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My Matron of Honor refuses to get a babysitter for the wedding

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Re: My Matron of Honor refuses to get a babysitter for the wedding

  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    lyndausvi said:
    I will admit I would be a little annoyed if the child was attached to the point the child would be standing up at the ceremony with us.    Call me a bitch that is kind-of where I draw the line.  I do not care about getting ready or the reception.  Just the ceremony and maybe during a few group photos.

    That said, since both parents are going to be IN the wedding I would ask them if they would like to bring their parent, friend, sibling, some trusted person to help with the child. Especially during the ceremony in which both parents are in. This person would be at the ceremony and treated like every other guest at the reception.

    Small price to pay to have both of our close friends in the wedding.


    But... that's the considerate, practical approach. You won't really be married unless you make your brideslaves bow down to you! 
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  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    novella1186 said:
    lyndausvi said:
    I will admit I would be a little annoyed if the child was attached to the point the child would be standing up at the ceremony with us.    Call me a bitch that is kind-of where I draw the line.  I do not care about getting ready or the reception.  Just the ceremony and maybe during a few group photos.

    That said, since both parents are going to be IN the wedding I would ask them if they would like to bring their parent, friend, sibling, some trusted person to help with the child. Especially during the ceremony in which both parents are in. This person would be at the ceremony and treated like every other guest at the reception.

    Small price to pay to have both of our close friends in the wedding.


    But... that's the considerate, practical approach. You won't really be married unless you make your brideslaves bow down to you! 
    Yeah, you can just take your logics and brains elsewhere, Missy.

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  • flantasticflantastic member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    lyndausvi said:
    I will admit I would be a little annoyed if the child was attached to the point the child would be standing up at the ceremony with us.    Call me a bitch that is kind-of where I draw the line.  I do not care about getting ready or the reception.  Just the ceremony and maybe during a few group photos.

    That said, since both parents are going to be IN the wedding I would ask them if they would like to bring their parent, friend, sibling, some trusted person to help with the child. Especially during the ceremony in which both parents are in. This person would be at the ceremony and treated like every other guest at the reception.

    Small price to pay to have both of our close friends in the wedding.

    It was super easy for BIL and SIL to do this - not because they had other family there, because that family mostly had the same problem of being busy, but because they were both allowed to sit in the front row for most of Mass and only had to come up for the actual vows. The baby could sit there with them just as well as they could in any other pew with anyone else.

    And there was this magical thing called a car seat that the baby could sleep in just off to the side of where we were taking family pictures.

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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    flantastic said:
    lyndausvi said:
    I will admit I would be a little annoyed if the child was attached to the point the child would be standing up at the ceremony with us.    Call me a bitch that is kind-of where I draw the line.  I do not care about getting ready or the reception.  Just the ceremony and maybe during a few group photos.

    That said, since both parents are going to be IN the wedding I would ask them if they would like to bring their parent, friend, sibling, some trusted person to help with the child. Especially during the ceremony in which both parents are in. This person would be at the ceremony and treated like every other guest at the reception.

    Small price to pay to have both of our close friends in the wedding.

    It was super easy for BIL and SIL to do this - not because they had other family there, because that family mostly had the same problem of being busy, but because they were both allowed to sit in the front row for most of Mass and only had to come up for the actual vows. The baby could sit there with them just as well as they could in any other pew with anyone else.

    And there was this magical thing called a car seat that the baby could sleep in just off to the side of where we were taking family pictures.

    This is what I was thinking too. If the OP's couple in question both accepted being in the wedding party, obviously they had to have some idea of what to do with their child. The plan obviously didn't include a babysitter, but they surely could have someone hold the child during the most important parts of the ceremony.
    Heck, I attended a wedding where the flower girl was the happy couple's 1.5 yo daughter. A family member held her, sitting in the front row. It can be done, folks. 
    ________________________________


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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    flantastic said:
    lyndausvi said:
    I will admit I would be a little annoyed if the child was attached to the point the child would be standing up at the ceremony with us.    Call me a bitch that is kind-of where I draw the line.  I do not care about getting ready or the reception.  Just the ceremony and maybe during a few group photos.

