• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Etiquette

Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place

1679111228

Re: Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place

  • Jen4948 said:
    moemacWed30594 said:
    I just got into a heated discussion with a coworker about open vs cash bars. She is firmly on cash bar and no matter what I say, she is NOT having an open bar. I discovered it boils down to the fact that she does not think the reception is a thank you to guests. She views it as partying with the guests instead. It was getting loud so I left and went back to my desk.
    I hope your co-worker understands when everyone leaves en masse.
    I've been to a lot of weddings over the years with cash bars and while they're personally not my cup of tea, I've never seen the guests leave en masse. Not ever, once. If these people are in a region where this is common practice no one is even going to side eye it, let alone leave just because they have to pay for drinks. 

    AroundTheBlocksandrabrookeSuperSweet2014jenniferurs
  • Swazzle said:
    imageWe can do this all day ladies!!
    aurorajanette
  • arrippaarrippa Sam Adams Craft Commonwealth member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2013
    My point was for posting the story was I thought it was interesting that she didn't think the reception was a thank you for the guests. She thought it was just a party for the bride and groom. It made me wonder if most of the pro-cash bar people feel the same way.

    Amyzen83
  • My point was for posting the story was I thought it was interesting that she didn't think the reception was a thank you for the guests. She thought it was just a party for the bride and groom. It made me wonder if most of the pro-cash bar people feel the same way.
    Of course! The day is all about them after all. Why should they pay when the guests should be honored just to be invited! *eye roll*

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

    Blue_Bird
  • Wow! Did not realize there were so many opinions on this matter. Unfortunately I'm kind of forced to do a cash bar. My immediate family (who are paying) are adamantly opposed to alcohol for any reason (lots of alcohol and substance abuse in the extended family) so suggesting that we pay for anyone's alcohol would've been a massive slap in the face to them. And the venue doesn't allow us to close the bar, so cash bar was the only option we had. Hopefully friends and family will forgive me for this "rude" scenario...
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Wow! Did not realize there were so many opinions on this matter. Unfortunately I'm kind of forced to do a cash bar. My immediate family (who are paying) are adamantly opposed to alcohol for any reason (lots of alcohol and substance abuse in the extended family) so suggesting that we pay for anyone's alcohol would've been a massive slap in the face to them. And the venue doesn't allow us to close the bar, so cash bar was the only option we had. Hopefully friends and family will forgive me for this "rude" scenario...
    This does not force you to do a cash bar.  You can find another venue with no bar.
    KeptInStitchesPrettyGirlLostBlue_Bird[Deleted User]
  • Jen4948 said:
    This does not force you to do a cash bar.  You can find another venue with no bar.
    We actually didn't have many options when it came to venue since we're doing a winter wedding. Everywhere we went had the same policy.
  • Jen4948 said:



    Wow! Did not realize there were so many opinions on this matter. Unfortunately I'm kind of forced to do a cash bar. My immediate family (who are paying) are adamantly opposed to alcohol for any reason (lots of alcohol and substance abuse in the extended family) so suggesting that we pay for anyone's alcohol would've been a massive slap in the face to them. And the venue doesn't allow us to close the bar, so cash bar was the only option we had. Hopefully friends and family will forgive me for this "rude" scenario...

    This does not force you to do a cash bar.  You can find another venue with no bar.


    Oh FFS. Can't we just allow one person to have an exception? You would really expect a person to change their entire venue? Would you side eye someone you loved for choosing a venue they loved and then hitting a wall with the venue not allowing a closed bar?
    AroundTheBlockAmyzen83AlexisA01
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited November 2013
    Wow! Did not realize there were so many opinions on this matter. Unfortunately I'm kind of forced to do a cash bar. My immediate family (who are paying) are adamantly opposed to alcohol for any reason (lots of alcohol and substance abuse in the extended family) so suggesting that we pay for anyone's alcohol would've been a massive slap in the face to them. And the venue doesn't allow us to close the bar, so cash bar was the only option we had. Hopefully friends and family will forgive me for this "rude" scenario...
    This does not force you to do a cash bar.  You can find another venue with no bar.
    Oh FFS. Can't we just allow one person to have an exception? You would really expect a person to change their entire venue? Would you side eye someone you loved for choosing a venue they loved and then hitting a wall with the venue not allowing a closed bar?
    Yes.  Cash bars are rude, FFS.  It is never polite to expect one's guests to buy their own provisions.  Sorry, but this is something I would side-eye (and so would her guests, justifiably), because she is not stuck with this venue.  It is not "lovable" that it is trying to force her to be rude in the interest of making itself money.  That just means that this is not a "lovable" venue.
    grumbledore[Deleted User]
  • Jen4948 said:
    Yes.  Cash bars are rude, FFS.  It is never polite to expect one's guests to buy their own provisions.  Sorry, but this is something I would side-eye (and so would her guests, justifiably), because she is not stuck with this venue.  It is not "lovable" that it is trying to force her to be rude in the interest of making itself money.  That just means that this is not a "lovable" venue.
    Like I said in a previous reply, every venue in our area that's open in the winter has the same policy. It's pretty standard around here. Luckily, no one I've talked to has cared about the cash bar whatsoever since it's a morning wedding and most people aren't planning on having drinks anyway.
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    Jen4948 said:




