Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bar related question

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Re: Bar related question

  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 Where the skies are so blue member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2015



    Thanks for the unsolicited advice. Welcome to the interwebz.  Until I know you in person, I will not take your opinion under advisement.   Then why are you posting on an internet message board?  You aren't here seeking any kind of wedding planning advice or information from others?  I know that in this particular instance you aren't the OP, but you don't want any wedding related advice?  If you think I'm rage filled, you're wrong. But that's okay. It doesn't bother me.  I do think you have rage issues because of how many times you referred to family and friends as "stupid" "morons" etc. and by how resentful you come across as having to host an open bar due to your FI and your FILs.  And other posters here are picking up on those same things, so I'm not wrong.  But you can think otherwise.


    In this one aspect of the wedding, hellz ya I'm resentful. But I won on other aspects. I'm down with the whole card box thing right now (and even asked advice on something... shocking I know). Alcohol is an extremely touchy issue. But why don't we go talk cake or flowers or something... there not so much. Everyone has their hot points. This is one of them for me. What is it for you?
    Ok good, you admit it!

    Since alcohol is this touchy a subject of you and you are so against it, I wonder why you choose to give in on this issue, instead of standing your ground?  And why wouldn't your FI support you on this?

    What on Earth were the other two hills you refused to die on?


    This. I cannot imagine anything about which you could possibly be more vehemently against, so why did you not choose THIS to be one of your hills? Because... if I hated something this much, it would not only be a hill I'd die on, but I'd die on it screaming THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!!1!!!1!!!!!!! because seriously I cannot imagine being this riled up over something. 

    ETA: I see where you answered this question earlier. And... yeah, no. I think I would have let one of those go. This is clearly a MUCH bigger issue.
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    esstee33ashley8918PrettyGirlLostbride2b71614
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper

    MagicInk said:

    MagicInk said:

    MagicInk said:

    Seriously. Look up your local al-anon chapter. You've got hang ups about alcohol that scream "adult child of an alcoholic". 


    Most people can control their drinking. I do drink to get drunk sometimes. Sometimes I don't, but sometimes I do. I make the decision to get drunk before I start drinking, I make sure I have a ride if I'm out, I drink water, and I get home safely.

    I'm not an alcoholic, I don't always drink to get drunk, and if I am drinking to get drunk I make sure I'm in the appropriate venue for such shenanigans. Mom's work Christmas party? Nope. Drag show at the gay bar? Bring on the vodka please!

    This is called being an adult. This is how most adults who are not alcoholics behave. The fact that you equate all drinking with alcoholic behavior tells me mom/dad was an alcoholic or perhaps still is and you haven't dealt with your shit and instead are blaming everyone around you. Handle. Your. Shit.

    Shit's handled, TYVM. Just not in the way you think it should be.
    By seeing a therapist or attending a support group? You're not handling your hang ups about alcohol with people who have been there or a train professional? You're just ignoring it hoping it goes away? Blaming other people?

    Honey, that is not handling your shit at all. Putting your issues onto other people is the exact opposite of handling your shit actually.

    I feel no need to share this personal information on a public message board. Think as you like. It does not bother me.
    But you have no problem, on a public message board, referring to your FILs as stupid? Your friends as stupid? And people who drink to excess (in your opinion) as stupid? You have no problem talking about watching people who drink "like a hawk" and micromanaging the shit out of everyone you know? 

    But talking about if you've ever even tried to work on your very clear hang-ups with alcohol, that's just TOO FAR.

    Those are pretty arbitrary lines to be drawing the sand sweet cheeks. 

    Yup. For you, those lines are pretty damn concrete. For someone else, probably not so much.
    Dafuq?
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    banana468 said:



    Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 


    Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.



    Why does alcohol make a party a hell of a lot better? I have never understood this sentiment.  Do you like to drink?  Honest question.  If you do not, no one will be able to explain this statement to you.  It would be akin to a person who always wanted to and chose to have children explaining to a person who has never wanted and chose to be child free why kids are the best thing ever.

    Where do I draw the line? It depends on the person and how much I trust them. My FH or my best friend can probably get away with a couple more than the average person. I just think multiple drinks at any time is just excessive... just like I think eating an entire cake is excessive. Actually, I think one person eating an entire cake in one sitting is pretty stupid too.

    I believe in this thing called moderation, which few people seem to adhere to in social settings. Not to mention a lot of people consider weddings with open bars a time to completely lose their shit because they aren't paying for it (directly quoting quite a few conversations over the years).   And those are shitty or juvenile- as in young- people who are not actually representative of the majority of social drinkers.  So you are extrapolating the behavior of a few gross people out onto the wider population of people who like to drink socially- which is called a sweeping generalization.

    Do your FILs have a drinking problem?  Are they actually alcoholics?  Or do they just drink too much in your opinion?  How about your FI?  I'm only asking because your FIL's and your FI are the ones that really wanted the open bar, right?

    image



    I drink very rarely and if I do it's one and then I'm done. I get wicked migraines from alcohol so most of the time it's just not worth the bother. I am usually the DD, which is fine because I know people get home safe but also a drag when it comes to dealing with some people.

    Are there drinking issues in my ILs families? Yes. By the following description it sounds like no, there are no actual issues of alcoholism.  Just that YOU take issue with how they choose to drink and how much.  Do I think they drink too much? Yes. It's a focus point of all celebrations. Is it really though?  Having drinks at every celebration doesn't really mean that the point of the celebrations is to drink.  People who enjoy drinking will serve and drink alcohol regardless- does that make sense.  In my family we have wine with dinner when the family is together, we have wine at holiday and birthday dinners, and sometimes people drink a glass or two with a regular meal during the week.  Would you say that alcohol is the focus of our celebrations?  And by the way, there are no diagnosed or suspected alcoholics in my family.  They do celebratory shots (which is why we are not doing a receiving line or having them available in the cocktail hour) at all occasions. I just think this is ridiculous to have that much alcohol be that much of a focus. My family has alcohol but it is not a focal point. Describe how your family has alcohol vs your FILs?  I think having a normal drink and then having shots on top of that is excessive.   It's not, though, unless everyone gets black out drunk every time.  Then that's excessive and an issue.  This is a normal cultural thing for them. For me, it is an uncomfortable awkward thing to sit through. I generally "take the air" when this shit starts  Hey, you don't have to do shots if you don't want to.  I stopped doing shots after college.  I prefer beer, wine, cocktails, or sipping whiskey/scotch.


     



    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    esstee33
  • banana468 said:



    Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 


    Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.



    Why does alcohol make a party a hell of a lot better? I have never understood this sentiment.  Do you like to drink?  Honest question.  If you do not, no one will be able to explain this statement to you.  It would be akin to a person who always wanted to and chose to have children explaining to a person who has never wanted and chose to be child free why kids are the best thing ever.

    Where do I draw the line? It depends on the person and how much I trust them. My FH or my best friend can probably get away with a couple more than the average person. I just think multiple drinks at any time is just excessive... just like I think eating an entire cake is excessive. Actually, I think one person eating an entire cake in one sitting is pretty stupid too.

    I believe in this thing called moderation, which few people seem to adhere to in social settings. Not to mention a lot of people consider weddings with open bars a time to completely lose their shit because they aren't paying for it (directly quoting quite a few conversations over the years).   And those are shitty or juvenile- as in young- people who are not actually representative of the majority of social drinkers.  So you are extrapolating the behavior of a few gross people out onto the wider population of people who like to drink socially- which is called a sweeping generalization.

    Do your FILs have a drinking problem?  Are they actually alcoholics?  Or do they just drink too much in your opinion?  How about your FI?  I'm only asking because your FIL's and your FI are the ones that really wanted the open bar, right?

    image



    I drink very rarely and if I do it's one and then I'm done. I get wicked migraines from alcohol so most of the time it's just not worth the bother. I am usually the DD, which is fine because I know people get home safe but also a drag when it comes to dealing with some people.

    Are there drinking issues in my ILs families? Yes. Do I think they drink too much? Yes. It's a focus point of all celebrations. They do celebratory shots (which is why we are not doing a receiving line or having them available in the cocktail hour) at all occasions. I just think this is ridiculous to have that much alcohol be that much of a focus. My family has alcohol but it is not a focal point. I think having a normal drink and then having shots on top of that is excessive. This is a normal cultural thing for them. For me, it is an uncomfortable awkward thing to sit through. I generally "take the air" when this shit starts.


     

    What the fuck does a receiving line have to do with taking shots?



    Also, so shots are what you consider the crossover into alcoholism? Because that's ridiculous. There is generally a shot or more in every mixed drink. It's the same thing as having a rum and coke.




    I am just as shocked as you that they do celebratory shots in the receiving line. When I was told stories of other weddings (before we were engaged) I had a look of horror on my face (they laughed at it). I knew then that there was no way in hell we were doing a receiving line to encourage that. So far so good. I'm sure someone will freak out, but I don't care. No receiving line, no celebratory shots in the cocktail hour.

    I have always found shots to be stupid. I really don't see the point of them. They are just a gateway to drunkenness. Mixing makes the drink last somewhat longer and doesn't have the person ingesting it in one solitary go.

  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer



    Thanks for the unsolicited advice. Welcome to the interwebz.  Until I know you in person, I will not take your opinion under advisement.   Then why are you posting on an internet message board?  You aren't here seeking any kind of wedding planning advice or information from others?  I know that in this particular instance you aren't the OP, but you don't want any wedding related advice?  If you think I'm rage filled, you're wrong. But that's okay. It doesn't bother me.  I do think you have rage issues because of how many times you referred to family and friends as "stupid" "morons" etc. and by how resentful you come across as having to host an open bar due to your FI and your FILs.  And other posters here are picking up on those same things, so I'm not wrong.  But you can think otherwise.


    In this one aspect of the wedding, hellz ya I'm resentful. But I won on other aspects. I'm down with the whole card box thing right now (and even asked advice on something... shocking I know). Alcohol is an extremely touchy issue. But why don't we go talk cake or flowers or something... there not so much. Everyone has their hot points. This is one of them for me. What is it for you?
    Ok good, you admit it!

    Since alcohol is this touchy a subject of you and you are so against it, I wonder why you choose to give in on this issue, instead of standing your ground?  And why wouldn't your FI support you on this?

    What on Earth were the other two hills you refused to die on?



    The location and marrying in the church. Those were much bigger hills to die on. Their attempts to get their way were impressive.

    Why didn't FH support me in a dry wedding? Because he likes to drink socially and he knew it would be a big bone of contention. I gave in as long as he promised some control over it. So far, so good. And it's his wedding to, it's not all about me.

    OK, makes sense.

    But you do realize that it is not your job, or your FI's job to police how much guests drink at your reception, right?  Professional bartenders are already legally bound to handle this.  So just trust them to do their job, and don't try and give them your own set of rules to follow as far as when someone has had too much.  That's not for you to determine, that's for the bartenders.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    cupcait927
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2015

    banana468 said:



    Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 


    Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.



    Why does alcohol make a party a hell of a lot better? I have never understood this sentiment.  Do you like to drink?  Honest question.  If you do not, no one will be able to explain this statement to you.  It would be akin to a person who always wanted to and chose to have children explaining to a person who has never wanted and chose to be child free why kids are the best thing ever.

    Where do I draw the line? It depends on the person and how much I trust them. My FH or my best friend can probably get away with a couple more than the average person. I just think multiple drinks at any time is just excessive... just like I think eating an entire cake is excessive. Actually, I think one person eating an entire cake in one sitting is pretty stupid too.

    I believe in this thing called moderation, which few people seem to adhere to in social settings. Not to mention a lot of people consider weddings with open bars a time to completely lose their shit because they aren't paying for it (directly quoting quite a few conversations over the years).   And those are shitty or juvenile- as in young- people who are not actually representative of the majority of social drinkers.  So you are extrapolating the behavior of a few gross people out onto the wider population of people who like to drink socially- which is called a sweeping generalization.

    Do your FILs have a drinking problem?  Are they actually alcoholics?  Or do they just drink too much in your opinion?  How about your FI?  I'm only asking because your FIL's and your FI are the ones that really wanted the open bar, right?

    image



    I drink very rarely and if I do it's one and then I'm done. I get wicked migraines from alcohol so most of the time it's just not worth the bother. I am usually the DD, which is fine because I know people get home safe but also a drag when it comes to dealing with some people.

    Are there drinking issues in my ILs families? Yes. Do I think they drink too much? Yes. It's a focus point of all celebrations. They do celebratory shots (which is why we are not doing a receiving line or having them available in the cocktail hour) at all occasions. I just think this is ridiculous to have that much alcohol be that much of a focus. My family has alcohol but it is not a focal point. I think having a normal drink and then having shots on top of that is excessive. This is a normal cultural thing for them. For me, it is an uncomfortable awkward thing to sit through. I generally "take the air" when this shit starts.


     

    What the fuck does a receiving line have to do with taking shots?



    Also, so shots are what you consider the crossover into alcoholism? Because that's ridiculous. There is generally a shot or more in every mixed drink. It's the same thing as having a rum and coke.




    I am just as shocked as you that they do celebratory shots in the receiving line. When I was told stories of other weddings (before we were engaged) I had a look of horror on my face (they laughed at it). I knew then that there was no way in hell we were doing a receiving line to encourage that. So far so good. I'm sure someone will freak out, but I don't care. No receiving line, no celebratory shots in the cocktail hour.

    I have always found shots to be stupid. I really don't see the point of them. They are just a gateway to drunkenness. Mixing makes the drink last somewhat longer and doesn't have the person ingesting it in one solitary go.

    Or you could, just, know you, have a receiving line and not have shots. 
    ashley8918theartistformerlyknownasflbride2015


  • Thanks for the unsolicited advice. Welcome to the interwebz.  Until I know you in person, I will not take your opinion under advisement.   Then why are you posting on an internet message board?  You aren't here seeking any kind of wedding planning advice or information from others?  I know that in this particular instance you aren't the OP, but you don't want any wedding related advice?  If you think I'm rage filled, you're wrong. But that's okay. It doesn't bother me.  I do think you have rage issues because of how many times you referred to family and friends as "stupid" "morons" etc. and by how resentful you come across as having to host an open bar due to your FI and your FILs.  And other posters here are picking up on those same things, so I'm not wrong.  But you can think otherwise.


