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Bar related question

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Re: Bar related question

  • I was going to point out the same thing. I host dinner parties fairly regularly, and we always pop open a few bottles of wine and/or break open some six-packs. Over the course of 3-4 hours, most of my friends will have 2-4 alcoholic drinks. Some will drink more, some will drink less. I don't view any of them as being irresponsible drinkers.



    I'm hosting a party tomorrow. We have alcoholic beverages ready to go. The people coming to that party drink responsibly (have a DD, don't over indulge, etc). But there are always people who do not drink responsibly. since I am the host I am responsible for their safety. You drink in my house, you don't drive. End of story. I don't want to lose a friend to a preventable situation and I don't want the liability of being the host of party that someone left drunk.

    I just don't believe that alcohol is necessary to have a good time and that drinking to get drunk (whether daily or rarely) is one of the stupidest things you can do. Surely alcohol is not the only catalyst to a good time. If it is, what does that say about society?

  • Never said I expected everyone to change, That does not stop me from having the opinion that society is overly obsessed with alcohol.   But it's not.  Can people drink responsibly? Yes. Do most people? The jury's out on that one.   I think you might need a new social circle if truly no one in it ever drinks responsibly and it bothers you this much.  I can understand drinking in moderation to enjoy the drink. I will never understand drinking to get drunk or having to be drunk to have a good time.  Some people enjoy being drunk and others are insecure or have other anxiety issues and drinking helps them overcome those issues.  I know I won't change it, and it would be nice if people stopped trying to change me about this.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • MagicInk said:

    By seeing a therapist or attending a support group? You're not handling your hang ups about alcohol with people who have been there or a train professional? You're just ignoring it hoping it goes away? Blaming other people?

    Honey, that is not handling your shit at all. Putting your issues onto other people is the exact opposite of handling your shit actually.

    I feel no need to share this personal information on a public message board. Think as you like. It does not bother me.
  • No honey, you haven't.  Your views are very close minded, judgmental, and come across as very immature.  From what you have told us, there are a select group of people in your social circle that you believe drink to excess- and maybe they really do, but you don't strike me as a reliable judge of character on this issue.  So you are projecting your issues with that group of people onto everyone who enjoys drinking.  That is the definition of a sweeping generalization, and it is very off base.

    You also seem to be very hostile towards people you claim are your friends and family, calling them stupid, morons, etc over and over again in your posts.  Man do you have rage and resentment issues.

    I suggest you deal with those issues by talking to your FI, because it seems he's part of the problem, right?  You had to give in to him and his family and host an open bar right?

    And if you are actually seeing a therapist, I think you need to discuss this rage, resentment, and your attitude on alcohol with them.  Why do I ask?  Because you're coming across as a person who would greatly benefit from sorting through those issues.  It's not fun to go through life upset and stressed.  Everyone should be able to enjot life and be happy.

    But don't listen to anything I say, because clearly I'm not trying to help you ><

    Now, how was me telling you to get the stick out of your ass reflective of people drinking, which was the greater issue we were discussing?  Oh, It's not.  ><
    Thanks for the unsolicited advice. Until I know you in person, I will not take your opinion under advisement. If you think I'm rage filled, you're wrong. But that's okay. It doesn't bother me.


  • I'm hosting a party tomorrow. We have alcoholic beverages ready to go. The people coming to that party drink responsibly (have a DD, don't over indulge, etc). But there are always people who do not drink responsibly. since I am the host I am responsible for their safety. You drink in my house, you don't drive. End of story. I don't want to lose a friend to a preventable situation and I don't want the liability of being the host of party that someone left drunk.

    I just don't believe that alcohol is necessary to have a good time and that drinking to get drunk (whether daily or rarely) is one of the stupidest things you can do. Surely alcohol is not the only catalyst to a good time. If it is, what does that say about society?

    I agree with the bolded.  100%

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."




  • I'm hosting a party tomorrow. We have alcoholic beverages ready to go. The people coming to that party drink responsibly (have a DD, don't over indulge, etc). But there are always people who do not drink responsibly. since I am the host I am responsible for their safety. You drink in my house, you don't drive. End of story. I don't want to lose a friend to a preventable situation and I don't want the liability of being the host of party that someone left drunk.

    I just don't believe that alcohol is necessary to have a good time and that drinking to get drunk (whether daily or rarely) is one of the stupidest things you can do. Surely alcohol is not the only catalyst to a good time. If it is, what does that say about society?

    Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 

    Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.
  • flantasticflantastic member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2015

    I agree with the bolded.  100%



    I also totally agree, and was totally of that mindset in high school, too - why risk the illegal behavior if you can have fun other ways? That said, I did not disrespect everyone generally who chose to augment their fun with alcohol or say they were "obsessed" with it. There's a difference.

    And I am happy to offer alcohol to my friends when they come over, and know better than to think I have to say to them that they're not driving if they have been overindulging. Because they know, and they make arrangements for themselves. H may have a drink or two when he gets to a place, and he's totally sober X hours later when it's time to leave and he has to drive. If the host tried to tell him "fuck no you don't" he would rightfully consider them rude and also ignorant of how the body processes alcohol. I don't have to create "strict rules." That is where you get micromanagy.

