No kids = No Kids!

justmauied2010

I hear ya! my two- year olds are brats! and this summer I have 4 weddings plus my own to attend, my son will probably go maybe!!!! to the ceremony and than to my moms for the night until I arrive home. They are all awesome friends of mine getting married and all love my son but sometimes its just inapproiet. My  neices and nephews are little brats too and my brothers both know this so they leave them at home. with a sitter. MY AUNT on the other hand thinks her kids are perfect and they are not!! they are far far far! from it. They are worse then my two year old and the eldest is 12!!. stick to your guns ur right it is ur wedding and you are paying for it.. and youve accepted there will be less guests by doing this but you know it and thats all that counts

shelchristian

I totally understand and feel your situation! My fiance' and I with parents are throwing a very elaborate, ornate, and elogant wedding with approx 280 invitee's. I have a very large relation, where my fiances is small but lots of family and friends on both sides will also be invited. I am a teacher, have three beautiful yound nieces and love kids as well, as we both do.


However WEDDINGS unless at a park, beach, or bowling alley really aren't for children. Especially if they are a formal event with alcohol being served. We are having three little girls in our wedding (ages 4, 6 and 11( two which my nieces that I adore) however they are exiting the wedding by 8:30p.m. and I have gotton babysitters for them, even though they are well behaved childern!

Other than this, no children will be attending! If people are mad; then so be it!!!

It is our day of a lifetime and I wouldn't want any regrets!:)

Do what you need to and don't have anyone talk you out of your decision!!!

Good Luck!:)

The future Mrs. Schaefer

Coming up soon! July 31st, 2010

Camerilla

I respect your desire. To every other woman on here who cannot fathom what kind of person wouldn't want children at the wedding I say: pooh.

Yes, weddings are expensive. Yes, they put most brides and grooms into a financial hole which will only be deepened by their own little bundles of joy - should there be any - later on. And anyone who wants to tell the lady on her special day that she's unfeeling because she can't afford to pitch in for their spawn or because she would really like to see 'grownups' around her on the day that marks one of the biggest and most stressful ventures in her life is cold, and needs to use a pry bar on that proverbial stick.

I feel for you because I know what you're up against. You were trying to pre-empt a problem and it flamed up in your face. Even here on this board which is supposed to be for bride-to-bride support.

Thankfully, few people in my family are under 13, and their parents would die of mortification if they were arsonist animals. Still, I cannot afford to invite members of my family younger than I am. Sorry folks. I love your kids. They're fabulous. I look forward to seeing them for the winter holidays. I just don't make enough money to feed them at my shindig. That doesn't mean I have the wrong attitude. It means there was no point where anyone should feel entitled to bring their kids if the kids weren't invited.

And Yes, it is a HUGE sense of entitlement and an enormous faux pas on the part of the parents who decided you were any kind of a bad guy for letting them know up-front before they asked.

horrorshow7

I too DO NOT want children at my wedding, and it's a formal black tie event...I do understand your dilemma. Did you address the invitations specifically to the parents?  I also posted on my website that due to capacity we ask that only those persons listed on the invitation attend, also that children were not invited, and if this was a problem we would help them find a caregiver. You might want to suggest helping to find a caregiver too. This may assert the message more clearly. If those people can't understand/respect that - do you really want them at your wedding?

[Deleted User]

Hive five girl! It's YOUR day!

mward065

STICK TO YOUR GUNS!! One exception will have a domino effect.  My fiance and I are doing the same thing, and half experienced a few gripes, but when it comes down to it, it's your dollar.  We did our cut off at 15, which makes more of a grey area then your situation, but you have to hold your own.  You obviously expect people to not be able to make it, but the bottom line is it is your wedding, your rules.

keakev

We're going about the same thing.  We are doing a cruise to Mexico for ours and getting married at a great resort in Cabo on our first stop.  My fiance has explained this to his entire family (seems like everyone has a child under 2 or a newborn).  His family, although upset, understands and is going to respect our wishes.  My brother, on the other hand, just had a baby (who will be 15 months at our wedding) and says he may not come because he needs his baby there.  He has since tried to come up with other options to where the in laws come on the cruise and watch the baby during any wedding festivities throughout the trip (we have something planned every day---adults only).  If the in laws can come on the cruise, then can't they watch him at home????

We're very frustrated and having a tough time getting this through that it is our wedding.  Very difficult when my brother can't get the picture.  =(  It's a battle that we will win, but it is so tough. 

Anyways- good luck... just wanted to let you know you weren't alone!!!

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be5d29de-3d24-42f5-b120-447b9fd70b3fPost:91f930ca-c9a1-41be-b2bd-77036d88cc3e">Re: No kids = No Kids!</a>:
[QUOTE]Seriously Beatles, It's a whole 'nother world in here. Cew and I decided Alien Invasion is clrealy whats happened.
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

I'll buy that. Going off of the outer space theme, I see this thread as a black hole where you can post anything and it won't be read or acknowledged by anyone (as evidenced by 8 pages of people telling the same story over and over again).

So... confessions? Anyone need to ease their conscience of past crimes? Go ahead, no one will e<em>ver know</em>.

HyperChicaPR

I think people are fine with a child free evening. But a child free weekend out of town is a little much. OOT guests can't possibly find a trustworthy reliable babysitter for an ENTIRE WEEKEND in a place they don't live. It's quite ridiculous to even think that they would be able to come.
OP said you were fine with people not coming because of this, so you're going to have to just keep pushing it and understand people will be upset and won't come.

MariDave01

I hear what all / many of your are saying. My wedding is not for 2yrs and I am havign this fight now. I have my sister in laws and one of my brides maids saying they will not come... I said fine. However my fiance is not making it any better because he keeps having "secret" discussions with his mother... Sometime I feel like calling the big wedding thing off. Its one sided, my family could care less what we do baucse they see it is our day.  Any advice???

jzamora3

So, are you having a flower girl & ring bearer?

SDixon02

Hello everyone....this is my very first post. I am a bride to be from Baltimore, MD and we are getting married August 7, 2010.

 I also decided not to allow guests to bring their children. My situation is slightly different because I do have a few children in the bridal party. I prefer that no guests bring children, but decided to be flexible (for those who will  not be able to find a sitter but still want to see us get married) and agreed to guests bringing  their kids to the ceremony if they NEED to, but absolutely not to the recpetion.. I just cannot afford the added expense (my family is HUGE and there are LOTS of kids between my fiance's family and mine), nor the headache of poorly supervised kids running around.

I had to take my cousin, a bridesmaid, out of the wedding because she was the one and only person who pressed the issue of bringing her children- I very nicely, but firmly, stood my ground. So she, her husband, and their three children will attend the wedding and leave after, skipping the reception. Even my mom made comments about our decision, expressing that weddings are a perfect time for the family to get together and for the children to dress up. I did not make special calls. All I did was post it on our wedding website and specify "adult reception" on the recpetion cards. Although it may not be proper edicit, I want to be sure that everyone is clear.

I do not hate kids, we have two of our own. But having guests bring their children is inconsistent with the type of day that we want to have. No one has really contributed any money toward our ceremony and reception, so I feel like he and I are the only ones who get to make the final choice.

Good luck to you, and try not to be stressed. Several issues have come up for us that upset me and made me wonder how people can be so selfish and try to make demands about a day that is not even about them. But then I realized that the day will go smoothly as long as I am firm and take my feelings out of the mix.

hilleren.h

I completely agree with you! There won't be any children allowed for our wedding either. People have to understand that you don't want kids screaming and running around during your ceremony, and dinner.
If people won't come just because of that, it's their loss!
Good luck with everything!

may232010

I am with you. I hope that your day turns out well inspite of how some of your relitives feel. On my RSVP's I put 21 and over only please. I have gotten responses from people saying that they are excited about the prospect of kids not being there. In my heart I wanted to invite my nephews but one exceptions opens doors to others and I did not want anyone getting any ideas. Weddings are really no place for children anyway. My son is 16 and he knows how to act but even he does not want to go to a wedding...lol. I used to take my son with my everywhere and I even took him with me to my cousins wedding let me tell you I never lost site of my son but there were others who's kids were running in and out of the fire exit doors therefore setting of the alarms, running from the front desk at the qaulity inn stealing candy from the counter, getting on furniture in it and under it and on top of everything else getting in the way of patrons trying to check in to the hotel who were not a part of the wedding. Yeah, I think from my cousins wedding I learned my lesson infact, she was one of the first to call and say Yahhh, no kids!...lol. Stick to your guns. I feel for the guest who can not come because of not being able to find someone they can trust or who even wants to sit all weekend long but that is just the way it is...stick to your guns sister and don't let anyone give you a hard time. No matter how good a kid is ( even if they really are) they still are not invited, sorry but end of story.
Good luck

may232010

I agree too many people giving her a hard time.., stick to your guns! Your not being mean your just asking for them to respect your wishes the same way that they would want for you to respect theirs if it was some party they were throwing.

