Why are some people weird about babies and weddings?

Jocelyn1211

Not to keep saying what others have already said but I would be in the "No kids" group as well.  The only people in my and my fiances families that have kids are cousins and we aren't close with any of them.  I've already told one of them that we were planning on not having children attend and they were actually a little relieved!  I think sometimes parents can find a no kid wedding to be a mini-vaca or night out!  And if they choose not to attend, I wouldn't be offended at all.

Also, as everyone has already said too, preg BMs are adorable!  One of my friend's sisters had a friend in her wedding who was pregnant and she looked fabulous...and the only concern was being able to get the back of her dress laced up!

[Deleted User]

Sweet Jesus, who opened the flood gates?

tgrey

I have many friends who have recently had babies in the past year, so I am a total baby person, love all of them, I just don't feel that weddings are places for babies or little kids. All the weddings I have been to where children have been welcome, they ALWAYS end up screaming at the ceremony, and are too restles to be expected to sit for 30min to and hoour!! and be quite! therefore, they do what kids do, get cranky and want to walk around, then all the attention is on the child or baby making noise, not the bride and groom saying their vows. At the reception, the same deal, you can't expect babies and little kids to be able to sit that long, so parents are walking them around, or you get the irresponsible parents who let their kids run around the reception, I have seen waiters tripped before, and one wedding the mother of the bride was in the middle of her speech, and a group of little kids 5-7 were dragging chairs across the floor, no parents to be found.
So I guess it depends on the parents as well, but wouldnt you want a break and a night out by yourself anyways? I think weddings are not for babies/children and a great excuse for the parents to have a night out themselves.

nechi194

Ditto to the screaming babies comment.

I'm not sure why people think that their kids are automatically invited to a wedding and get offended if they are not.  People go to dinner parties, go out to eat, otherwise have a good time with friends in settings where their kids are obviously not appropriate.  A wedding that has a reception ending at 11pm, midnight, is NOT appropriate.  Get a babysitter and call it a date night/girls night out--kids not invited!

To add gas to fire, I'm paying.  I also don't want to have to feed the ones too young for steak but too old to eat off mom's plate.  I don't feel I should have to spring for babysitters, particularly if the number of parents coming is low.  And why do people think they can invite their friends on the random? NO.  

However, if I had to pick one--leave the kid at home for the ceremony.  I've made it clear (to the point sometimes, I think, of offending someone) that I do not want restless and bored kids at my reception knocking over my cake.  It's going to be sitting on a piece of lit and decorated plexiglas, so not exactly the most stable of platforms for kids playing tag.  If looks could taser...

The people who don't get it have never planned a wedding, have you noticed?

kellbot

After seeing my fiancee's young cousins dance like crazy people at his sister's wedding, I can't imagine having a wedding and not inviting the kids. They're hillarious! But we're lucky enough that they're all pretty well behaved (if not a bit attention-craving).

We're planning on setting up an area with toys/games for them, and are considering hiring a babysitter to keep an eye on them so the parents can relax a bit more.

What I haven't figured out is whether to invite my cousins. The youngest is in high school, so none of them are really kids anymore. But I haven't seen any of them in years and years. I'd love to see them, but I have a feeling they'd be very very bored. Would it be rude to invite my aunts/uncles but not my cousins?

Katiediditmom

I think it truly depends on the preference of the bride and groom to be, as well as the wedding itself. 

A morning or afternoon, more casual wedding lends itself to having children/babies at a wedding if the B&G want it.  Even then, some couples prefer not to have to worry about a screaming baby during their nuptials.  It would be nice to think that most parents would remove a screaming baby from a ceremony, but it does not always happen.  An evening wedding, on the other hand, that may be more elegant may not truly be the most appropriate environment for a baby/child. 

Rule of thumb is if mom is nursing, and you want her at the wedding, then the baby should be welcomed as well.  Beyond nursing, it's appropriate to stipulate an adults-only wedding.

Katiediditmom

If the reception area lends itself, you could hire a babysitter, and have them set off from the adults.  That way no one is offended, and you don't have to worry about parents who don't feel it is necessary to watch and redirect their children.

cherrytree34

When my aunt got married, there was a baby crying throughout the whole time they did their vows, and the parents did not see fit to take the baby out to the foyer until he/she calmed down. 

For me, I don't want that to happen, so I'd rather not have small babies.  But the other thing is, depending on what your reception will be like, it tends not to be a good place for really young kids.  If it's at night, the kids will be exhausted.  Plus, there really isn't a lot to do there for little ones. 

My flower girl will be 2 when I get married, and she will have a smaller sibling.  I was going to have child care for the two of them but her mom decided she just wants to have them go home after the ceremony and pictures so that they can go to sleep in their own beds and be relaxed.

janelmeinka

  I am the bride and I will be 4 months pregnant on my wedding day. I also have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. My fiance and I have a huge family with alot of kids. I dont see me having a wedding without kids there. The reception will be a blast seeing all the little ones dancing. Now the ceremony will be a little different when it comes to children but really when you are at the alter you probably wont really hear what is going on in the audiance. At my uncle's wedding a couple weeks ago my three year old yelled "Mommy I have to go poopy" in the middle of the ceremony. I asked my uncle later and he said he didnt hear anyone past the first row and we were towards the back. The only people who heard were sitting around us.

PMcG15

That's the same reason I'm not having kids (other than my future neices and nephews because the mere thought of no kids send people screaming and yelling and storming out of houses).  If the parent's don't discipline them, then there is trouble.  If I could hand pick which kids came, fine...but that wouldn't be "fair".

blair.shiff

I think not everyone likes babies. It's perfectly fine to not really be good with them and not really like them, and thus, not want them at your wedding. For my wedding, I am not allowing children because we are getting married in a very historic building that I don't want to run the risk of a child pulling down a 100-year-old curtain.

The problem nowadays is even though you won't put the child's name on the invitation, people still bring their children. So your wedding coordinator has to play door bouncer and scoot the kiddos off to a room with a babysitter that you've hired to take care of them. It's quite a hassle and you feel rude on your wedding day, which is obviously the last thing you want to be feeling that day.

Anywho, some people just don't want kids there because they find them annoying - not cute. And I think on a person's wedding day, they can do whatever they want because it's there day. If they want a world without kids, so be it.

exsangel

In my opinion, a pregnant BM is not a problem. It is all their problem... the dress and alterations are out of their pocket. I am also very laid back when it came to the dresses and such. I am having kids at the wedding. For one I have a 7- year old son so it would be rude to not invite children. 99% of my friends have at least one child, so I invite children with open arms. At the same time I have a big mouth, so if the kids are missbehaving, I will let the parents know. 

love_antonio

Me and Fiance's 1 year old daughter is our flower girl. We have kids attending (24 to be exact). Isn't a wedding supposed to be for family and friends? Kids are still family. I think some people are just petty about it. My cousin for example was *mad* her own cousins were at her wedding (Aunt and Uncles assumed they were invited since they're family). And another wedding the bride didn't want her own niece there, but now she regrets it. It may be different for me since I already have a child but even if I didn't I would still have kids. In fact, we are even having chicken tenders and fries for the kids menu. And everyone loves it!

twingirlz

 Baby phobias at weddings are typically come from those that have no intention of having kids and are scared that the baby will take the attention of the guest.  I for one could care less.   I have twin girls and I love that people adore them.  They are children for heavens sake!  Why not allow another blessing to be apart of your new marriage which is also a blessing?

libraleo

I would think that a pregnant bridesmaid would be an issue for one of the following reasons:

1. If the bride is doing the whole matchy matchy dress thing.  Then the fitting would be more difficult. 
2. A pregnant bridesmaid takes attention away from the bride.

One of my bridesmaids was actively trying to get pregnant for a while and I was super excited for her.  A pregnant bridesmaid, I think, is totally fine.  And super cute.  In fact, maybe I should ask all my bridesmaids to get pregnant. . .

Babies/children at a wedding... eh.  I really had no choice.  Four of my bridesmaids have some version of child so I couldn't not invite them.  Which means other children had to be invited.  But no flower girls or ring bearers.  Too many feelings to be hurt if I chose my niece by not my cousin or some such nonsense. 

Michele_Kelley

Hi.
OK, is the issue the BM or the baby itself? I had 3 of my bridesmaids get pregnant last year and I was only worried they wouldn't fit in their dresses. We wound up postponing the wedding anyways for otehr reasons, but I didn't want them to have to spend more moneyon another dress since a couple of them have financial difficulties right now. As for the baby- I said CONGRATS! The only thing I suggest to someone with a baby coming shortly before the wedding is to have a babysitter lined up. Waiting around for hours while their mother is getting her hair and makeup done, sitting quietly during a ceremony, and being happy and quiet for a rehearsal dinner is not feasible. A Wedding is really not a fun place for an infant and the parents should be able to enjoy themselves.

twingirlz

But seriously, IT'S A BABY!  People know that they are there for the wedding and I'm sure that they won't be watching the baby instead of you when you are coming down the aise.  Life is too short to sweat the small stuff in life.  Be grateful that you have a new little niece or nephew and that they are sharing this moment with you.  To say that you are worried about the baby getting the attention instead of you sounds kind of kiddy.  No disrespect just being honest. 

LDYGTR13

I'm one of those "OMG FSIL is pregnant!" folks. My FSIL found out she's pregnant and will be about 7 months pregnant at my wedding. She was going to be a bridesmaid and started making comments about how maybe I should fill her place with someone else, and how she couldn't afford another dress and yada yada yada but still wanted to be a BM. I was totally confused, thus why I wrote a post trying to figure it all out.  I wanted to keep her as a BM but she eventually told me she would prefer not to be and suggested someone else take her place. I've since decided with FI that we'll be buying her a maternity dress in the same color and considering her an honorary bridesmaid. (she doesn't have to stand at the ceremony - but still gets the warm fuzzies of being an BM)

I would have gladly kept her as a BM but honestly, at least in my case, it was about making sure FSIL was comfortable and happy NOT worrying about my pictures/"pretty princess day" lol.

artrice.sanders

Honestly, I will not be having any children or babies at my wedding as I want adults to be able to come and not watch what they say or have to worry about trying to find a lost kid. Plus babies cry and poop all the time...during the middle of my ceremony my BM will get off stage to change the kid? Or what about the kids that cry with everyone else except their moms?! No thanks...I am more than happy to celebrate a pregnancy and have children around during my shower but as for the wedding and ceremony..no way!

[Deleted User]

At my wedding, we rounded up all of the babies and put them in a cage. Then, during our exit, they were released. It was just like the dove release thing except with babies.

CristinaMBaez

I think it kinda depends on who's pregnant and their personality... I've been engaged for almost a year and planning for my December 2010 wedding. Suddenly, my brother announces his girlfriend is pregnant and they've decided to get married. Turns out they didn't pick my exact wedding date cuz they had to wait for an uncle to fly in. So they got married last December, 2 days difference from when mine is gonna be... whatever. Here's the thing... her parents didn't throw her a wedding and I think she was expecting everything that was being planned for me, to be given to her (I'm not psycho my mom & MOH have gotten this impression too). She's a total drama queen and everytime we talk about my wedding she suddenly starts feeling "icky"... she's set on being the center of attention ALL THE TIME.

Allen+Smith

I am having an adults-only reception, mostly because of the location and style of ceremony. We are only inviting about 50 people (more than two-thirds of which are our kin), and I don't really want small children running around during the reception. We are having both the ceremony and reception at an old historic house, and the kids would practically need to be on leashes to prevent them from damaging the property (I've met them, I know this). I don't want to worry about their parents (our friends and future in-laws) spending the whole night chasing their kids around. Same is true for infants; they require a lot of attention, and I'd rather people get to enjoy the short time we all get to spend with each other. We've offered to have multiple nannies (at our expense) watch the young ones at the hotel while the adults have a fun, child-free evening.

Also, IMO, I think pregnant women are beautiful, and I'd be nothing short of thrilled if my MOH were pregnant at my wedding... especially because she's my sis and I'd love to be an aunt

ode2slappy

I was at a wedding where a six month old baby cried hysterically throughout the entire ceremony (and no one wanted to take her outside because she's the bride's neice) - however, that was only one wedding.  I've been to many others where newborns were perfect little angels.  My guess (or hope) is that these brides and grooms don't want that sort of 'distraction' while they're trying to exchange vows... I don't know.

For our wedding, we're a 'children that are in the wedding party only' couple, however that's due to a couple of reasons:
1. We can't afford to invite all of our friends' children
2. We're getting married on a yacht at night, and we are having an open bar - so not only do we feel that it's a liability and dangerous, but we also felt that it is an unappropriate setting for children.

With that being said, we do love children, we do love to have children around and celebrate with them (our family's and friend's children) and if we had the cash, were doing the wedding on dry land, and having a dry party, we definitely would have included the miniguests!!

KjMottola

We decided on the no child under 6 rule. This includes my fhs niece who will be 2 at the time and his cousins 2 children. I think it allows the parents to be able to enjoy themselves and prevents any problems that might occur with crying and cranky children. Both people are not 100% thrilled but they have plenty of time to find a sitter. ITS OUR DAY!!! WE are paying for it so we dont want it to be ruined. I LOVE kids! Dont get me wrong. I have nannied for 5years and taught toddlers and preschoolers for 4 years. so its not the children that I mind. Its their unpreventable behavior that I am worried about. We are having an evening affair from 5pm-12 and I fee that children would get cranky and become overwhelmed at that time. Good luck with your wedding!

lblasey

I personally don't like babies - they do breathe fire and shoot lazers.

- BUT -

One of my close friends is due a month before the wedding and another really close friend and mother of our flower girl is due a month after the wedding. I would love to be blessed with their presence at our wedding.

- AND -

I am the maid of honor for my best friend's wedding summer 2012 and told her theres a good chance I'll be preggers then. She is delighted.

JennaHR

I don't get the whole idea that kids somehow "ruin" weddings. But I guess some people just aren't kid people.

Personally, I am a major kid person. I have 2 girls (6 and 8 at the time of the wedding) and FI has a daughter (7 at time of wedding), we are also planning to include 7 neices/nephews in the ceremony. They will be between 2 and 9 on the big day. I would also bet money that at least one of my four sibs will pop another kiddo out in the next two years. We're having an early evening ceremony, and I plan to have a kids table with sitters and activities for them. We are encouraging those in our crew that have kids to get someone to take the kids home after dinner so we can keep the party going, but that certainly won't be mandatory. I am no zilla. 
  
   As far as infants/toddlers... some parents are more comfortable if their children are with them. Others prefer to sieze the opportunity for a night out. If you truly care for the people you are inviting to share your day, why would you demand that they separate from their small children for your sake?

[Deleted User]

This is the internet's version of diarrhea.

emilyann21

I don't see the problem with having babies at weddings. I know I'll have a least one at mine and depending on how many OOT family and friends then there will be a ton more. My sister and MOH will have the baby about a month before the wedding and I definitely want him at mine. He's family. I love that little baby now and I've never met him. I guess it just depends on if your baby/kid friendly or not too and you know an outburst might happen. Whatever. Who cares. You're still getting married whether there is a crying/cranking/pooping/upchucking baby there or not. Babies and kids are more than welcome at my wedding!!

goheels05

I hate it when a thread that started off funny gets made into a hot topic and everyone and their brother chimes in with totally non-funny things.

I really enjoyed your baby release, cew.  I might email it to Knot Annie as trends for 2010 weddings. 

Sgeib

Babies at the wedding was such a topic for us! Well, kids, anyway. Things was, I didn't want t a million rug rats running around going crazy at this party that we're paying WAY too much money for in the first place! (more money than I've ever saved EVER in my life, mnore than my car, to me, thats a big deal).
 
But then, I couldn't live with out my 3 teen/ pre-teen cousins not being there, so that meant we had to invite all 12 step cousins on his side (age range 8-20). But hell, thats compromise, right?

My little sister decided to do a shotgun wed. 6 mos before me (thats in 1 wk), and is now pregnant and will have her 3 mo. old at the wedding. I'm thrilled! As long as her new hubby takes care of baby and keeps it QUIET while we're saying our vows. And no screaming babies durring dinner, thats just tacky and rude and unenjoyable for everyone. Fiance's sis will also have a new 4 mo. old that will be there, and their 3 yr old who will be our flower girl.

Our wedding is is a hotel and I will be arranging nanny services for any adults who want a few hrs to themselves, but don't wanna leave the kids at home.

And plus, whats a FAMILY event without KIDS? We started out totally against, and now can't imagine the day without em.