I'd talk to whoever you really liked that helped you at the hospital. Let them know what you're going through with the host of the party - they (sadly) have seen so many similar situations and may be able to give you guidance based on those experiences. Him being such an asshat/douchecanoe/motherfucking asswipe may be more encouragement to follow up with the police.
Glad you're not at work today. !
As for your FI, I think asking him to go to counseling with you - as a way to help you recover and for him to be involved in supporting you through this - might help him understand, and if he goes and then eventually participates with you, that'd be the best outcome.
Save the text messages. File a police report. Include the messages in it. He is trying to bully you into shutting up. It's heinous.
FI needs to go to counseling with you. No ifs ands or buts about it. That is a deal breaker. I'm sorry to be the one that adds to your heartache but it is a big awful red flag that he will not go to counseling with you. I learned that the hard way.
If you are not ready to do either of those things, please schedule an appointment for individual counseling ASAP and work through those things.
I'm so sorry. It's hard enough that you went through it but everyone else reacting like an asshole is adding insult to injury.
What an absolute piece of shit! I'm enraged for you! Who the fuck is he to call you a liar?! I can't believe he is trying to make you believe that it didn't happen. I'm so sorry all of this is happening to you.
I firmly believe without a doubt now that he is somehow involved. I agree with PP's please keep those text messages and when you file the report show them. This is throwing up HUGE red flags. He is trying to put doubt in your head and downplay your situation to save himself or his friend(s).
I agree with PPs don't tell him you're filing a police report, let them show up at HIS WORK to question him. His attitude really makes him look guilty. And keep those text messages.
Why does society think it's okay to treat women this way?? You have every right to be super angry at him and take your time processing it.
If I lived near you, I'd go with you to the police and keep up with it if they aren't responsive right away.
This guy is a fucking piece of shit! I am livid. LIVID! Omg.
His behavior is totally shady and it makes me completely suspicious of him. I really think he was involved. I agree that you should file a police report and hang on to all of those text messages.
Something sort of similar happened to me years ago. When I was on TK planning my first wedding in 2004, I became friends with a fellow Knottie. She lived close by and we hung out every few months. After I got divorced, I invited her and her husband up to hang out. Because we'd be out drinking, the plan was for them to stay over at my place in my guest room. We went out and by the time we got home, I was very drunk. I woke up in the morning to this woman's husband in my bed, assaulting me. I was shocked and scared and a lot of other things. When I finally got the courage to confront this woman about what her husband did, she blamed everything on me. Called me a liar, said if anything happened it was because I wanted it to. It was disgusting.
Not too long after, I found out that I wasn't the first friend of hers he did this to. Many of her friends had accused him of assaulting them. And she just denied it and covered it up for him and went along with her life.
So, I just wanted to tell you that everything you're feeling is normal. The ups, the downs, the bad days. I have been there. If you ever need to talk, I'm here.
This guy is a fucking piece of shit! I am livid. LIVID! Omg.
His behavior is totally shady and it makes me completely suspicious of him. I really think he was involved. I agree that you should file a police report and hang on to all of those text messages.
Something sort of similar happened to me years ago. When I was on TK planning my first wedding in 2004, I became friends with a fellow Knottie. She lived close by and we hung out every few months. After I got divorced, I invited her and her husband up to hang out. Because we'd be out drinking, the plan was for them to stay over at my place in my guest room. We went out and by the time we got home, I was very drunk. I woke up in the morning to this woman's husband in my bed, assaulting me. I was shocked and scared and a lot of other things. When I finally got the courage to confront this woman about what her husband did, she blamed everything on me. Called me a liar, said if anything happened it was because I wanted it to. It was disgusting.
Not too long after, I found out that I wasn't the first friend of hers he did this to. Many of her friends had accused him of assaulting them. And she just denied it and covered it up for him and went along with her life.
So, I just wanted to tell you that everything you're feeling is normal. The ups, the downs, the bad days. I have been there. If you ever need to talk, I'm here.
OMFG!!!! All of the knotties I've ever met have been so nice! I'm sorry
Please tell me this person is no longer on the forum. Or tell us where they live and we can bring the Angry Brides there after we take care of pumpkin's "friend".
Please tell me this person is no longer on the forum. Or tell us where they live and we can bring the Angry Brides there after we take care of pumpkin's "friend".
She's not here as far as I know. She was run off TK a long time ago.
OMG! I would so be skinning me a douchebag right now! That is such bullshit that he is trying to make you feel like a liar! Gag! I could kill him right now!
Definitely file a police report! And be sure to give the police copies of his messages! This so called friend seems to have either been the perpetrator or at least know something about it with the way he is behaving. Also I wouldn't warn him about filing a report. Let the cops surprise him before he can destroy the evidence!
I'm so sorry pumpkin! Hang in there! You should get a movie and chocolate and a nice bottle of wine and just unwind! Sending lots of hugs n prayers!
