Wedding Etiquette Forum

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Re: FFF

  • RajahBMFD said:


    STUCK IN THE DAMN BOX:
    Rituals don't have to be religious to have meaning. We did a sand ceremony as part of our wedding because we love what it symbolizes and we liked the idea of having a physical token representing us coming together. I think it's a bit narrow-minded to say that the only rituals that are important are religious ones. 

    I agree. We also had a sand ceremony because it held meaning for us. Readings during the ceremony aren't necessarily part of a religious practice-does that mean a couple shouldn't include a poem or passage because it isn't mandated by their religious practice? 
    image
    huskypuppy14
  • It's so common here that my venue actually discouraged me from paying the tab myself and not having a cash bar. She said "Oh, I don't think we've done that here before, I guess we can do that"


    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
    grumbledorePrettyGirlLostMairePoppy
  • It's so common here that my venue actually discouraged me from paying the tab myself and not having a cash bar. She said "Oh, I don't think we've done that here before, I guess we can do that"


    I was in a wedding, and I went with the bride to look at the venue and she encouraged cash bar. The bride booked this place and we were charged for soda as well as all alcohol. I was surprised they gave us coffee for our cake. SHOCKER.

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    image 59 Invited
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • It's so common here that my venue actually discouraged me from paying the tab myself and not having a cash bar. She said "Oh, I don't think we've done that here before, I guess we can do that"


    I don't get when people on here talk about venues pushing/suggesting a cash bar. Who cares?! They get their money one way or another.
    image
  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited April 2014
    daria24 said:
    RajahBMFD said:


    STUCK IN THE DAMN BOX:
    Rituals don't have to be religious to have meaning. We did a sand ceremony as part of our wedding because we love what it symbolizes and we liked the idea of having a physical token representing us coming together. I think it's a bit narrow-minded to say that the only rituals that are important are religious ones. 

    I agree. We also had a sand ceremony because it held meaning for us. Readings during the ceremony aren't necessarily part of a religious practice-does that mean a couple shouldn't include a poem or passage because it isn't mandated by their religious practice? 
    Please see my earlier response.  I was not trying to diminish the significance of other unity ceremonies.  But as I said, you mentioned Liturgy of the Eucharist - this is not an option in a Catholic Mass.  It may not have meaning to you and that's perfectly fine.  I was just trying to point out that a lot the religious rituals are not optional in those ceremonies.  You can still get married without a sand/candle ceremony.  In the Catholic Church (if you are having a full Mass), you can't get married without the Liturgy.  That is the only reason I think they are different.

    ETF:  Missing words

     

    PrettyGirlLost
  • PDKH said:
    I don't give a damn about gaps unless they are more than a couple hours long. I'll change, fool around with FI, hit up a local bar for a drink, and waltz into the reception.

    I understand why they are a bad hosting practice, I just never understand the people who are like "OMG WHAT WILL I DO WITH MYSELF?!?!"

    This. I completely agree. I actually quite like small gaps. It gives me time to relax/take a nap/get refreshed.

    Anniversary

    BabyFruit Ticker

    image

     


    carliealissa
  • We're not doing any unity candle, sand mixing, wine mixing or anything because a) it's not part of the catholic ceremony and b)the ceremony is where we are being united being made one and all I don't see the need for any additional visual of a candle, or sand to make it more real.

    Anniversary

    grumbledorePrettyGirlLost
  • We're not doing any unity candle, sand mixing, wine mixing or anything because a) it's not part of the catholic ceremony and b)the ceremony is where we are being united being made one and all I don't see the need for any additional visual of a candle, or sand to make it more real.

    This argument bothers me though - because tons of stuff surrounding ceremonies that most people do doesn't make them more or less "real" - rings, attire, walking down the aisle, etc. but everyone does those anyway.

