Last night FI and I were talking about this. I am taking his last name and dropping my current last name, but I told him that for professional purposes (I'm a journalist), I will still write under my maiden name. He actually got really upset and asked me if his last name wasn't cool enough to go on what I write (he said it nicer than that, but that's kind of how I took it). I was annoyed. I just want everything I write professionally to be under the same name. But I don't want to upset him. So we decided to table the conversation and have it again when we weren't tired and frustrated.
I am kind of jealous of other brides who get to take the fi lat name. I always assumes I would, just a part of the marriage excitement, but if and I already have the same last name, so mine wot be changing
This is one issue I'm kind of struggling with too. I never really thought about it too much previously and don't have any moral predilections toward one or the other. I like my maiden name... it's short and easy to pronounce/spell and relatively common. FI really likes his last name... it's not too weird but it often get misspelled & mispronounced, but he likes that its not a common name. FI feels VERY strongly that I should take his last name. I'm not sure I have a problem with that except that it really should be my CHOICE, not a demand. He doesn't have too many things that he feels strongly about like this, though, so I know its important to him. I want to respect his opinion, so I don't think keeping my maiden name is really an option.
We don't plan to have kids, so that isn't really a consideration. My main issue is that I have worked hard on my career and have built a professional reputation with my name. My degrees & licenses cannot be reprinted with a new name. My clients will probably adjust over time and most people will understand that women get married and typically take husband's name, so its not anything really unusual. But, I feel that professionally it is probably best to have my legal name match what my professional certifications. Plus, as I expand my career, having a name change will create additional difficulty with future certifications. I've debated switching my name legally and socially, but keeping maiden name professionally. But, I'm not sure if I can even do that legally, due to licensing and certifications, because I probably have to legally work under my legal name. I've debated keeping maiden name legally and professionally, but using his name socially. Those options just seems complicated to go by 2 different names. I've debated hyphenating, but I've never been a big fan of it and I figure it still takes the same adjustments of changing my professionally used name, so I might as well just switch since its nearly as difficult. My dad also feels strongly that wife should take husbands name. Everyone I know professionally thinks I should keep my name, because I have built a name for myself with it.
I've still got time to figure it out, but its not always an easy choice to make. Everyone will have their own opinions and feelings on it. But, there are a lot of ways to do it.
I have changed my name legally but I have not yet changed it professionally. I made my maiden name my middle name and took FI's last name. Due to my profession, its a frustrating situation. Our insurance is through my work so it has my maiden name on it. I kind of just want to switch to my new last name so everything is the same but most people have advised me against it. Once you change it, you can't go back so I have been procrastinating on making the decision.
I am kind of jealous of other brides who get to take the fi lat name. I always assumes I would, just a part of the marriage excitement, but if and I already have the same last name, so mine wot be changing
Wow, I'm jealous of you... that would be SO much easier!
Maybe you and FI could BOTH change your last name, so you still get some of that excitement.
I've never really been attatched to my dad's side of the family, and while I was away for 2 months, he cheated on my mom and they got divorced. So if I were to take a name, I would want a to carry on my mom's maiden name, not my dad's name. So it made the decision pretty easy. Taking FI's name. Even though there are only girls in the family, so if we all take our H's names, the name is going to die, but I don't really care. I don't want that family name to live on.
I have a fourteen-letter hyphenated name from both my parents, and let me assure you that they will still let you take the SATs and I never had a problem getting on a plane with my parents. Because my parents did this I feel like it primed me to consider the name choice carefully and never just assume I'd take a husband's name.
The decision? I'm keeping the double-barreled name that only two people in the world have and when it comes to kids, maybe we'll flip a coin or give names based on gender! I am sad that some people are pressured by their fiancés or families to change when they don't want to. Though it seems like we're moving in a more "traditional" direction at the moment, I hope that in my lifetime more brides and grooms will reconsider the tradition -- even if they do choose to go the traditional route in the end. I just want people to feel like they have a choice.
I'm changing my name. I never used to be on board with it. I always said I'd keep my last name. I was all, "I'm independent and I'm never changing my name!" And I didn't change it the first time I got married. But I'm actually really looking forward to taking my FI's last name. Plus, it's a lot easier to spell and pronounce ;-)
I will be taking my husbands last name. I of course adore my own last name, my initials even spell out the first 3 letters of my name! But I just don't feel like you are really committed as a family unless you both go by the same name.
So is this including the millions of people all over the world, particularly in countries/cultures where the wife doesn't take the husband's last name?
