Ceremony/reception time line question

Re: Ceremony/reception time line question

• ryanandjoe4 member

  

  October 2015 edited October 2015

  Aschive said:

  Aschive said:

  
  

  Sounds like it is going to be an early night.. I know I would leave as soon as the booze was gone and I had to pay for what was free a few minutes ago..
  

  If my guests don't want to pay for their drinks, that's fine. They don't have to drink. If they leave because there isn't alcohol then, maybe I need to rethink my guest list.

  If your guests leave early, it's because you were rude and didn't properly host them, not because of anything wrong with them.

  
  

  All of your posts about your guests just reek of disdain for the people you're inviting to share in an important day.  Just elope.

  Not really. I am having a cash bar, if people don't like it don't use it or bring your own. We are having banquet style food, not catered prepared by my mom and fiances mom, I do not want gifts, I want a small ceremony, I love all the guests I am inviting that is why they are invited. I wasn't asking about alcohol hosting. I have asked several time where you guys want my original question posted, but no one has answered it. So it is here. I got some great ideas about the timeline framework. All this about the cash bar is unnecessary I didn't ask. I know it is against etiquette but I am still offering it.

  OMG because that is what people you should be honoring should be doing cooking for your guests that you are hosting badly
  

  Aschive said:

  We are having a dry "cocktail" hour for that half hour but having kegs for the dinner. I know I will get comments on that statement, we are cutting off the ceremony guest list at aunts and uncle's so roughly 20 people will be attending, while including those 20 the guest list is approximately 170. Yes the ceremony and reception will be at the same place.

  and for 170 people JFC this will be a train-wreak..
  
  
  EDT: words today..
  

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• Aschive member

  

  October 2015

  PrettyGirlLost said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  ryanandjoe4 said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  ryanandjoe4 said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  kimmiinthemitten said:

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  climbingwife said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  We are going to have a cash bar, we are having a smaller ceremony guest list, we are fine in our personal lives. I am not bitter about inviting his family I just think it is strange. I will smile and I am sure I will love all of them! I may have hinted it would make it less special but I did not mean it like that. I just mean it will make me more self conscious than I already will be.

  
  

  Please don't do this. 

  Nope. We are going to. That is not what this post is about. Since everyone is worried about this. No one in either of our family's will care. I know it is against etiquette and rude. Personally when I go to a wedding with an open bar I think that is strange (I can't even really think of 1 wedding like that.) That is how often I have had to deal with cash bars at weddings.

  
  

  No, your guests won't tell you it's rude.  They'll totally care, especially the ones who never carry cash.  And like an hour ago, you were serving keg beer so, not sure where that idea came from or went.

  We are offering a couple kegs then the cash bar.

  
  

  SO beer is free, and they have to pay for mixed drinks and wine?
  that is not a cash bar, it is a limited to beer only open bar..
  

  But only 2 kegs. So after that if they want beer they will pay for it. So I think it still falls under the same category.
  
  
  Sounds like it is going to be an early night.. I know I would leave as soon as the booze was gone and I had to pay for what was free a few minutes ago..
  
  
  If my guests don't want to pay for their drinks, that's fine. They don't have to drink. If they leave because there isn't alcohol then, maybe I need to rethink my guest list.
  
  
  You are missing the point.
  
  In this hypothetical situation, guest are leaving early because you, as the host, are being rude.
  
  Again, when you host a party, it is your obligation as a host to provide all the food, drinks, and entertainment for your guests for that party.  Take the wedding out of it- would you invite people over to your house for dinner and then charge them for their meals or their drinks?
  
  No, of course not.  So then there's no reason or excuse to act this way just because you are hosting a wedding reception.  "I can't afford it" is not a valid excuse.  Your options are them to have a dry reception, host beer or wine only, or to cut costs to save money for the reception.
  
  I don't understand how people plan an entire wedding, down to all the trivial details that guests don't even care about- like flowers and favors- and then run out of money for drinks.  Your reception should comprise 50%-60% of your TOTAL wedding budget.  That means the venue rental cost and any associated taxes, surcharges, and fees, tips for the waitstaff and bartenders, the catering costs including alcohol if you choose to serve it, any table, chair, and linen rental fees combined should make up 50%-60% of your total wedding budget.
  
  Your dress, his tux, your flowers, etc. then come out of the remaining 40%-50% of your budget.
  
