Alcohol Dispute

zitiqueen · May 2014

StephM161984 said:

You are all reeming her about a cash bar is rude, well I think you expecting alcohol and then getting pissed that people don't have it at their wedding is even more rude!

Nope, cash bars are rude, plain and simple. We're trying to keep her from making as ass of herself. That's not rude. That's helpful.

Jen4948 · May 2014

StephM161984 said:

You saying you get pissed off and leave right after the meal if there is no alcohol is extremely rude and I, as a bride, would be beyond pissed by that behavior.

Stuck in the box:

While it would be rude of guests to state that the reason they are leaving is that no alcohol is being served, yes, guests are entitled to leave any time they like without giving a reason.

Jen4948 · May 2014

StephM161984 said:

You saying you get pissed off and leave right after the meal if there is no alcohol is extremely rude and I, as a bride, would be beyond pissed by that behavior.

Stuck in the box:

While it would be rude of guests to state that the reason they are leaving is that no alcohol is being served, yes, guests are entitled to leave any time they like without giving a reason.

JoanE2012 · May 2014

OwningAHome1981 said:

OwningAHome1981 said:

My family is perfectly capable of having a great time with no alcohol involved. If you get pissed because they don't offer alcohol, that says more about you than the hosts.
So is mine but here is how I see it: if you play your cards right you will probably make more $$ from what your guests give in checks than what you spend to have your wedding - esp if you go the non-traditional, DIY route. Therefore, your guests are spending more $$ to attend your wedding than you are. The least you can do is give them free booze.

You are coming off as a very entitled guestzilla. You are not entitled to expect any booze at all at someone else's wedding. They are not required to serve you alcohol at all and it's none of your business if they have the money to do so or not or what they got as gifts, if anything.
Please show me where I said I am said I am entitled to it b/c, strange, I cant seem to find it.

"The least you can do is give them free booze."

Sorry, but the least one can do is give someone free food and non-alcoholic drinks, along with a seat, working restrooms, and protection from the elements. No one is entitled to booze.
Nope, the word entitled still isnt in there.

You ever heard of the term "implied" ? Your statement implies an entitled attitude.
We can agree to disagree. You have misinterpreted me. No one is entitled to alcohol at any wedding ever but I do feel it is the right thing to do. No one likes being denied things. I dont feel it is right to deny guests alcohol unless it is a $$ issue - cant afford or whatnot. Otherwise have a limited bar but I really dont agree with cash bars or dry weddings. I'd rather pay for something I want though then to be completely denied it.

I want lobster for my entree and chocolate truffles for dessert. Should the host offer that for an additional charge?

Seriously, whatever happened to being grateful for what someone is hosting? Can't people get through a few hours without damn alcohol if the host chooses not have it for whatever reason?

meechellebelle · May 2014

I wouldn't leave a dry wedding but I have limited free time and am home with 15 month old twins all day. If I get a sitter and attend your wedding I would really hope that there's alcohol there. If you can't afford open bar then I would like the option to buy alcohol instead of there being none allowed. I understand that my opinion doesn't fit into the proper cookie cutter vision everyone here has but I'm totally fine with that. The bride and groom know their guests best. If they believe their guests would be angry at a dry wedding then have a bar. If you think your guests would be offended with cash bar then have open bar. I know my guests very well. I know that they are fine with a cash bar. You can keep telling me that I will have lots of unhappy guests over this but I know them best. And I know that isn't the case.

Jen4948 · May 2014

meechellebelle said:

I wouldn't leave a dry wedding but I have limited free time and am home with 15 month old twins all day. If I get a sitter and attend your wedding I would really hope that there's alcohol there. If you can't afford open bar then I would like the option to buy alcohol instead of there being none allowed. I understand that my opinion doesn't fit into the proper cookie cutter vision everyone here has but I'm totally fine with that. The bride and groom know their guests best. If they believe their guests would be angry at a dry wedding then have a bar. If you think your guests would be offended with cash bar then have open bar. I know my guests very well. I know that they are fine with a cash bar. You can keep telling me that I will have lots of unhappy guests over this but I know them best. And I know that isn't the case.

