Bar related question

flantastic · May 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

drunkenwitch said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

cupcait927 said:

sarawifenow said:
I admit I am still reading through this, but I have to stop and say that @notdoingthisbythebook it seems like you don't really like your friends and/or wedding guests. So far I have seen you call them morons, admit to micromanaging their behavior, and allude to the fact that you don't think that grown adults can handle themselves at a wedding. So I wonder, why didn't you just elope?

I'm wondering the same. I'm also wondering why you didn't stand up for yourself more in regards to the bar at your wedding. I know you said that your FI and your "stupid inlaws" wanted it but it's your wedding as well. I just think that you should've fought harder for a better compromise because you seem pretty darn miserable about the whole thing.
Why? Because it's not all about me. Because I'm in the minority on this subject. Because I was tired of fighting. Because my FH agreed to put some limitations on the bar to achieve some kind of compromise. Because the open bar is a part of the venue package. Because I'd already chosen two hills to die on and I was tired of fighting. But mostly because I know am in the minority about this. Honestly, this hostility is pretty much on par with what everything thinks about booze and I think that sucks. But it's not enough to change my mind on it. So I stopped fighing and let my FH have something he wanted at the wedding even if it really bothers me. There are other hills to die on.
why in the bloody blue blazes are you marrying someone you are constantly fighting with? Fuck it I give up is not the way to start a marriage.

And your posts are more entertaining than a diva having an on stage meltdown in the middle of opening night. This is fun.

Despite the miscategorization of me and the relationship I have with my FH, I am glad that you are amused.

In turn, I find the false concern and constant misunderstanding amusing. It makes the time go by in an otherwise boring time of day.
Then care to explain what the deal is with your FILs that they have to be "handled" after you and your FI are married? What exactly are you and your FI going to do to "handle" his family? Why do you both think waiting until you are married is going to make his family more receptive to being "handled"?

I just don't understand any of this logic.

We can only go by the information you tell us, and so far all that has been is that you think your FILs drink too much, really you think anyone who drinks more than a drink or two over the course of a single evening is drinking to excess, you are resentful of the fact that you compromised with your FI to have an open bar, and that once you are married you are somehow going to change how you act towards his family because they are so awful and need to be dealt with, and your FI is ok with that.

You are the one miscategorizing what ppl have said. . . no one said they feared for the demise of your relationship. No one thinks you all of a sudden deciding to confront his family out of the blue once married is going to work, though.

But good luck with that! I'm sure they will see the error of their ways and apologize and stop acting up!

No, actually I do not care to. I do not feel that this is the place to say anything as it will be immediately misconstrued. I made the mistake of saying anything at all. Quite frankly, I reserve discussing this kind of thing with the small group of people that I trust, of which this board is not part of that. Yesterday I was riled up, today I frankly just do not care.
It also seems like you are prying for information as a gossip rather than being actually itnerested in either understanding where I am coming from or who I am. If I am not correct in that assumption, I apologize.
Yep, you are 100% incorrect.

I enjoy discussing things with people and trying to help them with issues- be they wedding related or family related. That's why I participate on these boards.

And what have you said so far that has been misconstrued? I said that you seem to have resentment issues based on the language you were using to describe your FILs, other friends/family, and the open bar itself, and after initially claiming no, you did admit that you do resent having to have an open bar.

How does one gossip about someone you don't actually know, to other people who don't know them? I honestly don't know how gossip over a message board works.

I'm pretty sure the reason you don't want to share is because you know that we will also tell you that your FILs behavior falls in the range of normal and is most definitely not your business or something to confront them over. That's what you mean by "misconstrued," and you don't want to have to respond in a way that comes down to "No, really, I promise it's an issue! You'd have to be there." Which, I suppose, is helpful to the situation. As long as you know that a large number of people would think it was an overreaction before you even open your mouth, that is at least a step in the right direction.

anjemon · May 2015

I'm not trying to be confrontational or tell you how to post @notdoingitbythebook, but I think you could help with some of the misconstruing issue.

You tend to be very vague with what you're talking about. Possibly because you don't like sharing personal information and possibly because you don't trust the internet strangers. And that's okay. But if you put some qualifiers in there, we might not jump to the level of seriousness that seems to bother you. Without some little details we tend to go to the extreme, because without details we don't know the level of seriousness and we want to make sure we take real issues seriously. And because some people have had the real serious issues in their lives so that's where they go. You don't to share anything personal, but the vague references make people ask questions and think things are serious and you obviously don't like that.

I would also advise not mentioning things you are going to refuse to discuss or give any information about. Because this is a message board and we will ask questions.

whovianstark · May 2015

@notdoingitbythebook I don't know if you are still around but here is my two cents. I agree with PPs that you seem to have deep issues with alcohol. I get what you are saying, that it is not just your wedding and that is all good if you want the groomsmen to wear hot pink suits. BUT , things like getting married in a church and serving alcohol at the wedding are personal decisions that I think, even if his family is paying, you have every right to "die on that hill". If someone had tried to force me to get married in a church (not that I have anything against church weddings they just aren't for me!), I would have said "just for that I am getting married in a strip club".

I have someone very close to me whose life has just been destroyed by drug abuse and so whenever I even hear people talk about narcotic use it makes me uncomfortable. So, if PPs are right that you have a personal issue with alcohol... If it were me I couldn't image not only having it at my wedding but paying for it. I would have put my foot down. Or maybe had a wedding in the morning.

bride2b71614 · May 2015

@notdoingitbythebook, do you realize how increasingly hostile you come across after each of your responses? I don't think I've read the word fools, foolish, stupid, assholish in reference to behavior more times in any other thread other than the ranch dressing lady debacle. Your language indicates to us that there are far more issues re: alcohol and your FILs that we can only draw upon by your vague but angry responses.

Look special snowflakes usually say that they feel sorry for our husbands and would GBCK at this point but I am impressed you stuck around this long to passionately argue for policing alcohol at your wedding. I am also very alarmed at the fact that your compromise for your FI being able to have alcohol at the reception is to have limited contact with his family after the wedding. That seems like a horrible and unrealistic trade off to me. I sincerely hope he understands that's what he's agreeing to because if you're as vague as you are here IRL I can see how problematic that'd be in the future.

FFS I need a cocktail after getting through this thread.