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Etiquette

good grief

135

Re: good grief

  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    When most people are telling you your idea is rude, take it to heart.  Nobody is bashing you.  They're telling you your idea is rude.  That it's not a good plan.  Just because you don't agree with what others are saying does not make it rude.  It sounds like you can't handle the truth.  Perhaps internet forums are not the best place for you.
    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]sarawifenowluckysnorkel
  • kasmith1 said:

    I think the ladies on here are very supportive. I got a few replies to quesitons that hurt my feelings too, but I listened and had a much better wedding because of it.

    ANDalsoPLUS in your Honeyfund thread, you actually, literally said: Thank you to everyone who replied. It is nice to get outside opinions. :)

    So, I guess you take that back now?

    it is nice to get outside opinions.... whats not nice to get is a bunch of other people calling you a privileged princess because i think that the stuffy rules of etiquette don't apply to me. I am a rule follower. I never break the rules. However, i don't think there is a wedding rule book that says exactly how you have to plan your wedding. How, then, would you personalize your big day and make it your own? 

    That being said there are different levels of formality in weddings. If i'm having a black tie wedding, i would follow the "etiquette guidelines" of a formal wedding. On the same scale, if i am having a casual, laid back wedding, the rules and etiquette of a black tie, formal wedding are not going to apply. 

    I also believe that some groups and social circles have different opinions than others depending on where you are from. 

    I do appreciate all the constructive advise that was on the thread. What i don't appreciate is the comments implying they knew exactly what kind of person i am because of a post on a forum. 
  • Certain etiquette rules are universal. No matter how casual your wedding, it's not acceptable to ask guests to open their wallets at the event on any way shape or form. It's also not OK to ever have a honeymoon registry or a registry for some kind of cash (like a down payment on a home).

    Being casual or laid back does not mean that etiquette stops applying. I hardly think you'll find a backyard wedding with a "pull the groom's finger" portion of the night.
    PrettyGirlLostzitiqueennovella1186cowgirl8238
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    banana468 said:
    Certain etiquette rules are universal. No matter how casual your wedding, it's not acceptable to ask guests to open their wallets at the event on any way shape or form. It's also not OK to ever have a honeymoon registry or a registry for some kind of cash (like a down payment on a home). Being casual or laid back does not mean that etiquette stops applying. I hardly think you'll find a backyard wedding with a "pull the groom's finger" portion of the night.
    Exactly. If you're having a backyard wedding versus a black-tie country club wedding, some aspects will differ. But asking for money is a universal no-no. And if you think THIS is rude, you would have not lasted 3 minutes with the regs that were around when I was planning my wedding. They would have had your lunch.
    [Deleted User]LDay2014
  • I don't want to be all MUD here but just so you know, most people who were being the snarkiest/getting just a wee bit personal on that other thread were responding to a different poster who shall remain nameless. Not you. Hope that helps. 

    Pretty much totally unrelated: My cousin's ex spelled her name Tiphanie (I think--might have been Tiphaney--haven't seen her in a couple years). It is a variant of Tiffany. Hard to remember how to spell even then. My mum has this odd obsession with place cards for dinners and she probably got it wrong more often than right. Anyway, most people aren't responsible for the spelling of their own names, anyway...that would be their parents' problem. Most of us are just stuck with what we're given, like it or not!
  • tiphenieB said:
    kasmith1 said:

    I think the ladies on here are very supportive. I got a few replies to quesitons that hurt my feelings too, but I listened and had a much better wedding because of it.

    ANDalsoPLUS in your Honeyfund thread, you actually, literally said: Thank you to everyone who replied. It is nice to get outside opinions. :)

    So, I guess you take that back now?

    it is nice to get outside opinions.... whats not nice to get is a bunch of other people calling you a privileged princess because i think that the stuffy rules of etiquette don't apply to me. I am a rule follower. I never break the rules. However, i don't think there is a wedding rule book that says exactly how you have to plan your wedding. How, then, would you personalize your big day and make it your own? 

    That being said there are different levels of formality in weddings. If i'm having a black tie wedding, i would follow the "etiquette guidelines" of a formal wedding. On the same scale, if i am having a casual, laid back wedding, the rules and etiquette of a black tie, formal wedding are not going to apply. 

    I also believe that some groups and social circles have different opinions than others depending on where you are from. 

    I do appreciate all the constructive advise that was on the thread. What i don't appreciate is the comments implying they knew exactly what kind of person i am because of a post on a forum. 
    Wow. You just don't get it, do you? Etiquette rules apply to EVERYONE, and if you choose to ignore them that's your own prerogative but then you are also choosing to not treat your guests well and to be rude, which is not cool in most books. 

    There's nothing "stuffy" about being kind to the people who have taken the time, money, and effort to attend your wedding.  
    I'm sure her guests love her enough that they won't care that she doesn't love them much at all - or at least she doesn't love them enough to not treat them like crap and take advantage of their love. At that point, who cares what the guests think?!

    Achievement Unlocked: Survived Your Wedding! 
    novella1186perdonami
  • raissyraisraissyrais London member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    Oh my Gosh again?????!!! When will this ever be over?  

