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MrsMack10612 · April 2014

I still have trouble with the paying for the salon or nails etc for the wedding. I get that it would be appreciated, but is it really a gift? They are paying for something THEY want for their wedding.

The gift is meant to be a thank you for being in their wedding. I don't think paying for my hair done to be done for their wedding is a thank you.

Not sure if that made sense, my brain is getting rambly.

ashleyep · April 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

....

Yeah, I agree.

I don't know what the diocese policy is really by me on that. I was asked by my organist if we were doing one and I said no and she said good our priest doesn't like that as part of the ceremony so it works out for everyone I guess.

There might be a diocese policy, but an individual priest might not care enough to enforce it. I don't think my priest allows it, but I didn't want one anyway. My ceremony is going to be 40 minutes long even without a mass - I don't need to add more stuff to it. FI and I exchanging vows is unity enough.

MairePoppy · April 2014

MuppetOverlord said:

It's so common here that my venue actually discouraged me from paying the tab myself and not having a cash bar. She said "Oh, I don't think we've done that here before, I guess we can do that"

I grew up in central MA, where most of my family still lives and cash bar is common, even at ultra fancy weddings.When my cousins found out that my daughter would be having open bar at her wedding, they were flabbergasted. They warned that guests would waste booze by ordering drinks and leaving them, get outrageously drunk and it was implied that open bar was kind of show offy. I think they thought WE were being rude.

I have lived in CT all of my adult life. My kids grew up here. Open bar or partial bar is the norm. It's considered rude to allow wedding guests to pay for their drinks or anything else. I have never been to a wedding, in CT, that wasn't fully hosted.

ashleyep · April 2014

MrsMack10612 said:

I still have trouble with the paying for the salon or nails etc for the wedding. I get that it would be appreciated, but is it really a gift? They are paying for something THEY want for their wedding.

The gift is meant to be a thank you for being in their wedding. I don't think paying for my hair done to be done for their wedding is a thank you.

Not sure if that made sense, my brain is getting rambly.

Honestly, I would rather a bride pay for my hair and makeup than buy me a gift. It's probably going to be something I don't care about anyway, and gifts should never be expected.

I'm buying robes for the girls, but they're these pretty patterned cotton ones with no monogram, nothing that indicates it's for a wedding. And then I think I'm buying each one a piece of jewelry - but unique - and I don't expect them to wear it for the wedding. Starfish earrings for one girl who loves the sea, elephant necklace for the one who loves elephants (obsessed, it's weird ha), and some sort of bracelet for my MOH/sister. They're not super pricey, but I tried to make sure they were good quality materials. And I'm paying for hair and makeup. I'm debating about throwing in a gift card tailored to each girl too.

TheGrimReaper · April 2014

Yeah, given the option, I'd rather have my H&M paid for than to receive an actual gift. I understand the perspective of "This shouldn't be a gift for your BM, when it's something for YOUR wedding", but it's what I'd personally prefer to have.

MrsMack10612 · April 2014

@TheGrimReaper & @ashleyep - I get what you're saying. I've only been a few weddings in my life and either did my own hair or had simple blow out/style done.

I'm also of the mind that if I've agreed to be in a wedding as a BM all those expenses are mine to shoulder - dress/shoes/beauty/jewelry. Whatever it might be. It would never occur to me that the bride should pay for any of it.

Just different mind sets.

LabLove86 · April 2014

In invites "Adult Reception" doesn't bother me. Even a little.

I would hate to see "No Children Allowed" or anything similar.

And I understand why its correct to just address to who is actually invited. But that phrasing just doesn't get my goat.

TheGrimReaper · April 2014

MrsMack10612 said:

@TheGrimReaper & @ashleyep - I get what you're saying. I've only been a few weddings in my life and either did my own hair or had simple blow out/style done.

I'm also of the mind that if I've agreed to be in a wedding as a BM all those expenses are mine to shoulder - dress/shoes/beauty/jewelry. Whatever it might be. It would never occur to me that the bride should pay for any of it.

Just different mind sets.

Well, I agree if you choose to do your H/M, then it's on you. If Bride requires it, it's on her. I didn't ask any of my BMs to get their hair and makeup professionally done. One got her hair done (not makeup) and the other two did everything themselves. They all looked gorgeous! I'm in my cousins wedding in a few months and I'm getting my hair done (I'm incapable of styling it myself) but I can't decide whether or not to get my makeup done. I think I can do it myself (I hope)

sofakingmad · April 2014

I love when brides pay for my H/M as my gift. I will take that over anything.