FutureMrsProctor

Girl  I am with you! I feel the exact way...and we arn't even going all out like you are for your wedding. We haven't ordered invites yet but was wondering how to adress them so that people would get the hint not to bring their children. 

emilyrossin

If your guests are primarily out of town maybe it would be a good idea to provide them with names of sitters in the area who you trust.  Give them an idea of what it will cost too.  Maybe if there are several with kids who know one another, they'll split one sitter for all their kids. 

People often don't understand why it such a big deal to have their kids at your wedding.  It seems selfish and rude but if they are truly friends, they'll figure out how to make it work without the little ones.

Soukibelle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be5d29de-3d24-42f5-b120-447b9fd70b3fPost:e16600dc-1e25-4377-adca-d41e8d4e2a42">Re: No kids = No Kids!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No kids = No Kids! : I'll buy that. Going off of the outer space theme, I see this thread as a black hole where you can post anything and it won't be read or acknowledged by anyone (as evidenced by 8 pages of people telling the same story over and over again). So... confessions? Anyone need to ease their conscience of past crimes? Go ahead, no one will e ver know .
Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]

Just a thought...

<span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Cambria;">Have the two of you considered that 8 pages of responses are a show of support??<span>  </span>Perhaps we are so frustrated with the same situation (important to us, if not to you), we want folks to know they are not alone.<span>  </span>Spending time with extended family can be stressful!<span>  </span>(=</span>

[Deleted User]

mscabilloni

I feel you frustration completely!  I want kids in the future also, but don't want them at my wedding!  Kids can be terrors when they get together.  My wedding is open bar and I can only imagine the parents getting trashed and the little kids running around tearing stuff up.  Also, I can't stand it when there is a crying or fussy baby in church while someone is exchanging their vows.  It's rude I think to bring multiple kids to your wedding.  I don't think people are considering how much money you are spending to feed each person, and the cost fo food for kids is just as expensive. 

Not to sound like a bridezilla, but your wedding day is about YOU and your Groom!  Not, about cute little kids that come with their parents.  I think that many parents of young kids think that a wedding is an opportunity to bring their perfect little angels (sarcasm) and show them off to the crowd.  The day shoudl be focused on you and your Groom not a bunch of little kids. 

I don't think that you are being rude or mean by stating that it is an adult only wedding....afterall it's your wedding!

Good Luck!  I am facing the same challenges!

[Deleted User]

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be5d29de-3d24-42f5-b120-447b9fd70b3fPost:61598aa3-1dc2-499b-80c3-8879b3ead9c4">Re: No kids = No Kids!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No kids = No Kids! : Just a thought... Have the two of you considered that 8 pages of responses are a show of support??   Perhaps we are so frustrated with the same situation (important to us, if not to you), we want folks to know they are not alone.   Spending time with extended family can be stressful!   (=
Posted by Soukibelle[/QUOTE]

No need to yell, or whatever was up with your c&p text. I'm glad you are all able to support each other regarding this issue. I just thought this conversation might be better accommodated back on the site where most of you came from? This was like the weirdest invasion ever.

And Cew, as always I love your pics.

JanoBean75

Cew, those pictures are priceless.

carrieoz_76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be5d29de-3d24-42f5-b120-447b9fd70b3fPost:71be40cf-ce78-4dbc-b51c-6d9cbc19a6a6">Re: No kids = No Kids!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No kids = No Kids! : No need to yell, or whatever was up with your c&p text. I'm glad you are all able to support each other regarding this issue. I just thought this conversation might be better accommodated back on the site where most of you came from? This was like the weirdest invasion ever. And Cew, as always I love your pics.
Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]
Yup, and, as you pointed out, no one was reading anything anyone else wrote, evidenced by the fact that there are 8 pages of ppl saying the same thing, ad nauseum.  ETA: And the next post...<div>
</div><div>p.s. Go on with your bad self, girl!  Do what you want, eff those parents!  (when in Rome aka this thread)</div>