    Yes.  Cash bars are rude, FFS.  It is never polite to expect one's guests to buy their own provisions.  Sorry, but this is something I would side-eye (and so would her guests, justifiably), because she is not stuck with this venue.  It is not "lovable" that it is trying to force her to be rude in the interest of making itself money.  That just means that this is not a "lovable" venue.

    Like I said in a previous reply, every venue in our area that's open in the winter has the same policy. It's pretty standard around here. Luckily, no one I've talked to has cared about the cash bar whatsoever since it's a morning wedding and most people aren't planning on having drinks anyway.


    In the box

    Why don't you and your FI pay for the bar? Then your family doesn't have to pay for it, and neither do your guests.
    image
    image

    image


    PrettyGirlLostsouthernbelle0915grumbledore
  • Jen4948 said:




    Yes.  Cash bars are rude, FFS.  It is never polite to expect one's guests to buy their own provisions.  Sorry, but this is something I would side-eye (and so would her guests, justifiably), because she is not stuck with this venue.  It is not "lovable" that it is trying to force her to be rude in the interest of making itself money.  That just means that this is not a "lovable" venue.

    Like I said in a previous reply, every venue in our area that's open in the winter has the same policy. It's pretty standard around here. Luckily, no one I've talked to has cared about the cash bar whatsoever since it's a morning wedding and most people aren't planning on having drinks anyway.


    I would not side eye this at all. :) I hope your wedding is lovely. I would spend the time I was at your wedding celebrating with you, and I would think your guests would too.
    AroundTheBlock
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    Yes.  Cash bars are rude, FFS.  It is never polite to expect one's guests to buy their own provisions.  Sorry, but this is something I would side-eye (and so would her guests, justifiably), because she is not stuck with this venue.  It is not "lovable" that it is trying to force her to be rude in the interest of making itself money.  That just means that this is not a "lovable" venue.
    Like I said in a previous reply, every venue in our area that's open in the winter has the same policy. It's pretty standard around here. Luckily, no one I've talked to has cared about the cash bar whatsoever since it's a morning wedding and most people aren't planning on having drinks anyway.
    I would not side eye this at all. :) I hope your wedding is lovely. I would spend the time I was at your wedding celebrating with you, and I would think your guests would too.
    @clarekundinger, if you read through the rest of this thread and in other threads on this board regarding cash bars, you will find that you are in a tiny minority here.  Just about everyone else would side-eye it.  If a venue does this, then you owe it to your guests to fall out of love with it and not stick them with the bill for entertaining them.  It's called good, proper hosting.
  • Wow! Did not realize there were so many opinions on this matter. Unfortunately I'm kind of forced to do a cash bar. My immediate family (who are paying) are adamantly opposed to alcohol for any reason (lots of alcohol and substance abuse in the extended family) so suggesting that we pay for anyone's alcohol would've been a massive slap in the face to them. And the venue doesn't allow us to close the bar, so cash bar was the only option we had. Hopefully friends and family will forgive me for this "rude" scenario...

    I don't understand how asking the alcoholics to pay for their vice makes this a better choice at all.
    [Deleted User]labro
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Why don't you just cover the bar cost yourself?
    PrettyGirlLostgrumbledore
  • banana468 said:
    Wow! Did not realize there were so many opinions on this matter. Unfortunately I'm kind of forced to do a cash bar. My immediate family (who are paying) are adamantly opposed to alcohol for any reason (lots of alcohol and substance abuse in the extended family) so suggesting that we pay for anyone's alcohol would've been a massive slap in the face to them. And the venue doesn't allow us to close the bar, so cash bar was the only option we had. Hopefully friends and family will forgive me for this "rude" scenario...
    I don't understand how asking the alcoholics to pay for their vice makes this a better choice at all.


    BINGO! If concern for alcoholics was the true motivation you'd find a venue with no bar. Did you now inquire about bar options before booking? Because that's a critical thing to do.

    You are putting your wants over being a gracious host. Your guests won't know why you've chosen a cash bar so your reasoning is irrelevant. They will simply think you wanted them to pay a part of their own thank you party.