But it's a given that I'm going to opt to have it done anyways, so I love when they end up picking up the tab.

MobKaz · April 2014

ashleyep said:

MrsMack10612 said:

I still have trouble with the paying for the salon or nails etc for the wedding. I get that it would be appreciated, but is it really a gift? They are paying for something THEY want for their wedding.

The gift is meant to be a thank you for being in their wedding. I don't think paying for my hair done to be done for their wedding is a thank you.

Not sure if that made sense, my brain is getting rambly.

Honestly, I would rather a bride pay for my hair and makeup than buy me a gift. It's probably going to be something I don't care about anyway, and gifts should never be expected.

I'm buying robes for the girls, but they're these pretty patterned cotton ones with no monogram, nothing that indicates it's for a wedding. And then I think I'm buying each one a piece of jewelry - but unique - and I don't expect them to wear it for the wedding. Starfish earrings for one girl who loves the sea, elephant necklace for the one who loves elephants (obsessed, it's weird ha), and some sort of bracelet for my MOH/sister. They're not super pricey, but I tried to make sure they were good quality materials. And I'm paying for hair and makeup. I'm debating about throwing in a gift card tailored to each girl too.

I am curious as to what made you choose robes as one of your gift choices. I absolutely do not like when brides make their wedding party take "getting ready" photos in robes.

ashley8918 · April 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

daria24 said:

RajahBMFD said:

STUCK IN THE DAMN BOX:
Rituals don't have to be religious to have meaning. We did a sand ceremony as part of our wedding because we love what it symbolizes and we liked the idea of having a physical token representing us coming together. I think it's a bit narrow-minded to say that the only rituals that are important are religious ones.

I agree. We also had a sand ceremony because it held meaning for us. Readings during the ceremony aren't necessarily part of a religious practice-does that mean a couple shouldn't include a poem or passage because it isn't mandated by their religious practice?

This, IMHO, is different than the brides who come on here and are all like, 'My ceremony is too short, I need something to make it longer, tell me your unity ideas.'

If the ceremony MEANS SOMETHING to you, I'll sit through it gladly. If you're just looking for something to eat up time, I'm going to judge you.

Your wedding should be about the things that matter TO YOU AS A COUPLE. Not random shit you come up with to make it longer.

EXACTLY. My non-religious ceremony is only going to be 20 minute, absolute tops, and I have no desire to add some filler activity that means nothing to me.

Couggal12 · April 2014

Adult Reception only doesn't bother me either. Because frankly, I have had to be blunt as hell with some people that your kid is not invited.

I'm also not offended by gaps that are 2 hours or less. If I'm in my hometown/near I can find something to do. If I'm out of town, I can go back to my hotel.

I will however judge the crap out of someone who makes me pay for a diet coke.

PrettyGirlLost · April 2014

TheGrimReaper said:

Yeah, given the option, I'd rather have my H&M paid for than to receive an actual gift. I understand the perspective of "This shouldn't be a gift for your BM, when it's something for YOUR wedding", but it's what I'd personally prefer to have.

Ditto.

PrettyGirlLost · April 2014

TheGrimReaper said:

MrsMack10612 said:

@TheGrimReaper & @ashleyep - I get what you're saying. I've only been a few weddings in my life and either did my own hair or had simple blow out/style done.

I'm also of the mind that if I've agreed to be in a wedding as a BM all those expenses are mine to shoulder - dress/shoes/beauty/jewelry. Whatever it might be. It would never occur to me that the bride should pay for any of it.

Just different mind sets.

Well, I agree if you choose to do your H/M, then it's on you. If Bride requires it, it's on her. I didn't ask any of my BMs to get their hair and makeup professionally done. One got her hair done (not makeup) and the other two did everything themselves. They all looked gorgeous! I'm in my cousins wedding in a few months and I'm getting my hair done (I'm incapable of styling it myself) but I can't decide whether or not to get my makeup done. I think I can do it myself (I hope)

No Bride has ever required of me to have my hair/make up done. However, If I'm going to a fancy pants function- like a wedding- I NEED someone to do my hair. Doing it myself is not an option for me, I suck.

So if a Bride wants to pay for it for me, I think that's great!

PrettyGirlLost · April 2014

Also, I don't give two shits if you include registry cards in your invitations. I don't find it to be gift grabby at all- If a registry itself isn't gift grabby and more of a suggestion as to what you might want, then the registry insert is just a "Hey, BTW we are registered here" to me.

