Nothing more to say here that hasn't already been said. Sending strength and good vibes your way. One of the toughest things in the world is to know you must do what seems to be impossible, and to take the first steps in that direction. Baby steps if you have to. Just get through today, this afternoon, the next hour, the next 5 minutes, whatever it takes. Please keep talking to us and let us know you and the kids are ok. Vent, ask for vibes, gather your strength, dump on us, celebrate, whatever you need. Do it here.
Don't freak out. Just busy with the kids. I'll update when. I get to work.
I'm sorry, but I have to laugh at YOU telling me to not freak out when you're the one in this situation poor choice of words on my part. Just wanting the best possible outcome for you all and thinking of you all. xo.
That's just so awful It sounds like you guys may need to see a counselor to try to get things under control. If it happens again, please tell someone!! There's no reason for you or your kids to be in danger, or to live in fear of being hurt!
Everything went alright yesterday. I got home from work and he was leaving. I made him give me his keys and the lock change thing. He asked what he should do. I told him he needed alcohol counseling. For himself. Not me. I saw after he was gone he left me $100 for food.
Then I went and picked the kids up from my grandma. It was too late. She needs her time and keeping them till 5:30 every day is too much. I can't do that everyday. It isn't fair to her. The kids and I went to dinner, came home danced to pop music in the family room (they danced, I wallowed) then went to bed. I let them sleep with me. Bad idea haha. They wiggled and fought over the blanket all night. I told them Dad is staying with Grandma helping her fix the condo. That worked for now. I'm not ready to tackle that convo yet.
So I think I'm going to hang around today and then go hide under a figurative rock for a while. I appreciate the support but it's pretty depressing. This is a wedding site after all and my wedding that i was so proud of is now just a big waste of time and money. I'm also going to stay away from social networks too.
I'll get the locks changed tomorrow. I'm already noticing his absence. Like today I almost missed the garbage truck. He takes the trash to the curb. He mows the lawn. He told me if I want him to cut it just leave the mower outside of the garage Wednesday and let him know. It's tempting but no. He said he will keep paying his bills. Cable and Internet and stuff we don't need. I didn't say yes or no so he will probably just do it.
The hardest thing about this is that this man has been my best friend and the person I have loved for 12 years. Since I was 14. There has never been anyone else. After 12 years you wouldn't think marriage would change much, and it doesn't but it makes this that much worse. My heart is breaking. I don't know how to tell everyone. I'm not going to yet. I just don't have the heart to hear everyone's shock and horror that we have split. I feel the need to apologize to everyone. They traveled so far and spent so much to be with us. They showed us soooooo much love I cried. They gave gifts and wished us endless happiness.
Most of all I'm sad that my husband hurt me. Because no matter what I love him.
I got teary reading your update. You are so strong and are handling this with as much grace as you possibly can. I'm glad H seemed to be understanding of what you wanted, but also supportive like the grocery money.
Seneca - I'm so sorry. I read that your heart is breaking and even though I don't know you personally, my heart breaks for you.
You are doing the right thing. It is life changing - this person has been a part of your coming of age and your entire adult life. You love him.
But he has problems. Major problems that you recognize you can't fix. HE needs to. If he is a dedicated man and wants this life back, he will work to get it back. That means enrolling in AA, giving up alcohol COMPLETELY, getting himself into counseling and working out his issues. These are small prices to pay for his life, wife and children back He needs to do that alone. To find himself, so to speak. That is going to take a lot of time. Years maybe.
For that time, you have to keep replaying what's important at the most basic level - the health and safety of you and your children. If he pulls out of everything a changed man, you can decide at that time if you want to take him back.
That will give you time to do some soul searching too. Right now you are looking for comfort, which you've always gotten from him. As hard as it is, you need this time apart.
Don't worry about this being a wedding forum. I'm married, so technically I don't belong either according to SS who don't like my advice. There are regs on here who aren't engaged or even in relationships. Big deal! I hope you stay - I think everyone here cares quite a bit about your well-being. But I understand if it's too hard. Ts, Ps and webnetz hugs to you.
Proud of you, and relieved you're okay. I understand the heartbreak well. It's easy for everyone to say "done," but not so easy when you're the person actually doing it.
