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Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)

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Re: Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread)

  • Soon2BJLJSoon2BJLJ member
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    Whatever.  I'm following your etiquette rules to the letter of the law.  I came on here to thank you and this is what I get.
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  • 2leadsingers2leadsingers member
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    I think the point that PP are trying to make is that you made a decision to get married. For whatever reason you did, and you are married. Having any kind of a PPD after that without telling your guests that you are married is against etiquette. By all means, have a celebration of marriage afterwards, a big bash with friends and family. Don't call it a wedding, wear the fluffy dress, do the first dances, or reenact the ceremony. By all means make it a formal affair if you want, but call it a celebration of marriage and let your guests know you are already married. If you want the pomp and circumstance,  wait ten or twenty years, have a vow renewal ceremony and reception. Many people on this board fight for marriage equality, and the thought that someone places the value of a large expensive party over their marriage, and would dream of filing a divorce ( a rather extreme and expensive option, not to mention the time it takes) for the sole purpose of remarriage with a frilly dress is sickening. Who would be paying for all of this anyway, the divorce and the "wedding" ? 
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I can't believe that anyone out there would rather file for divorce (which in and of itself isn't exactly cheap) than tell their guests that they are already married due to insurance concerns or slightly modify their celebration to just celebrate the already existing marriage. Sounds like the wedding industry has brainwashed many a person!

    FWIW, marrying and then divorcing is an even worse lie and will offend your guests even more!!!! 

     







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  • Soon2BJLJSoon2BJLJ member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    @2leadsingers we are paying for everything ourselves

    @jells2dot0, its not expensive if it isn't challenged
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  • 2leadsingers2leadsingers member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    So, what you are saying is that it would be worth it to you to spend your money on a divorce, and then another wedding, rather than tell your guests the truth about being married and hosting a celebration of marriage without wedding reenacting again? 

    And you are also saying that the vows you said to each other during the wedding only have meaning behind them if your friends and family get to witness them while you wear a fancy dress? 
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
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    Soon2BJLJ said:
    @2leadsingers we are paying for everything ourselves

    @jells2dot0, its not expensive if it isn't challenged
    I know how much it costs because I had an uncontested divorce. Regardless, it is expensive because it's completely unnecessary. 

     







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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Oh my.  On the one hand, @Soon2BJLJ (MUD or not) is technically getting divorced and then getting remarried, which is established to not be a PPD.  On the other hand, this is obviously not what posters mean when they say "Did you get divorced?  Then you can get married again" in reference to a PPD discussion.

    And all of that said, this just has to be MUD.  Probably my fault for causing a ruckus over at Wedding Wire.

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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
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    @grumbledore it's fun to have a little entertainment every so often. It does seem like a waste of energy at times, but at least the lurkers and newbs can see how all different scenarios are not acceptable!

     







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  • Soon2BJLJSoon2BJLJ member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I don't know what a MUD is.  All I'm saying is I followed the etiquette rules you guys said on here and now I'm getting my butt chewed for it and laughed at like its so ridiculous when my intentions are actualy good.  I've only been to wedding wire once and i didnt like it because the layout is ugly.
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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
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    Soon2BJLJ said:
    I don't know what a MUD is.  All I'm saying is I followed the etiquette rules you guys said on here and now I'm getting my butt chewed for it and laughed at like its so ridiculous when my intentions are actualy good.  I've only been to wedding wire once and i didnt like it because the layout is ugly.
    MUD = Made up drama, but if you want to do etiquette rules you should take the dress code off of your website. It is rude to tell others how to dress.

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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
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    *whole thread

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  • 2leadsingers2leadsingers member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    mobkaz said:
    Soon2BJLJ said:
    I dont think I'm devaluing marriage at all.  I think devaluing marraige would be something like getting divorced without ever having gone to counceling.  Without even trying to make it work, because then your basically saying you dont care and never did. 

    I care about my FI and I care about my guests and I dont want to decieve them.  You guys made this HOLE thread about how its wrong to do a PPD and that if a couple has a JOP wedding, they don't have a right to a real symbolic ceremony and I think thats true, so we decided to dissolve the marriage and start over so we don't offend anyone.  But it seems as if I have offended you all anyway and that makes no sense to me!
    Isn't he your husband? 


    This made laugh. 
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  • kkitkat79kkitkat79 member
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    2leadsingers said:
    mobkaz said:
    Soon2BJLJ said:
    I dont think I'm devaluing marriage at all.  I think devaluing marraige would be something like getting divorced without ever having gone to counceling.  Without even trying to make it work, because then your basically saying you dont care and never did. 

    I care about my FI and I care about my guests and I dont want to decieve them.  You guys made this HOLE thread about how its wrong to do a PPD and that if a couple has a JOP wedding, they don't have a right to a real symbolic ceremony and I think thats true, so we decided to dissolve the marriage and start over so we don't offend anyone.  But it seems as if I have offended you all anyway and that makes no sense to me!
    Isn't he your husband? 


    This made laugh. 

    No, by the time they get married they'll have been divorced.
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  • APDSS22APDSS22 member
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    kkitkat79 said:
    2leadsingers said:
    mobkaz said:
    Soon2BJLJ said:
    I dont think I'm devaluing marriage at all.  I think devaluing marraige would be something like getting divorced without ever having gone to counceling.  Without even trying to make it work, because then your basically saying you dont care and never did. 

