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Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place

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Re: Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place

  • banana468banana468 member
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    sunshinejenn03 said:
    banana468 said:
    sunshinejenn03 said:
    ALSO, I would like to add that it's a bit insulting to insinuate that couples who choose this approach are having a PPD.  My cousin, who is gay, absolutely had no choice but to marry her wife in DC where I live.  Two years later, they are having their "PPD", as you like to call it, in South Carolina where they live, because while South Carolina still does not recognize their marriage, they would like to celebrate it and have a traditional wedding with the people they love around them.  I applaud that.


    Let me get this straight:   The FACT is that you're CHOOSING to GET MARRIED before flying off to your CHOICE of a foreign venue where you are going to get as married as I did when I was 5 and in my backyard playing with the neighbors.   You are wanting to comparing this to couples who are not guaranteed the RIGHT to get married where they live???   Are you freaking serious?   

    If you want to involve people in your life then they deserve to know the facts of your life.    Lying by omission is no way to build trust in family or friends.   In fact, it's a great way to look like an entitled brat who can't comprehend that actions have consequences. 
    Hey, according to you, she's already married, so why does she need her PPD? Her civil ceremony was just as real as mine.  According to you all, neither of us should have our "real" wedding ceremonies. 

    Or is there a double standard I'm unaware of?
    Are you that daft or are you just enjoying posing daft questions? 
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  • sunshinejenn03sunshinejenn03 member
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    JCBride2014 said:
    sunshinejenn03 said:
    ALSO, I would like to add that it's a bit insulting to insinuate that couples who choose this approach are having a PPD.  My cousin, who is gay, absolutely had no choice but to marry her wife in DC where I live.  Two years later, they are having their "PPD", as you like to call it, in South Carolina where they live, because while South Carolina still does not recognize their marriage, they would like to celebrate it and have a traditional wedding with the people they love around them.  I applaud that.


    Gay couples, as frequently mentioned on TK, get a pass on this if they legally cannot get married in the state where they live.  I'm happy for your cousin, too.  Implying that signing your paperwork isn't a big deal is insulting to gay couples everywhere, who struggle for the right to sign that paperwork.

    Signing the paperwork = getting married.  If you are already married and then have a "wedding," it is a do-over and a PPD.  If you want the advantages of getting married at home/ sooner (like insurance premiums) then you make a trade-off with where and when to get married.  Want to save on insurance?  Great, get married.  But no, you don't later get to "say your vows" in Mexico and pretend to have a wedding all over again.
    Actually, I do.  Because I am going to.  And so far, no one has a problem with this.  And it makes sense on actual paper.  And for paperwork.  Add another "And" because I can.

    I also never implied that signing the marriage certificate wasn't a big deal.  It was.  We were excited.  But we're still having a destination wedding. 

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  • MrsDeRuyter87MrsDeRuyter87 member
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    I'm not sure I understand why you need to get married in December if your "wedding" is in August and your main concern is blood tests and marriage certificate copies. Not condoning PPD's because I can't stand them but wouldn't it make sense to "get married" right before you leave for Mexico then?
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  • sunshinejenn03sunshinejenn03 member
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    banana468 said:
    sunshinejenn03 said:
    Yeah, okay.  I can ring her right now and ask if you're right.  "Katie, are you insulted I was legally married on December 23rd and we're having the wedding celebration in August 2014?"  She's going to ask me if something's wrong with me and why she should give a crap.

    I can also ask her wife just so we can cast a wider net here.  ???
    Yup.   Ask your cousin and expect her to be honest.   People are always honest when they're put on the spot.

    Also, it's absolutely insulting to compare yourself to your cousin.   She doesn't have the right to get married in her state because there is anti-gay legislation that has been signed into law there.    You are making a choice based on your desires while she made a choice because her state legislated away her rights.   That you want to compare your destination wedding desires to her is infuriating.

    Also, to @destinationbride25, I don't know about you but I have the same opinion here on the internet as I do when I'm not sitting in front of a computer. 
    She would find it more insulting to be treated differently because she's gay, trust me.  I'm getting feedback from her wife, stay tuned.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    sunshinejenn03 said:
    JCBride2014 said:
    sunshinejenn03 said:
    ALSO, I would like to add that it's a bit insulting to insinuate that couples who choose this approach are having a PPD.  My cousin, who is gay, absolutely had no choice but to marry her wife in DC where I live.  Two years later, they are having their "PPD", as you like to call it, in South Carolina where they live, because while South Carolina still does not recognize their marriage, they would like to celebrate it and have a traditional wedding with the people they love around them.  I applaud that.


