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**Updated** NWR: I think I may have been drugged.

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Re: **Updated** NWR: I think I may have been drugged.

  • Did you file a police report or something? If the host fails to contact you back maybe it would be best to state he should be expecting a visit from the police. His behavior seems suspicious to me, like he knows who did it or was involved...unfortunately.
    I did not file a police report. I discussed it with the sexual assault nurse and decided at the time that because I couldn't confirm that anything untoward had happened (other than the drug), there wouldn't be much for them to go on. I don't know the names of everyone at the party, I remember very little, and no one else seems to have seen anything suspicious. They'd pretty much only have my word, saying that I was drugged. I also kinda just want to put it behind me and move forward, but I'm having trouble doing that when I don't have all of the information I could have.


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  • I really hope you get the answers you deserve. It's odd that the host of the party isn't getting back to you. Even a simple, that's awful, I hope you are ok would make more sense than complete radio silence. Are you friends with the girlfriend?
  • LuvBird29 said:
    I really hope you get the answers you deserve. It's odd that the host of the party isn't getting back to you. Even a simple, that's awful, I hope you are ok would make more sense than complete radio silence. Are you friends with the girlfriend?
    The girlfriend and I are friendly when we see each other, but not friends, per se. I had sent her a message on Facebook on Sunday morning, apologizing for being a drunken mess the night before (this was before I realized that I wasn't going to remember anything and suspected being drugged), but I haven't heard anything back from her. My guess is that if he's not going to say anything, she won't, either.


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  • FiancB said:
    I hate to say it but I would be very suspicious of the host. It usually isn't a stranger...

    I hope you're doing okay. 
    You're right -- it's not usually a stranger. There was also a guy there (friend of a friend, whom I did not expect to be present that night) who has tried to put the moves on me previously, so I'm really hoping that he didn't come near me.


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    RebeccaB88PrettyGirlLost
  • Just wanted to say I am keeping you and your Fi in my thoughts. No one should have to deal with this and I hope that you both find a healthy way to work through it. I'm so very sorry pumpkin.
    pumpkinsandturkeysmisscoffeeplease
  •  

    Did you file a police report or something? If the host fails to contact you back maybe it would be best to state he should be expecting a visit from the police. His behavior seems suspicious to me, like he knows who did it or was involved...unfortunately.
    I did not file a police report. I discussed it with the sexual assault nurse and decided at the time that because I couldn't confirm that anything untoward had happened (other than the drug), there wouldn't be much for them to go on. I don't know the names of everyone at the party, I remember very little, and no one else seems to have seen anything suspicious. They'd pretty much only have my word, saying that I was drugged. I also kinda just want to put it behind me and move forward, but I'm having trouble doing that when I don't have all of the information I could have.


    Well its more than your words, its also the drug report. Honestly, I don't think its up to you to present evidence  to the police. It is their job to come up with more evidence than just your word. You don't need to have a full court case before you file a police report. Honestly I think in most crimes, its just your word on the police report. When you call and say you got robbed, at that moment its just your word. I really think you should reconsider and file a police report. Especially because you might find out more information as time goes on.

    Also, I echo the many other posters sending thoughts and hugs your way. I'm very sorry about the situation.

    I respect that, and understand where you're coming from. I'm just not there yet.

    I did discuss it with the SA nurse, and she told me that filing a report now would result in it being active for 6 months. After that, it will be closed if there is no resolution.

    However, the hospital system will keep all of my statements and test results on file, along with all of the doctors' findings. There is a period of time where I can go back and choose to file a report at a later date, using that information to support my statements. I know it will make things more difficult if I choose this road later on, but I'm just not ready to go down it yet.

    I also know how our police force tends to work around here. I was once stalked and chased by a stranger in a public place, and even filing an incident report with the police here was near-impossible. Actually having an officer come to take a statement in person proved even more challenging -- they kept saying they were sending someone, and I spent countless days and nights waiting for them and they never showed. We eventually had to close the incident report as a result.

    I'm not generally one to give up, especially when it comes to things of this nature. I'm just honestly drained at this point. I don't have the energy for it. It may be a cop-out, but it's how I feel.


