Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Re: !

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Hi! So I have a 20's/Gatsby/Prohibition Era inspired wedding coming up in September. My fiance and I are very excited and have selected attire for ourselves which is deco inspired but not a complete copy seeing as we didn't want to feel like we were in costume. My mother and father are also dressing for the occasion. 

    Our invitations are printed on art deco style stationary and our wedding website says "vintage inspired attire is welcome and encouraged!". But we know not everyone will check our website and it doesn't specifically say anything on our invitation that it is 20's themed. We were planning on adding an insert with some simple directions to our venue since most of our guests are from out of state. I thought maybe on the bottom or back we could put a clever ditty about the fact we have a live jazz band playing and wearing something appropriate for dancing and deco. I think it'd be a fun opportunity for our guests to don some bowties and pearls if they wish. But I'm not sure how to word it without sounding like you should come in full costume or without sounding pushy. I want people to wear whatever makes them feel most comfortable and most importantly I want everyone to have fun! But I also think it would be awkward if my fiance and my parents were the ONLY ones that got the deco dress inspired memo. Any Ideas?
    If this is what you want, then you really should just let the guests decide for themselves what they're going to wear.  In fact, this is what you should do in any case.  It really is not polite to dictate what anyone outside of your wedding party wears.
    SP29
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Hi! So I have a 20's/Gatsby/Prohibition Era inspired wedding coming up in September. My fiance and I are very excited and have selected attire for ourselves which is deco inspired but not a complete copy seeing as we didn't want to feel like we were in costume. My mother and father are also dressing for the occasion. 

    Our invitations are printed on art deco style stationary and our wedding website says "vintage inspired attire is welcome and encouraged!". But we know not everyone will check our website and it doesn't specifically say anything on our invitation that it is 20's themed. We were planning on adding an insert with some simple directions to our venue since most of our guests are from out of state. I thought maybe on the bottom or back we could put a clever ditty about the fact we have a live jazz band playing and wearing something appropriate for dancing and deco. I think it'd be a fun opportunity for our guests to don some bowties and pearls if they wish. But I'm not sure how to word it without sounding like you should come in full costume or without sounding pushy. I want people to wear whatever makes them feel most comfortable and most importantly I want everyone to have fun! But I also think it would be awkward if my fiance and my parents were the ONLY ones that got the deco dress inspired memo. Any Ideas?
    Remove the bolded from your website.  You should never tell people how to dress for your wedding.  These are your guests, not part of your decorations.

    Second bolded part, keep repeating that to yourself.  Just because you chose to dress in a certain manner and now you don't want to be the only one's dressed that way doesn't mean that you can tell people how to dress or even suggest how to dress.  These are adults and they know how to dress appropriately for a wedding.

    JBee85MairePoppySP29
  • There is no polite way to word it, because there's no polite way to tell grown adults what they should and shouldn't be wearing.  I think the wording on your website is about as far as you can go with it.  Plus, people will talk to each other and they'll get the idea.


    Married 9.12.15
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Hi! So I have a 20's/Gatsby/Prohibition Era inspired wedding coming up in September. My fiance and I are very excited and have selected attire for ourselves which is deco inspired but not a complete copy seeing as we didn't want to feel like we were in costume. My mother and father are also dressing for the occasion. 

    Our invitations are printed on art deco style stationary and our wedding website says "vintage inspired attire is welcome and encouraged!". But we know not everyone will check our website and it doesn't specifically say anything on our invitation that it is 20's themed. We were planning on adding an insert with some simple directions to our venue since most of our guests are from out of state. I thought maybe on the bottom or back we could put a clever ditty about the fact we have a live jazz band playing and wearing something appropriate for dancing and deco. I think it'd be a fun opportunity for our guests to don some bowties and pearls if they wish. But I'm not sure how to word it without sounding like you should come in full costume or without sounding pushy. I want people to wear whatever makes them feel most comfortable and most importantly I want everyone to have fun! But I also think it would be awkward if my fiance and my parents were the ONLY ones that got the deco dress inspired memo. Any Ideas?
    Then let them dress themselves, regardless of whether or not it fits your theme. Unless your wedding is Black Tie or White Tie or your venue has a specific dress code, it's rude to "nudge" your guests into wearing anything. 
    image
    CMGragain[Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Word of mouth.

    Tell the big mouths of each group that you would think it was cool if people wore vintage type clothes.      They will inevitably tell some of the masses.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    perdonamiBubblegum5586dreamsinpink
  • Um, is this a wedding or a costume party?  It is rude to tell your guests what to wear.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    JBee85downtondivanovella1186
  • Hi! So I have a 20's/Gatsby/Prohibition Era inspired wedding coming up in September. My fiance and I are very excited and have selected attire for ourselves which is deco inspired but not a complete copy seeing as we didn't want to feel like we were in costume. My mother and father are also dressing for the occasion. 

