Well, you could go the tough love route and tell her she's out unless she finds a babysitter (I'm sure her parents or her in laws would watch him if they're not coming to your wedding) or you trust that she's going to share the baby with her hubby and they can take turns watching him and being an active member of the bridal party. If you think your friendship would be over for sure if you went with the first option, then maybe you could ask her if it would be OK if she was a bridesmaid and the MOH title went to a different bridesmaid.
Hi,
So sorry you are getting so much hate on here. I just want to validate your concerns, you are not selfish and there is no need for the responses on here to be basically yelling at you.
It's your wedding, I'm sure you were important part of your MOH's wedding and you want the same in return. My best friend is also my MOH and she is due one month before my wedding. Luckily her mother is going to travel and watch the baby at the hotel while my MOH is w/me for pictures, etc... I have told her to do whatever she needs, she will one of the last to get hair and makeup done and will likely pop in and out of the wedding/maybe leave early to take care of her little one.
My advice, having not gone through it yet is try and be flexible. It's tough that your MOH can't find a relative to help handle the care that day but it's not something you can control.
I completely validate your frustration, it's totally okay to be annoyed! Just keep it between yourself and your mom or someone you can vent to. You don't want to ruin your friendship.
Congratulations and best wishes!!
NO. There is no "hate." Only people pointing out selfishness.
I have a similar issue, although I am not even having a wedding party. My family is trying to bully me into changing my "no one under the age of 21" rule to allow my 2-year old nephew to attend the entire day. In my eyes, I have seen the kid at church screaming and I have no urge to have him serenade everyone during my vows. Also, I guess my situation is different because my nephew and sister live with my parents, so my mom is hawk-eyed over him and only him whenever he is around and cannot focus on anything else. She is having early withdrawal at the thought of him not being invited. So they are continuously barraging me to change my mind, even when I offered the compromise that yes he can sit through the ceremony but during the reception I would make sure there was a babysitter at the hotel so that he would be accommodated and the adults can enjoy the evening. Apparently this is Bridezilla at its worst. So let me know what all you bitties think of my situation.
Well, you could go the tough love route and tell her she's out unless she finds a babysitter (I'm sure her parents or her in laws would watch him if they're not coming to your wedding) or you trust that she's going to share the baby with her hubby and they can take turns watching him and being an active member of the bridal party. If you think your friendship would be over for sure if you went with the first option, then maybe you could ask her if it would be OK if she was a bridesmaid and the MOH title went to a different bridesmaid.
I have a similar issue, although I am not even having a wedding party. My family is trying to bully me into changing my "no one under the age of 21" rule to allow my 2-year old nephew to attend the entire day. In my eyes, I have seen the kid at church screaming and I have no urge to have him serenade everyone during my vows. Also, I guess my situation is different because my nephew and sister live with my parents, so my mom is hawk-eyed over him and only him whenever he is around and cannot focus on anything else. She is having early withdrawal at the thought of him not being invited. So they are continuously barraging me to change my mind, even when I offered the compromise that yes he can sit through the ceremony but during the reception I would make sure there was a babysitter at the hotel so that he would be accommodated and the adults can enjoy the evening. Apparently this is Bridezilla at its worst. So let me know what all you bitties think of my situation.
That's cute that you called the fine ladies on this board bitties.
After reading some of the responses this poor bride got from all (by all I mean the majority of the respondents) of these "experienced" and oh so very "helpful" people, I am now terrified to post for help and or "advice" (as some people who are just insulting seem to think they are giving) for my own semi-similar not quite the same situation. c+j2015 I hope you find something that works for both you and the bridesmaid and wish you the best and a happy wedding!
After reading some of the responses this poor bride got from all (by all I mean the majority of the respondents) of these "experienced" and oh so very "helpful" people, I am not terrified to post for help and or "advice" (as some people who are just insulting seem to think they are giving) for my own semi-similar not quite the same situation. c+j2015 I hope you find something that works for both you and the bridesmaid and wish you the best and a happy wedding!
You don't need advice anyway. There's nothing to worry about. Your WP member is a parent who needs to take care of their child, and you are not the center of the universe, so everything will work out how it works out.
When you ask an Internet forum what their thoughts and opinions are, guess what are you going to get? Thoughts and opinions. Can't take the heat? Get out the kitchen.
Well, you could go the tough love route and tell her she's out unless she finds a babysitter (I'm sure her parents or her in laws would watch him if they're not coming to your wedding) or you trust that she's going to share the baby with her hubby and they can take turns watching him and being an active member of the bridal party. If you think your friendship would be over for sure if you went with the first option, then maybe you could ask her if it would be OK if she was a bridesmaid and the MOH title went to a different bridesmaid.
I have a similar issue, although I am not even having a wedding party. My family is trying to bully me into changing my "no one under the age of 21" rule to allow my 2-year old nephew to attend the entire day. In my eyes, I have seen the kid at church screaming and I have no urge to have him serenade everyone during my vows. Also, I guess my situation is different because my nephew and sister live with my parents, so my mom is hawk-eyed over him and only him whenever he is around and cannot focus on anything else. She is having early withdrawal at the thought of him not being invited. So they are continuously barraging me to change my mind, even when I offered the compromise that yes he can sit through the ceremony but during the reception I would make sure there was a babysitter at the hotel so that he would be accommodated and the adults can enjoy the evening. Apparently this is Bridezilla at its worst. So let me know what all you bitties think of my situation.
Woah! I think people maybe need to just take a breath and settle down. Maybe stop with the name calling and try a little more civil approach? I understand wanting someone around to care for the little one, because let's face it - your maid of honor is going to be taking pictures for a large chunk of time and it's not as if having the little guy on her hip is an option. And I think we need to remember, babies are cute...but have you ever had a colicky baby? Maybe this little one isn't easily appeased - we don't know. We all want to enjoy our wedding day and having a crying baby around all day maybe isn't the day we have dreamed about? So let's not judge, shall we? And when she agreed to be a part of your wedding, she agreed to a certain responsibility...however not to say that trumps her responsibility as a parent. I would definitely offer to have her bring a close friend and/or family member(s) to the wedding to spend the day with the bridal party so the baby is close in case she needs to nurse, etc. and so that she can still stand up next to you during the ceremony and support you as well. This seems like a compromise I would think both sides could be happy with.
Her baby is important, and she obviously has attachment issues, so let her and her husband step down if they really want to. Just remind them that it's no big deal and that you understand their baby takes priority over their other responsibilities within their lives. Don't begrudge them their smothering parenting style if is so terrible and unthinkable to have a babysitter for less than half the day.
Well, you could go the tough love route and tell her she's out unless she finds a babysitter (I'm sure her parents or her in laws would watch him if they're not coming to your wedding) or you trust that she's going to share the baby with her hubby and they can take turns watching him and being an active member of the bridal party. If you think your friendship would be over for sure if you went with the first option, then maybe you could ask her if it would be OK if she was a bridesmaid and the MOH title went to a different bridesmaid.
What? On what fucking planet do you reside where you can "tough love" someone out of being a parent? Maybe she doesn't have an family where she lives; it's just her and her husband. Not everybody lives by family.
You are so absolutely 100% incorrect in your thought process but from most of your postings, you're pretty much wrong on most things etiquette related.
Her baby is important, and she obviously has attachment issues, so let her and her husband step down if they really want to. Just remind them that it's no big deal and that you understand their baby takes priority over their other responsibilities within their lives. Don't begrudge them their smothering parenting style if is so terrible and unthinkable to have a babysitter for less than half the day.
I have a similar issue, although I am not even having a wedding party. My family is trying to bully me into changing my "no one under the age of 21" rule to allow my 2-year old nephew to attend the entire day. In my eyes, I have seen the kid at church screaming and I have no urge to have him serenade everyone during my vows. Also, I guess my situation is different because my nephew and sister live with my parents, so my mom is hawk-eyed over him and only him whenever he is around and cannot focus on anything else. She is having early withdrawal at the thought of him not being invited. So they are continuously barraging me to change my mind, even when I offered the compromise that yes he can sit through the ceremony but during the reception I would make sure there was a babysitter at the hotel so that he would be accommodated and the adults can enjoy the evening. Apparently this is Bridezilla at its worst. So let me know what all you bitties think of my situation.
Just keep standing your ground and don't invite the children to anything. It's not rude to not invite children to your event, but it would be rude to only invite them to part of the event (ie the ceremony only).
Well, you could go the tough love route and tell her she's out unless she finds a babysitter (I'm sure her parents or her in laws would watch him if they're not coming to your wedding) or you trust that she's going to share the baby with her hubby and they can take turns watching him and being an active member of the bridal party. If you think your friendship would be over for sure if you went with the first option, then maybe you could ask her if it would be OK if she was a bridesmaid and the MOH title went to a different bridesmaid.
Her baby is important, and she obviously has attachment issues, so let her and her husband step down if they really want to. Just remind them that it's no big deal and that you understand their baby takes priority over their other responsibilities within their lives. Don't begrudge them their smothering parenting style if is so terrible and unthinkable to have a babysitter for less than half the day.
Nopenopenopenope.
What is wrong with people? Why do you think
that just because you don a white dress to walk down an aisle and get
married that you're entitled to act like selfish, immature brats who
require the undivided attention of everyone around you all day?!
That's not how it works! That's not how any of this works!
The OP needs to chill out and let her MOH and the GM parent their own child however they deem fit. They will figure it out.
None of you should be worrying about what members of your bridal party are going to do with their own kids on the day of your weddings. You all need to be flexible, give your friends options, and don't expect them to be up your ass at all times for the entire day. . . because it's unnecessary.
Sure, you might be getting married that day, but that still doesn't make you the center of the universe.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Well, you could go the tough love route and tell her she's out unless she finds a babysitter (I'm sure her parents or her in laws would watch him if they're not coming to your wedding) or you trust that she's going to share the baby with her hubby and they can take turns watching him and being an active member of the bridal party. If you think your friendship would be over for sure if you went with the first option, then maybe you could ask her if it would be OK if she was a bridesmaid and the MOH title went to a different bridesmaid.
Having read all the comments.... HOLY CRAP there are a lot of bitches on this site! I mean, sides being un-even and having an extra BM dress really aren't things that one should worry about, fine, I'm with you there. But holy jumping to conclusions! I certainly would assume that ALL children aren't invited if the MOH's child isn't, I would NOT assume that the bride is being a controlling bitch and kicking out only 1 kid! It's as if you're deconstructing every word of the post to try and make her sound as horrible of a person as possible.
As other posts on this site have discussed, it IS ok to have a kid-free wedding (although I'm sure the posters here did not take part in those conversations), and as others have said, you just have to be OK with people declining because of that. But if the MOH agreed to be the MOH at a kid-free wedding, then that's not the bride's fault.
Parents these days (e.g. most of the posters here) have gone totally crazy. I've taken care of other people's children since I was 12, and even though you can now do online background checks for babysitters, people are just getting more paranoid. Maybe it's GOOD for your child to be exposed to different people! The horror!
We're inviting kids to our wedding, but my sister is leaving her 5 month old with her mother-in-law for the day. Because she also wants to have fun and realizes that while my niece may be the most precious thing in her life, she's not to everyone else's. Is it really selfish to not want a baby screaming through your vows? I think it's more selfish to think that your baby being everywhere is more important than your friend exchanging lifelong vows with her partner in front of everyone they love and care for, and being able to do so in peace.
OP, I'm glad that you've been able to come up with a compromise, and whatever you do, don't listen to the trash on here.
Having read all the comments.... HOLY CRAP there are a lot of bitches on this site! I mean, sides being un-even and having an extra BM dress really aren't things that one should worry about, fine, I'm with you there. But holy jumping to conclusions! I certainly would assume that ALL children aren't invited if the MOH's child isn't, I would NOT assume that the bride is being a controlling bitch and kicking out only 1 kid! It's as if you're deconstructing every word of the post to try and make her sound as horrible of a person as possible.
As other posts on this site have discussed, it IS ok to have a kid-free wedding (although I'm sure the posters here did not take part in those conversations), and as others have said, you just have to be OK with people declining because of that. But if the MOH agreed to be the MOH at a kid-free wedding, then that's not the bride's fault.
Parents these days (e.g. most of the posters here) have gone totally crazy. I've taken care of other people's children since I was 12, and even though you can now do online background checks for babysitters, people are just getting more paranoid. Maybe it's GOOD for your child to be exposed to different people! The horror!
We're inviting kids to our wedding, but my sister is leaving her 5 month old with her mother-in-law for the day. Because she also wants to have fun and realizes that while my niece may be the most precious thing in her life, she's not to everyone else's. Is it really selfish to not want a baby screaming through your vows? I think it's more selfish to think that your baby being everywhere is more important than your friend exchanging lifelong vows with her partner in front of everyone they love and care for, and being able to do so in peace.
OP, I'm glad that you've been able to come up with a compromise, and whatever you do, don't listen to the trash on here.
Having read all the comments.... HOLY CRAP there are a lot of bitches on this site! I mean, sides being un-even and having an extra BM dress really aren't things that one should worry about, fine, I'm with you there. But holy jumping to conclusions! I certainly would assume that ALL children aren't invited if the MOH's child isn't, I would NOT assume that the bride is being a controlling bitch and kicking out only 1 kid! It's as if you're deconstructing every word of the post to try and make her sound as horrible of a person as possible.
As other posts on this site have discussed, it IS ok to have a kid-free wedding (although I'm sure the posters here did not take part in those conversations), and as others have said, you just have to be OK with people declining because of that. But if the MOH agreed to be the MOH at a kid-free wedding, then that's not the bride's fault.
Parents these days (e.g. most of the posters here) have gone totally crazy. I've taken care of other people's children since I was 12, and even though you can now do online background checks for babysitters, people are just getting more paranoid. Maybe it's GOOD for your child to be exposed to different people! The horror!
We're inviting kids to our wedding, but my sister is leaving her 5 month old with her mother-in-law for the day. Because she also wants to have fun and realizes that while my niece may be the most precious thing in her life, she's not to everyone else's. Is it really selfish to not want a baby screaming through your vows? I think it's more selfish to think that your baby being everywhere is more important than your friend exchanging lifelong vows with her partner in front of everyone they love and care for, and being able to do so in peace.
OP, I'm glad that you've been able to come up with a compromise, and whatever you do, don't listen to the trash on here.
So, we're "bitches" AND "trash". Wow. And that makes you what, exactly? There have been no personal attacks here until your post.
Having read all the comments.... HOLY CRAP there are a lot of bitches on this site! I mean, sides being un-even and having an extra BM dress really aren't things that one should worry about, fine, I'm with you there. But holy jumping to conclusions! I certainly would assume that ALL children aren't invited if the MOH's child isn't, I would NOT assume that the bride is being a controlling bitch and kicking out only 1 kid! It's as if you're deconstructing every word of the post to try and make her sound as horrible of a person as possible.
As other posts on this site have discussed, it IS ok to have a kid-free wedding (although I'm sure the posters here did not take part in those conversations), and as others have said, you just have to be OK with people declining because of that. But if the MOH agreed to be the MOH at a kid-free wedding, then that's not the bride's fault.
Parents these days (e.g. most of the posters here) have gone totally crazy. I've taken care of other people's children since I was 12, and even though you can now do online background checks for babysitters, people are just getting more paranoid. Maybe it's GOOD for your child to be exposed to different people! The horror!
We're inviting kids to our wedding, but my sister is leaving her 5 month old with her mother-in-law for the day. Because she also wants to have fun and realizes that while my niece may be the most precious thing in her life, she's not to everyone else's. Is it really selfish to not want a baby screaming through your vows? I think it's more selfish to think that your baby being everywhere is more important than your friend exchanging lifelong vows with her partner in front of everyone they love and care for, and being able to do so in peace.
OP, I'm glad that you've been able to come up with a compromise, and whatever you do, don't listen to the trash on here.
To the first bolded, please refrain from calling community members "bitches".
To the second bolded, I had a child free wedding and post about it all the time. I'm not the only one. Maybe if you lurked more, you'd see that it's common. Oh, but everyone else jumps to conclusions, not you.....sorry oh holy one.
To the third bolded, most of the posters here are not parents. Why are you saying that? Again, you seem to be the one jumping to conclusions.
To the fourth bolded, of course not. We didn't want screaming children during our vows (or at any other time during the entire event), so they were not invited at all.
Having read all the comments.... HOLY CRAP there are a lot of bitches on this site! I mean, sides being un-even and having an extra BM dress really aren't things that one should worry about, fine, I'm with you there. But holy jumping to conclusions! I certainly would assume that ALL children aren't invited if the MOH's child isn't, I would NOT assume that the bride is being a controlling bitch and kicking out only 1 kid! It's as if you're deconstructing every word of the post to try and make her sound as horrible of a person as possible.
As other posts on this site have discussed, it IS ok to have a kid-free wedding (although I'm sure the posters here did not take part in those conversations), and as others have said, you just have to be OK with people declining because of that. But if the MOH agreed to be the MOH at a kid-free wedding, then that's not the bride's fault.
Parents these days (e.g. most of the posters here) have gone totally crazy. I've taken care of other people's children since I was 12, and even though you can now do online background checks for babysitters, people are just getting more paranoid. Maybe it's GOOD for your child to be exposed to different people! The horror!
We're inviting kids to our wedding, but my sister is leaving her 5 month old with her mother-in-law for the day. Because she also wants to have fun and realizes that while my niece may be the most precious thing in her life, she's not to everyone else's. Is it really selfish to not want a baby screaming through your vows? I think it's more selfish to think that your baby being everywhere is more important than your friend exchanging lifelong vows with her partner in front of everyone they love and care for, and being able to do so in peace.
OP, I'm glad that you've been able to come up with a compromise, and whatever you do, don't listen to the trash on here.
A BABY NEEDS TO BE CARED FOR. IT'S NOT ALWAYS POSSIBLE TO LEAVE SAID BABY WITH SOMEONE ELSE SO THAT YOU CAN MAKE YOUR FRIEND FEEL LIKE A PRINCESS FOR THE DAY. THAT DOES NOT MAKE THEM CRAZY OR HELICOPTER PARENTS.
The advice: "You should deal with the fact that your MOH might have to care for a baby while you're getting ready and during the reception and cannot focus all her attention on you all the damn day. It makes sense that they should have to hand off the kid during the ceremony, but you should realize the difficulty that may create for them since both parents are in the WP and you haven't invited a third family member who plans to watch the baby during the ceremony."
is neither trash and is the only possible solution that won't result in a damaged relationship with the MOH. Yes, real bitchy of us to suggest that.
Having read all the comments.... HOLY CRAP there are a lot of bitches on this site!Aw hun, you must be new! I guess you didn't bother to read the TOS, eh? Because while I don't give a flying rat's ass at being called a bitch- I own it when I'm actually being a bitch, and I'm the hottest bitch in the place- I'm not sure if the other ladies will take too kindly to that personal attack, especially when they were just trying to give direct, concise, no bullshit advice. If you had actually read the OP and all of the follow up comments, you'd see how ridiculous and selfish and shallow the OP was coming off. And you would have seen why she was being given the advice she was given. I mean, sides being un-even and having an extra BM dress really aren't things that one should worry about, fine, I'm with you there. But holy jumping to conclusions! I certainly would assume that ALL children aren't invited if the MOH's child isn't, I would NOT assume that the bride is being a controlling bitch and kicking out only 1 kid! It's as if you're deconstructing every word of the post to try and make her sound as horrible of a person as possible.
As other posts on this site have discussed, it IS ok to have a kid-free wedding (although I'm sure the posters here did not take part in those conversations), and as others have said, you just have to be OK with people declining because of that. But if the MOH agreed to be the MOH at a kid-free wedding, then that's not the bride's fault. Many posters said that child free weddings are fine, etiquette wise. And then many of us went on to suggest that at some point adults have to excercise common fucking sense and realize that if both parents are IN the wedding party, and the child in question is an infant dependent on both of them, then maybe an exception to the child free wedding could should be made to make everyone's lives easier and to ensure that the bride's nearest and dearest friends, whose presence in her wedding is supposedly her ONLY concern, can actually participate in her wedding.
Parents these days (e.g. most of the posters here) have gone totally crazy. I've taken care of other people's children since I was 12, and even though you can now do online background checks for babysitters, people are just getting more paranoid. Maybe it's GOOD for your child to be exposed to different people! The horror!