    In this one aspect of the wedding, hellz ya I'm resentful. But I won on other aspects. I'm down with the whole card box thing right now (and even asked advice on something... shocking I know). Alcohol is an extremely touchy issue. But why don't we go talk cake or flowers or something... there not so much. Everyone has their hot points. This is one of them for me. What is it for you?
    Ok good, you admit it!

    Since alcohol is this touchy a subject of you and you are so against it, I wonder why you choose to give in on this issue, instead of standing your ground?  And why wouldn't your FI support you on this?

    What on Earth were the other two hills you refused to die on?
    This. I cannot imagine anything about which you could possibly be more vehemently against, so why did you not choose THIS to be one of your hills? Because... if I hated something this much, it would not only be a hill I'd die on, but I'd die on it screaming THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!!1!!!1!!!!!!! because seriously I cannot imagine being this riled up over something. 

    ETA: I see where you answered this question earlier. And... yeah, no. I think I would have let one of those go. This is clearly a MUCH bigger issue.


    Actually, it's a smaller issue than the IL interference. My FH wanted social drinking and agreed to put some limitations on it as a compromise. If people behave with alcohol I'm fine. It's the ones that I know won't behave (and that is the minority) that scare me. I don't tolerate fools well and the people who drink excessively fall into that category. So because my FH wants the bar, we're having it. There are other things we're having that he's fine with because I want them. It's a compromise. One I don't like very much but I couldn't put my foot down completely on this one.
  • MagicInk said:

    banana468 said:



    Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 


    Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.



    Why does alcohol make a party a hell of a lot better? I have never understood this sentiment.  Do you like to drink?  Honest question.  If you do not, no one will be able to explain this statement to you.  It would be akin to a person who always wanted to and chose to have children explaining to a person who has never wanted and chose to be child free why kids are the best thing ever.

    Where do I draw the line? It depends on the person and how much I trust them. My FH or my best friend can probably get away with a couple more than the average person. I just think multiple drinks at any time is just excessive... just like I think eating an entire cake is excessive. Actually, I think one person eating an entire cake in one sitting is pretty stupid too.

    I believe in this thing called moderation, which few people seem to adhere to in social settings. Not to mention a lot of people consider weddings with open bars a time to completely lose their shit because they aren't paying for it (directly quoting quite a few conversations over the years).   And those are shitty or juvenile- as in young- people who are not actually representative of the majority of social drinkers.  So you are extrapolating the behavior of a few gross people out onto the wider population of people who like to drink socially- which is called a sweeping generalization.

    Do your FILs have a drinking problem?  Are they actually alcoholics?  Or do they just drink too much in your opinion?  How about your FI?  I'm only asking because your FIL's and your FI are the ones that really wanted the open bar, right?

    image



    I drink very rarely and if I do it's one and then I'm done. I get wicked migraines from alcohol so most of the time it's just not worth the bother. I am usually the DD, which is fine because I know people get home safe but also a drag when it comes to dealing with some people.

    Are there drinking issues in my ILs families? Yes. Do I think they drink too much? Yes. It's a focus point of all celebrations. They do celebratory shots (which is why we are not doing a receiving line or having them available in the cocktail hour) at all occasions. I just think this is ridiculous to have that much alcohol be that much of a focus. My family has alcohol but it is not a focal point. I think having a normal drink and then having shots on top of that is excessive. This is a normal cultural thing for them. For me, it is an uncomfortable awkward thing to sit through. I generally "take the air" when this shit starts.


     

    What the fuck does a receiving line have to do with taking shots?



    Also, so shots are what you consider the crossover into alcoholism? Because that's ridiculous. There is generally a shot or more in every mixed drink. It's the same thing as having a rum and coke.
    Man we did shots DURING THE CEREMONY. Girl would've lost her damn mind. They are up there DRINKING while they are GETTING MARRIED!!! 

    Jeeves! Fetching me my smelling salts! I am about to faint!
    I am glad you did something that you thought was appropriate for your ceremony. No need for smelling salts for me. I find it strange that you'd do shots while getting married, but whatever. That's your wedding, not mine.
  • MagicInk said:

    banana468 said:



    Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 


    Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.



    Why does alcohol make a party a hell of a lot better? I have never understood this sentiment.  Do you like to drink?  Honest question.  If you do not, no one will be able to explain this statement to you.  It would be akin to a person who always wanted to and chose to have children explaining to a person who has never wanted and chose to be child free why kids are the best thing ever.

    Where do I draw the line? It depends on the person and how much I trust them. My FH or my best friend can probably get away with a couple more than the average person. I just think multiple drinks at any time is just excessive... just like I think eating an entire cake is excessive. Actually, I think one person eating an entire cake in one sitting is pretty stupid too.

    I believe in this thing called moderation, which few people seem to adhere to in social settings. Not to mention a lot of people consider weddings with open bars a time to completely lose their shit because they aren't paying for it (directly quoting quite a few conversations over the years).   And those are shitty or juvenile- as in young- people who are not actually representative of the majority of social drinkers.  So you are extrapolating the behavior of a few gross people out onto the wider population of people who like to drink socially- which is called a sweeping generalization.

    Do your FILs have a drinking problem?  Are they actually alcoholics?  Or do they just drink too much in your opinion?  How about your FI?  I'm only asking because your FIL's and your FI are the ones that really wanted the open bar, right?

    image



    I drink very rarely and if I do it's one and then I'm done. I get wicked migraines from alcohol so most of the time it's just not worth the bother. I am usually the DD, which is fine because I know people get home safe but also a drag when it comes to dealing with some people.

    Are there drinking issues in my ILs families? Yes. Do I think they drink too much? Yes. It's a focus point of all celebrations. They do celebratory shots (which is why we are not doing a receiving line or having them available in the cocktail hour) at all occasions. I just think this is ridiculous to have that much alcohol be that much of a focus. My family has alcohol but it is not a focal point. I think having a normal drink and then having shots on top of that is excessive. This is a normal cultural thing for them. For me, it is an uncomfortable awkward thing to sit through. I generally "take the air" when this shit starts.


     

    What the fuck does a receiving line have to do with taking shots?



    Also, so shots are what you consider the crossover into alcoholism? Because that's ridiculous. There is generally a shot or more in every mixed drink. It's the same thing as having a rum and coke.




    I am just as shocked as you that they do celebratory shots in the receiving line. When I was told stories of other weddings (before we were engaged) I had a look of horror on my face (they laughed at it). I knew then that there was no way in hell we were doing a receiving line to encourage that. So far so good. I'm sure someone will freak out, but I don't care. No receiving line, no celebratory shots in the cocktail hour.

    I have always found shots to be stupid. I really don't see the point of them. They are just a gateway to drunkenness. Mixing makes the drink last somewhat longer and doesn't have the person ingesting it in one solitary go.

    NOT DRUNKNESS!!!! OH LORDY LORDY LORDY!!! THE DRUNKNESS!!!!!!

    Boy you really paid attention in your DARE class didn't you? You know I've heard pot be called a gateway drug. But "gateway drunkenness" that's a new one.



    What other reason is there to do shots than to consume large amounts of alcohol in a shot amount of time? None as far as I can see. There are far more pleasurable ways to consume alcohol if it's consumed at all. But please, tell me what's good about drinking shots?
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper

    MagicInk said:

    banana468 said:



    Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 


    Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.



    Why does alcohol make a party a hell of a lot better? I have never understood this sentiment.  Do you like to drink?  Honest question.  If you do not, no one will be able to explain this statement to you.  It would be akin to a person who always wanted to and chose to have children explaining to a person who has never wanted and chose to be child free why kids are the best thing ever.

    Where do I draw the line? It depends on the person and how much I trust them. My FH or my best friend can probably get away with a couple more than the average person. I just think multiple drinks at any time is just excessive... just like I think eating an entire cake is excessive. Actually, I think one person eating an entire cake in one sitting is pretty stupid too.

    I believe in this thing called moderation, which few people seem to adhere to in social settings. Not to mention a lot of people consider weddings with open bars a time to completely lose their shit because they aren't paying for it (directly quoting quite a few conversations over the years).   And those are shitty or juvenile- as in young- people who are not actually representative of the majority of social drinkers.  So you are extrapolating the behavior of a few gross people out onto the wider population of people who like to drink socially- which is called a sweeping generalization.

    Do your FILs have a drinking problem?  Are they actually alcoholics?  Or do they just drink too much in your opinion?  How about your FI?  I'm only asking because your FIL's and your FI are the ones that really wanted the open bar, right?

    image



    I drink very rarely and if I do it's one and then I'm done. I get wicked migraines from alcohol so most of the time it's just not worth the bother. I am usually the DD, which is fine because I know people get home safe but also a drag when it comes to dealing with some people.

    Are there drinking issues in my ILs families? Yes. Do I think they drink too much? Yes. It's a focus point of all celebrations. They do celebratory shots (which is why we are not doing a receiving line or having them available in the cocktail hour) at all occasions. I just think this is ridiculous to have that much alcohol be that much of a focus. My family has alcohol but it is not a focal point. I think having a normal drink and then having shots on top of that is excessive. This is a normal cultural thing for them. For me, it is an uncomfortable awkward thing to sit through. I generally "take the air" when this shit starts.


     

    What the fuck does a receiving line have to do with taking shots?



    Also, so shots are what you consider the crossover into alcoholism? Because that's ridiculous. There is generally a shot or more in every mixed drink. It's the same thing as having a rum and coke.
    Man we did shots DURING THE CEREMONY. Girl would've lost her damn mind. They are up there DRINKING while they are GETTING MARRIED!!! 

    Jeeves! Fetching me my smelling salts! I am about to faint!
    I am glad you did something that you thought was appropriate for your ceremony. No need for smelling salts for me. I find it strange that you'd do shots while getting married, but whatever. That's your wedding, not mine.
    We had a unity cocktail ceremony. Easier to do make and quickly drink in shot form, then an actual cocktail would've been.
    redoryx
  • esstee33 said:

    banana468 said:



    Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 


    Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.



    Why does alcohol make a party a hell of a lot better? I have never understood this sentiment.  Do you like to drink?  Honest question.  If you do not, no one will be able to explain this statement to you.  It would be akin to a person who always wanted to and chose to have children explaining to a person who has never wanted and chose to be child free why kids are the best thing ever.

    Where do I draw the line? It depends on the person and how much I trust them. My FH or my best friend can probably get away with a couple more than the average person. I just think multiple drinks at any time is just excessive... just like I think eating an entire cake is excessive. Actually, I think one person eating an entire cake in one sitting is pretty stupid too.

    I believe in this thing called moderation, which few people seem to adhere to in social settings. Not to mention a lot of people consider weddings with open bars a time to completely lose their shit because they aren't paying for it (directly quoting quite a few conversations over the years).   And those are shitty or juvenile- as in young- people who are not actually representative of the majority of social drinkers.  So you are extrapolating the behavior of a few gross people out onto the wider population of people who like to drink socially- which is called a sweeping generalization.

    Do your FILs have a drinking problem?  Are they actually alcoholics?  Or do they just drink too much in your opinion?  How about your FI?  I'm only asking because your FIL's and your FI are the ones that really wanted the open bar, right?

    image



    I drink very rarely and if I do it's one and then I'm done. I get wicked migraines from alcohol so most of the time it's just not worth the bother. I am usually the DD, which is fine because I know people get home safe but also a drag when it comes to dealing with some people.

    Are there drinking issues in my ILs families? Yes. Do I think they drink too much? Yes. It's a focus point of all celebrations. They do celebratory shots (which is why we are not doing a receiving line or having them available in the cocktail hour) at all occasions. I just think this is ridiculous to have that much alcohol be that much of a focus. My family has alcohol but it is not a focal point. I think having a normal drink and then having shots on top of that is excessive. This is a normal cultural thing for them. For me, it is an uncomfortable awkward thing to sit through. I generally "take the air" when this shit starts.


     

    What the fuck does a receiving line have to do with taking shots?



    Also, so shots are what you consider the crossover into alcoholism? Because that's ridiculous. There is generally a shot or more in every mixed drink. It's the same thing as having a rum and coke.




    I am just as shocked as you that they do celebratory shots in the receiving line. When I was told stories of other weddings (before we were engaged) I had a look of horror on my face (they laughed at it). I knew then that there was no way in hell we were doing a receiving line to encourage that. So far so good. I'm sure someone will freak out, but I don't care. No receiving line, no celebratory shots in the cocktail hour.

    I have always found shots to be stupid. I really don't see the point of them. They are just a gateway to drunkenness. Mixing makes the drink last somewhat longer and doesn't have the person ingesting it in one solitary go.

    Or you could, just, know you, have a receiving line and not have shots. 

    I mentioned that idea... so did not fly well. "That's not how it's done in our culture" was the defense so I don't trust them not to pull a fast one. Thus, just avoiding the issue all together and killing the receiving line. Which is fine, since receiving lines are boring and tedious. I'd much rather walk around and greet everyone face to face during dinner instead of greeting them in a factory line manner.
  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Our caterer bought glass shot glasses to use for my wedding (they typically use plastic ones) because we told him plastic ones would not sink properly for the Irish car bombs. The bartender was having such a good time with us that he ended up take a shot with us as the end of the night. Clearly, we're all functioning alcoholics.
    ~*~*~*~*~

    ashley8918VulgarGirlredoryx
  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2015

    MagicInk said:

    banana468 said:



    Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 


    Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.



    Why does alcohol make a party a hell of a lot better? I have never understood this sentiment.  Do you like to drink?  Honest question.  If you do not, no one will be able to explain this statement to you.  It would be akin to a person who always wanted to and chose to have children explaining to a person who has never wanted and chose to be child free why kids are the best thing ever.

    Where do I draw the line? It depends on the person and how much I trust them. My FH or my best friend can probably get away with a couple more than the average person. I just think multiple drinks at any time is just excessive... just like I think eating an entire cake is excessive. Actually, I think one person eating an entire cake in one sitting is pretty stupid too.

    I believe in this thing called moderation, which few people seem to adhere to in social settings. Not to mention a lot of people consider weddings with open bars a time to completely lose their shit because they aren't paying for it (directly quoting quite a few conversations over the years).   And those are shitty or juvenile- as in young- people who are not actually representative of the majority of social drinkers.  So you are extrapolating the behavior of a few gross people out onto the wider population of people who like to drink socially- which is called a sweeping generalization.

    Do your FILs have a drinking problem?  Are they actually alcoholics?  Or do they just drink too much in your opinion?  How about your FI?  I'm only asking because your FIL's and your FI are the ones that really wanted the open bar, right?

    image



    I drink very rarely and if I do it's one and then I'm done. I get wicked migraines from alcohol so most of the time it's just not worth the bother. I am usually the DD, which is fine because I know people get home safe but also a drag when it comes to dealing with some people.

    Are there drinking issues in my ILs families? Yes. Do I think they drink too much? Yes. It's a focus point of all celebrations. They do celebratory shots (which is why we are not doing a receiving line or having them available in the cocktail hour) at all occasions. I just think this is ridiculous to have that much alcohol be that much of a focus. My family has alcohol but it is not a focal point. I think having a normal drink and then having shots on top of that is excessive. This is a normal cultural thing for them. For me, it is an uncomfortable awkward thing to sit through. I generally "take the air" when this shit starts.


     

    What the fuck does a receiving line have to do with taking shots?



    Also, so shots are what you consider the crossover into alcoholism? Because that's ridiculous. There is generally a shot or more in every mixed drink. It's the same thing as having a rum and coke.




    I am just as shocked as you that they do celebratory shots in the receiving line. When I was told stories of other weddings (before we were engaged) I had a look of horror on my face (they laughed at it). I knew then that there was no way in hell we were doing a receiving line to encourage that. So far so good. I'm sure someone will freak out, but I don't care. No receiving line, no celebratory shots in the cocktail hour.

    I have always found shots to be stupid. I really don't see the point of them. They are just a gateway to drunkenness. Mixing makes the drink last somewhat longer and doesn't have the person ingesting it in one solitary go.

    NOT DRUNKNESS!!!! OH LORDY LORDY LORDY!!! THE DRUNKNESS!!!!!!

    Boy you really paid attention in your DARE class didn't you? You know I've heard pot be called a gateway drug. But "gateway drunkenness" that's a new one.

    What other reason is there to do shots than to consume large amounts of alcohol in a shot amount of time? None as far as I can see. There are far more pleasurable ways to consume alcohol if it's consumed at all. But please, tell me what's good about drinking shots?


    ---------------------------------------------


    See above. I don't drink pop or juice, or really anything sugary. Shots are pleasurable to me.
  • esstee33 said:

    banana468 said:



    Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 


    Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.



    Why does alcohol make a party a hell of a lot better? I have never understood this sentiment.  Do you like to drink?  Honest question.  If you do not, no one will be able to explain this statement to you.  It would be akin to a person who always wanted to and chose to have children explaining to a person who has never wanted and chose to be child free why kids are the best thing ever.

    Where do I draw the line? It depends on the person and how much I trust them. My FH or my best friend can probably get away with a couple more than the average person. I just think multiple drinks at any time is just excessive... just like I think eating an entire cake is excessive. Actually, I think one person eating an entire cake in one sitting is pretty stupid too.

    I believe in this thing called moderation, which few people seem to adhere to in social settings. Not to mention a lot of people consider weddings with open bars a time to completely lose their shit because they aren't paying for it (directly quoting quite a few conversations over the years).   And those are shitty or juvenile- as in young- people who are not actually representative of the majority of social drinkers.  So you are extrapolating the behavior of a few gross people out onto the wider population of people who like to drink socially- which is called a sweeping generalization.

    Do your FILs have a drinking problem?  Are they actually alcoholics?  Or do they just drink too much in your opinion?  How about your FI?  I'm only asking because your FIL's and your FI are the ones that really wanted the open bar, right?

    image



    I drink very rarely and if I do it's one and then I'm done. I get wicked migraines from alcohol so most of the time it's just not worth the bother. I am usually the DD, which is fine because I know people get home safe but also a drag when it comes to dealing with some people.

    Are there drinking issues in my ILs families? Yes. Do I think they drink too much? Yes. It's a focus point of all celebrations. They do celebratory shots (which is why we are not doing a receiving line or having them available in the cocktail hour) at all occasions. I just think this is ridiculous to have that much alcohol be that much of a focus. My family has alcohol but it is not a focal point. I think having a normal drink and then having shots on top of that is excessive. This is a normal cultural thing for them. For me, it is an uncomfortable awkward thing to sit through. I generally "take the air" when this shit starts.


     

    What the fuck does a receiving line have to do with taking shots?



    Also, so shots are what you consider the crossover into alcoholism? Because that's ridiculous. There is generally a shot or more in every mixed drink. It's the same thing as having a rum and coke.




    I am just as shocked as you that they do celebratory shots in the receiving line. When I was told stories of other weddings (before we were engaged) I had a look of horror on my face (they laughed at it). I knew then that there was no way in hell we were doing a receiving line to encourage that. So far so good. I'm sure someone will freak out, but I don't care. No receiving line, no celebratory shots in the cocktail hour.

    I have always found shots to be stupid. I really don't see the point of them. They are just a gateway to drunkenness. Mixing makes the drink last somewhat longer and doesn't have the person ingesting it in one solitary go.

    Or you could, just, know you, have a receiving line and not have shots. 

    I mentioned that idea... so did not fly well. "That's not how it's done in our culture" was the defense so I don't trust them not to pull a fast one. Thus, just avoiding the issue all together and killing the receiving line. Which is fine, since receiving lines are boring and tedious. I'd much rather walk around and greet everyone face to face during dinner instead of greeting them in a factory line manner.
    Out of curiosity, what culture are they?
    PrettyGirlLost


  • Thanks for the unsolicited advice. Welcome to the interwebz.  Until I know you in person, I will not take your opinion under advisement.   Then why are you posting on an internet message board?  You aren't here seeking any kind of wedding planning advice or information from others?  I know that in this particular instance you aren't the OP, but you don't want any wedding related advice?  If you think I'm rage filled, you're wrong. But that's okay. It doesn't bother me.  I do think you have rage issues because of how many times you referred to family and friends as "stupid" "morons" etc. and by how resentful you come across as having to host an open bar due to your FI and your FILs.  And other posters here are picking up on those same things, so I'm not wrong.  But you can think otherwise.


    In this one aspect of the wedding, hellz ya I'm resentful. But I won on other aspects. I'm down with the whole card box thing right now (and even asked advice on something... shocking I know). Alcohol is an extremely touchy issue. But why don't we go talk cake or flowers or something... there not so much. Everyone has their hot points. This is one of them for me. What is it for you?
    Ok good, you admit it!

    Since alcohol is this touchy a subject of you and you are so against it, I wonder why you choose to give in on this issue, instead of standing your ground?  And why wouldn't your FI support you on this?

    What on Earth were the other two hills you refused to die on?



    The location and marrying in the church. Those were much bigger hills to die on. Their attempts to get their way were impressive.

    Why didn't FH support me in a dry wedding? Because he likes to drink socially and he knew it would be a big bone of contention. I gave in as long as he promised some control over it. So far, so good. And it's his wedding to, it's not all about me.