I'm definitely taking my future husband's name once we're married. I dunno, I suppose it's just always been the way it happens in my mind. You get married, you take your husbands name, the end.
My problem though is that I'm not really sure what to do with MY last name. I want to keep it somehow, 'cause I really actually love my last name and it's a pretty big part of me. But I also really like my middle name so I don't just want to drop my middle name.
I dunno what to do! I really don't want to have four names to sign on legal documents. Three is annoying enough.
Not to stir the pot (although I guess that's exactly what I'm doing?), but my mom remarried when I was about 4 years old and took my stepdad's name. My two brothers obviously had my stepdad's name, and I definitely felt left out of the loop when I was a child. I always felt like I wasn't really part of the family, and it didn't help that I didn't have that close of a relationship to my bio father. I always hated having to explain to people that she was my mom, or that my brothers were my brothers.
I'm excited to take FI's last name. I certainly think that other people's choices are valid, but for us it's the right thing to do. I always felt like my maiden name was just a connection to my bio father, but not really my "family" name, since they all had a different name. So I'm taking FI's last name and dropping maiden name altogether.
But just like *not* taking FI's name is a valid choice, taking it is as well. I hate when people seem to think I'm not independent or feminist "enough" because I'm changing my last name.
Not to stir the pot (although I guess that's exactly what I'm doing?), but my mom remarried when I was about 4 years old and took my stepdad's name. My two brothers obviously had my stepdad's name, and I definitely felt left out of the loop when I was a child. I always felt like I wasn't really part of the family, and it didn't help that I didn't have that close of a relationship to my bio father. I always hated having to explain to people that she was my mom, or that my brothers were my brothers.
I'm excited to take FI's last name. I certainly think that other people's choices are valid, but for us it's the right thing to do. I always felt like my maiden name was just a connection to my bio father, but not really my "family" name, since they all had a different name. So I'm taking FI's last name and dropping maiden name altogether.
But just like *not* taking FI's name is a valid choice, taking it is as well. I hate when people seem to think I'm not independent or feminist "enough" because I'm changing my last name.
I don't see taking your FI's last name as "not independent or feminist". The whole point of feminism relative to your last name is that you have the CHOICE to keep it or change it. That wasn't always the case. What you choose is your personal decision and if you feel good about it, that's all that matters.
However, I have to point out that what I'm getting from your post is a vibe that you are changing your name because you don't want your potential/future children to have a different last name than you (go through what you went through). Is that correct?
If so, you do realize that taking your FI's last name isn't the only want for your kids to have the same last name as you, right? You both could hyphenate, you could create a new last name (e.g. Halgrove + Lowston = Halston); or your FI could (gasp!!!) take your last name. Any of these options create a "family name". If you feel like the ONLY option is to take his name - that's where you lack choice/independence.
I have my mom's maiden name (she was 15 when I was born and unmarried, obvs) so I have my grandpa's last name. She married my step-dad when I was 7 and changed her name, so both of my siblings have his last name. I was so stubborn as a kid that I didn't want him to adopt me and change my last name. So everyone in my house were the P's and I was the only W. My grandpa died when I was 17 and I was very close to him. I have 3 uncles with my gramps' last name and 2 male cousins but none of them were close to/knew my gramps when they were growing up. My female cousin kept her last name as W when she married (she is a major feminist).
I'm undecided still as to whether to keep my last name as W and keep my gramps' name alive, hyphenate when I marry to W-M or just change to M. Or a weird option, hyphenate my middle name to my current middle and maiden name.
No matter the choice, I would definitely give my children their father's last name. FI have talked about what we might name our future children and he thinks it would be nice to give a son my maiden name as a middle name.
Not to stir the pot (although I guess that's exactly what I'm doing?), but my mom remarried when I was about 4 years old and took my stepdad's name. My two brothers obviously had my stepdad's name, and I definitely felt left out of the loop when I was a child. I always felt like I wasn't really part of the family, and it didn't help that I didn't have that close of a relationship to my bio father. I always hated having to explain to people that she was my mom, or that my brothers were my brothers.
I'm excited to take FI's last name. I certainly think that other people's choices are valid, but for us it's the right thing to do. I always felt like my maiden name was just a connection to my bio father, but not really my "family" name, since they all had a different name. So I'm taking FI's last name and dropping maiden name altogether.
But just like *not* taking FI's name is a valid choice, taking it is as well. I hate when people seem to think I'm not independent or feminist "enough" because I'm changing my last name.