    That said, since both parents are going to be IN the wedding I would ask them if they would like to bring their parent, friend, sibling, some trusted person to help with the child. Especially during the ceremony in which both parents are in. This person would be at the ceremony and treated like every other guest at the reception.

    Small price to pay to have both of our close friends in the wedding.

    It was super easy for BIL and SIL to do this - not because they had other family there, because that family mostly had the same problem of being busy, but because they were both allowed to sit in the front row for most of Mass and only had to come up for the actual vows. The baby could sit there with them just as well as they could in any other pew with anyone else.

    And there was this magical thing called a car seat that the baby could sleep in just off to the side of where we were taking family pictures.

    that is assuming the baby is actually sleeping and not crying their little eyes out.   

    And that might work for a mass, but my WP stood up with us during our short ceremony.      I would not have wanted a baby up there. 

    I don't think I'm asking too much either for the child not to be up with the WP.   Or during a few pictures (we didn't take a lot of group shots).

    The WHOLE thing is way over-the-top.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • flantasticflantastic member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited February 2015
    lyndausvi said:
    flantastic said:
    lyndausvi said:
    I will admit I would be a little annoyed if the child was attached to the point the child would be standing up at the ceremony with us.    Call me a bitch that is kind-of where I draw the line.  I do not care about getting ready or the reception.  Just the ceremony and maybe during a few group photos.

    That said, since both parents are going to be IN the wedding I would ask them if they would like to bring their parent, friend, sibling, some trusted person to help with the child. Especially during the ceremony in which both parents are in. This person would be at the ceremony and treated like every other guest at the reception.

    Small price to pay to have both of our close friends in the wedding.

    It was super easy for BIL and SIL to do this - not because they had other family there, because that family mostly had the same problem of being busy, but because they were both allowed to sit in the front row for most of Mass and only had to come up for the actual vows. The baby could sit there with them just as well as they could in any other pew with anyone else.

    And there was this magical thing called a car seat that the baby could sleep in just off to the side of where we were taking family pictures.

    that is assuming the baby is actually sleeping and not crying their little eyes out.   

    And that might work for a mass, but my WP stood up with us during our short ceremony.      I would not have wanted a baby up there. 

    I don't think I'm asking too much either for the child not to be up with the WP.   Or during a few pictures (we didn't take a lot of group shots).

    The WHOLE thing is way over-the-top.

    Oh no, I don't think it's asking too much. I was just noting that sometimes the solution is even simpler than what you proposed depending somewhat on the age of the baby. But you were the one initially to point out that it's really just not that hard to accomplish having your WP members as "active participants" in the important parts.
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  • loveislouderloveislouder member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    mikenberger said:
    zitiqueen said:
    drunkenwitch said:

    Another post and run, damn.  I guess I'll have to play the part of the OP.

    "You guys are so mean, I came for support not to be bullied.  My friends and family will understand because IT'S MY WEDDING DAY.  When I was her bridesmaid I spent 80 gazillion dollars and threw her 500 parties and got my hair done and bought shoes so she should step up and get a babysitter because it's MY WEDDING!

    I thought this board had brides who would understand not a bunch of ugly bitches who sit on the internet all day and bully people, I feel sorry for your husbands."

    Okay, did I miss anything?

    You don't know my lyfe!
    #sorrynotsorry
    I can't believe your husbands married you horrible bitchez.
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  • FrankensteinLadyFrankensteinLady member
    Sixth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    c+j2015 said:

    Hey!


    So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?
    You dont. I was just this bridesmaid. Husband and I both in WP. 4 month old baby not invited. All caretakers unavailable.

    My husband and I sucked it up for our "friends." We aren't friends anymore. The fact that she could so blatantly disregard my feelings for her vision meant I couldn't continue to care about her.

    Be normal. Realize your wedding will be awesome, even if your MOH needs to hold her baby while she gets her hair worked on. I promise most parents know how to care for their child and most aren't going to set out to ruin your wedding.
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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    loveislouder said:
    mikenberger said:
    zitiqueen said:
    drunkenwitch said:

    Another post and run, damn.  I guess I'll have to play the part of the OP.