    OK, makes sense.

    But you do realize that it is not your job, or your FI's job to police how much guests drink at your reception, right?  Professional bartenders are already legally bound to handle this.  So just trust them to do their job, and don't try and give them your own set of rules to follow as far as when someone has had too much.  That's not for you to determine, that's for the bartenders.
    True, but as hosts I am allowed to dictate what is served at what point of the event. Shots are out at the beginning of the event. After dinner once people have actually eaten? Slightly more tolerable. But still ridiculous and unnecessary.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer



    Thanks for the unsolicited advice. Welcome to the interwebz.  Until I know you in person, I will not take your opinion under advisement.   Then why are you posting on an internet message board?  You aren't here seeking any kind of wedding planning advice or information from others?  I know that in this particular instance you aren't the OP, but you don't want any wedding related advice?  If you think I'm rage filled, you're wrong. But that's okay. It doesn't bother me.  I do think you have rage issues because of how many times you referred to family and friends as "stupid" "morons" etc. and by how resentful you come across as having to host an open bar due to your FI and your FILs.  And other posters here are picking up on those same things, so I'm not wrong.  But you can think otherwise.


    In this one aspect of the wedding, hellz ya I'm resentful. But I won on other aspects. I'm down with the whole card box thing right now (and even asked advice on something... shocking I know). Alcohol is an extremely touchy issue. But why don't we go talk cake or flowers or something... there not so much. Everyone has their hot points. This is one of them for me. What is it for you?
    Ok good, you admit it!

    Since alcohol is this touchy a subject of you and you are so against it, I wonder why you choose to give in on this issue, instead of standing your ground?  And why wouldn't your FI support you on this?

    What on Earth were the other two hills you refused to die on?
    This. I cannot imagine anything about which you could possibly be more vehemently against, so why did you not choose THIS to be one of your hills? Because... if I hated something this much, it would not only be a hill I'd die on, but I'd die on it screaming THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!!1!!!1!!!!!!! because seriously I cannot imagine being this riled up over something. 

    ETA: I see where you answered this question earlier. And... yeah, no. I think I would have let one of those go. This is clearly a MUCH bigger issue.
    Actually, it's a smaller issue than the IL interference. My FH wanted social drinking and agreed to put some limitations on it as a compromise. If people behave with alcohol I'm fine. It's the ones that I know won't behave (and that is the minority) that scare me. I don't tolerate fools well and the people who drink excessively fall into that category. So because my FH wants the bar, we're having it. There are other things we're having that he's fine with because I want them. It's a compromise. One I don't like very much but I couldn't put my foot down completely on this one.


    So do you need to invite these people at all?  Who are they in relation to you?  How many?  What exactly do they do while drunk that is so awful?

    As long as they don't start a physical altercation or grope anyone, honestly there's really nothing they can do to really ruin your reception unless you LET them effect you in that manner.  Well ok, spilling a drink on your dress would be just awful, but even a sober klutz could do that!

    Just think about it.  Say they get falling down drunk. . . how does that actually effect you directly?  If it's just that they annoy you, you can work on not getting annoyed.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    ashley8918cupcait927mrsdee15lightningsnow
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer



    Thanks for the unsolicited advice. Welcome to the interwebz.  Until I know you in person, I will not take your opinion under advisement.   Then why are you posting on an internet message board?  You aren't here seeking any kind of wedding planning advice or information from others?  I know that in this particular instance you aren't the OP, but you don't want any wedding related advice?  If you think I'm rage filled, you're wrong. But that's okay. It doesn't bother me.  I do think you have rage issues because of how many times you referred to family and friends as "stupid" "morons" etc. and by how resentful you come across as having to host an open bar due to your FI and your FILs.  And other posters here are picking up on those same things, so I'm not wrong.  But you can think otherwise.


    In this one aspect of the wedding, hellz ya I'm resentful. But I won on other aspects. I'm down with the whole card box thing right now (and even asked advice on something... shocking I know). Alcohol is an extremely touchy issue. But why don't we go talk cake or flowers or something... there not so much. Everyone has their hot points. This is one of them for me. What is it for you?
    Ok good, you admit it!

    Since alcohol is this touchy a subject of you and you are so against it, I wonder why you choose to give in on this issue, instead of standing your ground?  And why wouldn't your FI support you on this?

    What on Earth were the other two hills you refused to die on?



    The location and marrying in the church. Those were much bigger hills to die on. Their attempts to get their way were impressive.

    Why didn't FH support me in a dry wedding? Because he likes to drink socially and he knew it would be a big bone of contention. I gave in as long as he promised some control over it. So far, so good. And it's his wedding to, it's not all about me.

    OK, makes sense.

    But you do realize that it is not your job, or your FI's job to police how much guests drink at your reception, right?  Professional bartenders are already legally bound to handle this.  So just trust them to do their job, and don't try and give them your own set of rules to follow as far as when someone has had too much.  That's not for you to determine, that's for the bartenders.
    True, but as hosts I am allowed to dictate what is served at what point of the event. Shots are out at the beginning of the event. After dinner once people have actually eaten? Slightly more tolerable. But still ridiculous and unnecessary.
    Having a limited bar is just fine.  We only served beer, wine, and a signature cocktail.  No shots at all.

    I just meant that you shouldn't be dictating to the bartenders who to cut off and when- that's their job.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    MagicInk said:

    banana468 said:



    Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 


    Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.



    Why does alcohol make a party a hell of a lot better? I have never understood this sentiment.  Do you like to drink?  Honest question.  If you do not, no one will be able to explain this statement to you.  It would be akin to a person who always wanted to and chose to have children explaining to a person who has never wanted and chose to be child free why kids are the best thing ever.

    Where do I draw the line? It depends on the person and how much I trust them. My FH or my best friend can probably get away with a couple more than the average person. I just think multiple drinks at any time is just excessive... just like I think eating an entire cake is excessive. Actually, I think one person eating an entire cake in one sitting is pretty stupid too.

    I believe in this thing called moderation, which few people seem to adhere to in social settings. Not to mention a lot of people consider weddings with open bars a time to completely lose their shit because they aren't paying for it (directly quoting quite a few conversations over the years).   And those are shitty or juvenile- as in young- people who are not actually representative of the majority of social drinkers.  So you are extrapolating the behavior of a few gross people out onto the wider population of people who like to drink socially- which is called a sweeping generalization.

    Do your FILs have a drinking problem?  Are they actually alcoholics?  Or do they just drink too much in your opinion?  How about your FI?  I'm only asking because your FIL's and your FI are the ones that really wanted the open bar, right?

    image



    I drink very rarely and if I do it's one and then I'm done. I get wicked migraines from alcohol so most of the time it's just not worth the bother. I am usually the DD, which is fine because I know people get home safe but also a drag when it comes to dealing with some people.

    Are there drinking issues in my ILs families? Yes. Do I think they drink too much? Yes. It's a focus point of all celebrations. They do celebratory shots (which is why we are not doing a receiving line or having them available in the cocktail hour) at all occasions. I just think this is ridiculous to have that much alcohol be that much of a focus. My family has alcohol but it is not a focal point. I think having a normal drink and then having shots on top of that is excessive. This is a normal cultural thing for them. For me, it is an uncomfortable awkward thing to sit through. I generally "take the air" when this shit starts.