    It's just a symbol of unity. If people choose to do one, who cares? We are doing a candle because we wanted our mothers to have a small role in the ceremony, because they are a huge part of who we are.
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    pinkshorts27insertusernamehere
  • I don't agree with everyone who pearl clutches at the fact they were referred to as 'guest' on the invitation. Like, jfc, it's literally just a piece of paper. If you're married or have been together forever, it's a bigger deal. But the people who won't even go and buy a smaller gift in attempt to 'punish' the couple in a sense, like, why? You're an adult, act like it. People make mistakes. It's not a huge deal.
    I got offended by this when my BF at the time was the best man in the wedding and we had gone on a vacation with this couple and had been out to dinner with them many times.  

    I did think that it was a personal attack at the time, but I actually think that she was clueless about everything.

    They actually put on their INVITATION that they prefer cash as gifts.  On the invitation.  
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
    PrettyGirlLostluckysnorkel
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    PDKH said:
    I don't give a damn about gaps unless they are more than a couple hours long. I'll change, fool around with FI, hit up a local bar for a drink, and waltz into the reception.

    I understand why they are a bad hosting practice, I just never understand the people who are like "OMG WHAT WILL I DO WITH MYSELF?!?!"

    This. I completely agree. I actually quite like small gaps. It gives me time to relax/take a nap/get refreshed.

    What do you do at these ceremonies that you need time to relax/take a nap and get refreshed?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    PrettyGirlLostAddieCakeSimply Fated
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I don't mind PPDs.  

    As long as there is a kickass party with lots of food and booze, I don't care.  
    As long as there is full disclosure that it is a PPD and it's a kick-ass party I don't care either.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    cupcait927PrettyGirlLostDrewsgirl31
  • Long gaps always = us getting drunk and being late to the reception.  Or being too full to eat the dinner. 

    The plan is always to get a drink, but then it turns into a bunch of drinks and some apps.  And then it's a huge group of people sharing a bunch of apps and then watching the Kentucky Derby and we can't leave yet because the main race is about to begin, but oh wait, the cocktail hour started an hour ago.  But I have money on this.  

    Yeah, about 15 of us walked in while they were doing their first dance.  Oops. 
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
    cowgirl8238PrettyGirlLostDrewsgirl31tcnoble
  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2014
    You guys have covered many that I agree are NBFD- using labels, tuxes in the day time, flip flop baskets.

    Here's my controversial, unpopular opinion- If we are going to tell Brides that they cannot dictate their guests' attire and that they shouldn't give a fuck what their guests wear. . . well Ladies, that includes guests wearing white.  Time to let that supposed sartorial rule go and stop judging women who wear white to weddings.  It's just a color.
    Eh, Idk about this.  I judge people (silently, in my head) for being underdressed or inappropriately dressed at any number of occasions.  That doesn't mean I would ever say something, or tell anyone what to wear, but I do care what people wear.

    And I hate it when people say "you won't notice if people are wearing jeans/a tube top/a neon orange construction vest" -- um, yes, I will, I notice everything people wear.
    I think it's time to stop viewing wearing whit as inappropriate.

    I people watch all of the time so I notice what they are wearing too. . . but did you honestly notice what people were wearing on your wedding day?  This is just meant as a sincere, curious question- I'm not being snarky with you at all.

    I think I am going to be too busy/nervous/excited/overjoyed/having too much fun to people watch that day.
    My wedding isn't until November, but I doubt I'll suddenly go blind that day.  I remember what certain people (coughcoughjeanscoughcough) wore to my first wedding ten years ago.  I don't get nervous in social situations, I think I'll still be coherent.

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    ashleyepchibiyui
  • I don't mind PPDs.  

    As long as there is a kickass party with lots of food and booze, I don't care.  
    I agree! Although I've never been to one, but if I had good food and company I'd be good with it. 

    It's surprising I have never been to one (that I know of). My family is about as etiquette aware as monkey's at the zoo. We have had plenty of small weddings at a destination with an AHR later, but none have had a ceremony re-enactment. The worst offense on that score was the bride might wear her wedding gown at it and there may be a cake cutting. However, the cash bar (some even charging for soda) and honey funds have usually been present. 

