Cash bars aren't exactly advertised on invitations...so it's not that i wouldn't go to a wedding that had one. Because i probably wouldn't know about it in advance.
I would, however, leave after the cake was served at a wedding with a cash bar. When you start charging for things, some people will get to buy more than others. It becomes unequal based on your guests' budgets, which is offensive. Everyone should have access to the same amount of provisions at your wedding.
And it's not about "having to run out to satisfy my choice to drink alcohol." I would just go home and go to bed. It's not about the alcohol. It's about the poor etiquette. Your guests shouldn't have to open their wallets at an event you are hosting. Period. I would have a lovely time at a dry wedding, and I wouldn't leave early because of a lack of booze. It's not about the booze. It's about the choice. Having a cash bar says "my guests' comfort wasn't as important to me as other items in my budget, like my dress." I'm not interesting in being friendly with selfish people.
@Jen4948 how does it make me hypocritical? I might leave earlier than most but at least I actually attend the wedding and I stay for all the important stuff. I tend to leave all receptions earlier than most anyway because I don't dance and by the time I get to see all the stuff and congratulate the couple I've already mingled.
I really don't care either way about the cash bar thing, however I do get irritated when I see some posters say they wouldn't go to a wedding they knew had a cash bar and then turn around and say other posters are petty because they would leave a dry wedding early. Isn't it the same pettiness that drives a person to be offended by a cash bar as people who get bored at a dry reception?
No, because it's not "pettiness" that causes people to not go to weddings with cash bars. It's because the reception is a thank-you to the guests, not the couple, and the guests should not have to pay for their own provisions-in some cases, they probably can't afford to pay for drinks-and by going to a wedding knowing it's a cash bar, that implies approval of what doesn't pass etiquette muster.
Given that no one is entitled to alcohol, it's perfectly acceptable and possible to not be bored at a dry wedding. That one might be bored at a dry wedding is not a given-it's a chosen. So leaving early out of "boredom" because the wedding is dry IS petty.
Well I feel it is petty to not go to a wedding because of a cash bar. If you won't go to a friends or relatives wedding because of something silly like that then I feel that you must not care that much for the people getting married. ETA: also I don't really view the reception as a thank you to guest. I view it as a continuation of the celebration, then again I'm not a big fan of most weddings and the only reason I go is to show support for my loved ones.
And I feel that if my friends and family don't care enough about me to host me properly at the event that is in my honor, as well as all guests' honor, then I feel they must care more about their reception venue, floral decor, or bridal gown than my presence.
Not saying I would decline a wedding with a cash bar, and typically you don't find out until it is too late, but I find those events irritating and it makes me think a bit less of the person. No, they don't get a pass because they are family or friends, it makes it all the more irritating.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
@Jen4948 how does it make me hypocritical? I might leave earlier than most but at least I actually attend the wedding and I stay for all the important stuff. I tend to leave all receptions earlier than most anyway because I don't dance and by the time I get to see all the stuff and congratulate the couple I've already mingled.
If you can't handle attending a wedding for the purpose of seeing the couple get married and socializing with the other guests, whether or not there is alcohol present, then that suggests that you care more about the alcohol, even if you have to pay for it, than any other aspect. And that makes you a hypocrite because you're suggesting that people who don't attend or leave early because they don't approve of cash bars don't care for the couple. If you care for the couple, you should accept their hospitality as it's offered even if it's dry and not go running around looking to buy a drink.
I really don't care either way about the cash bar thing, however I do get irritated when I see some posters say they wouldn't go to a wedding they knew had a cash bar and then turn around and say other posters are petty because they would leave a dry wedding early. Isn't it the same pettiness that drives a person to be offended by a cash bar as people who get bored at a dry reception?
I have been to both a dry wedding and cash bar and I was the most bored at a cash bar. The dry wedding was fun. We had lots of good food, and non-alcoholic drinks. We all sat around and talked and had a good time.
The cash bar, on the other hand, worst wedding ever. I've already talked about that wedding here, so suffice to say that everything but soda was cash bar (including water). We were on a boat with no ATM so if you didn't bring any cash, you were out of luck. They ran out of everything (including the food) and as soon as we docked, we went out to dinner (even though the wedding had included "dinner"). To this day, I have never told my cousin what a terrible time we had. So bad in fact, that I thought about jumping off the boat and swimming to shore earlier in the night.
Maybe you think that etiquette means BEING polite, which yes, is universal.
HOW to be polite (aka: the rules of etiquette) unarguably varies by culture, and if you can't see that, then you missed a lesson or two on geography.