And in all honesty, I'm not going to Google you and try and find your registry. I don't care how quick and easy ppl claim it is to do, I think it's stupid when you can include that info in the invitation.

niki&rob · April 2014

I do not understand why a gap is a faux pas, I have not been to a wedding without one. Personally I do not want to see my groom before the wedding, so when are you sopposed to do formal photos if you dont have a gap? I also do not mind if someone adds a registry card in their invite, I am not registered myself, but i think it helps those guests who do not like to give money, you know the older crowd.

nsweare · April 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

daria24 said:

RajahBMFD said:

STUCK IN THE DAMN BOX:
Rituals don't have to be religious to have meaning. We did a sand ceremony as part of our wedding because we love what it symbolizes and we liked the idea of having a physical token representing us coming together. I think it's a bit narrow-minded to say that the only rituals that are important are religious ones.

I agree. We also had a sand ceremony because it held meaning for us. Readings during the ceremony aren't necessarily part of a religious practice-does that mean a couple shouldn't include a poem or passage because it isn't mandated by their religious practice?

This, IMHO, is different than the brides who come on here and are all like, 'My ceremony is too short, I need something to make it longer, tell me your unity ideas.'

If the ceremony MEANS SOMETHING to you, I'll sit through it gladly. If you're just looking for something to eat up time, I'm going to judge you.

Your wedding should be about the things that matter TO YOU AS A COUPLE. Not random shit you come up with to make it longer.

Blergbot · April 2014

QueerFemme said:

hyechica. If you would agree to start using punctuation and capitalization in your posts, I think I would send you flowers, or a cookie or something. You have gotten so much more active on all the boards, it would be nice if you actually used some netiquette and used some puncutation, so your posts didn't read as one big run-on sentence.

Thank you! I don't mean to be mean, but I've had to block her posts from showing up. They literally give me a headache and make me cringe simultaneously.

lovesclimbing · April 2014

I do not mind gift registry cards included with invitations, and actually find it to be a convenience.

I do not mind being invited to showers but not invited to the wedding.

I love baby showers and will happily attend, even if it's your fifth child.

wrigleyville · April 2014

niki&rob said:

I do not understand why a gap is a faux pas, I have not been to a wedding without one. Personally I do not want to see my groom before the wedding, so when are you sopposed to do formal photos if you dont have a gap? I also do not mind if someone adds a registry card in their invite, I am not registered myself, but i think it helps those guests who do not like to give money, you know the older crowd.

You do all of the formal shots without the groom before the wedding (like, you with your family, you with your bridesmaids, etc), and then you do the shots with the groom afterward. It takes about 20-30 minutes TOPS.

If you want to go to the park down the street, then that adds another 10 minutes and is no biggie. That's just long enough for a cocktail hour. (A cocktail hour is not the same as a gap.)

When you get into these crazy 2-3 hour gaps because the WP is taking a party bus to some place 30 minutes away just to get that perfect beach shot, that's when it's rude to your guests.

larrygaga · April 2014

Even though it's okay to have a kid-free wedding, I think it's stupid. Kids are part of the family, not excrement of family members. I don't even have kids or want them for a very long time and I feel this way.

larrygaga · April 2014

Oh I have a goodie. I have a cousin who is into freaky stuff, and wants to have a Halloween wedding. She wanted to ask everyone to wear costumes (I told her to encourage it and then have a box at the reception with wigs and masks and other costume pieces, so people aren't pressured). She wants to dress like the corpse bride and all that. Her wedding will be have a legit Halloween party reception.

Normally I hate themed weddings, but I'm selfish and want to wear a costume to a wedding and I think it sounds hilarious and fun.

Jen4948 · April 2014

MrsMack10612 said:

I was also excited at the prospect of a FFF.

The E Board had given me the advice that I should have seating for half of my guests. So, we were expecting 120, I should have a minimum of 60 chairs during cocktail hour.

I would never expect a cocktail hour to have enough seats for every guest; I would expect folks to mingle.

I don't think failure to have seats for every guest during a cocktail hour, or for that matter any other time refreshments of any kind are served, promotes mingling. If anything, it distracts guests because they have to worry about juggling a cup, food, utensils, and napkins with two hands, while perhaps carrying a purse as well.

Jen4948 · April 2014

larrygaga said:

Even though it's okay to have a kid-free wedding, I think it's stupid. Kids are part of the family, not excrement of family members. I don't even have kids or want them for a very long time and I feel this way.