    "You guys are so mean, I came for support not to be bullied.  My friends and family will understand because IT'S MY WEDDING DAY.  When I was her bridesmaid I spent 80 gazillion dollars and threw her 500 parties and got my hair done and bought shoes so she should step up and get a babysitter because it's MY WEDDING!

    I thought this board had brides who would understand not a bunch of ugly bitches who sit on the internet all day and bully people, I feel sorry for your husbands."

    Okay, did I miss anything?

    You don't know my lyfe!
    #sorrynotsorry
    I can't believe your husbands married you horrible bitchez.
    You all need to improve personal quality.
    ~*~*~*~*~

    Report Reply
  • AlexisA01AlexisA01 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited February 2015
    FrankensteinLady said:
    Hey!

    So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?
    You dont. I was just this bridesmaid. Husband and I both in WP. 4 month old baby not invited. All caretakers unavailable. My husband and I sucked it up for our "friends." We aren't friends anymore. The fact that she could so blatantly disregard my feelings for her vision meant I couldn't continue to care about her. Be normal. Realize your wedding will be awesome, even if your MOH needs to hold her baby while she gets her hair worked on. I promise most parents know how to care for their child and most aren't going to set out to ruin your wedding.



    SITB
    So if a bride does not invite a bridesmaids who has a baby, that is wrong? Even if both parents are in the wedding party? We often tell brides here as long you specify who is invited on the invitations and if they chose to have a child/baby free wedding, they are in the clear.

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

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  • flantasticflantastic member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    AlexisA01 said:
    FrankensteinLady said:
    Hey!

    So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?
    You dont. I was just this bridesmaid. Husband and I both in WP. 4 month old baby not invited. All caretakers unavailable. My husband and I sucked it up for our "friends." We aren't friends anymore. The fact that she could so blatantly disregard my feelings for her vision meant I couldn't continue to care about her. Be normal. Realize your wedding will be awesome, even if your MOH needs to hold her baby while she gets her hair worked on. I promise most parents know how to care for their child and most aren't going to set out to ruin your wedding.



    SITB
    So if a bride does not invite a bridesmaids who has a baby, that is wrong? Even if both parents are in the wedding party? We often tell brides here as long you specify who is invited on the invitations and if they chose to have a child/baby free wedding.
    It's not "wrong" but you're essentially kicking one of them out of the WP. It's within my friend's rights not to accommodate my baby, but if she does that I'm not going to be able to be at the wedding. That's reality.
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  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    AlexisA01 said:
    FrankensteinLady said:
    Hey!

    So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?
    You dont. I was just this bridesmaid. Husband and I both in WP. 4 month old baby not invited. All caretakers unavailable. My husband and I sucked it up for our "friends." We aren't friends anymore. The fact that she could so blatantly disregard my feelings for her vision meant I couldn't continue to care about her. Be normal. Realize your wedding will be awesome, even if your MOH needs to hold her baby while she gets her hair worked on. I promise most parents know how to care for their child and most aren't going to set out to ruin your wedding.



    SITB
    So if a bride does not invite a bridesmaids who has a baby, that is wrong? Even if both parents are in the wedding party? We often tell brides here as long you specify who is invited on the invitations and if they chose to have a child/baby free wedding, they are in the clear.
    And an invitation is not a summons, so if parents are invited and not their children, they can choose not to attend and the couple getting married has to accept that they may get declines by having a child free wedding. But if wedding party HAS to be at the wedding so if you ask them to be in your WP and then turn around say their kids aren't invited, you have put them in a really, really tough place where they may not be able to make other arrangements and aren't comfortable with leaving their child with a stranger. 
    image
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    redoryx said:


    AlexisA01 said:


    FrankensteinLady said:

    c+j2015 said:

    Hey!


    So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?
    You dont. I was just this bridesmaid. Husband and I both in WP. 4 month old baby not invited. All caretakers unavailable.

    My husband and I sucked it up for our "friends." We aren't friends anymore. The fact that she could so blatantly disregard my feelings for her vision meant I couldn't continue to care about her.

    Be normal. Realize your wedding will be awesome, even if your MOH needs to hold her baby while she gets her hair worked on. I promise most parents know how to care for their child and most aren't going to set out to ruin your wedding.