I actually agree with this, generally. However, I fail entirely to see a cultural context in which requiring guests to pay for their own refreshment at a party I am hosting is polite.
Maybe you think that etiquette means BEING polite, which yes, is universal.
HOW to be polite (aka: the rules of etiquette) unarguably varies by culture, and if you can't see that, then you missed a lesson or two on geography.
I actually agree with this, generally. However, I fail entirely to see a cultural context in which requiring guests to pay for their own refreshment at a party I am hosting is polite.
A lot of social circles enjoy drinking a social events. It's a pretty know fact in a lot of social circles. Which in way surprises me that people see bars as an after thought. It was as much apart of our budget as the food or dress.
In the 50+ weddings I've been to around the world I've never once attended a cash bar wedding. If I was to attend one I would buy drinks because I like the drink at social events. But that in no way should be construed as I'm not offended. I certainly would never tell the hosts to their face that I think they are horrible hosts, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have those thoughts.
I concede that people who only know cash bars are less likely be offended. I actually do get it, you don't know any other way, but that doesn't mean it's not offensive.
If your circle is fine with cash bars, fine. Have a cash bar. It doesn't effect me. However, don't be going around telling others not in your own social group they are fine when it's not.
It's plane and simple a good host NEVER makes their guests open their wallets. Period.
I agree with this 100%. I have my own views on cash bars, but I will not go around here telling people what they are and that they should do it. For me it is a regional (Canadian) thing and there was already a thread that talked about it.
But I have to say what pisses me off is when it is a "full' cash bar, Don't be making me pay $4 for my Ginger-ale.
Can you clarify this for me? I haven't seen the other tread but I live in Canada and all weddings I have attended have been open bar. Where I'm from, It's a part of proper hosting.
Correction, there was one that wasn't, and as a young girl (about 12) I remember hearing the 'hush hush' whispers amongst the other guests about having to pay for alcohol.
@LDay2014 - i love you. thank you for clarifying that everyone who brow-beats us that "IT'S DIFFERENT IN CANADA" isn't actually correct. I didn't want to believe that cash bars were cool in Canada, but I've never been to a Canadian wedding, so I had no standing to confirm or deny that. All i could say was "the least rude thing is for the bar to be hosted fully and for the guests to not have to pay for anything" which is true everywhere.
A lot of social circles enjoy drinking a social events. It's a pretty know fact in a lot of social circles. Which in way surprises me that people see bars as an after thought. It was as much apart of our budget as the food or dress.
In the 50+ weddings I've been to around the world I've never once attended a cash bar wedding. If I was to attend one I would buy drinks because I like the drink at social events. But that in no way should be construed as I'm not offended. I certainly would never tell the hosts to their face that I think they are horrible hosts, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have those thoughts.
I concede that people who only know cash bars are less likely be offended. I actually do get it, you don't know any other way, but that doesn't mean it's not offensive.
If your circle is fine with cash bars, fine. Have a cash bar. It doesn't effect me. However, don't be going around telling others not in your own social group they are fine when it's not.
It's plane and simple a good host NEVER makes their guests open their wallets. Period.
I agree with this 100%. I have my own views on cash bars, but I will not go around here telling people what they are and that they should do it. For me it is a regional (Canadian) thing and there was already a thread that talked about it.
But I have to say what pisses me off is when it is a "full' cash bar, Don't be making me pay $4 for my Ginger-ale.
Can you clarify this for me? I haven't seen the other tread but I live in Canada and all weddings I have attended have been open bar. Where I'm from, It's a part of proper hosting.
Correction, there was one that wasn't, and as a young girl (about 12) I remember hearing the 'hush hush' whispers amongst the other guests about having to pay for alcohol.
I'm in Western Canada, (Sask-BC) and the only 'open bar' I have ever seen was at family wedding in Arizona but that was only open until 8pm, then it switched to cash Which I thought at the time was fantastic. (and one in Vancover but the Brides family are Rockefeller's) Most wedding I go to have a Toonie bar, the rest have a cash bar. CN's on the other thread was that the reception is viewed as a party, every party is BYOB, a cash bar to me is just an extension of that. Also in Canada our booze is about double-triple the price of in the states, our liquor laws don't allow for a per person price, (If I had the option of having an open bar for $30 a person I would jump at it!)
We are looking in to having a Toonie Bar. (Loonie is $1, Toonie is $2)
A lot of social circles enjoy drinking a social events. It's a pretty know fact in a lot of social circles. Which in way surprises me that people see bars as an after thought. It was as much apart of our budget as the food or dress.