    I truly cannot imagine that the majority of venues in your area are only open bar or cash bar. It just doesn't make sense to me. Either you haven't looked hard enough or you're being too picky. You are choosing to put a particular season, year, date, and venue over your guests' comfort. The right thing to do would be to pay for the bar yourselves. It doesn't have to be a full open bar either- beer and wine is perfectly acceptable! Otherwise have the cash bar and just own the fact that you've chosen to be a rude hostess and many of your guests will feel the same.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

    PrettyGirlLost
  • mrsfinnimrsfinni member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2013
    banana468 said:

    Wow! Did not realize there were so many opinions on this matter. Unfortunately I'm kind of forced to do a cash bar. My immediate family (who are paying) are adamantly opposed to alcohol for any reason (lots of alcohol and substance abuse in the extended family) so suggesting that we pay for anyone's alcohol would've been a massive slap in the face to them. And the venue doesn't allow us to close the bar, so cash bar was the only option we had. Hopefully friends and family will forgive me for this "rude" scenario...

    Just because someone likes to drink alcohol does not mean that they are an alcoholic. If you don't want people getting drunk at your wedding because they are alcoholics and drug addicts, why are you inviting these people to begin with? Did it ever cross your mind to not surround yourself with these people?

    Stuck in a quote box :/
    PrettyGirlLost

  • Wow! Did not realize there were so many opinions on this matter. Unfortunately I'm kind of forced to do a cash bar. My immediate family (who are paying) are adamantly opposed to alcohol for any reason (lots of alcohol and substance abuse in the extended family) so suggesting that we pay for anyone's alcohol would've been a massive slap in the face to them. And the venue doesn't allow us to close the bar, so cash bar was the only option we had. Hopefully friends and family will forgive me for this "rude" scenario...
    Just because someone likes to drink alcohol does not mean that they are an alcoholic. If you don't want people getting drunk at your wedding because they are alcoholics and drug addicts, why are you inviting these people to begin with? Did it ever cross your mind to not surround yourself with these people? Stuck in a quote box :/
    Really?? These are my family members. These are aunts, uncles, and cousins I grew up with. Most of them are recovering and have been doing very well for a long time. The ones that aren't doing so well are still my family, and I still love them and have invited them to the most important day of my life.

    But that's neither here nor there. The bottom line is that an open bar would offend my parents (mostly my mother) and make them incredibly uncomfortable, no matter who paid for it. Gonna have to resign myself to bad host/good daughter here, and I'm okay with that. It would've been great to find a venue without a bar, but I'm not going to move my wedding to a different season, or make guests travel any further than they already are, or take any of the other ridiculous suggestions that have been made just to make myself appear like a better host.
    jenniferurs
  • NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited December 2013

    Wow! Did not realize there were so many opinions on this matter. Unfortunately I'm kind of forced to do a cash bar. My immediate family (who are paying) are adamantly opposed to alcohol for any reason (lots of alcohol and substance abuse in the extended family) so suggesting that we pay for anyone's alcohol would've been a massive slap in the face to them. And the venue doesn't allow us to close the bar, so cash bar was the only option we had. Hopefully friends and family will forgive me for this "rude" scenario...
    Just because someone likes to drink alcohol does not mean that they are an alcoholic. If you don't want people getting drunk at your wedding because they are alcoholics and drug addicts, why are you inviting these people to begin with? Did it ever cross your mind to not surround yourself with these people? Stuck in a quote box :/
    Really?? These are my family members. These are aunts, uncles, and cousins I grew up with. Most of them are recovering and have been doing very well for a long time. The ones that aren't doing so well are still my family, and I still love them and have invited them to the most important day of my life.

    But that's neither here nor there. The bottom line is that an open bar would offend my parents (mostly my mother) and make them incredibly uncomfortable, no matter who paid for it. Gonna have to resign myself to bad host/good daughter here, and I'm okay with that. It would've been great to find a venue without a bar, but I'm not going to move my wedding to a different season, or make guests travel any further than they already are, or take any of the other ridiculous suggestions that have been made just to make myself appear like a better host.
    If your family is really as full of recovering alcoholics as you say, then why are you having any booze at your reception at all?  Why not have a dry reception?  Especially since you said your wedding is in the morning.

    And how is it that your mother would be offended if you properly hosted the bar, but she wouldn't be offended if other people purchased their own alcohol?  Sorry, but this seems like an excuse not to pay for an open or limited bar. . . which isn't required for a reception, but if you are going to have alcohol then you should be the one footing the bill, not your guests.