  
  We aren't spending 30000 on a fricken wedding we aren't even spending 5000. Just so you know since you seem concerned.

  Report0 Reply
• climbingsingle member

  

  October 2015 edited October 2015

  Aschive said:

  Oh FFS. You're making your mom and FMIL cook all the food?

  No. They offered and he'll yes I will take them up on it.

   Your relatives shouldn't have to work your wedding. Wouldn't you and your FI want your mothers to actually ENJOY your wedding? The right thing to do would have been to turn down their offer. 

  
  

  You obviously cannot afford to host this event. 

  Report10 Reply
• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  October 2015

  redoryx said:

  Aschive said:

  If you can't afford to properly host your event, you need to scale back. But again, this is the least of your worries. You and your FI need to get on the same page.

  We are on the same page. Except the time. Which is what this post was originally about.

  And except for the guest list. 

  
  

  Seriously, the timeline is the least of your problems here.

  This.
  
  You don't want to invite your FI's family to witness HIS actual marriage.  Remember, this is his ceremony just as much as it is yours. 
  
  It seems based on your posts here, that you have issues with your FI's relationships and dynamics with his extended family.  That's not your place.  That's for your FI to work on and to deal with as he sees fit.  If he wants to invite these people to witness HIS wedding ceremony, regardless of whether or not he has seen them in 5 years, then you as his future spouse should support him in that desire and go along with it.  It has zero effect on you.
  
  Did you ever consider that your FI might not want to discuss the wedding with you because he's upset with the issue of the guestlist?  I'd personally be offended that my FI didn't want my family present for OUR wedding ceremony.
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

  Report4 Reply
• Aschive member

  

  October 2015

  nerdwife said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  climbingwife said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  climbingwife said:

  If you can't afford to properly host your event, you need to scale back. But again, this is the least of your worries. You and your FI need to get on the same page.

  We are on the same page. Except the time. Which is what this post was originally about.

  
  

  And the fact that he wants to invite people that you don't want to be bothered with saying hello to. 

  No, we are over that too. Not at all what the original post is about. There are people on my list he doesn't want to invite.

  
  

  I don't think the fact that you also have people on the list that he doesn't want is a solution to anything? Like, well if you can have A, B, and C, then I get X, Y, and Z? Not sure that's ideal wedding planning (or relationship building).
  
  That isn't what I said. I was saying that our guest list is exactly as we want it. We worked together and we compromised.

  Report0 Reply
• ryanandjoe4 member

  

  October 2015

  Aschive said:

  Aschive said:

  Aschive said:

  Aschive said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  Aschive said:

  We are going to have a cash bar, we are having a smaller ceremony guest list, we are fine in our personal lives. I am not bitter about inviting his family I just think it is strange. I will smile and I am sure I will love all of them! I may have hinted it would make it less special but I did not mean it like that. I just mean it will make me more self conscious than I already will be.

  Please don't do this. 

  Nope. We are going to. That is not what this post is about. Since everyone is worried about this. No one in either of our family's will care. I know it is against etiquette and rude. Personally when I go to a wedding with an open bar I think that is strange (I can't even really think of 1 wedding like that.) That is how often I have had to deal with cash bars at weddings.

  No, your guests won't tell you it's rude.  They'll totally care, especially the ones who never carry cash.  And like an hour ago, you were serving keg beer so, not sure where that idea came from or went.

  We are offering a couple kegs then the cash bar.

  SO beer is free, and they have to pay for mixed drinks and wine?
  that is not a cash bar, it is a limited to beer only open bar..
  

  But only 2 kegs. So after that if they want beer they will pay for it. So I think it still falls under the same category.

  Sounds like it is going to be an early night.. I know I would leave as soon as the booze was gone and I had to pay for what was free a few minutes ago..
  

  If my guests don't want to pay for their drinks, that's fine. They don't have to drink. If they leave because there isn't alcohol then, maybe I need to rethink my guest list.

  You are missing the point.
  
  In this hypothetical situation, guest are leaving early because you, as the host, are being rude.
  
  Again, when you host a party, it is your obligation as a host to provide all the food, drinks, and entertainment for your guests for that party.  Take the wedding out of it- would you invite people over to your house for dinner and then charge them for their meals or their drinks?
  