We're inviting kids to our wedding, but my sister is leaving her 5 month old with her mother-in-law for the day. Because she also wants to have fun and realizes that while my niece may be the most precious thing in her life, she's not to everyone else's. Is it really selfish to not want a baby screaming through your vows? Yeah, and it's kind of shallow anda silly thing to worry about. I hate screaming kids. I find them annoying and enraging at restaurants and movies, etc. I wasn't that worried about it during my wedding vows because A. I've heard wedding vows a TON of times, they are all basically the same. It's not like we were all going to miss the secret of life or the unveiling of the mysteries of the universe or the cure for cancer and B. A child crying during vows wasn't going to keep me from actually getting married, which was my main focus on my wedding day. My 6 month old nephew DID cry during my wedding ceremony. And my cousin walked him out of the church until he calmed down. And I still got married and had a great day. I don't get why so many women freak the fuck out over this shit? And I think it's more selfish to think that your baby being everywhere is more important than your friend exchanging lifelong vows with her partner in front of everyone they love and care for, and being able to do so in peace. When you're a parent, the care of your CHILD IS more important than your friends exchanging lifelong vows. The care of your child is more important than standing around for hours while the bride gets ready, it's more important then posing for pictures, etc. Get real, people.I'm not a parent and I can figure this out. I also managed to get married while not offending or alienating the parents who were in my bridal party.
OP, I'm glad that you've been able to come up with a compromise, and whatever you do, don't listen to the trash on here. And now you have gone too far because I am certainly not trash, and neither are the other ladies here. So, bye Felicia!
Re: My Matron of Honor refuses to get a babysitter for the wedding
Thanks for the warning. I'm looking forward to busting out my newsletter gif.
NO. There is no "hate." Only people pointing out selfishness.Formerly martha1818
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Nopenopenopenope.
What is wrong with people? Why do you think that just because you don a white dress to walk down an aisle and get married that you're entitled to act like selfish, immature brats who require the undivided attention of everyone around you all day?!
That's not how it works! That's not how any of this works!
The OP needs to chill out and let her MOH and the GM parent their own child however they deem fit. They will figure it out.
None of you should be worrying about what members of your bridal party are going to do with their own kids on the day of your weddings. You all need to be flexible, give your friends options, and don't expect them to be up your ass at all times for the entire day. . . because it's unnecessary.
Sure, you might be getting married that day, but that still doesn't make you the center of the universe.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
As other posts on this site have discussed, it IS ok to have a kid-free wedding (although I'm sure the posters here did not take part in those conversations), and as others have said, you just have to be OK with people declining because of that. But if the MOH agreed to be the MOH at a kid-free wedding, then that's not the bride's fault.
Parents these days (e.g. most of the posters here) have gone totally crazy. I've taken care of other people's children since I was 12, and even though you can now do online background checks for babysitters, people are just getting more paranoid. Maybe it's GOOD for your child to be exposed to different people! The horror!
We're inviting kids to our wedding, but my sister is leaving her 5 month old with her mother-in-law for the day. Because she also wants to have fun and realizes that while my niece may be the most precious thing in her life, she's not to everyone else's. Is it really selfish to not want a baby screaming through your vows? I think it's more selfish to think that your baby being everywhere is more important than your friend exchanging lifelong vows with her partner in front of everyone they love and care for, and being able to do so in peace.
OP, I'm glad that you've been able to come up with a compromise, and whatever you do, don't listen to the trash on here.
A BABY NEEDS TO BE CARED FOR. IT'S NOT ALWAYS POSSIBLE TO LEAVE SAID BABY WITH SOMEONE ELSE SO THAT YOU CAN MAKE YOUR FRIEND FEEL LIKE A PRINCESS FOR THE DAY. THAT DOES NOT MAKE THEM CRAZY OR HELICOPTER PARENTS.
The advice: "You should deal with the fact that your MOH might have to care for a baby while you're getting ready and during the reception and cannot focus all her attention on you all the damn day. It makes sense that they should have to hand off the kid during the ceremony, but you should realize the difficulty that may create for them since both parents are in the WP and you haven't invited a third family member who plans to watch the baby during the ceremony."
is neither trash and is the only possible solution that won't result in a damaged relationship with the MOH. Yes, real bitchy of us to suggest that.
etf double quote"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."