After your update, I really, really think you need to file a police report. Even if all that happens is the detectives show up and grill his ass, there's a record now, and there's the suspicion, and maybe this will scare him into thinking before he does this again.
Because I totally think he was involved.
Also, instead of skinning him, which I feel might be too quick a death, I think we need to come up with slow ways of torture for him.
Crucifiction and drawing and quartering come to mind. Oh and disembowelment followed by. . . well nevermind, it's too graphic for polite company.
The Romans came up with some excellent "innovations" in this area, and I take my Italian heritage seriously ;-)
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
After your update, I really, really think you need to file a police report. Even if all that happens is the detectives show up and grill his ass, there's a record now, and there's the suspicion, and maybe this will scare him into thinking before he does this again.
Because I totally think he was involved.
Also, instead of skinning him, which I feel might be too quick a death, I think we need to come up with slow ways of torture for him.
Crucifiction and drawing and quartering come to mind. Oh and disembowelment followed by. . . well nevermind, it's too graphic for polite company.
The Romans came up with some excellent "innovations" in this area, and I take my Italian heritage seriously ;-)
I like taking him sliver by sliver to a stump of a mangled torso and head, followed by skinning, then disembowelment, cutting out the tongue and eyes, and gloriously ended by allowing him to choke to death with his severed man parts shoved down his throat! Leave the ears to make sure your voice is the last thing he will ever hear...
Absolutely disgusting that he would turn this around on you. What a loser! So sorry Pumpkin. I am so angry for you! Just know you are better than this whole situation and not to let what he says effect you.
Good. Don't waste any more of your energy on that sack of horseshit.
This guy is NOT your friend.
I'm sorry your FI won't go to counseling with you, but IA that even if he won't you should still go. Hopefully he'll come. Maybe you can convince him to go with you just to support you, and not for his own sake, and it won't rub his ego the wrong way so much.
The host decided to send me another message. He said (summarizing/paraphrasing) that he spoke with pretty much everyone at the party, and everyone said I was totally myself and not acting weird (funny, because the majority of people there didn't know me, or barely knew me). He also said that based on first-hand accounts of involuntary drug use that he has heard from other people, I would have been knocked out immediately for 12+ hours if I was drugged (right -- because everyone uses the same drug for this shit, and it affects everyone the same way).
Then comes the worst part. He insinuated that perhaps I was making all of this up because I did something while drunk that I was embarrassed about, and that I should just drop this whole thing if that's the case because anything embarrassing/unseemly I may or may not have done won't be spread around by anyone.
He then said that it was unfortunate that I was in the hospital and "not happy", and to let him know if he can do anything else to help.
I freaked out.
I laid into him, from a variety of angles. I can't remember the last time I was this angry. He responded with pseudo-polite, semi-condescending replies about how this is what he's been told, and he just did what I asked, and repeatedly told me to let him know if I need anything else. He also said that if I was willing to share, he'd be interested in hearing the results of the drug test and rape kit.
Excuse me? Pretty sure I already told you that they said I was drugged, and that the rape kit was inconclusive because they couldn't rule out an assault, but couldn't confirm it either.
Fuck. You. I'm done. I'm so done. I feel like my head is going to explode.
(ETF spelling because I was angry typing)
Holy fucking shit I was suspicious already but this just throws a giant layer of THIS IS FUCKING SUSPICIOUS on top of it. This is the exact response you would expect from either the offender or someone who knows the offender. They're trying to put the blame on you and make it sound like you're making shit up, to cover their own asses. By making it sound like your fault he's trying to shame you into shutting up about it. He's trying to make it something you're embarrassed to admit.
File a fucking police report. Seriously. At best you can find out what happened and get the perpetrator in deep shit, at least, you'll scare the shit out of this guy and prevent him from doing it to someone else. I know it's a pain in the ass, but there is a real chance a lot of good can come from filing a police report, and you just have to go for it.
ETA: Seriously, this is a fucking textbook response that he's giving you. Assault is about control and manipulation, including manipulating your emotions about the assault. Literally, this is what they fucking teach you when they talk about assault in psychology classes, the offender will manipulate and turn the blame back onto the victim.
So glad you stopped talking to this guy. Whether or not he did it, he is trying manipulate you and convince you that you're crazy. Drugs like GHB are well known not to knock people out and people can function normally without remembering anything later. I'm really wondering, if you have injuries to your fingernails, if this guy might have defensive wounds...
Idk if it is because I'm home or if I'm just completely furious for you but I can't stop thinking about this. Well... I know I'm completely furious. You know I'm an anthropologist and I did my dissertation on ancient Egyptian torture techniques. You think the Romans were bad you should read what the Egyptians did, they had thousands of years of practice before Rome was a thought.