  No, of course not.  So then there's no reason or excuse to act this way just because you are hosting a wedding reception.  "I can't afford it" is not a valid excuse.  Your options are them to have a dry reception, host beer or wine only, or to cut costs to save money for the reception.
  
  I don't understand how people plan an entire wedding, down to all the trivial details that guests don't even care about- like flowers and favors- and then run out of money for drinks.  Your reception should comprise 50%-60% of your TOTAL wedding budget.  That means the venue rental cost and any associated taxes, surcharges, and fees, tips for the waitstaff and bartenders, the catering costs including alcohol if you choose to serve it, any table, chair, and linen rental fees combined should make up 50%-60% of your total wedding budget.
  
  Your dress, his tux, your flowers, etc. then come out of the remaining 40%-50% of your budget.
  

  We aren't spending 30000 on a fricken wedding we aren't even spending 5000. Just so you know since you seem concerned.

  umm I hosted a wedding less than 2 weeks ago PROPERLY the reception, open bar wine and beer all night, tables dinner and space cost about 3K the other expenses where decoration, and DJ.. soo $$$ is a lame excuse it is possible to host guests properly in any budget..
  

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• Aschive member

  

  October 2015

  climbingwife said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  climbingwife said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  climbingwife said:

  If you can't afford to properly host your event, you need to scale back. But again, this is the least of your worries. You and your FI need to get on the same page.

  We are on the same page. Except the time. Which is what this post was originally about.

  
  

  And the fact that he wants to invite people that you don't want to be bothered with saying hello to. 

  No, we are over that too. Not at all what the original post is about. There are people on my list he doesn't want to invite.

  
  

  That's amazing that you dealt with these issues since the beginning of your post an hour ago, with a FI that works a lot and doesn't have time to discuss the wedding with you. 
  
  I was over it when I posted those things. It's not like I was telling him no you can't invite your third cousin twice removed. We had the guest list done a long time ago.

  Report0 Reply
• nerdwife member

  

  October 2015 edited October 2015

  Aschive said:

  Aschive said:

  Aschive said:

  If you can't afford to properly host your event, you need to scale back. But again, this is the least of your worries. You and your FI need to get on the same page.

  We are on the same page. Except the time. Which is what this post was originally about.

  And the fact that he wants to invite people that you don't want to be bothered with saying hello to. 

  No, we are over that too. Not at all what the original post is about. There are people on my list he doesn't want to invite.

  I don't think the fact that you also have people on the list that he doesn't want is a solution to anything? Like, well if you can have A, B, and C, then I get X, Y, and Z? Not sure that's ideal wedding planning (or relationship building).

  That isn't what I said. I was saying that our guest list is exactly as we want it. We worked together and we compromised.

  You said that there are people on your guest list that he doesn't want to invite, and earlier you said you don't want his extended family that you haven't seen in years there. Why do you each have people that the other doesn't want invited? Is it a budget issue or do you each have friends or family members the other doesn't like?

  
  

  edited because their =/= there

  Report2 Reply
• redoryx member

  

  October 2015

  ryanandjoe4 said:

  Aschive said:

  Aschive said:

  Aschive said:

  Aschive said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  Aschive said:

  We are going to have a cash bar, we are having a smaller ceremony guest list, we are fine in our personal lives. I am not bitter about inviting his family I just think it is strange. I will smile and I am sure I will love all of them! I may have hinted it would make it less special but I did not mean it like that. I just mean it will make me more self conscious than I already will be.

  Please don't do this. 

  Nope. We are going to. That is not what this post is about. Since everyone is worried about this. No one in either of our family's will care. I know it is against etiquette and rude. Personally when I go to a wedding with an open bar I think that is strange (I can't even really think of 1 wedding like that.) That is how often I have had to deal with cash bars at weddings.

  No, your guests won't tell you it's rude.  They'll totally care, especially the ones who never carry cash.  And like an hour ago, you were serving keg beer so, not sure where that idea came from or went.

  We are offering a couple kegs then the cash bar.

  SO beer is free, and they have to pay for mixed drinks and wine?
  that is not a cash bar, it is a limited to beer only open bar..
  

  But only 2 kegs. So after that if they want beer they will pay for it. So I think it still falls under the same category.

  Sounds like it is going to be an early night.. I know I would leave as soon as the booze was gone and I had to pay for what was free a few minutes ago..
  

