What do you do if you hate the engagement ring?

themuffinman16 · March 2015

amelisha said:
novella1427315864 said:
I'm a little confused by the comments that it's wrong to hurt your SO's feelings over a ring. I think most of us who said we would be honest if we didn't like something also specified that we would do it with tact and that our SOs would seriously PREFER the honesty. It would hurt them more to be lied to or misled or to feel like they wasted their money, etc. So their delicate little glass feelings won't be shattered by a bit of honesty.

I personally would never make a life-long commitment to someone who was so sensitive and concerned with only his own feelings and preferences that I wasn't even able to be honest about something I didn't like.

I'll say again - it's not about how delicate my FI's feelings are in my case, it is about a conscious choice I've made to deal with my loved ones in a particular way. It's because I'm sensitive, not because he is. I am honest with him all the time. But that's neither here nor there, really, and has kind of strayed from my original point. What I was trying to say is that I make a point to love things given to me by loved ones, and then I'm not lying when I say I love what they have given me. I apply this to when FI does a bad job of a household chore or cooks me something that doesn't taste good or buys me something I wouldn't have purchased myself.

And @cu97tiger, yes, I have. More than once, actually. Not an engagement ring, but yes. I also currently have furniture in my house that was very expensive and that I don't like, but that was gifted to me by people I love, and so it will remain in my house forever, even though I have to look at it every day. And that is because it's just stuff.

I know I have an unpopular opinion here. You all can do whatever you want in your own relationships but it doesn't make the way I live my own life wrong. And I'm not saying your approach is wrong either. It's just not for me, and I've been prefacing every statement I've made here on this thread with things like "For me," "Personally" etc. It's no attack, it's just an explanation about why some of the statements made here have rubbed me the wrong way. Me, personally. *shrug*

I'm the kind of person who talks to animals I meet on the street and cries at commercials and thinks about the most mildly critical things people say to me for weeks or months, and I've never raised my voice in anger to FI in the ten years we've known each other, though. I'm pretty much just a pile of three-day-old kittens in human form, so you can all feel free to be completely baffled about my pathological need not to hurt my loved ones' feelings.

BOXES, WHERE ARE YOU?

I think it is just a way of skirting around the issues. I can be sensitive, but if I just say, "I like everything," this does not help my H to get to know me better. If my H made me a salmon dinner, I would not tell him I liked it. (salmon to me smells like a boiled vagino fish). I would say, thank you for making dinner, I appreciate it, but I just prefer something other than salmon. What if he were to make me salmon once a week, because he thought I liked it, based on my response? If H cleaned something but did it wrong, I would tell him thank you so much for doing that. I would tell him I do it this way, though, for this reason. H always dried my clothes in the drier and it ruined them (for me.) A lot of people can dry their clothes... I cannot. I am at the cusp of wearing tall clothes, but not tall enough. If I dry my clothes, they won't be ruined, but I will never be able to wear them again.

I am appreciative that he tried, but if he keeps doing things that aren't exactly wrong, but I don't like, keeping my mouth shut will only frustrate me, and confuse him. Instead, this is the person that I will be with for the rest of your life, communicating is 100% key to making sure you have a great relationship. It isn't insensitive if I don't like something. I can be very sensitive and tell him, while he tried, and I am 100% appreciative of his effort, I would like him to know if I did not like something.

KatieinBkln · March 2015

ashley8918 said:

novella1186 said:

abcdevonn said:

ashley8918 said:

novella1186 said:

hellosweetie1015 said:

ChemFanatic25 said:

KatieinBkln said:
Guys, I never lived in an area with a Chick-Fil-A, and by the time I even knew what it was, it was because of all the press it was getting for its politics.

Now I feel like I can't even try this delicious shit in good faith. But you're telling me there is polynesian sauce involved? I could cry right now.

Do we think if I donate twice as much as my meal costs to a gay rights organization that my moral slate will be wiped clean?

