Registering and Gifts

Honey Funds- To do or not to do, that is the question??

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Re: Honey Funds- To do or not to do, that is the question??

  • frostanddewfrostanddew
    First Comment
    member
    edited January 2014
    @ mkrourke that's the best idea I've heard on the subject yet
  • Hey, I know people on here right very "matter-of-factly," to me I think it comes across a little cold. So first, I would like to say congrats! Secondly, although asking for a contribution to a honeymoon fund could be perceived by your guests as tacky, there are other options. Like some people said a small "upgrade" registry is a great idea, but also you can go unconventional and keep it classy. Such as: simpleregistry.com (random items), honeyfund.com (for the for mentioned topic), card avenue (gift cards), or charity (have them erect a water source for thirsty peeps in y'all's name). There is a cute buzzfeed about it just google unconventional registries. LASTLY, your wedding is your wedding if your having a little special get together with close family and friends who know you 'bidness' than I think it's your call to ask that group of people funding whether it be future children's college fund or a new home. I think you just have to be careful and decisive about the type of people your inviting. Oh and provide that card box girl ;) just make sure you properly thank everyone.
    LinzMariee
  • Also, we've decided to have a very small wedding and we want to travel and buy a house this next year. I think if we did decide to register for a honeymoon it would be appropriate. I think it also provides a neat way for you to write your giver a story about their gift. On the honeymoon registry sites you don't have to register for an entire honeymoon. We could decide to go to a resort in the caymans and pay for the trip ourselves and then you can give your guests an extra registry to buy a bottle of wine, a couples message, or an activity. My fiancé and I love the outdoors and I know my family would love to buy something like an excursion and get to hear all about our adventure when we get home. I really don't understand why some people on here are so harsh with their messages. I could play devils advocate and say that it's tacky, but I wouldn't cut someone down for asking a question or sharing an opinion. Play nice girls, we're all here to listen and share respectfully.
    LinzMariee
  • ljbyrnes04ljbyrnes04
    Second Anniversary First Comment
    member
    edited January 2014
    mobkaz said:
    People are so quick to mark these things as "TACKY! NO QUESTION!" without any thought. There are so many couples (including me and my fiancé) that have been together for so long and don't need much more in our home. We would never insist on people getting us a gift at all, but if they would like to spend money on us in addition to what they're paying to be able to attend then I don't think it's unreasonable to allow them the option to fund your dream honeymoon! The only way this could be tacky is if you're lying and actual use the money for something else. We can definitely afford our own honeymoon, however I think anyone would love to be able to help you have an even better time (better food, more excursions, etc) if possible! You just have to be truthful and tell your guests out-right how it works and whether there are fees associated with giving towards your honeymoon fund. For us, we're using HoneyFund and there is the option of allowing the guest to "purchase" part of the trip, and then they simply write you a check and print out a sort of "gift certificate" for what they would like you to use the money for. The website does not take any percentage of that gift, but if you choose to allow your guests to use their credit card or whatever, then of course there's fees associated with that. It's only if you don't inform your guests of these things that you're being rude/deceitful I think. 
    To the bolded, that has actually been done before, and the bride bragged about it.  Lying, on several levels, has also been encouraged on these boards by ill mannered and misinformed brides.  One bride bragged about returning gifts to get the cash.  MANY brides lie about their marital status to have PPD's.

    Rather than spend the time informing guests about hidden fees and charges, why not just use word of mouth that you are saving up for a honeymoon.  My daughter was gifted a few experiences on her honeymoon.  The gift giver made direct phone calls and purchases to the experience venue itself.  Not difficult to do.  This is not rocket science.  
    Just because there exists people who will be deceitful with the money doesn't mean it's wrong for honest people to ask for contributions to their honeymoon! Even you have said that people getting physical gifts can return them and use the money for something else if they choose, so what's the difference there? I see it as a true gift and will use the money for exactly what I said I would, so I see nothing wrong with it. I'm not forcing people to gift us anything, but I have found after talking to people that they would rather be able to give something more tangible, and if we don't need many tangible gifts (blenders, towels, etc) then why not give them the option to label their gift as a gift towards our honeymoon, especially if I'm truly going to use it for that? Like I said, no body is obligated to give us a gift and we make that very clear, but I don't see what's wrong about letting them know the kinds of gifts we would like (as you would in a normal registry by putting specific items). People like to feel that their gift means something more than just a larger bank balance, they want it to mean something to you as a couple so I think letting them contribute to your honeymoon experience is a great way to do that. 
  • If you're a WASP, living in the Midwest, directly giving money at a wedding is usually considered thoughtless and rude.