I'm sorry if I made you feel lectured or belittled in any way. Never my intention, and I'm sure it wasn't anyone else's.
(My second marriage exploded within a month. And I was sick with grief. I felt like everything I believed in and all my hopes and all my faith and best intentions had been turned into a cruel, ugly farce. Shattered. So yes, I understand how terrible and hard this is, and I hope that you understand that I would never intentionally say anything to add to your pain.)
You're a beautiful, wonderful person, and a wonderful mother, and people are worried about you. Take care of yourself. Hide if you need to, but check in if you can just to let us know you're okay. Thoughts and prayers for you.
You got through day 1. that's the most important part. Now, on to day 2. Honestly, let him pay for everything he will pay for. He can pay for the cable and phone. He can even mow the lawn. He can come over and handle all of that stuff when you aren't there. Just because he fucked up, doesn't mean he shouldn't own taking care of his family and the home that his family lives in. You don't have to deny yourself that help.
You don't have to tell anyone what's going on right now. Just sit with it and let it all play out. People don't deserve instant access to that information. You are entitled to keep that close and talk to people when you feel like it. You don't owe anyone an apology for the wedding.
It's certainly possible that you two can reconcile. You'll know if he is serious about getting help pretty soon. He needs to STOP drinking. Not slow down drinking... but, actually, stop. He had violent behavior prior to beating on you while intoxicated. Now he has turned that violence on you. He doesn't need to just stop beating on YOU, he needs to stop being a violent human being. If he gets into AA and starts some therapy for his anger issues, then you two can start down a path to recover your relationship and reuinte your family, if that's what you want. But, he will show you what kind of person he truly is based on his actions over the next couple of weeks.
Get through each day. Take his money and his help. No matter what, this is still his family and if he wants to do right by you all, he will give you $ and offer to help. Even if that means stopping by at 4am to put the garbage cans out.
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
Seneca you are so incredibly strong and words cannot express how much I admire you and what you have been able to do so far. I understand needing to step away from TK and social media. I hope you will check back in with us every once in awhile, we will all be thinking of you.
I hope when times are tough, you will think of the dozens of women on this board, whom you will never meet, who are pulling for you and wishing you the best. I don't pray, but you and your family will be in my heart, and as the weeks and months go by, I will still think of you guys and wish you healing and happiness.
I hope your H seriously commits to counseling and to sobriety. One night doesn't have to define his life, he can work to rebuild trust to be the parent you know he can be.
I think I can speak for everyone and say we are all very proud of this first step you took. That took a lot of courage and strength.
I don't think you owe an explanation to anyone right now. If they ask, just tell them that the matter is personal and you are not going to discuss it.
As for your kids, I know you are worried about them. I am not a mother so I can't speak from that perspective. But I am a product of divorce. And let me tell you this: I was 17 when my parents separated (my brothers were 14 and 25). Even at 25, 17, and 14, we were all confused and upset. Them being young doesn't necessarily make it harder or easier.
You are a great mom and I know you will figure all of this out.
I agree with QueerFemme. Let him pay for whatever he wants. He still needs to be financially responsible for his children. Let him mow the lawn or do whatever things he can from outside of the house while you are not there. _____________________________________________________________________________________Take one day at a time, that is all you can do. Decide everything on your own timeline, you will get through this! Perhaps two days a week, your kids could go home with one of their friends and in exchange you can take that kid for a few hours on the weekend. You could explain to the parent that your schedule is in flux and you just need some extra help. No need to explain further. That would give grandma two afternoons free per week.
Babes you were on my mind all night.I’m so glad to read the update, you’re managing
this so well, under the circumstances.
I didn’t know if you were going to be
checking the boards so I PM’d you this as well.Today at 6:00 p.m., there is a Pro
Bono Legal Clinic at the First Church of God at 3480 Refugee Road (link below).They will be accepting walk ins and answering
questions.This is the number for the
Columbus Bar Association (614) 221-4112 but not the Clinic itself so I couldn’t
find out in advance if family law attorneys will be amongst them. If you miss the clinic, dial that number anyway, they can refer you to a pro bono lawyer you can speak with at another time.
Should legal intervention be a step
you decide to take and if you’re available to attend the clinic, I’d like you to
be armed with the following information.Yes child support typically takes
a while to receive but every state family court is required to have a provision
that allows for a process called expedited relief.Forgive the explanation if you’re already
familiar, your lawyer petitions that you be heard immediately based on exigent
circumstances. If it’s granted your case is fastracked (2-3 weeks is “fast”).Also wanted you to know that child support
eligibility doesn’t have anything to do with whether or not both parents live
apart.You may collect it from a parent whom
you share a roof with. Being the breadwinner will be a factor but so is the non
financial portion of support (mortgage, utilities, transportation, gasoline),
the non cash value which contributes to the daily necessities that you already
provide for you children, whether or not a check arrives.Sorry,
didn’t mean to stress support, I just want you to know that it's possible for finances to be the least challenging issue you face right now. It may also be helpful to consider having it
in place in case in the future he ever becomes less amicable about assistance. This may all be decided by the terms of
alimony if you seek that also.I just
wanted you to have something you could ask an attorney about today if you
choose.
Whatever you want to do, say, find
out and need, I’m here girl. If you don’t wanna do anything but moufbreave into
the phone, call me.
eta:cupcait, I read and nodded along with your advice for pages, so forgive
me if this sounds shitty but I found your siggie picture to be disturbingly insensitive considering what we’re discussing, hell considering your own
heartbreaking story.If it’s some kind of inside joke which I’m not
privy to, apologies, please disregard.
@sultryzulu out of all of the siggies on here that reflect drinking, you took mine to be disturbing and insensitive? It's from a television show called Archer. I'm am thoroughly confused and a little offended that I'm being called out when I'm not the only one that has something that could be "offensive" in their siggies.
@sultryzulu out of all of the siggies on here that reflect drinking, you took mine to be disturbing and insensitive? It's from a television show called Archer. I'm am thoroughly confused and a little offended that I'm being called out when I'm not the only one that has something that could be "offensive" in their siggies.
I'm confused too about how it's offensive. Is it because of the drinking? Should everyone who has an alcohol-related sig not post on this topic?
@ cupcait - I wasn't focusing on you as much as the image and my comment didn't relate to every siggie on here, it related to one that stood out for me.
@ lulu - see above, this isn't all siggies about all people. we're discussing some pretty serious topics created by some equally serious issues and it stood out in context. I'm expressing my opinion in that context if we're still allowed to that on public forum message boards.
my primary focus is still about how to help senecaf if she'd like.
Senecaf has known this whole time what everyone's signature looks like. She would probably say something or PM the person individually if anyone's signature was a trigger for her.
Understood. I wasn't speaking on her behalf I was speaking on mine. That'll be the last defense I have in stating my opinion. She really should be the primary focus here.
Understood. I wasn't speaking on her behalf I was speaking on mine. That'll be the last defense I have in stating my opinion. She really should be the primary focus here.
The signatures in this thread have ZERO to do with the posters feelings towards OP and her situation. FFS they are just signatures and are meant to be funny.
Re: Grounds for divorce... After 3 weeks of marriage
Then I went and picked the kids up from my grandma. It was too late. She needs her time and keeping them till 5:30 every day is too much. I can't do that everyday. It isn't fair to her.
The kids and I went to dinner, came home danced to pop music in the family room (they danced, I wallowed) then went to bed. I let them sleep with me. Bad idea haha. They wiggled and fought over the blanket all night. I told them Dad is staying with Grandma helping her fix the condo. That worked for now. I'm not ready to tackle that convo yet.
So I think I'm going to hang around today and then go hide under a figurative rock for a while. I appreciate the support but it's pretty depressing. This is a wedding site after all and my wedding that i was so proud of is now just a big waste of time and money. I'm also going to stay away from social networks too.
I'll get the locks changed tomorrow. I'm already noticing his absence. Like today I almost missed the garbage truck. He takes the trash to the curb. He mows the lawn. He told me if I want him to cut it just leave the mower outside of the garage Wednesday and let him know. It's tempting but no. He said he will keep paying his bills. Cable and Internet and stuff we don't need. I didn't say yes or no so he will probably just do it.
The hardest thing about this is that this man has been my best friend and the person I have loved for 12 years. Since I was 14. There has never been anyone else. After 12 years you wouldn't think marriage would change much, and it doesn't but it makes this that much worse. My heart is breaking.
I don't know how to tell everyone. I'm not going to yet. I just don't have the heart to hear everyone's shock and horror that we have split. I feel the need to apologize to everyone. They traveled so far and spent so much to be with us. They showed us soooooo much love I cried. They gave gifts and wished us endless happiness.
Most of all I'm sad that my husband hurt me. Because no matter what I love him.
I'm the fuck out.
You got through day 1. that's the most important part. Now, on to day 2. Honestly, let him pay for everything he will pay for. He can pay for the cable and phone. He can even mow the lawn. He can come over and handle all of that stuff when you aren't there. Just because he fucked up, doesn't mean he shouldn't own taking care of his family and the home that his family lives in. You don't have to deny yourself that help.
You don't have to tell anyone what's going on right now. Just sit with it and let it all play out. People don't deserve instant access to that information. You are entitled to keep that close and talk to people when you feel like it. You don't owe anyone an apology for the wedding.
It's certainly possible that you two can reconcile. You'll know if he is serious about getting help pretty soon. He needs to STOP drinking. Not slow down drinking... but, actually, stop. He had violent behavior prior to beating on you while intoxicated. Now he has turned that violence on you. He doesn't need to just stop beating on YOU, he needs to stop being a violent human being. If he gets into AA and starts some therapy for his anger issues, then you two can start down a path to recover your relationship and reuinte your family, if that's what you want. But, he will show you what kind of person he truly is based on his actions over the next couple of weeks.
Get through each day. Take his money and his help. No matter what, this is still his family and if he wants to do right by you all, he will give you $ and offer to help. Even if that means stopping by at 4am to put the garbage cans out.
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
Babes you were on my mind all night. I’m so glad to read the update, you’re managing this so well, under the circumstances.
I didn’t know if you were going to be checking the boards so I PM’d you this as well. Today at 6:00 p.m., there is a Pro Bono Legal Clinic at the First Church of God at 3480 Refugee Road (link below). They will be accepting walk ins and answering questions. This is the number for the Columbus Bar Association (614) 221-4112 but not the Clinic itself so I couldn’t find out in advance if family law attorneys will be amongst them. If you miss the clinic, dial that number anyway, they can refer you to a pro bono lawyer you can speak with at another time.
Should legal intervention be a step you decide to take and if you’re available to attend the clinic, I’d like you to be armed with the following information. Yes child support typically takes a while to receive but every state family court is required to have a provision that allows for a process called expedited relief. Forgive the explanation if you’re already familiar, your lawyer petitions that you be heard immediately based on exigent circumstances. If it’s granted your case is fastracked (2-3 weeks is “fast”). Also wanted you to know that child support eligibility doesn’t have anything to do with whether or not both parents live apart. You may collect it from a parent whom you share a roof with. Being the breadwinner will be a factor but so is the non financial portion of support (mortgage, utilities, transportation, gasoline), the non cash value which contributes to the daily necessities that you already provide for you children, whether or not a check arrives. Sorry, didn’t mean to stress support, I just want you to know that it's possible for finances to be the least challenging issue you face right now. It may also be helpful to consider having it in place in case in the future he ever becomes less amicable about assistance. This may all be decided by the terms of alimony if you seek that also. I just wanted you to have something you could ask an attorney about today if you choose.
Whatever you want to do, say, find out and need, I’m here girl. If you don’t wanna do anything but moufbreave into the phone, call me.
http://www.cbalaw.org/CBA_PROD/Main/Resources/Public/Pro-Bono.aspx
eta: cupcait, I read and nodded along with your advice for pages, so forgive me if this sounds shitty but I found your siggie picture to be disturbingly insensitive considering what we’re discussing, hell considering your own heartbreaking story. If it’s some kind of inside joke which I’m not privy to, apologies, please disregard.
@ lulu - see above, this isn't all siggies about all people. we're discussing some pretty serious topics created by some equally serious issues and it stood out in context. I'm expressing my opinion in that context if we're still allowed to that on public forum message boards.
my primary focus is still about how to help senecaf if she'd like.
I'm the fuck out.
I'm the fuck out.