    Gay couples, as frequently mentioned on TK, get a pass on this if they legally cannot get married in the state where they live.  I'm happy for your cousin, too.  Implying that signing your paperwork isn't a big deal is insulting to gay couples everywhere, who struggle for the right to sign that paperwork.

    Signing the paperwork = getting married.  If you are already married and then have a "wedding," it is a do-over and a PPD.  If you want the advantages of getting married at home/ sooner (like insurance premiums) then you make a trade-off with where and when to get married.  Want to save on insurance?  Great, get married.  But no, you don't later get to "say your vows" in Mexico and pretend to have a wedding all over again.
    Actually, I do.  Because I am going to.  And so far, no one has a problem with this.  And it makes sense on actual paper.  And for paperwork.  Add another "And" because I can.

    I also never implied that signing the marriage certificate wasn't a big deal.  It was.  We were excited.  But we're still having a destination wedding. 

    No.   You're having a destination dress up party where you wear white and you tell your husband you will love him forever.    That can be a lovely party but it's not a wedding.   Your wedding was four days ago.   


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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    MrsDeRuyter87 said:
    I'm not sure I understand why you need to get married in December if your "wedding" is in August and your main concern is blood tests and marriage certificate copies. Not condoning PPD's because I can't stand them but wouldn't it make sense to "get married" right before you leave for Mexico then?
    She's getting married early to save money on her insurance premiums.
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    And again @sunshinejenn03 your loved ones WILL NOT be honest if you put them on the spot.  They will say something nice so as not to hurt your feelings, because that's what loved ones usually do.
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    sunshinejenn03 said:
    JCBride2014 said:
    sunshinejenn03 said:
    ALSO, I would like to add that it's a bit insulting to insinuate that couples who choose this approach are having a PPD.  My cousin, who is gay, absolutely had no choice but to marry her wife in DC where I live.  Two years later, they are having their "PPD", as you like to call it, in South Carolina where they live, because while South Carolina still does not recognize their marriage, they would like to celebrate it and have a traditional wedding with the people they love around them.  I applaud that.


    Gay couples, as frequently mentioned on TK, get a pass on this if they legally cannot get married in the state where they live.  I'm happy for your cousin, too.  Implying that signing your paperwork isn't a big deal is insulting to gay couples everywhere, who struggle for the right to sign that paperwork.

    Signing the paperwork = getting married.  If you are already married and then have a "wedding," it is a do-over and a PPD.  If you want the advantages of getting married at home/ sooner (like insurance premiums) then you make a trade-off with where and when to get married.  Want to save on insurance?  Great, get married.  But no, you don't later get to "say your vows" in Mexico and pretend to have a wedding all over again.
    Actually, I do.  Because I am going to.  And so far, no one has a problem with this.  And it makes sense on actual paper.  And for paperwork.  Add another "And" because I can.

    I also never implied that signing the marriage certificate wasn't a big deal.  It was.  We were excited.  But we're still having a destination wedding. 

    Wow, what a cogent and well-reasoned argument.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    JCBride2014 said:
    And again @sunshinejenn03 your loved ones WILL NOT be honest if you put them on the spot.  They will say something nice so as not to hurt your feelings, because that's what loved ones usually do.
    Evidently I should have used the sarcasm font.
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  • sunshinejenn03sunshinejenn03 member
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    MrsDeRuyter87 said:
    I'm not sure I understand why you need to get married in December if your "wedding" is in August and your main concern is blood tests and marriage certificate copies. Not condoning PPD's because I can't stand them but wouldn't it make sense to "get married" right before you leave for Mexico then?
    Yeah, that was actually the plan, but he was offered a new job and during open enrollment, I took a look at his benefits vs. mine.  I could have added him as my domestic partner, but the IRS says DP insurance premiums are considered taxable income.  My insurance is much better than his is at either job, so it made sense to add him, but I didn't want a surprise W-2 in 2015.  So we decided to move up the legal date.  Originally my aunt was going to marry us while we were in SC for my cousin's PPD.
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    sunshinejenn03 said:
    MrsDeRuyter87 said:
    I'm not sure I understand why you need to get married in December if your "wedding" is in August and your main concern is blood tests and marriage certificate copies. Not condoning PPD's because I can't stand them but wouldn't it make sense to "get married" right before you leave for Mexico then?
    Yeah, that was actually the plan, but he was offered a new job and during open enrollment, I took a look at his benefits vs. mine.  I could have added him as my domestic partner, but the IRS says DP insurance premiums are considered taxable income.  My insurance is much better than his is at either job, so it made sense to add him, but I didn't want a surprise W-2 in 2015.  So we decided to move up the legal date.  Originally my aunt was going to marry us while we were in SC for my cousin's PPD.
    Look, I get this.  We would save almost $1000 per year if we got married right now and added me onto Fi's health insurance (he also just got a new job).  We've been together over 10 years, trust me, I would love to be married right now.

    But we want a certain kind of wedding, which we cannot afford until 2015.  We made an adult decision that having a formal, large wedding is important to us, so we will wait.  That's what adults do: you realize that you can only have one wedding (unless you get divorced or widowed) and look at the cost/benefit of when and how to get married.
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  • sunshinejenn03sunshinejenn03 member
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    You all can pretend I'm not having a destination wedding to make yourselves feel better, but that is exactly what we're doing.  And frankly, the advice I received everywhere was to get married before leaving the country.  Only here is this a problem.
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  • MrsDeRuyter87MrsDeRuyter87 member
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    O.o
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  • sunshinejenn03sunshinejenn03 member
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    JCBride2014 said:
    sunshinejenn03 said:
    MrsDeRuyter87 said:
    I'm not sure I understand why you need to get married in December if your "wedding" is in August and your main concern is blood tests and marriage certificate copies. Not condoning PPD's because I can't stand them but wouldn't it make sense to "get married" right before you leave for Mexico then?
    Yeah, that was actually the plan, but he was offered a new job and during open enrollment, I took a look at his benefits vs. mine.  I could have added him as my domestic partner, but the IRS says DP insurance premiums are considered taxable income.  My insurance is much better than his is at either job, so it made sense to add him, but I didn't want a surprise W-2 in 2015.  So we decided to move up the legal date.  Originally my aunt was going to marry us while we were in SC for my cousin's PPD.
    Look, I get this.  We would save almost $1000 per year if we got married right now and added me onto Fi's health insurance (he also just got a new job).  We've been together over 10 years, trust me, I would love to be married right now.

    But we want a certain kind of wedding, which we cannot afford until 2015.  We made an adult decision that having a formal, large wedding is important to us, so we will wait.  That's what adults do: you realize that you can only have one wedding (unless you get divorced or widowed) and look at the cost/benefit of when and how to get married.
    JC, we like money.  They say it doesn't buy happiness but it pays our bills.  That's nearly the same thing in my book.  I live in DC.  I tried really really hard to plan a budget wedding here, which I found impossible and I didn't want to wait.  We got engaged in May.

    We wanted to travel somewhere, too.  I talked to friends and family, and most were more than okay with a DW.  They are over the moon.  Other people I've talked to have said that DWs have been the best weddings they've ever attended.  It saves us money.  We get to travel.  And most importantly, the people we love the most will be there and we don't spend just a few hours with them, but a solid several days (some for a week!).  That is the kind of wedding we wanted.  We didn't want to be rushed through things or have only one day.  We get quality time and we also get to build real memories with everyone. 

    So what if the paper was signed in December?  It doesn't diminish the DW.
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  • sunshinejenn03sunshinejenn03 member
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    And if you think that the governmental process of getting married is the most important part, then I just feel bad for you. Because yes, it IS just a piece of paper.   That's just the government's acknowledgement that we're married.  The important part is saying your vows in front of those near and dear to you. 
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    image
    sunshinejenn03 said:
    JC, we like money.  They say it doesn't buy happiness but it pays our bills.  That's nearly the same thing in my book.  I live in DC.  I tried really really hard to plan a budget wedding here, which I found impossible and I didn't want to wait.  We got engaged in May.

    We wanted to travel somewhere, too.  I talked to friends and family, and most were more than okay with a DW.  They are over the moon.  Other people I've talked to have said that DWs have been the best weddings they've ever attended.  It saves us money.  We get to travel.  And most importantly, the people we love the most will be there and we don't spend just a few hours with them, but a solid several days (some for a week!).  That is the kind of wedding we wanted.  We didn't want to be rushed through things or have only one day.  We get quality time and we also get to build real memories with everyone. 

    So what if the paper was signed in December?  It doesn't diminish the DW.
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    sunshinejenn03 said:
    And if you think that the governmental process of getting married is the most important part, then I just feel bad for you. Because yes, it IS just a piece of paper.   That's just the government's acknowledgement that we're married.  The important part is saying your vows in front of those near and dear to you. 
    NONONONONO.  JUST NO.  You claim the governmental part isn't important, and yet you'll take the financial benefits of marriage thankyouverymuch.  Didn't you just say it's not just paperwork, you were excited to be married when you signed it?  And again we're back to the same thing: try to tell gay couples or interracial couples that the "governmental," "legal," or "paperwork" part isn't important.  You simply cannot have a wedding when you are already married.  

    It sounds like you will have a lovely vacation and party with your family and friends.  But it is not a wedding.
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  • sunshinejenn03sunshinejenn03 member
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    Hey, there are couples who don't bother with the legal part.  We did for the same reason you did, I'm guessing. 

    I honestly would have liked to have done everything in Mexico.  Honestly.  I was told it was a logistical nightmare by three different people and read it on several destination wedding blogs.  So we chose this instead. 
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  • sunshinejenn03sunshinejenn03 member
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    JCBride2014 said:
    sunshinejenn03 said:
    And if you think that the governmental process of getting married is the most important part, then I just feel bad for you. Because yes, it IS just a piece of paper.   That's just the government's acknowledgement that we're married.  The important part is saying your vows in front of those near and dear to you. 
    NONONONONO.  JUST NO.  You claim the governmental part isn't important, and yet you'll take the financial benefits of marriage thankyouverymuch.  Didn't you just say it's not just paperwork, you were excited to be married when you signed it?  And again we're back to the same thing: try to tell gay couples or interracial couples that the "governmental," "legal," or "paperwork" part isn't important.  You simply cannot have a wedding when you are already married.  

    It sounds like you will have a lovely vacation and party with your family and friends.  But it is not a wedding.
    No, I said it wasn't the MOST important part.  But having friends and family around is much more important to me than a piece of paper. 

    To reap the benefits in this country, however, you need that piece of paper and there is no way around it.  And don't try to play the gay couples card against me; I KNOW how important that piece of paper is to them. I am a vocal support of marriage equality for obvious reasons. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    JCBride2014 said:
    sunshinejenn03 said:
    And if you think that the governmental process of getting married is the most important part, then I just feel bad for you. Because yes, it IS just a piece of paper.   That's just the government's acknowledgement that we're married.  The important part is saying your vows in front of those near and dear to you. 
    NONONONONO.  JUST NO.  You claim the governmental part isn't important, and yet you'll take the financial benefits of marriage thankyouverymuch.  Didn't you just say it's not just paperwork, you were excited to be married when you signed it?  And again we're back to the same thing: try to tell gay couples or interracial couples that the "governmental," "legal," or "paperwork" part isn't important.  You simply cannot have a wedding when you are already married.  

    It sounds like you will have a lovely vacation and party with your family and friends.  But it is not a wedding.
    THIS.

    Don't use the bullshit line that the government part isn't important.   It's SO important that you want the tax benefit for 2013 as well.   It's SO important that you CHOSE to get married for thousands of dollars in benefits that you weren't legally entitled to without that little "piece of paper."

    That benefit was so important to DH and me that we knew that the little piece of paper needed to be signed at the same time we were joined as husband and wife in our faith and before all our friends and family.    It was so important that we knew those who came to see us get married actually deserved to see us get married.   

    Evidently you don't value your family that way. 
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    sunshinejenn03 said:
    JCBride2014 said:
    sunshinejenn03 said:
    MrsDeRuyter87 said:
    I'm not sure I understand why you need to get married in December if your "wedding" is in August and your main concern is blood tests and marriage certificate copies. Not condoning PPD's because I can't stand them but wouldn't it make sense to "get married" right before you leave for Mexico then?
    Yeah, that was actually the plan, but he was offered a new job and during open enrollment, I took a look at his benefits vs. mine.  I could have added him as my domestic partner, but the IRS says DP insurance premiums are considered taxable income.  My insurance is much better than his is at either job, so it made sense to add him, but I didn't want a surprise W-2 in 2015.  So we decided to move up the legal date.  Originally my aunt was going to marry us while we were in SC for my cousin's PPD.
    Look, I get this.  We would save almost $1000 per year if we got married right now and added me onto Fi's health insurance (he also just got a new job).  We've been together over 10 years, trust me, I would love to be married right now.

    But we want a certain kind of wedding, which we cannot afford until 2015.  We made an adult decision that having a formal, large wedding is important to us, so we will wait.  That's what adults do: you realize that you can only have one wedding (unless you get divorced or widowed) and look at the cost/benefit of when and how to get married.
    JC, we like money.  They say it doesn't buy happiness but it pays our bills.  That's nearly the same thing in my book.  I live in DC.  I tried really really hard to plan a budget wedding here, which I found impossible and I didn't want to wait.  We got engaged in May.