    SITB
    So if a bride does not invite a bridesmaids who has a baby, that is wrong? Even if both parents are in the wedding party? We often tell brides here as long you specify who is invited on the invitations and if they chose to have a child/baby free wedding, they are in the clear.


    And an invitation is not a summons, so if parents are invited and not their children, they can choose not to attend and the couple getting married has to accept that they may get declines by having a child free wedding. But if wedding party HAS to be at the wedding so if you ask them to be in your WP and then turn around say their kids aren't invited, you have put them in a really, really tough place where they may not be able to make other arrangements and aren't comfortable with leaving their child with a stranger. 
    This. You know that I'm pro adult events. However you can't tell a mother how to parent. If your wedding is OOT, they may not be comfortable leaving the baby overnight or with people they don't know.

    If the mom is nursing, then it is also a PITA to be without baby because then you're rigging yourself up to a pump. I guarantee you that I nurse far more discreetly than I can pump. Plus, one generally takes longer.

    The thing that rubs me the wrong way about all of this is how little regard the OP speaks of the wedding party as a whole. Do you even like these people or are you trying to be a play director in a gown?

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  • AlexisA01AlexisA01 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited February 2015
    redoryx said:
    AlexisA01 said:
    FrankensteinLady said:
    Hey!

    So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?
    You dont. I was just this bridesmaid. Husband and I both in WP. 4 month old baby not invited. All caretakers unavailable. My husband and I sucked it up for our "friends." We aren't friends anymore. The fact that she could so blatantly disregard my feelings for her vision meant I couldn't continue to care about her. Be normal. Realize your wedding will be awesome, even if your MOH needs to hold her baby while she gets her hair worked on. I promise most parents know how to care for their child and most aren't going to set out to ruin your wedding.



    SITB
    So if a bride does not invite a bridesmaids who has a baby, that is wrong? Even if both parents are in the wedding party? We often tell brides here as long you specify who is invited on the invitations and if they chose to have a child/baby free wedding, they are in the clear.
    And an invitation is not a summons, so if parents are invited and not their children, they can choose not to attend and the couple getting married has to accept that they may get declines by having a child free wedding. But if wedding party HAS to be at the wedding so if you ask them to be in your WP and then turn around say their kids aren't invited, you have put them in a really, really tough place where they may not be able to make other arrangements and aren't comfortable with leaving their child with a stranger. 
    I just wondering about that people on the pregnancy forums I belong expect their kid *should*  to be invited to all types of events and I thought I would ask.  I don't understand why the OP would want to dictate how they should parent their child. You are suppose to be a friend and a friend would understand if they are not able to find arrangements.

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

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  • AlexisA01AlexisA01 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Maggie0829 said:


    AlexisA01 said:


    redoryx said:


    AlexisA01 said:


    FrankensteinLady said:

    c+j2015 said:

    Hey!


    So my matron of honor has a 6 month old and at the time of the wedding the baby will be 8 months. She doesn't trust anyone to watch him but I don't want the baby to be with her the WHOLE day. Her husband is also in the wedding. I asked her to find a babysitter and she said no. She offered for her husband to step out of the wedding but that throws the numbers off. I could ask her to also step down so she can be with the baby but then I have an extra dress. I hate to replace a groomsmen this late in the game. I feel like they would think they are just a backup. When I tried to talk to her about it, she seemed offended that I would suggest getting a babysitter. I just don't trust her to be an active participant in the wedding with her baby around the whole time. Any advice on how to handle this delicately without losing a friendship?
    You dont. I was just this bridesmaid. Husband and I both in WP. 4 month old baby not invited. All caretakers unavailable.

    My husband and I sucked it up for our "friends." We aren't friends anymore. The fact that she could so blatantly disregard my feelings for her vision meant I couldn't continue to care about her.

    Be normal. Realize your wedding will be awesome, even if your MOH needs to hold her baby while she gets her hair worked on. I promise most parents know how to care for their child and most aren't going to set out to ruin your wedding.



    SITB
    So if a bride does not invite a bridesmaids who has a baby, that is wrong? Even if both parents are in the wedding party? We often tell brides here as long you specify who is invited on the invitations and if they chose to have a child/baby free wedding, they are in the clear.