In the 50+ weddings I've been to around the world I've never once attended a cash bar wedding. If I was to attend one I would buy drinks because I like the drink at social events. But that in no way should be construed as I'm not offended. I certainly would never tell the hosts to their face that I think they are horrible hosts, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have those thoughts.
I concede that people who only know cash bars are less likely be offended. I actually do get it, you don't know any other way, but that doesn't mean it's not offensive.
If your circle is fine with cash bars, fine. Have a cash bar. It doesn't effect me. However, don't be going around telling others not in your own social group they are fine when it's not.
It's plane and simple a good host NEVER makes their guests open their wallets. Period.
I agree with this 100%. I have my own views on cash bars, but I will not go around here telling people what they are and that they should do it. For me it is a regional (Canadian) thing and there was already a thread that talked about it.
But I have to say what pisses me off is when it is a "full' cash bar, Don't be making me pay $4 for my Ginger-ale.
Can you clarify this for me? I haven't seen the other tread but I live in Canada and all weddings I have attended have been open bar. Where I'm from, It's a part of proper hosting.
Correction, there was one that wasn't, and as a young girl (about 12) I remember hearing the 'hush hush' whispers amongst the other guests about having to pay for alcohol.
I'm in Western Canada, (Sask-BC) and the only 'open bar' I have ever seen was at family wedding in Arizona but that was only open until 8pm, then it switched to cash Which I thought at the time was fantastic. (and one in Vancover but the Brides family are Rockefeller's) Most wedding I go to have a Toonie bar, the rest have a cash bar. CN's on the other thread was that the reception is viewed as a party, every party is BYOB, a cash bar to me is just an extension of that. Also in Canada our booze is about double-triple the price of in the states, our liquor laws don't allow for a per person price, (If I had the option of having an open bar for $30 a person I would jump at it!)
We are looking in to having a Toonie Bar. (Loonie is $1, Toonie is $2)
Can you just have a consumption bar and pay the $2 per drink on your own tab? Consumption bar at $2 sounds like it would save you a ton of money over a per-person open bar anyway.
"I'm not a rude bitch. I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."
No the host (We) pays the difference, normally the 'cost' is between $4-10 -$2 = paying $2-8 per drink. Since we are not running our own bar I think the cost for us will be somewhere between $4-5 per drink, but if you get a special even license and your own bartender you just pay cost, not the venue's mark up.
I really don't care either way about the cash bar thing, however I do get irritated when I see some posters say they wouldn't go to a wedding they knew had a cash bar and then turn around and say other posters are petty because they would leave a dry wedding early. Isn't it the same pettiness that drives a person to be offended by a cash bar as people who get bored at a dry reception?
No, because it's not "pettiness" that causes people to not go to weddings with cash bars. It's because the reception is a thank-you to the guests, not the couple, and the guests should not have to pay for their own provisions-in some cases, they probably can't afford to pay for drinks-and by going to a wedding knowing it's a cash bar, that implies approval of what doesn't pass etiquette muster.
Given that no one is entitled to alcohol, it's perfectly acceptable and possible to not be bored at a dry wedding. That one might be bored at a dry wedding is not a given-it's a chosen. So leaving early out of "boredom" because the wedding is dry IS petty.
Well I feel it is petty to not go to a wedding because of a cash bar. If you won't go to a friends or relatives wedding because of something silly like that then I feel that you must not care that much for the people getting married. ETA: also I don't really view the reception as a thank you to guest. I view it as a continuation of the celebration, then again I'm not a big fan of most weddings and the only reason I go is to show support for my loved ones.
And I feel that if my friends and family don't care enough about me to host me properly at the event that is in my honor, as well as all guests' honor, then I feel they must care more about their reception venue, floral decor, or bridal gown than my presence.
Not saying I would decline a wedding with a cash bar, and typically you don't find out until it is too late, but I find those events irritating and it makes me think a bit less of the person. No, they don't get a pass because they are family or friends, it makes it all the more irritating.
Honestly, I think that if you are determining a cash or open bar is the value of your presence at a wedding I feel kind of sorry. I would never, ever, ever complain about anything at a wedding...ever. I would also never leave a wedding early because of something as small as a cash bar. Yes, a cash bar is irritating and may be against etiquette but using that as the determinate of how much they really want you there? All else equal, that is just ridiculous. A wedding is an important day in someone's life and regardless of if they properly host you, they care enough about you to invite and include you in a very special day in their life. I don't know about you but I am only inviting people that I really want at my wedding, people that I care about. Also, I do not judge others on how they spend their money. They spent 5k more on a dress than on an open bar...it's annoying but I am not going to sit there and pout the whole time because I have to pay $10 for a cocktail. I am going to look at the glass half full and say the bride looks beautiful and I am honored they love me enough to include me in their day. Leaving a wedding early because you cannot have fun due to the fact that you have to pay for your alcohol is petty and rude IMO. Think what you will about cash bars but two rude acts do not cancel each other out. Give some side eye, move on, and enjoy the night.
