No kids = No Kids!

[Deleted User]

I know, as a new mom, that it's difficult for me to find a sitter I trust, or one that is available and isn't 16. This is a big concern for me as well, as we have also stated that no children other than our son (the ring bearer), our flower girls, my little brothers, and my younger cousins who are ushers are welcome to come. But at the same time, My Fi's brother is getting married in July and they have asked that no children come, and we have nobody to watch our son. I really only let my mother, and aunts watch him, and with my mom having a brood of triplet boys the same age as my little monster, she can't really handle all 4 for more than 3 or 4 hours, and both my aunts are going to be out of town, and also the Fi's whole family will be at his brothers wedding...which basically leaves me with the option of having someone I don't really know watching my pride and joy. So I get where your coming from, but I get where parents are coming from here too. Now having a 9 year old, or a child that isn't under 2, is a little different than worrying about who has your infant though. If Jakob was older, I wouldn't be as concerned about leaving him with a non-family member. Like you, we too have already been getting requests from people about bringing their kids, and again, like you we have been explaining that we are only having children who are members of the wedding party in attendance. It gets frusterating.

BustMuffins

Pumpkin pumkin said you have a problem? It sounds like she is another one of those people obsessed with her kids! You are spending thousands of dollars on a wedding and it is a once in a lifetime event. Your family NEEDS to understand. People with kids can be so rude because they think the world revolves around "little johnny". It is not about THEM or their KIDS, it is about the bride and groom. Plus, if the venue isn't suited for kids they are better off anyway. And Duckie, had she not told them ahead of time (which sounds like she was trying to be sensitive and understanding by doing it in person) the guests from out of town may not have had enough time to get a babysitter.

I think you just need to stick to telling them the kids aren't invited and if they don't come, oh well! It saves you money and it won't ruin your day knowing that your guests simply refuse to respect your wishes.

Btw, my family is the same way about kids and I am sure they will react the same way if I decide not have children at my wedding. But they need to get over it because people get tired of family gatherings revolving around screaming little kids and changing diapers. You are just asking for this once!

Jenni83

I had this same problem, and even after we told everyone no kids my Hubbys cousin sent back an rsvp saying she was bringing a guest,i didnt think much of it till i was making out tags for the gift bags and i had hubby call and ask her who her guest was and she said oh my guest is my Son WTF.she was going to try and sneak him in with her even after we told her he couldnt come.

mcancel99

I can understand if it is just for the wedding but you are asking a whole different package when you bring the entire weekend into it.  Now parents have to pay for babysitters for the entire weekend (not one night) which can get pretty expensive, as well as hotels, gifts, etc.... 

I think you and your fiance were pretty selfish when talking about no kids for the entire weekend.  I think at that point you should definitely have offerd up babysitters.  otherwise, if you knew these people wouldn't come because you weren't going to invite kids then why invite them anyways?  honestly it would be so much less hassle for you to just not bother inviting anyone with kids.

kerrydean

I agree with duckie 1905

I have been invited to weddings and the invitation has said "sorry no children". I have two beautiful boys and would not have brought them to the wedding because they would be bored but it was really annoying to be "told". I'm getting married in a month and have invited children - life is so much more fulfiling with the laughter of kids.

Plus you said most people are out of town - I wonder how you might feel once you have kids if you have to leave them and travel out of town just to make some princess relative happy.

hope you don't regret your decision.

hwinches

I am going through the same thing. as there are 3 chldren coming to my wedding but only because they are apart of the wedding. All the rest r not invited i dont want the wedding to end up lke a crazy playground. I am about the send out my invitatons that state adult only reception and i am dreading the phone calls.

ambamarie05

I agree with you!  It's not usually the kids' fault if they misbehave, it's the parents who don't attend to them and let them run wild and free!  I'm doing something similar with my wedding, it's not completely "kid-free," but I'm not inviting anyone & family if I'm not close with their kids.  My fiance's nieces and nephews are invited and my close cousin's kids, and that's it.  People don't have to come if they don't agree with it!

Good for you, stick to your guns!

ellanas1

I agree with your "No kids" rule.  We are trying to do the same, with the exception of our own nieces and nephews.  Other than that, NO KIDS!!!  However, just be prepared that someone out there will not understand the concept and will think (as many others have posted) that their kid is an excpetion.  So, be prepared that they WILL show up to your wedding with their child.  I've already come to that realization and accepted the possibility.  GOOD LUCK!!!

absinthesilver

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be5d29de-3d24-42f5-b120-447b9fd70b3fPost:4cff225d-edfa-4889-b7a0-fcd407b1ad17">Re: No kids = No Kids!</a>:
[QUOTE]I Bottom line you are paying for your wedding so you can have it anyway you want. If people don't understand then that is their loss not yours!! Keep your head up and enjoy your day.
Posted by Mitcheld28[/QUOTE]
This is exactly the point!!! Weddings cost A LOT of money and for those of us on a tight budget, having children there will cost more than our honeymoon! We are having no kids at our wedding because we have student loans to pay off and even though we love you and your family, children aren't going to remember or care if they weren't invited or not. They would probably sit home and play video games anyway. The option of a sitter is a good idea, but that could cost even more than inviting the children to the wedding. Maybe I'm selfish but I feel as if I'm paying a ton of money for one heck of a party, so why can't parents do their part and hire a sitter if they want to come. People hire sitters all the time for a date night, so what's different about a wedding?

Sidenote: Plus I am not paying for a photographer to sit there watching the kids to do something cute so they can take a picture. Yes, I want pictures of all my guests but it seems like even when asked not to, photographers always take a lot of pictures of the kids. Then the wedding album turns into "awe look how cute they are" instead of  "awe I'm so happy for them".   (Yes I know I'm selfish)

breepeyton

Well... yes, Wolfstar, the reception is for your family and friends... to share with you and celebrate the joining of two lives.  This is a party is in celebration of the BRIDE & GROOM.  What do you mean... "your first wedding"?  Don't get that one at all... and it's not "for" your family.  It's so that your family can rejoice with you... on YOUR day.  I have to say that I have a really big family and there are A LOT of kids; however, I am having a kid-free wedding.  Some of my family agree and think it's great because it's a night out for them.  Others aren't so pleased.  For my oot guests I will be arranging for a sitter.  The oot guests that I know won't like this or be able to do this... we just aren't inviting.  By no means is this rude.  Do I think you should try to accomodate your guests?  Well of course... to the best of your ability.  Do I think it's rude to ask parents to disconnect from the hip for one celebratory adult evening... no. 

lawbch1

I agree that you might have gone about this the wrong way but what's done is done!
You must simply stick by what you say.  And, whatever you do, don't make exceptions for some and not others because that will be a hideous mess!

We are not having children at the reception because it's a one night party.  If we had turned it into a full-weekend soiree we would have provided a sitter(or two).  Luckily our friends and family with kids either already had a conflict or wanted a night out for mommy and daddy while the little ones stayed with grandma!

For the big day: Someone is going to bring their child either out of idiocy or protest but you can't let it bother you.  If they are already there, they are there to stay and you should just thank the parents for coming and celebrating with you both.  That will be hard especially after all you went through to make it an adults-only party but you are joining into a new family and you don't want to piss them off on your first official night in the group!

Good Luck

oracle12

I think you did the right thing.  You were very clear regarding your intentions, made no bones about it.  It is YOUR day (as everyone keeps reminding me), & you should be happy.  If it means people don't come because their children aren't invited, that's their decision to miss out on your special day.  It's about YOU, not them.<div>
</div><div>OTOH, I had to invite my cousin's children (both under 3), or it would've caused a HUGE rift in my family (she has a reputation for being a BIG B-word).  However, I did invite 2 other children under the age of 3 (my nephews, who are both turning 2 in May).  But I know my sister-in-law & my BFF/MOH take very good care of their children.  </div><div>
</div><div>[QUOTE]I'm just surprised more people don't take advantage of a child free evening. Sorry little Johnny, you have to stay with the sitter while Daddy and I have a night out at someone else's expense.
Posted by kd.joseph[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>KD has a point!  Just wish I could've stuck to my guns, too <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-frown.gif" border="0" alt="Frown" title="Frown" /></div>

jaqzirbes

I feel your pain!! Unfortuantely we made an exception for the wedding party (i.e. Flowers girls and ring bearer).  But we are sticking to our guns for everyone else!