    Our invitations are printed on art deco style stationary and our wedding website says "vintage inspired attire is welcome and encouraged!". But we know not everyone will check our website and it doesn't specifically say anything on our invitation that it is 20's themed. We were planning on adding an insert with some simple directions to our venue since most of our guests are from out of state. I thought maybe on the bottom or back we could put a clever ditty about the fact we have a live jazz band playing and wearing something appropriate for dancing and deco. I think it'd be a fun opportunity for our guests to don some bowties and pearls if they wish. But I'm not sure how to word it without sounding like you should come in full costume or without sounding pushy. I want people to wear whatever makes them feel most comfortable and most importantly I want everyone to have fun! But I also think it would be awkward if my fiance and my parents were the ONLY ones that got the deco dress inspired memo. Any Ideas?
    NO. I'm hoping that most of your guests are adults who know how to dress themselves. Do not dictate what a grown-ass person wears. You are throwing a wedding, most people will know to dress up for a wedding.
  • redoryx said:
    Also, I'm not going to lie -- anytime I see someone having a Gatsby themed wedding, I'm almost always convinced they didn't read the book and/or weren't really paying attention during the movie. 
    Yeah, it's been a while, but didn't it end in murder?  That sounds like a great theme for a wedding.

    In other news, my cousin had a vintage-themed wedding.  Those of us in the extended family got dressed up, wore big floppy hats and fascinators.  The guys wore bowties and suspenders and pageboy caps.  But the people, like FH, who chose not to participate didn't feel left out.  Though a couple of the girls who hadn't heard about the theme were bummed because they have big floppy hats at home they would have loved to have worn.  Just talk to people if you really want to suggest a clothing theme, but publishing it anywhere makes it seem like you can't attend if you don't subscribe to the theme.
    hellohkb[Deleted User]SP29
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Also, I'm not going to lie -- anytime I see someone having a Gatsby themed wedding, I'm almost always convinced they didn't read the book and/or weren't really paying attention during the movie. 
    "Prohibition Era" to me = no alcohol, right??
    Yup. No alcohol.

    And Snooki's wedding was Gatsby inspired. Ughhhhhh. 

    image
  • redoryx said:
    Also, I'm not going to lie -- anytime I see someone having a Gatsby themed wedding, I'm almost always convinced they didn't read the book and/or weren't really paying attention during the movie. 
    I agree. I'm a little "Meh" about the book, but everyone cheats on their spouses, not exactly something that lends itself to "Wedding Theme".
    MairePoppypeachy13perdonamispeakeasy14
  • redoryx said:
    Also, I'm not going to lie -- anytime I see someone having a Gatsby themed wedding, I'm almost always convinced they didn't read the book and/or weren't really paying attention during the movie. 
    "Prohibition Era" to me = no alcohol, right??
    Unless it's bath tub gin or was smuggled in from Canada, which, admittedly, would add a certain element of authenticity to the event. 

    Cheers! 

    image
    I could probably get you both. The city that I live in was one of the main smuggling ports during prohibition, run by the mafia. 
    lyndausvispeakeasy14
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited June 2015

    Will someone please explain the Gatsby wedding theme to me? Because the Great Gatsby is the anti-love and marriage story.

    Eta: @redoryx beat me to it.

    BabyFruit Ticker
    madamerwin
  • redoryx said:
    Also, I'm not going to lie -- anytime I see someone having a Gatsby themed wedding, I'm almost always convinced they didn't read the book and/or weren't really paying attention during the movie. 
    "Prohibition Era" to me = no alcohol, right??
    Unless it's bath tub gin or was smuggled in from Canada, which, admittedly, would add a certain element of authenticity to the event. 

    Cheers! 

    image
    I could probably get you both. The city that I live in was one of the main smuggling ports during prohibition, run by the mafia. 
    Mine was, too! 
    image
  • JBee85JBee85 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    redoryx said:
    Also, I'm not going to lie -- anytime I see someone having a Gatsby themed wedding, I'm almost always convinced they didn't read the book and/or weren't really paying attention during the movie. 
    Especially when there is a married woman cheating for an old flame.
    perdonami
  • Also, I'm not going to lie -- anytime I see someone having a Gatsby themed wedding, I'm almost always convinced they didn't read the book and/or weren't really paying attention during the movie. 
    "Prohibition Era" to me = no alcohol, right??
    Or poisoned alcohol, since the government would straight up make the stuff bootleggers were stealing to sell deadly.

    image
    redoryxMairePoppy
  • edited June 2015
    Please don't make your guests where specific attire.  This year I've had to attend 3+ wedding, plus my own.  If I had to buy specific attire for each, I would be broke and annoyed.  It's hard enough finding a dress that's fits well and is priced right for a regular wedding.  If you add specifications, you make it that much hard for your guests. 
    hellohkbSP29thisismynickname2
  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited June 2015
    redoryx said:
    Also, I'm not going to lie -- anytime I see someone having a Gatsby themed wedding, I'm almost always convinced they didn't read the book and/or weren't really paying attention during the movie. 
    When people say Gatsby themed, what they really mean is 1920's aesthetic/Art Deco.  People need to take more Art History classes.


    adk19 said:
    redoryx said:
    Also, I'm not going to lie -- anytime I see someone having a Gatsby themed wedding, I'm almost always convinced they didn't read the book and/or weren't really paying attention during the movie. 
    Yeah, it's been a while, but didn't it end in murder?  That sounds like a great theme for a wedding.

    In other news, my cousin had a vintage-themed wedding.  Those of us in the extended family got dressed up, wore big floppy hats and fascinators.  The guys wore bowties and suspenders and pageboy caps.  But the people, like FH, who chose not to participate didn't feel left out.  Though a couple of the girls who hadn't heard about the theme were bummed because they have big floppy hats at home they would have loved to have worn.  Just talk to people if you really want to suggest a clothing theme, but publishing it anywhere makes it seem like you can't attend if you don't subscribe to the theme.
    That's the theme that really annoys the shit out of me.  ANYTHING NOT CURRENT IS VINTAGE!  So what the hell do you mean?  What time period exactly?

    Victorian era?  1920's?  1940's? 1950's?  Those seem to be the most common "vintage" wedding stylistic themes.
    Maybe 80s? I would pay to go to an 80s themed wedding, with the caveat that the bride has to wear a dress from that era, and a hat!
    From Wikipedia: 

    1. Generally speaking, clothing which was produced before the 1920s is referred to as antique clothing and clothing from the 1920s to 20 years before the present day is considered vintage. Retro, short for retrospective, or "vintage style" usually refers to clothing that imitates the style of a previous era.

    So... Vintage can mean art-deco and Gastby, or it can mean 1995 plaid and Clueless. Really specific.

    ETA: Why the hell does anyone care what their guests wear, as long as they wear something? How does your guests' attire impact your day in any way? Answer: It doesn't.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    [Deleted User]
  • edited June 2015
    Guys, guys, guys. 

    This is the whole point of me asking. Wording, I'm looking for wording here. Whoever said "Vintage" is too vague (mean though they may have been). Thank You! Now I know what not to say. Ya'll are jumping down my throat like I have a master plan to make everyone dress up and I'm going to make them do it. Which was the ENTIRE point of my asking. I'm not that way and I don't want to come off looking that way.
    I'm NOT trying to dictate what people are going to wear. I'm NOT trying to order people around. I'm not trying to come out and specifically ASK people to dress a certain way. And as I said earlier I DON'T want to turn it into a costume party. I'm NOT trying to exclude anyone or make anyone feel excluded. And I'm obviously NOT going to be like "HEY WEAR A COSTUME OR DON'T COME". I said I don't want it to be a costume party. I just thought if someone got a wild hair and wanted to wear some pearls or a bowtie, they should feel welcome to do so. Just like the people who won't feel inspired will wear whatever they want and feel just as welcome. And thats great either way. 

    I just was looking for a way to let my guests know it is a 20's LOOKING party. My decorations are art deco looking. The venue is in a big old mansion that has been restored to it's original art deco interior. I have a jazz band playing. I don't have great gatsby quotes anywhere, I know what the heck happens in the book. I don't have gangsters with pinstriped suits and tommy guns and flapper girls walking around. I just said those "buzzwords" because thats what people usually associate with the 20's right? 

    So Thank You to the people who were nice, polite, and told me it would be improper to publish it anywhere else. My invitation and website are obvious enough. Thank you to the people who pointed out my verbage is too vague, now I know what I need to change. That is what I needed to know.

    Why do I ever even post in forums. People come to communities for help and advice because they don't know what to do, what is proper, what works and doesn't work. And then when happens? You don't even get your question answered because everyone is too busy being mean, sarcastic and trolling. Same thing happens in all the health and fitness forums I've been on too. Well to quote the last poster's GIF. F*** this, F*** the forums, and F*** this post in particular.
    perdonami
  • justsiejustsie member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 2015
    Guys, guys, guys. 

    This is the whole point of me asking. Wording, I'm looking for wording here. Whoever said "Vintage" is too vague (mean though they may have been). Thank You! Now I know what not to say. Ya'll are jumping down my throat like I have a master plan to make everyone dress up and I'm going to make them do it. Which was the ENTIRE point of my asking. I'm not that way and I don't want to come off looking that way.
    I'm NOT trying to dictate what people are going to wear. I'm NOT trying to order people around. I'm not trying to come out and specifically ASK people to dress a certain way. And as I said earlier I DON'T want to turn it into a costume party. I'm NOT trying to exclude anyone or make anyone feel excluded. And I'm obviously NOT going to be like "HEY WEAR A COSTUME OR DON'T COME". I said I don't want it to be a costume party. I just thought if someone got a wild hair and wanted to wear some pearls or a bowtie, they should feel welcome to do so. Just like the people who won't feel inspired will wear whatever they want and feel just as welcome. And thats great either way. 

    I just was looking for a way to let my guests know it is a 20's LOOKING party. My decorations are art deco looking. The venue is in a big old mansion that has been restored to it's original art deco interior. I have a jazz band playing. I don't have great gatsby quotes anywhere, I know what the heck happens in the book. I don't have gangsters with pinstriped suits and tommy guns and flapper girls walking around. I just said those "buzzwords" because thats what people usually associate with the 20's right? 

    So Thank You to the people who were nice, polite, and told me it would be improper to publish it anywhere else. My invitation and website are obvious enough. Thank you to the people who pointed out my verbage is too vague, now I know what I need to change. That is what I needed to know.

    Why do I ever even post in forums. People come to communities for help and advice because they don't know what to do, what is proper, what works and doesn't work. And then when happens? You don't even get your question answered because everyone is too busy being mean, sarcastic and trolling. Same thing happens in all the health and fitness forums I've been on too. Well to quote the last poster's GIF. F*** this, F*** the forums, and F*** this post in particular.

    BOX BOX BOX
    People pointed out that what you were asking was rude, so it doesn't really matter how you ask it. P.s. it is very rude to delete what you posted OP, other users may have that same question and benefit from the responses. You've been quoted anyway to deleting is pretty useless. 
    image
    PrettyGirlLostchibiyui[Deleted User]speakeasy14
  • edited June 2015
    Guys, guys, guys. 

    Ya'll are jumping down my throat like I have a master plan to make everyone dress up and I'm going to make them do it. Which was the ENTIRE point of my asking. I'm not that way and I don't want to come off looking that way.


    -Boxes-

    When you suggest, you put ideas into people's heads.  That idea begins to grow and before you know it, you're stressing/inconveniencing guests with your "suggestion".   All you need to is a few guest to jump on the wagon and decide to dress up.   They talk to other guests (who didn't plan to dress up), and tell them about their attire.  Those guest start to think everyone is going to be "themed" except for them.  They don't want to be THAT guest and they start to run around like crazy trying to find an outfit that fits with the theme.   Your small suggestion just made someone second guess their attire or change their outfit.  Inconveniencing someone is rude. 

    It's not that people are trying to be mean, but when you put any type of attire suggestions on an invite/website, you're really passively aggressively telling them "This is what I want"   
    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]lightningsnowSP29
  • Guys, guys, guys. 


    This is the whole point of me asking. Wording, I'm looking for wording here. Whoever said "Vintage" is too vague (mean though they may have been). Thank You! Now I know what not to say. Ya'll are jumping down my throat like I have a master plan to make everyone dress up and I'm going to make them do it. Which was the ENTIRE point of my asking. I'm not that way and I don't want to come off looking that way.
    I'm NOT trying to dictate what people are going to wear. I'm NOT trying to order people around. I'm not trying to come out and specifically ASK people to dress a certain way. And as I said earlier I DON'T want to turn it into a costume party. I'm NOT trying to exclude anyone or make anyone feel excluded. And I'm obviously NOT going to be like "HEY WEAR A COSTUME OR DON'T COME". I said I don't want it to be a costume party. I just thought if someone got a wild hair and wanted to wear some pearls or a bowtie, they should feel welcome to do so. Just like the people who won't feel inspired will wear whatever they want and feel just as welcome. And thats great either way. 

    I just was looking for a way to let my guests know it is a 20's LOOKING party. My decorations are art deco looking. The venue is in a big old mansion that has been restored to it's original art deco interior. I have a jazz band playing. I don't have great gatsby quotes anywhere, I know what the heck happens in the book. I don't have gangsters with pinstriped suits and tommy guns and flapper girls walking around. I just said those "buzzwords" because thats what people usually associate with the 20's right? 

    So Thank You to the people who were nice, polite, and told me it would be improper to publish it anywhere else. My invitation and website are obvious enough. Thank you to the people who pointed out my verbage is too vague, now I know what I need to change. That is what I needed to know.

    Why do I ever even post in forums. People come to communities for help and advice because they don't know what to do, what is proper, what works and doesn't work. And then when happens? You don't even get your question answered because everyone is too busy being mean, sarcastic and trolling. Same thing happens in all the health and fitness forums I've been on too. Well to quote the last poster's GIF. F*** this, F*** the forums, and F*** this post in particular.
    FFS, we told you that it was rude. You went all Speshul Snowflake and decided not to take our advice. Don't let the door hit you!
    [Deleted User]
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