What people really think about your PPD...

crunchymamaof2 · June 2014

NYCBruin said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

MaryGraceRich said:

I know that you had to file the paperwork to put your H on your insurance (despite later finding out you didnt have.) I was just presenting you with the hypothetical situation of the company calling to confirm that you are married to see if you felt it was ok to call him H when it benefits you even if you dont "feel married" I think if you feel so strongly that you dont consider yourself married, then in a situation where the legality of your marriage would be question as in the scenario above, you should tell them no you are not married since in all other aspects you dont feel you are. I never said you are delusional I just think you are picking and choosing when you feel you are married and when you are not.

Life is plenty complicated without pondering far-fetched hypotheticals. Should the legality of our legal marital status come in to question in the next three months I guess I'll have to cross that bridge as I get to it. But since I'm banking on this situation being pretty smooth sailing from here on out, I'm hoping we coast over the finish line and life goes on, happily ever after.
---------- This isn't such a far fetched hypothetical. If your husband were in the hospital for any reason, the hospital staff would ask you if you were married if you wanted to visit during certain hours. How fortunate for you that this idea is just a "far-fetched hypothetical" but try to remember that these "far fetched hypotheticals" are what keep far too many Americans awake at night because they have no legal right to visit the person they love in the hospital because they happen to have the same genitals.
Over the years we've both been hospitalized. Never once have either of us been asked what our relation to the other was. I'm sure it was assumed we were married by hospital staff, which isn't appropriate but the way it is. And truthfully, I'd love for things to be different for same-sex couples in all 50 states. But my feelings about my relationship, married or otherwise, will not change that. So yes, the questioning of the legality of a legal document that was processed in accordance with the law between now and September, while perhaps not far-fetched is highly, highly unlikely.

I find this hard to believe. FI and I get asked if we are married for various reasons probably about once a week.

Are you really that surprised? Remember she lives in an alternate universe where perception is reality and the meaning of the truth really isn't the truth and all that other bullshit. Maybe those hospitals believe the legal and emotional aspects of relationships are separate

Jells2dot0 · June 2014

NYCBruin said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

MaryGraceRich said:

I know that you had to file the paperwork to put your H on your insurance (despite later finding out you didnt have.) I was just presenting you with the hypothetical situation of the company calling to confirm that you are married to see if you felt it was ok to call him H when it benefits you even if you dont "feel married" I think if you feel so strongly that you dont consider yourself married, then in a situation where the legality of your marriage would be question as in the scenario above, you should tell them no you are not married since in all other aspects you dont feel you are. I never said you are delusional I just think you are picking and choosing when you feel you are married and when you are not.

Life is plenty complicated without pondering far-fetched hypotheticals. Should the legality of our legal marital status come in to question in the next three months I guess I'll have to cross that bridge as I get to it. But since I'm banking on this situation being pretty smooth sailing from here on out, I'm hoping we coast over the finish line and life goes on, happily ever after.
---------- This isn't such a far fetched hypothetical. If your husband were in the hospital for any reason, the hospital staff would ask you if you were married if you wanted to visit during certain hours. How fortunate for you that this idea is just a "far-fetched hypothetical" but try to remember that these "far fetched hypotheticals" are what keep far too many Americans awake at night because they have no legal right to visit the person they love in the hospital because they happen to have the same genitals.
Over the years we've both been hospitalized. Never once have either of us been asked what our relation to the other was. I'm sure it was assumed we were married by hospital staff, which isn't appropriate but the way it is. And truthfully, I'd love for things to be different for same-sex couples in all 50 states. But my feelings about my relationship, married or otherwise, will not change that. So yes, the questioning of the legality of a legal document that was processed in accordance with the law between now and September, while perhaps not far-fetched is highly, highly unlikely.

I find this hard to believe. FI and I get asked if we are married for various reasons probably about once a week.

I agree. I have been in and out of the hospital a few times over the last month. Every time I've had a procedure done, I'm asked if I have a living will in place. When I say no, they remind me that the decisions fall to my husband. If I was not married, the decisions would fall to my parents. So, it does matter in those terms, which are pretty darn important.

ScoutF · June 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

NYCBruin said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

MaryGraceRich said:

I know that you had to file the paperwork to put your H on your insurance (despite later finding out you didnt have.) I was just presenting you with the hypothetical situation of the company calling to confirm that you are married to see if you felt it was ok to call him H when it benefits you even if you dont "feel married"
I think if you feel so strongly that you dont consider yourself married, then in a situation where the legality of your marriage would be question as in the scenario above, you should tell them no you are not married since in all other aspects you dont feel you are.
I never said you are delusional I just think you are picking and choosing when you feel you are married and when you are not.