I've actually never had chick-fil-a either and I haven't had a desire particularly because of the politics until now. By any chance is it similar to pop-eyes? I've been to a pop-eyes. Their fried chicken was pretty good . . .
OH GOD SO MUCH BETTER.
Not comparable to Pop-eyes at all.
Dafuq is Pop-eye's?! Popeye's?
It's like KFC, but Cajun, I think. I've never been to one, but they are in my area.
She's making fun of me for spelling it stupid

Love you too, ash-ley!
Lol, not just you. It happened more than once and I was so fucking confused hahaha.

Love youuuuuuu!

Onetime I was driving with my family in Chicago and saw a Popeye's out of the corner of my eye. I knew what Popeyes was. I had eaten there. It was not a mystery to me.

And yet? For some reason my brain saw it as "Pope yes."

Pope yes. I dare you to unsee it now.

ashley8918 · March 2015

Family jewels. Dangly bits.

ashley8918 · March 2015

KatieinBkln said:

ashley8918 said:

novella1186 said:

abcdevonn said:

ashley8918 said:

novella1186 said:

hellosweetie1015 said:

ChemFanatic25 said:

KatieinBkln said:
Guys, I never lived in an area with a Chick-Fil-A, and by the time I even knew what it was, it was because of all the press it was getting for its politics.

Now I feel like I can't even try this delicious shit in good faith. But you're telling me there is polynesian sauce involved? I could cry right now.

Do we think if I donate twice as much as my meal costs to a gay rights organization that my moral slate will be wiped clean?

I've actually never had chick-fil-a either and I haven't had a desire particularly because of the politics until now. By any chance is it similar to pop-eyes? I've been to a pop-eyes. Their fried chicken was pretty good . . .
OH GOD SO MUCH BETTER.
Not comparable to Pop-eyes at all.
Dafuq is Pop-eye's?! Popeye's?
It's like KFC, but Cajun, I think. I've never been to one, but they are in my area.
She's making fun of me for spelling it stupid

Love you too, ash-ley!
Lol, not just you. It happened more than once and I was so fucking confused hahaha.

Love youuuuuuu!
Onetime I was driving with my family in Chicago and saw a Popeye's out of the corner of my eye. I knew what Popeyes was. I had eaten there. It was not a mystery to me.

And yet? For some reason my brain saw it as "Pope yes."

Pope yes. I dare you to unsee it now.

MOTHER DICK! Cannot unsee!

There is no way I'm ever not calling it Pope yes now, hahaha.

madamerwin · March 2015

novella1186 said:
I just wrote a huge long post about how I never felt entitled to a ring and then I thought "Nope, fuck it. It's getting way too heavy in here."

So I'm just gonna say that I think balls are ugly. I'd rather look at a set of boobs than a pair of balls any day.

Eh, I think balls are rather amusing to look at. All weird and wrinkly. But boobs are cool too.

littlepep · March 2015

ashley8918 said:
Family jewels. Dangly bits.

Every time you write nickname for man parts above your sig I giggle.

amelisha · March 2015

@themuffinman16...I wasn't actually asking for criticism or advice on the way I choose to live my life there. I thought all those "for me personally" and "it's just not for me" and "I'm not going to tell you how you do your life is wrong" statements would eliminate that, but guess not. You can do whatever you want with your life and I'll do mine.

I was ready to let you all move on to your names for genitalia and whatnot. Sorry I had to come back again for that. CARRY ON, EVERYONE.

themuffinman16 · March 2015

amelisha said:
@themuffinman16...I wasn't actually asking for criticism or advice on the way I choose to live my life there. I thought all those "for me personally" and "it's just not for me" and "I'm not going to tell you how you do your life is wrong" statements would eliminate that, but guess not. You can do whatever you want with your life and I'll do mine.

I was ready to let you all move on to your names for genitalia and whatnot. Sorry I had to come back again for that. CARRY ON, EVERYONE.

I did what everyone else has done, too. I was using your statement as a guideline and said you, but meant (general you). I corrected it to I, as I feel that way. Sorry if I upset you. I apologize. You are free to feel however you feel in your relationship and express yourself as you desire.