  If my guests don't want to pay for their drinks, that's fine. They don't have to drink. If they leave because there isn't alcohol then, maybe I need to rethink my guest list.

  You are missing the point.
  
  In this hypothetical situation, guest are leaving early because you, as the host, are being rude.
  
  Again, when you host a party, it is your obligation as a host to provide all the food, drinks, and entertainment for your guests for that party.  Take the wedding out of it- would you invite people over to your house for dinner and then charge them for their meals or their drinks?
  
  No, of course not.  So then there's no reason or excuse to act this way just because you are hosting a wedding reception.  "I can't afford it" is not a valid excuse.  Your options are them to have a dry reception, host beer or wine only, or to cut costs to save money for the reception.
  
  I don't understand how people plan an entire wedding, down to all the trivial details that guests don't even care about- like flowers and favors- and then run out of money for drinks.  Your reception should comprise 50%-60% of your TOTAL wedding budget.  That means the venue rental cost and any associated taxes, surcharges, and fees, tips for the waitstaff and bartenders, the catering costs including alcohol if you choose to serve it, any table, chair, and linen rental fees combined should make up 50%-60% of your total wedding budget.
  
  Your dress, his tux, your flowers, etc. then come out of the remaining 40%-50% of your budget.
  

  We aren't spending 30000 on a fricken wedding we aren't even spending 5000. Just so you know since you seem concerned.

  umm I hosted a wedding less than 2 weeks ago PROPERLY the reception, open bar wine and beer all night, tables dinner and space cost about 3K the other expenses where decoration, and DJ.. soo $$$ is a lame excuse it is possible to host guests properly in any budget..
  

  
  

  yeah I don't really know what the OP's finances have to do with anything, except that she's using it as an excuse to be a bad host. Lots of couples have hosted well on a budget. Heck, there's an entire board with tips. 

  

  Report5 Reply
• NowIAmSyp member

  

  October 2015

  So let me get this straight:

  
  

  - Tiered wedding (but at the same venue)

  - Only 2 Kegs complimentary, once they're tapped, it's a bait-and-swich

  - Cash Bar

  - overt disdain towards some guests

  - not the best communication with the person 50% responsible for the wedding

  - family making the food

  
  

  Please tell me- does the rest of your shitshow wedding checklist include:

  
  

  - a honeyfund?

  - a dollar dance?

  - smashing of the cake?

  
  

  LOL.  OP, seriously.  Not meaning to be harsh- but please- you have tons of people from all over telling you the exact.same.thing.  Doesn't that mean something?  That perhaps looking in from the outside we see so much wrong and are trying to help you??  

  Report11 Reply
• climbingsingle member

  

  October 2015

  NowIAmSyp said:

  So let me get this straight:

  
  

  - Tiered wedding (but at the same venue)

  - Only 2 Kegs complimentary, once they're tapped, it's a bait-and-swich

  - Cash Bar

  - overt disdain towards some guests

  - not the best communication with the person 50% responsible for the wedding

  - family making the food

  
  

  Please tell me- does the rest of your shitshow wedding checklist include:

  
  

  - a honeyfund?

  - a dollar dance?

  - smashing of the cake?

  
  

  LOL.  OP, seriously.  Not meaning to be harsh- but please- you have tons of people from all over telling you the exact.same.thing.  Doesn't that mean something?  That perhaps looking in from the outside we see so much wrong and are trying to help you??  

  Seriously. Do you really not understand that this is all NOT OK? Did you and your FI just graduate high school and you don't know any better???

  Report4 Reply
• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  October 2015

  Aschive said:

  Aschive said:

  Aschive said:

  Aschive said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  Aschive said:

  We are going to have a cash bar, we are having a smaller ceremony guest list, we are fine in our personal lives. I am not bitter about inviting his family I just think it is strange. I will smile and I am sure I will love all of them! I may have hinted it would make it less special but I did not mean it like that. I just mean it will make me more self conscious than I already will be.

  Please don't do this. 

  Nope. We are going to. That is not what this post is about. Since everyone is worried about this. No one in either of our family's will care. I know it is against etiquette and rude. Personally when I go to a wedding with an open bar I think that is strange (I can't even really think of 1 wedding like that.) That is how often I have had to deal with cash bars at weddings.

