Limits on my FIs bachelor party???

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_limits-fis-bachelor-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a3c8a40e-9ccd-4adf-9d2c-5c5069441047Post:793f87aa-1087-4bfb-8fe0-17fc2b7e6ded">Re: Limits on my FIs bachelor party???</a>:
[QUOTE]My Fiance's best man is a partier who likes to visit strip clubs regularly. My fiance has never been to one. I asked him not to go and he said that he hadn't even wanted to. I trust my fiance, but <strong>I don't think that putting temptation in front of him in a high-pressured situation is smart</strong>. I would be way pissed if I came home and found an almost naked woman giving my fiance a lap dance. Just because it's at a strip club or party doesn't make that act any better. Another woman still has her boobs in his face or her but on his lap and he is lusting for her and mentally having sex with her. I don't want to worry that when he comes home and has sex with me that he's fantasizing about some stripper. Even though he's not that kind of guy, it would make me feel insecure and he knows that and cares about my feelings enough not to go. With movies like "the hangover" and "i hope they serve beer in hell," men are feeling pressured to have these wild and borderline infidelitous bachelor parties. I think it's ridiculous and uncalled for. If a man really loves the woman he wants to marry, he shouldn't feel the need to go look at another naked woman.
Posted by crolleys@mailbox.sc.edu[/QUOTE]

They are not dogs. They have brains and can control themselves. Promise.

And trust me. Fantasizing is just par for the course. Do you honestly think that he is going to go the rest of his life without looking at or thinking about another naked woman? If so, bless your heart.

J&K10910

Embrace the strippers.  Fewer BJs for you!

goheels05

LOL J&K!!!

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_limits-fis-bachelor-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a3c8a40e-9ccd-4adf-9d2c-5c5069441047Post:710bd23e-6b00-430f-afb5-ed4080f08e2d">Re: Limits on my FIs bachelor party???</a>:
[QUOTE]Embrace the strippers.  Fewer BJs for you!
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

This should be a bumper sticker.

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_limits-fis-bachelor-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a3c8a40e-9ccd-4adf-9d2c-5c5069441047Post:779b31a8-10d8-4a0d-8501-b91449da5db6">Re: Limits on my FIs bachelor party???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Limits on my FIs bachelor party??? : This should be a bumper sticker.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

I agree.  Strippers are very practical.  Porn too.  Just sayin'.

BecW2be

You should be ashamed, J&K. ASHAMED!

elycase

I encouraged strippers at my FI party but he told me he didnt want any...said if he wanted to see boobs he would come home and ask me!!  LOL!!  And to see mine its free!!!  My thought on this is if he cheats I WILL find out and he will lose me, so after I told him those exact words he said he understood and that was the end of it!!  We both spent the next day together snuggling and getting rid of our hangovers together.

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_limits-fis-bachelor-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a3c8a40e-9ccd-4adf-9d2c-5c5069441047Post:a764ef73-0de5-41b0-9952-7f3aba8a2cec">Re: Limits on my FIs bachelor party???</a>:
[QUOTE]You should be ashamed, J&K. ASHAMED!
Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

Pipe down, prude ;)

[Deleted User]

My FI knows that if he even thinks about another woman's boobies, I will put his junk in a blender and make him drink it, but I will save just a little of it, find where the woman that he was thinking about lives, and then make her drink the rest of it.

Beth1031

I think actually putting limits on the b-party is a little much.  You should be able to communicate with him and be able to voice your concern.  But "laying down the law will make you seem insecure and controlling. My FI talked about what would make us comfortable and uncomfortable.  His brother (who is not the BM has dubbed himself as the one throwing the party) leads a VERY different life-style than us.  My BM who is throwing mine is on the same page as me.  Both our parties are a surprise, but we gave each a set of "rules".  We expressed to them what we absolutely don't want and asked them to respect out wishes when planning.  Not a lot of rules, simple things that contradict what we believe and like. We agreed that if they can't respect us, then we will not participate.  It sounds harsh, but being on the same paage with your FI and knowing you can trust and respect each other will go a long way. 

nikkilee42

There is a MAJOR different in a strip club and strippers coming to a private place like a hotel room. I would have a conversation with your fiance and tell him you're just not comfortable with the idea of strippers not being supervised. Even though you trust him, I wouldn't trust his 'partying' friends. If he loves and respects you he will understand your feelings and tell his friends no private party, only strip club. Good Luck!

CBizakis420

My FI will NOT be having strippers at his party and he knows my feelings on this matter. I really don't understand why a man would want to go look at another womans naked body the night b4 he is to be married to his fiance!

It's not that I don't trust him, I just don't believe in the whole thing, I find it quite ridiculous! Most women don't go out and look at naked men, we would rather be with our man!

My FI is ok with not having a stripper, at least he says so.... I would definitely address your concerns with your fiance, maybe he flipped because you said you were going to set limits, maybe if he knew exactly what you were concerned about he would have a better understanding and let his BM know there will be no private party strippers.

Good Lcuk!

BecW2be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_limits-fis-bachelor-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a3c8a40e-9ccd-4adf-9d2c-5c5069441047Post:64c82f1a-0fda-4f6a-90e9-94fa26855dfd">Re: Limits on my FIs bachelor party???</a>:
[QUOTE]My <strong>FI will NOT be having strippers at his party</strong> and he knows my feelings on this matter. I really don't understand why a man would want to go look at another womans naked body the night b4 he is to be married to his fiance! It's not that I don't trust him, I just don't believe in the whole thing, I find it quite ridiculous! Most women don't go out and look at naked men, we would rather be with our man! My FI is ok with not having a stripper, <strong>at least he says so....</strong> I would definitely address your concerns with your fiance, maybe he flipped because you said you were going to set limits, maybe if he knew exactly what you were concerned about he would have a better understanding <strong>and let his BM know there will be no private party strippers.</strong> Good Lcuk!
Posted by CBizakis420[/QUOTE]

Yes, and then please come back here and let us know how it went. You know, dictating HIS bachelor party AND telling his BM how it's going to be and all. That should be an entertaining story.

goheels05

Bachelor parties are almost never the night before the wedding except for in movies. 

Also, as others have said, men will always fantasize about other women.  If you think you're the only person he wants to see naked for the rest of his life, you're in denial.  The reason most women don't go out wanting to see naked men is 1) men are ugly naked and 2) we are physiologically wired different than men.   

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_limits-fis-bachelor-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a3c8a40e-9ccd-4adf-9d2c-5c5069441047Post:64c82f1a-0fda-4f6a-90e9-94fa26855dfd">Re: Limits on my FIs bachelor party???</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI will NOT be having strippers at his party and he knows my feelings on this matter. I really don't understand why a man would want to go look at another womans naked body the night b4 he is to be married to his fiance! It's not that I don't trust him, I just don't believe in the whole thing, I find it quite ridiculous! Most women don't go out and look at naked men, we would rather be with our man!My FI is ok with not having a stripper, at least he says so.... I would definitely address your concerns with your fiance, maybe he flipped because you said you were going to set limits, maybe if he knew exactly what you were concerned about he would have a better understanding and let his BM know there will be no private party strippers. Good Lcuk!
Posted by CBizakis420[/QUOTE]

I find the whole idea that you are trying to dictate your FI's bach party ridiculous.

2003HemiGirl

Like everyone has said, I trust my guy completely, but I would not be comfortable with strippers/strip clubs and the like.  Just don't think its appropriate for a guy who's about to be married to go gawking at other chicks taking their clothes off.  Kind of old fashioned, I guess.  Luckily, my guy feels the same - says he can't understand why someone would want to celebrate getting married by looking at other women. 
And yeah, it is supposed to be his "last night of freedom before he gets married", but as my fiance says, we've been dating for 2 1/2 years and he's never considered himself single in that time, so why would he right before we get married?
I don't think it is unreasonable to ask your guy not to have strippers - explain to him how you feel and that it would make you uncomfortable.  He should respect your feelings and your wishes. 