And I had not realize this thread took a delightful turn to hate chicken and gentialia when I posted, so sorry for rehashing something everyone has moved past

** I nominate Bologna pony, snatchtrap, and vag mcmuffin

ashley8918 · March 2015

GENITALS.

ashley8918 · March 2015

Knockers.

amelisha · March 2015

themuffinman16 said:

amelisha said:
@themuffinman16...I wasn't actually asking for criticism or advice on the way I choose to live my life there. I thought all those "for me personally" and "it's just not for me" and "I'm not going to tell you how you do your life is wrong" statements would eliminate that, but guess not. You can do whatever you want with your life and I'll do mine.

I was ready to let you all move on to your names for genitalia and whatnot. Sorry I had to come back again for that. CARRY ON, EVERYONE.
I did what everyone else has done, too. I was using your statement as a guideline and said you, but meant (general you). I corrected it to I, as I feel that way. Sorry if I upset you. I apologize. You are free to feel however you feel in your relationship and express yourself as you desire.

You quoted me, so I assumed you were replying, well, to me. Sorry if I was wrong there?

ashley8918 · March 2015

Slim Jim (you know, for the long skinny ones).

novella1186 · March 2015

ashley8918 said:
Slim Jim (you know, for the long skinny ones).

the long skinny ones are weeeeiiiiiird to me

ETA:

---------------------)

littlepep · March 2015

ashley8918 said:
Slim Jim (you know, for the long skinny ones).

One time my friends and I were discussing tightness vs size of penis, especially if the penis is small and the vagina is less tight (idk the appropriate terminology?). She goes, it's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. I nearly peed my pants from laughing so hard.

ashley8918 · March 2015

novella1186 said:

ashley8918 said:
Slim Jim (you know, for the long skinny ones).
the long skinny ones are weeeeiiiiiird to me

ETA:
---------------------)

Ahem, Chris Brown.

Not that I've seen it or anything.

themuffinman16 · March 2015

amelisha said:

themuffinman16 said:

amelisha said:
@themuffinman16...I wasn't actually asking for criticism or advice on the way I choose to live my life there. I thought all those "for me personally" and "it's just not for me" and "I'm not going to tell you how you do your life is wrong" statements would eliminate that, but guess not. You can do whatever you want with your life and I'll do mine.

I was ready to let you all move on to your names for genitalia and whatnot. Sorry I had to come back again for that. CARRY ON, EVERYONE.
I did what everyone else has done, too. I was using your statement as a guideline and said you, but meant (general you). I corrected it to I, as I feel that way. Sorry if I upset you. I apologize. You are free to feel however you feel in your relationship and express yourself as you desire.
You quoted me, so I assumed you were replying, well, to me. Sorry if I was wrong there?

Well, I quoted you to say this is what you said, but I would do something different. I should not have quoted you. How I would handle this situation is different from everyone else. I should not have used your quote as a leaping off point. This is how I would have handled it. You know your FI best, and you know how to best handle the situation in your life. In my life it translates a little differently, but it does not mean you are wrong. Sorry, again.

amelisha · March 2015

ashley8918 said:

novella1186 said:

ashley8918 said:
Slim Jim (you know, for the long skinny ones).
the long skinny ones are weeeeiiiiiird to me

ETA:
---------------------)
Ahem, Chris Brown.

Not that I've seen it or anything.

Is there a story there, or just something that was available on the Internet? I'm scared.

madamerwin · March 2015

amelisha said:
The reason I originally used the word "materialistic" has nothing to do with the cash value of the jewelry.

It's just...I would never hurt my FI's feelings over a thing of any kind. It's not worth it to me. Regardless of whether I wanted a less expensive or a more expensive or a different metal or a different style or whatever...it's just a hunk of metal at the end of the day and it's not worth making him feel bad over, to me personally.