The expectation that any guest is entitled to alcohol at a wedding, or any other specific item as a provision, is not appropriate. It's not a "proper cookie cutter vision" thing. It's basic politeness. Just as you don't go to someone's house expecting to be served alcohol, the same applies to a wedding. The most you can hope for is food and drinks of some kind, but no host/ess is being rude to you by not providing alcohol, free or for sale. And it is rude of any host/ess to expect his/her guests to pay for anything.

OwningAHome1981 · May 2014

JoanE2012 said:

Jen4948 said:
OwningAHome1981 said:

Jen4948 said:

OwningAHome1981 said:

StephM161984 said:
My family is perfectly capable of having a great time with no alcohol involved. If you get pissed because they don't offer alcohol, that says more about you than the hosts.
So is mine but here is how I see it: if you play your cards right you will probably make more $$ from what your guests give in checks than what you spend to have your wedding - esp if you go the non-traditional, DIY route. Therefore, your guests are spending more $$ to attend your wedding than you are. The least you can do is give them free booze.

You are coming off as a very entitled guestzilla. You are not entitled to expect any booze at all at someone else's wedding. They are not required to serve you alcohol at all and it's none of your business if they have the money to do so or not or what they got as gifts, if anything.
Please show me where I said I am said I am entitled to it b/c, strange, I cant seem to find it.

"The least you can do is give them free booze."

Sorry, but the least one can do is give someone free food and non-alcoholic drinks, along with a seat, working restrooms, and protection from the elements. No one is entitled to booze.

Nope, the word entitled still isnt in there.

You ever heard of the term "implied" ? Your statement implies an entitled attitude.

We can agree to disagree. You have misinterpreted me. No one is entitled to alcohol at any wedding ever but I do feel it is the right thing to do. No one likes being denied things. I dont feel it is right to deny guests alcohol unless it is a $$ issue - cant afford or whatnot. Otherwise have a limited bar but I really dont agree with cash bars or dry weddings. I'd rather pay for something I want though then to be completely denied it.

I want lobster for my entree and chocolate truffles for dessert. Should the host offer that for an additional charge?

Seriously, whatever happened to being grateful for what

someone is hosting? Can't people get through a few hours without damn alcohol if the host chooses not have it for whatever reason?

Actually no. I have severe anxiety and alcohol looses me up and makes it easier for me to interact with people. Otherwise I am antisocial. I am not saying getting drunk, but one or 2 drinks I need to have in a crowded place otherwise it's too much and I'll get anxious and antsy.

Yes alcohol is very important to some people.

I never said cash bars are right - im not endorsing them but i'd much rather have the option available for cash then not at all. For me it's important as it cures my anxiety in certain situations.

Im speaking as a guest not a host.

April192002 · May 2014

You can't please everyone, though both parents are people you would want to please at your wedding, but unless his won't come if you do have alcohol or yours won't come if you don't, just do what you two want to do and can afford.

Have you looked into a limited bar - something that is only available during dinner or a 2 drink kind of thing? You would need to let your guests know so if you're not having a small-ish wedding or aren't close to everyone invited then this may be a little more difficult to pull off.

Jen4948 · May 2014

OwningAHome1981 said:

OwningAHome1981 said:

OwningAHome1981 said:

My family is perfectly capable of having a great time with no alcohol involved. If you get pissed because they don't offer alcohol, that says more about you than the hosts.
So is mine but here is how I see it: if you play your cards right you will probably make more $$ from what your guests give in checks than what you spend to have your wedding - esp if you go the non-traditional, DIY route. Therefore, your guests are spending more $$ to attend your wedding than you are. The least you can do is give them free booze.

