Help! Do I let future MIL wear what she wants?

soontobemrson912 · May 2015

LET was the wrong term and I've expressed this.

LondonLisa · May 2015

soontobemrson091215 said:
MIL told me to let her know if dress is too much. I think it is. It's the same exact style dress as mine except silver. Looks like a wedding dress for bride whose already been married. I wanted to get opinions on whether I should be honest and say I think it is too much or just let it go and tell her she should wear it. THAT was the point.

It sounds like this is much more about you and your irrational fear that she will be taking attention away from you rather than the dress not being "appropriate".

Again, you will be the centre of attention because you are the bride. "Let" her wear whatever she wants to wear.

redoryx · May 2015

soontobemrson091215 said:
I. Am. Not. Dressing. Others.

I'm not dictating anything.

If the rule is that you are the only one in the bridal party allowed to have strapless dress because pictures, that's dictating.

But thanks for playing.

LondonLisa · May 2015

Think about what your MIL would post about this situation:

I have been trying on dresses for a while and haven't found anything I like. As 99.9999% of women, I am not a model, so buying off the rack can be hard, especially staying in budget and finding something that flatters me. I found the first dress in a long time that I actually loved! It fit me in all the right places and I actually felt confident. Just to be nice, I ran it by my FDIL. She then says that she doesn't like it and it is too formal. Yes, it might be on the more formal side, but I couldn't find anything else that worked, and I'd rather be slightly over dressed than under dressed. When I tried to tell her that this was the only dress I felt confident in, I could tell she hated it. Now what do I do?

a.) Let the dress go to make her happy and feel uncomfortable the whole day?

b.) Wear it anyway because it makes me feel great and know how much she hates it?

redoryx · May 2015

soontobemrson091215 said:
LET was the wrong term and I've expressed this.

I don't think it is. I think Let is exactly what you meant but now you're only back peddling because we called you out on it so just own up to it.

soontobemrson912 · May 2015

That's absolutely not the situation she's in. And that's absolutely not what I meant. But everyone seems to think they know everything, right? This is quite ridiculous and I'm not longer participating in this. Have a lovely day.

climbingsingle · May 2015

Nice try

lovegood90 · May 2015

soontobemrson091215 said:
MIL told me to let her know if dress is too much. I think it is. It's the same exact style dress as mine except silver. Looks like a wedding dress for bride whose already been married. I wanted to get opinions on whether I should be honest and say I think it is too much or just let it go and tell her she should wear it. THAT was the point.

Holy fucking shit- you have A WHOLE PAGE of opinions telling you NO, do NOT tell her and LET. IT. GO.

LondonLisa · May 2015

randomslove · May 2015

Your FMIL was covertly asking your permission to wear that dress and know you're alright with it. I highly doubt she wants issues anymore than you do. BUT she probably really wants to wear the dress. I think you should roll it off your shoulders. Besides, if you get photos with just the two of you, I bet they'll look sweet.

bluebell42 · May 2015

When my brother got married, my mom looked for MONTHS for a dress she felt comfortable and beautiful in. She finally found one she loved and sent my brother and his then-fiancee (now wife) a picture from the dressing room. In the picture, she was absolutely beaming.

My brother wrote back that he'd checked with his fiancee and that it was the same color as the dress the Mother of the Bride had been planning to order and said she should choose another dress. My mom was CRUSHED. My brother realized this pretty quickly (though she didn't say anything directly about it out of politeness) and they backtracked, saying she could get it, but I know my mom was still really hurt that their immediate reaction was to tell her she couldn't wear it.

It turned out to a non-issue because the MOB ended up not liking the dress she'd ordered and got a different dress in a different color for the wedding, but I know the situation created strain between my mom and my brother's fiancee.

If you normally have a good relationship with your FMIL, why would you risk making her feel uncomfortable or angry with you? And if you don't have a good relationship with her, why not use this situation to say, "I'm so sorry -- you look beautiful in the dress and all I care about is that you're happy and comfortable for the big day"?

Your relationship with your FMIL will last for many years, and you should prioritize it over a dress that she will wear for about 8 hours max. Let it gooooooo.

soontobemrson912 · May 2015

I understand completely and I'm going to just let her know I'm fine with whatever she chooses. It's just she just started looking this week so she's only tried on two dresses. So I personally feel like she could look more but you're absolutely right. She's a permenant part of my life and I'd rather her wear what she wants for the day then have her mad at me, for who knows how long.

southernbelle0915 · May 2015

soontobemrson091215 said:
I understand completely and I'm going to just let her know I'm fine with whatever she chooses. It's just she just started looking this week so she's only tried on two dresses. So I personally feel like she could look more but you're absolutely right. She's a permenant part of my life and I'd rather her wear what she wants for the day then have her mad at me, for who knows how long.