I wish Olivia Benson was on this case. I am enraged for you. Please add my vote for reporting this. Even if nothing comes of it, I think it will relieve you of "what if" thoughts down the line.
I'm so angry on your behalf pumpkin! File the report, and provide the texts between you and the host. Get the friends who were with you (I use the friends term loosely, considering their behavior too), to go in, write out statements as to what they observed and how you passed out so quickly. Tell the police to speak to the host, as he is definitely a person of interest. He should have given you a list of everyone at that party.
The fact that he wants to know the results of the drug test and rape kit are sending a chill up my spine. I think he knows who did this. I think it's possible it was him. I also think its possible he may have pulled this stunt before (the guys who drug women to assault them do NOT change) and he's afraid that since you had the kit done, there's trace DNA that can be linked to other cases. Points A and B will not be hard to connect, especially if he turns out to have been peripherally involved in the others.
Hugs for you, pumpkin. I'm mentally playing soccer with the host's head right now....
I'm so angry on your behalf pumpkin! File the report, and provide the texts between you and the host. Get the friends who were with you (I use the friends term loosely, considering their behavior too), to go in, write out statements as to what they observed and how you passed out so quickly. Tell the police to speak to the host, as he is definitely a person of interest. He should have given you a list of everyone at that party.
The fact that he wants to know the results of the drug test and rape kit are sending a chill up my spine. I think he knows who did this. I think it's possible it was him. I also think its possible he may have pulled this stunt before (the guys who drug women to assault them do NOT change) and he's afraid that since you had the kit done, there's trace DNA that can be linked to other cases. Points A and B will not be hard to connect, especially if he turns out to have been peripherally involved in the others.
Hugs for you, pumpkin. I'm mentally playing soccer with the host's head right now....
This. Seriously, he is playing on your uncertainty about the events and perceived lack of evidence to make you feel uncertain about your case. He's doing this to shut you up. So be loud as fuck. PLEASE report this- don't let yourself become one of those women who is successfully shut up by our society's shit treatment of the victims of these crimes, don't let him get away with this shit. Seriously I'm starting to feel like I'm reading over a case file in psychology class, this is such a completely predictable response to guilt. Even if he himself didn't do it, he helped whoever did.
Idk if it is because I'm home or if I'm just completely furious for you but I can't stop thinking about this. Well... I know I'm completely furious. You know I'm an anthropologist and I did my dissertation on ancient Egyptian torture techniques. You think the Romans were bad you should read what the Egyptians did, they had thousands of years of practice before Rome was a thought.
Yeah but when the Romans started to conquer most of the known world they got new material :-)
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Not to take light of the situation but reading through all the responses regarding our angry mob and what we want to do to these people, I wonder how many times this thread has been tagged by the people in the government that watch for this kinda stuff hahahahaha- idea popped up when I was talking to my husband about this last night and I ended up dreaming an official came to visit all of us for the things being said lol
Anyways, still thinking and praying for you and your FI pumpkin! I agree with the pp about going through with a police report though. At least there will always be a trail connected to him if something every happened in the future.
So, this guy as much as said, "I thought the drugs would knock you out for 12+ hours," yes? Guilty, guilty, guilty. You did say this was over text message, right? Copy that shit and get it to the police.
Re: **Updated** NWR: I think I may have been drugged.
I firmly believe without a doubt now that he is somehow involved. I agree with PP's please keep those text messages and when you file the report show them. This is throwing up HUGE red flags. He is trying to put doubt in your head and downplay your situation to save himself or his friend(s).
Why does society think it's okay to treat women this way?? You have every right to be super angry at him and take your time processing it.
If I lived near you, I'd go with you to the police and keep up with it if they aren't responsive right away.
OMFG!!!! All of the knotties I've ever met have been so nice! I'm sorry
Definitely file a police report! And be sure to give the police copies of his messages! This so called friend seems to have either been the perpetrator or at least know something about it with the way he is behaving. Also I wouldn't warn him about filing a report. Let the cops surprise him before he can destroy the evidence!
I'm so sorry pumpkin! Hang in there! You should get a movie and chocolate and a nice bottle of wine and just unwind! Sending lots of hugs n prayers!
The Romans came up with some excellent "innovations" in this area, and I take my Italian heritage seriously ;-)
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
The Romans came up with some excellent "innovations" in this area, and I take my Italian heritage seriously ;-)
I like taking him sliver by sliver to a stump of a mangled torso and head, followed by skinning, then disembowelment, cutting out the tongue and eyes, and gloriously ended by allowing him to choke to death with his severed man parts shoved down his throat! Leave the ears to make sure your voice is the last thing he will ever hear...
"Braveheart"! What they showed in the movie barely scratched the surface of what they actually did to William Wallace.
Take care of yourself.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Anyways, still thinking and praying for you and your FI pumpkin! I agree with the pp about going through with a police report though. At least there will always be a trail connected to him if something every happened in the future.