You're entitled to feel any way you like. I'm sorry, but I don't think it's stupid not to want to have kids crying, spitting up, putting things in their mouths that don't belong there, or putting their hands on things that they don't belong on at weddings if that's what you prefer-and not everyone thinks kids, even if they're part of the family, are "cute" or "adorable."

I do think that most kids are, and I love the ones in my family, but sorry, I don't want them at the ceremony or the reception. 364 days out of the year they are the stars of the show. My wedding is the one day in my life that I want me and my FI to be the stars and not the kids.

fionahalliwell · April 2014

Jen4948 said:

MrsMack10612 said:

I was also excited at the prospect of a FFF.

The E Board had given me the advice that I should have seating for half of my guests. So, we were expecting 120, I should have a minimum of 60 chairs during cocktail hour.

I would never expect a cocktail hour to have enough seats for every guest; I would expect folks to mingle.

I don't think failure to have seats for every guest during a cocktail hour, or for that matter any other time refreshments of any kind are served, promotes mingling. If anything, it distracts guests because they have to worry about juggling a cup, food, utensils, and napkins with two hands, while perhaps carrying a purse as well.

I don't think I've ever been to a cocktail hour where I've needed to tote around utensils. I'm sure they exist, but I've never experienced it. I have never really given a chair a second thought during cocktails. Generally, I see older people sitting, but the majority of the guests stand, walk to food stations, visit with people, etc.

I've also been to a lot of events where there's NO way the cocktail space could accommodate a chair for every person. The reception space can, but the cocktail space can't, and I didn't ever think that was rude. It wasn't until I came here that I even gave the idea any consideration.

APDSS22 · April 2014

KGold80 said:

grumbledore said:

KGold80 said:

grumbledore said:

My wedding isn't until November, but I doubt I'll suddenly go blind that day. I remember what certain people (coughcoughjeanscoughcough) wore to my first wedding ten years ago. I don't get nervous in social situations, I think I'll still be coherent.

Exactly this! I'm sorry, but we aren't spending a shit-ton of money (to us) to throw a classy event so people can show up in jeans and a t-shirt. That said, I've seen a lot of folks say on here that adults are supposed to know how to dress, but sometimes they just really, really don't. Info regarding attire will be posted on our website for sure and maybe a quick line will be included on the invitation as well - we'll keep it simple though - none of that kind of vague flowery language that no one understands.

WHOA WHOA WHOA

Hold on a minute, please. I did not say ANYWHERE that it is acceptable to tell people what to wear. It's not. Don't do it.

All I said was that I notice and care what people wear. And those observations and feelings are things I will politely keep to myself.

So allowing someone to stick out like a sore thumb because they are inappropriately dressed due to ignorance is somehow more polite than suggesting that they wear "Semiformal attire" or something along those lines? I wholeheartedly disagree.

The type of person who wouldn't find appropriate attire for a wedding on their own based on time of the event, invitation print and style and venue choice would have no clue what "semiformal" is supposed to mean. Is it black tie? Is a cocktail dress appropriate? Is everyone else wearing business attire or a sundress? Maybe they'll assume that means clean, non-ripped jeans. How many pictures do you plan on hanging in your home with all your guests in them where you'd notice someone "sticking out like a sore thumb"? Even writing it on the invitation will not magically make all your guests show up in your idea of appropriate attire. It won't kill anyone, but it might offend folks who would extrapolate that you don't think they can dress themselves.

I had a nice wedding at a Catholic church and a reception at a nearby restored hotel and someone wore a dress that practically showed off her cooch. (It might've after she had a few drinks from what I heard after.) Very inappropriate. But that is the sort of thing she wears out of the house. I noticed but I decided not to care. Did not affect my day, I am not less married because of it and she's the one who looked ridiculous. Of all the wedding photos taken, I think she's in maybe 3 of them, in the background. The only ones I'm considering hanging are the formal, posed shots at the ceremony and directly after and one with my husband and I by the cake.

Jen4948 · April 2014

fionahalliwell said:

Jen4948 said:

MrsMack10612 said:

I was also excited at the prospect of a FFF.

The E Board had given me the advice that I should have seating for half of my guests. So, we were expecting 120, I should have a minimum of 60 chairs during cocktail hour.

I would never expect a cocktail hour to have enough seats for every guest; I would expect folks to mingle.

I don't think failure to have seats for every guest during a cocktail hour, or for that matter any other time refreshments of any kind are served, promotes mingling. If anything, it distracts guests because they have to worry about juggling a cup, food, utensils, and napkins with two hands, while perhaps carrying a purse as well.