A lot of social circles enjoy drinking a social events. It's a pretty know fact in a lot of social circles. Which in way surprises me that people see bars as an after thought. It was as much apart of our budget as the food or dress.
In the 50+ weddings I've been to around the world I've never once attended a cash bar wedding. If I was to attend one I would buy drinks because I like the drink at social events. But that in no way should be construed as I'm not offended. I certainly would never tell the hosts to their face that I think they are horrible hosts, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have those thoughts.
I concede that people who only know cash bars are less likely be offended. I actually do get it, you don't know any other way, but that doesn't mean it's not offensive.
If your circle is fine with cash bars, fine. Have a cash bar. It doesn't effect me. However, don't be going around telling others not in your own social group they are fine when it's not.
It's plane and simple a good host NEVER makes their guests open their wallets. Period.
I agree with this 100%. I have my own views on cash bars, but I will not go around here telling people what they are and that they should do it. For me it is a regional (Canadian) thing and there was already a thread that talked about it.
But I have to say what pisses me off is when it is a "full' cash bar, Don't be making me pay $4 for my Ginger-ale.
Can you clarify this for me? I haven't seen the other tread but I live in Canada and all weddings I have attended have been open bar. Where I'm from, It's a part of proper hosting.
Correction, there was one that wasn't, and as a young girl (about 12) I remember hearing the 'hush hush' whispers amongst the other guests about having to pay for alcohol.
I'm in Western Canada, (Sask-BC) and the only 'open bar' I have ever seen was at family wedding in Arizona but that was only open until 8pm, then it switched to cash Which I thought at the time was fantastic. (and one in Vancover but the Brides family are Rockefeller's) Most wedding I go to have a Toonie bar, the rest have a cash bar. CN's on the other thread was that the reception is viewed as a party, every party is BYOB, a cash bar to me is just an extension of that. Also in Canada our booze is about double-triple the price of in the states, our liquor laws don't allow for a per person price, (If I had the option of having an open bar for $30 a person I would jump at it!)
We are looking in to having a Toonie Bar. (Loonie is $1, Toonie is $2)
That's not true. I have worked very closely with the AGCO (Alcohol and Gaming Commission of Ontario) for many many years and (maybe not in the prairies) there is absolutely plenty of places where you can do a 'per person' price for an open bar.
Regardless of the cost, the etiquette remains the same.
Let me guess, you live in the GTA? Also Ontario has less stringent laws than the rest of Canada (including NB,NS) UGGG This is why I wasn't going to comment...
I really don't care either way about the cash bar thing, however I do get irritated when I see some posters say they wouldn't go to a wedding they knew had a cash bar and then turn around and say other posters are petty because they would leave a dry wedding early. Isn't it the same pettiness that drives a person to be offended by a cash bar as people who get bored at a dry reception?
No, because it's not "pettiness" that causes people to not go to weddings with cash bars. It's because the reception is a thank-you to the guests, not the couple, and the guests should not have to pay for their own provisions-in some cases, they probably can't afford to pay for drinks-and by going to a wedding knowing it's a cash bar, that implies approval of what doesn't pass etiquette muster.
Given that no one is entitled to alcohol, it's perfectly acceptable and possible to not be bored at a dry wedding. That one might be bored at a dry wedding is not a given-it's a chosen. So leaving early out of "boredom" because the wedding is dry IS petty.
Well I feel it is petty to not go to a wedding because of a cash bar. If you won't go to a friends or relatives wedding because of something silly like that then I feel that you must not care that much for the people getting married. ETA: also I don't really view the reception as a thank you to guest. I view it as a continuation of the celebration, then again I'm not a big fan of most weddings and the only reason I go is to show support for my loved ones.
And I feel that if my friends and family don't care enough about me to host me properly at the event that is in my honor, as well as all guests' honor, then I feel they must care more about their reception venue, floral decor, or bridal gown than my presence.
Not saying I would decline a wedding with a cash bar, and typically you don't find out until it is too late, but I find those events irritating and it makes me think a bit less of the person. No, they don't get a pass because they are family or friends, it makes it all the more irritating.