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  •  

    Did you file a police report or something? If the host fails to contact you back maybe it would be best to state he should be expecting a visit from the police. His behavior seems suspicious to me, like he knows who did it or was involved...unfortunately.
    I did not file a police report. I discussed it with the sexual assault nurse and decided at the time that because I couldn't confirm that anything untoward had happened (other than the drug), there wouldn't be much for them to go on. I don't know the names of everyone at the party, I remember very little, and no one else seems to have seen anything suspicious. They'd pretty much only have my word, saying that I was drugged. I also kinda just want to put it behind me and move forward, but I'm having trouble doing that when I don't have all of the information I could have.


    Well its more than your words, its also the drug report. Honestly, I don't think its up to you to present evidence  to the police. It is their job to come up with more evidence than just your word. You don't need to have a full court case before you file a police report. Honestly I think in most crimes, its just your word on the police report. When you call and say you got robbed, at that moment its just your word. I really think you should reconsider and file a police report. Especially because you might find out more information as time goes on.

    Also, I echo the many other posters sending thoughts and hugs your way. I'm very sorry about the situation.

    I respect that, and understand where you're coming from. I'm just not there yet.

    I did discuss it with the SA nurse, and she told me that filing a report now would result in it being active for 6 months. After that, it will be closed if there is no resolution.

    However, the hospital system will keep all of my statements and test results on file, along with all of the doctors' findings. There is a period of time where I can go back and choose to file a report at a later date, using that information to support my statements. I know it will make things more difficult if I choose this road later on, but I'm just not ready to go down it yet.

    I also know how our police force tends to work around here. I was once stalked and chased by a stranger in a public place, and even filing an incident report with the police here was near-impossible. Actually having an officer come to take a statement in person proved even more challenging -- they kept saying they were sending someone, and I spent countless days and nights waiting for them and they never showed. We eventually had to close the incident report as a result.

    I'm not generally one to give up, especially when it comes to things of this nature. I'm just honestly drained at this point. I don't have the energy for it. It may be a cop-out, but it's how I feel.
    Its completely understandable that you feel that way. I just wanted to mention it in case the sole reason you weren't filing was because you felt like there wasn't enough evidence. Keep getting support and help, and cross that bridge if/when you are ready.

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    pumpkinsandturkeysMrsDeRuyter87PrettyGirlLost
  • Just told my FI about this and he confirmed your FI is snapping because he'd want to kill anyone that hurt you and feel responsible for not being there to protect you.  A guy's perspective if you need one.  He also suggested for him to see a counselor.  He sends hugs and prayers, too. 

    On the police report, people remember things more when it's closer to the date.  So if you want them to investigate, it would probably be wiser for them to start now.  Their sexual assault team might be better than the experience you've had before.
    pumpkinsandturkeysRebeccaB88GlitterWitch22misscoffeeplease
  • I'm also really pissed at your friends.  They thought it was weird you passed out so quick so they put you alone in a room unattended for 3 hours?????  I don't care what the situation is, wether it's suspicious or even just because someone just had a few too many- you do not leave an otherwise incapacitated person alone like that.  You check on them periodically to make sure they are still ok- even if someone's just really too drunk they could be in danger of vomiting in their sleep and suffocating on it.  Not to mention if you were knocked out so quickly, something was CLEARLY wrong, and they should have been keeping an eye on you to make sure you didn't need to go to the ER.  

    It is absolutely not ok that nobody was there to take care of you, not even to check on you and see if you needed water.  I know this isn't something you're going to want to worry about now because you have plenty of other things on your mind, but in the future I would reconsider these friendships.  

    Also if there is a skinning party I am in, whoever drugged you is pure shit and a waste of the oxygen they breathe.  
    Two sets of friends say that they did check on me periodically (maybe every hour or so), but that's still not acceptable to me. I won't be going to any more parties (other than tame dinner parties) for a while, and when I do decide to be more social again, I'm not going anywhere without FI or one of my two best girlfriends, whom I know wouldn't do that to me.


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    MrsDeRuyter87HaileyDancingbearJaniV123PrettyGirlLost
  • Count me in the "angry at your friends" camp.  I totally judge them.  I would never EVER leave a passed-out friend in a bedroom at a party.  Especially if I thought it was weird and she hadn't had much to drink.  The DD in particular should have taken care of you or brought you home.  And I absolutely put at least some responsibility on the host of the party who isn't getting back to you.  At the very least, he invited somebody dangerous into his home.