  • MagicInk said:

    But you have no problem, on a public message board, referring to your FILs as stupid? Your friends as stupid? And people who drink to excess (in your opinion) as stupid? You have no problem talking about watching people who drink "like a hawk" and micromanaging the shit out of everyone you know? 

    But talking about if you've ever even tried to work on your very clear hang-ups with alcohol, that's just TOO FAR.

    Those are pretty arbitrary lines to be drawing the sand sweet cheeks. 

    Yup. For you, those lines are pretty damn concrete. For someone else, probably not so much.
  • MagicInk said:

    Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 

    Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.
    I just wanna point out, I've been known to do that stone cold sober.

    My mom danced like a crazy woman at my wedding.   People thought she was loaded and in reality she'd had a half a glass of wine.   She just channeled her inner Elaine. 
  • Are you incapable of making sense?
    It's kind of hard to make sense when you're wasted, don't you know!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2015
    banana468 said:

    My mom danced like a crazy woman at my wedding.   People thought she was loaded and in reality she'd had a half a glass of wine.   She just channeled her inner Elaine. 


    My mom got legit drunk at my wedding. Like, doing cartwheels in the parking lot drunk. Amazingly, my wedding was not ruined, and I am still married!
  • banana468 said:

    Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 

    Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.



    Why does alcohol make a party a hell of a lot better? I have never understood this sentiment.

    Where do I draw the line? It depends on the person and how much I trust them. My FH or my best friend can probably get away with a couple more than the average person. I just think multiple drinks at any time is just excessive... just like I think eating an entire cake is excessive. Actually, I think one person eating an entire cake in one sitting is pretty stupid too.

    I believe in this thing called moderation, which few people seem to adhere to in social settings. Not to mention a lot of people consider weddings with open bars a time to completely lose their shit because they aren't paying for it (directly quoting quite a few conversations over the years).


  • Yup. For you, those lines are pretty damn concrete. For someone else, probably not so much.
    I feel like your responses are becoming increasingly nonsensical.
    BabyFruit Ticker

  • In this one aspect of the wedding, hellz ya I'm resentful. But I won on other aspects. I'm down with the whole card box thing right now (and even asked advice on something... shocking I know). Alcohol is an extremely touchy issue. But why don't we go talk cake or flowers or something... there not so much. Everyone has their hot points. This is one of them for me. What is it for you?
  • Are you incapable of making sense?
    Yes. I made perfect sense. The lines in the sand I have drawn with her are 100% concrete. I'm not moving them a millimeter for her.
  • banana468 said:

    My mom danced like a crazy woman at my wedding.   People thought she was loaded and in reality she'd had a half a glass of wine.   She just channeled her inner Elaine. 
    I'm more likely to dance on the table when I'm sober because I get a little clumsy when I'm drunk.

    Also, my mom was the same way at my wedding, except she doesn't drink at all. We have awesome pictures of her totally letting loose on the dance floor. Clearly, alcohol is NOT needed to have fun in my family.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • In this one aspect of the wedding, hellz ya I'm resentful. But I won on other aspects. I'm down with the whole card box thing right now (and even asked advice on something... shocking I know). Alcohol is an extremely touchy issue. But why don't we go talk cake or flowers or something... there not so much. Everyone has their hot points. This is one of them for me. What is it for you?
    Ok good, you admit it!

    Since alcohol is this touchy a subject of you and you are so against it, I wonder why you choose to give in on this issue, instead of standing your ground?  And why wouldn't your FI support you on this?

    What on Earth were the other two hills you refused to die on?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Yes. I made perfect sense. The lines in the sand I have drawn with her are 100% concrete. I'm not moving them a millimeter for her.
    image
  • image



    I drink very rarely and if I do it's one and then I'm done. I get wicked migraines from alcohol so most of the time it's just not worth the bother. I am usually the DD, which is fine because I know people get home safe but also a drag when it comes to dealing with some people.

    Are there drinking issues in my ILs families? Yes. Do I think they drink too much? Yes. It's a focus point of all celebrations. They do celebratory shots (which is why we are not doing a receiving line or having them available in the cocktail hour) at all occasions. I just think this is ridiculous to have that much alcohol be that much of a focus. My family has alcohol but it is not a focal point. I think having a normal drink and then having shots on top of that is excessive. This is a normal cultural thing for them. For me, it is an uncomfortable awkward thing to sit through. I generally "take the air" when this shit starts.


     

  • edited May 2015

    Ok good, you admit it!

    Since alcohol is this touchy a subject of you and you are so against it, I wonder why you choose to give in on this issue, instead of standing your ground?  And why wouldn't your FI support you on this?

    What on Earth were the other two hills you refused to die on?



    The location and marrying in the church. Those were much bigger hills to die on. Their attempts to get their way were impressive.

    Why didn't FH support me in a dry wedding? Because he likes to drink socially and he knew it would be a big bone of contention. I gave in as long as he promised some control over it. So far, so good. And it's his wedding to, it's not all about me.

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