needing to get married soon. wwyd

MadHops21 · March 2015

OP, come back and answer questions

ETA stupid gif

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2015

@JCBride2015 your siggie is perfect right now.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

needsadvice22 said:

ashley8918 said:

sarawifenow said:
Maybe I am dense, but what is a PFA?

And I'm sorry, but I am calling bullshit that the police won't do anything is someone tries to kill someone else.
It's a protection from abuse. We got it because he broke my jaw and tried to take my car with our son in it while he was drunk. He made threats to kidnap him, to kill me, and if he ever got our son back that'd I'd never see him again. And I can't move across the country because then he can get me for kidnapping for not notifying domestic relations and having a court hearing.
So, when your FI adopts your son (1+ year from now), your ex magically won't be able to kidnap him or kill you?

THIS DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE.
Fuck the party. That should be so god damn far down on your list of priorities. I wish I could fucking shake you.

He won't have legal rights to him. He won't be able to fight for custody. He won't be able to fight me if anything should happen. If anything happens to me, he won't be able to take him from the family he knows. He won't be able to have the chance to hurt him because then I can make sure he'll never see my son again. That's how. And if he ever tried to step foot on my property, I could shoot him.

Honey, you can do that now regardless of his parental status.

We have Castle laws in PA- a person in any lawful place outside his home “has no duty to retreat
and has the right to stand his ground and use force, including deadly
force if . . . (he) believes it is immediately necessary to do so to
protect himself against death, serious bodily injury, kidnapping, or
sexual intercourse by force or threat.” (18 PA consolidated statutes
505(b)(2.3))

As PP's have said, the PFA is frankly irrelevant. It's a piece of paper and many, many women have been killed by the person whom they had a PFA against while the PFA was enforced. Plus, PFA's in PA are valid for 3 years and can be extended:

"The judge can extend a final PFA if s/he believes that the abuser
committed one or more acts of abuse while you had the final order or
behaved in other ways that indicates a continued risk of harm to the you
or your child. If necessary, the order can be extended more than
once. There is no limit on the number of extensions that may be
granted.*

.

* 23 Pa.C.S.A. § 6108(e)" Source

The real issue at hand is that you need to have your ex's paternal rights involuntarily removed. . . but even that won't actually stop him from causing you or your son harm if he really wants to. Putting your Ex behind bars would stop him, though.

beethery · March 2015

levioosa said:
@beethery, my first thought was, "Where is beeth's spinning NO?"

I didn't read the thread yet because I'm on a short-notice road trip to GA so I saw a tiny bit of the shitshow while I was at the gas station and became concerned. Now I can read through it bc FI is driving and... To be honest I'm feeling like the personal embodiment of my gifs, as follows:

And also:

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

lolo883 said:
You should feel bad. You should feel really fucking small and like a terrible mother if you're even remotely CONSIDERING the dress and the party when your son's safety is in jeopardy.

First, buy a gun. Second, get married now. Like this weekend, JOP at a park with close family and friends. Serve them cake and punch. In a year, have your H adopt your son. Then use your dad's money to move the fuck across the country the very next day.

She can't do that and not face legal recourse in PA if her ex has joint custody of their son. . . which he more than likely does because it's exceedingly difficult to get sole custody due to how the laws are written. You have to have overwhelming evidence of physical abuse or something of that nature. if she crosses state lines with her son against her ex's permission, she could be charged with kidnapping.

If OP's ex is as violent and dangerous as she claims, she should be able to start making a case for sole custody, though.

And if this story is true, then we are all missing the forest for the trees- it doesn't matter whether or not OP and her FI get married tomorrow, next week, a year from now, or ever. It doesn't matter if her FI is able to legally adopt her son. As another PP said earlier, those are all just legal designations and pieces of paper.

Last I checked laws and papers never actually deterred someone from committing a crime just by virtue of the existence of said law. In other words, criminals don't give a fuck about laws and adoption decrees, they don't abide by the laws. Hence why they are criminals. So all of these legal designations- marriage, adoption, etc- aren't really going to stop her ex from doing something harmful and dangerous if that is truly his intent.