    I'll join the angry brides skinning party if we find the perpetrator.  Although I agree skinning is pretty gross, I'd rather punch somebody in the face.

    And Fi also sends thoughts and prayers.  He asked why I was so riveted by TK, and he's furious for you, too.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    RebeccaB88pumpkinsandturkeysCokezerofreakPrettyGirlLost
  • Yeah I'm in the angry at the friends camp to. It be one thing if you had been heavily drinking and they had you lay down but you hadn't had much to drink. You'd think they would be worried you were sick or something at least. I just can't imagine putting one of my friends who had passed out in a bedroom and only checking on them occasionally. Especially if not everyone in the house was a person we all super trusted.
    pumpkinsandturkeysCokezerofreak
  • I'm also really pissed at your friends.  They thought it was weird you passed out so quick so they put you alone in a room unattended for 3 hours?????  I don't care what the situation is, wether it's suspicious or even just because someone just had a few too many- you do not leave an otherwise incapacitated person alone like that.  You check on them periodically to make sure they are still ok- even if someone's just really too drunk they could be in danger of vomiting in their sleep and suffocating on it.  Not to mention if you were knocked out so quickly, something was CLEARLY wrong, and they should have been keeping an eye on you to make sure you didn't need to go to the ER.  

    It is absolutely not ok that nobody was there to take care of you, not even to check on you and see if you needed water.  I know this isn't something you're going to want to worry about now because you have plenty of other things on your mind, but in the future I would reconsider these friendships.  

    Also if there is a skinning party I am in, whoever drugged you is pure shit and a waste of the oxygen they breathe.  
    Two sets of friends say that they did check on me periodically (maybe every hour or so), but that's still not acceptable to me. I won't be going to any more parties (other than tame dinner parties) for a while, and when I do decide to be more social again, I'm not going anywhere without FI or one of my two best girlfriends, whom I know wouldn't do that to me.
    I understand this. I don't go without MH to parties or bars anymore either. I was jumped at a bar in October by 3 girls, completely unwarranted. I was luckily to have made it out with minimal injures. MH wasn't there and the girls I was with were not the jump in to a fight kinda of girls. 
    pumpkinsandturkeys
  • Just read this so would like to put my thoughts toward you healing. Glad to hear you are thinking about counseling, it's a terrible thing that happened and I hope you are surrounded with the comfort of good people in the future. Hugs.
    pumpkinsandturkeys
  • Did you file a police report or something? If the host fails to contact you back maybe it would be best to state he should be expecting a visit from the police. His behavior seems suspicious to me, like he knows who did it or was involved...unfortunately.

    I would absolutely in no uncertain terms file a police report. You need a starting point to begin the process of holding someone accountable. If your "friend" who had the party is involved in some way (I sure hope he isn't), then he needs to face the consequences. His radio silence on the subject is a huge red flag to me. My best guy friend would be going house to house with a baseball bat until he found who it was, if that had happened to me. If he's your friend, he would say something. Was there no DNA evidence to collect at the exam? I am so sorry about this, and I, as a woman, am furious for you.
    MyNameIsNotCokezerofreakPrettyGirlLostashley8918
  • FiancB said:

    I just saw your post that said you told your manager what happened. I was hoping you would. You are so brave. So many people, myself included, would crawl up into a hole and not seek help or support. 


    I know you aren't planning on making a case out of it since it's not possible to prove who did it, and that's understandable, but it sort of sounds like you have a couple main suspects and I wonder if it would be possible to have a cop talk to them. Nothing would really come of it but I'd like to see the shit scared out of them at least. 

    But if that would just make things difficult or if it would feel like dragging yourself through the mud and you don't want to, that's ok too. xoxo
    ^all of this^
    Your story sounds almost identical to mine from a few years back. Tere were a few guys I suspected and while there was nothing that came from the police report besides them being questioned I liketo think if nothing else it scared the shit out of them enough to make whoever it was not try this shit again in the future.
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    pumpkinsandturkeysMrsDeRuyter87Cokezerofreak
  • I second the police report. Perhaps your friends / coworkers / guests of the party will be more cooperative when they have detectives grilling them. Its likely someone you know. And more than likely this person will attempt it again whether on you or someone else.
    RebeccaB88Cokezerofreak
  • You have lots of good advice on here and I just want to add my regrets that this has happened to you, and many hugs as  you get through this.