  No, your guests won't tell you it's rude.  They'll totally care, especially the ones who never carry cash.  And like an hour ago, you were serving keg beer so, not sure where that idea came from or went.

  We are offering a couple kegs then the cash bar.

  SO beer is free, and they have to pay for mixed drinks and wine?
  that is not a cash bar, it is a limited to beer only open bar..
  

  But only 2 kegs. So after that if they want beer they will pay for it. So I think it still falls under the same category.

  Sounds like it is going to be an early night.. I know I would leave as soon as the booze was gone and I had to pay for what was free a few minutes ago..
  

  If my guests don't want to pay for their drinks, that's fine. They don't have to drink. If they leave because there isn't alcohol then, maybe I need to rethink my guest list.

  You are missing the point.
  
  In this hypothetical situation, guest are leaving early because you, as the host, are being rude.
  
  Again, when you host a party, it is your obligation as a host to provide all the food, drinks, and entertainment for your guests for that party.  Take the wedding out of it- would you invite people over to your house for dinner and then charge them for their meals or their drinks?
  
  No, of course not.  So then there's no reason or excuse to act this way just because you are hosting a wedding reception.  "I can't afford it" is not a valid excuse.  Your options are them to have a dry reception, host beer or wine only, or to cut costs to save money for the reception.
  
  I don't understand how people plan an entire wedding, down to all the trivial details that guests don't even care about- like flowers and favors- and then run out of money for drinks.  Your reception should comprise 50%-60% of your TOTAL wedding budget.  That means the venue rental cost and any associated taxes, surcharges, and fees, tips for the waitstaff and bartenders, the catering costs including alcohol if you choose to serve it, any table, chair, and linen rental fees combined should make up 50%-60% of your total wedding budget.
  
  Your dress, his tux, your flowers, etc. then come out of the remaining 40%-50% of your budget.
  

  We aren't spending 30000 on a fricken wedding we aren't even spending 5000. Just so you know since you seem concerned.

  I'm concerned because so very often on these boards, people fail to properly budget for their weddings and then try to cut corners at the 11th hour, and usually their guests suffer.
  
  Do you understand how percentages work?  I didn't say you had to spend $30K on a wedding.
  
  You should have allocated 50%-60% of your less than 5000 budget to the reception, because that is by far the MOST expensive part.  So if you are spending $4500 total, then $2250-$2700 should have been allocated to your reception.  If you are spending $2000 total, then $1000-$1200 should have been allocated to the reception.
  
  I get that in your situation, this information is likely too late, but for the benefit of anyone lurking I want to point this out in order to help other ppl from making this same mistake.
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

  Report3 Reply
• Heffalump member

  

  October 2015 edited October 2015

  Aschive said:

  If my guests don't want to pay for their drinks, that's fine. They don't have to drink. If they leave because there isn't alcohol then, maybe I need to rethink my guest list.

  I don't think they'll be leaving due to lack of alcohol, so much as leaving because you made a decision to provide some beer, but not enough for everyone.  That wasn't cool in kindergarten, and it's not cool as a grown-up.
  

  Aschive said:

  We are having banquet style food, not catered prepared by my mom and fiances mom

  As soon as I read that, my first thought was "Of course you are."
  

  �

  Report13 Reply
• Aschive member

  

  October 2015

  climbingwife said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  climbingwife said:

  Oh FFS. You're making your mom and FMIL cook all the food?

  No. They offered and he'll yes I will take them up on it.

  
  

   Your relatives shouldn't have to work your wedding. Wouldn't you and your FI want your mothers to actually ENJOY your wedding? The right thing to do would have been to turn down their offer. 

  
  

  You obviously cannot afford to host this event. 

  
  
  Who said they are working it? They are helping me prepare food, I don't care what you think.

  Report0 Reply
• Aschive member

  

  October 2015

  ryanandjoe4 said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  PrettyGirlLost said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  ryanandjoe4 said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  ryanandjoe4 said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  kimmiinthemitten said:

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  climbingwife said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  We are going to have a cash bar, we are having a smaller ceremony guest list, we are fine in our personal lives. I am not bitter about inviting his family I just think it is strange. I will smile and I am sure I will love all of them! I may have hinted it would make it less special but I did not mean it like that. I just mean it will make me more self conscious than I already will be.

  
  

  Please don't do this. 