The issues of the wedding and the adoption are irrelevant. She needs to deal with her ex.

lurkergirl · March 2015

beethery said:

levioosa said:
@beethery, my first thought was, "Where is beeth's spinning NO?"
I didn't read the thread yet because I'm on a short-notice road trip to GA so I saw a tiny bit of the shitshow while I was at the gas station and became concerned. Now I can read through it bc FI is driving and... To be honest I'm feeling like the personal embodiment of my gifs, as follows:

And also:

I hope everything is okay, but also come see me please. Thx. I'll take you to Marlows.

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

lolo883 said:
You should feel bad. You should feel really fucking small and like a terrible mother if you're even remotely CONSIDERING the dress and the party when your son's safety is in jeopardy.

First, buy a gun. Second, get married now. Like this weekend, JOP at a park with close family and friends. Serve them cake and punch. In a year, have your H adopt your son. Then use your dad's money to move the fuck across the country the very next day.
She can't do that and not face legal recourse in PA if her ex has joint custody of their son. . . which he more than likely does because it's exceedingly difficult to get sole custody due to how the laws are written. You have to have overwhelming evidence of physical abuse or something of that nature. if she crosses state lines with her son against her ex's permission, she could be charged with kidnapping.

If OP's ex is as violent and dangerous as she claims, she should be able to start making a case for sole custody, though.

And if this story is true, then we are all missing the forest for the trees- it doesn't matter whether or not OP and her FI get married tomorrow, next week, a year from now, or ever. It doesn't matter if her FI is able to legally adopt her son. As another PP said earlier, those are all just legal designations and pieces of paper.

Last I checked laws and papers never actually deterred someone from committing a crime just by virtue of the existence of said law. In other words, criminals don't give a fuck about laws and adoption decrees, they don't abide by the laws. Hence why they are criminals. So all of these legal designations- marriage, adoption, etc- aren't really going to stop her ex from doing something harmful and dangerous if that is truly his intent.

The issues of the wedding and the adoption are irrelevant. She needs to deal with her ex.

That's why I said do that AFTER her then-H adopts the kid. The bio-dad's rights would have been terminated by that point (if we're to believe her story that that's easy to do within the timeframe of the protection order), and as such, he would have no claim to custody. She could move wherever the hell she wanted.

Nobody missed the point that these documents wouldn't do anything to protect her - lots of people (myself included) said he could still come kill her if he really wanted to. Physically removing herself is the best way to protect herself and her son. Hence - get married, terminate the rights, adopt the kid, then move far, far away.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

After reading through the entire post now, this story just isn't adding up. Too many inconsistencies.

OP, what's the REAL reason why you want to marry your OP right now then have a PPD next year?

iloveotters2014 · March 2015

I guess I don't see why you cant lose your 1k deposit....cut 1k from your budget and plan a wedding for May of this year. That gives you 2 months to pull something together, which is totally doable. Will less people go? Probably. Is it that big of a deal??? No. You will still have a wedding. You can still do a party. Just get your shit together and plan it.

That way in 1 year your H can adopt your son and then move far far away.

ETA: You can still get your dress (that is so important to you for some reason?) I got my dress from a traditional bridal shop and it came in, in 3 weeks. and only needed minor alterations.

jdluvr06 · March 2015

Fuck. What is it about TK that attracts all the damn crazy people?

beethery · March 2015

@lurkergirl thank you, things are improving so it's all good. We're getting in probably around 3am and we're leaving early early Tuesday AM. Peachtree City area. I'll see what I can work out for a hangout if my family doesn't keep me straight out the whole time I'm there.

charcoalandblush · March 2015

You should feel bad. You should feel really fucking small and like a terrible mother if you're even remotely CONSIDERING the dress and the party when your son's safety is in jeopardy.

First, buy a gun. Second, get married now. Like this weekend, JOP at a park with close family and friends. Serve them cake and punch. In a year, have your H adopt your son. Then use your dad's money to move the fuck across the country the very next day.

She can't do that and not face legal recourse in PA if her ex has joint custody of their son. . . which he more than likely does because it's exceedingly difficult to get sole custody due to how the laws are written. You have to have overwhelming evidence of physical abuse or something of that nature. if she crosses state lines with her son against her ex's permission, she could be charged with kidnapping.

