Wedding Invitations & Paper

Wording for a No-Kids Wedding

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Re: Wording for a No-Kids Wedding

  • Adult reception only.
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    Anniversary
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  • @Maggie0829

    Thank you for your thoughtful and detailed response. You're right, it's a lot of difficult little details to manage, and my fiancé and I need to remember that this is supposed to be a happy time, a celebration of togetherness...and cut out the stress!

    As far as ages, there is a whole group of cousins in the stepfamily side of things, ranging from 10-21 (so probably 11-22 by the time we get married). In the one particular family I mention, there are 4 kids ranging from 10-19 (but the 19-yr old is in the Marines and likely won't make the wedding). We haven't done an official guest list yet, so it very well might be a logistical thing to make it over 18 to keep costs down. (We fell in love with the idea of having it at the Bronx Zoo, but yikes is that expensive!)

    I don't think I can reasonably invite all the other cousins and not their kids. If I just do over 18, that will split up another family's kids. If I do over 21, that includes 2 of the cousins, both the only children of one family, but then the other cousins commonly thought of as being in the same grouping won't be there,

    Or just hang it up and invite everyone and let the cards fall where they may! The family in question might not even show up since they're heavy smokers and the Bronx Zoo is a smoke-free park. I do agree though that perhaps a note isn't the right way to address it...maybe just a face-to-face conversation. Already had that convo with a friend with 5 young kids, some of whom have behavioral issues, and they were completely on board with finding a babysitter. What's a little awkwardness for the chance to smooth things over and cut out stress?? :)
  • @caprici42 - H and I definitely lucked out because both of our families have very few young kids so we didn't have the hard decisions to make like what you do.  All I will say is that when people are 18 or older they are really no longer considered part of the family unit because they will receive their own invitation.  Since they aren't considered part of the family unit inviting a 19 or 20 year old with their own invitation who happens to have siblings younger then 18 is not technically splitting up a family.

    So for example.  The one family you mentioned that has kids from 10-19.  It is completely fine to invite the parents with one invite.  The 19 year old with another invite.  And then leave the younger kids (the one's under 18) off the guest list completely.

    Good luck with everything.  And I agree that some face-to-face communication is much better then writing anything on the invite.

  • The Thread In Sum:

    1. It is formal and traditional etiquette to not mention anything about age expectations at all. Ever. If you would like to follow formal protocol, do not include note of it. It is the opinion of some that formal etiquette should be followed no matter the circumstance.
    2. That said, it is (as witnessed in this thread), fairly common practice by many to include some small indicator, such as "18+," "Adults Only," or "__# of x# can attend," on invites or websites even though it does not follow formal protocol.
    3. Depending on geographical location, the type of family and social groups a couple has, and the kind of wedding a couple is having, formal/traditional etiquette may or may not be felt necessary by the couple and attendees. A couple most likely knows their guests best, and it is important to take their expected reactions into consideration.
    4. Attendee response to both formal/traditional etiquette and non-traditional age expectation language will vary and directly addressing unexpected responses/RSVPs by guests is the best way to resolve.

    While not everyone agrees that age expectation language is appropriate, it is obvious from the thread that this does happen, and many times it happens successfully and without offense taken. Other times offense is taken. Other times, formal protocol is followed and guests still do not comply with or maybe understand that formal ettiquette. Sometimes they do and everything works fine. Basically, there is an example of every option working and not working. The very definition of a subjective topic.

    I've tried to leave opinion out of the points above and just summarize the anecdotes given on the 10 pages in this thread so far (minus the frustration & cattiness that has been witnessed) for people who do not wish to read the whole thing.

     

     

    An additional unrelated point: this thread was included as the headline in a Knot email newsletter, which probably explains best why so many posters here are first-timers. Most likely there isn't any funny-business or intentional ganging up happening and it was all a result of the email everyone received.

  • Without the catty.
  • This post is like Groundhog's Day.