    We wanted to travel somewhere, too.  That's called a honeymoon or vacation, then.  You don't need to your friends and family to go to Mexico to witness a fake ceremony to go on a vacation.  I talked to friends and family, and most were more than okay with a DW.  They are over the moon.  Yeah, because they think you are actually getting married.  Or did you tell them that you are actually already married and just having a PPD in Mexico next year?  Other people I've talked to have said that DWs have been the best weddings they've ever attended.  It saves us money.  We get to travel.  These things sound pretty selfish if you are lying to everyone about already being married.  And most importantly, the people we love the most will be there and we don't spend just a few hours with them, but a solid several days (some for a week!).  That is the kind of wedding we wanted.  It's the kind of vacation you wanted. . . you aren't having a wedding because you are already married.  Your wedding was that day in December when you "just signed the paperwork."  We didn't want to be rushed through things or have only one day.  We get quality time and we also get to build real memories with everyone. 

    So what if the paper was signed in December?  So what?  That means your wedding occurred in December, congrats on being married.  It doesn't diminish the DW.  No, it doesn't diminish your family vacation- you aren't having a DW, because you aren't getting married.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • NYCBruinNYCBruin member
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    sunshinejenn03 said:
    Hey, there are couples who don't bother with the legal part.  We did for the same reason you did, I'm guessing. 

    I honestly would have liked to have done everything in Mexico.  Honestly.  I was told it was a logistical nightmare by three different people and read it on several destination wedding blogs.  So we chose this instead. 
    Then why did you choose Mexico?  There are plenty of other places you could have gotten married on a budget for less of a headache. 
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    NYCBruin said:
    sunshinejenn03 said:
    Hey, there are couples who don't bother with the legal part.  We did for the same reason you did, I'm guessing. 

    I honestly would have liked to have done everything in Mexico.  Honestly.  I was told it was a logistical nightmare by three different people and read it on several destination wedding blogs.  So we chose this instead. 
    Then why did you choose Mexico?  There are plenty of other places you could have gotten married on a budget for less of a headache. 
    I suspect because she wants her cake ("wedding") and to eat it too (have a honeymoon/family vacation).

    Jenn, are you and your husband getting a deal on your accommodations if your friends and family stay at the same resort/hotel?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • sunshinejenn03sunshinejenn03 member
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    banana468 said:
    JCBride2014 said:
    sunshinejenn03 said:
    And if you think that the governmental process of getting married is the most important part, then I just feel bad for you. Because yes, it IS just a piece of paper.   That's just the government's acknowledgement that we're married.  The important part is saying your vows in front of those near and dear to you. 
    NONONONONO.  JUST NO.  You claim the governmental part isn't important, and yet you'll take the financial benefits of marriage thankyouverymuch.  Didn't you just say it's not just paperwork, you were excited to be married when you signed it?  And again we're back to the same thing: try to tell gay couples or interracial couples that the "governmental," "legal," or "paperwork" part isn't important.  You simply cannot have a wedding when you are already married.  

    It sounds like you will have a lovely vacation and party with your family and friends.  But it is not a wedding.
    THIS.

    Don't use the bullshit line that the government part isn't important.   It's SO important that you want the tax benefit for 2013 as well.   It's SO important that you CHOSE to get married for thousands of dollars in benefits that you weren't legally entitled to without that little "piece of paper."

    That benefit was so important to DH and me that we knew that the little piece of paper needed to be signed at the same time we were joined as husband and wife in our faith and before all our friends and family.    It was so important that we knew those who came to see us get married actually deserved to see us get married.   

    Evidently you don't value your family that way. 
    I wouldn't say thousands of dollars.  We really only legally married so there are no surprises on my 2015 W-2, whatever those may be.  WE ARE PLAYING IT SAFE.

    There are no other tax benefits for us because we don't own any kind of property, we don't plan to contribute to one another's IRAs (just our own) and we have no children to claim or crazy deductions.  Literally we will not reap any tax bennies for being married.  So please tell me what tax benefit I'm reaping, other than not getting my butt handed to me for paying his insurance premiums.

    I value my family enough to want to plan something very fun for them and you are not nice for saying otherwise.
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  • misshart00misshart00 member
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    You keep saying you don't want any surprises on your 2015 W-2. What kind of surprises are you thinking of? Because I can literally think of none.
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