I would rather wear something I didn't like every single day for the rest of my life than make him feel bad, like he did a bad job of something considered as major as an engagement ring. It's just not worth it for me.

This is just for me personally, but this why I feel like it's somewhat materialistic to want something different (even if it's cheaper.) But, again...that's just me, and I have this whole thing about accepting things into my life with a certain attitude whether that be actual things or intangible ones.

Sorry. I don't mean to offend anyone, honestly, but I don't regret using that word when I used it and I still do think a lot of these responses seem more concerned with the horror of having to wear "ugly" jewelry than I would have anticipated from a normally very reasonable group of women.

While I don't actually have a strong opinion on whether OP's friend should or should not tell her FI her feelings about the ring, I personally agree with the bolded. When FI proposed, he picked an absolutely gorgeous ring, but it was not necessarily my style (it's a little bling-y for me). I did not say anything though, because in the end, it's the thought behind it that mattered most; it's a symbol of our relationship and desire to spend our lives together. And he loved and was very proud of his choice. The fact that I didn't love it also made me feel guilty and materialistic, even though I would have wanted to go smaller/cheaper if it were up to me.

Lo and behold, the ring grew on me over time. I absolutely love it now, and while mine is definitely a different situation than the OP's, I am so glad that I never said anything about it.

So personally, I would not say anything if I were OP's friend, but I don't have a stance philosophically on what is "right."

themuffinman16 · March 2015

littlepep said:

ashley8918 said:
Slim Jim (you know, for the long skinny ones).
One time my friends and I were discussing tightness vs size of penis, especially if the penis is small and the vagina is less tight (idk the appropriate terminology?). She goes, it's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. I nearly peed my pants from laughing so hard.

*punching your fist through an open window.

drunkenwitch · March 2015

ashley8918 · March 2015

amelisha said:

ashley8918 said:

novella1186 said:

ashley8918 said:
Slim Jim (you know, for the long skinny ones).
the long skinny ones are weeeeiiiiiird to me

ETA:
---------------------)
Ahem, Chris Brown.

Not that I've seen it or anything.
Is there a story there, or just something that was available on the Internet? I'm scared.

It is available on the Internet, and you really need to see it.

ashley8918 · March 2015

Hot pastrami.

ashley8918 · March 2015

Trouser snake.

charcoalandblush · March 2015

KatieinBkln said:
Guys, I never lived in an area with a Chick-Fil-A, and by the time I even knew what it was, it was because of all the press it was getting for its politics.

Now I feel like I can't even try this delicious shit in good faith. But you're telling me there is polynesian sauce involved? I could cry right now.

Do we think if I donate twice as much as my meal costs to a gay rights organization that my moral slate will be wiped clean?

This is what I do to make myself feel better. The cost of my meal goes to Lambda Legal.

drunkenwitch · March 2015

And I call lady bits "the good china" because only special people can eat off it.

littlepep · March 2015

drunkenwitch said:
And I call lady bits "the good china" because only special people can eat iff it.

The best I've heard yet.

LadyMillil · March 2015

From the most amusing scientific paper I've ever read: portal of entry

ashley8918 · March 2015

drunkenwitch said:
And I call lady bits "the good china" because only special people can eat iff it.

I really fucking love you.

drunkenwitch · March 2015

And for the record, men are not amused when you grab their cock and make it talk with a British accent. Wussies.

plainjane0415 · March 2015

KatieinBkln said:
Guys, I never lived in an area with a Chick-Fil-A, and by the time I even knew what it was, it was because of all the press it was getting for its politics.

Now I feel like I can't even try this delicious shit in good faith. But you're telling me there is polynesian sauce involved? I could cry right now.

Do we think if I donate twice as much as my meal costs to a gay rights organization that my moral slate will be wiped clean?

As I said before, I have no self control, and if I'm in an area where chik fil a is the best choice fast food wise, I'll eat it. But I'm not proud of it. damn waffle fries and delicious sauces.

What do you do if you hate the engagement ring?

Re: What do you do if you hate the engagement ring?

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