    The argument that Thus and Such Bride isn't having an open bar because family members are alcoholics is just BS in my opinion; Alcoholics are alcoholics because they cannot control their urge to drink and they drink to excess.  They will do this no matter if they have to pay for their own drinks or if there is an open bar.  Don't use alcoholism as an excuse to be a poor host.
    All of this.

    If you are truly worried about the alcoholics in your family, have a dry reception.  A cash bar won't prevent them from drinking.  But it will prevent you from being a gracious host.  And your mother's logic makes no sense.  If asking her to pay for alcohol would be a "slap in the face," just having alcohol should also be a "slap in the face" regardless of whose paying for it.  You also could always pay for the bar yourself like a grown up.  Or choose to not have alcohol at all.  If alcohol was this big of an issue, why on earth did you not research venues and bar policies FROM THE START.  I guarantee there are venues that would allow the bar to be closed if you told them it was not negotiable.  You wouldn't be the first person to make the demand as lots of cultures/individuals are 100% opposed to having alcohol present.

    These people will drink to excess if there is alcohol, regardless of whether it is hosted.  And you will be a rude hostess if there is a cash bar, regardless of your "reasons" why.

    Pony up the cash and pay for the bar yourself or have a dry reception.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    PrettyGirlLostdoeydoNYCMercedesmrsfinni
  • When someone offers to drop $20k on me in one day, I'm not about to stamp my feet and whine about the one thing they won't compromise on. It would've been great if we could have had a dry reception, but there were only three venues in the state that had everything we wanted and all of them had the "we don't close the bar" policy (I'm sure most of you still don't believe me, but FFS it is the truth). Having grown up in a family that doesn't drink, whether or not I could ask the venue to shut down the bar was just not something that would have ever occurred to me. No matter what, we weren't going to host a bar, whether it was there or not.
  • When someone offers to drop $20k on me in one day, I'm not about to stamp my feet and whine about the one thing they won't compromise on. It would've been great if we could have had a dry reception, but there were only three venues in the state that had everything we wanted and all of them had the "we don't close the bar" policy (I'm sure most of you still don't believe me, but FFS it is the truth). Having grown up in a family that doesn't drink, whether or not I could ask the venue to shut down the bar was just not something that would have ever occurred to me. No matter what, we weren't going to host a bar, whether it was there or not.
    I don't understand how paying for something your mother don't want to pay for but is fine being there is "stomping your feet" or whining.  Clearly your mother doesn't have a problem with the bar being there (since there will be a cash one), she just doesn't want to pay for it.

    And no, I don't believe you.  Because most places when you say "If you won't allow us to close the bar, we will be taking our business elsewhere" will compromise.  Do no Mormons, Baptists or recovering alcoholics get married in your state?  Surely you can't tell me there are NO venues that wouldn't allow you to close the bar.

    And you say there were only three venues that had "everything YOU wanted" so basically you put what YOU wanted ahead of being a good hostess.  
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    southernbelle0915PrettyGirlLostdoeydo

  • So it has zero to do with pleasing your mom and all to do with doing it the way you want - even if doing so is rude? It's a good thing that all alcoholics only drink when it's free and never when it's hosted.
    ...that's not what I said at all. If my parents weren't involved in the wedding and I were paying for everything myself, there'd be an open bar and it'd be a VERY different event. But I'm not hosting the wedding, they are, so I'm trying to be respectful of their opinions.
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    So it has zero to do with pleasing your mom and all to do with doing it the way you want - even if doing so is rude? It's a good thing that all alcoholics only drink when it's free and never when it's hosted.
    ...that's not what I said at all. If my parents weren't involved in the wedding and I were paying for everything myself, there'd be an open bar and it'd be a VERY different event. But I'm not hosting the wedding, they are, so I'm trying to be respectful of their opinions.

    But they are not hosting the bar, they have moved that onto your guests, which is rude. There is no problem in you and your FI paying for the bar. If your parent's don't want to pay for the bar, that is fine, but then you should.  

    We always say who pays has the say, however, just because someone if paying, doesn't mean they can be rude to your guests.
    image
    image

    image


    PrettyGirlLostaurorajanettedoeydo
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    So it has zero to do with pleasing your mom and all to do with doing it the way you want - even if doing so is rude? It's a good thing that all alcoholics only drink when it's free and never when it's hosted.
    ...that's not what I said at all. If my parents weren't involved in the wedding and I were paying for everything myself, there'd be an open bar and it'd be a VERY different event. But I'm not hosting the wedding, they are, so I'm trying to be respectful of their opinions.
    If they're paying and don't want to pay for an open bar, then you need to find a different venue and not use one that forces you to violate etiquette.  That means that you need to "fall out of love with it."  That might be hard, but good hosting means that you take your guests' needs into consideration and not being defensive about your choices.
    PrettyGirlLostdoeydo
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards