Bar related question

VulgarGirl

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

Seriously. Look up your local al-anon chapter. You've got hang ups about alcohol that scream "adult child of an alcoholic". 

Most people can control their drinking. I do drink to get drunk sometimes. Sometimes I don't, but sometimes I do. I make the decision to get drunk before I start drinking, I make sure I have a ride if I'm out, I drink water, and I get home safely.

I'm not an alcoholic, I don't always drink to get drunk, and if I am drinking to get drunk I make sure I'm in the appropriate venue for such shenanigans. Mom's work Christmas party? Nope. Drag show at the gay bar? Bring on the vodka please!

This is called being an adult. This is how most adults who are not alcoholics behave. The fact that you equate all drinking with alcoholic behavior tells me mom/dad was an alcoholic or perhaps still is and you haven't dealt with your shit and instead are blaming everyone around you. Handle. Your. Shit.

Shit's handled, TYVM. Just not in the way you think it should be.

By seeing a therapist or attending a support group? You're not handling your hang ups about alcohol with people who have been there or a train professional? You're just ignoring it hoping it goes away? Blaming other people?

Honey, that is not handling your shit at all. Putting your issues onto other people is the exact opposite of handling your shit actually.

PrettyGirlLost

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

banana468 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

I've seen the "first two tickets are on us and then you're on your own" at a lot of organized parties so I'm not really sure why a wedding suddenly makes it wrong to do but apparently it is. I think offering a certain amount of free booze and then letting people buy their own is perfectly reasonable but then I think that there is entirely too much emphasis on alcohol at social events and I desperately wish people would stop equating alcohol service with good hosting. Honestly, if you believe that you need alcohol to have a good time you're doing something wrong. The event and the people should be the reason why you're having a good time, not how drunk you can get. Being drunk or even buzzed isn't attractive and it drives me crazy how society expects alcohol for a good time.

So honestly, I think a few drink tickets per person and then everyone is on their own is just fine. Unfortunately, societal expectations differ so you have to offer free booze to everyone lest you get the side eye for not allowing everyone to get plastered on your dime and make idiots of themselves.

Would you do this with anything else offered?

How about the first three items of appetizers are free but if you want another shrimp cocktail shooter then that's going to be $2?   Pig in a blanket?   After your first two, that's going to cost you a buck fifty.

Do you like coffee?  Great - you'll get a cup on the house.   After that, you're going to need to pay $4.   They use Starbucks donchaknow.   

Oh, and cake?   Well a small piece will be free but a larger piece is $4.   And if you want it with two strawberries then that's $6.

Oh - you don't do that with food and only with booze??    Why is it OK to charge your guests for alcohol as if it's some kind of extra but not for the rest of the items offered?   The last time I checked, people don't leave the average reception hungry. 

I don't see alcohol as a requirement. I see it as something that is overstated as a requirement for a good time. So yes, I do think that people should be responsible for their own consumption, especially if they are going to overindulge as most do at parties. I don't feel like I should be required to fund someone's stupidity because society has dictated that the only way to have fun at a social gathering is to get drunk.

I would much prefer to have people be responsible for their own beverages at a wedding just like they are responsible for their own beverages at all other social gatherings in familar circles.

But don't fret, we're having an open bar even though I think it's stupid. It's a part of the package we got so whatever. I just have strict instructions in place to prevent over consumption.

You have some serious issues with alcohol that I think you need to get over and deal with.

And you project your own issues on to other people by making condescending judgements and unfair sweeping generalizations.

When people suggest therapy on these boards lately, it goes over like a lead balloon so my suggestion is to have the stick removed from your ass- it's an out patient procedure- and then have a fucking drink.  Or a Xanax.

Oh I don't think that my sweeping generalizations are that off base. Maybe unfair to a select few but overall I've got it pegged right. Your shining example of telling me to take the stick out of my ass is a prime example. But thanks. I'll not take it under advisement. As I said elsewhere, I don't think you have my best interests at heart.

No honey, you haven't.  Your views are very close minded, judgmental, and come across as very immature.  From what you have told us, there are a select group of people in your social circle that you believe drink to excess- and maybe they really do, but you don't strike me as a reliable judge of character on this issue.  So you are projecting your issues with that group of people onto everyone who enjoys drinking.  That is the definition of a sweeping generalization, and it is very off base.

You also seem to be very hostile towards people you claim are your friends and family, calling them stupid, morons, etc over and over again in your posts.  Man do you have rage and resentment issues.

I suggest you deal with those issues by talking to your FI, because it seems he's part of the problem, right?  You had to give in to him and his family and host an open bar right?

And if you are actually seeing a therapist, I think you need to discuss this rage, resentment, and your attitude on alcohol with them.  Why do I ask?  Because you're coming across as a person who would greatly benefit from sorting through those issues.  It's not fun to go through life upset and stressed.  Everyone should be able to enjot life and be happy.

But don't listen to anything I say, because clearly I'm not trying to help you ><

Now, how was me telling you to get the stick out of your ass reflective of people drinking, which was the greater issue we were discussing?  Oh, It's not.  ><

notdoingitbythebook

Cookie Pusher said:

geebee908 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

geebee908 said:

ashley8918 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

banana468 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

I've seen the "first two tickets are on us and then you're on your own" at a lot of organized parties so I'm not really sure why a wedding suddenly makes it wrong to do but apparently it is. I think offering a certain amount of free booze and then letting people buy their own is perfectly reasonable but then I think that there is entirely too much emphasis on alcohol at social events and I desperately wish people would stop equating alcohol service with good hosting. Honestly, if you believe that you need alcohol to have a good time you're doing something wrong. The event and the people should be the reason why you're having a good time, not how drunk you can get. Being drunk or even buzzed isn't attractive and it drives me crazy how society expects alcohol for a good time.

So honestly, I think a few drink tickets per person and then everyone is on their own is just fine. Unfortunately, societal expectations differ so you have to offer free booze to everyone lest you get the side eye for not allowing everyone to get plastered on your dime and make idiots of themselves.

Would you do this with anything else offered?

How about the first three items of appetizers are free but if you want another shrimp cocktail shooter then that's going to be $2?   Pig in a blanket?   After your first two, that's going to cost you a buck fifty.

Do you like coffee?  Great - you'll get a cup on the house.   After that, you're going to need to pay $4.   They use Starbucks donchaknow.   

Oh, and cake?   Well a small piece will be free but a larger piece is $4.   And if you want it with two strawberries then that's $6.

Oh - you don't do that with food and only with booze??    Why is it OK to charge your guests for alcohol as if it's some kind of extra but not for the rest of the items offered?   The last time I checked, people don't leave the average reception hungry. 

I don't see alcohol as a requirement. I see it as something that is overstated as a requirement for a good time. So yes, I do think that people should be responsible for their own consumption, especially if they are going to overindulge as most do at parties. I don't feel like I should be required to fund someone's stupidity because society has dictated that the only way to have fun at a social gathering is to get drunk.

I would much prefer to have people be responsible for their own beverages at a wedding just like they are responsible for their own beverages at all other social gatherings in familar circles.

But don't fret, we're having an open bar even though I think it's stupid. It's a part of the package we got so whatever. I just have strict instructions in place to prevent over consumption.

You have some serious issues with alcohol that I think you need to get over and deal with.

And you project your own issues on to other people by making condescending judgements and unfair sweeping generalizations.

When people suggest therapy on these boards lately, it goes over like a lead balloon so my suggestion is to have the stick removed from your ass- it's an out patient procedure- and then have a fucking drink.  Or a Xanax.

Oh I don't think that my sweeping generalizations are that off base. Maybe unfair to a select few but overall I've got it pegged right. Your shining example of telling me to take the stick out of my ass is a prime example. But thanks. I'll not take it under advisement. As I said elsewhere, I don't think you have my best interests at heart.

You have real issues with alcohol. You should see a therapist.

You are coming off as pretty fanatical about this. I was just thinking the same thing as Ashley just posted, and this is coming from the child of an alcoholic. You have to learn to deal with the fact that people can and will drink, some to excess.

Alcohol consumption's been part of the of celebration of life in almost every culture since ancient times. You're not going magically change the culture by saying you believe it shouldn't be that way.

Never said I expected everyone to change, That does not stop me from having the opinion that society is overly obsessed with alcohol. Can people drink responsibly? Yes. Do most people? The jury's out on that one. I can understand drinking in moderation to enjoy the drink. I will never understand drinking to get drunk or having to be drunk to have a good time. I know I won't change it, and it would be nice if people stopped trying to change me about this.

This is where I think your world view on adults drinking must be skewed. I get the sense that you must have a number of substance abusers among people you know, because that vast majority of people outgrow the "drink to get drunk" mentality shortly after their mid-20's and settle into enjoying the alcoholic beverage of their choice in moderation. For you to believe that it's a possibility that, generally, most people drink to get drunk says something about those who surround you and how you've been affected by alcohol abuse.

I was going to point out the same thing. I host dinner parties fairly regularly, and we always pop open a few bottles of wine and/or break open some six-packs. Over the course of 3-4 hours, most of my friends will have 2-4 alcoholic drinks. Some will drink more, some will drink less. I don't view any of them as being irresponsible drinkers.

I'm hosting a party tomorrow. We have alcoholic beverages ready to go. The people coming to that party drink responsibly (have a DD, don't over indulge, etc). But there are always people who do not drink responsibly. since I am the host I am responsible for their safety. You drink in my house, you don't drive. End of story. I don't want to lose a friend to a preventable situation and I don't want the liability of being the host of party that someone left drunk.

I just don't believe that alcohol is necessary to have a good time and that drinking to get drunk (whether daily or rarely) is one of the stupidest things you can do. Surely alcohol is not the only catalyst to a good time. If it is, what does that say about society?

PrettyGirlLost

notdoingitbythebook said:

geebee908 said:

ashley8918 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

banana468 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

I've seen the "first two tickets are on us and then you're on your own" at a lot of organized parties so I'm not really sure why a wedding suddenly makes it wrong to do but apparently it is. I think offering a certain amount of free booze and then letting people buy their own is perfectly reasonable but then I think that there is entirely too much emphasis on alcohol at social events and I desperately wish people would stop equating alcohol service with good hosting. Honestly, if you believe that you need alcohol to have a good time you're doing something wrong. The event and the people should be the reason why you're having a good time, not how drunk you can get. Being drunk or even buzzed isn't attractive and it drives me crazy how society expects alcohol for a good time.

So honestly, I think a few drink tickets per person and then everyone is on their own is just fine. Unfortunately, societal expectations differ so you have to offer free booze to everyone lest you get the side eye for not allowing everyone to get plastered on your dime and make idiots of themselves.

Would you do this with anything else offered?

How about the first three items of appetizers are free but if you want another shrimp cocktail shooter then that's going to be $2?   Pig in a blanket?   After your first two, that's going to cost you a buck fifty.

Do you like coffee?  Great - you'll get a cup on the house.   After that, you're going to need to pay $4.   They use Starbucks donchaknow.   

Oh, and cake?   Well a small piece will be free but a larger piece is $4.   And if you want it with two strawberries then that's $6.

Oh - you don't do that with food and only with booze??    Why is it OK to charge your guests for alcohol as if it's some kind of extra but not for the rest of the items offered?   The last time I checked, people don't leave the average reception hungry. 

I don't see alcohol as a requirement. I see it as something that is overstated as a requirement for a good time. So yes, I do think that people should be responsible for their own consumption, especially if they are going to overindulge as most do at parties. I don't feel like I should be required to fund someone's stupidity because society has dictated that the only way to have fun at a social gathering is to get drunk.

I would much prefer to have people be responsible for their own beverages at a wedding just like they are responsible for their own beverages at all other social gatherings in familar circles.

But don't fret, we're having an open bar even though I think it's stupid. It's a part of the package we got so whatever. I just have strict instructions in place to prevent over consumption.

You have some serious issues with alcohol that I think you need to get over and deal with.

And you project your own issues on to other people by making condescending judgements and unfair sweeping generalizations.

When people suggest therapy on these boards lately, it goes over like a lead balloon so my suggestion is to have the stick removed from your ass- it's an out patient procedure- and then have a fucking drink.  Or a Xanax.

Oh I don't think that my sweeping generalizations are that off base. Maybe unfair to a select few but overall I've got it pegged right. Your shining example of telling me to take the stick out of my ass is a prime example. But thanks. I'll not take it under advisement. As I said elsewhere, I don't think you have my best interests at heart.

You have real issues with alcohol. You should see a therapist.

You are coming off as pretty fanatical about this. I was just thinking the same thing as Ashley just posted, and this is coming from the child of an alcoholic. You have to learn to deal with the fact that people can and will drink, some to excess.

Alcohol consumption's been part of the of celebration of life in almost every culture since ancient times. You're not going magically change the culture by saying you believe it shouldn't be that way.

Never said I expected everyone to change, That does not stop me from having the opinion that society is overly obsessed with alcohol.   But it's not.  Can people drink responsibly? Yes. Do most people? The jury's out on that one.   I think you might need a new social circle if truly no one in it ever drinks responsibly and it bothers you this much.  I can understand drinking in moderation to enjoy the drink. I will never understand drinking to get drunk or having to be drunk to have a good time.  Some people enjoy being drunk and others are insecure or have other anxiety issues and drinking helps them overcome those issues.  I know I won't change it, and it would be nice if people stopped trying to change me about this.

notdoingitbythebook

MagicInk said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

Seriously. Look up your local al-anon chapter. You've got hang ups about alcohol that scream "adult child of an alcoholic". 

Most people can control their drinking. I do drink to get drunk sometimes. Sometimes I don't, but sometimes I do. I make the decision to get drunk before I start drinking, I make sure I have a ride if I'm out, I drink water, and I get home safely.

I'm not an alcoholic, I don't always drink to get drunk, and if I am drinking to get drunk I make sure I'm in the appropriate venue for such shenanigans. Mom's work Christmas party? Nope. Drag show at the gay bar? Bring on the vodka please!

This is called being an adult. This is how most adults who are not alcoholics behave. The fact that you equate all drinking with alcoholic behavior tells me mom/dad was an alcoholic or perhaps still is and you haven't dealt with your shit and instead are blaming everyone around you. Handle. Your. Shit.

Shit's handled, TYVM. Just not in the way you think it should be.

By seeing a therapist or attending a support group? You're not handling your hang ups about alcohol with people who have been there or a train professional? You're just ignoring it hoping it goes away? Blaming other people?

Honey, that is not handling your shit at all. Putting your issues onto other people is the exact opposite of handling your shit actually.

I feel no need to share this personal information on a public message board. Think as you like. It does not bother me.

notdoingitbythebook

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

banana468 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

I've seen the "first two tickets are on us and then you're on your own" at a lot of organized parties so I'm not really sure why a wedding suddenly makes it wrong to do but apparently it is. I think offering a certain amount of free booze and then letting people buy their own is perfectly reasonable but then I think that there is entirely too much emphasis on alcohol at social events and I desperately wish people would stop equating alcohol service with good hosting. Honestly, if you believe that you need alcohol to have a good time you're doing something wrong. The event and the people should be the reason why you're having a good time, not how drunk you can get. Being drunk or even buzzed isn't attractive and it drives me crazy how society expects alcohol for a good time.

So honestly, I think a few drink tickets per person and then everyone is on their own is just fine. Unfortunately, societal expectations differ so you have to offer free booze to everyone lest you get the side eye for not allowing everyone to get plastered on your dime and make idiots of themselves.

Would you do this with anything else offered?

How about the first three items of appetizers are free but if you want another shrimp cocktail shooter then that's going to be $2?   Pig in a blanket?   After your first two, that's going to cost you a buck fifty.

Do you like coffee?  Great - you'll get a cup on the house.   After that, you're going to need to pay $4.   They use Starbucks donchaknow.   

Oh, and cake?   Well a small piece will be free but a larger piece is $4.   And if you want it with two strawberries then that's $6.

Oh - you don't do that with food and only with booze??    Why is it OK to charge your guests for alcohol as if it's some kind of extra but not for the rest of the items offered?   The last time I checked, people don't leave the average reception hungry. 

I don't see alcohol as a requirement. I see it as something that is overstated as a requirement for a good time. So yes, I do think that people should be responsible for their own consumption, especially if they are going to overindulge as most do at parties. I don't feel like I should be required to fund someone's stupidity because society has dictated that the only way to have fun at a social gathering is to get drunk.

I would much prefer to have people be responsible for their own beverages at a wedding just like they are responsible for their own beverages at all other social gatherings in familar circles.

But don't fret, we're having an open bar even though I think it's stupid. It's a part of the package we got so whatever. I just have strict instructions in place to prevent over consumption.

You have some serious issues with alcohol that I think you need to get over and deal with.

And you project your own issues on to other people by making condescending judgements and unfair sweeping generalizations.

When people suggest therapy on these boards lately, it goes over like a lead balloon so my suggestion is to have the stick removed from your ass- it's an out patient procedure- and then have a fucking drink.  Or a Xanax.

Oh I don't think that my sweeping generalizations are that off base. Maybe unfair to a select few but overall I've got it pegged right. Your shining example of telling me to take the stick out of my ass is a prime example. But thanks. I'll not take it under advisement. As I said elsewhere, I don't think you have my best interests at heart.

No honey, you haven't.  Your views are very close minded, judgmental, and come across as very immature.  From what you have told us, there are a select group of people in your social circle that you believe drink to excess- and maybe they really do, but you don't strike me as a reliable judge of character on this issue.  So you are projecting your issues with that group of people onto everyone who enjoys drinking.  That is the definition of a sweeping generalization, and it is very off base.

You also seem to be very hostile towards people you claim are your friends and family, calling them stupid, morons, etc over and over again in your posts.  Man do you have rage and resentment issues.

I suggest you deal with those issues by talking to your FI, because it seems he's part of the problem, right?  You had to give in to him and his family and host an open bar right?

And if you are actually seeing a therapist, I think you need to discuss this rage, resentment, and your attitude on alcohol with them.  Why do I ask?  Because you're coming across as a person who would greatly benefit from sorting through those issues.  It's not fun to go through life upset and stressed.  Everyone should be able to enjot life and be happy.

But don't listen to anything I say, because clearly I'm not trying to help you ><

Now, how was me telling you to get the stick out of your ass reflective of people drinking, which was the greater issue we were discussing?  Oh, It's not.  ><

Thanks for the unsolicited advice. Until I know you in person, I will not take your opinion under advisement. If you think I'm rage filled, you're wrong. But that's okay. It doesn't bother me.

VulgarGirl

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

Seriously. Look up your local al-anon chapter. You've got hang ups about alcohol that scream "adult child of an alcoholic". 

Most people can control their drinking. I do drink to get drunk sometimes. Sometimes I don't, but sometimes I do. I make the decision to get drunk before I start drinking, I make sure I have a ride if I'm out, I drink water, and I get home safely.

I'm not an alcoholic, I don't always drink to get drunk, and if I am drinking to get drunk I make sure I'm in the appropriate venue for such shenanigans. Mom's work Christmas party? Nope. Drag show at the gay bar? Bring on the vodka please!

This is called being an adult. This is how most adults who are not alcoholics behave. The fact that you equate all drinking with alcoholic behavior tells me mom/dad was an alcoholic or perhaps still is and you haven't dealt with your shit and instead are blaming everyone around you. Handle. Your. Shit.

Shit's handled, TYVM. Just not in the way you think it should be.

By seeing a therapist or attending a support group? You're not handling your hang ups about alcohol with people who have been there or a train professional? You're just ignoring it hoping it goes away? Blaming other people?

Honey, that is not handling your shit at all. Putting your issues onto other people is the exact opposite of handling your shit actually.

I feel no need to share this personal information on a public message board. Think as you like. It does not bother me.

But you have no problem, on a public message board, referring to your FILs as stupid? Your friends as stupid? And people who drink to excess (in your opinion) as stupid? You have no problem talking about watching people who drink "like a hawk" and micromanaging the shit out of everyone you know? 

But talking about if you've ever even tried to work on your very clear hang-ups with alcohol, that's just TOO FAR.

Those are pretty arbitrary lines to be drawing the sand sweet cheeks. 

PrettyGirlLost

notdoingitbythebook said:

Cookie Pusher said:

geebee908 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

geebee908 said:

ashley8918 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

banana468 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

I've seen the "first two tickets are on us and then you're on your own" at a lot of organized parties so I'm not really sure why a wedding suddenly makes it wrong to do but apparently it is. I think offering a certain amount of free booze and then letting people buy their own is perfectly reasonable but then I think that there is entirely too much emphasis on alcohol at social events and I desperately wish people would stop equating alcohol service with good hosting. Honestly, if you believe that you need alcohol to have a good time you're doing something wrong. The event and the people should be the reason why you're having a good time, not how drunk you can get. Being drunk or even buzzed isn't attractive and it drives me crazy how society expects alcohol for a good time.

So honestly, I think a few drink tickets per person and then everyone is on their own is just fine. Unfortunately, societal expectations differ so you have to offer free booze to everyone lest you get the side eye for not allowing everyone to get plastered on your dime and make idiots of themselves.

Would you do this with anything else offered?

How about the first three items of appetizers are free but if you want another shrimp cocktail shooter then that's going to be $2?   Pig in a blanket?   After your first two, that's going to cost you a buck fifty.

Do you like coffee?  Great - you'll get a cup on the house.   After that, you're going to need to pay $4.   They use Starbucks donchaknow.   

Oh, and cake?   Well a small piece will be free but a larger piece is $4.   And if you want it with two strawberries then that's $6.

Oh - you don't do that with food and only with booze??    Why is it OK to charge your guests for alcohol as if it's some kind of extra but not for the rest of the items offered?   The last time I checked, people don't leave the average reception hungry. 

I don't see alcohol as a requirement. I see it as something that is overstated as a requirement for a good time. So yes, I do think that people should be responsible for their own consumption, especially if they are going to overindulge as most do at parties. I don't feel like I should be required to fund someone's stupidity because society has dictated that the only way to have fun at a social gathering is to get drunk.

I would much prefer to have people be responsible for their own beverages at a wedding just like they are responsible for their own beverages at all other social gatherings in familar circles.

But don't fret, we're having an open bar even though I think it's stupid. It's a part of the package we got so whatever. I just have strict instructions in place to prevent over consumption.

You have some serious issues with alcohol that I think you need to get over and deal with.

And you project your own issues on to other people by making condescending judgements and unfair sweeping generalizations.

When people suggest therapy on these boards lately, it goes over like a lead balloon so my suggestion is to have the stick removed from your ass- it's an out patient procedure- and then have a fucking drink.  Or a Xanax.

Oh I don't think that my sweeping generalizations are that off base. Maybe unfair to a select few but overall I've got it pegged right. Your shining example of telling me to take the stick out of my ass is a prime example. But thanks. I'll not take it under advisement. As I said elsewhere, I don't think you have my best interests at heart.

You have real issues with alcohol. You should see a therapist.

You are coming off as pretty fanatical about this. I was just thinking the same thing as Ashley just posted, and this is coming from the child of an alcoholic. You have to learn to deal with the fact that people can and will drink, some to excess.

Alcohol consumption's been part of the of celebration of life in almost every culture since ancient times. You're not going magically change the culture by saying you believe it shouldn't be that way.

Never said I expected everyone to change, That does not stop me from having the opinion that society is overly obsessed with alcohol. Can people drink responsibly? Yes. Do most people? The jury's out on that one. I can understand drinking in moderation to enjoy the drink. I will never understand drinking to get drunk or having to be drunk to have a good time. I know I won't change it, and it would be nice if people stopped trying to change me about this.

This is where I think your world view on adults drinking must be skewed. I get the sense that you must have a number of substance abusers among people you know, because that vast majority of people outgrow the "drink to get drunk" mentality shortly after their mid-20's and settle into enjoying the alcoholic beverage of their choice in moderation. For you to believe that it's a possibility that, generally, most people drink to get drunk says something about those who surround you and how you've been affected by alcohol abuse.

I was going to point out the same thing. I host dinner parties fairly regularly, and we always pop open a few bottles of wine and/or break open some six-packs. Over the course of 3-4 hours, most of my friends will have 2-4 alcoholic drinks. Some will drink more, some will drink less. I don't view any of them as being irresponsible drinkers.

I'm hosting a party tomorrow. We have alcoholic beverages ready to go. The people coming to that party drink responsibly (have a DD, don't over indulge, etc). But there are always people who do not drink responsibly. since I am the host I am responsible for their safety. You drink in my house, you don't drive. End of story. I don't want to lose a friend to a preventable situation and I don't want the liability of being the host of party that someone left drunk.

I just don't believe that alcohol is necessary to have a good time and that drinking to get drunk (whether daily or rarely) is one of the stupidest things you can do. Surely alcohol is not the only catalyst to a good time. If it is, what does that say about society?

I agree with the bolded.  100%

VulgarGirl

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

banana468 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

I've seen the "first two tickets are on us and then you're on your own" at a lot of organized parties so I'm not really sure why a wedding suddenly makes it wrong to do but apparently it is. I think offering a certain amount of free booze and then letting people buy their own is perfectly reasonable but then I think that there is entirely too much emphasis on alcohol at social events and I desperately wish people would stop equating alcohol service with good hosting. Honestly, if you believe that you need alcohol to have a good time you're doing something wrong. The event and the people should be the reason why you're having a good time, not how drunk you can get. Being drunk or even buzzed isn't attractive and it drives me crazy how society expects alcohol for a good time.

So honestly, I think a few drink tickets per person and then everyone is on their own is just fine. Unfortunately, societal expectations differ so you have to offer free booze to everyone lest you get the side eye for not allowing everyone to get plastered on your dime and make idiots of themselves.

Would you do this with anything else offered?

How about the first three items of appetizers are free but if you want another shrimp cocktail shooter then that's going to be $2?   Pig in a blanket?   After your first two, that's going to cost you a buck fifty.

Do you like coffee?  Great - you'll get a cup on the house.   After that, you're going to need to pay $4.   They use Starbucks donchaknow.   

Oh, and cake?   Well a small piece will be free but a larger piece is $4.   And if you want it with two strawberries then that's $6.

Oh - you don't do that with food and only with booze??    Why is it OK to charge your guests for alcohol as if it's some kind of extra but not for the rest of the items offered?   The last time I checked, people don't leave the average reception hungry. 

I don't see alcohol as a requirement. I see it as something that is overstated as a requirement for a good time. So yes, I do think that people should be responsible for their own consumption, especially if they are going to overindulge as most do at parties. I don't feel like I should be required to fund someone's stupidity because society has dictated that the only way to have fun at a social gathering is to get drunk.

I would much prefer to have people be responsible for their own beverages at a wedding just like they are responsible for their own beverages at all other social gatherings in familar circles.

But don't fret, we're having an open bar even though I think it's stupid. It's a part of the package we got so whatever. I just have strict instructions in place to prevent over consumption.

You have some serious issues with alcohol that I think you need to get over and deal with.

And you project your own issues on to other people by making condescending judgements and unfair sweeping generalizations.

When people suggest therapy on these boards lately, it goes over like a lead balloon so my suggestion is to have the stick removed from your ass- it's an out patient procedure- and then have a fucking drink.  Or a Xanax.

Oh I don't think that my sweeping generalizations are that off base. Maybe unfair to a select few but overall I've got it pegged right. Your shining example of telling me to take the stick out of my ass is a prime example. But thanks. I'll not take it under advisement. As I said elsewhere, I don't think you have my best interests at heart.

No honey, you haven't.  Your views are very close minded, judgmental, and come across as very immature.  From what you have told us, there are a select group of people in your social circle that you believe drink to excess- and maybe they really do, but you don't strike me as a reliable judge of character on this issue.  So you are projecting your issues with that group of people onto everyone who enjoys drinking.  That is the definition of a sweeping generalization, and it is very off base.

You also seem to be very hostile towards people you claim are your friends and family, calling them stupid, morons, etc over and over again in your posts.  Man do you have rage and resentment issues.

I suggest you deal with those issues by talking to your FI, because it seems he's part of the problem, right?  You had to give in to him and his family and host an open bar right?

And if you are actually seeing a therapist, I think you need to discuss this rage, resentment, and your attitude on alcohol with them.  Why do I ask?  Because you're coming across as a person who would greatly benefit from sorting through those issues.  It's not fun to go through life upset and stressed.  Everyone should be able to enjot life and be happy.

But don't listen to anything I say, because clearly I'm not trying to help you ><

Now, how was me telling you to get the stick out of your ass reflective of people drinking, which was the greater issue we were discussing?  Oh, It's not.  ><

Thanks for the unsolicited advice. Until I know you in person, I will not take your opinion under advisement. If you think I'm rage filled, you're wrong. But that's okay. It doesn't bother me.

banana468

notdoingitbythebook said:

Cookie Pusher said:

geebee908 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

geebee908 said:

ashley8918 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

banana468 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

I've seen the "first two tickets are on us and then you're on your own" at a lot of organized parties so I'm not really sure why a wedding suddenly makes it wrong to do but apparently it is. I think offering a certain amount of free booze and then letting people buy their own is perfectly reasonable but then I think that there is entirely too much emphasis on alcohol at social events and I desperately wish people would stop equating alcohol service with good hosting. Honestly, if you believe that you need alcohol to have a good time you're doing something wrong. The event and the people should be the reason why you're having a good time, not how drunk you can get. Being drunk or even buzzed isn't attractive and it drives me crazy how society expects alcohol for a good time.

So honestly, I think a few drink tickets per person and then everyone is on their own is just fine. Unfortunately, societal expectations differ so you have to offer free booze to everyone lest you get the side eye for not allowing everyone to get plastered on your dime and make idiots of themselves.

Would you do this with anything else offered?

How about the first three items of appetizers are free but if you want another shrimp cocktail shooter then that's going to be $2?   Pig in a blanket?   After your first two, that's going to cost you a buck fifty.

Do you like coffee?  Great - you'll get a cup on the house.   After that, you're going to need to pay $4.   They use Starbucks donchaknow.   

Oh, and cake?   Well a small piece will be free but a larger piece is $4.   And if you want it with two strawberries then that's $6.

Oh - you don't do that with food and only with booze??    Why is it OK to charge your guests for alcohol as if it's some kind of extra but not for the rest of the items offered?   The last time I checked, people don't leave the average reception hungry. 

I don't see alcohol as a requirement. I see it as something that is overstated as a requirement for a good time. So yes, I do think that people should be responsible for their own consumption, especially if they are going to overindulge as most do at parties. I don't feel like I should be required to fund someone's stupidity because society has dictated that the only way to have fun at a social gathering is to get drunk.

I would much prefer to have people be responsible for their own beverages at a wedding just like they are responsible for their own beverages at all other social gatherings in familar circles.

But don't fret, we're having an open bar even though I think it's stupid. It's a part of the package we got so whatever. I just have strict instructions in place to prevent over consumption.

You have some serious issues with alcohol that I think you need to get over and deal with.

And you project your own issues on to other people by making condescending judgements and unfair sweeping generalizations.

When people suggest therapy on these boards lately, it goes over like a lead balloon so my suggestion is to have the stick removed from your ass- it's an out patient procedure- and then have a fucking drink.  Or a Xanax.

Oh I don't think that my sweeping generalizations are that off base. Maybe unfair to a select few but overall I've got it pegged right. Your shining example of telling me to take the stick out of my ass is a prime example. But thanks. I'll not take it under advisement. As I said elsewhere, I don't think you have my best interests at heart.

You have real issues with alcohol. You should see a therapist.

You are coming off as pretty fanatical about this. I was just thinking the same thing as Ashley just posted, and this is coming from the child of an alcoholic. You have to learn to deal with the fact that people can and will drink, some to excess.

Alcohol consumption's been part of the of celebration of life in almost every culture since ancient times. You're not going magically change the culture by saying you believe it shouldn't be that way.

Never said I expected everyone to change, That does not stop me from having the opinion that society is overly obsessed with alcohol. Can people drink responsibly? Yes. Do most people? The jury's out on that one. I can understand drinking in moderation to enjoy the drink. I will never understand drinking to get drunk or having to be drunk to have a good time. I know I won't change it, and it would be nice if people stopped trying to change me about this.

This is where I think your world view on adults drinking must be skewed. I get the sense that you must have a number of substance abusers among people you know, because that vast majority of people outgrow the "drink to get drunk" mentality shortly after their mid-20's and settle into enjoying the alcoholic beverage of their choice in moderation. For you to believe that it's a possibility that, generally, most people drink to get drunk says something about those who surround you and how you've been affected by alcohol abuse.

I was going to point out the same thing. I host dinner parties fairly regularly, and we always pop open a few bottles of wine and/or break open some six-packs. Over the course of 3-4 hours, most of my friends will have 2-4 alcoholic drinks. Some will drink more, some will drink less. I don't view any of them as being irresponsible drinkers.

I'm hosting a party tomorrow. We have alcoholic beverages ready to go. The people coming to that party drink responsibly (have a DD, don't over indulge, etc). But there are always people who do not drink responsibly. since I am the host I am responsible for their safety. You drink in my house, you don't drive. End of story. I don't want to lose a friend to a preventable situation and I don't want the liability of being the host of party that someone left drunk.

I just don't believe that alcohol is necessary to have a good time and that drinking to get drunk (whether daily or rarely) is one of the stupidest things you can do. Surely alcohol is not the only catalyst to a good time. If it is, what does that say about society?

Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 

Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.

PrettyGirlLost

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

banana468 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

I've seen the "first two tickets are on us and then you're on your own" at a lot of organized parties so I'm not really sure why a wedding suddenly makes it wrong to do but apparently it is. I think offering a certain amount of free booze and then letting people buy their own is perfectly reasonable but then I think that there is entirely too much emphasis on alcohol at social events and I desperately wish people would stop equating alcohol service with good hosting. Honestly, if you believe that you need alcohol to have a good time you're doing something wrong. The event and the people should be the reason why you're having a good time, not how drunk you can get. Being drunk or even buzzed isn't attractive and it drives me crazy how society expects alcohol for a good time.

So honestly, I think a few drink tickets per person and then everyone is on their own is just fine. Unfortunately, societal expectations differ so you have to offer free booze to everyone lest you get the side eye for not allowing everyone to get plastered on your dime and make idiots of themselves.

Would you do this with anything else offered?

How about the first three items of appetizers are free but if you want another shrimp cocktail shooter then that's going to be $2?   Pig in a blanket?   After your first two, that's going to cost you a buck fifty.

Do you like coffee?  Great - you'll get a cup on the house.   After that, you're going to need to pay $4.   They use Starbucks donchaknow.   

Oh, and cake?   Well a small piece will be free but a larger piece is $4.   And if you want it with two strawberries then that's $6.

Oh - you don't do that with food and only with booze??    Why is it OK to charge your guests for alcohol as if it's some kind of extra but not for the rest of the items offered?   The last time I checked, people don't leave the average reception hungry. 

I don't see alcohol as a requirement. I see it as something that is overstated as a requirement for a good time. So yes, I do think that people should be responsible for their own consumption, especially if they are going to overindulge as most do at parties. I don't feel like I should be required to fund someone's stupidity because society has dictated that the only way to have fun at a social gathering is to get drunk.

I would much prefer to have people be responsible for their own beverages at a wedding just like they are responsible for their own beverages at all other social gatherings in familar circles.

But don't fret, we're having an open bar even though I think it's stupid. It's a part of the package we got so whatever. I just have strict instructions in place to prevent over consumption.

You have some serious issues with alcohol that I think you need to get over and deal with.

And you project your own issues on to other people by making condescending judgements and unfair sweeping generalizations.

When people suggest therapy on these boards lately, it goes over like a lead balloon so my suggestion is to have the stick removed from your ass- it's an out patient procedure- and then have a fucking drink.  Or a Xanax.

Oh I don't think that my sweeping generalizations are that off base. Maybe unfair to a select few but overall I've got it pegged right. Your shining example of telling me to take the stick out of my ass is a prime example. But thanks. I'll not take it under advisement. As I said elsewhere, I don't think you have my best interests at heart.

No honey, you haven't.  Your views are very close minded, judgmental, and come across as very immature.  From what you have told us, there are a select group of people in your social circle that you believe drink to excess- and maybe they really do, but you don't strike me as a reliable judge of character on this issue.  So you are projecting your issues with that group of people onto everyone who enjoys drinking.  That is the definition of a sweeping generalization, and it is very off base.

You also seem to be very hostile towards people you claim are your friends and family, calling them stupid, morons, etc over and over again in your posts.  Man do you have rage and resentment issues.

I suggest you deal with those issues by talking to your FI, because it seems he's part of the problem, right?  You had to give in to him and his family and host an open bar right?

And if you are actually seeing a therapist, I think you need to discuss this rage, resentment, and your attitude on alcohol with them.  Why do I ask?  Because you're coming across as a person who would greatly benefit from sorting through those issues.  It's not fun to go through life upset and stressed.  Everyone should be able to enjot life and be happy.

But don't listen to anything I say, because clearly I'm not trying to help you ><

Now, how was me telling you to get the stick out of your ass reflective of people drinking, which was the greater issue we were discussing?  Oh, It's not.  ><

Thanks for the unsolicited advice. Welcome to the interwebz.  Until I know you in person, I will not take your opinion under advisement.   Then why are you posting on an internet message board?  You aren't here seeking any kind of wedding planning advice or information from others?  I know that in this particular instance you aren't the OP, but you don't want any wedding related advice?  If you think I'm rage filled, you're wrong. But that's okay. It doesn't bother me.  I do think you have rage issues because of how many times you referred to family and friends as "stupid" "morons" etc. and by how resentful you come across as having to host an open bar due to your FI and your FILs.  And other posters here are picking up on those same things, so I'm not wrong.  But you can think otherwise.

flantastic

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

Cookie Pusher said:

geebee908 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

geebee908 said:

ashley8918 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

banana468 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

I've seen the "first two tickets are on us and then you're on your own" at a lot of organized parties so I'm not really sure why a wedding suddenly makes it wrong to do but apparently it is. I think offering a certain amount of free booze and then letting people buy their own is perfectly reasonable but then I think that there is entirely too much emphasis on alcohol at social events and I desperately wish people would stop equating alcohol service with good hosting. Honestly, if you believe that you need alcohol to have a good time you're doing something wrong. The event and the people should be the reason why you're having a good time, not how drunk you can get. Being drunk or even buzzed isn't attractive and it drives me crazy how society expects alcohol for a good time.

So honestly, I think a few drink tickets per person and then everyone is on their own is just fine. Unfortunately, societal expectations differ so you have to offer free booze to everyone lest you get the side eye for not allowing everyone to get plastered on your dime and make idiots of themselves.

Would you do this with anything else offered?

How about the first three items of appetizers are free but if you want another shrimp cocktail shooter then that's going to be $2?   Pig in a blanket?   After your first two, that's going to cost you a buck fifty.

Do you like coffee?  Great - you'll get a cup on the house.   After that, you're going to need to pay $4.   They use Starbucks donchaknow.   

Oh, and cake?   Well a small piece will be free but a larger piece is $4.   And if you want it with two strawberries then that's $6.

Oh - you don't do that with food and only with booze??    Why is it OK to charge your guests for alcohol as if it's some kind of extra but not for the rest of the items offered?   The last time I checked, people don't leave the average reception hungry. 

I don't see alcohol as a requirement. I see it as something that is overstated as a requirement for a good time. So yes, I do think that people should be responsible for their own consumption, especially if they are going to overindulge as most do at parties. I don't feel like I should be required to fund someone's stupidity because society has dictated that the only way to have fun at a social gathering is to get drunk.

I would much prefer to have people be responsible for their own beverages at a wedding just like they are responsible for their own beverages at all other social gatherings in familar circles.

But don't fret, we're having an open bar even though I think it's stupid. It's a part of the package we got so whatever. I just have strict instructions in place to prevent over consumption.

You have some serious issues with alcohol that I think you need to get over and deal with.

And you project your own issues on to other people by making condescending judgements and unfair sweeping generalizations.

When people suggest therapy on these boards lately, it goes over like a lead balloon so my suggestion is to have the stick removed from your ass- it's an out patient procedure- and then have a fucking drink.  Or a Xanax.

Oh I don't think that my sweeping generalizations are that off base. Maybe unfair to a select few but overall I've got it pegged right. Your shining example of telling me to take the stick out of my ass is a prime example. But thanks. I'll not take it under advisement. As I said elsewhere, I don't think you have my best interests at heart.

You have real issues with alcohol. You should see a therapist.

You are coming off as pretty fanatical about this. I was just thinking the same thing as Ashley just posted, and this is coming from the child of an alcoholic. You have to learn to deal with the fact that people can and will drink, some to excess.

Alcohol consumption's been part of the of celebration of life in almost every culture since ancient times. You're not going magically change the culture by saying you believe it shouldn't be that way.

Never said I expected everyone to change, That does not stop me from having the opinion that society is overly obsessed with alcohol. Can people drink responsibly? Yes. Do most people? The jury's out on that one. I can understand drinking in moderation to enjoy the drink. I will never understand drinking to get drunk or having to be drunk to have a good time. I know I won't change it, and it would be nice if people stopped trying to change me about this.

This is where I think your world view on adults drinking must be skewed. I get the sense that you must have a number of substance abusers among people you know, because that vast majority of people outgrow the "drink to get drunk" mentality shortly after their mid-20's and settle into enjoying the alcoholic beverage of their choice in moderation. For you to believe that it's a possibility that, generally, most people drink to get drunk says something about those who surround you and how you've been affected by alcohol abuse.

I was going to point out the same thing. I host dinner parties fairly regularly, and we always pop open a few bottles of wine and/or break open some six-packs. Over the course of 3-4 hours, most of my friends will have 2-4 alcoholic drinks. Some will drink more, some will drink less. I don't view any of them as being irresponsible drinkers.

I'm hosting a party tomorrow. We have alcoholic beverages ready to go. The people coming to that party drink responsibly (have a DD, don't over indulge, etc). But there are always people who do not drink responsibly. since I am the host I am responsible for their safety. You drink in my house, you don't drive. End of story. I don't want to lose a friend to a preventable situation and I don't want the liability of being the host of party that someone left drunk.

I just don't believe that alcohol is necessary to have a good time and that drinking to get drunk (whether daily or rarely) is one of the stupidest things you can do. Surely alcohol is not the only catalyst to a good time. If it is, what does that say about society?

I agree with the bolded.  100%

I also totally agree, and was totally of that mindset in high school, too - why risk the illegal behavior if you can have fun other ways? That said, I did not disrespect everyone generally who chose to augment their fun with alcohol or say they were "obsessed" with it. There's a difference.

And I am happy to offer alcohol to my friends when they come over, and know better than to think I have to say to them that they're not driving if they have been overindulging. Because they know, and they make arrangements for themselves. H may have a drink or two when he gets to a place, and he's totally sober X hours later when it's time to leave and he has to drive. If the host tried to tell him "fuck no you don't" he would rightfully consider them rude and also ignorant of how the body processes alcohol. I don't have to create "strict rules." That is where you get micromanagy.

VulgarGirl

banana468 said:

Cookie Pusher said:

geebee908 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

geebee908 said:

ashley8918 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

banana468 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

I've seen the "first two tickets are on us and then you're on your own" at a lot of organized parties so I'm not really sure why a wedding suddenly makes it wrong to do but apparently it is. I think offering a certain amount of free booze and then letting people buy their own is perfectly reasonable but then I think that there is entirely too much emphasis on alcohol at social events and I desperately wish people would stop equating alcohol service with good hosting. Honestly, if you believe that you need alcohol to have a good time you're doing something wrong. The event and the people should be the reason why you're having a good time, not how drunk you can get. Being drunk or even buzzed isn't attractive and it drives me crazy how society expects alcohol for a good time.

So honestly, I think a few drink tickets per person and then everyone is on their own is just fine. Unfortunately, societal expectations differ so you have to offer free booze to everyone lest you get the side eye for not allowing everyone to get plastered on your dime and make idiots of themselves.

Would you do this with anything else offered?

How about the first three items of appetizers are free but if you want another shrimp cocktail shooter then that's going to be $2?   Pig in a blanket?   After your first two, that's going to cost you a buck fifty.

Do you like coffee?  Great - you'll get a cup on the house.   After that, you're going to need to pay $4.   They use Starbucks donchaknow.   

Oh, and cake?   Well a small piece will be free but a larger piece is $4.   And if you want it with two strawberries then that's $6.

Oh - you don't do that with food and only with booze??    Why is it OK to charge your guests for alcohol as if it's some kind of extra but not for the rest of the items offered?   The last time I checked, people don't leave the average reception hungry. 

I don't see alcohol as a requirement. I see it as something that is overstated as a requirement for a good time. So yes, I do think that people should be responsible for their own consumption, especially if they are going to overindulge as most do at parties. I don't feel like I should be required to fund someone's stupidity because society has dictated that the only way to have fun at a social gathering is to get drunk.

I would much prefer to have people be responsible for their own beverages at a wedding just like they are responsible for their own beverages at all other social gatherings in familar circles.

But don't fret, we're having an open bar even though I think it's stupid. It's a part of the package we got so whatever. I just have strict instructions in place to prevent over consumption.

You have some serious issues with alcohol that I think you need to get over and deal with.

And you project your own issues on to other people by making condescending judgements and unfair sweeping generalizations.

When people suggest therapy on these boards lately, it goes over like a lead balloon so my suggestion is to have the stick removed from your ass- it's an out patient procedure- and then have a fucking drink.  Or a Xanax.

Oh I don't think that my sweeping generalizations are that off base. Maybe unfair to a select few but overall I've got it pegged right. Your shining example of telling me to take the stick out of my ass is a prime example. But thanks. I'll not take it under advisement. As I said elsewhere, I don't think you have my best interests at heart.

You have real issues with alcohol. You should see a therapist.

You are coming off as pretty fanatical about this. I was just thinking the same thing as Ashley just posted, and this is coming from the child of an alcoholic. You have to learn to deal with the fact that people can and will drink, some to excess.

Alcohol consumption's been part of the of celebration of life in almost every culture since ancient times. You're not going magically change the culture by saying you believe it shouldn't be that way.

Never said I expected everyone to change, That does not stop me from having the opinion that society is overly obsessed with alcohol. Can people drink responsibly? Yes. Do most people? The jury's out on that one. I can understand drinking in moderation to enjoy the drink. I will never understand drinking to get drunk or having to be drunk to have a good time. I know I won't change it, and it would be nice if people stopped trying to change me about this.

This is where I think your world view on adults drinking must be skewed. I get the sense that you must have a number of substance abusers among people you know, because that vast majority of people outgrow the "drink to get drunk" mentality shortly after their mid-20's and settle into enjoying the alcoholic beverage of their choice in moderation. For you to believe that it's a possibility that, generally, most people drink to get drunk says something about those who surround you and how you've been affected by alcohol abuse.

I was going to point out the same thing. I host dinner parties fairly regularly, and we always pop open a few bottles of wine and/or break open some six-packs. Over the course of 3-4 hours, most of my friends will have 2-4 alcoholic drinks. Some will drink more, some will drink less. I don't view any of them as being irresponsible drinkers.

I'm hosting a party tomorrow. We have alcoholic beverages ready to go. The people coming to that party drink responsibly (have a DD, don't over indulge, etc). But there are always people who do not drink responsibly. since I am the host I am responsible for their safety. You drink in my house, you don't drive. End of story. I don't want to lose a friend to a preventable situation and I don't want the liability of being the host of party that someone left drunk.

I just don't believe that alcohol is necessary to have a good time and that drinking to get drunk (whether daily or rarely) is one of the stupidest things you can do. Surely alcohol is not the only catalyst to a good time. If it is, what does that say about society?

Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 

Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.

I just wanna point out, I've been known to do that stone cold sober.

notdoingitbythebook

MagicInk said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

Seriously. Look up your local al-anon chapter. You've got hang ups about alcohol that scream "adult child of an alcoholic". 

Most people can control their drinking. I do drink to get drunk sometimes. Sometimes I don't, but sometimes I do. I make the decision to get drunk before I start drinking, I make sure I have a ride if I'm out, I drink water, and I get home safely.

I'm not an alcoholic, I don't always drink to get drunk, and if I am drinking to get drunk I make sure I'm in the appropriate venue for such shenanigans. Mom's work Christmas party? Nope. Drag show at the gay bar? Bring on the vodka please!

This is called being an adult. This is how most adults who are not alcoholics behave. The fact that you equate all drinking with alcoholic behavior tells me mom/dad was an alcoholic or perhaps still is and you haven't dealt with your shit and instead are blaming everyone around you. Handle. Your. Shit.

Shit's handled, TYVM. Just not in the way you think it should be.

By seeing a therapist or attending a support group? You're not handling your hang ups about alcohol with people who have been there or a train professional? You're just ignoring it hoping it goes away? Blaming other people?

Honey, that is not handling your shit at all. Putting your issues onto other people is the exact opposite of handling your shit actually.

I feel no need to share this personal information on a public message board. Think as you like. It does not bother me.

But you have no problem, on a public message board, referring to your FILs as stupid? Your friends as stupid? And people who drink to excess (in your opinion) as stupid? You have no problem talking about watching people who drink "like a hawk" and micromanaging the shit out of everyone you know? 

But talking about if you've ever even tried to work on your very clear hang-ups with alcohol, that's just TOO FAR.

Those are pretty arbitrary lines to be drawing the sand sweet cheeks. 

Yup. For you, those lines are pretty damn concrete. For someone else, probably not so much.

flantastic

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

Seriously. Look up your local al-anon chapter. You've got hang ups about alcohol that scream "adult child of an alcoholic". 

Most people can control their drinking. I do drink to get drunk sometimes. Sometimes I don't, but sometimes I do. I make the decision to get drunk before I start drinking, I make sure I have a ride if I'm out, I drink water, and I get home safely.

I'm not an alcoholic, I don't always drink to get drunk, and if I am drinking to get drunk I make sure I'm in the appropriate venue for such shenanigans. Mom's work Christmas party? Nope. Drag show at the gay bar? Bring on the vodka please!

This is called being an adult. This is how most adults who are not alcoholics behave. The fact that you equate all drinking with alcoholic behavior tells me mom/dad was an alcoholic or perhaps still is and you haven't dealt with your shit and instead are blaming everyone around you. Handle. Your. Shit.

Shit's handled, TYVM. Just not in the way you think it should be.

By seeing a therapist or attending a support group? You're not handling your hang ups about alcohol with people who have been there or a train professional? You're just ignoring it hoping it goes away? Blaming other people?

Honey, that is not handling your shit at all. Putting your issues onto other people is the exact opposite of handling your shit actually.

I feel no need to share this personal information on a public message board. Think as you like. It does not bother me.

But you have no problem, on a public message board, referring to your FILs as stupid? Your friends as stupid? And people who drink to excess (in your opinion) as stupid? You have no problem talking about watching people who drink "like a hawk" and micromanaging the shit out of everyone you know? 

But talking about if you've ever even tried to work on your very clear hang-ups with alcohol, that's just TOO FAR.

Those are pretty arbitrary lines to be drawing the sand sweet cheeks. 

Yup. For you, those lines are pretty damn concrete. For someone else, probably not so much.

Are you incapable of making sense?

banana468

MagicInk said:

banana468 said:

Cookie Pusher said:

geebee908 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

geebee908 said:

ashley8918 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

banana468 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

I've seen the "first two tickets are on us and then you're on your own" at a lot of organized parties so I'm not really sure why a wedding suddenly makes it wrong to do but apparently it is. I think offering a certain amount of free booze and then letting people buy their own is perfectly reasonable but then I think that there is entirely too much emphasis on alcohol at social events and I desperately wish people would stop equating alcohol service with good hosting. Honestly, if you believe that you need alcohol to have a good time you're doing something wrong. The event and the people should be the reason why you're having a good time, not how drunk you can get. Being drunk or even buzzed isn't attractive and it drives me crazy how society expects alcohol for a good time.

So honestly, I think a few drink tickets per person and then everyone is on their own is just fine. Unfortunately, societal expectations differ so you have to offer free booze to everyone lest you get the side eye for not allowing everyone to get plastered on your dime and make idiots of themselves.

Would you do this with anything else offered?

How about the first three items of appetizers are free but if you want another shrimp cocktail shooter then that's going to be $2?   Pig in a blanket?   After your first two, that's going to cost you a buck fifty.

Do you like coffee?  Great - you'll get a cup on the house.   After that, you're going to need to pay $4.   They use Starbucks donchaknow.   

Oh, and cake?   Well a small piece will be free but a larger piece is $4.   And if you want it with two strawberries then that's $6.

Oh - you don't do that with food and only with booze??    Why is it OK to charge your guests for alcohol as if it's some kind of extra but not for the rest of the items offered?   The last time I checked, people don't leave the average reception hungry. 

I don't see alcohol as a requirement. I see it as something that is overstated as a requirement for a good time. So yes, I do think that people should be responsible for their own consumption, especially if they are going to overindulge as most do at parties. I don't feel like I should be required to fund someone's stupidity because society has dictated that the only way to have fun at a social gathering is to get drunk.

I would much prefer to have people be responsible for their own beverages at a wedding just like they are responsible for their own beverages at all other social gatherings in familar circles.

But don't fret, we're having an open bar even though I think it's stupid. It's a part of the package we got so whatever. I just have strict instructions in place to prevent over consumption.

You have some serious issues with alcohol that I think you need to get over and deal with.

And you project your own issues on to other people by making condescending judgements and unfair sweeping generalizations.

When people suggest therapy on these boards lately, it goes over like a lead balloon so my suggestion is to have the stick removed from your ass- it's an out patient procedure- and then have a fucking drink.  Or a Xanax.

Oh I don't think that my sweeping generalizations are that off base. Maybe unfair to a select few but overall I've got it pegged right. Your shining example of telling me to take the stick out of my ass is a prime example. But thanks. I'll not take it under advisement. As I said elsewhere, I don't think you have my best interests at heart.

You have real issues with alcohol. You should see a therapist.

You are coming off as pretty fanatical about this. I was just thinking the same thing as Ashley just posted, and this is coming from the child of an alcoholic. You have to learn to deal with the fact that people can and will drink, some to excess.

Alcohol consumption's been part of the of celebration of life in almost every culture since ancient times. You're not going magically change the culture by saying you believe it shouldn't be that way.

Never said I expected everyone to change, That does not stop me from having the opinion that society is overly obsessed with alcohol. Can people drink responsibly? Yes. Do most people? The jury's out on that one. I can understand drinking in moderation to enjoy the drink. I will never understand drinking to get drunk or having to be drunk to have a good time. I know I won't change it, and it would be nice if people stopped trying to change me about this.

This is where I think your world view on adults drinking must be skewed. I get the sense that you must have a number of substance abusers among people you know, because that vast majority of people outgrow the "drink to get drunk" mentality shortly after their mid-20's and settle into enjoying the alcoholic beverage of their choice in moderation. For you to believe that it's a possibility that, generally, most people drink to get drunk says something about those who surround you and how you've been affected by alcohol abuse.

I was going to point out the same thing. I host dinner parties fairly regularly, and we always pop open a few bottles of wine and/or break open some six-packs. Over the course of 3-4 hours, most of my friends will have 2-4 alcoholic drinks. Some will drink more, some will drink less. I don't view any of them as being irresponsible drinkers.

I'm hosting a party tomorrow. We have alcoholic beverages ready to go. The people coming to that party drink responsibly (have a DD, don't over indulge, etc). But there are always people who do not drink responsibly. since I am the host I am responsible for their safety. You drink in my house, you don't drive. End of story. I don't want to lose a friend to a preventable situation and I don't want the liability of being the host of party that someone left drunk.

I just don't believe that alcohol is necessary to have a good time and that drinking to get drunk (whether daily or rarely) is one of the stupidest things you can do. Surely alcohol is not the only catalyst to a good time. If it is, what does that say about society?

Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 

Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.

I just wanna point out, I've been known to do that stone cold sober.

My mom danced like a crazy woman at my wedding.   People thought she was loaded and in reality she'd had a half a glass of wine.   She just channeled her inner Elaine. 

PrettyGirlLost

flantastic said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

Seriously. Look up your local al-anon chapter. You've got hang ups about alcohol that scream "adult child of an alcoholic". 

Most people can control their drinking. I do drink to get drunk sometimes. Sometimes I don't, but sometimes I do. I make the decision to get drunk before I start drinking, I make sure I have a ride if I'm out, I drink water, and I get home safely.

I'm not an alcoholic, I don't always drink to get drunk, and if I am drinking to get drunk I make sure I'm in the appropriate venue for such shenanigans. Mom's work Christmas party? Nope. Drag show at the gay bar? Bring on the vodka please!

This is called being an adult. This is how most adults who are not alcoholics behave. The fact that you equate all drinking with alcoholic behavior tells me mom/dad was an alcoholic or perhaps still is and you haven't dealt with your shit and instead are blaming everyone around you. Handle. Your. Shit.

Shit's handled, TYVM. Just not in the way you think it should be.

By seeing a therapist or attending a support group? You're not handling your hang ups about alcohol with people who have been there or a train professional? You're just ignoring it hoping it goes away? Blaming other people?

Honey, that is not handling your shit at all. Putting your issues onto other people is the exact opposite of handling your shit actually.

I feel no need to share this personal information on a public message board. Think as you like. It does not bother me.

But you have no problem, on a public message board, referring to your FILs as stupid? Your friends as stupid? And people who drink to excess (in your opinion) as stupid? You have no problem talking about watching people who drink "like a hawk" and micromanaging the shit out of everyone you know? 

But talking about if you've ever even tried to work on your very clear hang-ups with alcohol, that's just TOO FAR.

Those are pretty arbitrary lines to be drawing the sand sweet cheeks. 

Yup. For you, those lines are pretty damn concrete. For someone else, probably not so much.

Are you incapable of making sense?

It's kind of hard to make sense when you're wasted, don't you know!

ashley8918

banana468 said:

MagicInk said:

I just wanna point out, I've been known to do that stone cold sober.

My mom danced like a crazy woman at my wedding.   People thought she was loaded and in reality she'd had a half a glass of wine.   She just channeled her inner Elaine. 

My mom got legit drunk at my wedding. Like, doing cartwheels in the parking lot drunk. Amazingly, my wedding was not ruined, and I am still married!

notdoingitbythebook

banana468 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

Cookie Pusher said:

geebee908 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

geebee908 said:

ashley8918 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

banana468 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

I've seen the "first two tickets are on us and then you're on your own" at a lot of organized parties so I'm not really sure why a wedding suddenly makes it wrong to do but apparently it is. I think offering a certain amount of free booze and then letting people buy their own is perfectly reasonable but then I think that there is entirely too much emphasis on alcohol at social events and I desperately wish people would stop equating alcohol service with good hosting. Honestly, if you believe that you need alcohol to have a good time you're doing something wrong. The event and the people should be the reason why you're having a good time, not how drunk you can get. Being drunk or even buzzed isn't attractive and it drives me crazy how society expects alcohol for a good time.

So honestly, I think a few drink tickets per person and then everyone is on their own is just fine. Unfortunately, societal expectations differ so you have to offer free booze to everyone lest you get the side eye for not allowing everyone to get plastered on your dime and make idiots of themselves.

Would you do this with anything else offered?

How about the first three items of appetizers are free but if you want another shrimp cocktail shooter then that's going to be $2?   Pig in a blanket?   After your first two, that's going to cost you a buck fifty.

Do you like coffee?  Great - you'll get a cup on the house.   After that, you're going to need to pay $4.   They use Starbucks donchaknow.   

Oh, and cake?   Well a small piece will be free but a larger piece is $4.   And if you want it with two strawberries then that's $6.

Oh - you don't do that with food and only with booze??    Why is it OK to charge your guests for alcohol as if it's some kind of extra but not for the rest of the items offered?   The last time I checked, people don't leave the average reception hungry. 

I don't see alcohol as a requirement. I see it as something that is overstated as a requirement for a good time. So yes, I do think that people should be responsible for their own consumption, especially if they are going to overindulge as most do at parties. I don't feel like I should be required to fund someone's stupidity because society has dictated that the only way to have fun at a social gathering is to get drunk.

I would much prefer to have people be responsible for their own beverages at a wedding just like they are responsible for their own beverages at all other social gatherings in familar circles.

But don't fret, we're having an open bar even though I think it's stupid. It's a part of the package we got so whatever. I just have strict instructions in place to prevent over consumption.

You have some serious issues with alcohol that I think you need to get over and deal with.

And you project your own issues on to other people by making condescending judgements and unfair sweeping generalizations.

When people suggest therapy on these boards lately, it goes over like a lead balloon so my suggestion is to have the stick removed from your ass- it's an out patient procedure- and then have a fucking drink.  Or a Xanax.

Oh I don't think that my sweeping generalizations are that off base. Maybe unfair to a select few but overall I've got it pegged right. Your shining example of telling me to take the stick out of my ass is a prime example. But thanks. I'll not take it under advisement. As I said elsewhere, I don't think you have my best interests at heart.

You have real issues with alcohol. You should see a therapist.

You are coming off as pretty fanatical about this. I was just thinking the same thing as Ashley just posted, and this is coming from the child of an alcoholic. You have to learn to deal with the fact that people can and will drink, some to excess.

Alcohol consumption's been part of the of celebration of life in almost every culture since ancient times. You're not going magically change the culture by saying you believe it shouldn't be that way.

Never said I expected everyone to change, That does not stop me from having the opinion that society is overly obsessed with alcohol. Can people drink responsibly? Yes. Do most people? The jury's out on that one. I can understand drinking in moderation to enjoy the drink. I will never understand drinking to get drunk or having to be drunk to have a good time. I know I won't change it, and it would be nice if people stopped trying to change me about this.

This is where I think your world view on adults drinking must be skewed. I get the sense that you must have a number of substance abusers among people you know, because that vast majority of people outgrow the "drink to get drunk" mentality shortly after their mid-20's and settle into enjoying the alcoholic beverage of their choice in moderation. For you to believe that it's a possibility that, generally, most people drink to get drunk says something about those who surround you and how you've been affected by alcohol abuse.

I was going to point out the same thing. I host dinner parties fairly regularly, and we always pop open a few bottles of wine and/or break open some six-packs. Over the course of 3-4 hours, most of my friends will have 2-4 alcoholic drinks. Some will drink more, some will drink less. I don't view any of them as being irresponsible drinkers.

I'm hosting a party tomorrow. We have alcoholic beverages ready to go. The people coming to that party drink responsibly (have a DD, don't over indulge, etc). But there are always people who do not drink responsibly. since I am the host I am responsible for their safety. You drink in my house, you don't drive. End of story. I don't want to lose a friend to a preventable situation and I don't want the liability of being the host of party that someone left drunk.

I just don't believe that alcohol is necessary to have a good time and that drinking to get drunk (whether daily or rarely) is one of the stupidest things you can do. Surely alcohol is not the only catalyst to a good time. If it is, what does that say about society?

Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 

Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.

Why does alcohol make a party a hell of a lot better? I have never understood this sentiment.

Where do I draw the line? It depends on the person and how much I trust them. My FH or my best friend can probably get away with a couple more than the average person. I just think multiple drinks at any time is just excessive... just like I think eating an entire cake is excessive. Actually, I think one person eating an entire cake in one sitting is pretty stupid too.

I believe in this thing called moderation, which few people seem to adhere to in social settings. Not to mention a lot of people consider weddings with open bars a time to completely lose their shit because they aren't paying for it (directly quoting quite a few conversations over the years).

madamerwin

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

Seriously. Look up your local al-anon chapter. You've got hang ups about alcohol that scream "adult child of an alcoholic". 

Most people can control their drinking. I do drink to get drunk sometimes. Sometimes I don't, but sometimes I do. I make the decision to get drunk before I start drinking, I make sure I have a ride if I'm out, I drink water, and I get home safely.

I'm not an alcoholic, I don't always drink to get drunk, and if I am drinking to get drunk I make sure I'm in the appropriate venue for such shenanigans. Mom's work Christmas party? Nope. Drag show at the gay bar? Bring on the vodka please!

This is called being an adult. This is how most adults who are not alcoholics behave. The fact that you equate all drinking with alcoholic behavior tells me mom/dad was an alcoholic or perhaps still is and you haven't dealt with your shit and instead are blaming everyone around you. Handle. Your. Shit.

Shit's handled, TYVM. Just not in the way you think it should be.

By seeing a therapist or attending a support group? You're not handling your hang ups about alcohol with people who have been there or a train professional? You're just ignoring it hoping it goes away? Blaming other people?

Honey, that is not handling your shit at all. Putting your issues onto other people is the exact opposite of handling your shit actually.

I feel no need to share this personal information on a public message board. Think as you like. It does not bother me.

But you have no problem, on a public message board, referring to your FILs as stupid? Your friends as stupid? And people who drink to excess (in your opinion) as stupid? You have no problem talking about watching people who drink "like a hawk" and micromanaging the shit out of everyone you know? 

But talking about if you've ever even tried to work on your very clear hang-ups with alcohol, that's just TOO FAR.

Those are pretty arbitrary lines to be drawing the sand sweet cheeks. 

Yup. For you, those lines are pretty damn concrete. For someone else, probably not so much.

I feel like your responses are becoming increasingly nonsensical.

notdoingitbythebook

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

banana468 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

I've seen the "first two tickets are on us and then you're on your own" at a lot of organized parties so I'm not really sure why a wedding suddenly makes it wrong to do but apparently it is. I think offering a certain amount of free booze and then letting people buy their own is perfectly reasonable but then I think that there is entirely too much emphasis on alcohol at social events and I desperately wish people would stop equating alcohol service with good hosting. Honestly, if you believe that you need alcohol to have a good time you're doing something wrong. The event and the people should be the reason why you're having a good time, not how drunk you can get. Being drunk or even buzzed isn't attractive and it drives me crazy how society expects alcohol for a good time.

So honestly, I think a few drink tickets per person and then everyone is on their own is just fine. Unfortunately, societal expectations differ so you have to offer free booze to everyone lest you get the side eye for not allowing everyone to get plastered on your dime and make idiots of themselves.

Would you do this with anything else offered?

How about the first three items of appetizers are free but if you want another shrimp cocktail shooter then that's going to be $2?   Pig in a blanket?   After your first two, that's going to cost you a buck fifty.

Do you like coffee?  Great - you'll get a cup on the house.   After that, you're going to need to pay $4.   They use Starbucks donchaknow.   

Oh, and cake?   Well a small piece will be free but a larger piece is $4.   And if you want it with two strawberries then that's $6.

Oh - you don't do that with food and only with booze??    Why is it OK to charge your guests for alcohol as if it's some kind of extra but not for the rest of the items offered?   The last time I checked, people don't leave the average reception hungry. 

I don't see alcohol as a requirement. I see it as something that is overstated as a requirement for a good time. So yes, I do think that people should be responsible for their own consumption, especially if they are going to overindulge as most do at parties. I don't feel like I should be required to fund someone's stupidity because society has dictated that the only way to have fun at a social gathering is to get drunk.

I would much prefer to have people be responsible for their own beverages at a wedding just like they are responsible for their own beverages at all other social gatherings in familar circles.

But don't fret, we're having an open bar even though I think it's stupid. It's a part of the package we got so whatever. I just have strict instructions in place to prevent over consumption.

You have some serious issues with alcohol that I think you need to get over and deal with.

And you project your own issues on to other people by making condescending judgements and unfair sweeping generalizations.

When people suggest therapy on these boards lately, it goes over like a lead balloon so my suggestion is to have the stick removed from your ass- it's an out patient procedure- and then have a fucking drink.  Or a Xanax.

Oh I don't think that my sweeping generalizations are that off base. Maybe unfair to a select few but overall I've got it pegged right. Your shining example of telling me to take the stick out of my ass is a prime example. But thanks. I'll not take it under advisement. As I said elsewhere, I don't think you have my best interests at heart.

No honey, you haven't.  Your views are very close minded, judgmental, and come across as very immature.  From what you have told us, there are a select group of people in your social circle that you believe drink to excess- and maybe they really do, but you don't strike me as a reliable judge of character on this issue.  So you are projecting your issues with that group of people onto everyone who enjoys drinking.  That is the definition of a sweeping generalization, and it is very off base.

You also seem to be very hostile towards people you claim are your friends and family, calling them stupid, morons, etc over and over again in your posts.  Man do you have rage and resentment issues.

I suggest you deal with those issues by talking to your FI, because it seems he's part of the problem, right?  You had to give in to him and his family and host an open bar right?

And if you are actually seeing a therapist, I think you need to discuss this rage, resentment, and your attitude on alcohol with them.  Why do I ask?  Because you're coming across as a person who would greatly benefit from sorting through those issues.  It's not fun to go through life upset and stressed.  Everyone should be able to enjot life and be happy.

But don't listen to anything I say, because clearly I'm not trying to help you ><

Now, how was me telling you to get the stick out of your ass reflective of people drinking, which was the greater issue we were discussing?  Oh, It's not.  ><

Thanks for the unsolicited advice. Welcome to the interwebz.  Until I know you in person, I will not take your opinion under advisement.   Then why are you posting on an internet message board?  You aren't here seeking any kind of wedding planning advice or information from others?  I know that in this particular instance you aren't the OP, but you don't want any wedding related advice?  If you think I'm rage filled, you're wrong. But that's okay. It doesn't bother me.  I do think you have rage issues because of how many times you referred to family and friends as "stupid" "morons" etc. and by how resentful you come across as having to host an open bar due to your FI and your FILs.  And other posters here are picking up on those same things, so I'm not wrong.  But you can think otherwise.

In this one aspect of the wedding, hellz ya I'm resentful. But I won on other aspects. I'm down with the whole card box thing right now (and even asked advice on something... shocking I know). Alcohol is an extremely touchy issue. But why don't we go talk cake or flowers or something... there not so much. Everyone has their hot points. This is one of them for me. What is it for you?

thespeshulestsnowflake

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

banana468 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

I've seen the "first two tickets are on us and then you're on your own" at a lot of organized parties so I'm not really sure why a wedding suddenly makes it wrong to do but apparently it is. I think offering a certain amount of free booze and then letting people buy their own is perfectly reasonable but then I think that there is entirely too much emphasis on alcohol at social events and I desperately wish people would stop equating alcohol service with good hosting. Honestly, if you believe that you need alcohol to have a good time you're doing something wrong. The event and the people should be the reason why you're having a good time, not how drunk you can get. Being drunk or even buzzed isn't attractive and it drives me crazy how society expects alcohol for a good time.

So honestly, I think a few drink tickets per person and then everyone is on their own is just fine. Unfortunately, societal expectations differ so you have to offer free booze to everyone lest you get the side eye for not allowing everyone to get plastered on your dime and make idiots of themselves.

Would you do this with anything else offered?

How about the first three items of appetizers are free but if you want another shrimp cocktail shooter then that's going to be $2?   Pig in a blanket?   After your first two, that's going to cost you a buck fifty.

Do you like coffee?  Great - you'll get a cup on the house.   After that, you're going to need to pay $4.   They use Starbucks donchaknow.   

Oh, and cake?   Well a small piece will be free but a larger piece is $4.   And if you want it with two strawberries then that's $6.

Oh - you don't do that with food and only with booze??    Why is it OK to charge your guests for alcohol as if it's some kind of extra but not for the rest of the items offered?   The last time I checked, people don't leave the average reception hungry. 

I don't see alcohol as a requirement. I see it as something that is overstated as a requirement for a good time. So yes, I do think that people should be responsible for their own consumption, especially if they are going to overindulge as most do at parties. I don't feel like I should be required to fund someone's stupidity because society has dictated that the only way to have fun at a social gathering is to get drunk.

I would much prefer to have people be responsible for their own beverages at a wedding just like they are responsible for their own beverages at all other social gatherings in familar circles.

But don't fret, we're having an open bar even though I think it's stupid. It's a part of the package we got so whatever. I just have strict instructions in place to prevent over consumption.

You have some serious issues with alcohol that I think you need to get over and deal with.

And you project your own issues on to other people by making condescending judgements and unfair sweeping generalizations.

When people suggest therapy on these boards lately, it goes over like a lead balloon so my suggestion is to have the stick removed from your ass- it's an out patient procedure- and then have a fucking drink.  Or a Xanax.

Oh I don't think that my sweeping generalizations are that off base. Maybe unfair to a select few but overall I've got it pegged right. Your shining example of telling me to take the stick out of my ass is a prime example. But thanks. I'll not take it under advisement. As I said elsewhere, I don't think you have my best interests at heart.

No honey, you haven't.  Your views are very close minded, judgmental, and come across as very immature.  From what you have told us, there are a select group of people in your social circle that you believe drink to excess- and maybe they really do, but you don't strike me as a reliable judge of character on this issue.  So you are projecting your issues with that group of people onto everyone who enjoys drinking.  That is the definition of a sweeping generalization, and it is very off base.

You also seem to be very hostile towards people you claim are your friends and family, calling them stupid, morons, etc over and over again in your posts.  Man do you have rage and resentment issues.

I suggest you deal with those issues by talking to your FI, because it seems he's part of the problem, right?  You had to give in to him and his family and host an open bar right?

And if you are actually seeing a therapist, I think you need to discuss this rage, resentment, and your attitude on alcohol with them.  Why do I ask?  Because you're coming across as a person who would greatly benefit from sorting through those issues.  It's not fun to go through life upset and stressed.  Everyone should be able to enjot life and be happy.

But don't listen to anything I say, because clearly I'm not trying to help you ><

Now, how was me telling you to get the stick out of your ass reflective of people drinking, which was the greater issue we were discussing?  Oh, It's not.  ><

Thanks for the unsolicited advice. Welcome to the interwebz.  Until I know you in person, I will not take your opinion under advisement.   Then why are you posting on an internet message board?  You aren't here seeking any kind of wedding planning advice or information from others?  I know that in this particular instance you aren't the OP, but you don't want any wedding related advice?  If you think I'm rage filled, you're wrong. But that's okay. It doesn't bother me.  I do think you have rage issues because of how many times you referred to family and friends as "stupid" "morons" etc. and by how resentful you come across as having to host an open bar due to your FI and your FILs.  And other posters here are picking up on those same things, so I'm not wrong.  But you can think otherwise.

In this one aspect of the wedding, hellz ya I'm resentful. But I won on other aspects. I'm down with the whole card box thing right now (and even asked advice on something... shocking I know). Alcohol is an extremely touchy issue. But why don't we go talk cake or flowers or something... there not so much. Everyone has their hot points. This is one of them for me. What is it for you?

It seems silly to be resentful about. Other than you paying for it, how does it affect you? Does the sight of other people drinking make you cry?

notdoingitbythebook

flantastic said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

Seriously. Look up your local al-anon chapter. You've got hang ups about alcohol that scream "adult child of an alcoholic". 

Most people can control their drinking. I do drink to get drunk sometimes. Sometimes I don't, but sometimes I do. I make the decision to get drunk before I start drinking, I make sure I have a ride if I'm out, I drink water, and I get home safely.

I'm not an alcoholic, I don't always drink to get drunk, and if I am drinking to get drunk I make sure I'm in the appropriate venue for such shenanigans. Mom's work Christmas party? Nope. Drag show at the gay bar? Bring on the vodka please!

This is called being an adult. This is how most adults who are not alcoholics behave. The fact that you equate all drinking with alcoholic behavior tells me mom/dad was an alcoholic or perhaps still is and you haven't dealt with your shit and instead are blaming everyone around you. Handle. Your. Shit.

Shit's handled, TYVM. Just not in the way you think it should be.

By seeing a therapist or attending a support group? You're not handling your hang ups about alcohol with people who have been there or a train professional? You're just ignoring it hoping it goes away? Blaming other people?

Honey, that is not handling your shit at all. Putting your issues onto other people is the exact opposite of handling your shit actually.

I feel no need to share this personal information on a public message board. Think as you like. It does not bother me.

But you have no problem, on a public message board, referring to your FILs as stupid? Your friends as stupid? And people who drink to excess (in your opinion) as stupid? You have no problem talking about watching people who drink "like a hawk" and micromanaging the shit out of everyone you know? 

But talking about if you've ever even tried to work on your very clear hang-ups with alcohol, that's just TOO FAR.

Those are pretty arbitrary lines to be drawing the sand sweet cheeks. 

Yup. For you, those lines are pretty damn concrete. For someone else, probably not so much.

Are you incapable of making sense?

Yes. I made perfect sense. The lines in the sand I have drawn with her are 100% concrete. I'm not moving them a millimeter for her.

PrettyGirlLost

notdoingitbythebook said:

banana468 said:

Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 

Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.

Why does alcohol make a party a hell of a lot better? I have never understood this sentiment.  Do you like to drink?  Honest question.  If you do not, no one will be able to explain this statement to you.  It would be akin to a person who always wanted to and chose to have children explaining to a person who has never wanted and chose to be child free why kids are the best thing ever.

Where do I draw the line? It depends on the person and how much I trust them. My FH or my best friend can probably get away with a couple more than the average person. I just think multiple drinks at any time is just excessive... just like I think eating an entire cake is excessive. Actually, I think one person eating an entire cake in one sitting is pretty stupid too.

I believe in this thing called moderation, which few people seem to adhere to in social settings. Not to mention a lot of people consider weddings with open bars a time to completely lose their shit because they aren't paying for it (directly quoting quite a few conversations over the years).   And those are shitty or juvenile- as in young- people who are not actually representative of the majority of social drinkers.  So you are extrapolating the behavior of a few gross people out onto the wider population of people who like to drink socially- which is called a sweeping generalization.

Do your FILs have a drinking problem?  Are they actually alcoholics?  Or do they just drink too much in your opinion?  How about your FI?  I'm only asking because your FIL's and your FI are the ones that really wanted the open bar, right?

Cookie Pusher

banana468 said:

MagicInk said:

I just wanna point out, I've been known to do that stone cold sober.

My mom danced like a crazy woman at my wedding.   People thought she was loaded and in reality she'd had a half a glass of wine.   She just channeled her inner Elaine. 

I'm more likely to dance on the table when I'm sober because I get a little clumsy when I'm drunk.

Also, my mom was the same way at my wedding, except she doesn't drink at all. We have awesome pictures of her totally letting loose on the dance floor. Clearly, alcohol is NOT needed to have fun in my family.

PrettyGirlLost

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

Thanks for the unsolicited advice. Welcome to the interwebz.  Until I know you in person, I will not take your opinion under advisement.   Then why are you posting on an internet message board?  You aren't here seeking any kind of wedding planning advice or information from others?  I know that in this particular instance you aren't the OP, but you don't want any wedding related advice?  If you think I'm rage filled, you're wrong. But that's okay. It doesn't bother me.  I do think you have rage issues because of how many times you referred to family and friends as "stupid" "morons" etc. and by how resentful you come across as having to host an open bar due to your FI and your FILs.  And other posters here are picking up on those same things, so I'm not wrong.  But you can think otherwise.

In this one aspect of the wedding, hellz ya I'm resentful. But I won on other aspects. I'm down with the whole card box thing right now (and even asked advice on something... shocking I know). Alcohol is an extremely touchy issue. But why don't we go talk cake or flowers or something... there not so much. Everyone has their hot points. This is one of them for me. What is it for you?

Ok good, you admit it!

Since alcohol is this touchy a subject of you and you are so against it, I wonder why you choose to give in on this issue, instead of standing your ground?  And why wouldn't your FI support you on this?

What on Earth were the other two hills you refused to die on?

ashley8918

notdoingitbythebook said:

flantastic said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

MagicInk said:

Seriously. Look up your local al-anon chapter. You've got hang ups about alcohol that scream "adult child of an alcoholic". 

Most people can control their drinking. I do drink to get drunk sometimes. Sometimes I don't, but sometimes I do. I make the decision to get drunk before I start drinking, I make sure I have a ride if I'm out, I drink water, and I get home safely.

I'm not an alcoholic, I don't always drink to get drunk, and if I am drinking to get drunk I make sure I'm in the appropriate venue for such shenanigans. Mom's work Christmas party? Nope. Drag show at the gay bar? Bring on the vodka please!