I don't think I've ever been to a cocktail hour where I've needed to tote around utensils. I'm sure they exist, but I've never experienced it. I have never really given a chair a second thought during cocktails. Generally, I see older people sitting, but the majority of the guests stand, walk to food stations, visit with people, etc.

I've also been to a lot of events where there's NO way the cocktail space could accommodate a chair for every person. The reception space can, but the cocktail space can't, and I didn't ever think that was rude. It wasn't until I came here that I even gave the idea any consideration.

Being at lots of events where this isn't done doesn't make it considerate and polite to not take into account the difficulties guests have in not being able to sit while drinking and eating their appetizers. I still think it's better to have someplace everyone can sit. It doesn't have to be in separate chairs; I've seen benches and sofas, which are fine. Just as long as there is a place. I do think it's inconsiderate of guests to crowd them into a space where there isn't room for a place for everyone to sit. That smacks of bad planning to me.

SP29 · April 2014

At my wedding, cocktail hour was in the same room as the reception (tables all set up). Everyone sat at their designated table- which is fine! (I would like to know where I'm sitting so I can drop off my purse and shawl and then go mingle). But my mom later complained that the wait staff kept bringing stuff to the same tables and not to all the tables and I'm thinking, "it's because you're supposed to be up mingling, not sitting in the same spot!".

I don't know how the above was helpful or contributed to the conversation in any way

. Chairs are nice, but then if the tables are set for the reception I guess guests assumed they had to sit down? Perhaps it would be better not to have the reception set up already, or the food out as a buffet at a different spot.

I think if the bride can wear whatever extravagant dress she wants, the groom can wear whatever he wants- suit, morning coat, tux- at any time of the day!

During the ceremony I didn't notice much of anything. At the reception I noticed what guests wore (mostly because I thought, "Oh that dress is cute!"). I have to say though that everyone dressed well. However, I would totally side eye someone showing up in jeans. As a guest at other weddings I have side-eyed attire. Of course I would never say anything or put it on an invitation, but I do think people should dress appropriately for an occasion (whatever that occasion is- wedding, job interview, work day). Then again, I also take issue with the current trend (and I am part of the generation that sports this trend) of wearing leggings as pants- they are not pants! They are tights/leggings- meant to be worn under a dress/skirt/long shirt as part of an outfit! But I digress...

I don't hate the money dance, IF it is part of your culture. Friends of ours were married a year ago and had a money dance. They are from the Philippines (as in they both immigrated to Canada as teens/adults), and in their culture the money given during the dance is meant as a well wish towards the marriage and for prosperity. Doesn't mean I would necessarily participate, or ever do one myself, (and I felt a bit awkward because at the wedding I had NO cash on me, DH had a $5 bill, so he used that... the rest of their Filipino families were showering them with $20s), but I don't side eye it in that case. I would if the B&G were doing it so they could have their wedding paid for.

And here's the big one- which I know many would like to bash me over the head for- though I would never recommend a Stag and Doe (Jack and Jill, Buck and Doe, whatever you want to call it), I don't hate them. I actually enjoy attending them, have a few times, and would in the future. I'm from southern ON and they are very common there, here in AB not so much (my friends here had no idea what one was). To me, it's no different than going out to a bar for the night. $10 gets you in and food is provided- a meal's worth (you'd spend more than $10 on food at a bar). Yes you buy your own drinks, but again they are cheaper than any bar you'd go to. In most cases there is a DJ or band, so you can spend the night dancing. Yes, there are games and raffles but you can choose to participate in those or not. I have gone to S&D's and spent no more than $20- cheaper than any bar night. I think as long as you know what you are being invited to, it's up to you (as the invited) to go or not, it's not like it's a secret what a S&D is.

RebeccaB88 · April 2014

I'll own up to it. I notice what people are wearing. Every day, every event, all the time. I would never say anything to the person I'm side eyeing so hard I can see my eardrums. (Unless they're exposing themselves or their period is leaking, something I'd want to fix if I was them.) What they want to wear is their business, not mine. It doesn't affect my enjoyment of the event any less. Whether they're choosing to be inappropriate, or don't know any better, it's still their choice. I can't tell them what to do.

But I can still judge them, eye roll them, talk about them in the car on the way home. No, it doesn't change the marriage or anything of that great importance. But what you choose to wear and how you choose to present yourself to the world DOES reflect on you, and how people perceive you, whether you want to agree with it or not. It's a thing. You aren't going to get the job if you show up for the interview wearing pajamas. Everyone knows you have to dress to show you're professional and understand the importance of the job you're applying for. You still wouldn't necessarily wear your interview suit to shop for groceries on Saturday morning, because it doesn't fit the occasion. Some people who do wear board shorts and a thank top to a wedding might still wear that to a job interview, but most others would grasp the difference between the events, and dress appropriately for the interview. There's no reason why they can't apply the same logic to all the other events in life.

