Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bar related question

1235712

Re: Bar related question

  • Why? Because it's not all about me. Because I'm in the minority on this subject. Because I was tired of fighting. Because my FH agreed to put some limitations on the bar to achieve some kind of compromise. Because the open bar is a part of the venue package. Because I'd already chosen two hills to die on and I was tired of fighting. But mostly because I know am in the minority about this. Honestly, this hostility is pretty much on par with what everything thinks about booze and I think that sucks. But it's not enough to change my mind on it. So I stopped fighing and let my FH have something he wanted at the wedding even if it really bothers me. There are other hills to die on.
    I honestly wasn't trying to be hostile towards you - you've gotten very combative and I can tell that this is something that's truly bothering you. I'm just worried that you're going to have a hard time enjoying yourself at your reception when you feel this strongly towards drinking. Yes, a lot of people like to drink at social gatherings and yes, a few many even get out of control but I promise that it won't ruin your enjoyment. I was SO busy my whole reception with my new husband, dancing and laughing, and running around making sure that I spent a little time with everyone. I know H and I got drunk but I can't tell if you if anyone else did. I didn't care at that point. I truly hope that by the time your wedding rolls around, you can enjoy yourself that day and let a little bit of this go. I know you said this wasn't a hill you wanted to die on but you're obviously very upset about it.
  • Thanks. If you don't mind, I won't take your "advice" under advisement. I don't believe you have my best interests at heart.
    There might be some personal bias against you, sure, in that I don't generally like people who don't bother to use logic. But if they were willing to learn, I would help. You may believe whatever you want, and that would make you right or wrong, depending on what the facts are.
  • I honestly wasn't trying to be hostile towards you - you've gotten very combative and I can tell that this is something that's truly bothering you. I'm just worried that you're going to have a hard time enjoying yourself at your reception when you feel this strongly towards drinking. Yes, a lot of people like to drink at social gatherings and yes, a few many even get out of control but I promise that it won't ruin your enjoyment. I was SO busy my whole reception with my new husband, dancing and laughing, and running around making sure that I spent a little time with everyone. I know H and I got drunk but I can't tell if you if anyone else did. I didn't care at that point. I truly hope that by the time your wedding rolls around, you can enjoy yourself that day and let a little bit of this go. I know you said this wasn't a hill you wanted to die on but you're obviously very upset about it.
    I'm not upset, but I am worried about a few people ruining the day by making spectacles of themselves because they don't know their limits. I'm not upset, but I am sick and tired of alcohol being a focus for social situations. I'm tired of non-drinkers or very limited drinkers being shoved aside and being ignored and regulated to just drinking whatever mixers are available. I found an idea for an Italian Soda bar on a site when I was doing research for a friend's baby shower so I am bringing that in so that non-drinkers can have something fun to drink instead of boring mixers. I have people around me who know how I feel and will do damage control up to and including kicking out people who get out of control so that I don't have to deal with it. So I am relatively fine with things. What I am not fine with, and tired of, is the expectation that alcohol is provided free and clear when having a party and that it's either a free for all or nothing and that a compromise is not possible. It's just maddening. But I'm in the minority, and like anything else, the minority gets overruled. It's the black and white thinking that is pissing me off.
  • edited May 2015



    I don't see alcohol as a requirement. I see it as something that is overstated as a requirement for a good time. So yes, I do think that people should be responsible for their own consumption, especially if they are going to overindulge as most do at parties. I don't feel like I should be required to fund someone's stupidity because society has dictated that the only way to have fun at a social gathering is to get drunk.

    I would much prefer to have people be responsible for their own beverages at a wedding just like they are responsible for their own beverages at all other social gatherings in familar circles.

    But don't fret, we're having an open bar even though I think it's stupid. It's a part of the package we got so whatever. I just have strict instructions in place to prevent over consumption.

    You have some serious issues with alcohol that I think you need to get over and deal with.

    And you project your own issues on to other people by making condescending judgements and unfair sweeping generalizations.

    When people suggest therapy on these boards lately, it goes over like a lead balloon so my suggestion is to have the stick removed from your ass- it's an out patient procedure- and then have a fucking drink.  Or a Xanax.

    Everywhere you go, alcohol is considered an "essential" for a social gathering. It's not just here. And I don't think a dry wedding should be the only other option, I just don't believe that the hosts should have to be on the hook for the stupidity of others, which is what an open bar does. Cash bar puts the onus on the drinker and they will think twice about drinking. At least those in my circle do.
    So in your area the bars are never full of drunks?