I think this is a good call.

My MIL practically begged me to tell her what to wear. And still I was like, "I'm sure you'll look great." I did tell her what the BMs were wearing and what the GMs were wearing so she could get a feel for formality (we hadn't yet sent our invites). And she asked for our wedding colors. She ended up going with something WAY different than I thought.... and she looked fab.

artbyallie · May 2015

There's a reg whose MIL (I think? It might have been step-MIL or something) wore her wedding dress to the wedding. As in, the same dress she had recently gotten married in herself. That bride didn't bat an eye. You should follow her example.

soontobemrson912 · May 2015

Ha. Good for her. If the dress looked like a wedding dress, white and everything, I would've absolutely have said no. That's an example I would not have followed.

[Deleted User] · May 2015

artbyallie said:
There's a reg whose MIL (I think? It might have been step-MIL or something) wore her wedding dress to the wedding. As in, the same dress she had recently gotten married in herself. That bride didn't bat an eye. You should follow her example.

soontobemrson091215 said:
Ha. Good for her. If the dress looked like a wedding dress, white and everything, I would've absolutely have said no. That's an example I would not have followed.

However, the point of this story was that if someone wants to wear their wedding dress to your wedding, you won't have the opportunity to say no because they won't be asking you.

soontobemrson912 · May 2015

If someone were to show up wearing what's clearly a wedding dress, white and everything, they would be asked to leave. I don't care who it is. That's a bit ridiculous.

randomslove · May 2015

Why ask them to leave? I'd just point and laugh.

soontobemrson912 · May 2015

True. It just makes that person look like a nutjob.

NowIamMrsKlein · May 2015

soontobemrson091215 said:
If someone were to show up wearing what's clearly a wedding dress, white and everything, they would be asked to leave. I don't care who it is. That's a bit ridiculous.

Wait, what? Seriously?

So if your own mother showed up in a white floor length dress, you would ask her to leave?

You are the bride. Everyone knows that you are the bride. Someone else wearing a white dress will not confuse people. They will still know that you are the bride.

On your wedding day you should be so blissfully happy and in love that you don't notice these kind of minor details. And if you do, you shrug them off because they by no means affect the outcome of the day. A wedding is about marrying the love of your life. If that happens, then guess what? Your wedding day was a success.

soontobemrson912 · May 2015

No one shows up to a wedding wearing a white dress that looks like a wedding dress with good intentions, in my opinion. I feel like it's just simply disrespectful. My mother and mil would never do that so that's not something I have to worry about.

randomslove · May 2015

I was a guest at a wedding recently where a girl came in wearing a cocktail length champagne lace and beaded dress. It was at a beach wedding. It looked like a beach wedding gown. This girl barely knew the bride. She was the wife of a coworker with whom the bride was not very close. I thought she looked like an idiot and was very rude. NO ONE, to include the bride, cared enough to actually say anything. The bride was radiant and very obviously not upstaged. And for all I know where this specific woman may have thought to herself that her champagne dress looked nothing like a wedding gown. You shouldn't automatically assume everyone has bad intentions.

soontobemrson912 · May 2015

That's different though because it wasn't white. I don't know that I would care in that situation. I just think it's a known thing to not wear white to a wedding where you know the bride will be in some variation of white.

ashley8918 · May 2015

soontobemrson091215 said:
That's different though because it wasn't white. I don't know that I would care in that situation. I just think it's a known thing to not wear white to a wedding where you know the bride will be in some variation of white.

Not all brides wear white.

Oh, and not all brides give a fuck what their guests wear, because they are not ridiculously worried about being "upstaged".

soontobemrson912 · May 2015

Exactly why I said when you know the bride is wearing white. Can't read?

soontobemrson912 · May 2015

Oh, and I don't give a fuck what you have to say

Jen4948 · May 2015

soontobemrson091215 said:
Oh, and I don't give a fuck what you have to say

So why post? If you go around making announcements to a group that you don't "give a fuck what they have to say," why should they give a fuck what you have to say?

ashley8918 · May 2015

soontobemrson091215 said:
Oh, and I don't give a fuck what you have to say

Oh yeah? Is that why you posted asking the intenet for opinions? Because you "dont give a fuck"?

soontobemrson912 · May 2015

I was looking for constructive opinions. & frankly I don't care about the comments that aren't helpful and are just outright mean. So, for those, no I don't give a fuck.

ashley8918 · May 2015

Every response in this thread was constructive:

-Don't have a gap. Gaps are rude

-Don't even consider telling your FMIL what to wear. This is hella rude.

-It is impossible for the bride to be "upstaged". Chill.

Help! Do I let future MIL wear what she wants?

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