Honestly, I think that if you are determining a cash or open bar is the value of your presence at a wedding I feel kind of sorry. I would never, ever, ever complain about anything at a wedding...ever. Most people don't. It's after the wedding that all of the "dirt" comes out. And people get annoyed when they are not properly hosted, B Listed, invited to tiered receptions etc. I would also never leave a wedding early because of something as small as a cash bar. Show me where I said I would leave early in my post. Yes, a cash bar is irritating and may be against etiquette but using that as the determinate of how much they really want you there? All else equal, that is just ridiculous. Why is it ridiculous to desire to be properly hosted at an event that is supposed to be thrown in honor of the wedding guests? A wedding is an important day in someone's life and regardless of if they properly host you, they care enough about you to invite and include you in a very special day in their life. They why not take it a step further and care enough about their guests to prioritize their budget in order to properly host their guests? I don't know about you but I am only inviting people that I really want at my wedding, people that I care about. Yeah me too, and I care enough about them to be spending the lion's share of our budget (60%+) on properly hosting them.I love them so much that I want them to have an awesome time at the reception and not have to pay for drinks, food, etc. Also, I do not judge others on how they spend their money. They spent 5k more on a dress than on an open bar...it's annoying but I am not going to sit there and pout the whole time because I have to pay $10 for a cocktail. Me neither because guess what? I'm not going to pay $10 for a weak poured cocktail at a wedding, that is absurd. I am going to look at the glass half full and say the bride looks beautiful and I am honored they love me enough to include me in their day. Leaving a wedding early because you cannot have fun due to the fact that you have to pay for your alcohol is petty and rude IMO. Think what you will about cash bars but two rude acts do not cancel each other out. Give some side eye, move on, and enjoy the night.
Please spare me your pity because you missed the point that myself and others who hate cash bars were trying to make.
I determine the value of my presence on whether or not I am properly hosted at an event that is in my honor, yes, absolutely.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
@bubbles053009 I am breaking this long quote chain
Why leave early? Because it is rude or because you cannot have a good time? I find leaving either way to be rude because I do not think that a cash bar is a sign that the couple doesn't want you there. Judge all you want out of the couple but letting that ruin your night is just sad. I like to look at the positive. Either way, it is a Saturday night and if you were at the wedding or at a bar you would have to pay for your own drinks at this point. You're at the wedding so you might as well celebrate with people who clearly wanted you there badly enough that they invited you. Judge them, then enjoy yourself.
@bubbles053009 I am breaking this long quote chain
Why leave early? Because it is rude or because you cannot have a good time? I find leaving either way to be rude because I do not think that a cash bar is a sign that the couple doesn't want you there. Judge all you want out of the couple but letting that ruin your night is just sad. I like to look at the positive. Either way, it is a Saturday night and if you were at the wedding or at a bar you would have to pay for your own drinks at this point. You're at the wedding so you might as well celebrate with people who clearly wanted you there badly enough that they invited you. Judge them, then enjoy yourself.
But it's a wedding... not a bar. If I'm going to the bar I'm expecting them to charge me for my drinks because it's a business. I will have money on me and will be expecting to spend it. If I'm going to a wedding, I'm giving my family and friends the benefit of the doubt that they will host me correctly and I won't have to open my wallet. I probably won't have cash on me, and any cash bar I've been to doesn't accept cards. This is in no way a comparison.
To a certain degree I agree it's rude to leave If there's a cash bar for alcohol. However if it's a cash bar for all beverages I can understand. A guest with no cash can then not drink a thing. How is that enjoyable?
PrettyGirlLost Clearly you took my response as an attack or pity or something other than what it was. Believe me, I agree with everything you said. I agree that they are rude and I agree that you should be budgeting properly. I do not agree that the cash bar is a determinant of the value of your presence. Your desire to be hosted properly is not ridiculous. I do think it is ridiculous to think that the hosts choice to have a cash bar equates them caring so little about you that you get very upset. I think you should get annoyed and irritated but not so upset that you think that they don't care about you as a guest at their wedding.
bubbles053009 I am breaking this long quote chain
Why leave early? Because it is rude or because you cannot have a good time? I find leaving either way to be rude because I do not think that a cash bar is a sign that the couple doesn't want you there. Judge all you want out of the couple but letting that ruin your night is just sad. I like to look at the positive. Either way, it is a Saturday night and if you were at the wedding or at a bar you would have to pay for your own drinks at this point. You're at the wedding so you might as well celebrate with people who clearly wanted you there badly enough that they invited you. Judge them, then enjoy yourself.
The bolded is exactly the point! You are at a wedding to which you were formally invited. And then at a cash bar wedding, they treat you just as if you were at a bar. How do you not see how inappropriate that is?
There's no way you will justify the fact that it is not polite to ask your guests to fund part of your wedding to which you invite people!
@bubbles053009 I am breaking this long quote chain
Why leave early? Because it is rude or because you cannot have a good time? I find leaving either way to be rude because I do not think that a cash bar is a sign that the couple doesn't want you there. Judge all you want out of the couple but letting that ruin your night is just sad. I like to look at the positive. Either way, it is a Saturday night and if you were at the wedding or at a bar you would have to pay for your own drinks at this point. You're at the wedding so you might as well celebrate with people who clearly wanted you there badly enough that they invited you. Judge them, then enjoy yourself.
But it's a wedding... not a bar. If I'm going to the bar I'm expecting them to charge me for my drinks because it's a business. I will have money on me and will be expecting to spend it. If I'm going to a wedding, I'm giving my family and friends the benefit of the doubt that they will host me correctly and I won't have to open my wallet. I probably won't have cash on me, and any cash bar I've been to doesn't accept cards. This is in no way a comparison.
ETA: Holy run-on!
I am in no way comparing a night out at a bar to a wedding, as far as etiquette is concerned. What I am trying to get at is, in most cases you don't know it is a cash bar until you get there. If you know it is a cash bar before hand you would then be faced with a choice. I have a free Saturday night and I can either go to a bar or go to a wedding - in both instances I will have to buy my drinks. The point is, the only difference between a cash bar wedding and a night at the bar (ignoring etiquette) is that at a wedding....it is a wedding. I agree that you should be annoyed but by the time you realize it is annoying, you are already there and you might as well enjoy yourself (buying the drinks or not) and celebrate the marriage of those two people.
I'll throw my two cents in. My fiance and I are having an open bar; it's a part of the entire package. Yay us!
I have only been to a couple of weddings and one provided beer and wine and everything else was cash including the soda. I was completely taken aback by that BUT I didn't leave the wedding early for that. I love my friend and her family provided what they could and if this is the one etiquette mistake she makes of the whole wedding, which I think she did very well, I am not going to be angry about it and storm out. That just seems unnecessary and cruel.
PrettyGirlLost Clearly you took my response as an attack or pity or something other than what it was. Believe me, I agree with everything you said. I agree that they are rude and I agree that you should be budgeting properly. I do not agree that the cash bar is a determinant of the value of your presence. Your desire to be hosted properly is not ridiculous. I do think it is ridiculous to think that the hosts choice to have a cash bar equates them caring so little about you that you get very upset. I think you should get annoyed and irritated but not so upset that you think that they don't care about you as a guest at their wedding.
But people who have cash bars show that they don't care about their guests. They prioritized other things over their guests: budget allocation and/or a desire to have booze at their wedding. That is a clear message that the hosts care more about other things than their guests. A cash bar tells guests that either they were an afterthought whose comfort wasn't considered until the rest of the budget was spent or that their comfort was considered and the hosts just don't give a shit.
Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
@bubbles053009 I am breaking this long quote chain
Why leave early? Because it is rude or because you cannot have a good time? I find leaving either way to be rude because I do not think that a cash bar is a sign that the couple doesn't want you there. Judge all you want out of the couple but letting that ruin your night is just sad. I like to look at the positive. Either way, it is a Saturday night and if you were at the wedding or at a bar you would have to pay for your own drinks at this point. You're at the wedding so you might as well celebrate with people who clearly wanted you there badly enough that they invited you. Judge them, then enjoy yourself.
But it's a wedding... not a bar. If I'm going to the bar I'm expecting them to charge me for my drinks because it's a business. I will have money on me and will be expecting to spend it. If I'm going to a wedding, I'm giving my family and friends the benefit of the doubt that they will host me correctly and I won't have to open my wallet. I probably won't have cash on me, and any cash bar I've been to doesn't accept cards. This is in no way a comparison.
ETA: Holy run-on!
I am in no way comparing a night out at a bar to a wedding, as far as etiquette is concerned. What I am trying to get at is, in most cases you don't know it is a cash bar until you get there. If you know it is a cash bar before hand you would then be faced with a choice. I have a free Saturday night and I can either go to a bar or go to a wedding - in both instances I will have to buy my drinks. The point is, the only difference between a cash bar wedding and a night at the bar (ignoring etiquette) is that at a wedding....it is a wedding. I agree that you should be annoyed but by the time you realize it is annoying, you are already there and you might as well enjoy yourself (buying the drinks or not) and celebrate the marriage of those two people.
I don't think anyone has said they would storm out. But at least for me, I would certainly think far less of the couple if there was a cash bar.
Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
@bubbles053009 I am breaking this long quote chain Why leave early? Because it is rude or because you cannot have a good time? I find leaving either way to be rude because I do not think that a cash bar is a sign that the couple doesn't want you there. Judge all you want out of the couple but letting that ruin your night is just sad. I like to look at the positive. Either way, it is a Saturday night and if you were at the wedding or at a bar you would have to pay for your own drinks at this point. You're at the wedding so you might as well celebrate with people who clearly wanted you there badly enough that they invited you. Judge them, then enjoy yourself.
Look, even if i was to leave early, it's not like I'd go stomping out the second I realized there was a cash bar. I would respectfully wait until after the cake was cut and served before leaving. And honestly, plenty of people leave after the cake cutting regardless of the bar situaiton. That is not rude - it's just that some people don't want to sit and watch people dancing for several hours; some people do not stay up that late; some people have to get home to relieve their baby sitters; there are a ton of perfectly legitimate reasons to leave a reception before the official end time. That is not rude.
If i see that there is a cash bar, then yes, I would immediately feel slighted and like the bride and groom cared more about themselves having a good time than about their guests having a good time. As such, I doubt that my departure post-cake-cutting would even be noticed. If i was so important that I NEEDED to be there for all of the dancing, I wouldn't have had to open my wallet at a party whose function is to thank me (and the other guests) for supporting the bride and groom's relationship. I wouldn't leave early because I HAVE TO HAVE BOOZE RIGHT NOW. I would leave early because I would feel slighted by the party's hosts.
Rather than replying to everyone, I am just going to make a general post.
Let me clarify: I am in NO WAY approving of cash bars. At all. I am not having one, I think they are rude, inappropriate, ridiculous and every other criticism in the book.
What I am trying to get at here is, regardless of your feelings towards them, try to look at the positive. Throw some shade, give side eye, talk about them behind their backs, judge them, do whatever you want. But don't let it ruin your time so much so that you feel you need to leave early or that you cannot have a good time. You are not at a bar, you are at a wedding and regardless of how many etiquette rules were broken there is cake, dancing, and hopefully some good food. Have a good time.
ETA: I also said nothing about storming out. I also did not say that it is rude to leave a wedding early. There are plenty of reasons to leave early and the majority are legitimate. I just think that saying a cash bar will ruin your time so much that you need to leave early is rude. I think that, while breaking etiquette, it is not something so major that your entire vision of the wedding is ruined.
@bubbles053009 I am breaking this long quote chain
Why leave early? Because it is rude or because you cannot have a good time? I find leaving either way to be rude because I do not think that a cash bar is a sign that the couple doesn't want you there. Judge all you want out of the couple but letting that ruin your night is just sad. I like to look at the positive. Either way, it is a Saturday night and if you were at the wedding or at a bar you would have to pay for your own drinks at this point. You're at the wedding so you might as well celebrate with people who clearly wanted you there badly enough that they invited you. Judge them, then enjoy yourself.
But it's a wedding... not a bar. If I'm going to the bar I'm expecting them to charge me for my drinks because it's a business. I will have money on me and will be expecting to spend it. If I'm going to a wedding, I'm giving my family and friends the benefit of the doubt that they will host me correctly and I won't have to open my wallet. I probably won't have cash on me, and any cash bar I've been to doesn't accept cards. This is in no way a comparison.
ETA: Holy run-on!
I am in no way comparing a night out at a bar to a wedding, as far as etiquette is concerned. What I am trying to get at is, in most cases you don't know it is a cash bar until you get there. If you know it is a cash bar before hand you would then be faced with a choice. I have a free Saturday night and I can either go to a bar or go to a wedding - in both instances I will have to buy my drinks. The point is, the only difference between a cash bar wedding and a night at the bar (ignoring etiquette) is that at a wedding....it is a wedding. I agree that you should be annoyed but by the time you realize it is annoying, you are already there and you might as well enjoy yourself (buying the drinks or not) and celebrate the marriage of those two people.
I'll still enjoy it, but I will be irritated the fact that the couple is asking me to fund an event to which they invited me. They are treating me like a bar patron, not a guest.
Rather than replying to everyone, I am just going to make a general post.
Let me clarify: I am in NO WAY approving of cash bars. At all. I am not having one, I think they are rude, inappropriate, ridiculous and every other criticism in the book.
What I am trying to get at here is, regardless of your feelings towards them, try to look at the positive. Throw some shade, give side eye, talk about them behind their backs, judge them, do whatever you want. But don't let it ruin your time so much so that you feel you need to leave early or that you cannot have a good time. You are not at a bar, you are at a wedding and regardless of how many etiquette rules were broken there is cake, dancing, and hopefully some good food. Have a good time.