If OP's ex is as violent and dangerous as she claims, she should be able to start making a case for sole custody, though.

And if this story is true, then we are all missing the forest for the trees- it doesn't matter whether or not OP and her FI get married tomorrow, next week, a year from now, or ever. It doesn't matter if her FI is able to legally adopt her son. As another PP said earlier, those are all just legal designations and pieces of paper.

Last I checked laws and papers never actually deterred someone from committing a crime just by virtue of the existence of said law. In other words, criminals don't give a fuck about laws and adoption decrees, they don't abide by the laws. Hence why they are criminals. So all of these legal designations- marriage, adoption, etc- aren't really going to stop her ex from doing something harmful and dangerous if that is truly his intent.

The issues of the wedding and the adoption are irrelevant. She needs to deal with her ex.

Yeah, I am inclined to believe this is MUD, but the bolded is an important point that I think a lot of posters don't realize. It is extremely difficult to get sole legal and physical custody (the two are technically different), even with concrete evidence of abuse/threats. It's even more difficult to terminate someone's parental rights. Courts do everything they can to avoid completely terminating parental rights because it's such a harsh result. In many cases, it is nearly impossible. It may be possible that (assuming at least this much is true) OP has sole parenting time, but as @prettygirllost said, this could still result in a kidnapping charge if she moved across state lines without the father's permission. Legally, it's not the same as sole custody or sole parental rights.

lovesclimbing · March 2015

I knew the minute I saw the thread title that this would be a crazy show. I was not disappointed.

sophhabobopha · March 2015

novella1186 · March 2015

On a related note, I just got my FIRST EVER! PPD invite in the mail! And and and it says "adults only" on it! This is a big day for me!

redwoodoriginal · March 2015

novella1186 said:
On a related note, I just got my FIRST EVER! PPD invite in the mail! And and and it says "adults only" on it! This is a big day for me!

but are they being honest about it? or like did they just HAAAAVE to get married because then the aliens were going to abduct her and make her have an alien baby but if she got married she could just show them the piece of paper and they'd be like oh just kidding! that paper solves everything!

lyndausvi · March 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

ashley8918 said:

sarawifenow said:
Maybe I am dense, but what is a PFA?

And I'm sorry, but I am calling bullshit that the police won't do anything is someone tries to kill someone else.
It's a protection from abuse. We got it because he broke my jaw and tried to take my car with our son in it while he was drunk. He made threats to kidnap him, to kill me, and if he ever got our son back that'd I'd never see him again. And I can't move across the country because then he can get me for kidnapping for not notifying domestic relations and having a court hearing.
So, when your FI adopts your son (1+ year from now), your ex magically won't be able to kidnap him or kill you?

THIS DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE.
Fuck the party. That should be so god damn far down on your list of priorities. I wish I could fucking shake you.

He won't have legal rights to him. He won't be able to fight for custody. He won't be able to fight me if anything should happen. If anything happens to me, he won't be able to take him from the family he knows. He won't be able to have the chance to hurt him because then I can make sure he'll never see my son again. That's how. And if he ever tried to step foot on my property, I could shoot him.

Honey, you can do that now regardless of his parental status.

We have Castle laws in PA- a person in any lawful place outside his home “has no duty to retreat
and has the right to stand his ground and use force, including deadly
force if . . . (he) believes it is immediately necessary to do so to
protect himself against death, serious bodily injury, kidnapping, or
sexual intercourse by force or threat.” (18 PA consolidated statutes
505(b)(2.3))

As PP's have said, the PFA is frankly irrelevant. It's a piece of paper and many, many women have been killed by the person whom they had a PFA against while the PFA was enforced. Plus, PFA's in PA are valid for 3 years and can be extended:

"The judge can extend a final PFA if s/he believes that the abuser
committed one or more acts of abuse while you had the final order or
behaved in other ways that indicates a continued risk of harm to the you
or your child. If necessary, the order can be extended more than
once. There is no limit on the number of extensions that may be
granted.*

.