  Nope. We are going to. That is not what this post is about. Since everyone is worried about this. No one in either of our family's will care. I know it is against etiquette and rude. Personally when I go to a wedding with an open bar I think that is strange (I can't even really think of 1 wedding like that.) That is how often I have had to deal with cash bars at weddings.

  
  

  No, your guests won't tell you it's rude.  They'll totally care, especially the ones who never carry cash.  And like an hour ago, you were serving keg beer so, not sure where that idea came from or went.

  We are offering a couple kegs then the cash bar.

  
  

  SO beer is free, and they have to pay for mixed drinks and wine?
  that is not a cash bar, it is a limited to beer only open bar..
  

  But only 2 kegs. So after that if they want beer they will pay for it. So I think it still falls under the same category.

  
  

  Sounds like it is going to be an early night.. I know I would leave as soon as the booze was gone and I had to pay for what was free a few minutes ago..
  
  
  If my guests don't want to pay for their drinks, that's fine. They don't have to drink. If they leave because there isn't alcohol then, maybe I need to rethink my guest list.
  
  
  You are missing the point.
  
  In this hypothetical situation, guest are leaving early because you, as the host, are being rude.
  
  Again, when you host a party, it is your obligation as a host to provide all the food, drinks, and entertainment for your guests for that party.  Take the wedding out of it- would you invite people over to your house for dinner and then charge them for their meals or their drinks?
  
  No, of course not.  So then there's no reason or excuse to act this way just because you are hosting a wedding reception.  "I can't afford it" is not a valid excuse.  Your options are them to have a dry reception, host beer or wine only, or to cut costs to save money for the reception.
  
  I don't understand how people plan an entire wedding, down to all the trivial details that guests don't even care about- like flowers and favors- and then run out of money for drinks.  Your reception should comprise 50%-60% of your TOTAL wedding budget.  That means the venue rental cost and any associated taxes, surcharges, and fees, tips for the waitstaff and bartenders, the catering costs including alcohol if you choose to serve it, any table, chair, and linen rental fees combined should make up 50%-60% of your total wedding budget.
  
  Your dress, his tux, your flowers, etc. then come out of the remaining 40%-50% of your budget.
  
  
  We aren't spending 30000 on a fricken wedding we aren't even spending 5000. Just so you know since you seem concerned.
  
  
  umm I hosted a wedding less than 2 weeks ago PROPERLY the reception, open bar wine and beer all night, tables dinner and space cost about 3K the other expenses where decoration, and DJ.. soo $$$ is a lame excuse it is possible to host guests properly in any budget..
  
  
  Yes and everything else was free? Like dress and apparel, ceremony space, gifts for attendants and others?

  Report0 Reply
• climbingsingle member

  

  October 2015

  Aschive said:

  Aschive said:

  Oh FFS. You're making your mom and FMIL cook all the food?

  No. They offered and he'll yes I will take them up on it.

   Your relatives shouldn't have to work your wedding. Wouldn't you and your FI want your mothers to actually ENJOY your wedding? The right thing to do would have been to turn down their offer. 

  
  

  You obviously cannot afford to host this event. 

  Who said they are working it? They are helping me prepare food, I don't care what you think.

  Having to make food for 170 people is in fact WORK. 

  Report18 Reply
• Aschive member

  

  October 2015

  PrettyGirlLost said:

  
  

  redoryx said:

  
  

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  climbingwife said:

  If you can't afford to properly host your event, you need to scale back. But again, this is the least of your worries. You and your FI need to get on the same page.

  We are on the same page. Except the time. Which is what this post was originally about.

  
  

  And except for the guest list. 

  
  

  Seriously, the timeline is the least of your problems here.

  
  

  This.
  
  You don't want to invite your FI's family to witness HIS actual marriage.  Remember, this is his ceremony just as much as it is yours. 
  
  It seems based on your posts here, that you have issues with your FI's relationships and dynamics with his extended family.  That's not your place.  That's for your FI to work on and to deal with as he sees fit.  If he wants to invite these people to witness HIS wedding ceremony, regardless of whether or not he has seen them in 5 years, then you as his future spouse should support him in that desire and go along with it.  It has zero effect on you.
  
  Did you ever consider that your FI might not want to discuss the wedding with you because he's upset with the issue of the guestlist?  I'd personally be offended that my FI didn't want my family present for OUR wedding ceremony.
  