     

    What the fuck does a receiving line have to do with taking shots?



    Also, so shots are what you consider the crossover into alcoholism? Because that's ridiculous. There is generally a shot or more in every mixed drink. It's the same thing as having a rum and coke.




    I am just as shocked as you that they do celebratory shots in the receiving line. When I was told stories of other weddings (before we were engaged) I had a look of horror on my face (they laughed at it). I knew then that there was no way in hell we were doing a receiving line to encourage that. So far so good. I'm sure someone will freak out, but I don't care. No receiving line, no celebratory shots in the cocktail hour.

    I have always found shots to be stupid. I really don't see the point of them. They are just a gateway to drunkenness. Mixing makes the drink last somewhat longer and doesn't have the person ingesting it in one solitary go.

    NOT DRUNKNESS!!!! OH LORDY LORDY LORDY!!! THE DRUNKNESS!!!!!!

    Boy you really paid attention in your DARE class didn't you? You know I've heard pot be called a gateway drug. But "gateway drunkenness" that's a new one.

    What other reason is there to do shots than to consume large amounts of alcohol in a shot amount of time? None as far as I can see. There are far more pleasurable ways to consume alcohol if it's consumed at all. But please, tell me what's good about drinking shots?

    The main reason people do shots are because they taste good.  There are some crazy, clever shots out there.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    ashley8918redoryxmrsdee15
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2015

    esstee33 said:

    banana468 said:



    Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 


    Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.



    Why does alcohol make a party a hell of a lot better? I have never understood this sentiment.  Do you like to drink?  Honest question.  If you do not, no one will be able to explain this statement to you.  It would be akin to a person who always wanted to and chose to have children explaining to a person who has never wanted and chose to be child free why kids are the best thing ever.

    Where do I draw the line? It depends on the person and how much I trust them. My FH or my best friend can probably get away with a couple more than the average person. I just think multiple drinks at any time is just excessive... just like I think eating an entire cake is excessive. Actually, I think one person eating an entire cake in one sitting is pretty stupid too.

    I believe in this thing called moderation, which few people seem to adhere to in social settings. Not to mention a lot of people consider weddings with open bars a time to completely lose their shit because they aren't paying for it (directly quoting quite a few conversations over the years).   And those are shitty or juvenile- as in young- people who are not actually representative of the majority of social drinkers.  So you are extrapolating the behavior of a few gross people out onto the wider population of people who like to drink socially- which is called a sweeping generalization.

    Do your FILs have a drinking problem?  Are they actually alcoholics?  Or do they just drink too much in your opinion?  How about your FI?  I'm only asking because your FIL's and your FI are the ones that really wanted the open bar, right?

    image



    I drink very rarely and if I do it's one and then I'm done. I get wicked migraines from alcohol so most of the time it's just not worth the bother. I am usually the DD, which is fine because I know people get home safe but also a drag when it comes to dealing with some people.

    Are there drinking issues in my ILs families? Yes. Do I think they drink too much? Yes. It's a focus point of all celebrations. They do celebratory shots (which is why we are not doing a receiving line or having them available in the cocktail hour) at all occasions. I just think this is ridiculous to have that much alcohol be that much of a focus. My family has alcohol but it is not a focal point. I think having a normal drink and then having shots on top of that is excessive. This is a normal cultural thing for them. For me, it is an uncomfortable awkward thing to sit through. I generally "take the air" when this shit starts.


     

    What the fuck does a receiving line have to do with taking shots?



    Also, so shots are what you consider the crossover into alcoholism? Because that's ridiculous. There is generally a shot or more in every mixed drink. It's the same thing as having a rum and coke.




    I am just as shocked as you that they do celebratory shots in the receiving line. When I was told stories of other weddings (before we were engaged) I had a look of horror on my face (they laughed at it). I knew then that there was no way in hell we were doing a receiving line to encourage that. So far so good. I'm sure someone will freak out, but I don't care. No receiving line, no celebratory shots in the cocktail hour.

    I have always found shots to be stupid. I really don't see the point of them. They are just a gateway to drunkenness. Mixing makes the drink last somewhat longer and doesn't have the person ingesting it in one solitary go.

    Or you could, just, know you, have a receiving line and not have shots. 

    I mentioned that idea... so did not fly well. "That's not how it's done in our culture" was the defense so I don't trust them not to pull a fast one. Thus, just avoiding the issue all together and killing the receiving line. Which is fine, since receiving lines are boring and tedious. I'd much rather walk around and greet everyone face to face during dinner instead of greeting them in a factory line manner.
    Dollar dances are super common in my family, and yet I didn't have one, because they're rude as hell. Just because something is common in their culture doesn't mean it has to be done. 

    Who is paying for your wedding? Why are you even inviting these assholes? If you say "I'm not comfortable with X," good people, supportive friends and family (AND THIS INCLUDES YOUR FI) say "OK, we don't have to do that." They don't force you to compromise about something you clearly have very deep emotional and psychological issues with. 
    redoryxPrettyGirlLostVulgarGirlmrsdee15
  • banana468 said:



    Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 


    Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.



    Why does alcohol make a party a hell of a lot better? I have never understood this sentiment.  Do you like to drink?  Honest question.  If you do not, no one will be able to explain this statement to you.  It would be akin to a person who always wanted to and chose to have children explaining to a person who has never wanted and chose to be child free why kids are the best thing ever.

    Where do I draw the line? It depends on the person and how much I trust them. My FH or my best friend can probably get away with a couple more than the average person. I just think multiple drinks at any time is just excessive... just like I think eating an entire cake is excessive. Actually, I think one person eating an entire cake in one sitting is pretty stupid too.

    I believe in this thing called moderation, which few people seem to adhere to in social settings. Not to mention a lot of people consider weddings with open bars a time to completely lose their shit because they aren't paying for it (directly quoting quite a few conversations over the years).   And those are shitty or juvenile- as in young- people who are not actually representative of the majority of social drinkers.  So you are extrapolating the behavior of a few gross people out onto the wider population of people who like to drink socially- which is called a sweeping generalization.

    Do your FILs have a drinking problem?  Are they actually alcoholics?  Or do they just drink too much in your opinion?  How about your FI?  I'm only asking because your FIL's and your FI are the ones that really wanted the open bar, right?

    image



    I drink very rarely and if I do it's one and then I'm done. I get wicked migraines from alcohol so most of the time it's just not worth the bother. I am usually the DD, which is fine because I know people get home safe but also a drag when it comes to dealing with some people.

    Are there drinking issues in my ILs families? Yes. Do I think they drink too much? Yes. It's a focus point of all celebrations. They do celebratory shots (which is why we are not doing a receiving line or having them available in the cocktail hour) at all occasions. I just think this is ridiculous to have that much alcohol be that much of a focus. My family has alcohol but it is not a focal point. I think having a normal drink and then having shots on top of that is excessive. This is a normal cultural thing for them. For me, it is an uncomfortable awkward thing to sit through. I generally "take the air" when this shit starts.


     

    What the fuck does a receiving line have to do with taking shots?



    Also, so shots are what you consider the crossover into alcoholism? Because that's ridiculous. There is generally a shot or more in every mixed drink. It's the same thing as having a rum and coke.