    And an invitation is not a summons, so if parents are invited and not their children, they can choose not to attend and the couple getting married has to accept that they may get declines by having a child free wedding. But if wedding party HAS to be at the wedding so if you ask them to be in your WP and then turn around say their kids aren't invited, you have put them in a really, really tough place where they may not be able to make other arrangements and aren't comfortable with leaving their child with a stranger. 

    I just wondering about that people on the pregnancy forums I belong expect their kid *should*  to be invited to all types of events and I thought I would ask.  I don't understand why the OP would want to dictate how they should parent their child. You are suppose to be a friend and a friend would understand if they are not able to find arrangements.


    Ugh, I hate those types of parents.  Just because you had a baby doesn't mean that I want to invite your kid to everything.

    I think when it comes to kids it is really a case by case basis.  My best friend and her husband is in my wedding party and they have a 3 month old?  Yes, bring the baby (or don't if they don't want to) if that means you will be there.  My second cousin that I only see once every 2 years?  Sorry, your 6 month old is not invited and if that means you have to decline, oh well.

    In the end, if a person is that important to you that you could not imagine that they not be at your wedding, then it is just the obvious choice to allow them to bring their child if they are not able to find a sitter (or can't leave their child with a sitter).


    It is giving me a headache. I know even when planning my invites, I will have to deal with friends who will go speshul snowflake on me with their baby. I would never thought friends stop being friends because their baby isn't invited to everything.

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

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  • delujm0delujm0 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper

    I think the Bride and the MOH are both being kind of unreasonable here.

     

    Bride: you have every right to not want kids at your wedding.  But some people don't like to leave their kids with baby sitters.  So if you don't want kids at your wedding, you have to be ok with those people declining to attend so that they can care for their child instead.

     

    MOH: You can't expect that your kid will be invited everywhere with you.  You shouldn't have accepted an invite into the bridal party without clearing this up with the bride first.  If the kid's not invited, and you won't use a sitter, either you or your husnabd needs to decline the invitation and stay at home.

     

    I agree that the best solution here (assuming that the bride does really want her MOH and her husband to be there) is for the Bride to offer the MOH the opportunity to invite a helper who she does trust with the kid (her mother, sister, MIL, whoever) so that the kid can be at the wedding but not attached to her side during the ceremony.  But once the ceremony is over, you have to then accept that she'll likely be with her kid the rest of the night.  And you'd have to treat this care person as an actual guest, and seat them with the MOH and her husband.  And you can't really forbid her from bringing the kid to getting-ready events (but you could make the getting ready events optional so that your MOH can just decline to attend and stay with her kid instead).  Unfortunately, no matter how close you are with your MOH, her kid is going to be more important to her than your wedding.  So you need to get over that.

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  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    delujm0 said:

    I think the Bride and the MOH are both being kind of unreasonable here.

     

    Bride: you have every right to not want kids at your wedding.  But some people don't like to leave their kids with baby sitters.  So if you don't want kids at your wedding, you have to be ok with those people declining to attend so that they can care for their child instead.

     

    MOH: You can't expect that your kid will be invited everywhere with you.  You shouldn't have accepted an invite into the bridal party without clearing this up with the bride first.  If the kid's not invited, and you won't use a sitter, either you or your husnabd needs to decline the invitation and stay at home.

     

    I agree that the best solution here (assuming that the bride does really want her MOH and her husband to be there) is for the Bride to offer the MOH the opportunity to invite a helper who she does trust with the kid (her mother, sister, MIL, whoever) so that the kid can be at the wedding but not attached to her side during the ceremony.  But once the ceremony is over, you have to then accept that she'll likely be with her kid the rest of the night.  And you'd have to treat this care person as an actual guest, and seat them with the MOH and her husband.  And you can't really forbid her from bringing the kid to getting-ready events (but you could make the getting ready events optional so that your MOH can just decline to attend and stay with her kid instead).  Unfortunately, no matter how close you are with your MOH, her kid is going to be more important to her than your wedding.  So you need to get over that.

    image

    From the paragraph and, I think, the only paragraph by the OP, she never stated that the wedding was adult only. She said that she wanted her MOH to get a babysitter so she didn't have a baby with her the entire day. So that means, this child and this child ONLY is being omitted from the wedding/reception because the parents are in the bridal party and the Bride is being a Bridezilla and NEEDS to have said MOH all to herself on her wedding day. 