    Every time this comes to the top I'm like how is this still a debate. No people don't do it.

    It, along with dictating dress code of your guests is insulting. People know better and you should not insult everyone for a few. It's like at my work's weekly meeting. We have a new accountant and every single week for over a month there has been an announcement on friday and a "hoorah you guys all turned in your time cards by the end of the Friday" notice every week. I am getting really annoyed by it because FFS, it is known that in order to get paid I submit my time......quit insulting me because one person can't manage to do it.

    Same shit if you tell me to dress up for a wedding, and don't invite others not of the invitation. Sorry for the tangent but I'm still irritated and it seemed relavant!


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  • Oviously this is a touchy subject.  For ex. my husband and I were clearly invited to a $100 a plate reception.  My 18 year old daughter was offended at not being invited because "kids" were apparently not invited (her name was not on invitation and we got it).  Later it came up somehow and the bride said that she could have come.  I guess they had to draw the line somewhere.  My daughter is the oldest "kid".  These receptions usually don't differentiate between a 3 year old and an 18 year old.  They cost the same.  As the mother of a soon-to-be bride, I feel the pressure to do this "the right way".  I think it is more about cost than bad kids.  We will be having kids at the reception and just have to choke on the cost.  However, I personally don't see a problem with saying on the invitation "adults only", but be careful where you draw the line.  Babies don't care, but older "kids" will remember.  Just saying. 
  • Oviously this is a touchy subject.  For ex. my husband and I were clearly invited to a $100 a plate reception.  My 18 year old daughter was offended at not being invited because "kids" were apparently not invited (her name was not on invitation and we got it).  Later it came up somehow and the bride said that she could have come.  I guess they had to draw the line somewhere.  My daughter is the oldest "kid".  These receptions usually don't differentiate between a 3 year old and an 18 year old.  They cost the same.  As the mother of a soon-to-be bride, I feel the pressure to do this "the right way".  I think it is more about cost than bad kids.  We will be having kids at the reception and just have to choke on the cost.  However, I personally don't see a problem with saying on the invitation "adults only", but be careful where you draw the line.  Babies don't care, but older "kids" will remember.  Just saying. 
    If I was your 18 year old daughter and the invite did come with "adults only" written and then later found out that she could have come as one of Mommy and Daddy's kids I would have been offended.  Not because my name wasn't included on the invitation but because I am 18 years old, thus an adult and if the couple had wanted me there they should have sent my my own invitation and treated me like an adult (just like the invite noted) rather then include me as a "kid" with my parents invite.

  • Oviously this is a touchy subject.  For ex. my husband and I were clearly invited to a $100 a plate reception.  My 18 year old daughter was offended at not being invited because "kids" were apparently not invited (her name was not on invitation and we got it).  Later it came up somehow and the bride said that she could have come.  I guess they had to draw the line somewhere.  My daughter is the oldest "kid".  These receptions usually don't differentiate between a 3 year old and an 18 year old.  They cost the same.  As the mother of a soon-to-be bride, I feel the pressure to do this "the right way".  I think it is more about cost than bad kids.  We will be having kids at the reception and just have to choke on the cost.  However, I personally don't see a problem with saying on the invitation "adults only", but be careful where you draw the line.  Babies don't care, but older "kids" will remember.  Just saying. 

    18 year olds aren't children so the bride is at fault here for not including your daughter's name on the invitation in the first place if she was indeed invited. Your daughter should be pissed.

    There's no fault to anyone for making a line, regardless of who remembers not being invited. We invited the people who are part of our lives. We invited no children (with the exception of FG and RB), and we also didn't invite most of the adult children of our friends/family unless we are personally close to them.

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    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • I have 2 good friends getting married in the next month and both put "Adult Only Ceremeny and Reception" on their invitations. I am planning on putting the same on mine, for I do not want there to be any confusion as to who is invited. Some say it is rude, but I do not think it is cause most places charge the same amount for kids as adults and if I didn't do this I would possibly have 22 kids at my wedding. 
  • I have 2 good friends getting married in the next month and both put "Adult Only Ceremeny and Reception" on their invitations. I am planning on putting the same on mine, for I do not want there to be any confusion as to who is invited. Some say it is rude, but I do not think it is cause most places charge the same amount for kids as adults and if I didn't do this I would possibly have 22 kids at my wedding. 

    You can still have a guest list of only adults wifi resorting to rude phrases.
  • Just address it straight on so that they can start looking for a sitter rightfoff the back
  • Just went to another soon to be sister-in-laws wedding.  Invited 50 and 85 showed up.  It has to be a midwest thing.  Glad to hear it's not just me.  :)
  • How about adding a line that says We have reserved __ seats in your honor and fill in the space?

    I kinda like that idea.

    Ehh. Isn't that implied when the invite is to Mr and Mrs Smith, that 2 people are invited and will obviously have seats reserved? I'd be like uh yeah I know, I'm not stupid! lol. I think the MAJORITY of people know that whoever you list on the invite are the only ones invited. The few who do not know this "rule" will get the chance to learn it i guess. (seems like common sense)
  • I have 2 good friends getting married in the next month and both put "Adult Only Ceremeny and Reception" on their invitations. I am planning on putting the same on mine, for I do not want there to be any confusion as to who is invited. Some say it is rude, but I do not think it is cause most places charge the same amount for kids as adults and if I didn't do this I would possibly have 22 kids at my wedding. 
    Glad that after 10 pages, you are still choosing to be rude.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • NYCBruin said:
    How I feel about this thread:

    WHy won't you die
    I thought this exact same thing when I saw this was at the top of the page again. So since you went with this already, I'll go with this 
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    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • omfgimage

    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • Meagan831 said:
    Just went to another soon to be sister-in-laws wedding.  Invited 50 and 85 showed up.  It has to be a midwest thing.  Glad to hear it's not just me.  :)
    Don't blame people's stupidity, ignorance and/or inability to read who an invitation is addressed to on an entire region.
  • I have 2 good friends getting married in the next month and both put "Adult Only Ceremeny and Reception" on their invitations. I am planning on putting the same on mine, for I do not want there to be any confusion as to who is invited. Some say it is rude, but I do not think it is cause most places charge the same amount for kids as adults and if I didn't do this I would possibly have 22 kids at my wedding. 
    Do people just not understand how to construct a logical argument anymore? 



  • I agree that it's probably rude to put something like "adults only" on the invites.
    The problem we have run into, though, is that in my family, weddings are all-age, family events that are usually hosted at church. It is expected that of course children would come! Weddings are not grown-up parties in this type of circle. We are going a different route and want something that is more "adult" and more formal than what is traditional for this area. I wish just leaving a name off the envelope did the trick, but we are dealing with a lot of folks who don't think they even need a written invitation, they'll "just get details from so-and-so" if I don't have their addresses. So many people do not RSVP at all, and when they are called, they are non-committal. They just show up if they feel like it and don't really understand the unwritten "rules."
    More than once, we have received wedding or party invitations with only my or my fiance's name on the envelope, because the hosts *assumed I would naturally come too* and wouldn't be so stuffy as to insist on being specifically asked. We are doing our best to avoid this type of confusion. It's really aggravating, honestly, to hear "don't assume your guests are dumb" when you know from direct experience that no, of course they are not dumb, but they definitely do NOT "get it."
  • @NYCBruin
    Seating charts? You're talking about a cultural environment where seating charts are beyond stuffy, where the "reception" is an afternoon barbecue or cake and punch after church, where you're lucky to get people who show up in something more formal than jeans or flip-flops, and yes, where people assume verbal details are as good as an invitation, that weddings are family reunion-type affairs, not formal occasions, and that anybody who wants a real RSVP risks being viewed as a control freak. This is a reality in rural Western towns, at least, and sounds like it's more common than you'd think.
    Yeah. I want formal. And seating charts. And a solid, advance headcount. Getting it is going to be like pulling teeth. What a lot of the etiquette experts here seem to be overlooking is that in a lot of areas, being overly formal or "proper" is also considered rude/poor hosting, guests do not know these social rules, and some of us really feel caught in the middle.
  • kitty8403 said:
    @NYCBruin Seating charts? You're talking about a cultural environment where seating charts are beyond stuffy, where the "reception" is an afternoon barbecue or cake and punch after church, where you're lucky to get people who show up in something more formal than jeans or flip-flops, and yes, where people assume verbal details are as good as an invitation, that weddings are family reunion-type affairs, not formal occasions, and that anybody who wants a real RSVP risks being viewed as a control freak. This is a reality in rural Western towns, at least, and sounds like it's more common than you'd think. Yeah. I want formal. And seating charts. And a solid, advance headcount. Getting it is going to be like pulling teeth. What a lot of the etiquette experts here seem to be overlooking is that in a lot of areas, being overly formal or "proper" is also considered rude/poor hosting, guests do not know these social rules, and some of us really feel caught in the middle.
    Formal/"proper" =/= etiquette.



    Anniversary
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  • I realize that, thanks.
    Here's the deal: Etiquette says, don't put this on the invite. I get it. But that doesn't resolve the very real problem a lot of brides here seem to have, which is how to avoid trouble with confused guests who don't know how to read and respond to formal invitations correctly.
  • JoanE2012 said:
    Meagan831 said:
    Just went to another soon to be sister-in-laws wedding.  Invited 50 and 85 showed up.  It has to be a midwest thing.  Glad to hear it's not just me.  :)
    Don't blame people's stupidity, ignorance and/or inability to read who an invitation is addressed to on an entire region.
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  • kitty8403 said:

    I realize that, thanks.
    Here's the deal: Etiquette says, don't put this on the invite. I get it. But that doesn't resolve the very real problem a lot of brides here seem to have, which is how to avoid trouble with confused guests who don't know how to read and respond to formal invitations correctly.

    Is the only communication you plan on having with your guests between now and your wedding an invitation?

    I don't get why word of mouth doesn't suffice in these types of situations. I assume people occasionally ask you about wedding plans. Is there some reason you can't slip in a description of how you're having a more formal affair?
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • kitty8403 said:
    I realize that, thanks. Here's the deal: Etiquette says, don't put this on the invite. I get it. But that doesn't resolve the very real problem a lot of brides here seem to have, which is how to avoid trouble with confused guests who don't know how to read and respond to formal invitations correctly.
    But this is where putting "adults only" won't work.  If you have guests who just won't read the damn invitation then what will putting "adults only" on it prove?  If you already know that they won't respond to the invite in the correct manner then the statement "adults only" will most likely not have any affect on them whatsoever.  If the guests you are inviting are the type that will just bring others along a small statement on the invite is not going to change that.

    What will change their actions is being prepared to call them up and make it known that only X and X are invited when they RSVP for 10 instead of the invited 2.

  • Thanks for this post. Our ceremony is for everyone, however the reception is for adults only.  I do not want to be rude and I love children but we are having an open bar and adult themed music and dancing. The kid’s plates are $40 each and most kids waste food.  A kid should not see my future husband under my dress getting the garter. NO way!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker ~~Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is infinite. Love is you.~~
  • Thanks for this post. Our ceremony is for everyone, however the reception is for adults only.  I do not want to be rude and I love children but we are having an open bar and adult themed music and dancing. The kid’s plates are $40 each and most kids waste food.  A kid should not see my future husband under my dress getting the garter. NO way!
    Please make sure that you do not invite the children to the ceremony.  If you do, then you must invite them to the reception as well.  If you don't want kids there then don't invite them to any part of your day.

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