Limits on my FIs bachelor party???

littlemisssara

No you are not out of line, nor are you being controlling. My fiance and I have had this conversation. I am in no way untrusting of him or insecure in our relationship, I just don't think it's a very respectful thing to go out and do. If you are confortable with "look but don't touch", the chances of problems with pornography and other forms of cheating go up later on down the road. I personally would not want my husband to be looking at other skantilly clad women, I want to be the only woman he looks at. It's not an out of the line request. Luckily for me, all I really had to say was, "I have a question about the bachelor party" and his response was "I love you and I respect you. We will most likely be going bowling or having a game night...I don't even want to go anywhere where other girls might be a problem." We talked more in depth afterwards, but the point is... it's not out of line or uncontrolling. He should listen to you and respect your feelings- if he doesn't than that could be a sign that there will be further issues around this type of thing later on down the road.

I hope it all works out for you sweetie!

smithea7

Having parties at private residences do not go over well.  My FI and I have been dating for almost 7 years and all of his friends that have parties at private residences have had "line crossing" experiences.  I think that the types of women who dance at clubs and the types or women that go to private parties are a bit different.  I have heard of things too obscene to mention on this poll. Needless to say my FI can do whatever he wants with the exception of a private party.  I don't think you should try to control but you can have a healthy conversation expressing your concerns.

lovebug215

I definitely had a talk with my FI about the bachelor party. I guess I got lucky cause he said he didnt even want to go to a strip club. he'd rather go hang out with his GM and go hikinng. That's part of why I'm marrying him cause he doesn't even want the tempation. I think all men should be more like him

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_limits-fis-bachelor-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a3c8a40e-9ccd-4adf-9d2c-5c5069441047Post:ad3e20c4-b78f-472a-bcca-e8371e8f9ee0">Re: Limits on my FIs bachelor party???</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally I would never even consider marrying a man who wanted to look at other naked women. That's just so cheap and demeaning and I know that I'm worth more than that. Posted by ashleygibbs8[/QUOTE]

Please. Please. Please understand that your FI most definitely enjoys looking at other naked women. All men do. And guess what? That's okay.

Do you honestly think that he never looks at porn?

revived86

I have to say that i'm really kind of shocked by some of the pp's telling the original poster that if she wants to put limits on her FI's bachelor party, than she shouldn't be marrying to him. That's a completely inappopriate thing to say in most any context, let alone on a public online message board, to a girl you don't even know, and due to the fact that she'd rather not have her future husband being entertained by random naked women right before he commits his life to her. IMO, strippers are completely unnecessary and oxymoronic as part of a bachelor/bachelorette party, but even beyond my perspective on that, it was absolutely not okay for some posters to say that this girl doesn't "trust" her FI enough to marry him.

So golden1215- i'm sorry you had to endure comments like that, and i wish you and your FI all the best in your future together as husband and wife. Congratulations!

[Deleted User]

Well, thank God for the internet police. I love being told how to behave. It makes me all warm and tingly inside.

HKD817

How would you feel if your FI set limits for you on your Bachelorette party? Bottom line, you trust him, you should leave it at that. You cannot tell people what they can and cannot do. It can cause resentment. I would drop the subject, stick to your gut and trust your FH. If his best man wants to act like a "you know what" then that is his perogative.

snider-wray

If he feels a need for naked women and lap dances why is he bothering getting married???? I have never understood the need to say goodbye to singlehood with naked women.  How degrading to your wife to be that you have to have someone else grind on you for the last time before he is "stuck" with just you.  It is an understanding in our home that there will be no strippers at either of our parties.  The only person I need is him!  Absolutely set limits!!!!!!!!!!!!