    No.
    image

    I don't think that someone to help with the baby during the ceremony is unreasonable, and probably something that the MOH should've thought of, but to remove the baby from the entire day because the Bride needs constant attention is ridiculous.

    image
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    mikenberger said:
    delujm0 said:

    I think the Bride and the MOH are both being kind of unreasonable here.

     

    Bride: you have every right to not want kids at your wedding.  But some people don't like to leave their kids with baby sitters.  So if you don't want kids at your wedding, you have to be ok with those people declining to attend so that they can care for their child instead.

     

    MOH: You can't expect that your kid will be invited everywhere with you.  You shouldn't have accepted an invite into the bridal party without clearing this up with the bride first.  If the kid's not invited, and you won't use a sitter, either you or your husnabd needs to decline the invitation and stay at home.

     

    I agree that the best solution here (assuming that the bride does really want her MOH and her husband to be there) is for the Bride to offer the MOH the opportunity to invite a helper who she does trust with the kid (her mother, sister, MIL, whoever) so that the kid can be at the wedding but not attached to her side during the ceremony.  But once the ceremony is over, you have to then accept that she'll likely be with her kid the rest of the night.  And you'd have to treat this care person as an actual guest, and seat them with the MOH and her husband.  And you can't really forbid her from bringing the kid to getting-ready events (but you could make the getting ready events optional so that your MOH can just decline to attend and stay with her kid instead).  Unfortunately, no matter how close you are with your MOH, her kid is going to be more important to her than your wedding.  So you need to get over that.

    image

    From the paragraph and, I think, the only paragraph by the OP, she never stated that the wedding was adult only. She said that she wanted her MOH to get a babysitter so she didn't have a baby with her the entire day. So that means, this child and this child ONLY is being omitted from the wedding/reception because the parents are in the bridal party and the Bride is being a Bridezilla and NEEDS to have said MOH all to herself on her wedding day. 

    No.
    image

    I don't think that someone to help with the baby during the ceremony is unreasonable, and probably something that the MOH should've thought of, but to remove the baby from the entire day because the Bride needs constant attention is ridiculous.
    So much this.

    My brother and SIL were in my WP and my nephew was only 6 months old at the time.  My SIL's close friend offered to help with nephew before and during the ceremony, and when I found this out DH and I invited her and her BF to the wedding and reception as guests.  SIL and her friend were super excited, and SIL told me she had wanted to ask me if her friend could just attend the ceremony, partly because she wanted to see all our dresses and the ceremony, but that SIL had been afraid to ask bc she didn't want to come off as rude.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • c+j2015c+j2015 member
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    Hi!

    1st of all thank you to those who gave advise without passing quick judgments on my personality or relationship with my MOH. For those of you who were rude and down right hellacious. I'm not sure why you choose to take that kind of attitude, but please realize that what you put on the internet is forever and you can hurt others with your words. Not being a sissy, it's just uncalled for in an adult forum such as this. Key word being ADULT. The high tally of immature posts is the reason I waited so long to reply. It took a while to get genuine advise instead of judgement. 

    I have since talked to my matron of honor and things are mostly resolved. Her son, also my God son, will not be in the wedding. There will be someone there to hold him while pictures are taken and during the ceremony. During the reception it is her call as to what happens with her son. I was never trying to be a bridezilla. No kids are invited to the wedding. Mainly, because I tend to stress about small details and screaming kids is something I wanted to avoid. My whole reason for posting may not have come across. I love my MOH. I drive 2 hours just to have a cup of coffee with her. I actually officiated her wedding, made her bouquet and got her a cake.The wedding was on short notice but I made it the best I possibly could for her on an intern salary. That was some time ago but I always thought that when I got married she would show the same kind of enthusiasm and want to be at all the little events. However, I underestimated the power of a becoming a parent. It's a new dynamic for us and we are still working through the kinks. It's the classic situation where you are thrilled for you best friend but you also really miss them being your best friend not best friend and mother. Since she had her son, I can't call her to do much because she is on his schedule.I know you are probably thinking "Damn this bitch is so self centered" but think back to when you had that one best friend you did anything for and could always call. In the span of a year, they start to miss the little stuff and you write if off as ok because they are parents now. Then they start to miss the big stuff like birthdays and graduations. It's just a hard transition. I'm sure I will understand more when I am a mom. I honestly just wanted to tell her how much her being there means to me but that I am worried about the care plan for her son. The first conversation we had about it did not go well. It was as if asking her about the care plan was an insult. I was heated when I wrote the original post and left out some important details. Maybe that is why many of you jumped to conclusions. It's not about my vision being ruined or wanting to control everything. I honestly never thought about where the baby would be before his part in the ceremony. That is something my MOH and I agreed should have been discussed before accepting the invitation to be in the bridal party.  