    My honeymoon registry is through my travel agent, so all the things listed are what we actually plan to use the money on.

    We're also registered online and at a brick and mortar store.


  • Then spend the money on a dinner on the beach.
  • lbickle said:
    If you're a WASP, living in the Midwest, directly giving money at a wedding is usually considered thoughtless and rude.

    My honeymoon registry is through my travel agent, so all the things listed are what we actually plan to use the money on.

    We're also registered online and at a brick and mortar store.


    I know plenty of WASPs that live in the midwest who exclusively give cash as wedding presents.

    And asking money via a honeymoon registry is still asking for money.  So assuming your first sentence were true, giving to a honeymoon registry would still be thoughtless and rude.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    lbickle said:
    If you're a WASP, living in the Midwest, directly giving money at a wedding is usually considered thoughtless and rude.

    My honeymoon registry is through my travel agent, so all the things listed are what we actually plan to use the money on.

    We're also registered online and at a brick and mortar store.


    Congratulations on being offensive and generalizing in one sentence.
    doeydoNYCMercedesPrettyGirlLost
  • lbicklelbickle
    First Comment
    member
    edited January 2014

    NYCBruin said:
    lbickle said:
    If you're a WASP, living in the Midwest, directly giving money at a wedding is usually considered thoughtless and rude.

    My honeymoon registry is through my travel agent, so all the things listed are what we actually plan to use the money on.

    We're also registered online and at a brick and mortar store.


    I know plenty of WASPs that live in the midwest who exclusively give cash as wedding presents.

    And asking money via a honeymoon registry is still asking for money.  So assuming your first sentence were true, giving to a honeymoon registry would still be thoughtless and rude.
    I want a vacuum.  I could go buy a vacuum, but instead I'll tell the store that I want a vacuum and somebody else buys the vacuum.  

    I'd also like whiskey tasting while I'm on my honeymoon.  I tell the travel agent that I want to go to a whiskey tasting.  Somebody else gives the travel agent money, and the travel agent pays for the whiskey tasting reservation with the money.

    If the honeymoon registry wasn't through a travel agent, then I'd pay for the whiskey tasting with the money.  Someone shouldn't have to spring for a travel agent to be able to share the honeymoon planning with their guests.

    And they are guests; they are allowed to be a little rude.  But, a bride shouldn't require her guests to break those kind of etiquette rules.
  • mobkaz said:
    lbickle said:
    If you're a WASP, living in the Midwest, directly giving money at a wedding is usually considered thoughtless and rude.

    My honeymoon registry is through my travel agent, so all the things listed are what we actually plan to use the money on.

    We're also registered online and at a brick and mortar store.


    Congratulations on being offensive and generalizing in one sentence.
    And they are guests; they are allowed to be a little rude.  But, a bride shouldn't require her guests to break those kind of etiquette rules.
  • lbickle said:
    mobkaz said:
    lbickle said:
    If you're a WASP, living in the Midwest, directly giving money at a wedding is usually considered thoughtless and rude.

    My honeymoon registry is through my travel agent, so all the things listed are what we actually plan to use the money on.

    We're also registered online and at a brick and mortar store.


    Congratulations on being offensive and generalizing in one sentence.
    And they are guests; they are allowed to be a little rude.  But, a bride shouldn't require her guests to break those kind of etiquette rules.
    How on earth does not registering break etiquette?  If you don't want boxed gifts, don't register.  There is nothing rude about giving cash.  If a guest feels uncomfortable giving cash, then they can give you a boxed gift whether you registered or not.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    doeydo
  • sry&jcd said:
     I think it also provides a neat way for you to write your giver a story about their gift.
      Could you not write that same story if someone wrote you a check and then you took the check and spent it on a vacation?  "Thanks so much for your generous gift! It helped pay for an amazing swim with the dolphins in Mexico! "
    doeydoMaggie0829
  • I actually just created a honeyfund. The neat thing about it is that it gives your guests the option to apply towards a certain reason, like airfair or swimming with the dolphins. I think that as long as you tell your guests what the honeyfund it about it is fine. Like you me and my fiance already live together and have tons of stuff. Sure you can upgrade some things which is what we did also from BBB but why register for things that you really don't need just to appease the crowds? I would rather my guests know that I am or did enjoy their gift. Plus registering for items that you want and doing a honeyfund gives your guests an option...if they don't want to give to it they don't have to. It's your wedding, and you know your guests better than anyone posting on this site, so do what is best for your guests, your budget, and your wedding...enjoy!
  • It doesn't charge your guest a fee...it charges you the fee. The honeyfund will take money out of what you get, not tack it on to your guest. So if your Aunt gives you $50 that is what she is charged though YOU might only get $48
    mchuskerfan
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    jeberry said:

    I actually just created a honeyfund. The neat thing about it is that it gives your guests the option to apply towards a certain reason, like airfair or swimming with the dolphins. I think that as long as you tell your guests what the honeyfund it about it is fine. Like you me and my fiance already live together and have tons of stuff. Sure you can upgrade some things which is what we did also from BBB but why register for things that you really don't need just to appease the crowds? I would rather my guests know that I am or did enjoy their gift. Plus registering for items that you want and doing a honeyfund gives your guests an option...if they don't want to give to it they don't have to. It's your wedding, and you know your guests better than anyone posting on this site, so do what is best for your guests, your budget, and your wedding...enjoy!

    Why not get 3% less money by using a site that assumes your guests are too fucking stupid to write a check?
    image



    Anniversary
    doeydoMaggie0829RebeccaB88
  • In the end, do what you feel and stand by it. Who gives a shit what other people think. If it works for you and makes your life easier then rock on.

    My Fiance and I are getting married in October and have been approached by his and my family numerous times already asking what we wanted/needed. Since we are simple folk we said nothing just for you to be there. After saying this for the 50th time I realized this might be a stressful response for some people because we don't need anything therefore have not registered anywhere and won't be either. So about a month ago my fiance's mother suggested the idea of a honeymoon registry, I had never really thought of it before and it didn't seem like a a bad idea to offer that as an option instead of saying nothing when people asked. Now after reading these posts I feel like we made the right choice because making people feel stressed or worried trying to think of something to get us is worse than being "tacky" by simply offering an alternative to cash or check in a card. There is nothing wrong with it. I wouldn't have thought of it on my own but it seems like a pretty decent idea.



    LinzMariee
  • jeberry said:
    It doesn't charge your guest a fee...it charges you the fee. The honeyfund will take money out of what you get, not tack it on to your guest. So if your Aunt gives you $50 that is what she is charged though YOU might only get $48
    Maybe if you stopped paying pointless fees, you could save enough money to pay for your honeymoon yourself instead of begging your guests to.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    chibiyuiRebeccaB88PrettyGirlLostSKPM
  • "Once you invite guests, it's not your wedding anymore."

    Really? Who's wedding is it once you invite guests? Theirs? I am inviting guests to our wedding, I hope it's still ours when we get there, or that will be a rude surprise! I am pretty sure my guests would like to show up to our wedding as well, so I don't really understand that statement.  Since we (the bride and groom) are planning and paying for our wedding, It would follow that we are, in fact, doing we (the bride and groom) want. Now, whether our guests like what we have planned is an entirely different question, but you will never please everyone. 

    Do what you think fits you and your fiance best. Most of your guests will think it fits you too.


    LinzMariee
  • Congrats on you engagement! As for your question, personally I wouldn't do it, for the same reasons already listed. More importantly, I was raised not to ask for money. To the young lady that wanted to know if we're in our "40s"...the answer is yes...I'm 43, my fiancé is 32, we're paying for our own wedding & our own honeymoon even if it means our honeymoon waits for sometime after the wedding or we just go away for the weekend. I'd rather elope than ask my guests for money. Like many, we live together & don't really need anything so we're simply not registering for anything. If our guests give us cash, cool. If our guests give us a gift they think we'll like, cool. If they give us nothing, that's cool too. We're getting married because we love each other not because we expect our friends & family to foot the bill. Just my two cents...
    RebeccaB88LinzMarieeMNVegasKauris
  • Ah.... I never thought of it like that at all.
  • I agree, we could very well use some upgrades!! Appreciate your feed back :)
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Well, this is obviously a new thing to me, never been married or engaged. The reason I had asked is honestly i have had people mention it and apart of me thinks yea I can see how that is tacky and another part of me doesn't think that way at all. I have given to friends that had honeyfunds and it did't bother me or make me think they were tacky in the slightest bit. I was just curious on peoples thoughts and feed back really :) Figured it didn't hurt to ask and being new to the knot i didn't even know how to search for honeyfunds posts so i thought what the hell lol :) ty for your response!!
  • Thank you, congrats to you as well!!
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