I have a two guests who i invited with a guest (wrote on the inner envelope their name & guest) and they responded that they would be bringing two guests. Our guest list is really at capacity...what is the best way to let them know they can only bring one guest?
Re: RSVP'd with additional guests - how to handle
Glenna Harding Photography
Call them and tell them you can only accommodate one guest. It's absolutely ok for you to do this - they are in the wrong. Just explain that while you wish you could accommodate everyone you just can't. But you're so excited to celebrate with them!
Usually I found out by my mom relaying how excited someone was to be coming and bringing "whoever-else-that-I-didn't-invite" with them. My initial reaction was to rant and rave about it, going on about how it could be possible that these people would think that was okay, and how I am the one paying for this, yadda yadda, blah blah.
Now I am only 4 weeks away from the wedding & my response list is almost complete - turns out a lot of the OOT guests that I thought would make it, won't be making it. So, it's not as big of a deal as I thought that there might be a few extra people. If you wait a bit it may not be an issue & everyone's happy.
Also, I invited single friends, not in serious relationships, without a guest and explained to them that I couldn't afford to have them bring someone but that if my guest response rate permitted extras within my budget I would let them know. You could try that tactic w/your people, let them know that the number of people invited is at capacity, due to size limits, money limits, whatever (I know many say blaming finances is rude - but it's reality in this day for just about everyone & I think understood by most) but that should that change you would love to give them the opportunity to bring an additional guest that would help them have a nice time at your wedding.
That's my 5 cents.
I prefer this way rather than calling, because once you call, you may end up saying too much, and you don't want to hurt their feelings.
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My neice- my own family- texted me last night and asked if she could bring a date. I sent her her own invitation, even though she lives with her parents still, but I did not "and Guest" her. She's 22, lives in SC and the wedding is in NY and she is not in a relationship. She wants to bring a kid that she was friends with like 15 years ago when she lived up here. She's seen him all of 5 times in the last 10 years and she wants to bring him to my wedding?!?!?!?!
I politely answered her that we already have waaaaayyyy too many guests on our invite list and are seriously hoping some people won't be able to make it. Capacity isn't over what the room can hold, but I am not paying $70 to feed some kid that I don't know, just because she wants to hang out with him. Plus, I have to pay for table cloths, chair covers and napkins, so every person added to the list is an expensive addition. We left people off our guest list that we would have liked to invite, because we had so many people as it was. NO WAY!! I'm putting my foot down. If I didn't offer you a guest on your invite, you are not bringing one. And besides, then it puts the bride and groom in a position where they have to be the bad guy. So incredibly rude!
GOOD LUCK!
I think it is very rude to do that...I also think it is rude that my inlaws side did this and said "we can't not allow them to bring guests, they are our good friends." I put my foot down and made my fiance take care of this. I found this incredibly rude on my inlaws part as well as the guests by refusing to take care of the issue. If the inlaws were paying for the whole thing it wouldn't have bothered me...but they aren't paying for it and were given extra people to invite because they have a large family ( a mistake i will never make again). The fiance's family also said (9 days before the wedding) we didn't invite our total allotment of guests so we are going to ask additional people to attend. Again I am not allowing this to happen and unfortunately do not feel much support from my future husband. I'm p'od if you can't tell.
Then today my mom calls me to tell me my Great Uncle, who I have met twice in my life, responded with 8 people!!! HUH??? Where did he get Mr & Mrs ***** to mean his kids and grandchildren where invited?!?! I'm thoroughly confused and frustrated.
Grandpa gets to call his brother and let him know that only him and his wife are invited. As for our friends, we are waiting to see how the rest of the guest list comes together ... but I'm sooo confused on why people think they can invite anyone & everyone to a wedding they are invited to...
[QUOTE]Have you ever considered how incredibly awkward it is to be at a wedding where you dont know many people? Or when you are the only single? People want to celebrate this happy occasion with you and since they are people you love, maybe you let them bring someone to keep them company.
Posted by atemplin5[/QUOTE]
atemplin - I have been single at many weddings. I am shy and introverted and even had some real personal heartbreaks, making weddings painful for me. But I never felt a guest was "owed" to me or even needed, and I still had a good time.<strong> It's worth noting that formal etiquette does not require dates for those not in established relationships. </strong>Traditionally, it is also against etiquette to invite generic "guest" or "+1"... specific names should be on the invite (even if you have to call to ask your friend the name of their SO).
It is very, very rude to add your own guests to an invite. Imagine if I invited my friends over for an intimate dinner party, and they brought 20 of their buds to my house too? I am not sure why, with weddings, people feel they "should" be allowed to bring a crowd w/ them when we would never do so for other kinds of invites (unless the host says, "Oh and bring a friend!")
When it comes to single guests, if there is no room for including dates (by name), the ideal solution is to make sure they have family and friends they know there and who they will feel comforable socializing w/.