No kids = No Kids!

MrsRicePudding

How is this such a difficult concept to grasp???

I am at a breaking point. When FI & I got engaged, we both immediately said "And No Kids at the Wedding!!". We love kids, we plan to have them, we plan to leave them with a sitter for other peoples weddings, and we don't plan on having any at ours. 

We went to each friend / family member who has kids (or whom we suspected would be preggers by then) and explained to them (in person!) that we love kids, but that we've decided to have a kid-free adult only wedding weekend. (We're having a big party the night before, then the wedding, then the day after brunch).

We set up a wedding website, the address was the save the date magnet, and on the FAQ section the first question is about kids being invited - the answer being that although we love children, No Children are invited to ANY of the weekend festivities. 

Our invitations are being addressed to specific adults, no "& Family".

And still, I'm fielding calls and emails and requests for kids at the wedding. 

What's even better, some of my cousins are posting on FB that they'll 'see you this summer if "[I] let us bring the baby". 

We're paying for this wedding, this is our decision, end of story. What is wrong with people??? It's a black tie wedding, and my cousins are infamous for not watching their kids at weddings. Plus, when you count all the kids we would be inviting (if we were), it's over 40!!  

We knew from the start that we would have fewer guests because of this (Nearly everyone is OOT and travelling for the weekend). And we accepted that - still No Kids. End of story.

And yet this morning I got another email saying they were excited about the wedding and little Johnny can't wait to see me in my dress. WTF?!?!?

I'm sticking to my guns, I keep responding that we're so excited to see you this summer, please remember that all of the wedding activities are child free. We understand that some guests are unable to come to the wedding because of this and they will be missed. 

What else can I do? Why are people this freaking rude? We don't have any kids in the wedding, and there's no one in a "grey zone" for age. They're either over 17, or under 9. That to me says the 17 yo can come, and the 9 year old cannot. If you can drive to the wedding, then you're not a kid. 

I'm losing it. Seriously. Losing it. 

kate51485

It happens.

Is it *really* a black tie wedding?

crfische

Good Luck!

danieliza1127

All you can do is be polite and stick to your guns.  Some parents get very offended when their kids aren't invited places.  Some people think weddings are family events and their kids should be included.  So you're going to have some difficult people.  It's the chance you take when you make the decision to not invite kids.

aMrsin09

It's happening because parents think you couldn't possibly mean their "darling little angel".  You only really mean that for the other monsters in the family.

kate51485

Oh Fishy, you kill me.

crfische

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks I'm funny.

vallyhoo

funny looking

crfische

I am rubber, you are glue.

Nebb

My cousin tried pulling the "well if my kids cant come we arent coming either" so unfortunately they missed the wedding. You just have to stand firm by what you say and accept that some people wont come/will be offended. Most parents now a day think the sun shines out of their kids butts, so they dont "get" why they arent invited.

vallyhoo

did I say funny? I meant bunny.

honest

kate51485

Look at you, cutie patootie Vallyhootie! 

Fishy, you should take your HUMOR to SB. ETA: since apparently that's all they're good for these days.

pumpkinpumpkin

Holy crap! It's Vally's face!

OP - stick to your no kid plan. If people don't come, they don't come. Surely you can't expect everyone to leave their kids with a sitter. Surely you would've realized that inviting no kids would have the consequence of a) asking for an exception, or 2) telling you they won't come if they can't bring their kids. Oh well. It's what you wanted.

BecW2be

Vally!!!! hi.

Fische is to funny as fish is to water.

Other than that, all I gather from this thread is that I'm now craving chocolate chip rice pudding from Rice to Riches. Thanks, OP!

vallyhoo

thank you kate

and gah! you caught me P2.

hi Bec ♥

MrsRicePudding

I know, how could I possibly not want little Johnny at the wedding? 

(Little Johnny who lit a table cloth on fire at a wedding in October - no I'm not kidding. And where were his parents? Admiring his "creativity". Clearly he's a Mensa candidate already. Can't tie his shoes, but good with matches.)

I'm more frustrated that my very close family members are giving me the hardest time about this - I've spoken to EVERYONE about this, everybody knows we mean no kids. Most of my family members didn't have kids at their weddings because no one had them yet. 

Yes, it's a dressy wedding. And no, I'm not providing babysitters. Liquor? Transportation from wedding to hotels? A 4 star dinner? Music? Dancing? Dinner the night before - with music, wine & beer? Breakfast  the morning after? Yes, I am providing all of those things. A babysitter for your child? Nope, sorry. That's your responsibility. 

What is wrong with people? Is this entitlement issue everywhere, or just in my family? 

september's bride

You may have to resort to really telling these people, "Your children aren't invited." As PP mentioned, a lot of people think that "no children" doesn't apply to their precious babies. Reiterating that NO kids, (including THEIR kids) are invited may be what you need to drill it into their heads. I feel for you...that's always a crappy situation.

