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needing to get married soon. wwyd

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Re: needing to get married soon. wwyd

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    redoryxredoryx member
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    flantastic said:

    OP - say you get married now, the adoption goes through before the PFA runs out, yay. All is legally right with the world.

    Your ex decides that "fuck this piece of paper I'm going after them." Because if you're truly in danger, that is extremely likely to happen. As other people have said, you can't stop crazy with the paper or the fact that your FI is now his legal guardian.

    You say, "Well, we probably should move away so he can't get to us, but we've already planned this whole wedding AND I WANTS IT, so we'll just wait until after our big fancy party to move. We can do both." Is that your plan?

    I don't believe your son is truly in danger, if the PFA has made everything okay for the last however long. But if you truly believe he is, your platform is SO RIDICULOUS.

    Seriously. A piece of paper isn't going to stop anyone determined enough. 
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    Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
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    needsadvice22 said:

    ashley8918 said:

    needsadvice22 said:

    JCbride2015 said:

    needsadvice22 said:

    flantastic said:

    needsadvice22 said:

    JCbride2015 said:

    mikenberger said:

    needsadvice22 said:

    flutteringinfl said:

    If there's an issue with your son's safety, you should call the police, not worry about whether or not you're going to get a big fancy wedding.

    We have a pfa against my ex. He tried killing myself and my son. The pfa is up next May and we can't renew it. The police won't do anything. He abused me in the past and he's still taking away pieces on my life now.
    How can your FI adopt your son? I assume the parental rights are not terminated of the father?
    Right-- it seems like the issue is that OP needs to terminate the birth father's parental rights.  Why does Fi need to adopt the son to accomplish this?

    Either way, taking at face value your statement, OP, that this adoption will help the safety of your son: get married now and either forgo your deposits, or keep the later party as a celebration of your marriage.

    The way I see it, you want all three of the below things:
    -- Your son's safety (which I take is #1)
    -- Big fancy wedding
    -- Your $1000 back

    You can't have all of them.  But you can probably have two of the three, you just have to compromise somewhere.  Life is full of compromises.  If it were me I'd kiss my $1000 goodbye and just throw the best wedding I could pull together within the new timeframe, because I wouldn't be interested in a celebration of marriage party (nor an actual PPD).
    It wasn't my money. It was the money my dad left me before he died so I could have a big wedding. And I'm not going into a lot of details but we have a lawyer and we know it's going to be easy to get his rights terminated but when the pfa runs out, he could fight it. We can still do it without the pfa but it might be harder. And in PA, someone has to be will to adopt and legally able to before rights can be terminated.



    I could see this being the case if you were trying to terminate the parental rights of both parents, but I don't believe this since you are still in the picture. You are his guardian. You can't tell me that PA requires there to be two legal guardians at all times.

    I don't think you have a clear legal picture here.

    We've been to a few different lawyers. Some in family court, some that deal with criminal due to his history. They all said the same thing. He can get visitation taken from him but he'd still be able to fight it down the road unless his rights are terminated.
    So terminate his fucking parental rights. If his behavior has been documented I don't see how that would be difficult.


    But your wedding should not even be a factor.
    It's not. We need to do what we need to. But we spent all this money so either way we're doing both. I'm still getting my dress. I really don't care. This post was pointless. Thank you for everyone trying to make me feel bad.
    Sugar, you are putting your pretty princess party above your child's life. You should feel bad.
    When did I say I'm putting my wedding above my son? I want to do both and just want to see what everyone's opinions were. But fact is, mine and my fiances family isn't as judgmental and this all made me realize this. So I'm doing both. Thank you.



    Reality says that you can't always have your cake and eat it too. I'm not even sure WHY you'd want to eat your cake when you are in this terrible, awful situation. I wouldn't even be thinking about cake (gasp!) until all of this was well in the past.

    However, mostly everyone on here has given you AWESOME advice- go to the JOP and get married, get this shit with your ex and your new DH out of the way, then throw an awesome party to celebrate the marriage. It can have everything you want about a big wedding, minus the wedding. You can have a knockout cocktail gown, you can have an open bar, you can have gorgeous floral arrangements on the tables, a band/DJ, cake, dancing, etc. You just won't be exchanging vows (already did that) and you won't have a bridal party. People will completely understand why you are just having a party and not a bigger wedding. br>

    FWIW- I had a civil "JOP" wedding on a beach. It was gorgeous. We exchanged vows, I had a bouquet, and we had pictures taken. No one was there guest-wise, but it was a beyond special moment. JOP doesn't have to mean just signing a paper at a courthouse.