* 23 Pa.C.S.A. § 6108(e)" Source

The real issue at hand is that you need to have your ex's paternal rights involuntarily removed. . . but even that won't actually stop him from causing you or your son harm if he really wants to. Putting your Ex behind bars would stop him, though.

So if PFA are for 3 years and it expires in 2016, that means it was issued in 2013.

Which means for the last 2 years she has been in this situation. Bare with me here as I use logic (I know, I know, has no place here), so why the hell would someone put down a non-refunable deposit for a party for when then are in this type of situation?

If she wasn't getting married the PFA would still be expiring. Wouldn't the $1000 be better used in getting the father's rights terminated anyway?

Of course the biggest point of logic is her FI adopting doesn't put some protective bubble over her and her son. It's just a piece of paper.

paperpusher · March 2015

Let's pretend what OP has said isn't absolute horseshit for a moment.

You know how we give same sex couples who live in states that don't have marriage equality a pass on having a big blowout now and then tie the knot later legally? I think that's what's going on here. I think she's looking for people to back her up and say she's OK to go ahead and all will be well.

Well sweetheart, sorry to break it to you, but that shit ain't OK and it ain't for TK. Take that obnoxious, illogical line of thinking to Wedding Wire.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

novella1186 said:
On a related note, I just got my FIRST EVER! PPD invite in the mail! And and and it says "adults only" on it! This is a big day for me!

Oooh how do you know it's a PPD?!

kiwikiss56 · March 2015

Pennsylvania is a huge state. If you are really concerned about safety and getting away OP you can move hours away.

novella1186 · March 2015

redwoodoriginal said:

novella1186 said:
On a related note, I just got my FIRST EVER! PPD invite in the mail! And and and it says "adults only" on it! This is a big day for me!
but are they being honest about it? or like did they just HAAAAVE to get married because then the aliens were going to abduct her and make her have an alien baby but if she got married she could just show them the piece of paper and they'd be like oh just kidding! that paper solves everything!

PrettyGirlLost said:

novella1186 said:
On a related note, I just got my FIRST EVER! PPD invite in the mail! And and and it says "adults only" on it! This is a big day for me!

Oooh how do you know it's a PPD?!

She's at least being honest about it. I was invited (via text message) to her DW a few months ago and couldn't afford to go (and didn't really want to anyway).

The envelope that the PPD invite came in has a sticker with a photo of them at their DW in their wedding attire, and it says something like, "We got married in Cancun, now we want to get married with all our friends!" Um... maybe then just get married here in the first place???

FI looked at it over my shoulder and said, "Nope. No. Not going to that. Tell her no. Tell her we'll be out of town or fuck off or something." lol

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2015

novella1186 said:
She's at least being honest about it. I was invited (via text message) to her DW a few months ago and couldn't afford to go (and didn't really want to anyway).

The envelope that the PPD invite came in has a sticker with a photo of them at their DW in their wedding attire, and it says something like, "We got married in Cancun, now we want to get married with all our friends!" Um... maybe then just get married here in the first place???

FI looked at it over my shoulder and said, "Nope. No. Not going to that. Tell her no. Tell her we'll be out of town or fuck off or something." lol

First bolded: DA FUQ?!

Second bolded: he. is. awesome.

arrippa · March 2015

novella1186 said:

redwoodoriginal said:

novella1186 said:
On a related note, I just got my FIRST EVER! PPD invite in the mail! And and and it says "adults only" on it! This is a big day for me!
but are they being honest about it? or like did they just HAAAAVE to get married because then the aliens were going to abduct her and make her have an alien baby but if she got married she could just show them the piece of paper and they'd be like oh just kidding! that paper solves everything!

PrettyGirlLost said:

novella1186 said:
On a related note, I just got my FIRST EVER! PPD invite in the mail! And and and it says "adults only" on it! This is a big day for me!

Oooh how do you know it's a PPD?!

She's at least being honest about it. I was invited (via text message) to her DW a few months ago and couldn't afford to go (and didn't really want to anyway).

The envelope that the PPD invite came in has a sticker with a photo of them at their DW in their wedding attire, and it says something like, "We got married in Cancun, now we want to get married with all our friends!" Um... maybe then just get married here in the first place???