    We do , however, know how to feed people. There is always good food and plenty of it. No potluck's so far, but I did make a bunch of cupcakes for a cousin's wedding once. I'm known for my cupcakes. I had asked if there was anything I could do and this is what they requested, so it wasn't an etiquette blunder on their part, although the cash bar and money dance were!

    For the record, my wedding will have fully hosted beer, wine and soda, no honeyfunds and no AHR's or PPD's. At least not a re-enactment PPD. I am getting married at Disneyland so I suppose that makes it inherently a Pretty Princess Day, just my one and only. 
  • In regards to attire.

    I would not have cared if someone showed up to my wedding in a speedo.  I literally gave NO fucks about what other people wore to my wedding.  

    I will not ever understand why people worry or care so much about this.

    However, I did go to an Indian wedding once and it's custom for the bride to go to India and bring back Sari's for all of her close friends.  Well she brought me one and it happened to be red and that's the traditional wedding dress color for the bride and I was so nervous about wearing.  But she bought it for me, so I figured it didn't matter that much.  
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
    PrettyGirlLost
  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2014
    lyndausvi said:
    PDKH said:
    I don't give a damn about gaps unless they are more than a couple hours long. I'll change, fool around with FI, hit up a local bar for a drink, and waltz into the reception.

    I understand why they are a bad hosting practice, I just never understand the people who are like "OMG WHAT WILL I DO WITH MYSELF?!?!"

    This. I completely agree. I actually quite like small gaps. It gives me time to relax/take a nap/get refreshed.

    What do you do at these ceremonies that you need time to relax/take a nap and get refreshed?


    This is my thing.  What is so exhausting about watching a wedding ceremony (at most an hour of my day) that one would need a nap??

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    pinkshorts27
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    daria24 said:
    RajahBMFD said:


    STUCK IN THE DAMN BOX:
    Rituals don't have to be religious to have meaning. We did a sand ceremony as part of our wedding because we love what it symbolizes and we liked the idea of having a physical token representing us coming together. I think it's a bit narrow-minded to say that the only rituals that are important are religious ones. 

    I agree. We also had a sand ceremony because it held meaning for us. Readings during the ceremony aren't necessarily part of a religious practice-does that mean a couple shouldn't include a poem or passage because it isn't mandated by their religious practice? 
    Please see my earlier response.  I was not trying to diminish the significance of other unity ceremonies.  But as I said, you mentioned Liturgy of the Eucharist - this is not an option in a Catholic Mass.  It may not have meaning to you and that's perfectly fine.  I was just trying to point out that a lot the religious rituals are not optional in those ceremonies.  You can still get married without a sand/candle ceremony.  In the Catholic Church (if you are having a full Mass), you can't get married without the Liturgy.  That is the only reason I think they are different.

    ETF:  Missing words
    I think the criticism is not against the secular unity events in general, but rather against having those secular events during a religious ceremony, because the religious ceremony is already a unity event.  At that point the separate, secular unity events just seem redundant.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    ashleyep
  • lyndausvi said:
    I don't mind PPDs.  

    As long as there is a kickass party with lots of food and booze, I don't care.  
    As long as there is full disclosure that it is a PPD and it's a kick-ass party I don't care either.
    I don't even care if I'm being lied to.  I really don't. 

    The only time I would be annoyed about this is if I had to go to the original ceremony and then sit through a reenactment of it at the PPD, then I would be annoyed.


    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    PDKH said:

    We're not doing any unity candle, sand mixing, wine mixing or anything because a) it's not part of the catholic ceremony and b)the ceremony is where we are being united being made one and all I don't see the need for any additional visual of a candle, or sand to make it more real.

    This argument bothers me though - because tons of stuff surrounding ceremonies that most people do doesn't make them more or less "real" - rings, attire, walking down the aisle, etc. but everyone does those anyway.

    It's just a symbol of unity. If people choose to do one, who cares? We are doing a candle because we wanted our mothers to have a small role in the ceremony, because they are a huge part of who we are.
      A few Pope's ago the decision was made to stop allowing the secular unity events from the wedding masses, because they are not and have never been part of the wedding mass. . . dunno if that ruling has made it's way into all diocese yet.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

     

    lyndausvi said:
    I don't mind PPDs.  