pumpkinpumpkin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be5d29de-3d24-42f5-b120-447b9fd70b3fPost:8d0e0cc3-cdad-4b8b-96b9-4aa4e203c5f5">Re: No kids = No Kids!</a>:
[QUOTE]I know, how could I possibly not want little Johnny at the wedding?  (Little Johnny who lit a table cloth on fire at a wedding in October - no I'm not kidding. And where were his parents? Admiring his "creativity". Clearly he's a Mensa candidate already. Can't tie his shoes, but good with matches.) I'm more frustrated that my very close family members are giving me the hardest time about this - I've spoken to EVERYONE about this, everybody knows we mean no kids. Most of my family members didn't have kids at their weddings because no one had them yet.  Yes, it's a dressy wedding. And no, I'm not providing babysitters. Liquor? Transportation from wedding to hotels? A 4 star dinner? Music? Dancing? Dinner the night before - with music, wine & beer? Breakfast  the morning after? Yes, I am providing all of those things. A babysitter for your child? Nope, sorry. That's your responsibility.  <strong>What is wrong with people? I</strong>s this entitlement issue everywhere, or just in my family? 
Posted by MrsRicePudding[/QUOTE]

Sounds to me like you're the one with the problem. As if you didn't know this would happen. I said it above. But seriously, get over it. Either they'll come without their children or they won't come at all.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be5d29de-3d24-42f5-b120-447b9fd70b3fPost:8d0e0cc3-cdad-4b8b-96b9-4aa4e203c5f5">Re: No kids = No Kids!</a>:
[QUOTE]What is wrong with people? Is this entitlement issue everywhere, or just in my family? 
Posted by MrsRicePudding[/QUOTE]

All I can do is repeat what I've already said.  Some parents get very offended when their kids aren't invited places.  Some people think weddings are family events and their kids should be included.  So you're going to have some difficult people.  It's the chance you take when you make the decision to not invite kids.  You definitely aren't the only one to experience this problem.

MrsRicePudding

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be5d29de-3d24-42f5-b120-447b9fd70b3fPost:1a7ec949-5463-45f0-be23-dd407bfe99e0">Re: No kids = No Kids!</a>:
[QUOTE]Other than that, all I gather from this thread is that I'm now craving chocolate chip rice pudding from Rice to Riches. Thanks, OP!
Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

<div>How do you think I got my screen name?! FI wants to order a Sumo every time we go. </div><div>
</div><div>Todays flavors are: Take me to Tiramisu, Cinnamon Sling, Coast to coast Cheesecake, Coconut Coma, Sex Drugs & Rocky Road, Fluent in French Toast, Chocolate chip Flirt, and the Milk Chocolate Only Rings Twice!</div><div>
</div><div>Hungry yet?? ;)</div>

shellydiane820

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be5d29de-3d24-42f5-b120-447b9fd70b3fPost:3b67756f-93b1-4cac-b019-25f6f9790708">Re: No kids = No Kids!</a>:
[QUOTE]Good Luck!
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]
you took the words right out of my mouth!

vgmartinez

Sounds to me like the guests who keep insisting on their kids coming are the ones with the problem. Nobody asked for an exception, they are saying things like "Little Johnny can't wait to see you!" which IMO, is not asking but rudely stating that they are going to bring their kids who are uninvited whether it costs $20 for each one of them to eat or not.

kd.joseph

I'm just surprised more people don't take advantage of a child free evening. Sorry little Johnny, you have to stay with the sitter while Daddy and I have a night out at someone else's expense.

jruss24624

Honestly it's YOUR wedding and if people can't deal with what you want then let them stay home!  I'm not having children at my wedding either. 

pumpkinpumpkin

I can just tell, jruss, you're going to be a peach around here.

Nebb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be5d29de-3d24-42f5-b120-447b9fd70b3fPost:1f9a6469-e7a7-4f83-bce1-4167f53656ba">Re: No kids = No Kids!</a>:
[QUOTE]I can just tell, jruss, you're going to be a peach around here.
Posted by pumpkinpumpkin[/QUOTE]
But but but... it <strong>HER</strong> day!!

kikibaby

Rice pudding make me want to die.  Pudding should not have chunks in it.

ootmother2

I think the groom's mother put the word out on what a biiitch I am because no one tried to bring their kids.

My family already knew what a biiitch I am.

kate51485

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:be5d29de-3d24-42f5-b120-447b9fd70b3fPost:947a3f59-6908-4c6f-8253-10f5d27ca240">Re: No kids = No Kids!</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly it's YOUR wedding and if people can't deal with what you want then let them stay home!  I'm not having children at my wedding either. 
Posted by jruss24624[/QUOTE]

Luckily you have 1 year 7 months and 1 week for this attitude to be corrected.

duckie1905

While I agree with everyone I also think you made a lot of extra work for yourselves by going so out of your way to make sure that everyone heard your "no kids" rule.  You called everyone, posted it everywhere, etc.  Why couldn't you have just addressed the invite to the parent and then called anyone who RSVPed with their child.

Not to mention I'd probably be annoyed as a parent if you called me out on something before I'd done it-and bringing my child to a wedding is something I would never do.  So, at this point I'm pregnant and you are already telling me not to bring my kid and I haven't even popped it out yet.

It seems like way more work than it needed to be.

temerityjane

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be5d29de-3d24-42f5-b120-447b9fd70b3fPost:f5e6a9fb-2edf-4822-87f9-15bf7e9d90ef">Re: No kids = No Kids!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No kids = No Kids! : But but but... it HER day!!
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

<div>But is IS her wedding. And no kids IS what she wants. Deciding what you want for your wedding doesn't automatically make your a terrible person or a bridezilla.</div><div>
</div><div>In the case of the OP, she said she approached all of the family members who had kids before invites even went out. She sent out save the dates with the website, and put the information on the website. She addressed the invitations correctly, to the invited parties only. I don't see how SHE is acting entitled by getting annoyed with family members who just refuse to get it.</div>