    I had a limited bar at my wedding- beer, wine, and a signature champagne cocktail.  People drank all night, in fact we drank the venue out of our contracted beverage choices so they had to add alternatives.  We drank not because we had to in order to have a good time, but because we enjoy drinking- crazy concept, I know.  Unless you're drinking the cheap shit, beer, wine, and cocktails actually taste great!

    People got tipsy, some even got drunk, and guess what?  No one needed to be cut off, was cut off, and there were no druken brawls or other acts of "stupidity."

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • There might be some personal bias against you, sure, in that I don't generally like people who don't bother to use logic. But if they were willing to learn, I would help. You may believe whatever you want, and that would make you right or wrong, depending on what the facts are.
    You amuse me when you say I lack logic. Thanks for the laugh.

  • I have friends in the wedding industry. They aren't taking my money, they aren't even doing anything for the wedding other than coming as a guest. I trust their opinion implicitly. But thanks. I know how retail works. However, some people have ethics and won't lie to make a buck.
    Yes, because your small group of friends is emblematic or a statistically significant sample size of the entire industry.  Again, you've completely missed, or more likely ignored my point.  Your response is far askew of my comment.  

  • You have some serious issues with alcohol that I think you need to get over and deal with.

    And you project your own issues on to other people by making condescending judgements and unfair sweeping generalizations.

    When people suggest therapy on these boards lately, it goes over like a lead balloon so my suggestion is to have the stick removed from your ass- it's an out patient procedure- and then have a fucking drink.  Or a Xanax.
    Oh I don't think that my sweeping generalizations are that off base. Maybe unfair to a select few but overall I've got it pegged right. Your shining example of telling me to take the stick out of my ass is a prime example. But thanks. I'll not take it under advisement. As I said elsewhere, I don't think you have my best interests at heart.
  • You have real issues with alcohol. You should see a therapist.

    Who says I'm not? It's not exactly a topic one discusses in polite conversation. Granted this is not exactly a polite conversation. However, I'll use the statement that comes in handy whenever someone makes a rude comment, "why do you want to know?"
  • You have real issues with alcohol. You should see a therapist.
    You are coming off as pretty fanatical about this. I was just thinking the same thing as Ashley just posted, and this is coming from the child of an alcoholic. You have to learn to deal with the fact that people can and will drink, some to excess.

    Alcohol consumption's been part of the of celebration of life in almost every culture since ancient times. You're not going magically change the culture by saying you believe it shouldn't be that way.
  • littlepep said:

    Why on earth is your reception 7 hours?!! What are you doing for that long?? If people are drinking, they will probably get tired and leave or get super wasted. Even if they aren't drinking, I can't imagine hanging around for 7 hours. I'd get bored. 
    Lol, I always have to laugh at these comments- no offense meant 'peep.

    Out of 30+ weddings I have been to, across the country, no reception has ever been less than 5 hours.  Most are 6-7 hours long.  By the time you have cocktail hour, dinner, spotlight shit, and then 1.5-2 hours at least of dancing. . .

    Mine was 6 hours.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • geebee908 said:


    You are coming off as pretty fanatical about this. I was just thinking the same thing as Ashley just posted, and this is coming from the child of an alcoholic. You have to learn to deal with the fact that people can and will drink, some to excess.

    Alcohol consumption's been part of the of celebration of life in almost every culture since ancient times. You're not going magically change the culture by saying you believe it shouldn't be that way.
    Never said I expected everyone to change, That does not stop me from having the opinion that society is overly obsessed with alcohol. Can people drink responsibly? Yes. Do most people? The jury's out on that one. I can understand drinking in moderation to enjoy the drink. I will never understand drinking to get drunk or having to be drunk to have a good time. I know I won't change it, and it would be nice if people stopped trying to change me about this.
  • Lol, I always have to laugh at these comments- no offense meant 'peep.

    Out of 30+ weddings I have been to, across the country, no reception has ever been less than 5 hours.  Most are 6-7 hours long.  By the time you have cocktail hour, dinner, spotlight shit, and then 1.5-2 hours at least of dancing. . .