    I am just as shocked as you that they do celebratory shots in the receiving line. When I was told stories of other weddings (before we were engaged) I had a look of horror on my face (they laughed at it). I knew then that there was no way in hell we were doing a receiving line to encourage that. So far so good. I'm sure someone will freak out, but I don't care. No receiving line, no celebratory shots in the cocktail hour.

    I have always found shots to be stupid. I really don't see the point of them. They are just a gateway to drunkenness. Mixing makes the drink last somewhat longer and doesn't have the person ingesting it in one solitary go.


    I'm not "shocked" it just has nothing to do with a receiving line. A receiving line exists to personally thank everyone for coming.

    And who the fuck cares how they want to celebrate? Holy shit. You are so incredibly overbearing and judgmental, I'm surprised you have anyone to invite.

    I like shots. I dont drink sugary shit like pop and juice, so I prefer to just drink it straight. OMG, I MUST BE AN ALCOHOLIC.

    Stop pushing your issues onto other people and get some god damned therapy.

    There are more than receiving lines to personally thank people for coming. I am avoiding a potentially volatile issue by choosing a different method.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    What culture are your FI and his FIL's?  Is this receiving line thing ACTUALLY a cultural thing or just a his family thing?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    ashley8918mrsdee15
  • esstee33 said:

    banana468 said:



    Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 


    Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.



    Why does alcohol make a party a hell of a lot better? I have never understood this sentiment.  Do you like to drink?  Honest question.  If you do not, no one will be able to explain this statement to you.  It would be akin to a person who always wanted to and chose to have children explaining to a person who has never wanted and chose to be child free why kids are the best thing ever.

    Where do I draw the line? It depends on the person and how much I trust them. My FH or my best friend can probably get away with a couple more than the average person. I just think multiple drinks at any time is just excessive... just like I think eating an entire cake is excessive. Actually, I think one person eating an entire cake in one sitting is pretty stupid too.

    I believe in this thing called moderation, which few people seem to adhere to in social settings. Not to mention a lot of people consider weddings with open bars a time to completely lose their shit because they aren't paying for it (directly quoting quite a few conversations over the years).   And those are shitty or juvenile- as in young- people who are not actually representative of the majority of social drinkers.  So you are extrapolating the behavior of a few gross people out onto the wider population of people who like to drink socially- which is called a sweeping generalization.

    Do your FILs have a drinking problem?  Are they actually alcoholics?  Or do they just drink too much in your opinion?  How about your FI?  I'm only asking because your FIL's and your FI are the ones that really wanted the open bar, right?

    image



    I drink very rarely and if I do it's one and then I'm done. I get wicked migraines from alcohol so most of the time it's just not worth the bother. I am usually the DD, which is fine because I know people get home safe but also a drag when it comes to dealing with some people.

    Are there drinking issues in my ILs families? Yes. Do I think they drink too much? Yes. It's a focus point of all celebrations. They do celebratory shots (which is why we are not doing a receiving line or having them available in the cocktail hour) at all occasions. I just think this is ridiculous to have that much alcohol be that much of a focus. My family has alcohol but it is not a focal point. I think having a normal drink and then having shots on top of that is excessive. This is a normal cultural thing for them. For me, it is an uncomfortable awkward thing to sit through. I generally "take the air" when this shit starts.


     

    What the fuck does a receiving line have to do with taking shots?



    Also, so shots are what you consider the crossover into alcoholism? Because that's ridiculous. There is generally a shot or more in every mixed drink. It's the same thing as having a rum and coke.




    I am just as shocked as you that they do celebratory shots in the receiving line. When I was told stories of other weddings (before we were engaged) I had a look of horror on my face (they laughed at it). I knew then that there was no way in hell we were doing a receiving line to encourage that. So far so good. I'm sure someone will freak out, but I don't care. No receiving line, no celebratory shots in the cocktail hour.

    I have always found shots to be stupid. I really don't see the point of them. They are just a gateway to drunkenness. Mixing makes the drink last somewhat longer and doesn't have the person ingesting it in one solitary go.

    Or you could, just, know you, have a receiving line and not have shots. 

    I mentioned that idea... so did not fly well. "That's not how it's done in our culture" was the defense so I don't trust them not to pull a fast one. Thus, just avoiding the issue all together and killing the receiving line. Which is fine, since receiving lines are boring and tedious. I'd much rather walk around and greet everyone face to face during dinner instead of greeting them in a factory line manner.
    Out of curiosity, what culture are they?
    Eastern European. I have limited experience with the culture in general, so I am not sure how much is family culture or not.
  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2015



    There are more than receiving lines to personally thank people for coming. I am avoiding a potentially volatile issue by choosing a different method.

    Such as? Other than this supposed shots tradition.

    And it's only potentially volatile because you have some clear unresolved issues, and are judgy as fuck.


  • Thanks for the unsolicited advice. Welcome to the interwebz.  Until I know you in person, I will not take your opinion under advisement.   Then why are you posting on an internet message board?  You aren't here seeking any kind of wedding planning advice or information from others?  I know that in this particular instance you aren't the OP, but you don't want any wedding related advice?  If you think I'm rage filled, you're wrong. But that's okay. It doesn't bother me.  I do think you have rage issues because of how many times you referred to family and friends as "stupid" "morons" etc. and by how resentful you come across as having to host an open bar due to your FI and your FILs.  And other posters here are picking up on those same things, so I'm not wrong.  But you can think otherwise.


    In this one aspect of the wedding, hellz ya I'm resentful. But I won on other aspects. I'm down with the whole card box thing right now (and even asked advice on something... shocking I know). Alcohol is an extremely touchy issue. But why don't we go talk cake or flowers or something... there not so much. Everyone has their hot points. This is one of them for me. What is it for you?
    Ok good, you admit it!

    Since alcohol is this touchy a subject of you and you are so against it, I wonder why you choose to give in on this issue, instead of standing your ground?  And why wouldn't your FI support you on this?

    What on Earth were the other two hills you refused to die on?



    The location and marrying in the church. Those were much bigger hills to die on. Their attempts to get their way were impressive.

    Why didn't FH support me in a dry wedding? Because he likes to drink socially and he knew it would be a big bone of contention. I gave in as long as he promised some control over it. So far, so good. And it's his wedding to, it's not all about me.

    OK, makes sense.

    But you do realize that it is not your job, or your FI's job to police how much guests drink at your reception, right?  Professional bartenders are already legally bound to handle this.  So just trust them to do their job, and don't try and give them your own set of rules to follow as far as when someone has had too much.  That's not for you to determine, that's for the bartenders.
    True, but as hosts I am allowed to dictate what is served at what point of the event. Shots are out at the beginning of the event. After dinner once people have actually eaten? Slightly more tolerable. But still ridiculous and unnecessary.
    Having a limited bar is just fine.  We only served beer, wine, and a signature cocktail.  No shots at all.

    I just meant that you shouldn't be dictating to the bartenders who to cut off and when- that's their job.
    They have asked for people who they need to watch more than others. Specifically the question they posed was "are there problem drinkers in your party and can you point them out to us so we know." My DOC knows the list and will coordinate this information with them.
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