I don't see taking your FI's last name as "not independent or feminist". The whole point of feminism relative to your last name is that you have the CHOICE to keep it or change it. That wasn't always the case. What you choose is your personal decision and if you feel good about it, that's all that matters.
However, I have to point out that what I'm getting from your post is a vibe that you are changing your name because you don't want your potential/future children to have a different last name than you (go through what you went through). Is that correct?
If so, you do realize that taking your FI's last name isn't the only want for your kids to have the same last name as you, right? You both could hyphenate, you could create a new last name (e.g. Halgrove + Lowston = Halston); or your FI could (gasp!!!) take your last name. Any of these options create a "family name". If you feel like the ONLY option is to take his name - that's where you lack choice/independence.
To the bolded: exactly! That love it was from me, btw.
My last name is always mispronounced and misspelled, but I have never for a second thought of changing it, even if it were important to my FI, which thankfully it is not. Maybe it is because all of my cousins and I are girls, and they have all changed their names. I am the youngest and last to marry, and I am keeping it! Or maybe it's because my parents both had different last names, so he was Mr. Gottlieb and she was Mrs. Smith, and together we were the Gottlieb Smith Family (not our real names), no hyphon--but alone, they only went by their own last names. My mom kept her name so that my half brother wouldn't feel left out (she actually kept her ex-husband's last name!), and I have my dad's last name. Now that he's a grown up and my parents have split up (she briefly changed it to my dad's last name for thir 25th anniversary, then they got divorced a few years later), she went back to her maiden name. I am keeping mine, but we will not hyphenate. Should we have any children, they will probably take his name, but who knows, maybe they should take mine!
I will take FI's last name. I agree- choice is the most important part. For me, I just like the sound of someone being able to say, "Oh, we're going to the Smith's tonight". One of my friends said she didn't really want to change her last name, but as they will often host gatherings at their house, I love saying "We're going to the Jones' for dinner Saturday".
I suppose though it would work the exact same as Blergbot described if people said, "We're going to the Smith Jones' tonight" and either hyphenate my name, or we keep our respective names, but both our names are somewhat long and not entirely easy to pronounce, so it would be a mouthful! We'll keep to one name! FI would like me to take his name, and I have no objection against it.
For interest sake, I'll add this to the convo. FI's brother changed the spelling of his last name, so their family has the new last name. The family name is Hungarian, so not very common and hard to pronounce properly. It's mostly the same name, but he removed the last couple of letters so it changes the overall pronunciation and it sounds more anglicized. FI's father was very upset that FI's brother did this and took this as a slight to the family- that FI's brother wasn't proud of where he came from. FI's dad and brother aren't super close, so maybe he isn't, but either way- what's in a name really, and it's not his dad's decision to make. But I can see for some that a family name is very important.
In some respects I would like to keep my name. It's not super easy to pronounce and I don't think it's "pretty", or an elegant name I should say, but I like where it comes from and what it means (I am Acadian). Interesting ideas to put one's maiden name as a middle name. I will think more about that.
To those thinking of keeping their maiden name professionally, I would fully support the choice either way. That makes sense to me, particularly in the case of thelastdreamer who has a career built around her maiden name.
@nicoann: It is a good point to consider the legal vs. professional name issue. For myself, any degrees and certifications I have up to this point will have my maiden name on them (which I kind of like), but for my career, I am licensed through my province as a registered health care professional, and my license must reflect my legal name and that is the name I must practice under. When we register to get licensed we must even give a preferred name (such as choosing to be addressed by one's middle name) if that's what we would like to practice under (which is nice there is the option). Socially, I may choose whatever name I like.
The above would be something to look into for any new bride that is considering name changes or differences.
I am happily changing my last name. I almost legally changed it in my 20's, when I finally broke away from my abusive parents, but didn't follow through. So for me it's twofold, I am proud to take FI's name and glad to ditch my family's name.
One twist is that FI's ex wife and I have the same first name. And his last name is very uncommon, so thank God she reverted to her maiden name when they divorced. She has caused some very serious issues with their kids and is such a dispicable person. I don't think I would have liked having the same name as her.
My last name is Gay. I want to mash our names like Kanye and Kim (Kardashiwest) but my FI did not take kindly to Gaycobs (Gay + Jacobs)
You could always go the other way Jay...but that might be confusing for anyone who knows your maiden since they sound similar and are only spelled one letter off.