joyce1

Stick to your guns, What do these people do when they go to NEW YEARS EVE parties, COMPANY FORMAL PARTY, THEIR BOSS PRIVATE PARTIES, FOOTBALL
TAILGAITING PARTIES, HOLLOWEEN ADULT PARTIES, HIGH SCHOOL RENUIONS, CHURCH FORMAL CHURCH DINNERS, NEED I GO ON !!!!!. My sister wedding invites said " ADULTS ONLY".WE have a family reunion of around 400 family members, of the 400 hundren last year 167 were 16 and under. No one from my side contested the " ADULT ONLY invited we welcomed it. However his family was not so understanding. His sister had a pissy fit So HE The GROOM allowed her to bring her 6 year old. WELL, On, March the 20th, 2010at 4pm as the bride enter the church, do no wrong McKenze ran from her seat yelling with a juice box in her hand, into the Bride as she was walking down the isle. All the Mother had to say was I told her to stay in her seat. SO the wedding stopped. 

It just so happen that one of my other sisters had gotten married Valentine weekend. She lived fifeteen minutes from the church..... So instead of her being able to wear her $3,000 gown  she wore my sisters gown .The sad thing was when we returned to the church they were still there with this child.... Her husband got the picture. His brother in law paid her for the wedding gown, his sister cancel the check. It caused/still causing family problems between him and his sister.  The brother in- law gave her cash this time. He  the sister-in law
still do not speak. Her comments is she's 6 it's over get over it. 

His second brother is getting married on May the 8th, 2010 ( Their invitation is Adult Only).......... They could check Mr.and Mrs will attend or Mr. and Mrs. will not..
                         Stick to your guns, if something goes wrong it's you that will be crying not the rude friends or family members. 

[Deleted User]

beatlesgirl25

Don't forget "stick to your guns," Carrie. It looks like this little buckaroo above eating the beans can appreciate that sentiment. I bet he has a Red Ryder beebee gun (spelling out of BB is intentional).

[Deleted User]

See, I kind of get the sense that the little guy is eating human face mixed with pork and beans. He just strikes me as that kind of kid.

Oh and...you go girl! It's YOUR day. Don't let anyone tell you what to do.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be5d29de-3d24-42f5-b120-447b9fd70b3fPost:9b497eef-8f3d-41bc-9b7f-f0b099244d54">Re: No kids = No Kids!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Pumpkin pumkin said you have a problem? It sounds like she is another one of those people obsessed with her kids!</strong> You are spending thousands of dollars on a wedding and it is a once in a lifetime event. Your family NEEDS to understand. People with kids can be so rude because they think the world revolves around "little johnny". It is not about THEM or their KIDS, it is about the bride and groom. Plus, if the venue isn't suited for kids they are better off anyway. And Duckie, had she not told them ahead of time (which sounds like she was trying to be sensitive and understanding by doing it in person) the guests from out of town may not have had enough time to get a babysitter. I think you just need to stick to telling them the kids aren't invited and if they don't come, oh well! It saves you money and it won't ruin your day knowing that your guests simply refuse to respect your wishes. Btw, my family is the same way about kids and I am sure they will react the same way if I decide not have children at my wedding. But they need to get over it because people get tired of family gatherings revolving around screaming little kids and changing diapers. You are just asking for this once!
Posted by BustMuffins[/QUOTE]

Bwahaha! Just saw this. Yeah, P2's well known around here for her obsession with her kids. Nothing but kids kids kids all day with her. It's a real problem, people.

Also, she actually agreed with the no kids thing, but somehow that got extremely twisted around, which further affirms my belief that some of you are off on another site bitching about this thread. Feel free to continue your discussions on this over there.

lesliedcarr

I'm getting married in May and going through the same thing!  My fiance comes from a huge family (13 siblings). His siblings kids have kids so we could end up with a mob of kids if we opened our reception to families.  All of my fiance's family is from out of town so people were planning to travel with all of their kids.  I recognized that and made accomodations for the out of town children only but at the expense of the parents.  This was our only work around.  I hated to charge people for anything at our reception but we we simply can't handle the expense and wanted our out of town guest to be able to come and bring their children with them without shouldering the financial responsibility.  They won't be in the same room with the adults but they will be taken care of during the reception.

Don't you know that people complained about that!!!  They wanted their kids in the reception with them!!!  The moral of the story is, no matter what you do, you won't make everyone happy so YOU BE HAPPY!!!!