  
  THE GUEST LIST IS FINE! We talked about it a long time ago and we are fine in our decisions about the ceremony and reception.

  Report0 Reply
• Heffalump member

  

  October 2015

  Am I the only one who keeps reading the OPs name as Ass Chive? 
  
  I think I'm going to save that for when I need it in traffic or something.  "Way to come to a complete stop in the middle of the traffic circle, Ass Chive."
  

  �

  Report15 Reply
• Aschive member

  

  October 2015

  nerdwife said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  nerdwife said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  climbingwife said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  climbingwife said:

  If you can't afford to properly host your event, you need to scale back. But again, this is the least of your worries. You and your FI need to get on the same page.

  We are on the same page. Except the time. Which is what this post was originally about.

  
  

  And the fact that he wants to invite people that you don't want to be bothered with saying hello to. 

  No, we are over that too. Not at all what the original post is about. There are people on my list he doesn't want to invite.

  
  

  I don't think the fact that you also have people on the list that he doesn't want is a solution to anything? Like, well if you can have A, B, and C, then I get X, Y, and Z? Not sure that's ideal wedding planning (or relationship building).

  That isn't what I said. I was saying that our guest list is exactly as we want it. We worked together and we compromised.
  
  
  You said that there are people on your guest list that he doesn't want to invite, and earlier you said you don't want his extended family that you haven't seen in years there. Why do you each have people that the other doesn't want invited? Is it a budget issue or do you each have friends or family members the other doesn't like?

  
  

  edited because their =/= there

  
  
  Neither. No one is omitted from the guest list because someone doesn't want them there. It was a statement, feeling, just a thought. I am excited to meet his family. I'd rather it not be at our wedding, but if that is what he wants i am happy to. I haven't met a lot of the people he is inviting, but I am ok with that. I wasn't at first (in the beginning of writing the guest list) but now we are both happy with it.

  Report0 Reply
• Liatris2010 mod

  

  October 2015

  OP, you need a complete re-plan. Everything about your current plan is awful, and you will regret it later. Start over from the beginning.
  

  

  Report12 Reply
• climbingsingle member

  

  October 2015

  Neither. No one is omitted from the guest list because someone doesn't want them there. It was a statement, feeling, just a thought. I am excited to meet his family. I'd rather it not be at our wedding, but if that is what he wants i am happy to. I haven't met a lot of the people he is inviting, but I am ok with that. I wasn't at first (in the beginning of writing the guest list) but now we are both happy with it.
  

  We're only commenting on words and statements that YOU TYPED. Maybe you should go back and read your post. 

  Report3 Reply
• kimmiinthemitten member

  

  October 2015

  Aschive said:

  Oh FFS. You're making your mom and FMIL cook all the food?

  No. They offered and he'll yes I will take them up on it.

  
  

  **stuck in box**

  
  

  Two non-professional chefs are making the food for 170 people?  Do you have any idea how much work that is?  I work for an off-site catering company on the side.  They typically have 3-4 chefs prepare as much as possible in advance, then at least 2-3 on-site for the day of?
  
  Do they also own chafers, hot boxes and industrial sized coolers to make sure the food stays at a healthy temperature during the transport and staging?  Who will be responsible for clearing the dishes, replacing the food as it runs out or has been out too long?  Who's manning the bar too while we're at it?

  
  

  You don't have to care what we think, but you should care about what your guests think, and that's what everyone here is trying to help you realize.

  
  

  Report7 Reply
• climbingsingle member

  

  October 2015

  kimmiinthemitten said:

  Aschive said:

  Oh FFS. You're making your mom and FMIL cook all the food?

  No. They offered and he'll yes I will take them up on it.

  
  

  **stuck in box**

  
  

  Two non-professional chefs are making the food for 170 people?  Do you have any idea how much work that is?  I work for an off-site catering company on the side.  They typically have 3-4 chefs prepare as much as possible in advance, then at least 2-3 on-site for the day of?
  
  Do they also own chafers, hot boxes and industrial sized coolers to make sure the food stays at a healthy temperature during the transport and staging?  Who will be responsible for clearing the dishes, replacing the food as it runs out or has been out too long?  Who's manning the bar too while we're at it?