BecW2be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_limits-fis-bachelor-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a3c8a40e-9ccd-4adf-9d2c-5c5069441047Post:44250d3a-58c9-4b1a-8f54-580acd650a96">Re: Limits on my FIs bachelor party???</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with the asker of the question.  If your man wants to look at other women, then why is he even considering marrying you.  If my FI isn't satisfied by looking at me and enjoying what I have to offer him, he never needs to even marry me.  Men who still want to look at other nude women with lustful desire can stay right where they are, in the middle of the playing field!!!!  <strong>I'm not marrying someone like that.</strong> 
Posted by 610421750007312[/QUOTE]

You are, he's just not going to admit it to you. Men are visually stimulated, while women are more emotionally stimulated. The degree at which different men apply this fact varies, but they are stimulated differently than you are. Hell, even I'm impressed by a nice rack every once in a while. That men are "still wanting to look at other nude women" doesn't make them cheaters or bad men. It makes them human. Unless you are marrying Jesus, you're marrying someone who will probably like to look at boobies every once in a while, even ones not attached to you.

goheels05

You can't marry Jesus.  I married Jesus.

BecW2be

He's Jesus. He can marry as many times as he wants to. You can call her Sister now.

goheels05

Repent!!

BecW2be

You can't take my car! I'm trying to catch up on the payments, I swear! You can't take it!!111!!1!1!!1

Oh wait. That's repo. What's this repent business, again?

[Deleted User]

Jesus liked boobies. Promise.

BecW2be

You don't know Jesus! You can't speak for him! Repo! Repo!

[Deleted User]

Maybe you can repo my boobies?

BecW2be

Not unless I can see 'em first.

[Deleted User]

I don't know about that. I might get an STD from your drool.

BecW2be

I'm already married, and I did email STDs. That's not even possible.

[Deleted User]

Well, in that case. But wait. Don't you need to get a divorce before seeing my boobies since no one who is married can ever ever ever see a naked body ever again?

BecW2be

Oh yeah. Hell, just keep 'em. This is too complicated once you're dead. Er, married.

goheels05

You think you are funny, don't you?

ebeth87

You are not being unreasonable. My fiance and I are not having strippers at either of our parties, for several reasons. Strip clubs are a far cry from what sexuality should be, and it makes me sad to think of those girls and how they have lowered their standards and respect for themselves. Second, I trust my fiance completely...to have my best interests at heart (and for me to have his). If he loves me completely, why would he want to go stare at some other girl shake her boobs in his face, even "just for fun"? It makes me sick to think about it. I do not believe that my fiance would physically cheat on me in that situation, but (in my opinion) that does not mean it would be harmless. Temptation in general is hard enough to avoid without throwing yourself into it (and by the way, he agrees).   

margie1210

My MOH and I told my FI and BM that if they had strippers then so will we. They are going to a baseball game instead....

[Deleted User]

Poop fart balls

kileyhyland

I think it is hard to not sound nagging if you are trying to have input on his party.  However....my FI has been to bachelor parties where things with the groom to be have happened.  No, my FI did not do anything, but I still think it is dis-respectful to not stop behavior that you know is not right.  AND....why is it okay for only ONE night that a guy can get a lap dance and see nakedness but every other day of your marriage it would be frowned upon.  I think it is a silly tradition, and a little tacky too.  I have talked to my FI about this, and he understands that if he does go to the strippers there are certain things I believe that would not be respectful to me.  Also, if his friends respect you, they will not let things get that far either.  I am hoping that because I believe they all do, nothing will happen that will upset me.

BlameCanada

Will you people please allow this thread to commit seppuku?

[Deleted User]

No it just can't die!  It's so important for 300 random people to spew identical, naive BS on a message board. It's called empowerment. Duh!

apljack36

I have heard some nasty things go on at the house party stripper parties. You said you dont mind the strip club, and i am the same way. But i have heard so many raunchy things go on, I just don't want that kind of stuff on my couch! haha. also from friends & things like that.

BluValkyrie

I voted no because well, my FI isn't the stripper type of guy.  He also pretty much told his bestman that poker would be the best idea for his bachelor party because that's more his style.

Like others have said, you can voice your concerns, but it's not your place to say what he can and can't do.  You wouldn't like it if he set guidelines for your bachelorette party right?