     







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    sarawifenowsarawifenow member
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    LondonLisaLondonLisa member
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    wow, OP, GROW UP!

    You are prioritising a party over your son's safety (your words)?! Being an adult means recognising that, yes, things don't always work out how you dream. Being a good parent means that your son's needs come before your wedding vision. Also, if he tried to kill your son, how is your ex not in jail????

    This has to be one of the most screwed up priorities posts I have ever seen on here. And yes, you should feel bad and embarrassed for posting that a party is more important. 

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    larrygagalarrygaga member
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    You have to wonder if her ex is really as bad as she says. You also have to wonder if he's not that bad and that he actually has a chance to get rights back, which is why shes so worried. I refuse to believe a judge would rule in his favor if this was all true. So it's not true.

    Figured it out!
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    NowIAmSypNowIAmSyp member
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    edited March 2015
    I never knew something on the internetz could make me so mad in real life.  Way to go, OP...  

    Plenty of people (myself included) were nice and gave good advice.  You're stamping your feet and digging in, and not listening to reason and common sense- so just go away.

    Ick.


    ETF: spelling
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    kikilamp said:

    I call BS. I was a social worker in PA and in all that time I NEVER heard of a rule in which a married couple (or a non married couple, for that matter) needing to wait A YEAR after marriage to adopt. That makes zero sense to me. Are you sure this is correct OP?

    I was about to post this. My friend got married a week ago and they filed for her new hubby to adopt her daughter two days ago.
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    emmaaaemmaaa mod
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    I literally can't even with this post.

    OP I pray this is MUD. If it's  not, I pray that you'll come to your senses and grow the fuck up.

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    amelishaamelisha member
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    VulgarGirlVulgarGirl member
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    lacqueredlover said:

    I just dont' get how 2 days ago you were not aware of this now "dire situation" and were worried about colors for your wedding and maids of honor and now all of the sudden you think a piece of paper would stop a crazy ex from harming you?


    Methinks something is amiss
    Girl come on be real. Wedding colors and MOH matter like OMG so much more then some kid. Like, kids are tough, he'll be fine. Duck and cover, right? 
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    VulgarGirlVulgarGirl member
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    lacqueredlover said:

    She also said she has a baby with her fiance and that her first son's bio dad isn't in the picture.  And seemed more intent on making sure a 2  year old didn't feel left out than her 6 year olds safety as in this post.


    WTF is going on?  
    Shitty parenting.
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    mrsdee15mrsdee15 member
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    lacqueredlover said:

    She also said she has a baby with her fiance and that her first son's bio dad isn't in the picture.  And seemed more intent on making sure a 2  year old didn't feel left out than her 6 year olds safety as in this post.


    WTF is going on?  
    I was JUST about to say this.  Is that 2 year old somehow not in danger?  Is he in a cone of safety?  

    OP, if this is real, MOVE AWAY from your ex.  Get married at the JOP/beach wedding with an officiant/whatever you choose, and then start the adoption process.  PPs have mentioned it can be started sooner than a year.  Use the money for the wedding on moving, attorney fees, whatever you need to ensure your family's safety.  You can have a wedding celebration later.  Or not, because a big party really isn't that important when you're comparing it to the safety of your children and yourself.  
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    redheadbride15redheadbride15 member
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    Okay, I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon and belittle this OP. Instead I offer this small piece of advice: You really need a family court lawyer and/or a social worker. If you don't know how to find one then try calling your son's pediatrician. They usually have resources available that will help you advocate for his safety and wellbeing.
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    sarawifenowsarawifenow member
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    MagicInk said:

    redheadbride15 said:

    Okay, I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon and belittle this OP. Instead I offer this small piece of advice: You really need a family court lawyer and/or a social worker. If you don't know how to find one then try calling your son's pediatrician. They usually have resources available that will help you advocate for his safety and wellbeing.

    Oh yeah, none of us told her to get a lawyer, we just starting "belittling" her. JC didn't jump in with her own legal background. A social worker in fucking PA didn't offer information. I didn't find 4 or 5 different websites with help in her area. Nope everyone was just a being being and belittling to her. That is exactly how it played out.

    Calling a shitty parent, a shitty parent, isn't belittling. If you put your dress and $1,000 before your kid's safety, that's shitty parenting. 

    This. So much this.
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