  
  

  You don't have to care what we think, but you should care about what your guests think, and that's what everyone here is trying to help you realize.

  Don't be silly. Why would she concern herself with things like food safety! 

  Report6 Reply
• Heffalump member

  

  October 2015

  

  �

  Report6 Reply
• Aschive member

  

  October 2015

  climbingwife said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  climbingwife said:

  
  

  Aschive said:

  
  

  climbingwife said:

  Oh FFS. You're making your mom and FMIL cook all the food?

  No. They offered and he'll yes I will take them up on it.

  
  

   Your relatives shouldn't have to work your wedding. Wouldn't you and your FI want your mothers to actually ENJOY your wedding? The right thing to do would have been to turn down their offer. 

  
  

  You obviously cannot afford to host this event. 

  Who said they are working it? They are helping me prepare food, I don't care what you think.

  
  

  Having to make food for 170 people is in fact WORK. 
  
  I know that. I never said it wasn't.

  Report0 Reply
• redoryx member

  

  October 2015

  Aschive said:

  redoryx said:

  Aschive said:

  If you can't afford to properly host your event, you need to scale back. But again, this is the least of your worries. You and your FI need to get on the same page.

  We are on the same page. Except the time. Which is what this post was originally about.

  And except for the guest list. 

  
  

  Seriously, the timeline is the least of your problems here.

  This.
  
  You don't want to invite your FI's family to witness HIS actual marriage.  Remember, this is his ceremony just as much as it is yours. 
  
  It seems based on your posts here, that you have issues with your FI's relationships and dynamics with his extended family.  That's not your place.  That's for your FI to work on and to deal with as he sees fit.  If he wants to invite these people to witness HIS wedding ceremony, regardless of whether or not he has seen them in 5 years, then you as his future spouse should support him in that desire and go along with it.  It has zero effect on you.
  
  Did you ever consider that your FI might not want to discuss the wedding with you because he's upset with the issue of the guestlist?  I'd personally be offended that my FI didn't want my family present for OUR wedding ceremony.
  

  THE GUEST LIST IS FINE! We talked about it a long time ago and we are fine in our decisions about the ceremony and reception.

  
  

  Except he wants to get married at 1pm and you don't. 

  
  

  So no, despite what you apparently think and keep telling us, EVERYTHING IS NOT FINE.

  

  Report0 Reply
• Heffalump member

  

  October 2015

  Aschive said:

  Aschive said:

  Aschive said:

  Oh FFS. You're making your mom and FMIL cook all the food?

  No. They offered and he'll yes I will take them up on it.

   Your relatives shouldn't have to work your wedding. Wouldn't you and your FI want your mothers to actually ENJOY your wedding? The right thing to do would have been to turn down their offer. 

  
  

  You obviously cannot afford to host this event. 

  Who said they are working it? They are helping me prepare food, I don't care what you think.

  Having to make food for 170 people is in fact WORK. 

  I know that. I never said it wasn't.

  

  �

  Report29 Reply
• Aschive member

  

  October 2015 edited October 2015

  First off. I know food safety, I have taken courses on it. So thanks for your concern. I will not be hiring a caterer no matter what. I am not re planning everything just because you have different ideas than me. I was asking about a timeline, not about the other details. I am concerned about what my guests think, but I also care about my budget and what I want. I run everything by my fiance before I make any final decisions. We agree on everything except the time to get married at. I don't really care that you all think of me as a spoiled little brat who doesn't have manners or wedding etiquette. I was just asking about what my wedding day timeline should look like. And before you say oh look she couldn't take the judgment. I can. Cause I am not going to change my ideas just because some people who don't know my family and how they act say I am wrong and my guests will hate me. The only thing I MIGHT reconsider is the caterer, but we will see.

  Report0 Reply
• kimmiinthemitten member

  

  October 2015

  
  

  
  

  Report6 Reply
• missa011 member

  

  October 2015

  People plan weddings all the time on a budget and still host their guests properly; a PP already explained to you how she did that. $$ is no excuse. You said you were far enough out that timing didn't matter, so why can't you reorganize your plan to include proper hosting? How many things have you spent this $5000 on? If it is going towards attire/flowers/DJ, etc., then you are planning poorly because those things are not for the comfort and hospitality of your guests. Reception (food, drinks, seating for all people the whole time) is what you should prioritize.

  Report0 Reply