This is called being an adult. This is how most adults who are not alcoholics behave. The fact that you equate all drinking with alcoholic behavior tells me mom/dad was an alcoholic or perhaps still is and you haven't dealt with your shit and instead are blaming everyone around you. Handle. Your. Shit.

Shit's handled, TYVM. Just not in the way you think it should be.

By seeing a therapist or attending a support group? You're not handling your hang ups about alcohol with people who have been there or a train professional? You're just ignoring it hoping it goes away? Blaming other people?

Honey, that is not handling your shit at all. Putting your issues onto other people is the exact opposite of handling your shit actually.

I feel no need to share this personal information on a public message board. Think as you like. It does not bother me.

But you have no problem, on a public message board, referring to your FILs as stupid? Your friends as stupid? And people who drink to excess (in your opinion) as stupid? You have no problem talking about watching people who drink "like a hawk" and micromanaging the shit out of everyone you know? 

But talking about if you've ever even tried to work on your very clear hang-ups with alcohol, that's just TOO FAR.

Those are pretty arbitrary lines to be drawing the sand sweet cheeks. 

Yup. For you, those lines are pretty damn concrete. For someone else, probably not so much.

Are you incapable of making sense?

Yes. I made perfect sense. The lines in the sand I have drawn with her are 100% concrete. I'm not moving them a millimeter for her.

notdoingitbythebook

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

banana468 said:

Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 

Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.

Why does alcohol make a party a hell of a lot better? I have never understood this sentiment.  Do you like to drink?  Honest question.  If you do not, no one will be able to explain this statement to you.  It would be akin to a person who always wanted to and chose to have children explaining to a person who has never wanted and chose to be child free why kids are the best thing ever.

Where do I draw the line? It depends on the person and how much I trust them. My FH or my best friend can probably get away with a couple more than the average person. I just think multiple drinks at any time is just excessive... just like I think eating an entire cake is excessive. Actually, I think one person eating an entire cake in one sitting is pretty stupid too.

I believe in this thing called moderation, which few people seem to adhere to in social settings. Not to mention a lot of people consider weddings with open bars a time to completely lose their shit because they aren't paying for it (directly quoting quite a few conversations over the years).   And those are shitty or juvenile- as in young- people who are not actually representative of the majority of social drinkers.  So you are extrapolating the behavior of a few gross people out onto the wider population of people who like to drink socially- which is called a sweeping generalization.

Do your FILs have a drinking problem?  Are they actually alcoholics?  Or do they just drink too much in your opinion?  How about your FI?  I'm only asking because your FIL's and your FI are the ones that really wanted the open bar, right?

I drink very rarely and if I do it's one and then I'm done. I get wicked migraines from alcohol so most of the time it's just not worth the bother. I am usually the DD, which is fine because I know people get home safe but also a drag when it comes to dealing with some people.

Are there drinking issues in my ILs families? Yes. Do I think they drink too much? Yes. It's a focus point of all celebrations. They do celebratory shots (which is why we are not doing a receiving line or having them available in the cocktail hour) at all occasions. I just think this is ridiculous to have that much alcohol be that much of a focus. My family has alcohol but it is not a focal point. I think having a normal drink and then having shots on top of that is excessive. This is a normal cultural thing for them. For me, it is an uncomfortable awkward thing to sit through. I generally "take the air" when this shit starts.

 

esstee33

notdoingitbythebook said:

banana468 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

Cookie Pusher said:

geebee908 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

geebee908 said:

ashley8918 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

banana468 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

I've seen the "first two tickets are on us and then you're on your own" at a lot of organized parties so I'm not really sure why a wedding suddenly makes it wrong to do but apparently it is. I think offering a certain amount of free booze and then letting people buy their own is perfectly reasonable but then I think that there is entirely too much emphasis on alcohol at social events and I desperately wish people would stop equating alcohol service with good hosting. Honestly, if you believe that you need alcohol to have a good time you're doing something wrong. The event and the people should be the reason why you're having a good time, not how drunk you can get. Being drunk or even buzzed isn't attractive and it drives me crazy how society expects alcohol for a good time.

So honestly, I think a few drink tickets per person and then everyone is on their own is just fine. Unfortunately, societal expectations differ so you have to offer free booze to everyone lest you get the side eye for not allowing everyone to get plastered on your dime and make idiots of themselves.

Would you do this with anything else offered?

How about the first three items of appetizers are free but if you want another shrimp cocktail shooter then that's going to be $2?   Pig in a blanket?   After your first two, that's going to cost you a buck fifty.

Do you like coffee?  Great - you'll get a cup on the house.   After that, you're going to need to pay $4.   They use Starbucks donchaknow.   

Oh, and cake?   Well a small piece will be free but a larger piece is $4.   And if you want it with two strawberries then that's $6.

Oh - you don't do that with food and only with booze??    Why is it OK to charge your guests for alcohol as if it's some kind of extra but not for the rest of the items offered?   The last time I checked, people don't leave the average reception hungry. 

I don't see alcohol as a requirement. I see it as something that is overstated as a requirement for a good time. So yes, I do think that people should be responsible for their own consumption, especially if they are going to overindulge as most do at parties. I don't feel like I should be required to fund someone's stupidity because society has dictated that the only way to have fun at a social gathering is to get drunk.

I would much prefer to have people be responsible for their own beverages at a wedding just like they are responsible for their own beverages at all other social gatherings in familar circles.

But don't fret, we're having an open bar even though I think it's stupid. It's a part of the package we got so whatever. I just have strict instructions in place to prevent over consumption.

You have some serious issues with alcohol that I think you need to get over and deal with.

And you project your own issues on to other people by making condescending judgements and unfair sweeping generalizations.

When people suggest therapy on these boards lately, it goes over like a lead balloon so my suggestion is to have the stick removed from your ass- it's an out patient procedure- and then have a fucking drink.  Or a Xanax.

Oh I don't think that my sweeping generalizations are that off base. Maybe unfair to a select few but overall I've got it pegged right. Your shining example of telling me to take the stick out of my ass is a prime example. But thanks. I'll not take it under advisement. As I said elsewhere, I don't think you have my best interests at heart.

You have real issues with alcohol. You should see a therapist.

You are coming off as pretty fanatical about this. I was just thinking the same thing as Ashley just posted, and this is coming from the child of an alcoholic. You have to learn to deal with the fact that people can and will drink, some to excess.

Alcohol consumption's been part of the of celebration of life in almost every culture since ancient times. You're not going magically change the culture by saying you believe it shouldn't be that way.

Never said I expected everyone to change, That does not stop me from having the opinion that society is overly obsessed with alcohol. Can people drink responsibly? Yes. Do most people? The jury's out on that one. I can understand drinking in moderation to enjoy the drink. I will never understand drinking to get drunk or having to be drunk to have a good time. I know I won't change it, and it would be nice if people stopped trying to change me about this.

This is where I think your world view on adults drinking must be skewed. I get the sense that you must have a number of substance abusers among people you know, because that vast majority of people outgrow the "drink to get drunk" mentality shortly after their mid-20's and settle into enjoying the alcoholic beverage of their choice in moderation. For you to believe that it's a possibility that, generally, most people drink to get drunk says something about those who surround you and how you've been affected by alcohol abuse.

I was going to point out the same thing. I host dinner parties fairly regularly, and we always pop open a few bottles of wine and/or break open some six-packs. Over the course of 3-4 hours, most of my friends will have 2-4 alcoholic drinks. Some will drink more, some will drink less. I don't view any of them as being irresponsible drinkers.

I'm hosting a party tomorrow. We have alcoholic beverages ready to go. The people coming to that party drink responsibly (have a DD, don't over indulge, etc). But there are always people who do not drink responsibly. since I am the host I am responsible for their safety. You drink in my house, you don't drive. End of story. I don't want to lose a friend to a preventable situation and I don't want the liability of being the host of party that someone left drunk.

I just don't believe that alcohol is necessary to have a good time and that drinking to get drunk (whether daily or rarely) is one of the stupidest things you can do. Surely alcohol is not the only catalyst to a good time. If it is, what does that say about society?

Where do you draw the line?   I had a few glasses of wine so I'm drunk or I'm dancing on tables?   I feel like you are purposely not clarifying what makes someone intoxicated and whtere or not someone is becomes strictly your judgement call.  You haven't proven that how you arrive at such a conclusion makes sense. 

Your statement about not needing alcohol to have a good time is fine.   But again, it smacks of being completely defensive.   I think the average person doesn't think it's required but it makes the party a hell of a lot better.    Similarly you don't need an ass ton of food or great cake but you know what - a good cake can help.

Why does alcohol make a party a hell of a lot better? I have never understood this sentiment.

Where do I draw the line? It depends on the person and how much I trust them. My FH or my best friend can probably get away with a couple more than the average person. I just think multiple drinks at any time is just excessive... just like I think eating an entire cake is excessive. Actually, I think one person eating an entire cake in one sitting is pretty stupid too.

I believe in this thing called moderation, which few people seem to adhere to in social settings. Not to mention a lot of people consider weddings with open bars a time to completely lose their shit because they aren't paying for it (directly quoting quite a few conversations over the years).

Man those boxes are pretty. (Apparently it doesn't show the boxes when it actually posts, but it DOES show them in the reader, and they're such wonderful shades of grey.)

But also, here's the thing: basically everyone in this thread has said that dry weddings are perfectly fine. ALCOHOL IS NOT NECESSARY FOR ANY EVENT. I'm terribly sorry if your shitty, asshole friends and family have implied that your wedding will be "less than" if it doesn't have a full, open bar. That's THEIR problem. That makes THEM assholes. You had other options, and instead you decided to compromise and go with an open bar. That's not the fault of anyone here, so why are you acting like a massive ass to everyone? Deal with your own fucking choices.  

WE'RE NOT YOUR PROBLEM. YOUR SHITTY FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE. 

Stop being so nasty and you might get more polite responses. 

And, yeah, add me to the list of people who think you need serious psychological help for your obvious bitterness and resentment towards anyone who enjoys alcohol. Whatever your fucking issues, they're definitely not dealt with. 

notdoingitbythebook

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

Thanks for the unsolicited advice. Welcome to the interwebz.  Until I know you in person, I will not take your opinion under advisement.   Then why are you posting on an internet message board?  You aren't here seeking any kind of wedding planning advice or information from others?  I know that in this particular instance you aren't the OP, but you don't want any wedding related advice?  If you think I'm rage filled, you're wrong. But that's okay. It doesn't bother me.  I do think you have rage issues because of how many times you referred to family and friends as "stupid" "morons" etc. and by how resentful you come across as having to host an open bar due to your FI and your FILs.  And other posters here are picking up on those same things, so I'm not wrong.  But you can think otherwise.

In this one aspect of the wedding, hellz ya I'm resentful. But I won on other aspects. I'm down with the whole card box thing right now (and even asked advice on something... shocking I know). Alcohol is an extremely touchy issue. But why don't we go talk cake or flowers or something... there not so much. Everyone has their hot points. This is one of them for me. What is it for you?

Ok good, you admit it!

Since alcohol is this touchy a subject of you and you are so against it, I wonder why you choose to give in on this issue, instead of standing your ground?  And why wouldn't your FI support you on this?

What on Earth were the other two hills you refused to die on?

The location and marrying in the church. Those were much bigger hills to die on. Their attempts to get their way were impressive.

Why didn't FH support me in a dry wedding? Because he likes to drink socially and he knew it would be a big bone of contention. I gave in as long as he promised some control over it. So far, so good. And it's his wedding to, it's not all about me.