You are coming off as a very entitled guestzilla. You are not entitled to expect any booze at all at someone else's wedding. They are not required to serve you alcohol at all and it's none of your business if they have the money to do so or not or what they got as gifts, if anything.
Please show me where I said I am said I am entitled to it b/c, strange, I cant seem to find it.

"The least you can do is give them free booze."

Sorry, but the least one can do is give someone free food and non-alcoholic drinks, along with a seat, working restrooms, and protection from the elements. No one is entitled to booze.
Nope, the word entitled still isnt in there.

You ever heard of the term "implied" ? Your statement implies an entitled attitude.
We can agree to disagree. You have misinterpreted me. No one is entitled to alcohol at any wedding ever but I do feel it is the right thing to do. No one likes being denied things. I dont feel it is right to deny guests alcohol unless it is a $$ issue - cant afford or whatnot. Otherwise have a limited bar but I really dont agree with cash bars or dry weddings. I'd rather pay for something I want though then to be completely denied it.

I want lobster for my entree and chocolate truffles for dessert. Should the host offer that for an additional charge?

Seriously, whatever happened to being grateful for what someone is hosting? Can't people get through a few hours without damn alcohol if the host chooses not have it for whatever reason?
Actually no. I have severe anxiety and alcohol looses me up and makes it easier for me to interact with people. Otherwise I am antisocial. I am not saying getting drunk, but one or 2 drinks I need to have in a crowded place otherwise it's too much and I'll get anxious and antsy. Yes alcohol is very important to some people. I never said cash bars are right - im not endorsing them but i'd much rather have the option available for cash then not at all. For me it's important as it cures my anxiety in certain situations. Im speaking as a guest not a host.

Sorry, but as a wedding guest you are not entitled to expect alcohol. Some hosts simply don't want to serve it, whether for free or for cash. And that's their right. It is not rude to not provide alcohol to one's guests, but it is rude to charge them for anything. While I sympathize with your anxiety issues, the expectation that you are entitled to alcohol is inappropriate. If you plan to attend a wedding, then you unfortunately need to find a way to deal with those issues that doesn't involve expecting to be served alcohol. You might not mind paying for it, but other guests do, and their right not to have to pay for it or anything else trumps anyone's need for alcohol.

JoanE2012 · May 2014

OwningAHome1981 said:

OwningAHome1981 said:

OwningAHome1981 said:

My family is perfectly capable of having a great time with no alcohol involved. If you get pissed because they don't offer alcohol, that says more about you than the hosts.
So is mine but here is how I see it: if you play your cards right you will probably make more $$ from what your guests give in checks than what you spend to have your wedding - esp if you go the non-traditional, DIY route. Therefore, your guests are spending more $$ to attend your wedding than you are. The least you can do is give them free booze.

You are coming off as a very entitled guestzilla. You are not entitled to expect any booze at all at someone else's wedding. They are not required to serve you alcohol at all and it's none of your business if they have the money to do so or not or what they got as gifts, if anything.
Please show me where I said I am said I am entitled to it b/c, strange, I cant seem to find it.

"The least you can do is give them free booze."

Sorry, but the least one can do is give someone free food and non-alcoholic drinks, along with a seat, working restrooms, and protection from the elements. No one is entitled to booze.
Nope, the word entitled still isnt in there.

You ever heard of the term "implied" ? Your statement implies an entitled attitude.
We can agree to disagree. You have misinterpreted me. No one is entitled to alcohol at any wedding ever but I do feel it is the right thing to do. No one likes being denied things. I dont feel it is right to deny guests alcohol unless it is a $$ issue - cant afford or whatnot. Otherwise have a limited bar but I really dont agree with cash bars or dry weddings. I'd rather pay for something I want though then to be completely denied it.

I want lobster for my entree and chocolate truffles for dessert. Should the host offer that for an additional charge?