    ETA: @pinkrevenge I think we need your Bingo board again.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Maybe it's the cool new thing to personalize your wedding by seeing how rude you can be to people? Like, ok everyone who's last name starts with an A does not get a chair. If your last name starts with a B, donate to my "I'm an ungrateful spoiled brat" fund. Isn't this so fun?! Yay my wedding! ME! 
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    [Deleted User]jerkyanne
  • Maybe it's the cool new thing to personalize your wedding by seeing how rude you can be to people? Like, ok everyone who's last name starts with an A does not get a chair. If your last name starts with a B, donate to my "I'm an ungrateful spoiled brat" fund. Isn't this so fun?! Yay my wedding! ME! 
    In what dimension do you get off calling people ungrateful spoiled brats because they want to register for a honeymoon rather than receive gifts they are going to return and get the cash anyway! We both have three jobs and no help with paying for our wedding. We aren't asking for handouts. I saw an idea that i thought was neat and i asked what people thought of it. I didn't ask for everyone to assume that i am some over privileged princess because i thought it might be nice to be able to go on a honeymoon. Please forgive me for wanting to take a nice trip with my soon to be husband. I understand the concept of telling me my idea is a bad one, but please stop assuming that I think i am better than everyone else. There is a such thing as constructive criticism, and then there is a such thing as being rude. I thought the people on here would be grown up enough to know the difference.... 
    Knottie6394f6b22a913594
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    tiphenieB said:
    Maybe it's the cool new thing to personalize your wedding by seeing how rude you can be to people? Like, ok everyone who's last name starts with an A does not get a chair. If your last name starts with a B, donate to my "I'm an ungrateful spoiled brat" fund. Isn't this so fun?! Yay my wedding! ME! 
    In what dimension do you get off calling people ungrateful spoiled brats because they want to register for a honeymoon rather than receive gifts they are going to return and get the cash anyway! We both have three jobs and no help with paying for our wedding. We aren't asking for handouts. I saw an idea that i thought was neat and i asked what people thought of it. I didn't ask for everyone to assume that i am some over privileged princess because i thought it might be nice to be able to go on a honeymoon. Please forgive me for wanting to take a nice trip with my soon to be husband. I understand the concept of telling me my idea is a bad one, but please stop assuming that I think i am better than everyone else. There is a such thing as constructive criticism, and then there is a such thing as being rude. I thought the people on here would be grown up enough to know the difference.... 
    But you are. Creating an entire registry just to ask people to give you their money is the definition of asking for handouts. If you can't afford a honeymoon, don't take a honeymoon. If you don't need physical gifts, don't register. Everyone has told you on multiple threads that honeymoon registries are rude and if left to their own devices, most people will give you cash anyway, so why bother running the risk of offending people with a blatant cash-grab? 
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    novella1186PrettyGirlLostchibiyuiJCbride2015
  • I really don't understand the whole "we can't afford a honeymoon so we're going to register for one in this exotic location. Go big or go home, right?" A honeymoon doesn't have to be in the carribbean or Europe, or wherever. We went to Florida and it was great. And FWIW, someone gifted is their airline miles as a wedding gift and someone paid for our hotel, without us asking.
    no where did i say send us to cancun. People are assuming that themselves. 

  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited October 2014
    I have to agree with OP that calling her an ungrateful, spoiled brat hasn't quite been called for. I know we've seen a lot of Honeyfund supporters who HAVE been ungrateful, spoiled brats, but correlation does not equal causation. We have no reason so speculate that she won't have chairs. Let's all take it easy. The case against Honeyfunds has been made.

    OP, you can't control how people post. Stick around and you'll see how etiquette applies to everyone, stuffy and/or expensive or not.

    image
    image
    chibiyuiKnottie6394f6b22a913594
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    tiphenieB said:



    I really don't understand the whole "we can't afford a honeymoon so we're going to register for one in this exotic location. Go big or go home, right?" A honeymoon doesn't have to be in the carribbean or Europe, or wherever. We went to Florida and it was great.

    And FWIW, someone gifted is their airline miles as a wedding gift and someone paid for our hotel, without us asking.

    no where did i say send us to cancun. People are assuming that themselves. 



    Who's the one assuming? I never said you were going to cancun.
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    tiphenieB said:
    Maybe it's the cool new thing to personalize your wedding by seeing how rude you can be to people? Like, ok everyone who's last name starts with an A does not get a chair. If your last name starts with a B, donate to my "I'm an ungrateful spoiled brat" fund. Isn't this so fun?! Yay my wedding! ME! 
    In what dimension do you get off calling people ungrateful spoiled brats because they want to register for a honeymoon rather than receive gifts they are going to return and get the cash anyway! We both have three jobs and no help with paying for our wedding. We aren't asking for handouts. I saw an idea that i thought was neat and i asked what people thought of it. I didn't ask for everyone to assume that i am some over privileged princess because i thought it might be nice to be able to go on a honeymoon. Please forgive me for wanting to take a nice trip with my soon to be husband. I understand the concept of telling me my idea is a bad one, but please stop assuming that I think i am better than everyone else. There is a such thing as constructive criticism, and then there is a such thing as being rude. I thought the people on here would be grown up enough to know the difference.... 


    To the bolded respectively:

    1.  And, your point is?  Lots of couples receive NO help for their weddings.

    2.  Ok, since you asked so nicely,I'll forgive you for that, just pay for the honeymoon yourself, don't expect others to.

    image
    novella1186
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited October 2014
    The problem with a HM registry is the people NOT in the know think they are actually giving your a dinner out or a sunset sail.   They have no idea that all these places do is cut a check minus some fees.



    Those of us in the know know better.  That is why you are getting the answers you are getting the answer you are.

    No matter how you slice it registering for 3 $50 dinners is really just asking for  $139.50 ($150- 7% which is the average cut for those type places).

    Even us old folks know that cash is always appreciated.  We know we can just give you a check for $150.    Except for showers. I never give cash for showers.  They are gift giving events, no give me some cash events..

    If you do not need physical gifts.  Forgo a shower.  I didn't have a HM registry.  We had a smallish registry for physical gifts.    At the wedding with 147 people we got about 10-15 gifts.  The rest cash.   Our guests figured it out on their own.   Not only that, I didn't have to pay any fees.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    tiphenieB said:
    Maybe it's the cool new thing to personalize your wedding by seeing how rude you can be to people? Like, ok everyone who's last name starts with an A does not get a chair. If your last name starts with a B, donate to my "I'm an ungrateful spoiled brat" fund. Isn't this so fun?! Yay my wedding! ME! 
    In what dimension do you get off calling people ungrateful spoiled brats because they want to register for a honeymoon rather than receive gifts they are going to return and get the cash anyway! We both have three jobs and no help with paying for our wedding. We aren't asking for handouts. I saw an idea that i thought was neat and i asked what people thought of it. I didn't ask for everyone to assume that i am some over privileged princess because i thought it might be nice to be able to go on a honeymoon. Please forgive me for wanting to take a nice trip with my soon to be husband. I understand the concept of telling me my idea is a bad one, but please stop assuming that I think i am better than everyone else. There is a such thing as constructive criticism, and then there is a such thing as being rude. I thought the people on here would be grown up enough to know the difference.... 
    Seriously? So not only do you think it's okay to ask people for charitable donations for a vacation, but you've already decided that you're going to return gifts and keep the cash? Wow. Really nice. I'm sure that all the people that put time and effort into shopping for gifts that they thought you'd appreciate and enjoy would really be happy about that. 
    A wedding isn't an excuse to line your pockets with other people's money. 

    And this: whats not nice to get is a bunch of other people calling you a privileged princess because i think that the stuffy rules of etiquette don't apply to me.

    Honestly? Why do the rules of good manners and treating people well not apply to you? Are you special, somehow? 

    I don't think you even understand what etiquette is, or why it exists. It's the opposite of stuffy.  It's about making other people as comfortable and happy as you can. 
    No, the rules don't apply to her... Her situation is...........different! And we're all too stuffy to understand.
    image
    novella1186ohannabellepenguin44
  • tiphenieB said:
    Maybe it's the cool new thing to personalize your wedding by seeing how rude you can be to people? Like, ok everyone who's last name starts with an A does not get a chair. If your last name starts with a B, donate to my "I'm an ungrateful spoiled brat" fund. Isn't this so fun?! Yay my wedding! ME! 
    In what dimension do you get off calling people ungrateful spoiled brats because they want to register for a honeymoon rather than receive gifts they are going to return and get the cash anyway! We both have three jobs and no help with paying for our wedding. We aren't asking for handouts. I saw an idea that i thought was neat and i asked what people thought of it. I didn't ask for everyone to assume that i am some over privileged princess because i thought it might be nice to be able to go on a honeymoon. Please forgive me for wanting to take a nice trip with my soon to be husband. I understand the concept of telling me my idea is a bad one, but please stop assuming that I think i am better than everyone else. There is a such thing as constructive criticism, and then there is a such thing as being rude. I thought the people on here would be grown up enough to know the difference.... 
    Yeah, you need to calm down. I wasn't referring to you directly, I was saying in general that people who treat their guests like crap, think it's ok to be rude, and beg for money because of a sense of entitlement are spoiled brats. You made a ton of assumptions with your response. 

    People continue to try and help you, and you continue to insult EVERYONE who posts on the Knot. As others have said, don't try to get sympathy for yourself or think that just because you work hard you're entitled to get guests to pay for your honeymoon. Many of us work hard. Specifically asking guests to give you money is extremely rude and there are other ways to go about it, which a lot of Knotties have told you now. Over and over and over and over. 
    image
    PrettyGirlLostjerkyanne
  • Wait--maybe off-topic--but how is it rude to return unwanted gifts for cash? Doesn't everyone do that? Or is the problem to intentionally register for shit you don't want just to get the cash? I didn't get the impression the OP was going to do that. Maybe I read that differently. 
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