    I care about my FI and I care about my guests and I dont want to decieve them.  You guys made this HOLE thread about how its wrong to do a PPD and that if a couple has a JOP wedding, they don't have a right to a real symbolic ceremony and I think thats true, so we decided to dissolve the marriage and start over so we don't offend anyone.  But it seems as if I have offended you all anyway and that makes no sense to me!
    Isn't he your husband? 


    This made laugh. 

    No, by the time they get married they'll have been divorced.
    Yes, but if they're still married and the divorce hasn't gone through it's still her husband.
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  • syoun1njsyoun1nj member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    SunshineJenn, it's not hard to find out who you are and we all know you are from WeddingWire anyway. We already know you're having a PPD. You've already done this earlier in the thread under your "real" name admitting you are having a PPD. And we've already told you to go right ahead, have your celebration, and don't lie to your guests. And you already admitted on WW that it was correct and you were going to change your plans and not lie. So...I mean, I guess keep it up if you want but I'm not really sure what your point is, since no one on this thread has suggested people get divorced so they can justify a PPD. Can't you just drink on your snow day like the rest of us?
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  • HiThere674HiThere674 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited March 2014
    Wait wait...so to save face you are splitting up to just re-create the wedding? That sounds so wrong.....I mean, I have nothing against PPDs or Vow Renewal (just don't lie) but this seems off

    I have to ask since technically your (ex)husband would be your fiance would that mean he can have a huge bachelor party with strippers because technically he isn't married to you?
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  • sunshinejenn03sunshinejenn03 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    @HiThere674 no it's not real. There is no divorce.
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    sunshinejenn03 said:
    Actually @syoun1nj I've always had the intention to tell guests. I even said that here. You guys are easy to troll, I can't believe you'd even believe a story like that. AND THE GRAMMAR. Jesus Christ. But my intention here on this snow day was to think of the most outlandish consequence for someone reading this thread. There is good etiquette advice here but I honestly don't think you all consider other people's situations sometimes. Or don't care. Whatever. And yes, yes, I know "there is no situation in which it makes a PPD okay ever" something something. Basically if PPDs upset you THAT MUCH, consider yourself lucky that's all you have to worry about in life. *dons flame suit* I'm ready. Although it's getting late so my bed is calling my name.
    I'm pretty sure that PPDs are the least of my worries. I sleep pretty darn well at night. However, I'd be remiss as a member of society to just stand by and watch people be rude to others when a simple post on a chat board can potentially eliminate the issue and provide education for future posters. I just know how I would feel if I were on the receiving end of some of the etiquette breaches I see on here and it's not pretty.

     







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  • sunshinejenn03sunshinejenn03 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    @LDay2014 You are making a pretty far leap from also wanting a special day that includes your family and friends to self-centered, entitled brat. It seems the people who lack empathy are those like you, because you certainly don't seem empathetic to their positions and "reasons" for having a PPD. You just kick and bray because how dare they! "What has the world come to with all these brides and their legal ceremonies and their later PPDs?!"

    @Jells2dot0 at the end of the day, if someone breaches etiquette, I usually ask myself if there was good intent behind it. If yes, I let it pass.
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    jenniferurs said:
    There's never good intent behind lying in these situations.

    Agree! There is good intent if you have to marry due to illness or insurance and then decide to celebrate with a celebration of marriage reception after the fact. There is not good intent with doing that and not being honest with your guests. I really don't understand WHY people feel the need to lie about something that I feel would be easily understood by most people? I'm pretty sure that if I lost my job and needed insurance, and we got married quickly to allow me coverage, but decided to hold a reception to celebrate after the fact, most people in my life would support our decision and celebrate with us. I don't see the need to have a full on princess re-do wedding, since I'd already be married, but I do understand wanting to celebrate.

     







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  • NYCBruinNYCBruin member
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    sunshinejenn03 said:
    @LDay2014 You are making a pretty far leap from also wanting a special day that includes your family and friends to self-centered, entitled brat. It seems the people who lack empathy are those like you, because you certainly don't seem empathetic to their positions and "reasons" for having a PPD. You just kick and bray because how dare they! "What has the world come to with all these brides and their legal ceremonies and their later PPDs?!" @Jells2dot0 at the end of the day, if someone breaches etiquette, I usually ask myself if there was good intent behind it. If yes, I let it pass.
    Lying to your friends and family so you can be the center of attention is incredibly self-centered.  No other way to slice it.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
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    edited March 2014
    sunshinejenn03 said: @LDay2014 You are making a pretty far leap from also wanting a special day that includes your family and friends to self-centered, entitled brat. It seems the people who lack empathy are those like you, because you certainly don't seem empathetic to their positions and "reasons" for having a PPD. You just kick and bray because how dare they! "What has the world come to with all these brides and their legal ceremonies and their later PPDs?!" @Jells2dot0 at the end of the day, if someone breaches etiquette, I usually ask myself if there was good intent behind it. If yes, I let it pass.

    I just don't understand how it's okay to lie to the ones you claim are the closest to you...it's just outright shameful.      If it wasn't a big deal to those having PPDs, then why lie in the first place? Because you know it's not right.

    I couldn't care less about the idea of having a party after the ceremony to celebrate - just don't lie about it!

    Edited for formatting
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  • sunshinejenn03sunshinejenn03 member
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    Well, I'm not lying to anyone, so let's all hold hands then.
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  • mizangimizangi member
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    Jenn has never had any intention of lying to her friends and family. I attended a wedding last year and the couple was already married. She wore her dress again, they made their entrance, had a first dance, etc. It was beautiful and I was not in the least offended that they were already married.
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