I know this sounds terrible, but I'm not currently changing it because I'm afraid I'll mess up the paperwork. I have alot of paperwork with the wedding and insurance, taxes and other single-person to married person paperwork I'm failing at. A name change right now would probably make that much worse. I told him I'm not opposed on principle, just for legal concerns I don't want to mess up important documents
I know this sounds terrible, but I'm not currently changing it because I'm afraid I'll mess up the paperwork. I have alot of paperwork with the wedding and insurance, taxes and other single-person to married person paperwork I'm failing at. A name change right now would probably make that much worse. I told him I'm not opposed on principle, just for legal concerns I don't want to mess up important documents
You need to have marriage license in hand before you can legally change your name anyway. I've decided to not even look at the paperwork for it or anything until after the wedding and things start to settle a bit. I will likely start using his name socially right away, but after all the wedding craziness, the legal paperwork part can wait a few weeks.
After my divorce I never changed back to my maiden name. I am looking forward to taking my FI's name even though my first and his last sound a little porn-like put together. I wasn't given a middle name by my parents and when I married the first time I used my maiden as my middle. I'm changing it altogether and going back to just first/last. Keeps things easy. I cannot wait!
I'm hesitant to change my last name...my FI has a sister with the same exact name as me, spelled the same way. If I change my last name to FI, then there will be 2 Jane Smith's. Companies might be looking into her credit score instead of mine. I don't want to hyphenate because that's just more confusing work.
I'm hyphenating my name with his. Part of this decision is because of my profession. And the other part is for my children. I want their names to still match mine.
I ended up getting divorced after less than a year of marriage, and I'm glad I didn't change my name then because my ex wasn't just abusive, but he had a lot of debt. If I had managed to go through the legal headache of changing my name, I'd still be dealing with collection agencies in the decade or so after the divorce was finalized.
This time, as I'm marrying someone who treats me as an equal and who has good credit, I'm going to go ahead and take his name as I'm really a traditional person even if it might not seem like it. It's going to have to wait until after the honeymoon and the license is processed. Until that happens, when you're announced as "Mr and Mrs" at the end of the ceremony and at the reception, it's symbolic.
I ended up getting divorced after less than a year of marriage, and I'm glad I didn't change my name then because my ex wasn't just abusive, but he had a lot of debt. If I had managed to go through the legal headache of changing my name, I'd still be dealing with collection agencies in the decade or so after the divorce was finalized.
This time, as I'm marrying someone who treats me as an equal and who has good credit, I'm going to go ahead and take his name as I'm really a traditional person even if it might not seem like it. It's going to have to wait until after the honeymoon and the license is processed. Until that happens, when you're announced as "Mr and Mrs" at the end of the ceremony and at the reception, it's symbolic.
What does your last name have to do with collection agencies? Doesn't your credit info reflect YOU, regardless of what your legal name is? Maybe I'm misinformed, but this doesn't make sense to me. You could change your name to Jane Doe and your credit score would be unchanged.
I'm hypenating mine and mine only(my last name is Bugg) and FI last name is staying the same. I'm only doing it for me because my last name is unique and it's who I am. I use to hate my last name because I was made fun of growing up and now that I'm older I get compliments and nicknames. While my FI is very common.
Re: Changing your last name?
Wow, I'm jealous of you... that would be SO much easier!
Maybe you and FI could BOTH change your last name, so you still get some of that excitement.
The decision? I'm keeping the double-barreled name that only two people in the world have and when it comes to kids, maybe we'll flip a coin or give names based on gender! I am sad that some people are pressured by their fiancés or families to change when they don't want to. Though it seems like we're moving in a more "traditional" direction at the moment, I hope that in my lifetime more brides and grooms will reconsider the tradition -- even if they do choose to go the traditional route in the end. I just want people to feel like they have a choice.
So is this including the millions of people all over the world, particularly in countries/cultures where the wife doesn't take the husband's last name?
They are not really "committed as a family?"
Yeah, I'm totally giving you the side-eye.
Officially hitched as of 10/25/13
I am happily changing my last name. I almost legally changed it in my 20's, when I finally broke away from my abusive parents, but didn't follow through. So for me it's twofold, I am proud to take FI's name and glad to ditch my family's name.
One twist is that FI's ex wife and I have the same first name. And his last name is very uncommon, so thank God she reverted to her maiden name when they divorced. She has caused some very serious issues with their kids and is such a dispicable person. I don't think I would have liked having the same name as her.
This time, as I'm marrying someone who treats me as an equal and who has good credit, I'm going to go ahead and take his name as I'm really a traditional person even if it might not seem like it. It's going to have to wait until after the honeymoon and the license is processed. Until that happens, when you're announced as "Mr and Mrs" at the end of the ceremony and at the reception, it's symbolic.