I just want to say that I dont think wanting to have the same name as your child(ren) is about your kids knowing who their mom is. I already have a 1.5 year old daughter and we (as of now) don't have the same last name. I will be adding my BFs name to the end of my full name (the two middle name route) after the wedding. Not having the same name as my daughter has been inconvenient many times, and she is still young! It's fairly humiliating to be asked if I'm her mother, or worse yet, if her dad is in the picture. People are rude. My point is this: it's not about your relationship with your children, it's about interacting with other people. I probably would have kept my name if we had gotten married before having our daughter, but because of my experience I will be taking his.
  • I'm considering moving my last name over beside my middle name and then taking his last name because I feel like my middle name flows better with my maiden name after it than with his.  I don't want a hyphen--my sister did that and it's a pain for legal and medical paperwork (we both had/have really long names before adding the husbands'.)  I don't know for sure yet.  The more I say it, the more comfortable I am with how my name sounds with just his name, and I grew up knowing my name was going to change, and I also don't feel attached to my family, so... I don't know.  I really like my own name though, but I want us to be a matching set at the same time, and I love his name. 
  • I'm really struggling with this a lot. Like a lot of other people, my name is my identity, it's who I've been my entire life. I don't want to hyphenate, because unleashing our double-barreled Eastern European last name on the world would be a bit much, and I don't think it would fit on anything (18 characters). I suggested to FI that we both blend our last names (instead of Smith-Johnson, we'd both be Smithson). He thought I was joking when I said it at first, but he has, at least, thought about it. I don't want to have a different last name than him, but I don't want to lose mine either.
    LisaT921southernbelle0915
  • my fiance really doesn;t care but i will be changing mone. i changed it during my first marriage but kept the ex's name after the divorce because of the children. i think it would be really wierd to use my ex's name after i remarry. i couldn;t imagine going back to a maiden name i haven;t used in 23 years or having 3 last names in 1 family so after feb 2014 we will be Mr and mrs A and my 3 sons will be so and so B. it will also make me feel more conncect to my husband. of course his ex kept his name because it was a long term marriage and they have kids but oh well......
  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I just want to say that I dont think wanting to have the same name as your child(ren) is about your kids knowing who their mom is. I already have a 1.5 year old daughter and we (as of now) don't have the same last name. I will be adding my BFs name to the end of my full name (the two middle name route) after the wedding. Not having the same name as my daughter has been inconvenient many times, and she is still young! It's fairly humiliating to be asked if I'm her mother, or worse yet, if her dad is in the picture. People are rude. My point is this: it's not about your relationship with your children, it's about interacting with other people. I probably would have kept my name if we had gotten married before having our daughter, but because of my experience I will be taking his.
    I'm sorry you've been treated that way! What an occasion for the Miss Manners Icy Stare of Death, huh?
  • Jscraze said:
    I'm not changing my last name... my fiance said he would never want to change his name so why should I?  

    And when I brought up how I would be a little sad to not have the same name as our kids he told me that if it matters that much to me since I'm the one carrying the kids for nine months and I'm the one that will most likely be putting my career on hold to care for them when they're little why shouldn't they have my last name too.
    Wow, he really sounds amazing =) My FI was a little thrown off the first time I mentioned (in passing) that I thought I might not want to change my name when I got married. (we weren't engaged yet at the time). But after a few discussions he understands that it's important to me that it to be my decision and that doing it for "the kid's sake" doesn't make sense because we aren't even sure we want kids. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. 
  • I am changing my last name. There are many personal reasons for me to just outright change my name outright and not keep any part of it.
  • I am doing this but am planning to make Maiden and New both last names. Just no hyphen, at least legally. That way I can still be alphabetized as Maiden, which will be especially helpful for people at work, but will also be adding the new name. And the more I read, you can basically use whatever you want except for legal stuff, so in my social life if ppl call me New not Maiden New, that is ok w me too!
    MoonlightSilver
  • My fiancé is also considering taking my name. When the conversation about last names came up, I told him I'd rather keep mine. I am used to it, I like it. He then commented about how he has no attachment to his, he'd actually really like his name to die with his biological father. He is just a little intimidated by the process. It's totally his decision, but we have agreed that, not matter what he decides, our children will have my name.

    Recently I realized that the family I nanny for did the same thing. Everyone has her last name, but he still gets mail with his unmarried name some times. This confirmed that other people have done it, and we're not crazy or alone.
    southernbelle0915meyerbournewedding
  • I'm glad I stumbled across this post because I had honestly not even considered keeping my name, but after reading these comments I'm wondering if I might! My maiden name is fairly uncommon (at least in this part of the country, I think we're the only ones in New England), and it fits nicely with my first/middle name. My FI's name is long, easily misspelled, and has a really unfortunate mispronunciation. We joke about merging our names into one and it actually sounds alright! I doubt he'd ever go for it, though. I'm sure I'll change my mind at least eight more times before the wedding, but I'm starting to think I might keep my name.
    southernbelle0915
  • mimiphinmimiphin member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2013

    I am changing my name to his, it was explained once to me that you are either choosing the name of the man you are going to marry or the name of the man your mother chose. I would much rather take the name of the man I chose! So I will be my current first and middle name with his last name.

    In my family the mothers maiden name can become the children’s middle name (didn't happen with me though) but I am more than happy to get rid of my maiden name- My dad and I have issues- but that's another story

    ETA:to change formating

    MrsLillyG
  • I've been kind of on the fence lately about whether or not to change my name. I really like my maiden name because, especially with my first and middle, it's really French and makes me feel kind of exotic. LOL. I also find the idea of sharing my MIL's name a little weird. Is that just me? I hear Mrs. So-in-So and think, "That's not me! That's FI/H's mother!" But at the same time the name change is something I always assumed I would do because it's tradition. Hell! I included future initials in my Knot username when I created my account!
  • I am keeping mine AND adding his.  No hyphen.  Legally, you can have two last names, so my name with be Teresa Smith Jones (not my real last names).  I'm also keeping my middle name, so I'll have a total of four names. 