Seriously, whatever happened to being grateful for what someone is hosting? Can't people get through a few hours without damn alcohol if the host chooses not have it for whatever reason?
Actually no. I have severe anxiety and alcohol looses me up and makes it easier for me to interact with people. Otherwise I am antisocial. I am not saying getting drunk, but one or 2 drinks I need to have in a crowded place otherwise it's too much and I'll get anxious and antsy. Yes alcohol is very important to some people. I never said cash bars are right - im not endorsing them but i'd much rather have the option available for cash then not at all. For me it's important as it cures my anxiety in certain situations. Im speaking as a guest not a host.

If you can't get through a few hours at an event without alcohol, you always have the option of declining the event or leaving the event early. But personally, if I had severe anxiety where I couldn't get through an event without alcohol, I'd be seeking professional help.

lyndausvi · May 2014

I really, really hate the "can't someone go a few hours with alcohol" argument. I can and do go hours, days and weeks without alcohol. However, when I go to a party I like a little something to drink. Most people I know are the same way. It's not that we "need" the alcohol. We enjoy a cocktail when socializing.

It's something I enjoy, but something that is not needed. Well, unless you want me to dance, this chick does not dance without something to drink first.

JoanE2012 · May 2014

lyndausvi said:

I really, really hate the "can't someone go a few hours with alcohol" argument. I can and do go hours, days and weeks without alcohol. However, when I go to a party I like a little something to drink. Most people I know are the same way. It's not that we "need" the alcohol. We enjoy a cocktail when socializing.

It's something I enjoy, but something that is not needed. Well, unless you want me to dance, this chick does not dance without something to drink first.

Of course, I love to get my drink on too. You won't find me on the dance floor unless I've had one or two. But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy a social event if alcohol is not being served. I think offering a cash bar in order to satisfy having alcohol at an event is rude. I'd be more pissed off at the host for wanting me to finance part of their party than having no alcohol.

Viczaesar · May 2014

My sister had a dry wedding. She served nonalcoholic wine, and her alcoholic father was having a grand ol' time until my dad accidentally spilled the beans about the wine being non-alcoholic. Then her dad quickly split to go to a bar.

CMGragain · May 2014

The bride and groom invite guests to their wedding ceremony to witness their union and to celebrate the occasion. They will personally thank each guest for attending, and offer them food and drink. Guests are expected to respect the traditions of the ceremony, give the couple their sincere best wishes and congratulations, and behave themselves as adults at the reception.

Complaining about the refreshments offered, or not offered, is rude!
Getting uncontrollably falling-down drunk is not only rude to your hosts, it is disrespectful of the occasion. (Getting buzzed is OK, as long as you don't do anything embarrassing to yourself or others, or try to drive a car.)
Using illegal substances at a wedding is just stupid. (I live in Colorado!)
Smoking in a non-smoking venue is rude.
Using foul or racist language at a wedding is inexcusably rude, and makes you look like an idiot.

When you are guests at a wedding, you have responsibilities. Notice that I did not mention gifts to the couple.

nash0814 · June 2014

April192002 said:

You can't please everyone, though both parents are people you would want to please at your wedding, but unless his won't come if you do have alcohol or yours won't come if you don't, just do what you two want to do and can afford.
Have you looked into a limited bar - something that is only available during dinner or a 2 drink kind of thing? You would need to let your guests know so if you're not having a small-ish wedding or aren't close to everyone invited then this may be a little more difficult to pull off.

CANT GET OUT OF THE BOX:
I have been trying to think of something so that both sides can "win" somewhat (and to the person that said that i shouldn't try to please everyone....it is our parents. It's not that we polled our guests and are trying to please everyone). Like maybe putting a bottle of wine or sparkling juice of tables, depending on the table and/or having the bar be available at 9 or 10pm...?

aleighbaker · June 2014

The majority of weddings I've been to have been cash bar. I've NEVER been bothered by this or thought they were hosting improperly, and will continue to not be bothered. I don't mind spending $20-$30 on my drinks, and I always go everywhere with extra cash. Weddings are expensive and drinking alcohol is not forced.