FI looked at it over my shoulder and said, "Nope. No. Not going to that. Tell her no. Tell her we'll be out of town or fuck off or something." lol

Wait, did they actually get married in Cancun? They jumped through all the hoops there to get married and now they want to get married here? Weird.

novella1186 · March 2015

arrippa said:

novella1186 said:

redwoodoriginal said:

novella1186 said:
On a related note, I just got my FIRST EVER! PPD invite in the mail! And and and it says "adults only" on it! This is a big day for me!
but are they being honest about it? or like did they just HAAAAVE to get married because then the aliens were going to abduct her and make her have an alien baby but if she got married she could just show them the piece of paper and they'd be like oh just kidding! that paper solves everything!

PrettyGirlLost said:

novella1186 said:
On a related note, I just got my FIRST EVER! PPD invite in the mail! And and and it says "adults only" on it! This is a big day for me!

Oooh how do you know it's a PPD?!

She's at least being honest about it. I was invited (via text message) to her DW a few months ago and couldn't afford to go (and didn't really want to anyway).

The envelope that the PPD invite came in has a sticker with a photo of them at their DW in their wedding attire, and it says something like, "We got married in Cancun, now we want to get married with all our friends!" Um... maybe then just get married here in the first place???

FI looked at it over my shoulder and said, "Nope. No. Not going to that. Tell her no. Tell her we'll be out of town or fuck off or something." lol
Wait, did they actually get married in Cancun? They jumped through all the hoops there to get married and now they want to get married here? Weird.

As far as I know, the Cancun wedding was the legal, real wedding.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

arrippa said:

novella1186 said:

redwoodoriginal said:

novella1186 said:
On a related note, I just got my FIRST EVER! PPD invite in the mail! And and and it says "adults only" on it! This is a big day for me!
but are they being honest about it? or like did they just HAAAAVE to get married because then the aliens were going to abduct her and make her have an alien baby but if she got married she could just show them the piece of paper and they'd be like oh just kidding! that paper solves everything!

PrettyGirlLost said:

novella1186 said:
On a related note, I just got my FIRST EVER! PPD invite in the mail! And and and it says "adults only" on it! This is a big day for me!

Oooh how do you know it's a PPD?!

She's at least being honest about it. I was invited (via text message) to her DW a few months ago and couldn't afford to go (and didn't really want to anyway).

The envelope that the PPD invite came in has a sticker with a photo of them at their DW in their wedding attire, and it says something like, "We got married in Cancun, now we want to get married with all our friends!" Um... maybe then just get married here in the first place???

FI looked at it over my shoulder and said, "Nope. No. Not going to that. Tell her no. Tell her we'll be out of town or fuck off or something." lol
Wait, did they actually get married in Cancun? They jumped through all the hoops there to get married and now they want to get married here? Weird.

Nice. Well played.

madamerwin · March 2015

novella1186 said:

novella1186 said:

She's at least being honest about it. I was invited (via text message) to her DW a few months ago and couldn't afford to go (and didn't really want to anyway).

The envelope that the PPD invite came in has a sticker with a photo of them at their DW in their wedding attire, and it says something like, "We got married in Cancun, now we want to get married with all our friends!" Um... maybe then just get married here in the first place???

FI looked at it over my shoulder and said, "Nope. No. Not going to that. Tell her no. Tell her we'll be out of town or fuck off or something." lol

I like your FI.

sophhabobopha · March 2015

tfmrserwin said:

novella1186 said:

novella1186 said:

She's at least being honest about it. I was invited (via text message) to her DW a few months ago and couldn't afford to go (and didn't really want to anyway).

The envelope that the PPD invite came in has a sticker with a photo of them at their DW in their wedding attire, and it says something like, "We got married in Cancun, now we want to get married with all our friends!" Um... maybe then just get married here in the first place???

FI looked at it over my shoulder and said, "Nope. No. Not going to that. Tell her no. Tell her we'll be out of town or fuck off or something." lol

I like your FI.

You should rsvp "Fuck off", good thinking Fi.

needing to get married soon. wwyd

Re: needing to get married soon. wwyd

Choose Another Board

Search Boards