I'll give a lot of leeway, but things like wearing all white to a wedding, or the wrong formalwear for the time of day or formality of event, jeans/athletic wear at a dressy event, should be simple. That kind of thing is mandatory in my family. I get that it's not everywhere, I really do. But it's learnable, if you want to. Just match the time of day and formality of the event so you can wear what you're most comfortable in. If you don't like morning coats, a suit is perfectly fine. Get married in shorts and a t-shirt, that's fine, but don't pretend it's formal. Get on the same page, compromise, and create something that reflects you. And as a guest, if you don't want to wear what's appropriate (and there will be a lot that is appropriate) you can suck it up and wear it, choose not to go, or just wear what you want and figure people like me can deal with it. If you still want to do whatever you want, you can, but you can't get upset with how people see you, after the fact. If that happens.

But, I grew up in a really formal family. We've relaxed a lot, but I'm still not comfortable anywhere if I'm not dressed appropriately. There are still things that are not negotiable, like no white at weddings and the correct formal wear for the time of day. But even if we are thinking 'oh honey, no, that's not right', our next thought is that we are still happy they are there. We just let them live with any consequences that happen. Because we can't tell them not to do something.

My mother, however, will call me out on anything etiquette related without a second thought, because she has that right as mom and she's the one who taught us this stuff. She wasn't about to tell my cousin she was rude for registering her entire destination elopement on Honeyfund, but she made sure I knew that if I pulled shit like that, she'd make sure I didn't survive long enough to get married. And we certainly talked about it.

KGold80 · April 2014

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

KGold80 said:

grumbledore said:

KGold80 said:

grumbledore said:

My wedding isn't until November, but I doubt I'll suddenly go blind that day. I remember what certain people (coughcoughjeanscoughcough) wore to my first wedding ten years ago. I don't get nervous in social situations, I think I'll still be coherent.

Exactly this! I'm sorry, but we aren't spending a shit-ton of money (to us) to throw a classy event so people can show up in jeans and a t-shirt. That said, I've seen a lot of folks say on here that adults are supposed to know how to dress, but sometimes they just really, really don't. Info regarding attire will be posted on our website for sure and maybe a quick line will be included on the invitation as well - we'll keep it simple though - none of that kind of vague flowery language that no one understands.

WHOA WHOA WHOA

Hold on a minute, please. I did not say ANYWHERE that it is acceptable to tell people what to wear. It's not. Don't do it.

All I said was that I notice and care what people wear. And those observations and feelings are things I will politely keep to myself.

So allowing someone to stick out like a sore thumb because they are inappropriately dressed due to ignorance is somehow more polite than suggesting that they wear "Semiformal attire" or something along those lines? I wholeheartedly disagree.

The type of person who wouldn't find appropriate attire for a wedding on their own based on time of the event, invitation print and style and venue choice would have no clue what "semiformal" is supposed to mean. Is it black tie? Is a cocktail dress appropriate? Is everyone else wearing business attire or a sundress? Maybe they'll assume that means clean, non-ripped jeans. How many pictures do you plan on hanging in your home with all your guests in them where you'd notice someone "sticking out like a sore thumb"? Even writing it on the invitation will not magically make all your guests show up in your idea of appropriate attire. It won't kill anyone, but it might offend folks who would extrapolate that you don't think they can dress themselves.

I had a nice wedding at a Catholic church and a reception at a nearby restored hotel and someone wore a dress that practically showed off her cooch. (It might've after she had a few drinks from what I heard after.) Very inappropriate. But that is the sort of thing she wears out of the house. I noticed but I decided not to care. Did not affect my day, I am not less married because of it and she's the one who looked ridiculous. Of all the wedding photos taken, I think she's in maybe 3 of them, in the background. The only ones I'm considering hanging are the formal, posed shots at the ceremony and directly after and one with my husband and I by the cake.

Yeah, I know you're right. If they don't know how to dress appropriately, they won't understand what "semiformal" means either. I come from very humble stock and am marrying into a much more affluent family. I just don't want to be embarrassed because if anyone wears stuff they really shouldn't, it'll be one of my family members. I know it's snobbish of me to feel that way. I'm sure I'll get over it and will in the end just be happy everyone is there.

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