Like you said "its not like we don't like kids" - but I don't want to paying this much for a wedding to be baby sitters - this is an ADULT event and I want to have fun like an ADULT and not worry about little kids running around.

breepeyton

eebjvs11... I thought your advice was fabulous!  It definitely helped me

[Deleted User]

Maybe you could have all of the kids fight to the death all cage fight style. It may take some time, but I bet if you start the fights on Friday night, you'll have them all out of the picture by the reception.

tracrey

Wow.  Well, I am not having kids at my wedding either. I had my cousin flat out ask me..  I can't bring my baby?  Her baby will be born two months before I get married. Why would you bring a 2 month old to a wedding?  Seriously. I have close friends with kids I spend every weekend with and I had to tell them no. It's hard and these people have not really let it go yet. I was asked if they could just come to the church. My answer was still no. People keep telling me that their childern are asking about me getting married etc.. obv they are hinting that their child wants to go. I'm with you.. I am so over it at this point. Between people not understanding NO KIDS and random people asking if they are invited to the wedding I have no idea why people seem to lose their manners.

I hope it all works out for you.  You're not the bad person here. It's your wedding and I think you're handling it really well.

AJS0401

I completely feel your pain.  We've decided not to have children at our wedding either - there are simply too many between our two families.  Our wedding is out of town for my fiance's whole family also so I understand the difficulty of finding a sitter for the weekend, but we're standing firm.  If you can't find a sitter, I'm sorry.  I'm catching a lot of attitude on this already because we just sent out our save the dates and when people saw Mr. & Mrs. Various as opposed to The Various Family, I've been given a great deal of attitude.  People don't understand, it's not that we don't want YOUR kid(s) there - we just don't want any kids there - we're having an adults only wedding weekend (with the exception of the kids actually IN the wedding).  I don't think it should be such a problem for people to judge the way you want your wedding.

JenSL

pumpkin pumpkin,
It sounds like you already are a peach.  Or, better yet, a condescending, self righteous b*tch.  try putting yourself in someone else's shoes.  If I spent that kind of time putting together a formal event like mrsricepudding, I certainly wouldn't want someone's pyromaniac child there, either.  People need to learn some friggin manners.

chrisandjessreeves

I normally wouldn't agree with the "no kids" policy, but in your case, it seems to be a no-brainer. Not that your wedding is R-rated by any means, but it definitely has an "adult only" feel to it. Frankly, I don't see WHY people would want to bring their kidswhen they have the opportunity to enjoy this weekend with fellow adults! Maybe the issue is that they're expecting it to be a more kid-friendly wedding and think you're being a snob for not wanting them, when really it's just an issue that the kids will have nothing to do. I think you should be more clear about what is going down at the wedding and maybe then people will understand why there's a "no kids" policy. Hope that helps

eebjvs11

breepeyton - I'm glad I could help

Sing2phins

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be5d29de-3d24-42f5-b120-447b9fd70b3fPost:589270fa-e25b-4030-b6c6-d3935a442ce7">Re: No kids = No Kids!</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance' and I decided no kids as well - we want our friends and family to enjoy an adult night out, on us (well, actually my Mom). You need to stick to your guns... we even discussed what we would do if someone showed up with their kids at the wedding - have the best man politely ask them to leave. The bottom line is that your wedding day is about the 2 of you, not anybody else. If people can't understand that, then like you said, they'll just have to miss the wedding!
Posted by csylvester49[/QUOTE]

You would really ask a guest to leave once they are already there?  Wow.

verloren

We are also having a no kids wedding, although we are lucky in the fact that maybe 3 out of the 20-30 couples actually have very young children. On invites to people with these children we did not put "The X Family", only the parent's names. If someone sends an RSVP back that has their kid on it, call them.

I was told that most parents should understand, they should know their child is 2 and can be disruptive, but that's obviously not the case all the time

I remember at a friends wedding in a church, someone's 3 year old was screaming "NOOOOO!!!" at the top of her lungs, DURING the ceremony (while the priest was talking). It took the mother 5 minutes before she figured out she should remove her screaming child from the room. Unbelievable.