Life is plenty complicated without pondering far-fetched hypotheticals. Should the legality of our legal marital status come in to question in the next three months I guess I'll have to cross that bridge as I get to it. But since I'm banking on this situation being pretty smooth sailing from here on out, I'm hoping we coast over the finish line and life goes on, happily ever after.
----------

This isn't such a far fetched hypothetical. If your husband were in the hospital for any reason, the hospital staff would ask you if you were married if you wanted to visit during certain hours. How fortunate for you that this idea is just a "far-fetched hypothetical" but try to remember that these "far fetched hypotheticals" are what keep far too many Americans awake at night because they have no legal right to visit the person they love in the hospital because they happen to have the same genitals.

Over the years we've both been hospitalized. Never once have either of us been asked what our relation to the other was. I'm sure it was assumed we were married by hospital staff, which isn't appropriate but the way it is. And truthfully, I'd love for things to be different for same-sex couples in all 50 states. But my feelings about my relationship, married or otherwise, will not change that. So yes, the questioning of the legality of a legal document that was processed in accordance with the law between now and September, while perhaps not far-fetched is highly, highly unlikely.

***********************
This is not as unlikely as you might think. My H was in a bad motorcycle wreck on our one month anniversary and was in the hospital for a week. I would not have been able to find out his condition that day, talk to his doctor and nurses, or stay with him at night if it weren't for that pesky little piece of paper that you don't care for. Whether you feel married or not, you need to face the fact that you are legally married. Stop lying to your family and friends.

kitsunegari89 · June 2014

Schrödinger's marriage license: The Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics implies that after a while in the box, the license simultaneously matters and does not matter. Yet, when one looks in the box, one sees the license either matters or does not matter, not both. This poses the question of when exactly quantum superposition ends and reality collapses into one possibility or the other.

Cookie Pusher · June 2014

Not surprisingly, MrsEverhart hasn't actually answered the question posed to her, but simply danced around it. It's a simple question: If you were in a situation where someone asked your marital status, would you say you're married?

mrs4everhart · June 2014

NYCBruin said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

MaryGraceRich said:

I know that you had to file the paperwork to put your H on your insurance (despite later finding out you didnt have.) I was just presenting you with the hypothetical situation of the company calling to confirm that you are married to see if you felt it was ok to call him H when it benefits you even if you dont "feel married" I think if you feel so strongly that you dont consider yourself married, then in a situation where the legality of your marriage would be question as in the scenario above, you should tell them no you are not married since in all other aspects you dont feel you are. I never said you are delusional I just think you are picking and choosing when you feel you are married and when you are not.

Life is plenty complicated without pondering far-fetched hypotheticals. Should the legality of our legal marital status come in to question in the next three months I guess I'll have to cross that bridge as I get to it. But since I'm banking on this situation being pretty smooth sailing from here on out, I'm hoping we coast over the finish line and life goes on, happily ever after.
---------- This isn't such a far fetched hypothetical. If your husband were in the hospital for any reason, the hospital staff would ask you if you were married if you wanted to visit during certain hours. How fortunate for you that this idea is just a "far-fetched hypothetical" but try to remember that these "far fetched hypotheticals" are what keep far too many Americans awake at night because they have no legal right to visit the person they love in the hospital because they happen to have the same genitals.
Over the years we've both been hospitalized. Never once have either of us been asked what our relation to the other was. I'm sure it was assumed we were married by hospital staff, which isn't appropriate but the way it is. And truthfully, I'd love for things to be different for same-sex couples in all 50 states. But my feelings about my relationship, married or otherwise, will not change that. So yes, the questioning of the legality of a legal document that was processed in accordance with the law between now and September, while perhaps not far-fetched is highly, highly unlikely.

I find this hard to believe. FI and I get asked if we are married for various reasons probably about once a week.

I'm glad what you believe and what you don't isn't my problem. To the second sentence, that's really, really weird. I can't think of a time, prior to the insurance debacle, that our legal relationship status has been brought in to question.

crunchymamaof2 said:

NYCBruin said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

MaryGraceRich said:

I know that you had to file the paperwork to put your H on your insurance (despite later finding out you didnt have.) I was just presenting you with the hypothetical situation of the company calling to confirm that you are married to see if you felt it was ok to call him H when it benefits you even if you dont "feel married" I think if you feel so strongly that you dont consider yourself married, then in a situation where the legality of your marriage would be question as in the scenario above, you should tell them no you are not married since in all other aspects you dont feel you are. I never said you are delusional I just think you are picking and choosing when you feel you are married and when you are not.

Life is plenty complicated without pondering far-fetched hypotheticals. Should the legality of our legal marital status come in to question in the next three months I guess I'll have to cross that bridge as I get to it. But since I'm banking on this situation being pretty smooth sailing from here on out, I'm hoping we coast over the finish line and life goes on, happily ever after.
---------- This isn't such a far fetched hypothetical. If your husband were in the hospital for any reason, the hospital staff would ask you if you were married if you wanted to visit during certain hours. How fortunate for you that this idea is just a "far-fetched hypothetical" but try to remember that these "far fetched hypotheticals" are what keep far too many Americans awake at night because they have no legal right to visit the person they love in the hospital because they happen to have the same genitals.
Over the years we've both been hospitalized. Never once have either of us been asked what our relation to the other was. I'm sure it was assumed we were married by hospital staff, which isn't appropriate but the way it is. And truthfully, I'd love for things to be different for same-sex couples in all 50 states. But my feelings about my relationship, married or otherwise, will not change that. So yes, the questioning of the legality of a legal document that was processed in accordance with the law between now and September, while perhaps not far-fetched is highly, highly unlikely.

I find this hard to believe. FI and I get asked if we are married for various reasons probably about once a week.

Are you really that surprised? Remember she lives in an alternate universe where perception is reality and the meaning of the truth really isn't the truth and all that other bullshit. Maybe those hospitals believe the legal and emotional aspects of relationships are separate

Or maybe those hospitals have less stringent policies about visitors? Maybe it's the state we live in? I didn't ask. In each instance, at two different hospitals, one in Denver one in Loveland, the hospital staff bent over backward to accommodate he and I. I don't know why. Why would we have asked? How would that even go? "Um, excuse me, thank you for doing exactly as we would like, but are you aware that possibly technically or legally speaking, you're not really supposed to?" Yea, I was never that dick in the back of the classroom who'd remind the teacher s/he forgot to collect last night's homework either. I didn't bother checking local and state law before needing an emergency blood transfusion or surgery. I'm thankful no one batted an eye and that was that.

Jells2dot0 said:

NYCBruin said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

MaryGraceRich said:

I know that you had to file the paperwork to put your H on your insurance (despite later finding out you didnt have.) I was just presenting you with the hypothetical situation of the company calling to confirm that you are married to see if you felt it was ok to call him H when it benefits you even if you dont "feel married" I think if you feel so strongly that you dont consider yourself married, then in a situation where the legality of your marriage would be question as in the scenario above, you should tell them no you are not married since in all other aspects you dont feel you are. I never said you are delusional I just think you are picking and choosing when you feel you are married and when you are not.

Life is plenty complicated without pondering far-fetched hypotheticals. Should the legality of our legal marital status come in to question in the next three months I guess I'll have to cross that bridge as I get to it. But since I'm banking on this situation being pretty smooth sailing from here on out, I'm hoping we coast over the finish line and life goes on, happily ever after.
---------- This isn't such a far fetched hypothetical. If your husband were in the hospital for any reason, the hospital staff would ask you if you were married if you wanted to visit during certain hours. How fortunate for you that this idea is just a "far-fetched hypothetical" but try to remember that these "far fetched hypotheticals" are what keep far too many Americans awake at night because they have no legal right to visit the person they love in the hospital because they happen to have the same genitals.
Over the years we've both been hospitalized. Never once have either of us been asked what our relation to the other was. I'm sure it was assumed we were married by hospital staff, which isn't appropriate but the way it is. And truthfully, I'd love for things to be different for same-sex couples in all 50 states. But my feelings about my relationship, married or otherwise, will not change that. So yes, the questioning of the legality of a legal document that was processed in accordance with the law between now and September, while perhaps not far-fetched is highly, highly unlikely.

I find this hard to believe. FI and I get asked if we are married for various reasons probably about once a week.

I agree. I have been in and out of the hospital a few times over the last month. Every time I've had a procedure done, I'm asked if I have a living will in place. When I say no, they remind me that the decisions fall to my husband. If I was not married, the decisions would fall to my parents. So, it does matter in those terms, which are pretty darn important.

When we filled out living wills, we named the other as to who had legal decision making capabilities. No one attempted to correct or amend this. Our families were both aware of this and no one was surprised or put out. God forbid something had gone wrong and one of us died it would have been our family's prerogative to sue for our estate despite various legal protections already in place. But they wouldn't have. They accepted our relationship a long time ago, and for many years remained firm that we wouldn't be getting married but would remain committed to the other. However, at no time did anyone in a hospital ask for proof of our legal status. Maybe they made assumptions? Wasn't in my best interest to correct them, nor was it anything we even thought of at the time.

Cookie Pusher said:

Not surprisingly, MrsEverhart hasn't actually answered the question posed to her, but simply danced around it. It's a simple question: If you were in a situation where someone asked your marital status, would you say you're married?

You are aware a woman is under no obligation to change her name, correct? Nor does she have to change it directly thereafter she signs her marriage certificate. I am no more Mrs. Everhart today than I have ever been. I haven't danced around anything - I cannot fathom who in the hell would ask such a thing. 9 years and it came up once. If you'd like an answer, the best I can give is who's asking and why? That would determine my answer, and of course what could be gained or lost.

banana468 · June 2014

I'm going to need to make the 2 hour round trip to my parents' home to get my tap shoes out of storage in order to be able to understand alreadyMrs.Everhart.

mrs4everhart · June 2014

banana468 said:
I'm going to need to make the 2 hour round trip to my parents' home to get my tap shoes out of storage in order to be able to understand alreadyMrs.Everhart.

If you can't comprehend simple English, you may need more than tap shoes.

banana468 · June 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

I'm going to need to make the 2 hour round trip to my parents' home to get my tap shoes out of storage in order to be able to understand alreadyMrs.Everhart.
If you can't comprehend simple English, you may need more than tap shoes.

English I comprehend just fine. What I can't understand is how you rationalize the things that you do. If you aren't suffering from some psychological delusion then please just don't reproduce.

mrs4everhart · June 2014

banana468 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

banana468 said:
I'm going to need to make the 2 hour round trip to my parents' home to get my tap shoes out of storage in order to be able to understand alreadyMrs.Everhart.
If you can't comprehend simple English, you may need more than tap shoes.

English I comprehend just fine. What I can't understand is how you rationalize the things that you do. If you aren't suffering from some psychological delusion then please just don't reproduce.

That I can promise. Neither of us can stand children and we enjoy DINK life immensely. Children should only be had by those that want them, they're not accessories nor requisite. As for my psychological delusions, who knows, I may be certifiable?!

NYCBruin · June 2014

I'm curious about this mythical hospital that is apparently unaware of HIPPA and other medical laws, I bet I can find a few lawyers that would love to cash in on that.

But really @STBMrsEverhart‌ the question you are avoiding is simple: if someone asked you your marital status was (for any reason), what would you say?

MobKaz · June 2014

Cookie Pusher said:

Not surprisingly, MrsEverhart hasn't actually answered the question posed to her, but simply danced around it. It's a simple question: If you were in a situation where someone asked your marital status, would you say you're married?

I guess when you are a liar and your pants are on fire most of the time, you are accustomed to dancing throughout your day.

pinkshorts27 · June 2014

What I thought when I saw her quote about the truth:

ETA: damn it won't show:

(CLICKY to YOUTUBE)

mrs4everhart · June 2014

NYCBruin said:

I'm curious about this mythical hospital that is apparently unaware of HIPPA and other medical laws, I bet I can find a few lawyers that would love to cash in on that. But really @STBMrsEverhart‌ the question you are avoiding is simple: if someone asked you your marital status was (for any reason), what would you say?

********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

As I said above, hospital personnel making assumptions about people's relationships may not be right but that's the most logical explanation in our case. And whether or not some attorney out there would like to litigate something like this or not in the name of HIPPA, I imagine they'd need a complaining witness and since in cases such as ours the hospital staff's lackadaisical attitude toward the rules actually worked in our favor so this doesn't seem like it would gain much traction.

I believe my answer to the question was: who's asking and why? What is to be gained or lost by my answer? Obviously my answer may very well be different depending upon the scenario. If it's only come up once in almost 9 years, I'm feeling pretty good about it not coming up in the next three months. I think we're in the clear and probably won't find any necessity to talk about with people.

mrs4everhart · June 2014

MobKaz said: Cookie Pusher said: Not surprisingly, MrsEverhart hasn't actually answered the question posed to her, but simply danced around it. It's a simple question: If you were in a situation where someone asked your marital status, would you say you're married? I guess when you are a liar and your pants are on fire most of the time, you are accustomed to dancing throughout your day.

Oh my, I'm a lucky girl! Dancing throughout my days AND a nomination to the Presidency of the Liars Club!? Who knew the windfall I'd encounter when I chose what is and isn't the business of others?! I'm going to have to research the bylaws of course, I hope there's no term limits to this most prestigious office. I really think I can make a difference in my service to others who find their pants afire! Where to begin.........

Edited: these quote boxes suck.

MobKaz · June 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

MobKaz said:

Cookie Pusher said:

Not surprisingly, MrsEverhart hasn't actually answered the question posed to her, but simply danced around it. It's a simple question: If you were in a situation where someone asked your marital status, would you say you're married?

I guess when you are a liar and your pants are on fire most of the time, you are accustomed to dancing throughout your day.

Oh my, I'm a lucky girl! Dancing throughout my days AND a nomination to the Presidency of the Liars Club!? Who knew the windfall I'd encounter when I chose what is and isn't the business of others truth?! I'm going to have to research the bylaws of course, I hope there's no term limits to this most prestigious office. I really think I can make a difference in my service to others who find their pants afire lie! Where to begin.........

Edited: these quote boxes suck.

ladyamanuet · June 2014

Ladies, can I make a recommendation for us all regarding the already married to Mr Everhart?

http://youtu.be/G9CZjr7rf6E?t=1m5s

She says "what would be gained or lost" - she KNOWS what she is doing is wrong - if she didn't, she wouldn't think there would be anything to be lost. We are not going to convince her what she is doing is wrong - she knows and she doesn't care. She wants her AWish parties, she wants to live in a fantasy. Let's not feed the fire. When someone finds out (which they ABSOLUTELY will) and it blows up in her face and she gets burned, she'll realize all she had to do was tell the truth. We can't do that for her.

ETA: Ugh, that video was supposed to start at 1:05 "DISENGAGE I REPEAT DISENGAGE!"

NYCBruin · June 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

NYCBruin said:

I'm curious about this mythical hospital that is apparently unaware of HIPPA and other medical laws, I bet I can find a few lawyers that would love to cash in on that. But really @STBMrsEverhart‌ the question you are avoiding is simple: if someone asked you your marital status was (for any reason), what would you say?

********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

As I said above, hospital personnel making assumptions about people's relationships may not be right but that's the most logical explanation in our case. And whether or not some attorney out there would like to litigate something like this or not in the name of HIPPA, I imagine they'd need a complaining witness and since in cases such as ours the hospital staff's lackadaisical attitude toward the rules actually worked in our favor so this doesn't seem like it would gain much traction.

I believe my answer to the question was: who's asking and why? What is to be gained or lost by my answer? Obviously my answer may very well be different depending upon the scenario. If it's only come up once in almost 9 years, I'm feeling pretty good about it not coming up in the next three months. I think we're in the clear and probably won't find any necessity to talk about with people.

Let's pretend your husband were in a real legitimate hospital that isn't full of idiots who are opening themselves up to lots of liability by disregarding privacy laws. You want to visit him after hours. The nurse rightfully asks what your relationship is to the patient:

WHAT. DO. YOU. SAY ?

Or, let's just say you're filling out paperwork and there's a line for "emergency contact" and "relationship" what do you put there? (And by the way there's no way THIS question has never come up)

LDay2014 · June 2014

You know, it's the first time I've ever said it...but I feel bad for her husband.

annathy03 · June 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

NYCBruin said:

I'm curious about this mythical hospital that is apparently unaware of HIPPA and other medical laws, I bet I can find a few lawyers that would love to cash in on that. But really @STBMrsEverhart‌ the question you are avoiding is simple: if someone asked you your marital status was (for any reason), what would you say?

********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

As I said above, hospital personnel making assumptions about people's relationships may not be right but that's the most logical explanation in our case. And whether or not some attorney out there would like to litigate something like this or not in the name of HIPPA, I imagine they'd need a complaining witness and since in cases such as ours the hospital staff's lackadaisical attitude toward the rules actually worked in our favor so this doesn't seem like it would gain much traction.

I believe my answer to the question was: who's asking and why? What is to be gained or lost by my answer? Obviously my answer may very well be different depending upon the scenario. If it's only come up once in almost 9 years, I'm feeling pretty good about it not coming up in the next three months. I think we're in the clear and probably won't find any necessity to talk about with people.

Since it wasn't apparent to you, the people asking would be one or more of your guests. What is to be gained is grace, and lost is friendship, because you can bet your britches some of your guests don't appreciate being lied to and deceived.

And it may not come up in the next three months, but if I found out after I'd spent my vacation time and travel budget to see a PPD I'd be livid at the couple. If I knew before I committed those resources I may still choose to go, but the lying would damage the friendship no matter when I found out.

MobKaz · June 2014

Musikalbunni said:

Telling ya' there are people who should be in politics.

That whole people don't mind my lies shit is that - shit.

Sadly, the state of Illinois had a governor who blatantly lied, and often had delusional thoughts as a result of his narcissistic personality. He is now serving a 14 year prison sentence because the truth always comes out, no matter how smug, arrogant, or immune one thinks they are.

SachaBee · June 2014

I just want to take a minute here and be thankful that I have honest, gracious, wonderful friends and family (and for the honest, gracious, hilarious betches on these boards) who keep me from going off the rails like *cough* some posters.

hellosweetie1015 · June 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

wrigleyville said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

I put my foot down and told my husband no, we wouldn't be having a bloody, zombie cake as our party cake (I don't usually just say no, but that's just not what I want in the pics years from now). It may be beyond the pale of rude, atrocious attention whoring but anyone who doesn't want hosted tacos, margs and cake is welcome to stay home. I know where we'll be partying that day!

FTFY

*****************************************************************************************************

No need to fix anything. I chose my words with purpose. If I don't consider him my husband, or call him that, why would I start now? He doesn't refer to me as his wife, nor would I want him to. We'll start as soon as we're pronounced as such after we exchange vows at our wedding. Let's put it this way - if we were suddenly to break up between now and September, I wouldn't think of it as going through a divorce. So why until then would I consider it a marriage? Oh, that's right, I wouldn't.

Not really sure how I feel about the shortened version of margarita being likened to totes or adorbs, two words I've never uttered nor would I ever. Not sure I'll be loosing sleep over it one way or the other though. I'm just excited for a multi-week tequila bender honestly.

Edited - another day of cracked out quote boxes on TK.

To the bold: Pretty sure the State, the Court system, and the lawyer you have to hire to sort it out would ALL call it a divorce, charge you for a divorce, and treat it as a divorce. So... really, that argument is out.

(Beating a dead horse? Probably. Worth pointing out anyway since it pretty much sounds like, if they break up, it meets the

LEGAL DEFINITION

of a divorce? Definitely.)

djfivenine · June 2014

You guys, you can't reason with crazy.

Jen4948 · June 2014

djfivenine said:

You guys, you can't reason with crazy.

No, but I'll give it a try.

Marriage, regardless of what belief system you have, is a social, political, and perhaps religious act that unites you two as a couple in the eyes of the society you live in. If you are an American or living in the US, then that's American society together with whatever religious ceremony your religion has. So whatever your opinion of the government is, if you are not legally married, then that's a big deal, because society will not recognize you as "married" regardless of how "married" you feel your personal ceremony is.

And conversely, if you went through a legal ceremony, then yes, society does indeed recognize you as "married" and claiming the legal benefits of marriage while pretending you are not and claiming not to recognize the government's role in defining whether or not you are "married" or that you "don't care about it" is an insult not only to those who can't get legally married and claim those benefits, it is also insulting to the taxpayers who have to dole out those benefits to you while you pretend you aren't eligible for them.

So knock off the bullshit about whether or not a legal ceremony is or isn't a wedding or whether or not by itself it makes you "feel married." If you have the legal ceremony but nothing else, you are "married." If you have the legal ceremony ahead of time and a PPD later, your "wedding" is the legal ceremony. Not the PPD.

Simply Fated · June 2014

Oooh I wasn't going to say anything because omg there is so much crazy going on here and what if it's contagious, but I have something to add...
My mom was allowed to visit her bf when he was in the hospital. She suspects they knew they weren't married, but they turned the other way. Not every hospital will be that generous. Some actually pride themselves on being conservative. I know, I receive pamphlets from them in the mail. The pamphlets make great coasters. Anyway, there could be a time when being legally married might come in handy, but wouldn't it be weird to be a "fair weather wife?"

TerriHugg · June 2014

I understand why some people have problems with what you all call PPD's. I know there's the "mockery" aspect as well as the "lying" or withholding of information that goes along with some of them which can be problematic.

However, I just wanted to state that I had the pleasure of attending a second ceremony this past weekend of a couple who was legally wed earlier this year for personal reasons. Despite having known that they already fulfilled legal requirements beforehand, I still teared up and smiled uncontrollably as they said their written vows to each other this past weekend. Legally binding or not, already married or not, it was one of the most beautiful weddings/ceremonies I have ever attended. And I've attended my fair share of weddings... I even still opted to give them a real wedding gift instead of a rooster, etiquette book or whatever else some people joke about giving when it comes to "PPD's"

I explain all of this because while some people are understandably put off by "PPD's", I am not one of those people and don't feel the need to judge, side eye or be offended by them whether or not the information is disclosed to me. And even if I don't agree with the decision, I choose to respect it because for whatever reason it was right for them.

However, I do agree that brides that do choose this route need to be aware that not everyone will be ok with it.

Side note: In defense of STBMsEVerHart - As someone who was born with a medical birth defect and has surgeries multiple times a year at various hospitals, you'd be surprised how many hospitals actually don't ask about relationship status, etc. when it comes to living wills, medical decisions, or emergency contacts. It is something they are required to do as part of their normal procedures, but many just don't do it. And of course, it's something that can result in law suits, but a lot of hospital staff just don't do it.

MobKaz · June 2014

TerriHugg said:

I understand why some people have problems with what you all call PPD's. I know there's the "mockery" aspect as well as the "lying" or withholding of information that goes along with some of them which can be problematic.

However, I just wanted to state that I had the pleasure of attending a second ceremony this past weekend of a couple who was legally wed earlier this year for personal reasons. Despite having known that they already fulfilled legal requirements beforehand, I still teared up and smiled uncontrollably as they said their written vows to each other this past weekend. Legally binding or not, already married or not, it was one of the most beautiful weddings/ceremonies I have ever attended. And I've attended my fair share of weddings... I even still opted to give them a real wedding gift instead of a rooster, etiquette book or whatever else some people joke about giving when it comes to "PPD's"

I explain all of this because while some people are understandably put off by "PPD's", I am not one of those people and don't feel the need to judge, side eye or be offended by them whether or not the information is disclosed to me. And even if I don't agree with the decision, I choose to respect it because for whatever reason it was right for them.

However, I do agree that brides that do choose this route need to be aware that not everyone will be ok with it.

Side note: In defense of STBMsEVerHart - As someone who was born with a medical birth defect and has surgeries multiple times a year at various hospitals, you'd be surprised how many hospitals actually don't ask about relationship status, etc. when it comes to living wills, medical decisions, or emergency contacts. It is something they are required to do as part of their normal procedures, but many just don't do it. And of course, it's something that can result in law suits, but a lot of hospital staff just don't do it.

Herein LIES the difference between your point and the point countless others are trying to make......you knew the TRUTH. You attended AWARE of the situation. The divisive point regarding PPD's is whether guests know the TRUTH behind the reenactment. Let guests be aware so that they can make their decision as to whether they attend. How can something so simple be so difficult?

TerriHugg · June 2014

I've also been to a wedding in which the information of a preceding legal marriage beforehand was withheld for me and I chose not to hold it against the couple. I respected their decision even though they "lied" about it. ETA: My point still stands because it really a response to the originally post discussing "what people really think about your PPD." I posted the example, I did because I wanted to point out that with even knowing it was a PPD beforehand I still chose not to gossip, but support the couple the same unlike the bridesmaids mentioned in the original post. However, as stated I do understand why people have an issue with PPDs and feel otherwise. I was making it clear that I am not one of those people to be offended.

MobKaz · June 2014

TerriHugg said:

I've also been to a wedding in which the information of a preceding legal marriage beforehand was withheld for me and I chose not to hold it against the couple. I respected their decision even though they "lied" about it

But you attended NOT knowing the truth. People will and do hold it against the couple when they are lied to because..... they were lied to. Either someone lies or they don't. There is no such thing as "lied".

What people really think about your PPD...

Re: What people really think about your PPD...

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