    As long as there is a kickass party with lots of food and booze, I don't care.  
    As long as there is full disclosure that it is a PPD and it's a kick-ass party I don't care either.

    I third this. Honestly, if that's what the couple wants to spend their money on and I get to have food and booze, I'm good. Doesn't bother me in the least.

    Drewsgirl31
  • Long gaps always = us getting drunk and being late to the reception.  Or being too full to eat the dinner. 

    The plan is always to get a drink, but then it turns into a bunch of drinks and some apps.  And then it's a huge group of people sharing a bunch of apps and then watching the Kentucky Derby and we can't leave yet because the main race is about to begin, but oh wait, the cocktail hour started an hour ago.  But I have money on this.  

    Yeah, about 15 of us walked in while they were doing their first dance.  Oops. 
     
    STUCK IN BOX!!!!
     
    I don't blame you guys at all...personally if someone I knew had a gap I would be doing exactly what you and your friends did!!!!
    grumbledore
  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2014
    Double posted and stuck in the box!!!!!!! WTH TK???
  • PDKH said:

    We're not doing any unity candle, sand mixing, wine mixing or anything because a) it's not part of the catholic ceremony and b)the ceremony is where we are being united being made one and all I don't see the need for any additional visual of a candle, or sand to make it more real.

    This argument bothers me though - because tons of stuff surrounding ceremonies that most people do doesn't make them more or less "real" - rings, attire, walking down the aisle, etc. but everyone does those anyway.

    It's just a symbol of unity. If people choose to do one, who cares? We are doing a candle because we wanted our mothers to have a small role in the ceremony, because they are a huge part of who we are.

    For other people it's fine, just for us it wasn't important.  It can certainly mean something to other people.

    We had friends who did a small wedding and they had a sand ceremony and based off of your relationship to the bride and groom( family or friend) weadded some sand to their unity sand thing.  It was an awesome idea I would totally steal if we didn't have such a big wedding for something like that.

    Anniversary

  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    ckel24 said:

     

    lyndausvi said:
    I don't mind PPDs.  

    As long as there is a kickass party with lots of food and booze, I don't care.  
    As long as there is full disclosure that it is a PPD and it's a kick-ass party I don't care either.

    I third this. Honestly, if that's what the couple wants to spend their money on and I get to have food and booze, I'm good. Doesn't bother me in the least.

    With full disclosure and proper hosting, it doesn't bother me. . . I just think it's dumb.  Like, the rest of us managed to do it all on one day, at the same time, why couldn't you?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    [Deleted User]
  • ckel24 said:

     

    lyndausvi said:
    I don't mind PPDs.  

    As long as there is a kickass party with lots of food and booze, I don't care.  
    As long as there is full disclosure that it is a PPD and it's a kick-ass party I don't care either.

    I third this. Honestly, if that's what the couple wants to spend their money on and I get to have food and booze, I'm good. Doesn't bother me in the least.

    This is, I've get to witness a well-hosted PPD.  Most people rude enough to have one are rude enough to be bad hosts.

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  • We're not doing any unity candle, sand mixing, wine mixing or anything because a) it's not part of the catholic ceremony and b)the ceremony is where we are being united being made one and all I don't see the need for any additional visual of a candle, or sand to make it more real.

    We're not involving a church or any type of "god". I don't see the need to use these things to make it seem more real.


  • My wedding isn't until November, but I doubt I'll suddenly go blind that day.  I remember what certain people (coughcoughjeanscoughcough) wore to my first wedding ten years ago.  I don't get nervous in social situations, I think I'll still be coherent.
    Exactly this! I'm sorry, but we aren't spending a shit-ton of money (to us) to throw a classy event so people can show up in jeans and a t-shirt. That said, I've seen a lot of folks say on here that adults are supposed to know how to dress, but sometimes they just really, really don't. Info regarding attire will be posted on our website for sure and maybe a quick line will be included on the invitation as well - we'll keep it simple though - none of that kind of vague flowery language that no one understands.
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