Best of luck.

chm0815

I agree.  A wedding is no place for a kid.  Not just because the adults may not want them there but also because weddings do not have child freindly activities.  But if you have out of town guests, to get them to your wedding, children might have to tag along- at least for the trip.  Possibly you can meet the parents half way and hire a baby sitter for the activities and ask the parents to put up a portion of the child care cost. It'll probably be less expensive than paying the child's cost at the reception and it will allow the parents the freedom to enjoy themselves at your party without having to run after their kids.   

leoraanna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:be5d29de-3d24-42f5-b120-447b9fd70b3fPost:b01c763e-202e-416d-b76f-ceea0b82ef30">Re: No kids = No Kids!</a>:
[QUOTE]Sounds to me like the guests who keep insisting on their kids coming are the ones with the problem. Nobody asked for an exception, they are saying things like "Little Johnny can't wait to see you!" which IMO, is not asking but rudely stating that they are going to bring their kids who are uninvited whether it costs $20 for each one of them to eat or not.
Posted by vgmartinez[/QUOTE]

I don't think I could agree any more! We are choosing to have a no kids policy as well. We are going to provide a sitter for the people who are bringing kids in from out of town (mostly out of the country) and we just don't want them at the wedding ceremony and reception. We don't have too many other events at our wedding weekend, so we don't really mind if they are there for those, just not the actual ceremony and reception.

I know that I have at least one uncle who won't come because his children aren't going to be invited. At his wedding he actually called it off at first because his FI's mother wanted a no children policy and he couldn't imagine having his "little angel" nieces and nephews there. The way I see it is if someone doesn't want to respect our wishes at our wedding, we don't want them there anyway because we only want those who love and support us and all of our choices. This one included.

I am not going to call everyone who has children, we are going to make sure the invitations are not "& Family" and we will explain it all on our website.

dancengirl

This is your special day that you have been planning for a long time, and are investing a lot of money in.  If you don't want kids, then no kids, and people need to just deal with that. It's a few hours away from the kids, let them deal with it.

And you shouldn't have to explain yourself.  We also love kids and plan to have them soon, but we also are not inviting kids to the wedding.  Some family members are missing my wedding because of this too, but that's their decision to live with, not mine.

Don't compromise for your special day!

Westbury2010

I guess I just don't understand, I love kids, love seeing them dance, love them in wedding pictures...and they're not my responsibility anyways! I think no matter what it should be a parent's choice to bring children or not. And a wedding being "her" day...well, yes and no. You are throwing a party for your guests in honour of you wedding, and if it's really "your" day then get hitched and have a party wih just you and your groom. And as for cost, most people take care of their "family" in their gifts...at least mine do. So I don't know why YOU are so surprised at this, you asked for it. And expect a lot of pissed off family and friends in the future because of this, sorry but it's the truth.
Good luck and try to have a good time no matter what. The wedding IS just a day after all, don't let it ruin a lifetime with your family and friends.

Jwensley

OMG tell me about it!!! To feed off the rude part....they are RUDE RUDE RUDE. You KNOW they can read an invitiation that says NO CHILDREN! How about this one.... "so when am I going to get an invitation, I am invited right?" WHAT do you say to that one?....especially when you know you don't want that person there! Ugh. Nightmare.

ginklan

its your choice, and your wedding. they have to respect otherwise they are not attending. wish you good luck

Turah1

Wow this sounds like a mirror image for me and my fiance.  She and myself decided we don't want any children at any of the festivites also but there are people that just insist on asking me can their child come if they pay for them, and the answer is still no.  People are making suggestions to add a childrens table to the wedding and we told them no, we are the ones paying for this so it's our way or the highway.  Ive actually hired 2 babysitters for some of the ones who may not have another option than to bring them.  But they will not step foot into the venue if you want to leave the reception early to be with your child be my guest.  But the SHOW WILL GO ON!!!!  Its crazy cause most grooms don't be on here commenting on blogs but this one hit home for me so I say stick to your guns.

smore154

I am also not allowing children- but my issue is that I am having a flower girl (FI's only niece) and a jr bridesmaid and ring bearer (my cousins). Other than that, no other children are invited or allowed. And if that means only 10 people show up to my wedding then that's fine. Or theyll just show up with their kids and you know what, at that point, theres nothing you can do and youd need to just get over it. People are really rude, and there's really nothing you can do about it. Etiquette is really something of the past, and it ticks me off.