    Mine was 6 hours.
    Ha no offense taken. I was just super surprised that a reception could last that long. Between the ceremony, cocktail hour and reception, ours will be 4.5 hours. I thought that was kind of standard since most weddings I have been to were like that. Plus most of the venues I spoke too don't really let you go more than 5 hours.  

    I can't imagine being a reception that long, but if people can, more power to them! 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
  • esstee33esstee33 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2015

    This post is making me want to drink at the bar tonight while watching the Hawks play. 


    Anyone know a good recipe for Vegas Bombs? I want to make them myself and finding new recipes online to try. 
    YOU'RE GOING TO NEED SOME ALCOHOL WHEN THE WILD COME BACK AND BEAT YOUR ASSESSSSSSS. 

    OK, I'm done. That's not likely to happen but I just had to get it out of my system. 
  • littlepep said:

    Ha no offense taken. I was just super surprised that a reception could last that long. Between the ceremony, cocktail hour and reception, ours will be 4.5 hours. I thought that was kind of standard since most weddings I have been to were like that. Plus most of the venues I spoke too don't really let you go more than 5 hours.  

    I can't imagine being a reception that long, but if people can, more power to them! 
    Our reception was, uhhhhhh...approximately 10 hours, because that's how long people stayed.
  • I disagree with this wholeheartedly.  There is no logic behind this argument.  Why would we take time to read these questions and respond with good advice?  There is no competition and to assert that none of us actually care about dispensing good advice is unfounded and unsupported.  
    I live in a very busy world.  I work, I travel, I socialize.  I run into situations all of the time where people behaving poorly, selfishly, rudely rub me the wrong way, bother me, or make me feel uncomfortable.  However, confronting them by trying to correct their behavior (unless it's really egregious) is not always practical.  This is a place where people come for advice from people who know better and it can actually help those who are genuinely interested in learning how to host properly and throw a reception that IS indeed meant to be a thank you to the guests.  No one likes to be criticized or told they are wrong so your reaction is not an unusual one.  However, calling us mean girls or making false assumptions that we don't care about everyone having the best wedding possible is just wrong and smacks of a defense mechanism. 

    I've actually met a few posters IRL and they are delightful, not the faceless vaporous monsters you believe us to be.  We are just offended by poor behavior and this is a place where we can try one person at a time to correct it.  

    Hell, I'm powerful and special in real life - I don't need to come here to prove it.  I live it every day!
    Amen.

    I'm such a fucking boss I can be the baddest bitch IRL AND on these forums too.  Multitasking FTW!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • geebee908 said:

    This is where I think your world view on adults drinking must be skewed. I get the sense that you must have a number of substance abusers among people you know, because that vast majority of people outgrow the "drink to get drunk" mentality shortly after their mid-20's and settle into enjoying the alcoholic beverage of their choice in moderation. For you to believe that it's a possibility that, generally, most people drink to get drunk says something about those who surround you and how you've been affected by alcohol abuse.
    I was going to point out the same thing. I host dinner parties fairly regularly, and we always pop open a few bottles of wine and/or break open some six-packs. Over the course of 3-4 hours, most of my friends will have 2-4 alcoholic drinks. Some will drink more, some will drink less. I don't view any of them as being irresponsible drinkers.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • Our reception was, uhhhhhh...approximately 10 hours, because that's how long people stayed.
    Wow! Our venue will kick people out so those still going will have to relocate. :)
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
  • edited May 2015
    MagicInk said:

    Seriously. Look up your local al-anon chapter. You've got hang ups about alcohol that scream "adult child of an alcoholic". 


    Most people can control their drinking. I do drink to get drunk sometimes. Sometimes I don't, but sometimes I do. I make the decision to get drunk before I start drinking, I make sure I have a ride if I'm out, I drink water, and I get home safely.

    I'm not an alcoholic, I don't always drink to get drunk, and if I am drinking to get drunk I make sure I'm in the appropriate venue for such shenanigans. Mom's work Christmas party? Nope. Drag show at the gay bar? Bring on the vodka please!

    This is called being an adult. This is how most adults who are not alcoholics behave. The fact that you equate all drinking with alcoholic behavior tells me mom/dad was an alcoholic or perhaps still is and you haven't dealt with your shit and instead are blaming everyone around you. Handle. Your. Shit.

    Shit's handled, TYVM. Just not in the way you think it should be. And I resent the disparaging remarks against my parents. They are not a part of this conversation.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards