Wedding Etiquette Forum

Registry Concerns

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Re: Registry Concerns

  • We want to do both. We have a full week. We want to spend some days sightseeing. And other days just relaxing by the water.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    And if they don't like it they don't have to use it. And if they talk shit behind my back then I'll never know. :) I don't care you guys. Its a fun laid back day. No stuffy rules here. My family isn't that way and either am I.

    You don't care if they talk shit behind your back?

    Do you care if they are comfortable at your wedding?

    I have the feeling that answer is most likely no.

  • penguin44penguin44 Kansas City member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    I should have worded it better. I wouldn't want anyone to DONATE to ANY of my vacations. Whether it be the honeymoon or a yearly trip. That would make me uncomfortable.
    Anniversary

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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    chibiyui said:
    Off to enjoy my day. Hope you all enjoy yours. :) If you reply and I don't. I probably won't ever see what you said. Once I close my browser i can't find anything on this site. Its not very easy to navigate the billion threads.
    Wut. It's 2014, it's not that hard to use the internet.
    Damn it, you beat me to it!
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
    chibiyuilevioosa
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    WTF TK?!?! I never got a notification that I was tagged in this post.

    I posted this earlier on another board. It's inline with what Penguin said:

    wedding registries are primarily used for bridal showers. Bridal showers came about to shower the couple with gifts to start their new marriage off on the right foot, as it was assumed back in the day that the new couple would be starting off married in a brand new home, having never lived together. Items on a traditional registry are usually things a couple would need for daily use- towels, sheets, pots, kitchen utensils, etc. These items are not really considered luxuries, but rather necessities to properly run a home. And, again, the purpose of a shower (where registries stemmed from) is to give gifts. It's a known gift giving event. 

    A honeymoon is definitely a luxury. Many of your guests may not even be able to afford a vacation of their own!

    To add on to that, as pps said, you should never include registry info on a wedding invite. They are not specifically meant to be gift giving events. If you only have a honeyfund, you are getting a check in the mail. So, there is no gift to open at a shower and therefore, no need to have a bridal shower. If you don't have a bridal shower, then technically, you don't need a registry. 

     







    perdonamiPrettyGirlLostnovella1186
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I am so glad I came back after @stickemupkitty said GBCK. I dont think I could handle another princess who doesnt think stuffy rules like simple etiquette apply to her.

    And can someone please explain to me why you would go through all the trouble of paying the HM fund fees yourself (as to not put them on the gift giver)??? Isn't cash easier? 

    BabyFruit Ticker
    PrettyGirlLost
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Katwag mentioned no one wants to pay for your sexfest. And Penguin44 said something about no one wanting to pay for her week of sex. Can we move on now? Thanks.

    I guess I didnt have my sarcasm font on. Oops.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • penguin44penguin44 Kansas City member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer

    WTF TK?!?! I never got a notification that I was tagged in this post.


    I posted this earlier on another board. It's inline with what Penguin said:

    wedding registries are primarily used for bridal showers. Bridal showers came about to shower the couple with gifts to start their new marriage off on the right foot, as it was assumed back in the day that the new couple would be starting off married in a brand new home, having never lived together. Items on a traditional registry are usually things a couple would need for daily use- towels, sheets, pots, kitchen utensils, etc. These items are not really considered luxuries, but rather necessities to properly run a home. And, again, the purpose of a shower (where registries stemmed from) is to give gifts. It's a known gift giving event. 

    A honeymoon is definitely a luxury. Many of your guests may not even be able to afford a vacation of their own!

    To add on to that, as pps said, you should never include registry info on a wedding invite. They are not specifically meant to be gift giving events. If you only have a honeyfund, you are getting a check in the mail. So, there is no gift to open at a shower and therefore, no need to have a bridal shower. If you don't have a bridal shower, then technically, you don't need a registry. 
    Thank you. This is what I was trying to say. You did a much better job saying it.
    Anniversary

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  • Oh goodness.  This can all be summed up with the following:

    You might not think honeyfunds are rude, but many people do.  You can't know for sure if any of your family and friends will be among those who think they are rude because most likely if they do they will never ever tell you.  One person on your guest list could think it's rude, half could think it's rude, or 99% could think it's rude and you will probably not hear about it.  If you are okay with the possibility that any number between "one" and "all" of your guests think you are doing something very rude, then go ahead and have a honeyfund.  If not, don't do it.  

        
    KatieinBklnSachaBee
  • MGPMGP member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    This is my primary gripe with honeymoon registries. How wonderful for you that you couldn't think of a single household good you would like to stock your marital home with, but you think you're entitled to ask someone to pay for you to go swimming with dolphins? I was fortunate enough to go on a nice honeymoon (which we paid for ourselves, after having paid for our whole wedding, thankyouverymuch), but many of my friends and family didn't take a honeymoon - heck, some of them have never traveled outside of our state. It would have been a slap in the face to ask them to fund a vacation for us. "Sorry, friend who bought us really thoughtful but inexpensive salt shakers because it's what you could afford, your only option is $100 toward hang gliding at sunset, which will really turn into a $93 check for me." Not cool.
    This, exactly.  A honeymoon is an unnecessary trip and I don't get how people don't feel awful about asking their guests to pay for something that they (meaning their guests) may not be able to afford for themselves.  I didn't feel horrible registering for towels and serving platters.  What I would have felt horrible would have been to register for a beach dinner and my in laws - who have not flown in over a decade because they can't afford even one airline ticket - felt pressured to buy it.

    The only vacations I pay for are for myself.  Sorry not sorry.
  • Bottom line here, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL PEOPLE YOU WANT MONEY. Everyone wants money, ergo everyone knows YOU want money. Money is never a bad thing to give/receive as a gift, and such has been the case since its very conception. However, using a website to ask for money, which then pockets some of that money, just tells me that you have no financial sense in the slightest.
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    holyguacamole79
  • Asking for money is rude.
    Specifying where you intend to spend the money doesn't make it any better.
    Committing crimes against poetry won't make it better. 

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    SachaBeemissxasia
  • l9il9i Ohio member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper

    We had a sizable registry and guess what.  We were fortunate to receive many cash gifts.  Enought in fact that we could have easily used it to pay for our honeymoon if we so choosed.  One that we planned with what we saved and could afford on our own.  Also, guess what.  This happened without any guests being prompted to give us cash, contribute to a honeyfund, or being ticked off due to rude behavior being discussed- people are smarter than you think ;)

    holyguacamole79chibiyuiSachaBee
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    l9i said:

    We had a sizable registry and guess what.  We were fortunate to receive many cash gifts.  Enought in fact that we could have easily used it to pay for our honeymoon if we so choosed.  One that we planned with what we saved and could afford on our own.  Also, guess what.  This happened without any guests being prompted to give us cash, contribute to a honeyfund, or being ticked off due to rude behavior being discussed- people are smarter than you think ;)

    Ditto.
  • mrsmagicgeekmrsmagicgeek member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    My DH and I are going to the butterfly farm on St Martin in two weeks :) We're also paying for it. ETA: Why does my ticker never show up?
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I was a BM in a wedding almost 2 years ago and the bride had a honeyfund. I had never seen one before and I thought it was a cool idea - like, wow I'm going to get them a nice couples' massage in Peru! Guess what? They never went to Peru.

    So I guess they just used the check for something else? I would have rather just given them money, but I like getting things off of the registry.
    polly212
  • l9il9i Ohio member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I was a BM in a wedding almost 2 years ago and the bride had a honeyfund. I had never seen one before and I thought it was a cool idea - like, wow I'm going to get them a nice couples' massage in Peru! Guess what? They never went to Peru.

    So I guess they just used the check for something else? I would have rather just given them money, but I like getting things off of the registry.
    THIS.  I previously posted about my BM who did a honeyfund and everyone talked shit about it behind her back so she still thinks people liked it... totally forgot they didn't go on their honeymoon!  It registry included items for a carribean gateway.  They did a weekend wine tasting trip instead.  So if I had 'donated' I'd feel slighted....
  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited October 2014
    My DH and I are going to the butterfly farm on St Martin in two weeks :) We're also paying for it. ETA: Why does my ticker never show up?
    mrsmagicgeek

    If either you or your DH are Star Wars fans, check out the Yoda Guy's shop. Not a ton there... but come on... it's the guy who designed Yoda!
    Also the Belgian chocolate is yummy and made good gifts even if it did have the tourist up charge price.
  • OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE this poem. I'm totally using this for my REAL wedding, which will take place next year. We are going to get SO many experiences from our honeyfund. 

    I'm going to put this poem on my invitations. Thank you, like SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much. It's really going to help my guests because they'll know that I want money.

    Also, all you haters can just stop responding. You all are just jealous of brides. I feel sorry for your husbands. OP is only trying to help other brides-to-be make THEIR day super speshul. 

    /*sarcasm font 
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    ohannabelleLDay2014JCbride2015missxasia
  • I can't believe people who say honeymoon registries are tacky don't see the irony of referring to honeymoons as "sex fests." What could be MORE TACKY than talking about what another person is going to do in bed on his or her vacation?
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