    You are a remarkably brave woman.  Truly.  As pp stated, many, many women do not report this but you have the courage to face the unknown.  That is remarkable by any standard.

    I am glad you guys are going to do counseling. As I was sitting here reading this I am thinking first of you - you need your FI to lean on and to be your rock.  He is angry and probably feels quite guilty he wasn't there to protect you.  As I think of  him - he greatly needs someone to be there for him to figure this out.  That is a counselor and I hope you guys are able to see someone asap so you get through this journey and find that place where you look forward to tomorrow.

    I am so sorry.
    pumpkinsandturkeysHisGirlFriday13CokezerofreakPrettyGirlLost
  • I know you just want it all to go away, and none of us blame you for that. But you have the chance to keep this from happening to someone else. Or help give a voice to someone else who survived it. There could be a predator on the loose.
    afox007Cokezerofreak
  • edited January 2014
    Update #6354: I just spoke with the host of the party. Holy effing shitballs, I'm RAGINGGGG.

    Long story short: he initially didn't seem to believe me. He said I was perfectly fine when I left and was even smiling (doubtful, and I clearly was NOT fine), and that I woke up on my own when they turned on the light in the room (which, apparently, also means 'fine'?).

    I called him out on that being bullshit, and recounted my lovely hospital experience. He stated that there was no way that happened at his house. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, and because I messaged him the next morning and didn't say, "I was drugged", he basically doesn't believe it.

    I defended myself again and pretty much told him his head is up his ass. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone right now -- I'm just laying out the facts. Facts which cannot be refuted. He said he can vouch for everyone who was there and doesn't want to get involved. He also said, "they only did a drug test?" and "they're only saying you were drugged right?"  ONLY? No, that's not the ONLY test they did. I wasn't "only" drugged. I was drugged. At your house. Maybe show some fucking sympathy (he didn't, even when I called him out on it).

    I laid into him a little more about being in denial and defending the person who did this instead of putting himself in my shoes and trying to understand how I feel. He stopped answering after that.

    ETF: his head is up HIS ass, not mine. Silly autocorrect.


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  • As hard as it would be I would go back to the house and see if I could look through the trash. I am assuming they did not find any evidence bc if there was an assault the perpetuator used a condom - so I would want to see if there was a condom in the trash. Assuming the host is not the perpetrator or protecting them, it would be worth checking to see. If you found one it would be easy to test for your DNA and show it was the one used.

    I'm so sorry. I have been drugged too, I only had one drink at the bar and then we went back to my friend's. I could barely walk, I was like a rag doll. Fortunately nothing happened - bc my friend kicked the guy out of her house, it was her roommate's friend. He was on top of me and I knew what was happening, but I had no muscle control and couldn't fight him off. She took me up to a bedroom and I woke up the next morning half in the bed, half out - I couldn't even get myself into the bed. It's so scary how often it happens. I'm so sorry, I hate that this happened to you.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    Drewsgirl31MadHops21PrettyGirlLost
  • Update #6354: I just spoke with the host of the party. Holy effing shitballs, I'm RAGINGGGG.


    Long story short: he initially didn't seem to believe me. He said I was perfectly fine when I left and was even smiling (doubtful, and I clearly was NOT fine), and that I woke up on my own when they turned on the light in the room (which, apparently, also means 'fine'?).

    I called him out on that being bullshit, and recounted my lovely hospital experience. He stated that there was no way that happened at his house. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, and because I messaged him the next morning and didn't say, "I was drugged", he basically doesn't believe it.

    I defended myself again and pretty much told him his head is up my ass. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone right now -- I'm just laying out the facts. Facts which cannot be refuted. He said he can vouch for everyone who was there and doesn't want to get involved. He also said, "they only did a drug test?" and "they're only saying you were drugged right?"  ONLY? No, that's not the ONLY test they did. I wasn't "only" drugged. I was drugged. At your house. Maybe show some fucking sympathy (he didn't, even when I called him out on it).

    I laid into him a little more about being in denial and defending the person who did this instead of putting himself in my shoes and trying to understand how I feel. He stopped answering after that.
    Oh fuck. What an asshole.

    So sorry that you are dealing with this. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully you and your FI will be able to heal. Best of luck as you move forward.

    Anniversary
    pumpkinsandturkeysPrettyGirlLost
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