That said, we're hosting our bar because the drinks are very inexpensive and we've budgeted enough to do so. I don't find it rude to have a cash bar. I feel bad for this girl who is getting roasted by everyone though.

Jen4948 · June 2014

boodaddy77 said:
The majority of weddings I've been to have been cash bar. I've NEVER been bothered by this or thought they were hosting improperly, and will continue to not be bothered. I don't mind spending $20-$30 on my drinks, and I always go everywhere with extra cash. Weddings are expensive and drinking alcohol is not forced.

That said, we're hosting our bar because the drinks are very inexpensive and we've budgeted enough to do so. I don't find it rude to have a cash bar. I feel bad for this girl who is getting roasted by everyone though.
Stuck in box:
No one is "roasting" her. Disagreeing with someone is not "roasting."

She wants to have a cash bar and asked our opinions. For those of us who care about etiquette, well, etiquette holds that it is rude to have one. If she doesn't have one, then she isn't being rude.

I personally am willing to give the benefit of the doubt to anyone who has a cash bar who doesn't know that it's rude. But someone who has a cash bar after hearing that it is rude, here or elsewhere, can't claim that they didn't know.

JoanE2012 · June 2014

boodaddy77 said:

The majority of weddings I've been to have been cash bar. I've NEVER been bothered by this or thought they were hosting improperly, and will continue to not be bothered. I don't mind spending $20-$30 on my drinks, and I always go everywhere with extra cash. Weddings are expensive and drinking alcohol is not forced.

That said, we're hosting our bar because the drinks are very inexpensive and we've budgeted enough to do so. I don't find it rude to have a cash bar. I feel bad for this girl who is getting roasted by everyone though.

Asking anyone to open their wallet at an event you are hosting is rude. Do you charge friends and family for drinks when they come over your house? Weddings are the same thing, just on a larger scale. Everyone should host what they can afford the entire night. Asking your guests to finance part of your reception is extremely rude.

meechellebelle · June 2014

JoanE2012 said:

boodaddy77 said:

The majority of weddings I've been to have been cash bar. I've NEVER been bothered by this or thought they were hosting improperly, and will continue to not be bothered. I don't mind spending $20-$30 on my drinks, and I always go everywhere with extra cash. Weddings are expensive and drinking alcohol is not forced.

That said, we're hosting our bar because the drinks are very inexpensive and we've budgeted enough to do so. I don't find it rude to have a cash bar. I feel bad for this girl who is getting roasted by everyone though.

Asking anyone to open their wallet at an event you are hosting is rude. Do you charge friends and family for drinks when they come over your house? Weddings are the same thing, just on a larger scale. Everyone should host what they can afford the entire night. Asking your guests to finance part of your reception is extremely rude.

If someone feels that cash bars aren't rude then they're entitled to that opinion. I think we all understand that it's not correct or proper etiquette and that it's considered rude. I don't find cash bars rude either. I am allowed to feel this way. You can continue to tell me it's rude if you want but it won't change my mind.

banana468 · June 2014

meechellebelle said:

JoanE2012 said:

boodaddy77 said:

The majority of weddings I've been to have been cash bar. I've NEVER been bothered by this or thought they were hosting improperly, and will continue to not be bothered. I don't mind spending $20-$30 on my drinks, and I always go everywhere with extra cash. Weddings are expensive and drinking alcohol is not forced.

That said, we're hosting our bar because the drinks are very inexpensive and we've budgeted enough to do so. I don't find it rude to have a cash bar. I feel bad for this girl who is getting roasted by everyone though.

Asking anyone to open their wallet at an event you are hosting is rude. Do you charge friends and family for drinks when they come over your house? Weddings are the same thing, just on a larger scale. Everyone should host what they can afford the entire night. Asking your guests to finance part of your reception is extremely rude.

If someone feels that cash bars aren't rude then they're entitled to that opinion. I think we all understand that it's not correct or proper etiquette and that it's considered rude. I don't find cash bars rude either. I am allowed to feel this way. You can continue to tell me it's rude if you want but it won't change my mind.

I think it's in the semantics. You can't factually say that cash bars aren't rude. You can't even say that you don't think they're rude because that's like arguing about the color of the sky. BUT, you can say that you don't mind them. The issue is that you really should never argue in favor of the rude thing.

Jen4948 · June 2014

The fact that anyone "doesn't mind" a cash bar at a wedding or other hosted event still doesn't negate the etiquette rule that they are rude.

Since the advice we try to give here is to be polite and follow etiquette, it really doesn't put anyone in the best light to argue "that's just your opinion" (it's not) or "that's what we've always done" (not an excuse) or "my family/friends expect it" (they're being rude) or otherwise try to be defensive about a rude decision.

AddieCake · June 2014

I don't understand why the argument of "weddings are expensive" keeps coming up. How many fucking times do people have to be told that alcohol is not required at a wedding, and, therefore, asking guests to pay for it is not a legitimate excuse or way to cover wedding costs? Can't afford alcohol? Then just don't have any. We say it all the time. Clue in. Read the damned threads. Stop making fools of yourselves.

NYCBruin · June 2014

KLM7386 said:
I dunno, I'd rather pay cash for the option of alcohol than to have no alcohol at all.

If I'm paying for my own booze, I'd rather do it at a bar of my choosing. If I've taken the time to come to your wedding, at least have the courtesy to not treat me like a patron.

coco801 · June 2014

Cash bar no matter what is a big NO. Have you never read any of the advice on here or wedding magazines they all say a cash bar is not a good way to go because your guests have bought you a gift and have decided to be there, the least you can do is offer them drinks. Don't be a brat about it and say oh well I was never offended because I had to pay, honestly I don't bring cash or any money with me to a wedding, I would be honestly upset if someone said oh hey since you are here celebrating with us please spend more money on this wedding! Either open bar or no bar, now if you still feel the need to argue this point go start your own thread on how to make guests pay for more of your wedding, and I hope if you have a cash bar meechellebelle that you are also paying for your drinks since you can't be bothered to give free drinks to your guests.

hales2010 · June 2014

OwningAHome1981 said:

My Fi and I are paying for the wedding, my mom is helping with some (with what she can) and my Fi's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner only...

His parents feel very strongly about not having alcohol there period; they don't want it to be available at all. I was thinking that we could possibly try to find a compromise; that way we can meet half way. At the end of the day it is about my Fi and I but we want to make everyone happy too
Dry weddings = unhappy guests. I know I would absolutely be unhappy at a dry wedding, even if I knew about it prior b/c I like to drink.

See this right here is what I am talking about. I feel like regardless weddings are to have open bars (which I can not afford)

People say cash bars are so rude and inconsiderate to guests but you take alchol completely out and people will be upset or mad. From what I can tell in this case from what people are saying is these people should not have weddings. This upsets me because I am on a strict budget to the choices for me were cash bar or no bar. Like some of the previous people. I do not see anything wrong with a cash bar because my parents are paying for this and for them to pay for my friends and family (which we are having 125 guests) is almost rude to my parents.

Jen4948 · June 2014

hnbright2010 said:

In this case though I feel like it is a lose lose for people. Everyone tells people that cash bars are bad and rude. When they can not afford an open bar

OwningAHome1981 said:

My Fi and I are paying for the wedding, my mom is helping with some (with what she can) and my Fi's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner only...

His parents feel very strongly about not having alcohol there period; they don't want it to be available at all. I was thinking that we could possibly try to find a compromise; that way we can meet half way. At the end of the day it is about my Fi and I but we want to make everyone happy too
Dry weddings = unhappy guests. I know I would absolutely be unhappy at a dry wedding, even if I knew about it prior b/c I like to drink.

See this right here is what I am talking about. I feel like regardless weddings are to have open bars (which I can not afford)

People say cash bars are so rude and inconsiderate to guests but you take alchol completely out and people will be upset or mad.
They're the ones being rude to be "upset or mad" because they're not entitled to expect alcohol at someone else's occasion...even a wedding. It's up to the hosts, not the guests, to decide what should be served.
From what I can tell in this case from what people are saying is these people should not have weddings.
No one is suggesting any such thing. I don't get where you're getting this from.
This upsets me because I am on a strict budget to the choices for me were cash bar or no bar.
If you can't afford to pay for a bar, then the only option was no bar. Cash bar is not a legitimate polite option.
Like some of the previous people. I do not see anything wrong with a cash bar because my parents are paying for this and for them to pay for my friends and family (which we are having 125 guests) is almost rude to my parents.
Then you and your parents are being rude by providing something you expect your guests to pay for-whether or not it's alcohol. It IS rude to your parents, in fact, to expect them to pay for anything. If they choose not to pay for anything, then if you want it there, the costs need to come out of the pockets of you and your FI-not your guests'.

hales2010 · June 2014

Jen4948 said:

hnbright2010 said:

In this case though I feel like it is a lose lose for people. Everyone tells people that cash bars are bad and rude. When they can not afford an open bar

OwningAHome1981 said:

My Fi and I are paying for the wedding, my mom is helping with some (with what she can) and my Fi's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner only...

His parents feel very strongly about not having alcohol there period; they don't want it to be available at all. I was thinking that we could possibly try to find a compromise; that way we can meet half way. At the end of the day it is about my Fi and I but we want to make everyone happy too
Dry weddings = unhappy guests. I know I would absolutely be unhappy at a dry wedding, even if I knew about it prior b/c I like to drink.

See this right here is what I am talking about. I feel like regardless weddings are to have open bars (which I can not afford)

People say cash bars are so rude and inconsiderate to guests but you take alchol completely out and people will be upset or mad.
They're the ones being rude to be "upset or mad" because they're not entitled to expect alcohol at someone else's occasion...even a wedding. It's up to the hosts, not the guests, to decide what should be served.
From what I can tell in this case from what people are saying is these people should not have weddings.
No one is suggesting any such thing. I don't get where you're getting this from.
This upsets me because I am on a strict budget to the choices for me were cash bar or no bar.
If you can't afford to pay for a bar, then the only option was no bar. Cash bar is not a legitimate polite option.
Like some of the previous people. I do not see anything wrong with a cash bar because my parents are paying for this and for them to pay for my friends and family (which we are having 125 guests) is almost rude to my parents.
Then you and your parents are being rude by providing something you expect your guests to pay for-whether or not it's alcohol. It IS rude to your parents, in fact, to expect them to pay for anything. If they choose not to pay for anything, then if you want it there, the costs need to come out of the pockets of you and your FI-not your guests'.

It is just my assumption that if I dont have alcohol there people are going to mad or upset from what I have read on here. On litereally evey disccussion I have seen on the subject people are saying that have a cash bar is rude but to not have alcohol and people will be mad and upset because there is no booze. The bar is in the reception room regardless. There is not covering it up or getting rid of it. Regardless it will be there. My assumption is because everyone is saying pretty much the only proper thing to have is a open bar which my fiance and I can not afford since we will buying a house around this time and my parents are not the wealthiest of people. I could really careless about alcohol being there or not to be quite honest. I am just trying to say that after reading so many comments on this subject that it looks like no one will be happy unless there is an open bar.

Jen4948 · June 2014

hnbright2010 said:

Jen4948 said:

hnbright2010 said:

In this case though I feel like it is a lose lose for people. Everyone tells people that cash bars are bad and rude. When they can not afford an open bar

OwningAHome1981 said:

My Fi and I are paying for the wedding, my mom is helping with some (with what she can) and my Fi's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner only...

His parents feel very strongly about not having alcohol there period; they don't want it to be available at all. I was thinking that we could possibly try to find a compromise; that way we can meet half way. At the end of the day it is about my Fi and I but we want to make everyone happy too
Dry weddings = unhappy guests. I know I would absolutely be unhappy at a dry wedding, even if I knew about it prior b/c I like to drink.

See this right here is what I am talking about. I feel like regardless weddings are to have open bars (which I can not afford)

People say cash bars are so rude and inconsiderate to guests but you take alchol completely out and people will be upset or mad.
They're the ones being rude to be "upset or mad" because they're not entitled to expect alcohol at someone else's occasion...even a wedding. It's up to the hosts, not the guests, to decide what should be served.
From what I can tell in this case from what people are saying is these people should not have weddings.
No one is suggesting any such thing. I don't get where you're getting this from.
This upsets me because I am on a strict budget to the choices for me were cash bar or no bar.
If you can't afford to pay for a bar, then the only option was no bar. Cash bar is not a legitimate polite option.
Like some of the previous people. I do not see anything wrong with a cash bar because my parents are paying for this and for them to pay for my friends and family (which we are having 125 guests) is almost rude to my parents.
Then you and your parents are being rude by providing something you expect your guests to pay for-whether or not it's alcohol. It IS rude to your parents, in fact, to expect them to pay for anything. If they choose not to pay for anything, then if you want it there, the costs need to come out of the pockets of you and your FI-not your guests'.

It is just my assumption that if I dont have alcohol there people are going to mad or upset from what I have read on here. On litereally evey disccussion I have seen on the subject people are saying that have a cash bar is rude but to not have alcohol and people will be mad and upset because there is no booze. The bar is in the reception room regardless. There is not covering it up or getting rid of it. Regardless it will be there. My assumption is because everyone is saying pretty much the only proper thing to have is a open bar which my fiance and I can not afford since we will buying a house around this time and my parents are not the wealthiest of people. I could really careless about alcohol being there or not to be quite honest. I am just trying to say that after reading so many comments on this subject that it looks like no one will be happy unless there is an open bar.

If other people get upset because there is no alcohol there, then that's their problem. They're allowed to be upset or feel however they like about it, but they're not allowed to voice their opinion.

If you do want alcohol to be present, then it has to be provided in a way that your guests don't have to pay for. It can be an open bar or limited to what you can afford. It's also okay to have no alcohol, even if that "upsets" these guests. But where the etiquette line gets crossed is if your guests have to pay for their alcohol. That's a no-no.

JoanE2012 · June 2014

@hnbright2010 - It is rude to have a cash bar. Period. No guest should ever have to open their wallet at an event that you are hosting. If someone is upset because there is no alcohol (or chocolate cake or lobster or whatever), that's on them. When someone is hosting you, you should be grateful for what is provided to you. If someone is really that upset, they can leave the reception early.

nash0814 · June 2014

nash0814 said:

April192002 said:

You can't please everyone, though both parents are people you would want to please at your wedding, but unless his won't come if you do have alcohol or yours won't come if you don't, just do what you two want to do and can afford.
Have you looked into a limited bar - something that is only available during dinner or a 2 drink kind of thing? You would need to let your guests know so if you're not having a small-ish wedding or aren't close to everyone invited then this may be a little more difficult to pull off.

CANT GET OUT OF THE BOX:
I have been trying to think of something so that both sides can "win" somewhat (and to the person that said that i shouldn't try to please everyone....it is our parents. It's not that we polled our guests and are trying to please everyone). Like maybe putting a bottle of wine or sparkling juice of tables, depending on the table and/or having the bar be available at 9 or 10pm...?

Okay...all cash bar/open bar/no bar responses aside....I really need help trying to figure out what to do about my family wanting alcohol and my FI family being very against it. This was my last comment if anyone has any thoughts that can help me.

Alcohol Dispute

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