    I really love my last name, so I wanted to keep it, but I also wanted my future kids to have the same name as their mom and dad.  I won't give the kids both last names, just the second one (his). 

    I'll let people call me whatever they want to call me.  Mrs. Smith or  Mrs. Jones or  Mrs. Smith Jones.  Whatever.

    My fiancé was WONDERFUL as I tried to figure out what my decision would be.  He was completely comfortable and supportive of whatever decision I wanted to make.

    Halli620melisansserif
  • I'm keeping mine. I was married for 41 1/2 years when my late husband died. That was 5 years ago. My FI and I discussed changing my name, and he had no problem with me keeping the name I have now. I have had the last name of my late husband for 45 yrs and have no desire to change it. I will use my FI last name in social situations.
  • debrog12debrog12 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited September 2013
    SMarie89, that's EXACTLY how I feel. I'll do the same. He doesn't know that yet, and he may not like it, but I feel like I'm losing my identity by changing it completely.
  • My fiance's last name is Smith, and he doesn't want to change it...

    Lord, help me!
  • Having lost my father at 16, I refuse to "give up" my last name because it is that last thing that I have from him.  I don't mind my fiance's last name but it sounds stupid on its own with my first and middle names which I love and use daily, and just doesn't flow from the tongue behind my last name.  To avoid being at the top of the alphabet and he's at the bottom when we are listed separately, I'm placing his last name before mine and will have a 2 word last name with no hyphen...my FIRST last name will be my husband's but my LAST last name will remain my dad's
    Halli620
  • Are there any guys here taking the brides name?

    meyerbournewedding
  • I am not changing my last name. I love my last name and my name sounds funny with his last name. When I asked him his thoughts, he said he didn't care if I took his last name or not. He even joked that he would be willing to take my last name. Today, there is no reason I see for me to change my last name and since we will not be having kids, I decided what I wanted to do about the name change. Luckily, I'm marrying a man that understands that I have no desire to change my last name. I like it just fine.
  • I am taking FI name. As we live in his country (we live in Europe), everyone here pronounces my name a bit strange. And besides, my FI owns a farm with his name and the road has his name too. So I find it exciting to have his name. Before I met my FI I was so against changing and I am not the youngest bride arruond. But I look forward to taking his name. At least my innitals will not change!
  • Your name, the one given to you at birth, is very important. Ask your FI why he feels so strongly about your taking on his name. (Tradition for tradition's sake is not an acceptable answer.) Also ask him how he would feel if he woke up tomorrow and people randomly began calling him by a name that he was not accustomed to. Changing your name is a BIG deal, especially if you like your name. Many people on this message board who changed their name did not seem to be bothered by it, which is fine. But if it bothers you don't make a haste decision. You can always change it later...or never. 
    rvg22sha2044
  • I'm keeping my last name which is both long and difficult to pronounce. Even if a name is just a symbol, I prefer to add to my identity rather than detract from it through the rituals of our marriage. My FI agrees completely. 
  • I was thinking about changing my middle name to my maiden and taking his last name as well; I never did like my middle name!

    BUT THEN,

    Someone in financing warned me that taking his last name also means taking some of his credit, and that potentially, my (perfect) credit could get wiped away-has anyone ever heard of this?? Instead of averaging the two credit scores when you buy a car, house, etc, they only have 1 to go off of-his! I pray there is no truth to this whatsoever-can anyone confirm??

    Thanks!
  • ktbee21 said:
    I was thinking about changing my middle name to my maiden and taking his last name as well; I never did like my middle name!

    BUT THEN,

    Someone in financing warned me that taking his last name also means taking some of his credit, and that potentially, my (perfect) credit could get wiped away-has anyone ever heard of this?? Instead of averaging the two credit scores when you buy a car, house, etc, they only have 1 to go off of-his! I pray there is no truth to this whatsoever-can anyone confirm??

    Thanks!
    Total BS.  You're changing your last name, not your credit report (which is typically tied to your social security number, not a name).  If you went through the name-change process outside of marriage, would you expect your credit report to change (beyond recognizing your previous name)?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • ktbee21 said:
    I was thinking about changing my middle name to my maiden and taking his last name as well; I never did like my middle name!

    BUT THEN,

    Someone in financing warned me that taking his last name also means taking some of his credit, and that potentially, my (perfect) credit could get wiped away-has anyone ever heard of this?? Instead of averaging the two credit scores when you buy a car, house, etc, they only have 1 to go off of-his! I pray there is no truth to this whatsoever-can anyone confirm??

    Thanks!
    Total BS.  You're changing your last name, not your credit report (which is typically tied to your social security number, not a name).  If you went through the name-change process outside of marriage, would you expect your credit report to change (beyond recognizing your previous name)?
    Agreed, Whoever told you this is feeding you a big crock of shit.

  • H and I both took each other's last names. Technically without the hyphen, but half the people we interact with put the hyphen in. 
    I really want us to take each other's names.  Do you have it as both your name his name or vice versa?
  • I'm taking his last name. His is harder and longer to spell and pronounce but there a lot fewer people with his last name in the world then mine. I felt that if I didn't take his last name then his family name could possibly become extinct (seriously there are only 7 people with his last name!) and that made me sad! It is also important to him that we share the same last name.
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