    We are both happy with the wedding day arrangements and working through what to do about the smaller events such as the bridal shower and bachlorette party. 

    I really do appreciate the kind words of advice. 

    Report Reply
  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    c+j2015 said:
    Hi!

    1st of all thank you to those who gave advise without passing quick judgments on my personality or relationship with my MOH. For those of you who were rude and down right hellacious. I'm not sure why you choose to take that kind of attitude, but please realize that what you put on the internet is forever and you can hurt others with your words. Not being a sissy, it's just uncalled for in an adult forum such as this. Key word being ADULT. The high tally of immature posts is the reason I waited so long to reply. It took a while to get genuine advise instead of judgement. 

    I have since talked to my matron of honor and things are mostly resolved. Her son, also my God son, will not be in the wedding. There will be someone there to hold him while pictures are taken and during the ceremony. During the reception it is her call as to what happens with her son. I was never trying to be a bridezilla. No kids are invited to the wedding. Mainly, because I tend to stress about small details and screaming kids is something I wanted to avoid. My whole reason for posting may not have come across. I love my MOH. I drive 2 hours just to have a cup of coffee with her. I actually officiated her wedding, made her bouquet and got her a cake.The wedding was on short notice but I made it the best I possibly could for her on an intern salary. That was some time ago but I always thought that when I got married she would show the same kind of enthusiasm and want to be at all the little events. However, I underestimated the power of a becoming a parent. It's a new dynamic for us and we are still working through the kinks. It's the classic situation where you are thrilled for you best friend but you also really miss them being your best friend not best friend and mother. Since she had her son, I can't call her to do much because she is on his schedule.I know you are probably thinking "Damn this bitch is so self centered" but think back to when you had that one best friend you did anything for and could always call. In the span of a year, they start to miss the little stuff and you write if off as ok because they are parents now. Then they start to miss the big stuff like birthdays and graduations. It's just a hard transition. I'm sure I will understand more when I am a mom. I honestly just wanted to tell her how much her being there means to me but that I am worried about the care plan for her son. The first conversation we had about it did not go well. It was as if asking her about the care plan was an insult. I was heated when I wrote the original post and left out some important details. Maybe that is why many of you jumped to conclusions. It's not about my vision being ruined or wanting to control everything. I honestly never thought about where the baby would be before his part in the ceremony. That is something my MOH and I agreed should have been discussed before accepting the invitation to be in the bridal party.  

    We are both happy with the wedding day arrangements and working through what to do about the smaller events such as the bridal shower and bachlorette party. 

    I really do appreciate the kind words of advice. 

    JIC

    Oh, and you might want to watch what you put on the interwebz too.  Because you came off pretty shitty in your OP, and that's not our fault.  

    This is an open forum, people can comment however they please and on whatever they want.  You got plenty of "genuine advice;" you just didn't like it because it wasn't formatted in a way you wanted, or validating your feelings.  Well, sometimes the thing you are trying to plan sucks, and people are going to tell you that it sucks.  We don't have to pussyfoot around trying to tell you that.  So be an adult and handle the constructive criticism.

    It was nice of you to do all of those things for her wedding, but it wasn't required.  Weddings are not tit for tat.  Be a good friend first, especially during this transition period in her life.  The rest will follow.  


    image
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  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    c+j2015 said:
    Hi!