ETA: I also said nothing about storming out. I also did not say that it is rude to leave a wedding early. There are plenty of reasons to leave early and the majority are legitimate. I just think that saying a cash bar will ruin your time so much that you need to leave early is rude. I think that, while breaking etiquette, it is not something so major that your entire vision of the wedding is ruined.
Correction, you are having a partial cash bar because according to the venues in your area of MA it's a liability issue to have an open bar for the entire night.
Say what? That doesn't even remotely make sense. The venue and bartenders should hold liability no matter who is paying for the drinks.
Re: Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place
I would, however, leave after the cake was served at a wedding with a cash bar. When you start charging for things, some people will get to buy more than others. It becomes unequal based on your guests' budgets, which is offensive. Everyone should have access to the same amount of provisions at your wedding.
And it's not about "having to run out to satisfy my choice to drink alcohol." I would just go home and go to bed. It's not about the alcohol. It's about the poor etiquette. Your guests shouldn't have to open their wallets at an event you are hosting. Period. I would have a lovely time at a dry wedding, and I wouldn't leave early because of a lack of booze. It's not about the booze. It's about the choice. Having a cash bar says "my guests' comfort wasn't as important to me as other items in my budget, like my dress." I'm not interesting in being friendly with selfish people.
Not saying I would decline a wedding with a cash bar, and typically you don't find out until it is too late, but I find those events irritating and it makes me think a bit less of the person. No, they don't get a pass because they are family or friends, it makes it all the more irritating.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I have been to both a dry wedding and cash bar and I was the most bored at a cash bar. The dry wedding was fun. We had lots of good food, and non-alcoholic drinks. We all sat around and talked and had a good time.
The cash bar, on the other hand, worst wedding ever. I've already talked about that wedding here, so suffice to say that everything but soda was cash bar (including water). We were on a boat with no ATM so if you didn't bring any cash, you were out of luck. They ran out of everything (including the food) and as soon as we docked, we went out to dinner (even though the wedding had included "dinner"). To this day, I have never told my cousin what a terrible time we had. So bad in fact, that I thought about jumping off the boat and swimming to shore earlier in the night.
I actually agree with this, generally. However, I fail entirely to see a cultural context in which requiring guests to pay for their own refreshment at a party I am hosting is polite.
I actually agree with this, generally. However, I fail entirely to see a cultural context in which requiring guests to pay for their own refreshment at a party I am hosting is polite.
@LDay2014 - i love you. thank you for clarifying that everyone who brow-beats us that "IT'S DIFFERENT IN CANADA" isn't actually correct. I didn't want to believe that cash bars were cool in Canada, but I've never been to a Canadian wedding, so I had no standing to confirm or deny that. All i could say was "the least rude thing is for the bar to be hosted fully and for the guests to not have to pay for anything" which is true everywhere.
Just because people do it doesn't make it right.
CN's on the other thread was that the reception is viewed as a party, every party is BYOB, a cash bar to me is just an extension of that.
Also in Canada our booze is about double-triple the price of in the states, our liquor laws don't allow for a per person price, (If I had the option of having an open bar for $30 a person I would jump at it!)
We are looking in to having a Toonie Bar. (Loonie is $1, Toonie is $2)
Also Ontario has less stringent laws than the rest of Canada (including NB,NS)
UGGG This is why I wasn't going to comment...
I determine the value of my presence on whether or not I am properly hosted at an event that is in my honor, yes, absolutely.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Look, even if i was to leave early, it's not like I'd go stomping out the second I realized there was a cash bar. I would respectfully wait until after the cake was cut and served before leaving. And honestly, plenty of people leave after the cake cutting regardless of the bar situaiton. That is not rude - it's just that some people don't want to sit and watch people dancing for several hours; some people do not stay up that late; some people have to get home to relieve their baby sitters; there are a ton of perfectly legitimate reasons to leave a reception before the official end time. That is not rude.
If i see that there is a cash bar, then yes, I would immediately feel slighted and like the bride and groom cared more about themselves having a good time than about their guests having a good time. As such, I doubt that my departure post-cake-cutting would even be noticed. If i was so important that I NEEDED to be there for all of the dancing, I wouldn't have had to open my wallet at a party whose function is to thank me (and the other guests) for supporting the bride and groom's relationship. I wouldn't leave early because I HAVE TO HAVE BOOZE RIGHT NOW. I would leave early because I would feel slighted by the party's hosts.