CJPowers

Personally, I am totally against strippers and my fiance knows this!  He knows who I am and my morals and beliefs and because of this he is not going to go to a strip club.  I don't care how drunk and stupid they get but I just don't want my fiance getting a lap dance from some dirty girl.  If he loves you he will respect your opinion and listen to you.  You should be able to tell him how you feel about it, and since you're about to marry him he should listen to what you have to say.  I say, totally voice your concerns... you should be open an honest with him.  See what he has to say about it!

linz852001

My fiance used to work at a strip club and I have always known how he feels about strippers and the fact that there will be strippers at his bachlor party.  Espically with the people who are going to be throwing it for him.  With that said I trust him not to go to far any way certain things dont really bother me.  Plus if you try to put restrictions on his party than you are in no place to get upset at him for doing the same to yours.  Any way now you have voiced your opinion about your feelings and I am sure he may take them into account the night of his party.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_limits-fis-bachelor-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a3c8a40e-9ccd-4adf-9d2c-5c5069441047Post:c3ec6b4f-8095-4ef8-a371-9f38051c55fe">Re: Limits on my FIs bachelor party???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Limits on my FIs bachelor party??? : I agree.  Strippers are very practical.  Porn too.  Just sayin'.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
Exactly.  I know FI looks at porn, and I don't mind.  Hell, I usually flip through his Playboys after he's done.  There's some interesting stuff in there.

I bet most of these women who have such issues with strippers think that their guys never masturbate either.  That kind of insecurity just boggles my mind.

golden1215

HOLY CRAP.... I had no idea my quesiton would generate this much convo!  Even got sent out in the knot.com email as "hot topic"... LMFAO

Anyway, thanks for the input and also to the girls who PMed me.

I'll have an open conversation with FI about my comfort level and just pray for the best.  Like many of you said, a man who is going to cheat is 1) going to find a way to do it anyway and 2) most likely going to do it with someone he already knows!

I don't consider watching strippers cheating, its the touching part that crosses a line for me.  And I'd love to go to an awesome male review show (Thunder from Down Under etc) if we had any here in the Twin Cities... but alas, we do not :-(
 
It's really the house party part- and he will be in another state w/out any of my family or friends there- that was nagging at me.

I did show him the poll results though that most men are not having strippers so maybe it'll make him think twice before assuming ass in face is the norm...!

p.s. J&K10910 your comment made my day :-) 

BlameCanada

I gave DH's BM $50 and told him to pay for "something extra."  Now DH says I suck at BJs because the stripper did it better.  All you who hate strippers are right!  How could she do that to me?

golden1215

aerinpegadrak- you dont really consider playboy porn do you???

briawna

I agree with most of what's been said here to a point.  If you don't trust him, why get married. 

But I also want to add that the Bachelor Party is not just an issue of trust.  A lot of Bride's feel uncomfortable with it and can't really explain why. It's because of what the Bachelor Party represents.  A lot of wedding traditions carry the weight of the past, and all the negativity of old ideas about marriage.

It used to be that the man was getting married, likely to someone he hardly knew, because it was the socially necessary thing to do.  Marriage being about a union between two people is a relatively new concept.  Marriage was a social responsibility.  A man's job was to marry in a way that helped his family standing.  And wives were seen as a burden.  Men used to get PAID to take a daughter off her father's hands!  (Hence the whole dowry thing)

So the Bachelor Party, historically, is the last hoo-rah.  It's the man partying and mourning the loss of his sexual freedom (which really, he never gave up any way.  It was always more acceptable for a man to have an affair than a woman).  It was basically the man and his friends saying "Oh, bummer that you have to get married and become and adult and give up your fun bachelor life.  The good days are over, so let's have a good time one last time."  This mentality is very disrespectful of a marriage.
Just like people have been saying "If you don't trust him, how can you marry him?"  I add that If you FI feels like this is his last chance to have fun and it's all down hill from here, then don't get married!

I don't believe this is the case for most couples, though.  I think these parties are a fun tradition and a celebration among friends.  And in a lot of cases, a way to blow off steam from all the stress of wedding planning. 
I think it's true that you can't set down rules for the bachelor party, or you WILL look controlling.  It's not a great way to start off a marriage.  But I also think that you should talk openly to your sweetie about your feelings.  That *IS* what a marriage is about.  Tell him why it stresses you out or what specifically makes you uncomfortable, and where those thoughts are coming from.  And start off by letting him know you just want to express you feelings about it, and that this is not you laying down rules or trying to guilt him into or out of anything.  I think you will both be able to talk about what the marriage means to you and what the role of the Party is and you will both feel better about it.  And if you clear the air and the tension surrounding the bad bad history of Bachelor parties, you'll both feel better.

My FI and I already had a similar conversation, just a sharing of feelings, and he doesn't even want strippers.  If they go to Vegas or Wendover (We like in Salt Lake City) then there might be strippers there, but there won't be any house hired strippers.  He was the one who made that call, not me.  He said he wasn't even interested in it, and that it wasn't what he wanted.  I feel comfortable knowing that whatever business they get up to, he understands me and will respect me and our marriage.

Just talk.  Don't feel like you have to pretend you like some woman rubbing her tits in your man's face just to "not seem controlling."  He may have strippers, anyway, but if you both are on the same page, you'll both feel comfortable!

[Deleted User]

My fiance's best friend, his Best Man, has already said he is getting strippers for my fiance's Bachelor party. I don't think it's fair to me because I already told him I would rather him not have them. My fiance told me I can't have male strippers at my bachelorette(sp?) party. So why should he get to have strippers at his bachelor party?

I think it's best if you do set limits. You do want your fiance to have fun, but if there's drinking involved you never know what can happen...

That's just my opinion though.

BlameCanada

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_limits-fis-bachelor-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a3c8a40e-9ccd-4adf-9d2c-5c5069441047Post:1f480157-c9f7-4da1-8e76-ca8cf9b3d12f">Re: Limits on my FIs bachelor party???</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance's best friend, his Best Man, has already said he is getting strippers for my fiance's Bachelor party. I don't think it's fair to me because I already told him I would rather him not have them. My fiance told me I can't have male strippers at my bachelorette(sp?) party. So why should he get to have strippers at his bachelor party? I think it's best if you do set limits. You do want your fiance to have fun, but if there's drinking involved you never know what can happen... That's just my opinion though.
Posted by Stephanie_cheung2010[/QUOTE]
If you've made your concerns known to him, and he's limiting strippers at your party, he's a total douche to go ahead with strippers at his own.  I'd be PISSED.

winterrose717

My FI and I dealt with this too.  I'm ok with going to a strip club, but not with the whole private hotel room thing.  Don't say "you're setting limits" that IS controlling. It's not controlling, however, to say that you're uncomfortable with the situaiton, thats just simply stating how you feel. If he respects you he'll put his own limitations on the party.

aerinpegadrak

It's not hardcore, but it's part of the porn industry, so it's still porn.  I know he watches some of the more hardcore stuff, too.  So do I, from time to time.  Still not a big deal.

I also don't buy the whole "degrading women" argument.  I've known a few people who've been strippers, and while it's true that some girls are forced into it or do it because they have no other options, all of my friends who've done it made a rational choice to do it, enjoyed the work, and were paid ridiculously well for it.  Plus, they're all perfectly nice, charming people, not nasty predators looking to sleep with random guys.

rbtrumpet

(haven't read it all - just wanted to throw my two cents in)

I, personally, AM putting "limits" on FI's bach-party.  1 request and 1 rule:
request) no one be still-drunk at the ceremony (coffee, aspirin, cold washcloths, whatever they need - just be sober and hide your hangover at the ceremony)

rule) they must have a designated driver or take a taxi (one of his groomsmen has this slight problem of driving when he's "fine"....I don't want FI in a car with him.  I would call the police on this guy, but I never know about it until much later... fortunately 1 of his groomsmen, and my brother (who is an usher, but will probably join his b-party) don't drink).


Besides that, I really don't care what they do.  I actually have no clue what they will!  Two of his groomsmen, I would except the works (strippers, drinking, etc...), one of his groomsmen, I would expect drinking, no strippers, and his last groomsman I would expect a night of Call of Duty (or whatever the popular video game at that time will be...).  I don't know if FI would even appreciate strippers or not...

Michelle Dailey

I agree with the asker of the question.  If your man wants to look at other women, then why is he even considering marrying you.  If my FI isn't satisfied by looking at me and enjoying what I have to offer him, he never needs to even marry me.  Men who still want to look at other nude women with lustful desire can stay right where they are, in the middle of the playing field!!!!  I'm not marrying someone like that. 

ashleygibbs8

Personally I would never even consider marrying a man who wanted to look at other naked women. That's just so cheap and demeaning and I know that I'm worth more than that.

My FI will not have strippers at his B party (his choice) and he chose a great guy to be his best man (he would never even consider strippers for the party).

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man who finds pleasure in drooling over other women shoving their breasts in his face? For me, the answer is no, and I'm glad I found a man who feels the same way. My FI says that I am enough for him, and I feel the same way about him.