    1st of all thank you to those who gave advise without passing quick judgments on my personality or relationship with my MOH. For those of you who were rude and down right hellacious. I'm not sure why you choose to take that kind of attitude, but please realize that what you put on the internet is forever and you can hurt others with your words. Not being a sissy, it's just uncalled for in an adult forum such as this. Key word being ADULT. The high tally of immature posts is the reason I waited so long to reply. It took a while to get genuine advise instead of judgement. 

    I have since talked to my matron of honor and things are mostly resolved. Her son, also my God son, will not be in the wedding. There will be someone there to hold him while pictures are taken and during the ceremony. During the reception it is her call as to what happens with her son. I was never trying to be a bridezilla. No kids are invited to the wedding. Mainly, because I tend to stress about small details and screaming kids is something I wanted to avoid. My whole reason for posting may not have come across. I love my MOH. I drive 2 hours just to have a cup of coffee with her. I actually officiated her wedding, made her bouquet and got her a cake.The wedding was on short notice but I made it the best I possibly could for her on an intern salary. That was some time ago but I always thought that when I got married she would show the same kind of enthusiasm and want to be at all the little events. However, I underestimated the power of a becoming a parent. It's a new dynamic for us and we are still working through the kinks. It's the classic situation where you are thrilled for you best friend but you also really miss them being your best friend not best friend and mother. Since she had her son, I can't call her to do much because she is on his schedule.I know you are probably thinking "Damn this bitch is so self centered" but think back to when you had that one best friend you did anything for and could always call. In the span of a year, they start to miss the little stuff and you write if off as ok because they are parents now. Then they start to miss the big stuff like birthdays and graduations. It's just a hard transition. I'm sure I will understand more when I am a mom. I honestly just wanted to tell her how much her being there means to me but that I am worried about the care plan for her son. The first conversation we had about it did not go well. It was as if asking her about the care plan was an insult. I was heated when I wrote the original post and left out some important details. Maybe that is why many of you jumped to conclusions. It's not about my vision being ruined or wanting to control everything. I honestly never thought about where the baby would be before his part in the ceremony. That is something my MOH and I agreed should have been discussed before accepting the invitation to be in the bridal party.  

    We are both happy with the wedding day arrangements and working through what to do about the smaller events such as the bridal shower and bachlorette party. 

    I really do appreciate the kind words of advice. 

    1) Learn how to spell advice.

    2) To the bolded: FFS, you haven't come as far as you think you have.



    Anniversary
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You said it's not about "vision", but you, OP, said in your original post "if her husband drops out, we'll have uneven sides", "if she drops out I"ll have an extra dress". That is putting your vision ahead of your friends.

    I get that it can be sad that your friend is not as available as you'd like her to be, but weddings are not tit for tat. You did that stuff for her wedding, presumably, because you wanted to. Your friend is in a different stage of her life- her child will ALWAYS come first. 

    No, you aren't required to invite children to your wedding, but then you need to be prepared that guests (or WP members) will decline to attend if that is the case. If your friend is so important to you, then you move mountains to make it possible for her to be there. No, that doesn't mean she holds her son while standing up beside you, but your friend isn't required to spend every waking moment with you on that day. 

    And, there are no issues with the shower and bachelorette- what issues would there be? She is not required to plan or attend any of them. She will attend if it's possible. 
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  • redbride21redbride21 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Hi,

    So sorry you are getting so much hate on here. I just want to validate your concerns, you are not selfish and there is no need for the responses on here to be basically yelling at you.

    It's your wedding, I'm sure you were important part of your MOH's wedding and you want the same in return. My best friend is also my MOH and she is due one month before my wedding. Luckily her mother is going to travel and watch the baby at the hotel while my MOH is w/me for pictures, etc... I have told her to do whatever she needs, she will one of the last to get hair and makeup done and will likely pop in and out of the wedding/maybe leave early to take care of her little one.

    My advice, having not gone through it yet is try and be flexible. It's tough that your MOH can't find a relative to help handle the care that day but it's not something you can control.

    I completely validate your frustration, it's totally okay to be annoyed! Just keep it between yourself and your mom or someone you can vent to. You don't want to ruin your friendship.

    Congratulations and best wishes!!
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